Leave a comment Posted on current events

Unchallenged Power

You know as a young, Black man that is old enough to remember when the Cosby show was the shit back in the 80’s, I feel torn because of all the allegations and seemingly irrefutable stories on display from the countless women who have said that Bill Cosby drugged them and raped them.

For such a influential and moral figure, who spoke on the sensitive issues confronting Black America, his fall from grace is epic. He was the moral compass that said that Black men needed to take responsibility for their own actions and stop blaming the system for holding them back, He also gave controversial speeches about how Black men needed to be fathers to their sons and give them a positive example and role model to look to, instead of just trying to immulate what they see on t.v.

The man who was seen as a t.v father to some, and a real life father figure to others. I really find it stunning to see that he had such a vicious, cold-hearted dark side. To some they don’t see how it was possible, in my eyes I’ve always held the belief that the ones who hold the highest moral compass and talk the most bosterious about a situation tend to have a dark side, that actually contridicts the message they preach.

Now this is not true of all individuals with power and prestige who have a strong stance on a subject. But what we are seeing is more often this is becoming the case. Powerful figures who hide behind their public outcries, yet in private they are the creatures they reprimand to the world. You know I was truly hoping that in this case these allegations were not true and that these women were just taking an opportunistic opportunity to try to cash in on this story.

But as one of my good friends said, when you have so many different women, from all different walks of life telling the same story and the same way, you can’t ignore them and say they’re all lying you must accept the fact that maybe this amazing man has done awful things.

My hope is that Mr. Cosby will realize that he cannot repair his image by remaining silent and defiant. I understand he never thought he would have to face the terrible crimes he is accused of committing, but I think if hasn’t realized anything else, it’s that America is country of forgiveness, but you must accept and admit your faults and seek to atone for the trauma caused.

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

The Power of The People

I’m baaaaaack.. While I’ve kept myself involved with all the current events that have been happening the past month, I’ve also been a busy guy working and enjoying the holiday season. Refreshed a little, saddened and disappointed a lot, shit going on that keeps my mind constantly churning and me in a state of uncertainty.

Lets talk about the two biggest events in current news lately. One, the decision not to indite in Ferguson, MO and the decision to not indite in New York. While I must admit that I’m not surprised by these decisions made to not bring those officers to trial, I will say that I am extremely disappointed, hurt, and sad. See as a Black man in America, I know that we are always guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of the law, unless we have lots of money.

I have never seen a case where a prosecutor decides to unload all the evidence in just a Grand Jury indictment proceeding. I’ve also never seen a state telegraph the decision of said Jury like I did in Ferguson. Unless you have been in the situation that Mike Brown was in you don’t know how threatening it is to be approached by law enforcement that don’t really have your best interest at heart.

I will never condone committing a crime, which yes Mike Brown did steal cigars, but if anyone thinks that taking some cigars is justification for you to be shot and killed then I’m sorry you lack basic humanity. Just the same, Eric Gardner was put in a choke hold and killed because he was selling single cigarettes on the streets.

Again, it was a petty crime and only a crime because New York wants to make their money on the taxation of cigarettes; but the fact remains when he was stopped by those officers, he did not have any cigarettes on him and also he was not being unruly or disobedient to the officers. He was shown on camera with his hands up in the air and kept repeating that He couldn’t breathe.

I’ve been in situations similar to both men. No, I have not committed a crime, but I did have someone anonymously call the police and accuse me of breaking into cars downtown. The irony is that I was just standing outside of my car eating my food and talking to a friend. I had no less than six marked and unmarked police cars pull on me, guns drawn, police dogs in the back waiting to unload their guns and sick their vicious dogs on me.

Never in my life have I felt more afraid, embarrassed in my life. I was being treated as a criminal when I had done absolutely nothing wrong. The police could not figure out who called and never offered any apology. They just laughed it off, got back in their cars and disappeared as quickly as they arrived. So when anyone speaks to me about these cases, my first question is have you ever had the experience these men had. If you answer no, then quite honestly I don’t want to discuss this with you because you will never understand.

And No, I do not ever condone vandalism or arson, but as Dr. King so perfectly said it, Vandalism is the act of the voiceless. When you feel that you have no where to go and no one to listen to you how else do you make your point? I do have the solution and hence the title of this blog. The people have the power and its called voting.

There is a reason that millions upon millions marched and fought for the right to give Black people the right to vote. They knew the impact and importance of voting. See we elect these people who run these states and counties and towns into office. We decide who will be hiring the folks to police our streets and protect us as citizens. If you really want to make your voice heard, the next time an election is held in your state VOTE!

And I’m not saying that this is the only thing that needs to happen, because lets face it, the Justice system is not really a fair system towards all people. The law does not necessarily look favorable of people of color. So there are many layers to this problem, but I do know that it starts with exercising your right to vote and to know what the folks running for office stand for.

Stop electing people whose policies don’t speak to your issues. Stop voting for people who don’t give a damn about you and allow new, fresh and caring blood to run for office and make a difference. My prayers and thoughts go out to the families of Mike Brown and Eric Gardner. America lets make sure we do our part; lets have the dialogue needed and make the necessary efforts to change our country.

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, Sex

Is Sex Really Just Sex…

I’ve often heard Pastors and some in the Medical community articulate that people who have a lot of sex are trying to compensate for some sort of pain or have a lack of self-esteem. While I think that there some validity to that opinion, I also feel like sometimes it’s just the case of a person really liking sex and wanting to explore their sexual beings more than trying to get over a painful, emotional breakup or a lack of self love.

As one of those people who’s has more sex than I ever thought I would at this age, I can say that I truly fit into both of these categories to be honest. There are times where I’ve had sex because I didn’t really feel good about myself and I figured I could fuck the pain away. There were other times, and most often, where I just liked having sex and found people who had great dick or ass, or both, and I wanted to just enjoy those experiences without having to worry about the emotions that are usually attached.

But I’ve often wondered whether some people run to the sex argument because deep down inside they just really want the sex and don’t know how to explain it any other way. I  think about how everyone says there are these unwritten rules that should govern ones’ pursuit of a relationship. Like you should wait before you have sex, and if someone wants to rush straight to the bed then they really don’t care about you.

I wonder how folks feel about those who have sex on the first date. Is it wrong to want to hit it out the park the first time you meet? Is there truth to the theory that if you give it to them too soon that won’t be nothing left? Or, is it a case to be made that if you give them a sample of everything, they just keep on coming back?

I am a person who believes that there is nothing wrong if you choose to wait and go on a few dates before you decide to get in bed together. But I also believe if you want to smash after the first, second, or third date more power to you.

I also believe that sex to some doesn’t mean the same as it does to others. There are people who have learned to become emotionally detached from sex, for their own reasons, and therefore will have sex whenever they feel because they like it and enjoy it. There are other people who can’t detach the emotion and once the sex happens, typically can be hooked on that person because that’s the final straw to bind them together.

I honestly don’t know which is true, because as with the previous part of my post, I’ve been down both roads. I’ve fucked just for the hell of it and had zero emotions attached and I’ve had sex be the thing that pulled it all together and the relationship was sealed and formed.

Whether you have great dick and ass, or ya vagina is all that, I think that it’s always interesting to find out how people feel about sex and whether or not they will be hooked to it enough to be with someone, or whether a long term fuck buddy relationship is established. Where ever you land on this broad spectrum, I am one who just doesn’t believe that you can be lumped into one group or another. I think each person defines their sexual bravado based on the situation at hand. Happy Sex Talk

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

A Full Plate Can Still Be Empty

If you ever stop to take inventory of your life, you might be able to understand where this analogy makes lots of sense. Often times many people smile against a back drop of sadness, they cover up their unhappiness by filling themselves with the materialistic things of the world. I wonder how many people out there are full and still empty.

Even the most attractive person on the outside can be hollow on the inside. The person who is financially well established can be internally lacking. Even the person with the most friends, can still be alone. The hardest thing to do is try to marry the external desire for success with the internal need for peace and satisfication.

I am sometimes a victim of this analogy, because more often than not there is some element of emptiness felt when things aren’t completely in order. There is, in my opinion, no such thing as a moral victory in life. Moral is basis for the word morale, and I don’t think that a moral victory equals a morale boost. I want for someone to define for me what is moral victory actually is?

A man with confidence, strong and independent, outgoing, inviting personality with a damn good education. A man with a swag unto himself and able to go toe to toe with the best, yet one who still yearns for that emotional, internal pleasure. More than sex, more than temporary relief and gratification; it is the desire to be a man well rounded on the outside and complete on the inside.

While only time will tell if these two worlds can be harmoniously merged together, there is a sense of failure when you feel like you’ve been so close, only to really be so far away. I have no problem admitting that I have failed at the something, and I also have no problem admitting that more work needs to be done. I do however have a problem accepting that no one seems to be ready to work with me, to fight to overcome.

Leave a comment Posted on current events

I Will Never Forget

Thirteen years ago, the greatest tragedy on American soil happened. Hijacked airplanes torpedoed through the Twin Towers in New York City. Massive destruction was caused, thousands of innocent lives were lost. Mothers and fathers lost their sons and daughters, sons and daughters lost their mothers and fathers, friends lost friends, spouses lost spouses. A devastating and unprecidented amount loss and hurt seized this country,

I will never forget that day, where I was, how I felt and the absolute shock and awe I felt when watching the events unfold. I was a senior in High School, in my AP Government class when another teacher came into our classroom and informed our teacher of what had just happened. My teachers’ father was a consultant in Washington D.C. and the clear fear and concern for his fathers well-being was evident until he heard from him.

We watched in horror in that class and my following class, as we watched the debris and heard the screams. We watched as the Towers fell one by one and as the smoke and ash littered the streets and air. It was a horror story that seemingly came from a Stephen King novel. It was the kind of tragedy that no one ever thought would happen to America, and definitely not on American soil.

As I can remember that day was also the one year anniversary for me at the job that I worked for, so while I wanted to go home and continue to watch the coverage, try to digest what I had seen all morning I had to go to work and have, what would turn out to be, a very muted celebration for my completion of my first year of service. I had friends who worked for the state and federal government that were locked out of the building because of the terrorist actions.

I can remember having a red, white and blue ribbon pinned on me at work and just trying to imagine how absolutely terrified I was at watching what had transpired. I remember getting home and watching as the entire Congressional body stood out on the Captiol steps and sang ‘God Bless America’. A rear site to see members of both parties united after the controversial election that put President 43 in the White House.

As I reflect today, thirteen years later, I remember the first conversation I had with a co-worker who said he couldn’t wait until we “Bombed those bastards to hell.” Yes he was a Republican. And I remember when I got college the next year and I met my best friend in college, who was from New York, and he told me about how he was near Ground Zero and the horror  he felt. He talked about not joining the military and knowing friends of his who were going to war, since the President had announced the first major offensive.

I remember September 11, 2012 because we woke up at 7 a.m. to have a make shift memorial service outside our dorm before we started our school day. It’s amazing to think that it has been this long since that unimaginable day and while we have been safe from such a tragedy again, we still feel the after effects of that day. We have a President who still has to send our Military personnel into harms way because of the need to protect us from the next potential threat.

We hold memorial and honorary services to mark the tragedy and to make sure that we never forget what was done. I am always reminded of how strong the United States is every time we have these types of moments. Many countries would not be able to sustain the type of attack we experienced and come back the way we have. While we still operate in a protect us first culture, we definitely are still the best country in the world.

God Bless the memories of those who lost their lives in that fateful day and those who have sacrificed in the years since and the wars we’ve fought. #Never forget.

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle

The Smile That Hides…

If you have ever heard an interview of a comedian most of them tell you that they learned to use comedy as a source of relief, but also to turn their pain into a manageable situation. The phrase I’ve often heard is one laughs to keep from crying. The other one is behind the biggest smile, are the biggest tears and the  most pain. I do believe that if you really want to know why so many people laugh so hard it is to keep from crying.

It goes with the territory of manhood in the traditional sense, because so many men are taught that real men don’t cry. Or you have to play it off even if you hurt, you can’t show it because it’s a sign of weakness. If you want to know why this generation of kids, and men in particular, are so insensitive at times it is because for generations all that’s been preached to them is don’t be weak, don’t be a bitch, don’t cry, crying is for girls and sissies.

I would bet that if we spent a little more time being compassionate towards one another and checking on each other to make sure we’re in a good place and if we’re not to let someone know that you care, then we would have a much more understanding and peaceful people. This is particularly true in the African American Community.

So many of the older generation and inside the Black Church have beaten into the heads of men that you cannot be anything less than a warrior. You have to have the strength to overcome anything and never show the pain and hurt when you feel it. I wonder how many men would be better if we had more influential figures who cared about how we feel and making sure that we are not only physically strong, but mentally and emotionally strong as well.

It has gotten to be ridiculous to see that so many of the generations have passed down this show no emotion mentality, that if you happen to let any kind of tear fall somehow you are less than the next man who balls up his pain, buries it in their soul and lashes out with anger and violence, or depression because they can’t freely express themselves.

I can testify so many times to having the widest smile in the world on my face, but underneath that smile was the hurt and pain of an avalanche. I allowed myself to be influenced by the customs of the community by conforming to what I was suppose to be instead of being a real man and showing those emotions, allowing myself to be vulnerable and healing because I dealt with my hurt and anger.

See to me a real man is one who is not afraid to cry when he hurts, to admit to being bruised and scared. One who can tap into his heart and allow for those close to him to see the real pain behind the smile that he cracks to mask the true feelings. I challenge you to take some time out of your day and check on someone you care for. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter, just let them know you care and are there. Because you never know when just that little reminder of someone being there can change the course of someone’s day, or even their life.

#Real shit

Leave a comment Posted on current events, dating, lifestyle

Just My Take

I wanted to take a few minutes to give my thoughts about the recent events surrounding Ray Rice and his wife. I have previously spent time writing about my feelings on domestic abuse and how destructive and detrimental it is to relationships and communities as a whole. As I’ve listened to the conversations, had my fair share, and thought about it all, I will say that my view is slightly controversial but very well thought out. 

First and foremost let me say that I do not in any way condone what Ray did. I have seen the video and it’s very disheartening to see that he could not exercise better restraint and discretion to walk away from the situation instead of striking his now wife. That being said, it is my belief that this is not their first time having a physical alternation and I also think that without having full knowledge of everything that happened we don’t know if she baited and provoked him in any way to lose his temper.

While I am all for a man being raised to not put his hands on a woman, I am also all in favor of women being taught to not put their hands on a man, and more importantly to not provoke and bait the man. There is reason to believe that both of them are to be blamed for the situation because the honest truth is, more often than not, women are not raised to truly respect their partner the same way a man is.

See if you’re a man, you’ve heard it from your mom, father (father figure), friends, and family alike, that you do not hit a woman. But is that same emphasis put on women to understand that putting your hands on a man, or provoking a situation is just as wrong. I would submit that we don’t see that. If you need proof look at so many of our young teenagers and kids today. So much more you’re seeing girls bullying boys, primarily because that little boy has had it drilled never to touch a woman.

Well let me say that I do not and will not agree with the premise that just because you’re a man you don’t hit a woman. I firmly believe that if a woman wants to act like she’s bad enough to hit a man or get in his face and act as though she wants to fight, then she needs to be ready to shoot the five and accept responsibility for the consequences. See nobody was screaming domestic abuse when Solange was beating on Jay Z in the elevator. In fact it was laughed at and made fun of. 

The rumor mill was swirling about if there were issues within his marriage and Beyonce`’s sister was standing up for her. The double standard is ridiculous and I’m sick of it quite frankly. The only difference is Jay Z knew if he did anything remotely physical to her, it was going to be all holy hell. If you want to start to curb this epidemic of domestic abuse, it will start with holding everyone accountable. It will continue with making sure real and consistent counseling is available to both parties. It will have to include raising up boys and girls to men and women who understand that putting your hands on someone else in a physically violent, abuse way is wrong. Whether you’re a MAN or a WOMAN it is WRONG.

#Just my take

Leave a comment Posted on Uncategorized

Tear it down, build it up…

Aaahhh… I’ m back.. after a much needed break to relax and recharge it’s time to get back to the business at hand.

So if you’ve ever had your heart broken before I wonder what your process is like for starting over and rebuilding yourself. Do you dwell on the pain of the breakup? Are you one who likes to wallow in your hurt and get lost in the failure? Is it possible that you are the type who moves on quickly? And you try to find the next one to develop that bond and become lovers? Or are you the pragmatic one; do you take the time to learn from what went wrong? Do you evaluate yourself and try to make sure that you clean up the areas that you know need improving?

All of these types of people and questions are very valid and they kind of tell the story as to why so many people struggle with relationships and building bonds with the next one, if they have haven’t truly gotten over the last one and allowed themselves to heal, learn, and grow. I have tried to do all three of these approaches at one time or the other. I have gotten right out of one relationship and turned to another, I’ve dwelled a bit on the end of a relationship and wallowed in my sorrow and I’ve also taken the pragmatic, systematic approach and allowed myself to recover from the emotions and things that come with ending a relationship.

I’ve always been curious though as to why so many like to land in one of the first two extremes of the breakup process. They either rush right into the next relationship or they just sit and wallow for so long that they miss the opportunity to really better themselves until the next one comes along, and by that time it’s really too late because you will wind up taking out that hurt, pain and emotion on the next one and you will lose that person. 

Could it partially be because so many people fear being along, so the minute that one relationship ends, whether it was a peaceful breakup or a painful breakup, instead of taking time to regroup and learn and grow, they just decide to charge ahead and bring in the next one who will ultimately pay the price because they’re getting an individual who is not really prepared for this relationship. I also feel like the person who spends too much time wallowing in their own sorrows doesn’t have the personal motivation to move forward and need that new interest in order to get the desire to want to do better.

All of it to me speaks to the bigger problem of: one, people not really willing to take their own responsibility for their role in the breakup and the mental fragility of people today and most importantly I think the need of people to feel like someone else loves them in order to feel good about themselves.

One thing you learn when you allow yourself to go through the process of recovering and rebuilding is that sometimes it’s truly not your fault and sometimes you are just as responsible as the other person. Another thing you learn is that your emotions can get the best of you if you don’t learn how to control them and to know that you are better than someone else validating your worth. So what does your recovery process look like when you’ve been heart broken?

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle

My Dream…

As we sit today on the 51st anniversary of Dr King’s “I Have A Dream Speech”, I wanted to take some time and honor him with my twist and version of his speech in today’s time. So, this blog will be longer than normal but will hopefully be more impacting.. Now, My Dream..

As I sit today reflecting on the annals of history that we have gone through, we must realize that The Dream set forth has been realized in parts and unrealized in others. While we have knocked down the barriers to many opportunities to people of color and all creeds, we still have a long way to go. Today we have a similar but  different set of challenges. While men and women can vote and Black people get an equal seat at the counter, we don’t have segregated schools and businesses, but we still don’t have an equal seat in the board room and in the executive meetings. 

Today My Dream is for the young Black men and women to be able to see their beauty for what it is and not feel as though they need to run to look like their White counterparts. I Dream of a day when we can walk hand in hand with our police departments and not walk in fear of senseless murder and stereotyping based on your skin color and gender.I Dream of the day when gay men and women will not be judged because of who they choose to love, rather on whether they are a productive member of community they reside. I Dream of a country that will care for its’ poor as much as it caters to its’ rich.

I Dream of the day when our military men and women that we send out to war and countries in turmoil to protect our freedoms and carryout the mission of our President, are taken care of with the same passion that they fight on the battlefields. I Dream of a world where the existence of HIV can be eradicated and we can begin to heal so many of the communities, countries, states and continents that hurt because of this epidemic. 

I Dream of a day when we can appreciate each other for who we are instead of what we are not. When people can go out and be themselves and not worry about being profiled, called out of their names, looked down on because they don’t dress like the Jones’ or have the best dialect. I Dream of a nation that will not deamonize Transgenders because they choose to walk in their true selves and not conform to what society says they should be.

I Dream of a day when Black people will embrace each other with the love of our ancestors, thou they did not have all the freedoms we enjoy today, they had a sense of pride and togetherness. They supported each other and tried to build things up together. I Dream of a day when stop looking at new coming immigrants as leeches, but as the new wave of the melting pot that we all know this country to be. 

I Dream of the day when religious zelots realize that there is no one way to live and one religion to profess, that you can be Muslim praise Allah, be Christian and worship God, be Buddhist and chant, be Catholic and take guidance from the Pope and you are still equal in America. I Dream of the day when the need to hide your sexuality for fear of a negative stigma is no longer and Preachers who live double lives can come out and be their true selves. I Dream of a day when parents will take more interest in their kids education and make them turn off the t.v. and get into the books. I Dream of the day when we go back to kids being outside and playing with each other and not on computers talking through a screen. 

I Dream of the day when Affirmative Action is not needed to get Black people into the best schools and best businesses and just because you the gift of being an athlete we don’t just glorify the LeBron James’ of the world but we also can spotlight the Chemist and the Engineer, the doctor who’s working to heal patients and the teacher who makes it his/her mission to develop the minds of young people and not just teach to an exam. My Dream is for America to embrace the sick and heal the diseased. My Dream is for the people to work together to end the oppression that we apply to ourselves and uplift each other. 

My Dream is for a America to stop preaching one message to other countries, while not living up to it at home. My Dream is be an inclusive society and not an exclusive fraternity. America My Dream is to fully realize the Dream of Dr. King. To bring equality to all parts of the world from the Pacific Northwest to the Land of the Rising Son. To bring equal justice to the people of this great nation and to continue to strive to become one people under God. For it is the creed of this country that All Men are created equal, that no one has the right to tell you how to live. That no matter your gender, race, sexual orientation, religious background and any other physically defining trait, we are all subject to the same rights. 

That in America the opportunity you want, you should be able to attain if you work hard and pay your dues. My Dream on this day is that we can realize that a unified America is a dangerous America. My Dream is that day by day, person by person, community by community, city by city, state by state we will see each other for magnificent the creations that we are and will work together to end the injustices and persecutions. Today My Dream is for peace and common ground, My Dream is for fairness and opportunity. My Dream is for Kings’ Dream to live forever, that we will forever be able to say that all people are “Free At Last, Free At Last, Thank God Almighty We are All Free At Last.”

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle

Your Dick Doesn’t Make Me Want You…

Something I cannot stand in this gay versus straight dynamic is why so many straight men feel that just because they are a man that every gay man wants them. I don’t know whether it’s arrogance or paranoia that makes men feel that way, but I hope as we continue to evolve in this modern world, more straight men will be comfortable enough in their skin to accept gay men and be able to chop it up with them when there is common ground.

As a gay man, I can honestly say that I most definitely am not attracted to every man I see, regardless of whether they’re gay or straight. And to that end, there are a vast majority of men like myself that do not have a liking for every dick they see walking. While I will say that there are some men who will flock to the first dick they see and don’t matter whether whose man or woman the person is, there is an overwhelming majority of the community who have a type, and don’t want just anything. 

Let me also say that just because we like a man we see, it also doesn’t mean that you want them. I will say that many of the friends I have, including myself, enjoy looking at men and their bodies and all the parts that are on them, But the ability to watch the eye candy as it passes by is a wonderful thing. And baby the thoughts you can get in your mind about the things you see, well it’s enough to satisfy you for a little while. LOL

Whether or not a straight man is comfortable in his own skin is the only thing that will make being around a gay man uncomfortable. I am fortunate to have friends who are gay and straight and the great about my straight male friends is that they never get an uneasy feeling when I’m around. We’ve played basketball together, played football together, slept over each others house and never was it ever uncomfortable.  See when you have a firm sense of yourself it doesn’t matter who it is that’s around you. Because quite honestly, both women and men alike can be vultures when they see something that they want.

A good dick, with a hard body is enough to make anybody do a double take. And if you just so happen as to date one of those type of men, smile and lay back and take a great deal of pride in knowing that your man is eye candy to the world and bedroom satisfier for you.

#Not all the same..