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You Ain’t Gotta Raise Your Voice…

After a nice day’s rest I’m back with this make you think topic.. Do you often find yourself hating to have conversations with your partner, your family or your friends? Is that reason because they don’t know how to talk to you and have a civilized conversation? One of the hardest tasks it seems to be for people to do is talk to each other with respect. Whether your talking about something serious, or having a discussion about sports, current events, politics or heaven forbid your favorite anything.

There seems to be a large number of people who have a communication issue. They seem to think that in a conversation or debate that there is one right and wrong answer or person at all times. When we forget that the purpose of a conversation is to engage and let someone know your thoughts and to share your insight and not to feel like you are the most intellectual or you are the only one who’s opinion can be right then I feel like conversation is irrelevant and needs not to happen.

Now don’t get me wrong I love a person who has an opinion and stands behind what they believe it, it makes for a very fun and spirited conversation, but in no way will I ever appreciate someone who feels like because they don’t have their opinion coddled and supported they want to attack or dismiss someone as being inept, weak, or incapable of having a real debate or discussion. I challenge people to stop thinking of everything as a challenge and start looking at things as an opportunity to share 

And let me just say for the record that just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re wiser or know more. Because at times the person who has the most age is the most immature person in the discussion. I think once you start to feeling yourself too much and feeling like you are high and mighty, remember that the oldest person walking can still be taught something new. I think it is so awful to see a person who should be able to be the most approachable person turn out to be the worst person you could have ever talked to. And my final point is, if you don’t have any type of positive input to add to a conversation, keep your comments to yourself. 

No one likes having a conversation with someone who will only bring the negatives to light and not positives to the situation, it makes you look like a weak individual. So ask yourself, are you able to hold a conversation?

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Damn That was Good…

So listen I have to be honest, there is nothing more that I like sometimes than make-up sex. I’m not sure if its the emotion, the passion, the releasing of the anger or all of the above, but there is something special about being able to have a steamy sex session after there has any type of tension, be it intentional or not. U know I know quite a few people who look forward to make-up sex because they feel it’s a time when the sex is extra special. You know the person doing the fucking puts a lil extra force in the their stroke or the person taking the dick puts a lil extra into it to make the sex more pleasureable.

My question has always been why does it take for someone to argue with you in order to have the best sex you’ve ever had. Why can’t you put it down on a consistent basis in order to make sure that your man, or woman always know how good the dick, ass, or cooch is? I mean I guess I’m the type of guy that feels like every time we get it in, I need you to make sure you know how good it is when do it. But man, I can honestly say two of best sexual encounters I’ve had have been when its after I’ve had an argument with someone. 

I also think that make-up sex and break up sex is one in the same. You have make-up sex in order to get the good vibes going. You have break up sex so you can remind the person of what it is that they will be missing. Quite frankly the best sex that I ever had was break up. It was the last time that me and my ex saw each other and slept together. And in all fairness, it did give me second thoughts about whether or not I was doing the right and I know it did the same for him because he told me so after the fact.

I think it’s so funny that most everyone living has a make-up sex and break up sex story similar to that. I’m not sure why we feel the need to do that and it’s weird to think that you would save your best for last but I guess that’s apart of our nature to leave your mark where you left.

#What do you think.. make-up sex or break up sex?

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Behind the Veil…

One of the most imprisoned feelings is when you have a secret and someone else knows. Whether it be something health related, addiction related, or business related, anything that you’re hiding that someone else knows and/or that you fear getting out can certainly do damage to you mentally, emotionally and harm any relationship you have. See I’ve learned that people will do some crazy things and go to amazing lengths to keep some of their darkest secrets private. All the while, they are creating this barrier and this paranoia that can strike at any time.

I don’t think that the world needs to know everything that you’ve done, but I also don’t think that living a fascade is the answer either. See, for some people hiding the truth is worst than telling it, because all the work they have to do to maintain appearances becomes very draining and soon your attitude follows right down the hole too. I will admit that being an open book and letting people in to the more hallowed spaces of your life and journey is not easy, nor should it be taken lightly. You do need to consider who you’re telling the information to because you never want someone else telling your own story when you’re still alive to do it. Because as we all can attest to when someone else gives their version of your truth, it always come out distorted.

From Preachers lying about what they believe in the pulpit, to adults having to fake it and cover up their trails. Wearing the scarlet letter of your imperfection should be how you live. Worrying if someone know’s that you don’t want to know, thinking can people see between the smile that deep down you some dirty shit. All of these things, at one time or another, we have thought about and considered as we’ve plotted our way through life. All of these things at one time or another have kept us all up late at night, thinking and wondering do any of your enemies know your truth. 

I am here to tell you that instead of running from the things you’ve done, hiding your past as if it doesn’t exist, not embracing who you are so that if you want to, you can change those undesireable traits, embrace yourself. Attach your issues head on, let it out who you once were or maybe still are, because once you admonish what you use to be or what you don’t want to be the sooner you will be able to work on those things. Bettering yourself and letting go of your past. 

#stand tall

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Misery Loves Company…

I think the statement that serves as the title of this blog is the truest statement every written or spoken. I have seen this to be the case 100% of the time, that when someone else is miserable, they look to bring people with them. Another thing that I notice is when you’re miserable you tend to attract miserable people. And damn it, there is nothing like a group of miserable people to ruin a good time or cause a lot of problems.

i never understand why so many Black gay men decide that because their life sucks or they are struggling, that they feel the need to bring others with them. I also don’t understand the need to broadcast it to the free world. Don’t get me mistaken, there is great value in letting someone know what’s going on with you or how you’re feeling so that one, you can get the support you need and two, so that you know that you are not alone. But one thing that really annoys me is how many people will take to social media just to voice their depression and dissatisfaction with their lives. I’ve always thought that if you really want to stay on top of your emotions and feelings don’t get so caught up when things are going back or you’re feeling down, rather look inward for the strength to conquer it and find those who will pick you up and support you along the journey.

See sometimes when you’re miserable you’ll wind dating another miserable person and while you might have great sex, you find yourself still in that same miserable state. Or, if you find someone who has that bright light and light spirit you want to be like them, but because you can’t get out your own way, you tend to drag them down with you, creating two sad sack ass people in the process. There is a fine line to draw between surrounding yourself with the positive people needed to get through your miserable condition and surrounding yourself with people that you ultimately bring down because your negativity drains the group.

If your life is so fucked up to a point that you want to wallow and dwell in your misery and depression, don’t look for anyone else to bring you out. Go get help, talk to a professional and try to work on yourself. Build back up your self-esteem and then get some people who have some positive business about them and get some of your owns. See I’ve figured out that when you’re constantly working towards goals and accomplishing things in life, you don’t have much time to sit and dwell too long on any failure that may come, because you realize that the world will keep moving right on by you if you’re not careful.

So while it’s always prudent to take some time and figure out why something failed so you try to prevent that failure again; it is not smart to let it settle in your mind, because it will take over you and run your life, potentially ruining everything and everyone you touch. And you don’t want that to be the legacy you’re known for.

#Smile, it always gets better…

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The Current State of Affairs…

I want to take a little time and give my honest and heartfelt opinion on the tragic circumstances going on in Missouri and overseas in Iraq. I’ve been reading some of the commentary since the video of ISIS beheading the American journalist has been made public and I have to say I’m sadly disappointed and very shocked at some of the reactions being expressed. For anyone to think that we should now stop our offensive to protect not only our allies in Iraq but the Americans that are there to continue and provide safety and security for this country is obsurd and ridiculous. I will be the first to admit that after all these years fighting in two very unnecessary wars, I am as war tired as the next, but there is nothing in me as an American that believes we should stop the defense of human life and protection of our people.

While it is very easy to see how sympathetic someone is to the horrible murder of the American journalist, so much so, that they call for America to cease bombing, it is also very irresponsible to think that we have any other choice now. To back down to terrorists in the face of this tragedy would be to me to admit wrongdoing and condone violent murder. While I agree that we have a huge responsibility to take care of the issues facing us here at home, as the most powerful nation in the free world, we do also hold the responsibility of helping to protect those who cannot adequately protect themselves. It is based upon this premise and upon the premise that no one should be able to get away with killing innocent Americans on foreign soil, that I support the President and hope he bombs those bastards to and through the gates of hell.

Now let me come back to the home front and say a little about the events going on in Missouri surrounding the apparent senseless and pointless murder of an 18 year old Black young man. Day after day we’ve seen the authorities in Ferguson and Saint Louis county botch this investigation, blatantly disrespect the citizens of that town and show very little remorse or empathy for the situation unfolding. While I will never say that there is not a time where deadly force is needed, because there are certainly times where the police must protect by all means necessary, I think that just because you have a badge and a gun doesn’t give you the right to get brazen and trigger happy and take justice into your own hands.

This cop showed what appears to be an extreme use of force and needlessly gunned down this young man. Thankfully there is tape and witnesses that support Mike Brown and my hope is that the protests going on don’t undermine the bigger story, which the death, the murder of a young man for no good reason. The obvious monkey in the room is the face that the cop was White and Mike Brown was Black. As we have known throughout the history of this country there has been a very strong disproportionate form of physical “justice” enacted against Black people, especially Black men. You know even here in Atlanta there have been instances, most of them quiet, of police reacting solely based on a mystical piece of evidence that in a lot of cases, has no validity.

Even I have been a victim of the unjust view of Black men in America. I was off work having a late meal with a friend outside at my car, when from all points North, South, East and West we were bum rushed by police cars, both marked and unmarked. Guns drawn, assumptions made, because “someone” had called and said that I fit the description of someone breaking into cars downtown. Ironically enough the description given was that of the outfit of a delivery driver for a local business. The irony was that I was in the same area 30 minutes ago making a delivery and funny how nothing came of that. 

So while  we all like to think that because Barack and Michelle Obama sitting in the White House means that we are in a post racist society, the events of Ferguson, Missouri, Orlando, Florida, Southern California, Atlanta, Ga.  and New York City remind us that we are very much so still in the midst of a racial America trying to find its way and a the struggle between the Authority and Civilians rages on..

#I am my brothers keeper #God Bless America

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If Only I Could Go Back…

One of the things that I really dislike is when people are too caught up living in the past. Now I have to be honest and say that when I was going through some of my difficult times I often said If I could only go back to when I was.. or Damn I gotta get myself back to when I was… That right there was a defeated mentality. Because, the reality of the situation is that we aren’t meant to live in the past. No matter how successful and fun and productive the past was, it is not the present nor the future. It should be used as a point of reference, a source of inspiration of it was good and a motivational point if it wasn’t so good. 

The past is something we should not want to go back to because we aren’t intended to just be content living out of or off or the past successes. I challenge everyone to take some time and evaluate yourselves to determine if you still are hanging on to parts of the past because of the memories that were created. I often find it to be the reason why so many people, especially the LGBT community, hang on to old relationships that have reached their expiration dates. It’s that feeling that if only they can recreate the time and situation that led to the happiness that existed that the relationship will thrive. 

That to me is a very flawed notion because truth is as we get older and time passes we evolve and change. We stop wanting things that we use to seek and have a desire for something more in most cases. We aspire to have a sense of happiness and satisfaction and what we realize often times is that a person who made us happy in the past doesn’t make us happy now because they haven’t evolved with us. And instead of admonishing that and moving forward, we spend so much time and effort trying to hold ourselves back or wishing for the days gone by so we can keep that person that has our hearts.

The person that you will be with is one who grows along with you. You may not reach the same points at the same time but the work and effort and time put in will reflect someone trying to grow themselves much like you. I’m very proud to say that once I figured that out a lot of things became easier. While I realized I lost some people and let some others gets away because I was stuck in an old mind set, I was thankful that I had grown to accept that the best is always in front of me and I will always be better today than I was yesterday.

#Get out of the past…Sometimes you have to be ok with giving someone the benediction. 

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Raise Your Closed Fist…

It is often said that violence begets violence and I am a big believer in that. In any type of real relationship no matter how much you argue and have disagreements it should never culminate in ya hands being balled up and fists being swung. No weapons should be used, no hair should be pulled, no kicks should be fly. I hate the fact that in the Gay community soo many women and men allow themselves to be victims of domestic abuse and justify the actions as acts of love or proclaiming that the person must care for them because that violence is some how a simblence of affection.

I think its stupid and it’s a state of being imprisoned in a mentality that pain is love. I do believe that there is an element of lack of self worth that allows the person to stay in a violent relationship. There could also be elements of fear and the reality that the person doesn’t feel like they have no where to go, so they feel forced to stay in the situation until they can do better. Even if you’re fighting back and the both of you wind up with battle scars, does that in any way mean that love is any more real or strong?

I truly believe that once a fist gets thrown and other forms of violence occurs it will never get better, it will only get worse. What happens when they people get more enraged and instead of throwing hands, someone picks up a weapon? A knife, a bottle, and of all things a gun.. For as much as I’m in favor of play wrestling and slightly aggressive behavior in the bedroom to make the sex a lot more interesting and passionate, there absolutely is no room whatsoever for someone to think that they can put their hands on me and I accept it.

I can speak on this from a position of first hand knowledge. I have been in a physically violent relationship and I know how hard it can be to get out at times and how easy it is to trick the mind to justify the actions by any means you choose. Having said that, I also know that when you get tired of the fighting and you feel yourself pushed to the edge where you contemplate killing the other person, that is definitely when it’s time to go.

You should never allow yourself to feel so low as to stay in any situation where your safety is in jeopardy; because I promise it’s not love. Love might make a nigga yell, or push you away, but it won’t make them throw their hands at you in any harmful way. 

#No violence zone…

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Baby… I L*** You…

Ahhh another favorite of mines to talk about and discuss. The ability of someone to say I Love You and do you really know what it means when you say it.I don’t know if there is something that more people disagree on is how important it is tell the one you with I Love You. And then the other big debate is when should say it? Is there a certain length of time before it becomes appropriate? Is there a certain number of obstacles and challenges you’ve been through together before saying those words would be acceptable.

I guess it also depends on the context in which the words are said because in reality we have different types of love for different groups of people. Folks that are your very dear friends and family you love them too but its not the same kind of love and you probably can say it with less thought, although I would submit that you need to be fairly cautious of when you say that to friends, more so than family, because you need to make sure that that friend really does deserve the right to have your love in that way.

The real meat in this discussion is when is too soon to tell the one your with that you love them? I’ve heard some folks say that it’s not about how much time that passes, but more about what situations happen during the time that allows you to say I love you. Is there such a thing as falling in love too quickly and you really wanting to be loved so badly that you will lower the bar for being in love enough to tell the person you love them. On the flip side of the coin, if you’re the person who tends to take a long time to let those words come out why is it? Have you been hurt in your past for uttering those words too soon? Has someone taken advantage of the fact that they know you love them and exploit it to their benefit? Or could it possibly be that you just truly have a firm understanding for what it means to tell someone you in a relationship with that you love them and you don’t want to play around with those words and its meaning.

To tell your lover that you love them and to mean it, means that you are ready to make the necessary sacrifices in your relationship to make two lives merge into one. You are willing to stand by that person when they’re sitting on top of the world and when they’ve fallen to the bottom if it happens. It means that you are willing to take care of them when they sick and not run to the streets to find some dick, ass or pussy to fuck while they recover. It means that if they’re grinding to make life easier for the two of you and you are fortunate to not have to work, that you are pulling your weight around the house to make sure when they come home they’re hard efforts are appreciated.

See to say I Love You is more than just so you can fuck the night away or pull the strings of emotion of a person. It is actually the words that activate the process to work towards forever and to give yourself to your partner and them give themselves to you.

#Does love always hurt? #Real love don’t bring pain, just challenges…

3 Comments Posted on dating, love

Ooo.. I Think You’re Cute..

Is flirting considered cheating? I’ve had about as many arguments as I’ve had civil conversations about whether or not flirting constitutes cheating. This is one subject where I’m a little bit conflicted, because being a gay man, I’ve harmlessly flirted with women for years. I mean I will be extremely transparent and say that I don’t get turned on at all by a woman so flirting with them for me is just for fun. Where I have a little more of an issue however, is when it comes to flirting with another man. 

Yes gay men know how to flirt so smooth and easy, but also can be very blunt, overt and somewhat messy at times, depending on who’s doing the flirting. I have a very genuine respect for the person who says that they don’t like any kind of flirting by their significant other because they don’t like it and feel that it opens the door to all sorts of opportunities by someone else seeking that time and attention. I also respect the person who says that they are comfortable with themselves and their lover and if it’s just a little harmless flirting they don’t really care.

But I think that does beg the question: How much is too much? And this is where the whole divide begins and seems to take on a life of its own. Is it a sign of insecurity if you get caught in your feelings because someone flirts with ya boo, or if they flirt a little with someone else? Is it a sign that you or the other person aren’t really happy at home or are you just acting on your natural instinct to be engaging, personable and flirtatious? The confident man in me says that if there is a little flirting done by my dude or person I’m dating, I don’t become offended unless i feel like it crosses that threshold and becomes more intense and intimate. At no point should phone numbers or kik handles or twitter handles or Facebook handles be exchanged, because that is when I think it will carry too far and become something more than just a little flirting.

While I can honestly say that I have flirted and been flirted with while I’ve been in relationships, I have always made it clear that home is a happy place and nobody can change that unless I want them too. And to that end, I have usually held my poise when I see someone flirting with my dude, because I actually see it as a badge of honor that somebody else is tryna to get what got.. especially when they try to do it in my presence and my dude thanks them but politely says he’s not single. Being on both ends of watching it happen and having it happen I can say that as long as that trust there between the two people I think a little flirting keeps things healthy and fun.

#You look nice.. Do you flirt?

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Show me that dick…

One of the most controversial issues in rotation today is the sexting of adults and teenagers. Moreover, it’s the fact that so many people are having their pictures posted on social media once they send to the individuals requesting them, It’s a very interesting split as to how important people think it is and also how explosive the commentary is from people about the subject. The older folks think it’s horrible and shouldn’t be done and that they don’t understand why young folks are such in a rush to show off they dick and ass and the other. The younger generation, obviously, doesn’t take much thought into it and really feels like it kinda liberating and fun. 

See I don’t think that it’s such a big deal in most respects. Now I know that you know it’s not always popular to nor cool to have the world potentially seeing the pictures of your private parts, but I also think that when you have someone you kicking it with and they wanna see what you working with why not show them. It definitely gives you something to look forward to. I will be honest too and say that it can be a major damn turn on for somebody you dating or someone you’re about smash to send you pics of them and lets you have something to look at and imagine how it’s gonna feel.

I also think that men like it more then women because I think that for women they can be more sensitive about their bodies and lets be honest they think more about the consequences about where those photos could get out to and men also like to show off their dicks, especially if they big, so it makes more sense that we get caught up more often and have our pics out there. And you know when they sometimes wind up in the wrong hands all you can do is hope that they don’t circulate any further. Funny thing about it is when those pictures get passed around it actually drives your popularity up among those in the gay community because when they see what you got, more times than not, they wanna experience it and see if you really know how to use what you got. 

So the question I have for you is.. Do you like sexting? Have you sexted before?