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A Heavy Heart Takes Time

It’s a really hard thing when you lose someone that you care about. No matter if it’s a lover or a friend, family or someone you consider family. It’s also really difficult when you lose a lover that you thought would be around, or the people who’ve had your heart and broken it, or return and try to take advantage of it. As I’ve grown up and matured though, I realized that each event must be taken on its own merits and you got to heal from each one to truly get better.

I lost my best friend of 10 years a year ago and my heart is still weakened from that loss because it was tragic and unexpected. He was one of those friends that always was there and never judged me for anything that I did or didn’t do. He was a special person that can never be replaced and the void from him I know will take time to heal from . Compounding that with the difficulties of failed relationships and close friendships makes it even harder.

All of these things and so much more I keep on my mind and in my heart, and yet most people never know these things because I choose not to divulge them and just make sure that the face people see is a smile and the emotions and feelings people know are those that I want you to see. Learning how to cope with a heavy heart I learned is a part of life. Learning to block out the pain in order to deal with the feelings and emotions are critical.

You know I’ve been meeting and coming across a lot of folks from my past the past few weeks and months. First thought I had was why are you coming back. But then I realized my own answer. It’s time to let go of the past hurt and pain. It’s time to heal myself from the folks that have wronged me or hurt me, and that I’ve hurt along the way also.

It’s time to find that true peace with those situations and allow myself to remove some of those burdens in order to grow some more and take the next step into my personal growth and well-being. I’m excited now that I’m releasing so much of the past and being able to embrace so much of the future and present.

Heavy hearts kill people, make them depressed and can cause them to do all kinds of things harmful to themselves. I want people to always know that you don’t have to let yourself go just because you’ve had a broken heart for whatever reason. I hope this blog reaches someone who needs to read this and hope it channels your thoughts and emotions. Come out of the dark and walk back into the light

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The Light Will Always Shine

You know I never understand why people think that I’m not going to figure out when bull shit is being thrown at me. Don’t think that you can show up out the blue, “spend” a few hours of time, pay for one damn meal and think that you’ve accomplished something in my mind. That is absolutely false and you will certainly get your feelings hurt.

See when you try to portray one thing in my face, but then you show me something totally different when you not in my presence, you should always understand that I’m going to pay attention to the differences and pry myself into the situation to figure out why. I think that truly goes for any person that really knows how to read people. When someone shows you conflicting personalities and they have shaddy dealings, one would be wise to pay attention.

Something that I figured out a long time ago, was that if a person has to starting hiding the simple things, and being discreet with when they and how they contact you at times, chances are there is another dick, ass, or pussy waiting in the wings. Ha, the funny part is that some people actually believe that they can pull it off and not think that someone has noticed.

Be careful of how much you show someone, because if they’re truly attentive they will always be able to call your bluff. The ones who think that they’re good at it, might want to take inventory of themselves. The light always shines when you’re trying to fool a fool. LOL, if you don’t what I mean, ask me here or find someone you know and ask them. The nostalgia of days gone by, don’t get you a pass, if anything it makes the process more difficult.

Smiles and niceness always work for a temporary minute, the grind and the daily shifting makes all the difference. I will and forever say, that the person who tries for the quick fix and haymaker, will be the first one to get knocked out. LOL, I dare you to pay attention to your latest “interest” and see if they show you signs that you might just need to keep them a “fling” or just something fun to deal with on the side.. HEHE

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Praying Doesn’t Solve It

You know there is truth that prayer can change things. When you accept and acknowledge that there is a power higher than you that orders your steps, you can feel a breakthrough that you aren’t really able to accept you can do by yourself. But, the truth is that just praying about it, doesn’t solve it. There really is a little more to it than that.

My honest belief is that prayer validates it. Prayer is the conduit that we use to recognize that we have a connection to a being that is greater than we are. It is that thing that lets us say that I believe. I think that prayer allows us to say: Yes, I acknowledge you, and yes you order my steps in this world.

So many people sit out here and think that just because they pray that things are different. The text actually says that Faith without works is dead. I wonder how many people ignore the last part of the sentence and just focus on the first half as being the way it’s suppose to go. Just have the Faith in God and the rest will work itself through. When the truth is, you need the work in order to complete the path.

Don’t just tell me you’re praying about it but you haven’t chosen to do any of the necessary work. If you’re heartbroken just praying about it doesn’t heal you. Praying let’s God know that you trust in the spirit and believe that help is on the way. But you still have to forgive the one who hurt you. You still have to put in the effort to make yourself better, and to get over the hurt and pain, so you can accept the next one who comes along.

If you sustained an injury you don’t just pray about it and you’re miraculously healed. No, you pray for the strength and patience to go through the rehab necessary to help heal your body. In fact I’d venture to say that you still have to continue to pray once you get on the road to recover. I mean just think about it, one prayer doesn’t do it. Constant prayer changes things.

If you’re trying to get a job, change jobs, manage a difficult job, get into a relationship, navigate the trials of a relationship, mend a broken relationship, establish new friendships, heal wounds with friends and family, it takes prayers and work. You don’t just say I pray for it to get better and then don’t do anything, that means it will still die.

Always remember that what you put your effort into is what grows. What you pray for shows that you believe for that thing, but what about the rest. What happens if things don’t go your way or you wind up with a broken heart? Do you believe that it was meant to happen? Do you still believe that God is going to take care of you?

Prayer just says that sometimes when I look in the sand I see two sets of prints and other times I see one. Because when the burden becomes too much to bear you carry me through. Remember Prayers are important, but the work is just as critical.

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What Do You Stand For?

One of the most interesting things that I often find myself wondering about is do people actually care about what they stand for? Do you care about the legacy that you leave behind? So many times we say that we don’t care what others think about us, but do we care what those close to us think? Does it mean anything to truly have a legacy? I’m so fascinated by how those soldiers who die in the line of duty have their comrades and superiors speak about how awesome they were.

Think about the businessman or businesswoman who leads a successful company and retires or tragically passes away. They do everything they can to leave their “mark” and have their respective legacies stand for something. Think about the teacher or President. Think about that sports coach or that mom or dad. How is it that they seem to block out the world but hone in on their own?

What it makes me realize is that no matter how much one says they don’t care about anyone’s opinion, the truth is there are some opinions that do matter. Otherwise we wouldn’t spend our time trying to leave the mark that we do on this Earth. One my dearest friends is no longer here but the mark he left on those who know him is so profound.

I think of the President of the United States. How hard he works to make sure that people know he’s America’s President, not just the Black President. I look at mothers and military personnel that don’t get the credit they truly deserve, but they continue to be their best selves because they care and they want it to be known when their gone, that they did the right things.

What am I trying to say? You’re legacy is nothing than a reflection of what you stand for, and how you go about defending those beliefs. If you’re full of shit that will be legacy that you leave. If you are messy or suspect, or blowing with the wind, then that’s going to be what you’re remembered for. No matter what you or anyone else says, we always care about the legacy that we leave.

Maybe if we always kept that in the front corner part of our minds, maybe we would be more conscious of one another. Maybe we would care a little more about how we treated each other, because we know that our legacies are defined by these actions that we take. I truly do implore all people to take a moment and think about what you want to be known for. Because that’s what’s going to stand the test of time when your dead and gone.

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Caught In the Trap

Normally I’m a big supporter of Ryan Cameron and what he speaks about, however, today even he must be opened up to what he just allowed himself to fall pray to today. As normal, on my way to work, I was listening to the Ryan Cameron morning show on V-103 and he was doing his segment about him having to speak out again some social issue that’s important to the community. Today’s choice was President’s Obama’s mandate of equal bathroom privileges for the Transgender community.

What his comments strikingly crass, uninformed, and unapologetically right leaning in tone, is the fact that he was very vague with his description of the mandate and then had the dumb ass nerve to suggest that more dialogue is needed on the subject. Hey Ryan wake the fuck up man! This is the Republican playbook if I’ve ever seen it. See they’ve had a strategy since the Supreme Court deemed same sex marriage legal in the United States. Conservative Republicans have systemically gone about trying to introduce legislation to find ways to skirt the ruling and find ways to create legal loopholes to deny the LGBTQ community it’s right granted by the US Supreme Court.

It began with various states writing the so called “Religious Freedom” bills and trying to get those through their Congressional state legislature and subsequently to the desk of the Republican Governor in that respective state. Once the government got wind of this and threated Federal dollars and once businesses threatened to pull out of these states, most of those plans have went down the shit hole. Enter the Bathroom bill passed in North Carolina and attempted to be passed in other states in the country.

What Mr. Cameron seems to conveniently leave out of his ignorant and uninformed talking points is that the Federal Courts have already started weighing in on the situation and deemed bills like the one in North Carolina to be unconstitutional to enforce in public schools because it violates Title IX, which prevent discrimination based on Gender, Sexual Orientation and so on in public academic institutions. Now the fight is whether businesses are allowed to discriminate solely based upon someone’s gender identity.

It is clear that the Obama Administration has said no, you can’t do this, but Mr. Cameron wants to believe that their decision wasn’t based upon conversations, just a rush to protect individuals. How ignorant of you sir. Maybe if you’ve been paying attention to the National discourse over the past year and a half or so, since that historic ruling in favor of same sex marriage, you would know that State Governments across the nation went into panic mode as to how to minimize the impact and find ways to disparage my community.

There has been talk about this for months and months now. This is a way for Republicans to set their agenda and try to attack the Courts ruling by putting in legal, constitutional measures, that say they can discriminate based upon gender identity, which paves the way for an expansion to discriminating because it’s against their religion and before you know it, we, the LGBTQ community, are marginalized yet again. Furthermore to the point, if you really think that transgender folks are the concern with “bathroom” selection you’re wrong.

I dare you or anyone who doesn’t understand to give me the proven data that says that Transgender men or women have been the aggressors in bathroom attacks. Oh and you’re assertion that grown men and women sharing a restroom with a young kid is somehow a no -no, just because they identify with the different sex, is laughable. Have you been in the women’s restroom Mr. Cameron? Do you know if Transgender women are already in the bathroom with girls and vice versa for the men?

I understand that just like with homosexual love and acceptance, some folks will never come to grips with or accept a Transgender person and their choices. But, at the same time how would we feel if we were back in the 1940’s 50’s and 60’s where Black people couldn’t use a White’s only restroom? Or if we have colored only restaurants again? So I guess the conversation is fine as long as it’s furthering your cause, but once it stops, you reject the movement right?

Ryan Cameron I know you’re a better man than to just spew the dumb ass rhetoric you’ve seen and heard. I know you know to do your own homework before speaking on the matter. And I really know, that you know better than to glaringly generalize and paint with a broad brush a National debate that has been very front and center for a while and one that frankly, is about respect and rights.

Maybe this will reach you sir and maybe it won’t. If it does I certainly welcome the conversation with you and if not, anyone who reads this, give me your thoughts. I’m open and ready to have this conversation.

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The Message in a Movie

I finally got watch the third installment of the Barbershop series and I must say it was really a damn good movie. I loved how they really took the time to spotlight the violence going on in Chicago. They went and addressed the young black on black crime. The killing committed by gangs and most importantly the recruitment and brain washing that so many of them do in order to reach these young, impressionable teens.

They really delved into the issue of crimes being committed by us to us, and how we take out some of promising young people because of stupid ass gang shit, and petty jealousy. I truly appreciate also how they touched on the issue of martial hanky panky and how women like to get a man who’s already gotten. They touched on the struggles of a Black man trying to raise his son and provide the best he can. It touched on the diverse personalities of Black men and how just because you don’t act like the stereotypical male, it doesn’t mean you’re gay or  not.

They really did a brilliant job of showing how a marriage needs 100 percent effort on all fronts from both parties, not just one or the other. It showed that as much as the sex, and companionship is needed, that communication piece is just as critical also. I found it to be refreshing that they addressed so many of the issues facing the Black community in major metropolitan cities in America. They showed that in order to truly take our inner cities back, it starts with the common man. Politicians won’t do shit without incentive, motivation, or public scrutiny forcing them to do something about it.

They fully addressed how easily influenced our young men are today by the flashy things, instead of being impressed by the steady things. We see that money and power and popularity, seem to trump smarts, stability and individualism. The movie chronicled  fathers trying their best to raise their sons, being great role models and sometimes that still not being enough to stop the temptation. We see how two friends take different paths. One, because of his previous misdoings stepping up to walk away from the gang and the other needing to be faced with reality to understand that life was dangerous.

If you really want to true picture of why the struggle is so real, I do implore you to watch this movie. You will appreciate the struggle, get some laughs and also relate to many of the characters portrayed on screen.

If you’ve already seen the movie, which I’m sure most of you have, tell me what you think.

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Black Women Roar

I was recently having a conversation with a couple of women in my office about Beyoncé’s Lemonade album and the expected rebuttal album from Jay and it was very interesting the conversation that broke out. What became very apparent is that though both women were Black and in their mid to late 20’s their opinions on the matter of marriage, cheating, and longevity in that marriage were very different. What was also clear is that their opinion of what a feminist is, was far from consistent.

While I was a little concerned at first because the conversation became very heated and the debate was spirited, I was actually enjoying the conversation also because I got to witness what it means to be black and diverse in this state, let alone the country. To hear a woman proud of herself and her feminist beliefs, go head to head with a woman who was a little more centrist but no less strong in her views of womenhood. I must also include that one woman is gay and the other is straight.

While, you might have thought that the gay woman would be the ultra feminist you would be wrong. The straight woman, maybe in part due to her diverse background and various places she called home, was very fervent in her belief that due to the stances, positions and manner of speaking the other woman had, that she wasn’t enough of a feminist. She thought that she was not truly pro Woman and actually was a bit of a prejudicial person at that.

She thought that she was a little sexist because she tended to agree with the notion that cheating in a marriage shouldn’t necessarily constitute divorce. In listening to both of them speak with passion about their positions that they care about, I could also tell that they both had been massively influenced based upon where they came from. The gay woman is from Texas, and carries the laid back disposition that is slightly judgmental but she is well aware of judgmental nature, though she still can befriend them.

The straight woman has a subconscious high degree of judgmental behavior, though in her argument she tries to say that because of her strong feminist view and humble upbringings she is not judgmental of anyone. It was truly a sight to behold. Two women giving every bit of truth and energy they have in a debate that started about marriage, infidelity and divorce and transformed into a battle of view. It was really amazing.

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Consistently Inconsistent

You know what I’ve come to learn over my time talking to people and from the talks I have with my friends, is that every damn nigga in this city/state is consistently inconsistent. No one seems to know how to truly be about the business that they claim to be. No one seems to truly be real and honest. Everyone has an angle, and the minute that you either: a, stop fitting the angle; b, stop feeding their ego or c, the next dick or ass that feeds their want pops in their face, then whatever it was that being worked on stops.

I do find it to be funny that I have to agree with the same assessment that my friends have outlined above. I will agree completely that this shit happens all the damn time and it’s really pretty sickening. No matter if it’s a boyfriend that changes his spots, a friend that only seems to pop up when they need something or exes that seem to find their way around only to show they’re still no different than they were before; oh and let’s not forget the newbie that tries to talk a good game only to have it picked apart in less than a day.

What I find to be the most ironic is how everyone seems to shout the line that they tired of the same old shit, but they keep doing the same old shit. I wonder if people really got tired of it what things would truly look like. OOOOH, and while we’re at it, it’s not just an Atlanta thing, because this city is littered with people who aren’t from here or raised here and they have the same messy, bullshit type mentality as the niggas from this city.

It leads me to the conclusion that I’ve spoken about before: this city contains so much readily available dick and ass that no one seems content to wanna stick by their word, Instead, they’d rather hide under the umbrella of “friendship”, “meeting people”, or “relationship oriented” in order to accomplish their actual goals. Sex, money and control, in some way, shape, form or fashion combine to make up the reasons that people do most of what they do.

While the conscious mind may not say it or admit it, it’s the actions that people take that show you who they are and what they’re really all about. You can talk til your purple about respect, common ground and realness, but the truth is that shit takes a real ass person to enact as a way of being and honestly, most niggas too afraid of being vulnerable to be real. Too concerned with being in control or not letting yesterday happen today, so nothing of substance can truly be had.

The only thing that I know, is niggas are consistently inconsistent What are your thoughts?

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Empire Strikes It Right

So I just finished watching the season of Empire and I was absolutely fascinated by this episode. I know many have been turned off by the show after the beginning of this season was a little too Hollywood cameo filled and the writing was very sporadic and not tight. But damn it, I must say that by and large since the season has returned they have delivered show after show of must see t.v.

Tonight we found out that Luscious’ mom isn’t dead but is alive and well. We found out that the FBI is going to come back after the Lyon family. We saw the damn producer for the awards show reveal that he’s a queer and fucked around with Jamal, like OMG. We see that Jamal might be fucking around with Tiana again. We see that Rhonda is starting to piece together that boo boo kitty might have been responsible for killing her unborn child. We saw the Lyon’s come together and create a beautiful song that was just perfect. And then we saw Luscious’ mom show her true colors.

I mean how much can you fit into an episode. Oh, and lets not forget that Cookie’s assistant planted a seed in her sister’s head about being jealous. My goodness, the show may not still be for you but damn it did for me tonight. I was truly mesmerized by the collab that they did tonight. I thought it just made you sit back and think and appreciate that music and the voices that they have. Hakeem and his verse was fye. I can appreciate where the story lines and are going and the cliff hangers that they keep dangling are enticing.

They continue to shine the light on rebuking the stereotype that gay men all look and act alike. They continue to dig deeper into what it means to have your first love around and remembering all the up and downs that keeps you from letting go, especially when you have kids together and are in business too. I’m really happy that they went away from spinning Jamal from gay, to bi/curious or whatever they did and continued to explore the dynamics of gay men.

I’m excited to see what happens the next two weeks. One of the Lyons will die and there will be so much left to cover before they sign off for the summer. The music, the drama, the plots and the stories. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

 

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Stop the Rape

I received an alert this morning that completely disturbed me and I heard the story on the radio and I was reminded just how delicate and fragile the relationship is between Morehouse and Spelman College. Again, another story surfaces bout multiple students from Morehouse taking advantage of a Spelman student at a party and gang raping her. Four men on one girl, just because she was drunk.

While that was sickening, the most heinous part was what her school Administration told her to do. According to her story that she posted on Twitter, she was told to give the young men a pass because Morehouse and Spelman are brother and sister schools. I’m sorry but what the fuck is the thought process like at these schools? I just really can’t believe that once again we’re confronted with this dynamic.

Time and time again, I defend my alma mater because I am proud to be one of the privileged to have attended the school and grew up with an extreme sense of pride. While we have our share of issues, I never thought that this would become the epidemic that we became known for. I understand that Spelman has a lot of very attractive women, and Morehouse is filled with very handsome men, but got damn is really that serious that you gotta ruin yourself, your rep and tarnish your schools image.

Maybe, that’s part of the problem though at 830 Westview Dr SW. Maybe, they spend too  much time telling us how privileged and special we were. Maybe some of the students chosen weren’t use to hearing that or the opposite is true. Maybe they been hearing it too much. Maybe we are too stuck on ourselves and think that just because we go to this prestigious school that we’re immune from following the rules of decorum and the laws of the land.

If you know me, then you know that I bleed Maroon and White, but I’m also a man who’s so serious about human rights. Who was the ignorant ass who thought that we can continue to take advantage of the special bond that suppose to exist between these two tradition rich schools? Why do we feel that if we can’t get what we want, we must force our will to be done?

I implore the students of Morehouse and Spelman to come together and have a forum to truly bring an end to this foolishness. I urge the Alumni of both schools to become more involved. I need to see that there are folks who are more concerned with protecting the current and next waves of Morehouse men and Spelman women, than protecting their status within either school.

This type of behavior doesn’t make either school look good. It makes us question why we really have the “brother, sister” bond in the first place. We need to take these Administrations to task also. The Presidents, Dean’s and respective Student Government leadership need to come together to get a handle on this shit. What the fuck will it take in order to truly put a stop to this? Does someone need to get seriously hurt in one of these gang rapes?

The narrative needs to change too. We must open our mouth and not be afraid to challenge that which we know is wrong. Across America college campuses are facing this horrible epidemic and we really need it to stop. So please start the conversation, band together and lets make some changes.

Tell me your thoughts and lets have the dialog.