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Black Ignorance

I have read a couple of the social media posts of two famous black celebrities and it made me think about why this plight has been so difficult in achieving true equality for our people. Some Black people, once they get a little clout, they forget really just how real the injustice for us is. They isolate themselves to a degree from everyday America and they love to use to refrain ” I don’t care what people got to say” or “I have this with a black person, so there can’t be White Supremacy.” In this case I’m referring to Marcellus Wiley, who hosts a show on Fox Sports One, and Ice Cube. Apparently, these two men have a distorted view of what’s going on in this country at the moment. The reason why is pretty damn apparent; they have a life that doesn’t subject them to the same normalcy that we are and it shows.

Let’s take Marcellus Wiley first. I really get tired of hearing some “I’ve got a little stature” black people talking about how they don’t see White Supremacy because they host one little show with one other black person, who replaced one black person. What kind of fucking sense does that make? I think somebody hit you in the head with a stupid brick because it doesn’t make sense. Secondly, he uses the fact that he was born and living in the world prior to the Black Lives Matter movement being founded, but dumb ass, the movement is just the latest iteration of the Black Civil Rights Movement. It’s the latest organization to attach itself to the cause for the whole. The fact is the movement is a carryover from the decades and hundreds of year fight of black people seeking freedom. Which makes Wiley’s claim that he’s been fighting longer than the movement moot and fucking ignorant.

Additionally, let me take issue with his comments regarding the NBA’s decision to use their platform to keep the movement going in the national mainstream conversation. His statement that it’s going to be divisive to the country to have that displayed sounds like a Conservative line I’ve heard. I guess for Wiley, because he now has his position and money, he doesn’t want anything to upset his apple cart. Well, I’m glad that he isn’t leading this cause. I’m glad that every day folks like myself aren’t taking our cues from him. I guess for many people out there, a little agitation is enough. God forbid we want to truly make substantial change for the community for the race, not just your weak ass pockets. This common narrative seems to be very pervasive through Conservative channels and some in Black America. Because they have reached a level of success, it means that the injustices and inequalities that are obvious and blatant aren’t real. That’s how White America has remained in control.

There is no to be fair for Wiley, because when I read his entire statement, his position is based upon the face that the mission state for BLM says they want to blow up the nuclear family structure and they want to end the patriarchal dynamic that exists. For him, it makes sense right. He is the man of his house and the bread winner, so he calls the shots. I guess if a movement does want to end that thought process and make it more equal mission, that Matriarch or Patriarch is accepted and should be the model. Meaning, either man or woman can be the power and head of their households. Funny, that he doesn’t want to upset that dynamic right. Too many people are concerned with “nation fatigue” with regards to the in your face, unapologetic nature of the movement wanting to force its way to change. I guess in the 60’s when King and Malcolm were pushing for change. When the NAACP and SCLC and other organizations made protesting and lobbying for equal rights an every day issue they were bordering on nation fatigue right? If you got a weak stomach or you’re satisfied with the status quo, that’s fine, you are entitled to have your feelings and positions. But don’t bring you sponge ass on television trying to assert that a nation is going to get tired because people are forcing change, just sit you fuck ass up and let the movement reign.

Now on to Cube. I appreciate all that he’s done and is doing to advance the upward mobility of black people. With his label and basketball league and movie producing. It is something that we can’t take for granted or marginalize. However, he seems to think that he’s on the right side of the issues by aligning with Louis Farrakhan. I’m not sure what planet he walks to think that his mindset is the correct one, but that’s his right to believe it. Just don’t try to correct someone else, because they want to hold the man accountable for his homophobic and anti-Semitic views. Come to see lately, Cube has had his share of Anti-Semitic views as well. His social media has been littered a bit with his anti-Jewish dislike. His portrayals of Jewish people using Black people to their advantage needed context that he was unwilling to provide.

I took some time to research this issue and there is a fundamental issues that needs to be addressed. The Jewish people were part of the Transatlantic Slave Trade and other Slave Trades that caused Africans to wind up here in America. However, the question is did they really play such a large role in the enslavement of African people. Yes they did own slaves, much like British people and Caribbean folks and some African people, along with the French and others. Yet, when we were trying to obtain our freedom in America and Jewish people were here, they didn’t make much of effort to aid in the fight. That is a very valid point that through research has never been explained. They are a group of people that every turn make mention of their enslavement when they were in concentration camps and murdered like they were less than equal.

I think that in our rush to make points about one race versus another, we must be careful to provide the context necessary. We also need to make sure that just because one gets to eat, they don’t marginalize those fighting for all to be able to eat. That’s a problem in our community, we don’t know how to stick together for the good of the race, we just worry too much about the good of the self.

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A Distraction Needed

So, the time has come for the “normalcy” to return as many people keep calling for. We are about to have sports return, television networks filming shows for the fall and for some it couldn’t have come sooner, for others it’s returning at an opportune time. We are still in the middle of a burning hot pandemic, we have a civil rights movements underway and now we’re about to interject the world of sports back into the equation. Many have talked obsessively about the need for the sports professionals to come back and entertain us. Take our minds off the Coronavirus pandemic and the civil unrest that the Black community has undertaken to further our cause for equality. As we sit and wait for the leagues to determine if they will indeed be able to have a season, we are faced with answering the question of whether this will take our eyes off the health crisis and social crisis griping this country.

I have listened to both sides of the coin and I am honestly torn as to exactly how I feel. On the one hand as a fan, yes I want to see the sports world return. To have a reason to laugh loudly, trash talk playfully, watch attentively as my favorite players and teams vie for championships. But, on the other hand, I think about just how dangerous this virus is out here. How it’s hitting people regardless of stature. But how it is disproportionally hitting the Black community. Then too, it’s the protesting and unrest being displayed by black people trying to obtain equality. Trying to get the nation to change from the racist and bigoted ways of the past four hundred plus years. I wonder if this sports return will make some forget that we are still protesting in the streets. Still out pushing and lobbying for change in state legislatures and national legislatures.

I do think that the platform that many of the black athletes will have when they return to live national television, will possibly allow for us to have the conversation furthered to a degree that maybe it still isn’t being received currently. There is something powerful about the most influential athletes openly speaking and displaying the need for reforms. Primarily, because so many white people think that the more financially well off people speaking out makes a situation more important. Also, if these athletes take the position of the community organizers and emphasize more patronage of black business and boycotting those corporations who aren’t showing with actions that they support the cause, it will be more effective.

Yet, sometimes I also feel that it’s very sad and unfortunate that we can’t have regular people be the leaders of this movement. The catalyst can be regular people, but the ignitors have to be famous individuals. This is the unfortunate reality for the Black community but necessary for change to really take hold. Primarily because White America see money as the measure of power, and that’s why black people have to use our collective dollars to continue to hold accountable corporations and white people to ensure that we don’t allow this movement to end. The dichotomy is obvious and the movement taking place hopefully will work towards ending that making this a more fair, equal fight.

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That is a symbol of Hate

When you hear that phrase what do you think of? You think of things like a noose hanging from a tree or a cross being burned in the yard of a church or in front of someone’s house. You think of seeing the kkk garments that White people wore. See in general you think of things that are unmistakably racist or prejudiced and all things included. But you wouldnt’ necessarily attach that to having the Black Lives Matter signage painted or displayed on your street or on a billboard. Unless, you happen to be this president or some other conservatives who are looking at things beyond what people are specifically saying the cause is for.

I have a question to Conservative White America. Is this really what you all believe? Are you really that single minded and stuck on power and hierarchy that you don’t care about the lives of the people who you work with, live next to, watch play your favorite sports, care for and raise your children, help build your buildings and cars, who will till your land, who will design your office space or home. How can you really sit and tell me that seeing the racial inequality, the judicial inequality, the financial inequality doesn’t bother you? I think if that’s the case then all the bull shit that you blabber about the flag being sacred and this country being the best ever is just that.. bull shit. How can we live in this society with those thoughts?

Yes I know that that’s exactly the world that we have lived in for thousands of years. For hundreds of years, yes we have had this mentality and you wonder why so many over the years have protested against this country. You wonder why so many black people say that there is no fairness or there is no great American promise for all, because we have been and still are the most marginalized people in the country. I have written about this point many times and I will continue to reinforce it, black people are the only ethnic group that was forced to come to this country. We are the only people who came as a mass into slavery. We are the only people who didn’t get educational and financial assistance upon coming to further our people. I guess for some of you, you think that’s fair because your ancestors down the line benefitted from having black servants. You benefited from having slaves build the railroads and houses and bridges that you used and occupied.

The question that I have for some of you white people, is when you go through Black neighborhoods and you double check to make sure your doors are locked or you make sure to speed up just a little so you get through a little faster, why is that done? Are you really scared of us? Because when you pay us to wash your cars, or we take your orders at a fast food establishment, or you pay us to manicure your lawns, or you pay us to be a mechanic and fix your vehicle? Because, a good number of those individuals live in those exact same neighborhoods that you are so seemingly frightened to go through.

It is a sad commentary that as we are embarking on the next phase of the Black Civil Rights Movement, we’re still left to talk about people who see symbolisms of the movement has hatred or less than. How long do you really want a people to be held down and suffocated? Is there ever a time that you believe that the preamble of the constitution should be applied to all of it’s citizens? Is there such a time where you feel that all people should be entitled to the same opportunities as you and family that came before you? Maybe you will never reach that point. Maybe it will be up to your children and the generations after to see that equality should be for all, on all fronts and that will be the only time when you can say that American lived up to her lofty goals.

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Lies, Deceit and Politics

Here we are sitting on the bridge of history. We have had months of protesting and unrest. Hundreds of thousands of black and white people marching for equality. Marching for change and accountability for police officers nationwide. Marching for changes to the legal system and public policy towards black people, especially black men who are unarmed killed by law enforcement unnecessarily. We have watched as athletes, actors, politicians, teachers, protesters and all have joined in the call for us to make substantial changes in this country. We see the confederate monuments being taken down, schools, colleges and universities changing names of buildings in order to start to right the wrong. We have seen continued efforts by leaders of states to make change, and yet the US Congress can’t even come together to make steps towards fixing the past.We’re here on the cusp and yet, we’re so far away.

Republicans in the US Senate, don’t want significant legislation to force changes to policing and the training and policies that law enforcement have to follow when handling members of their communities. They yet want to continue to provide escape hatches for the bad actors who wear the uniform. Let me be perfectly clear, I am not in opposition to police officers. I understand that they are needed, but I also understand this country has weaponized them beyond measure, given the autonomy for so long to do what they want across country and now the time has come for us to change that. They must be held accountable for their actions and we must acknowledge that the legal system is biased against black people and we must work to change that. Rather than be on the right side of history, those hypocritical Republican Senators are going to hold these changes up until the public fervor has waned and the cries for change have diminished, but I have news for these sorry fucks, this time is different. We are still protesting in the streets for change.

All across America in all sorts of demographics, from the cities to the suburbs and even urban areas. People have realized that injustices have been occurring and they are determined to make right what has happened. Elections are coming and people are going to vote. We’re going to remember the people who chose to stand on the wrong side of history, and hopefully replace those people who decided that politics was more important that fixing what has been broken for hundreds of years. Why is it necessary for this to happen today? Time and time again it has been proven that when we are at the doorstep there will be people who really don’t want that change that they publicly claim to support. They always say if you want to know what someone believes just see what they do. Their actions will show you everything that you need to know. We aren’t going to stop this time. Enough of allowing these “Conservative” White people and blacks telling us when our emotions are enough. Of them telling us just how outraged we should be. Of them telling us how we should protest for equality. Since when did justice have a type? When people want change they revolt if they can’t get it civilly because that’s the only way they’re heard. King said it very clearly that rioting is the voice of the of suppressed. Forgotten and marginalized people will always have to fight for change.

Black people have been fighting since being brought here for the equality of the other races and nationalities. We still don’t get the credit for all that did in this country and those old ass, sorry White men in D.C. and across the country want to keep it that way for as long as they can. They want to keep the power because they know, once taken from them there is no turning back. Equal rights for equal citizens. Educate and advance. Learn and thrive. Never accept less than that.

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American Sadness

Don’t let the title fool you completely. This is not a bash America thing or anything of the sort. I am however, writing to provoke the minds of people to understand just how fucking stupid and pathetic we look right now. Do you realize that we are in the middle of the worst health crisis since the Spanish Flu and we have government officials who are politicizing this crisis, mostly because they are absolute morons, they lack the spine to challenge a gutless President and the sorriest reason of all, is they want to win the November election. I never thought that I would live to see the day where people care about politics over the welfare of over three hundred million people. But, then again I have to remember that this is also the same country that fought to keep black people as slaves. This is also the same country that refuses to make reparations to Black people for the free labor they got from us. So I guess, in hindsight, it all makes perfect sense right.

We are sitting here more than three months from the outbreak of this virus in the United States and the truth is we’re no better off now than we were in March when things first broke out. We have new cases surging over half of the United States. Southern States, that opened way too fucking soon, because of the ignorant, minion like mentality for following this incompetent ass President by Republican Governors across the South. We now see states rushing to roll back some of their reopenings and now trying to reinforce the Science and Medical community warnings that masks need to be mandatory and that people need to stay the fuck away from each other. Question is will it be too late?

You keep hearing the medical experts saying that if we don’t act soon, that we will not be able to get control of this virus in a meaningful way, which means we will be fucked and who knows how devastating the death toll will be. Additionally, we still have no idea what the long term effects of the virus is on the human body, but from early reports it ain’t good. Someone needs to really tell me how much longer are we going to sit here and be manipulated to thinking that being ignorant and arrogant about this virus will keep you safe? We aren’t going to just be able to overpower this infection. It has the upper hand because it’s unknown. We don’t have the medicines to stop and cure this virus, so why the fuck are people out here acting like it’s just another day in the park?

Listen I understand that to continue to be home and away from people is rough. I understand that sitting home is not the preferred method of handling this situation. True that most of us may not know anyone who has this virus, but I want you all to be mindful that at any given moment in time, it can be you or someone you love or care about infected, battling for their lives. As we have seen, it doesn’t matter if you’re famous or not. Black or White, this virus will get you. But naturally, it is more devastating to the black community, yet all I see is so many of us, especially the young ones, out in the streets or in the clubs all hugged up and close, not social distancing and not wearing masks. What the fuck is wrong with y’all? So many say they’re tired of being home and doing nothing. Tired of not being out in the streets. But what happens if you get infected with Covid?

The time really has come for us to stop thinking of the individual self and look at the collective whole. We must protect ourselves and our community. It’s hard but not impossible. If you gotta go out, be smart. Social distance, wear your mask. It ain’t hard and it won’t cost you a damn thing. If we really are that hard headed that we would rather have luxury over our health, what the fuck does that say about us as a people?

Wake the fuck up, please.

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Black Inequality

I’m guessing if you looked at the title of this blog you think I’m continuing from my prior message regarding the movement at hand. And in some ways your correct, but not exactly how you think. Right now I’ve heard a lot of commentary on social media about when the appropriate time will be to discuss the fact that the heterosexual Black community doesn’t support the LGBTQ+ community when it comes to equal rights and the injustices that are done towards us in this community. There is a fair question that was posed during the height of the protests following Mr. Floyd’s murder. It was, if this was a Gay, Black man who was killed in cold blood like that, would the entire Black community and the country at large, would be behind this movement, supporting him.

This is a situation that I’m conflicting on, because I truly have two dueling thought processes about this right now and I’m not really sure which is right, but I tend to go with the more pessimistic view point, just based upon history. On the one hand, I would like to think that seeing that level of brazen disrespect for life of a human would transcend whether or not it was a gay or straight man, in this instance, the fact that there is video footage showing a cop murdering an unarmed man in cold blood would cause us to galvanize as a race of people and attack the large picture that we see being addressed currently in this country. My logic reasons that people aren’t that cynical that if the details were to come out that he was a gay man and had a lover, that we would have turned down the volume on the level of outrage and anger we’re feeling, because it would still be an unarmed black man slain at the hands of the law.

Then, there is the more realistic, less optimistic person that says somehow the details would matter in this case. The fact that the man was gay and not a straight man, would ward off some of the hardcore ‘Straight” black people and even some of the White community that aren’t comfortable throwing their support behind the Gay community. Somewhere in the conversation would definitely come up religion and how the interpretation of the bible that says being gay is a sin would somehow justify some of the religious community that wouldn’t be advocating as strongly as they are now for change. I can see a situation where some of the older black people, that were raised with The Church, would be conflicted on whether they could give full support to something that they feel is wrong and worth condemning someone to hell for. Similarly I can see a situation where some of the countries around the world that are protesting with us, maybe being more demur and mellow, because many countries still don’t accept homosexual people as equal members of society.

There would be so many layers underneath it all for people to sit and determine what side of history they want to be on. But I can see some of the football players and coaches and professional sports teams being reluctant to endorse in full throat the movement because the figure being used as a the figurehead isn’t “typical” enough to be used as a rallying cry. Yes, I know this requires a level of pessimism that some may say is dangerous, but as an openly gay, black man who lives in this country, this community, I really don’t have a hard time reaching this conclusion. For me I see it as completely logical because lets face it, the black community hasn’t exactly rallied around those Transgender women who’ve been murdered across the nation. They don’t seem to be quick to accept abuse to gay, black men if they are “bible toting Christians” because to them the sin of being gay is the primary cause of the situation.

It is very fair for us to wonder just how much support we would be receiving from the straight community if this were a gay man. I understand those who say lets wait until we have gotten sufficient action and change for the community at large before we address the more complex issue of the black, gay man. But, I would caution that that’s exactly what we say every time we have a tragic mass shooting that murders innocent people. It’s the same thing we had been saying about police brutality and policy changes. Sometimes the lets be patient and get one thing done before the other doesn’t work. It allows the heat to die down, the passion becomes subdued and now we aren’t willing to be as fervent tackling the issue. So I think that this is a conversation worth having right now and one that we need to address within our own community. Because like it or not, it is more likely than not that this will happen again, and next time it may be a black, gay man. And what are we going to do as a community? Are we going to support him as ferociously and demanding as we are with this current set of killings or are we going to be tepid, justifying our action or inaction based upon where we fall on the religious spectrum?

Lets discuss it

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The Heart of America

Again I’ve found myself wrestling with just how to comment on everything that we’ve seen for the past three weeks. The continued murder of unarmed black people, especially men, by police across this country. It is the very essence of a hate crime, if you’re willing to expand your mind enough. These are typically White officers who are killing Black people in cold blood and with no recourse. They’re not just doing it under the cover of darkness, but because they know they can get away with it, they’re killing us in broad damn daylight. You would think they want to be more subtle, but hell when you think about it, why should they? They no reason not to. The sorry ass juries that get convened very rarely convict them. The people in power are always protecting them, so it is a surprise that all these black people are being gunned down for no reason, while our White counterparts are continued to be handled with kid gloves? The question now is, have we truly reached the end of this shit? Have we said as a people, Enough is a fucking nough?

In my opinion right now, this fight, this journey, this battle is for the heart of America, not anything else. I could sit here and recite the numbers and statistics of the black people killed by cops. I could give you the statistics of the likelihood of violence against black people versus White from law enforcement, but if you’ve watched television or read articles published, you know those numbers by now. Instead this is geared to your heart. This is my plea for you White Americans who still don’t get it, to think deeper and harder about the situation. This is for some of you who keep saying All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, to consider why now, in this moment, the nation and the world are rallying around my community to enact change and to attempt to work towards making whole, what has been broken. The Black community is broken, tired, beaten, but resilient. We are fighting back the way we know how. We are finding a way to come together from all walks and getting the rest of the world involved to stand up and say no more. To say that we have had taken this shit for far too many years and we are sick and damn tired of it.

So here is my plea to all of you out there who are still in denial or are simply attempting to divert from the reason for the protests and unrest right now. Imagine if your family was taken to a foreign country against it’s will. Weren’t given a choice to stay or go, but told that you were going to be enslaved to a master who will control everything that you do. You’re family is separated often times. Your children are taken from you and you never see them again. Imagine that your beaten over and over again simply for not being good enough in the eyes of your master. Imagine not being able to read or write. Imagine not having your freedom. You live just to please a master and nothing else. Imagine working in your owners home, but you just serve the purpose of servant and sex slave. You are there to perform whatever acts master says. If they want to fuck you and make you have their child or children, you have no choice but to accept that reality.

Now what if you were given your freedom, but nothing else. You didn’t have a place to live. You have no type of formal education. You don’t know the basics of really surviving in the world that you have been released into. What do you do? How do you decide what you will do in terms of food and survival? Even after being freed imagine that your still mistreated, beaten, spit on, disgraced. You do what you see the others doing, volunteering to defend the foreign country you live in by going to war as a solider for that nation, only to return to hate and bigotry. To be pulled of your bus and beaten because you’re wearing the uniform of US Military and you  have those people who feel you’re not human, not worthy of fighting for their freedom. Think about that for a second. Do you think that’s fair? Are you upset yet? Does it make you think about your opportunity to really make it where you live?

Imagine your kids being beaten and spit on just because they want to better themselves and have a solid education and opportunity to rise up and be better than you, which is what all parents want for their children. Imagine your child being lied on and instead of being vindicated, your child is murdered in cold blood, left to rot and be made an example of. Imagine your daughters being raped just because of who they are and justice never coming for them. Imagine your mothers and fathers being beaten and brutalized because they’re trying to stand for you. Help to make sure you and all those who are like you have a chance to have an equal shot at the dream. Think about you making a minor traffic infraction. You run the stop sign, and instead of law enforcement treating you humanly and respectfully, they treat you as hostile, as a threat. You’re always assumed to be guilty of something more salacious than just a minor driving offense. You’re always a target when you go into the store. You are passed over for the opportunities for advancement at work just because you don’t fit their culture or look.

Imagine that you’re just trying to get some food and enjoy the company of a friend. And because you fit the typical mold of a criminal your harassed, stopped and detained for questioning because of someone assuming from a distance you’re a criminal. No apology given once its proven you aren’t the suspect. No apology for the discrimination, for the embarrassment or shame. No solace in feeling safe or protected. The reality is that you are even in fear more of law enforcement after that because now you know that you will always be guilty until proven innocent. All of these instances provided to you are real. They are the plight of the Black community in relation to White America and law enforcement in this country. White people do you understand now?

Everything that you take for granted, we don’t have that luxury. We are always enemies and targets no matter how educated or professional we are. No matter what status we think we hold in any industry, facts are proven over and over that in the eyes of this nation, we are still subservient to you. We are still brutes who are intimidating and threats to you because we’re different. Yet the one thing that flows through us all that makes us even and equal is that red blood underneath your skin. It’s also that heart that beats in your chest. If you truly read this and put yourself in all those scenarios and situations, then you should be standing beside and with us. Joining in the call for real freedom and fairness from this oppressive system. It won’t hurt you, but it damn sure will help us.

Talk to me America

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Covid 19 control…?

Let me really give my full opinion about this pandemic and why it had been under control for the last month, until the country rushed to open. The reason that this pandemic had not spread faster once states began to reopen was because the business community at large, and some governors decided to be smart about their return to the world, as I call it. Even though most states have been able to open for weeks in some places and just opening again in others, a lot of businesses that serve mass amounts of people have remained closed, or opened slowly. They have put in place pretty stringent social distancing orders and have made sure to keep their businesses clean. It has absolutely nothing to do with that dumbass that sits in Washington D.C.

Credit needs to be given to the businesses for being responsible and not bowing to the pressure from the orange walrus sitting in the White House. I appreciate those businesses who decided that they care more about protecting people and their employees rather than just how quickly they can make money again. We are seeing this definitely in Atlanta. We were one of the first states to open and for the most part out numbers from Covid were reducing and being steady around 590 cases a day. Still too many, but manageable to most. Yet the past three weeks, the numbers are climbing and it’s not even close. I see that many states now are feeling the effects of possibly opening too soon and not being serious about social distancing and some impact from the protests and the people getting tested more now that it’s available free in a lot of places.

If any of you have noticed that Trump and his administration are no longer talking about the pandemic either. They are happy to try and focus on any of the other crisis that are gripping the country, primarily because he and his people have no fucking clue how to manage this. Also, because you know he at one point called it a hoax and said that we would have it under control very soon. Yet here we are still crippled by this pandemic. I think it’s pretty safe to say that leadership on this issue rests squarely in the hands of the state officials and medical personnel. I guess this is a time where we can be lucky that he doesn’t have the lead on this issue. November is coming and I need people to understand the Fed gov, Donald Trump, doesn’t know how to lead in times of emergency.

Disagree?? Talk to me

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Love Is…

Back again with the next installment in this series. I previously gave you three different things that love is. It is beautiful, complicated and disappointing. Today, I choose to say that love is challenging. A close synonym to complicated but not exactly. Lets explore why I said that love is a challenge. I think that love is challenging because it requires you to take each day separately from the day before. You know people are creatures of habit. We like to get in our own routines with things and so when you’re dealing with love, there isn’t a pattern or routine that you can get comfortable with because the person that you love may not allow for that to happen. Meaning, their mood, demeanor, characteristics they show from day to day may cause you to be off balance until you learn better why they behave they way they do.

That whole statement I just made could be enough to close this damn blog and have people think about what I said and comment. But I will break it down a little further. You know when you profess your love for someone, or you find yourself saying that you are in-love with someone, you are accepting that your love will be tested regularly. You are saying that everything you know about that person allowed you to let them into your heart. Your accepting that tomorrow you could very well sit and think what the fuck was I thinking. LOL, I know it doesn’t make sense to some, but if you are a person who deals with someone who has temperament changes, you know where I’m coming from. It can be very uncomfortable when you are dealing with someone who makes you smile, makes you feel good, and at the same time can frustrate the hell out of you.

There are normally so many other factors that go into that of course. Do the two of you live together? How long have you guys known each other? What is each of your backgrounds? Are you both open, talkative people or is one more introverted and one more extroverted? Are you both experienced in the dating world, if your gay, in the gay world? Is there a significant age gap, that creates different mental aptitudes? Do you have the same basic common interests? Do you have a similar thought process about sex? Is there stability on both parts? Just that quickly, I popped nine different questions that play into the dynamic of love and being in-love. That is one is biggest reasons I say that love is challenging. Navigating all these different obstacles daily, or weekly or monthly in order to know that your love is as deep and real as you claim it to be. Understanding what it means to have challenges in your relationship means that you will be able to have strong bases if you are able to honestly and truthfully address these obstacles. I want y’all to think about that and to also be honest with yourself. Have you felt that way about your wife or husband? Your boyfriend or girlfriend?

If you haven’t that’s great, maybe that means you have the perfect one or you answered all your questions and things are routine for you. If not, then it means you are normal and you have the same set of circumstances as many other people: the love you feel is challenged by the things you continue to learn about your partner. Take some time and think about this topic. Let me know how you feel and what you feel. Open dialog lets discuss.

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Love is….

Probably one of the most difficult blanks to fill in because this topic is so varied and can be very broad or as specific as one wishes to make it. For this post I think I will attack it from three different angles. One, love is beautiful. Two, love is complicated. Three, love is disappointing. While there are definitely more words and sentences you could use for this example, I am choosing to use these three as I think they are probably the most common and the most open to discuss. Maybe after reading this you will have some thoughts of your own. So lets dive in.

One.. Love is beautiful. Make no mistake about it, there is nothing greater, in my opinion, than being in-love with someone who is in-love with you. It is one of the most beautiful things that you can have. Someone whose heart is beating just as strongly for you as yours is for them. Someone who thinks of you like you think of them. Someone who looks at you with the softness and passion that you look at them. It defies a lot of the negatives that can exist in the world and it can make even the most challenging of days seem tolerable. The beauty of love can make anything solvable because you know that someone is giving you what you desire. Companionship, love, intimacy and all the things in-between. Love like that is intoxicating, it can make you feel like you’re high without ever touching a blunt to your lips or a glass to your mouth. It makes you have butterflies sometimes when you see that special someone and it can make you feel real good about yourself. This kind of love is transcending, it allows for you to get past most any challenge set in front of you. It can take you to a place where nothing matters to you but you and the bond that you have built with that individual. Tell me if you have ever experienced a love like this.

Second, love is complicated. When you have the beautiful parts of love, sometimes you also have the challenges and the stresses of love. It can be and usually is a process to love someone. It’s not something that typically comes right away and even if you are in-love with someone, it’s likely that you’ve had some patches along the way to test and strengthen that love. It also has helped to build and grow you together with that someone. Sometimes it takes the challenges and the not so fun things for the love to truly grow and expand. Usually what’s happening is both people are staking their ground, drawing their boundaries, expressing their displeasures, as a means to grow together and figure out what are the triggers and displeasures of one another. It doesn’t mean that it’s anything bad happening, but it means that there is work to be done. And with all things, a relationship shouldn’t feel like a job or work, but for it to be the best that it can, it takes effort from both people to be as successful as possible. Learning to understand the difference between work and effort is key in having a relationship with that beautiful love. Also, sometimes a person may get weird or act out of character, it’s important to understand the root of that or at least have a full understanding of what to expect from someone in that situation.

The more in-depth and complex an issue is, the more complicated it can make the love that you share with someone. Because these complex situations require delicate and decisive actions in order to resolve them and grow from them. The worst thing that you can do when confronted with a situation like this is be timid or unsure. You also need to exercise a degree of patience. That is one thing that complicates love. Patience is something most people don’t have or are very reluctant to give because it requires them to give your time and yourself to the process of growing in love with someone. And time is one thing that we can never rebuild, grow or get back again. Once the clock changes from minute to minute, hour to hour it is lost forever, never to be repeated. It is for that reason that I believe many people are now hesitant to invest the time and energy necessary for a successful and beautiful love, because they fear their time being wasted and their energy being used for nothing. If you agree or disagree with this particular premise let me know.

Third, love is disappointing. Perhaps the most controversial and opinionated part of the this post. Love can be definitely one of the most disappointing things that happens in your life. It can break your heart. It can destroy your life, leave you fucked up, to pick up your own pieces, figure out what went wrong and try to figure out how to put yourself back together again without being too cold or bitter or black hearted about the situation. When you experience one or multiple of these disappointments, they tend to mark you. Leaving you trapped mentally in time to when the scar happened. Forcing you at some point to deal with the pain and damage. Otherwise, you will subject yourself to endless repetition with different people, until you address the situation that caused you to get stuck on pause. When you love someone with all of you and get your heart broken it can and usually will, change you forever. You aren’t the same because a piece of you is lost with that heartache, but it also gives you an opportunity to learn, rebuild yourself and become a better version of you. it can also create the space for a lot of bitterness or hardness towards people.

Love is also disappointing because you may not get the same amount of love back that you put out. Nothing is more hurtful that you showing and giving all your love to someone you think loves you, only for them to return your love half hearted or some percentage less than the 100 that you’re giving. That usually indicates to some that you aren’t being fairly treated in that relationship and you may need to get out for your own good, which is painful in that regard as well. Or maybe you’re loving someone one way and they don’t share that same love for you. It too can have an effect on you. No one will know how that will play out until or unless you come across that situation. While there are so many more situations that fit into this category, I think for now this is where I will leave you. Give me your feedback and I will pick this series back up down the line.