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Partnership in Relationship

There are times that I sit and just think about what it takes to achieve greatness within a relationship. It’s the things that must be done, in my mind, in order to ensure that a relationship is healthy and both parties feel complete. It is in my opinion that there are elements in relationships that need to be met in order for there to be peace. One, there needs to be a sense of partnership that exists. Now when I say partnership I mean exactly that. It is the sense of equalness and shared responsibility. If the two of you are living together then there should always be a sense of equality with regards to household responsibilities.

I think that one of the more underrated and often forgotten aspects of relationships, is the actual partnership involved. I think relationships that are strong and healthy have a strong sense of partnership. Each individual knows what’s needed and contributes their parts to ensure that they’re both coming up together. That with financial and mental stresses of a relationship are shared equally. Or, shared to the degree that each person has what they need to feel that they are in a true partnership within the relationship. There is an inevitable sense of pressure that gets felt when someone feels that they’re taking on all of the responsibility or when one person doesn’t feel the need to be as committed to handling their share.

I feel that one thing that shouldn’t be overlooked is someone who doesn’t appear to have the drive and push to level up accordingly. It it irrespective of age. I don’t and won’t accept that someone needs to reach a certain age in order to understand that concept. I think it is more of a mentality that has be at the forefront of the mind. And it doesn’t just stop at the financial aspect. The emotional and physical part of the relationship is just as critical. A partnership means that one should feel all the love coming back that they give putting out. But it also means having the patience to allow your partner to grow into what they need to.

In a partnership, sometimes it requires someone to guide the other to help them grow and develop further. A person sometimes has to understand that we all need assistance with being a full partner. With saying all that I did at the top of this blog, it’s important to understand the full dynamics. When you have a partnership you also have to realize that there is likely to be an imbalance. Relationships aren’t like businesses. You can’t honestly expect to have a real 50/50 split. The truth is that in any relationship the different elements will have a different split in the partnership aspects. Maybe on the partnership level its 70/30, the companionship level it’s 40/60, the intimacy level it’s 65/35. All of these different pieces to the puzzle make up the whole. If you don’t have levels that are reassuring and comforting to you then you have to figure out what to do.

Before you decide what to do or what needs to be done, you need to ask yourself at what level are you both at from a partnership standpoint. Are you more prepared than the your lover. Are they more polished in other aspects of the partnership than you are. What ever the case may be, you need to understand that it all works together. Part of the partnership part is the communication aspect as well. That to me is the one part where it needs to be just as close to 50/50 as it can get. When that part of your partnership is off too far, then that will be a potential downfall. See, the shit just isn’t as black and white as you think. So examine things for yourself, think about what you see and feel and make your own decisions about how best to move forward.

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Are They Your Forever?

One of the questions I have thought about over time is whether or not people are really legit when they say that they want someone to be their forever. In other words, they want to find that person that will be their last. Their last relationship, their last time having to date and learn someone on that level. The last time they have to lay with someone in bed. The last person that they will ever have sex with again. The last person to share those lifelong and life lasting moments with. I’m not sure that people really have an appreciate for the magnitude and weight that saying that statement carries.

I feel as though in this world there is a gross underappreciation for telling someone you want to be with them forever. That is to me the most life defining moment in terms of love and happiness. There is no more clear and definitive way to express love for someone than to say you want to be with them until you die. For some, they want that to continue to the afterlife as well. I wonder just how many people are truly ready for that which they speak out loud. I think it’s worthy of digging a little deeper to understand why people use that phrase as a ploy and manipulation, rather than actually wanting to hold to its meaning.

You know if you want to be honest, if you say that you are in love with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you also want them to be your forever. As we know in life, love seems to be far more fleeting in this decade than it was previously. People are far more comfortable uttering that word out of their mouth to someone, even if they really aren’t prepared to act upon the seriousness of that word. It means something deeper and more powerful when you can look someone in their eyes and that I want you to be my forever. I want you to be the one that gets my everlasting love. That you can look at that person and say that my love is truly unconditional and never ending. That you want to make every decision of the rest of your life with and for that individual, along with yourself.

It is very uncharacteristic for people to say that these days. Normally, the average person will tell you they love you. Or they will say that they’re in love with you. Words that while definitely not taken lightly, again don’t have the same infinite and life changing as being called someone’s forever. I just wonder how many people have really had that person come in their lives and they realize it and accept it with the openness that is required. Do you even want to have that type of bond and relationship with someone, that you can say that they are your forever. That you will never desire another man or woman for the rest of you life. That you are happy, content, satisfied and comfortable with walking into eternal life with that person.

Honestly, I’ve thought about this a few times and while it has been a thought in my mind maybe once or twice regarding individuals, I never took it as a serious measure until now. Now, I think that for the first time I can truly say that my forever man is here and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Listening to him express that love for me and that definitiveness that he has taken his place as the one in my life for the rest of my life never made me more proud and ecstatic. I can honestly say that this is the first time that someone has said those words to me. That someone unprompted and unafraid expressed their endless and deeply personal and passionate love for me. It gave me a new understanding for what it means to truly be in love with someone and have someone be in love with me.

This man has everything I need and want in a spouse. He has given me every reassurance of his love and dedication to me. His soul seems to be connected to mines, his heart is interwoven with mines and our lives are forever linked as one. When that day comes that the official markings of this union are given, it will be something that I’ve never experienced before and something I will never experience again. This man is my forever and I am his. I challenge you to take time and think about if you want a forever partner or if you already have one. Share a story if you dare. Keep the conversation going.

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Loving Your Truth

Here we are deep into the year 2020 and we still have a very big issue within society, but more specifically, the black gay community at large, people aren’t willing to be their authentic selves and live in their truth. Listen, I understand all the different forces that are present that can make it problematic for some to do that. From family to financial to religious and on down the line, but in reality it’s all smoke and mirrors. The thing that matters the most is are you at peace and comfortable with yourself. Are you loving your truth and living in it? If you aren’t may I suggest that you find the will and courage and strength to do so, before you end up lonely or worse off dead.

There have been scores of black transgender women being slain across America. It’s sad and heartbreaking. It is tragic and in large parts avoidable. I understand that there is a section of people who don’t accept, understand or respect the transgender community, but also there are numerous transgender folks who are being honest with the tea and it costing them their lives. Let me say this for the record, I don’t give a damn how unclockable or passable you are. Just because you have the face and body to pass as a woman, if you still swinging dick between you thighs, then you need to let whatever nigga you about lay wit know that you are a man underneath it all. That is the only fair and respectable way to approach this situation.

It doesn’t matter if you think or know that the man won’t be interested in you any longer because you share the same parts that he got. The thing is, are you more worried about snatching that straight dude or are you worried about keeping your life? If you get the man but he gets your life, was it worth it in the end? There is never going to be any understanding for me on that front. I don’t like seeing my transgender brothers and sisters killed senselessly and so violently, primarily because they refuse to be upfront and tell them who they are underneath the clothes. Love is hard to come by I know. The dick you want may not be what you get by being you, I get that. But again, what do you value more? A dick that might be community or your life that only exists for you?

This love of truth is not only restricted to that either. You should embrace all the facets of you and who you are no matter be they popular or unpopular. Whether they attract or repel the crowd. Don’t be out here faking, broadcasting yourself as one type of individual, when you know that you’re something else. That too, is disingenuous and misleading. It can cause someone to like you or fall for you that really isn’t you. It allows you to draw someone in to you only for you to switch it up and give them something that they didn’t sign up for or agree to. People in this day and age have to accept that being you is far more attractive than lying about who you are only to get what you want.

If you struggle with something admit that up front. When you talk of your likes and dislikes, be honest and forward. The truth is bound to come out, the actions are bound to show the real and you can’t get upset at someone for choosing to go another direction because who they thought they were going to be with, was not who ultimately they got. I am unapologetic in the directness with which I give my character to the world. I have learned and accepted that all of me is just what it is. The good and the not so good. The flaws and all the things that come with me are just as accepting as all the things you like. I make no bones about my struggles, I don’t hide from the dark creases that part of me reside in either. I make it known that for me I like sex in my relationship early and regularly. I don’t hide the fact that I love affection and conversation. I make it clear that I’m eccentric and have a big personality too.

Conversely, it’s known that I’m bipolar and struggle with depression and anxiety. I am open about my trust issues and the hardened exterior I’ve created to protect myself. I am straightforward when I say that I don’t cut corners when speaking. I say that which I think and comes to my mind. I don’t bend the arch in favor of anyone or anything but fairness. I am not the smartest in the room, but I got plenty of intellect and my street savoy is sharp. I don’t pretend to tell you I like everything because I don’t and I will never tell you that I’m liked by or meant for anyone because I’m not. I know that I have baggage but I don’t give it to the next. I always internalize and handle with care as not to drench my partner with the stains of my past. Just know that I’m attune to it all and I pay attention to everything. I don’t speak on it all at one time, but the mind captures it all like a vault. Waiting until the appropriate time to release it’s findings and discuss.

See when you live in and love your truth you can do these things. You can be unapologetically you. You can pay attention to the people and things in your surrounding and not feel as though your hypocritical because that most of means that you have paid attention to yourself first. You are able to know what is causing you unrest and tension and you are able to seek it out and resolve that conflict to the best of your ability. Love yourself and love your truth. It may mean spending time alone with yourself resolving issues of past hurts and pains. It may mean accepting that life dealt you somethings that you have to overcome. But it will always mean that whomever you have encounters with will all have to say one. That you are real and authentic in yourself. They may not like you, and that’s ok, but they will respect you because it’s authentically you.

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In Love with the Phone

Ahhhhh, a subject that many have talked and written about and still is a destructive force today. The role that social media, phones and apps play in daily relationships, not to mention, actual relationships is probably getting worse by the day. I’ve noticed that a number of my friends who have gotten in to substantive relationships have minimized their time on social media. I don’t see the posts nearly as frequently as when they were single or when they were in the infancy stages of their relationships. It doesn’t take a scientist for me to figure out why that really is. And in reality I don’t think anybody really can’t figure it out.. Social Media and overuse of it and the phone you use, can destroy your relationship.

I don’t think I really understand the need for anyone to have their phone in their hand all day every day. it defies the logic to me of having a successful relationship, if you and your partner reside in the same state and definitely within the same household. I think people tend to forget just how important interacting with your partner is to the effectiveness of your relationship. One thing that always confuses me is how people will talk about the type of individual they are or how they don’t like this that or the other, but you will see them doing the exact thing or things they say they don’t like. Or the argument that goes, as long as their physically with their partner, whatever they’re doing doesn’t matter. That to is a like a person saying, I’m not a cheater, but I like to flirt with other people.

Temptation is a bitch and a lack of attention to the needs of your significant other, is the other bitch that bites back. I often wonder how many people find this to be problematic in their relationships. And secondly, what is it that they do to combat that so that it doesn’t really become a divisive issue. I think we all can have a bit of social media obsession. We can all keep the phone glued to our hands a little too much. But, when does it become a conscious thing of no matter what I’m going to prioritize my phone over everything. How many times can you look at the same things over and over again. How many times can you watch the same kinds of videos over and over. When does enough intake become enough? I’ve never really had the issue of overkill with my phone, because there reaches points in the day where I just really don’t care for it. Where I would rather be engaging with my boyfriend in any way rather than being on the phone.

We live in a time now where everything is available on the phone. So from that stand point I truly understand. You can watch tv, listen to music, communicate, learn, read and research any and everything with just the clicks of your fingers and it’s there for your consumption. So again, to a degree I understand and support the need to use technology for many things. But one thing I also know, is that if you put more time in the phone and on the folks who are within that world on phone, than you do with the person that shares your space.. you could be alone with you and that phone. Maybe for some that’s what they want and maybe for others they just don’t care. Some may see it as why is an issue if you’re “together”. But ask yourself this question, what kind of quality is obtained by just being together, if there ain’t no interaction between you?

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One Sided Love Affair

I think that with more than 15 years experience in relationships I have a pretty sloid understanding of how love works when its good and when its not so good. I also am very aware of when the actions of love are more one sided and they don’t show the necessary improvement of becoming mutually beneficial. I think that often times relationships start and the demonstrations of love are usually more one sided than one thinks. There is almost always one individual who is receiving more of the physical love than the other, and for that matter the verbal love as well. But most times is the action love that’s missing that causes more discomfort than the words.

When someone is so easily able to verbalize their love for you, it’s reasonable to expect that the action part of displaying it would be just as easy to show. Maybe for some it’s not and that is where you have to do your best to understand the person and the why behind the reason it’s so hard for it to be shown and figure out how you can help that person or guide them towards being more lovingly affectionate towards you so that you feel the love that you wish to feel. If this is something that can’t or won’t be done, then you have to ask yourself is this a situation that you belong in? Love develops differently for each person. One person might jump for you quicker than you jump for them and you have to be sensitive to that and accept that it may take more time for things to come, but you can’t allow yourself to be blind and miss the moment of where maybe it’s not what you it was portrayed out to be.

One thing I’ve learned over the years of being with guys is that love is something that dudes have a hard time showing and allowing to be shown if they’ve been hurt significantly in the past. It scars them and makes them less likely to want to give all of them to the next guy. That is a reasonable response, but it’s also one that should send alarm signals to the one who’s trying to get the love from them. That could be a sign that the person isn’t mentally prepared and emotionally prepared to handle the task of being in love with someone or loving them completely. It takes someone to really be ready for love. Yes, there are cases where someone has been through something devastating and the love of another helps them to complete their process and journey through recovery. But, honestly, it’s usually because that person has decided that they’re ready, be it on their own or being forced, to give up the walls and fear for someone that they don’t want to lose on account of themselves.

Establish that dynamic from an early outset. Meaning, don’t allow yourself to accept someone passively dismissing your concerns when you see them and voice them. You don’t have to be overly aggressive or too forward. A good dose of humility combined with a honest desire for love and appreciate will go a long way towards making the situation resolve itself without fireworks, name calling or animosity. If that doesn’t work and you have any of those aforementioned events occur, that could your biggest indication that it’s time to consider walking away or putting things on pause to figure out if the time is right and the environment is fertile for this relationship to be happening.

Knowing when to pull back and relax when someone is pulling away from you is just as important as pushing forward trying to reassure them of your pure and true love for them. It’s not always the wise thing to advance, sometimes retreating and gathering your thoughts is just as beneficial to the situation. Either way, one thing that can’t be lost, if you don’t communicate and have understanding for the dynamics, you will fail and the one sided love will be a no sided love. Take note

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Love That Don’t Feel Right

Sometimes I sit and wonder why did I go through some of the things that I did. I often challenge the notion that true love or happiness will find me someday. I think it is in part due to the traumatic past pain and the destructive wake that was left behind. I think it’s also due to the fact that I’m never the guy that gets appreciated in the moment. I’m not the guy who is loved in the midst or the guy that people take time to enjoy the view when we’re together. I seem to be the guy that shows what giving oneself means, only to have it be taken for granted or underappreciated. Then after time and failed relationships, people come back and reveal just how good I was, or just how much I was truly different.

These revelations, while fine on the surface, really tear away at me. It does so because I do want to be appreciated while engaged in the relationship. I want to be wanted and partner validated by the guy who has my affection. It’s not that I struggle to get people to want to be with me, but they don’t seem to have that desire for me that is shown for them. Better yet, they talk the game but the actions fail miserably. When you experience this enough, it makes you question whether or not you are doing something wrong. Maybe your energy isn’t right. Maybe your giving off a lack of confidence in self or somehow you just aren’t attracting that which you thought you were. It makes you feel a little insecure to feel the emptiness that should be filled by the one that you love.

I admit that I’ve been split and torn a lot lately. Some days I think that I’m in the most satisfying, happy and loving relationship. Then, some days I feel as though I’m really just here as a placeholder. Like I’m the stop gap to whatever is actually about to come next. It feels like I’m really just being used for knowledge and time, not really getting the full energy that I should be receiving. Not getting the full love that should be felt. Far too often I hear words spoken and at first they rang with this breath of freshness and believability, now they are starting to ring hollow and muted. Almost as if said on program and repeated lifelessly as a means to pacify my concerns or deflect from the obvious stress or lack of excitement for this relationship.

It just feels so wrong. It doesn’t feel like it’s a utopian love that is embracing the challenges and the journey head on. It feels like this love is being weighed down, battered already by outside forces that truly have nothing to do with the happiness or success of this relationship, but maybe a little unexpected blowback or unpreparedness for responses has caused things to become more tense or unsettled than imagined. Maybe the hardened exterior and polished tough words aren’t really the story at all. Maybe the reality is that inside the soul and the mind and spirit aren’t all connected on one accord. Maybe this journey is too much and the effects are starting to show. Love shouldn’t feel or be this way.

Love shouldn’t feel forced or weak, not at this stage and to me at any point. If it’s real love it might take a beating, it might become strained, it might wain a little, but that’s when the reserves kick in. That’s when the mind and most importantly, the heart, churns and reminds you of why you chose this person and this journey in the first place. I tend to think that there are many little battles fought within a relationship, amongst both the couple as a whole and the individuals themselves. It is how these battles are fought and decided that determine what direction the relationship goes and its ultimate succession or failure. I think that ignoring the physical aspect of any meaningful relationship is dangerous and is a source of weakness.

I don’t think that you have to be sexually intimate every day or all the time, but I do believe that a healthy and satisfying sex life within a relationship, coupled with a healthy joint spirit and a combined hearty love for one another builds the foundations solid and strong, so that when the inevitable challenges and obstacles arise, you have enough in the tank to withstand them, defeat and overcome them and then take the time to refill the tank. To me, when any of those elements are missing or aren’t firing on all cylinders, you are already at a disadvantage and usually likely to experience a harder time recovering, if you recover because the base isn’t firm. The foundation has cracks and the obstacles only damage that unsettled ground further.

When the love feels wrong, you have to ask yourself why. You have to be willing to look yourself in the face and ask the tough question of is it you and if so what can you do. But, you also have to have the metal strength to realize it may be your partner and you have to approach them with respect and due caution, but you must be just as blunt and direct with them as you would be with yourself. Otherwise you have no true bond or friendship, let alone a healthy relationship. Once those answers are given, you must then seek the solutions that will allow for this to resolved in a manner that both of you want the situation to go. Be it fixing the issues or dissolving the relationship. Either way, one thing you should never do is allow it to fester or boil over. When love doesn’t feel right, you better make it right or walk away.

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Are you Spiritual or Religious?

This conversation to me is one that is very intricate and detailed but one that to me should be more necessary than some like to think. When I think of these two words they can be very synonymous with each other but there are distinct differences to me that makes one more preferable to me over the other. Lets start the with big R word that makes for more divisiveness that togetherness.

Religious people in large part are more judgmental and tend to look at things through the lens of their beliefs of religion. They are more apt to try to drive a wedge through the community with their antiquated beliefs rather than really be a driving force of togetherness as taught in the bible. More specifically, within the Black community religion has always seemed to be a very tense subject to discuss. Primarily due to the fact that that hiding behind religion has torn apart families that have children or relatives that are part of the LGBTQ+ community. It has always been a source of disagreement amongst my peer group just how destructive religion in the Black community has been.

Also, that same religious rigidity seems to lead to black men not be allowed to accept or embrace all of themselves. They are taught too often to be firm and absent of emotions. Not to allow themselves to cry or be seen as “soft” because of what the Bible say. You know how religious people love to use that quote. But, the truth is the Bible doesn’t mention anything about a man not being allowed to be in touch with the softer side of himself. It doesn’t say that a has to be either warrior or mascusensitive. It is not distinguished in any part of the text, yet somehow, because of ancestry and a need for strength during slavery times, Black men have been robbed of their sensitivities, and in some ways, their humanity.

Let me focus for a minute on why I prefer the Spiritual self over the Religious self. The spirit self, to me, is of God and Jesus. The spirit is not judgmental nor does it hinder on acceptance of a theology. It allows for you to be in touch with the higher power in God and believe in Christ, while not being critical or belittling to someone who shares a different belief. Maybe their Muslim or Atheist or Hindu or Buddhist and they chose to worship a different deity but still have the fundamental in a spiritual foundation of God and love of man based upon these foundings. It does amaze me that so many run to the bible and disparage other religious texts, but if you look at the basic pillars and tenants of other faiths of spiritual belief, they have similar principles. A belief in love of self, love of fellow man, togetherness, family, building a strong community, kids being the future and a general sense of equality amongst all people regardless of status or class.

The spirit is something that you cannot quantify or judge. Because to truly be in the spirit is to be one with God and if that is the ultimate goal that one seeks, to be one with the Holy Spirit and to act in a way that would be Godly and acceptable unto the Lord, then one should tap into that love of the Spirit not the love of a text or religion that puts an emphasis on following someone’s interpretation of the text and not having a solid understanding for yourself, in order to fully be present during the service and to challenge the leader of the church it is so needed. The basic premise of blindly trusting man to lead you is something that is not preached in the text either. It is said that you need to trust Jesus and God as your leaders and that the preacher is an extension, sent to help you find that understanding, but he or she is still man and is subject to being tempted by wrongdoing or misgivings when they taste the power and influence given to a leader.

I wonder just how much Religious people truly justify their wandering belief system. See I don’t understand how you can be quick to say that God knows all and sees all and doesn’t make any mistakes. But, the minute that your child or close relative says their gay, you run and hollar God doesn’t like that, you aren’t being in touch with God, or somehow you are sinning because you are loving the same gender. That flies in the face of your initial statement. If you know that God see and knows all. If you know that God created all, then surely you know that God knew that there were Gay people in this world because God created them. Knew that they would be this way and allowed them to live and be free and flourish because we are all God’s people created in God’s image. See that’s where a Spiritual person sits in the seat of preference. A spirit filled person doesn’t look at homosexuality as a sin, it’s seen as what it is, a part of the diaspora of the world. There is not judgment for accepting your sexuality or your gender preference, rather it takes the belief that you are free to be who you are, as long as, you hold the basic tenants of life.

This post may not resonate with many and it may be controversial to some, but it’s something that is necessary to discuss. We have to get to a place where we aren’t judging people because they choose to live in their truth. That they accept God and also accept that they love the same sex or they like to drink or they like to wear mix blended clothing. That they had children prior to being married or they eat shell fish. You see all these things in the text are said to be sins, but we don’t ever focus on those do we? It’s just the most disturbing things to us that we see as not acceptable that we want to run to the bible and start throwing scripture as a weapon. What side of the ledger do you reside? Are you a Spiritual person or are you a Religious person?

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Just Say Yes

Eventually most of us want that special day. The day that we ask that special person to marry us. The time we get to then plan the perfect day and the perfect celebration of that love. Time comes when you want to have that one that just makes you want to forget all the others and say yes just me and you. The question I have is why is it so nerve-wrecking to ask someone to marry you? Why does it seem to need to take days and months of the sense running through your head over and over before you muster up the guts to get the ring, or whatever symbol you choose, and get on your knee and pop that question? The second question I have is, why the hell does it take the other person so damn long to just say yes? LOL

I mean listen I know that this is a special moment and everybody wants to soak in the vibes and love and atmosphere. I get it that for most, it’s a true surprise and they really aren’t prepared to be put on the spot. Whether it be in front of no one, or in front of strangers or in front of family or friends. So maybe, it really is just a big ass mental block that comes into their mind once they see the situation unfolding before their eyes. But goodness some people drag that thing out like it’s a damn sitcom and they tryna get ratings out the deal. LOL

Now, to be fair I have been on the giving end of these proposals, so I’ve only had to do the hard work of buying the right ring, finding the right moment, making sure to keep it a secret until it’s time and most of all, getting on a knee and asking someone to be my spouse, in front of people. Suffice to say I guess I should shut the hell up because in each past instance, it took me months to really get the nerve and confidence to ask the question with the almost assured assurance that the answer would be yes, but in my defense, that’s the hardest part and requires the most planning so it should take time. Once that shit is done, don’t drag it out for another endless of amount of time, trying to cry, but not too hard, being legit surprised but not to the point of losing all sense of control. LOL

Can we just really have the beautiful moment. Take a little bit to soak in the specialness and uniqueness of the situation. Allow your emotions and feelings to overpower you and let the tears of happiness and joy flow. But then after all that happens within say.. 15 seconds, please say yes. Nod your head if you can’t talk or stick out your hand if you can’t move your head. But please just affirm your acceptance of the proposal so the person can get off their knee, the situation can switch from being awkward to celebratory and the planning for the next biggest day of life can begin.

I know this is meant to be funny and make a little light of a very serious situation. But in all fairness, there is nothing like being able to look someone you love in the face and ask them to take the ultimate step with you and take the step towards getting married. It’s a beautiful thing and something that should be cherished. A little secret, I have a plan to do just that later this year. I have a date in mind and a place. I have the ring I want to get and the setting already planed out. I just need Corona to cooperate or else the place will have to shift, but the plan will still move full steam ahead. Next year I plan to write a blog detailing all the details of the proposal and the plans for, if not the wedding itself. Stay tuned.

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Female President Anyone???

If you’re reading this, then you know the general premise of where I’m going. If you’re smart then most likely you have already thought about this to yourself and maybe discussed it within your peer group and you’re hoping that it doesn’t hit daylight on the national news media stage. Could the Democrats be quietly staging a beautiful coup to allow for this nations first woman president within the next two to three years? Ahhh, there it is, I said it. I finally got it out and while, I’m nervous as hell that one of these political pundits are going to say it out loud too, I’m glad that it’s not just stuck in my brain anymore.

Lets face facts here, this man is 77 years old as he makes this current run for the White House. That means by time he’s sworn in to office, assuming he wins, he will be 78 years old as his birthday isn’t until November 20th. Think about that people. Having the most commanding, demanding and stressful job in the world at 78 years old! Now, it’s not to say that he isn’t up to the task, as I fully believe he is or else he wouldn’t be running. But as time has passed, I have began to have this sneaky suspicion that there is a back door plan being worked on and the world will be front and center for when it comes to pass.

If you look at what the dynamics currently are, Biden promised back during the debate season that he was going to select a woman as his running mate no matter what if he became the nominee. Well, fast forward a few months, a civil awakening, a health and financial crisis and here we stand about a month away from this historic announcement. This will mark just the second time in American history that a major political party will have a woman in the number two slot on the ticket. Credit to the late John McCain for selecting Sarah Palin, former Alaska Governor, as his VP pick in 2008. Though, that was probably the dumbest and most incoherent selection he could of made. Sorry, but she was a damn nut case. But in this selection this time, you will see the absolute best that America has to offer.

You have potential candidates Senator Kamala Harris, Senator Tammy Duckworth, Senator Elizabeth Warren, Congresswoman Val Demings and Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms. One thing you notice is great diversity amongst this group. Black women, a war veteran, a former police officer, a former district attorney and a former professor and financial hawk. I mean talk about a powerhouse of a pool of candidates. Lets not forget the dark horse Stacey Abrams. The former Atlanta Congresswoman who pushed Governor Brian Kemp to the limits before losing the race for Governor. What we have is an opportunity to really showcase just how dynamic and qualified the women in America are to be one second from being the Commander in Chief.

Now realizing what we have in terms of quality, I want you to now consider this. Again, we would have a President in his first term being inaugurated at 78 years old if he wins. Do you really think that he would make it through the entire first term of his presidency? I certainly believe that he is capable and would definitely do so with all his facilities in order. But, let me pose this alternate theory. Democrats are purposefully setting the stage for America to have to accept it first woman president in American history. And damn it I’ll take it one step further. Should be have the nuts to chose Kamala or Val or Keisha or Stacey, we would be witnessing the first Black Woman President.

I know it sounds a bit far fetched when said out loud, but only if you have no imagination or only if you’re really ignoring the fact that the man is 78 years old and already shows signs of being a little bit challenged with his mental facilities. I’m not saying anything negative about Joe Biden or doubting his fitness to lead this nation, I am saying Democrats could be deploying a very cunning, shroud and highly effective plan of stocking the cupboard with talent ready to step in and be the future of the party while also selecting an old guard as cover to get her into the post.

Maybe this will not happen and we will have to wait until 2024, when Biden most likely will not seek re-election, and we have a regular Presidential contest between a new Republican and mostly likely the current Vice President, if Biden wins. Then the nation will really have to decide if it really has it grown up pants/dress on and is ready to accept a Woman as the most powerful person in the free world. Oh what a fun time it is to be a political brat/geek. What do you think? Is it a coup in the cards.

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A Love Letter to my Soulmate

It’s hard to imagine after being hurt, destroyed, betrayed and left for nothing, that the heart can be so resilient and still beat and bleed for love. It’s just as unthinkable that one can go through that fire and still want to deal with the challenges and effort that comes with finding real love again. Sometimes love comes when you aren’t consciously looking for it. It will sneak up on you, grab you by the face and wrap itself around you with a armor that can be impenetrable. I am here to tell you that that feeling is a feeling that can’t be duplicated or simulated. It’s something that really only one person can bring you and once you feel it, you will never want to let it go.

Being in love with someone is like a drug. It can be so addicting and engulfing. It has the power to change you, sometimes for the good and sometimes for bad, it has the power to shape your thoughts and change your beliefs. Real, unconditional love makes you feel like you’re invincible, knowing full well that you will never be so. It takes a very special individual to deliver that type of love to someone that has been burned and heartbroken more than once. It takes someone who is willing to see past the hardened exterior to see the sweet and gentle softness that lies within you. That warmth and special feeling that you get when you’re with that person is something you never want to be without, no matter how much you know that there will be times in a day or week that you can’t have that feeling physically. I’m here to tell you though, if it’s real and strong the feeling never leaves you, even when you’re apart.

Generalization done, lets make this more personal. What you have done since coming into my life has been noting short of beautiful. Despite the fact we’re more than 10 years apart in age, your love is pure and sweet. It has a warmth and authenticity that no one can challenge. It continues to grow stronger by the day, with every passing situation that we conquer. I can only imagine how you feel, falling in-love and gaining the love of your life, while also distancing yourself from familiarity because of it. It’s hard to live in this gay life with love, because someone is always willing and seemingly ready to judge you and your relationship, without any knowledge of just how deep the connection really is.

To say that this was expected would be a lie. I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted you, but I didn’t truly believe it would come true the way that it has. I didn’t think that your love would be so magnetic and strong like it is. You smile and it makes me feel good. You laugh and it makes me happy. You show me just how much being in love with someone can truly make an impact on the every day feelings of life. With you things feel more at peace. I feel like even though there are stresses, they will be overcome with our love and dedication to each other and our goals together. I can see eternity with you. I see the lights diming and your face the last I see before my final breath takes me away from here. I see the day I put that ring on your finger and the joy that it will bring. I see the moment that you put the ring on mines and the smiles never end. I see the day we walk down the aisle and stare into each others soul, professing our love and commitment to each other, our family and God before those we love.

All these things I see coming to pass, not that I say it lightly or without great thought, but as was said a few weeks ago, I can’t see my life without you by my side. Every day, every moment, walking together facing the unknown together. Good days and bad days, great conversations and arguments, love making and couch sleeping. Never walking away or wanting to give up, because the love that fills my heart for you, is a love that I didn’t think that I could muster anymore. I worry if I see you down, I get concerned if I know something has happened with you. I take your pain and grief on as my own, not because you’re not strong enough but because I want to be your shield and your sword. There to protect you when I can and fight with you when necessary. Building a bond so special and deep that no one can break.

It is truly a joy and a privilege to be sharing this journey in love together with you. It gives me peace and happiness to know that the future is so bright and promising. You asked the first time I said I love you to you do I love you forever? I told you yes, forever. I said it that day and every day since it’s been more engrained with each passing day. I love you baby, always and forever. You are my forever, you are my love. This I write to you today, A love letter to my soulmate.