real talk

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Just Say Yes

Eventually most of us want that special day. The day that we ask that special person to marry us. The time we get to then plan the perfect day and the perfect celebration of that love. Time comes when you want to have that one that just makes you want to forget all the others and say yes just me and you. The question I have is why is it so nerve-wrecking to ask someone to marry you? Why does it seem to need to take days and months of the sense running through your head over and over before you muster up the guts to get the ring, or whatever symbol you choose, and get on your knee and pop that question? The second question I have is, why the hell does it take the other person so damn long to just say yes? LOL

I mean listen I know that this is a special moment and everybody wants to soak in the vibes and love and atmosphere. I get it that for most, it’s a true surprise and they really aren’t prepared to be put on the spot. Whether it be in front of no one, or in front of strangers or in front of family or friends. So maybe, it really is just a big ass mental block that comes into their mind once they see the situation unfolding before their eyes. But goodness some people drag that thing out like it’s a damn sitcom and they tryna get ratings out the deal. LOL

Now, to be fair I have been on the giving end of these proposals, so I’ve only had to do the hard work of buying the right ring, finding the right moment, making sure to keep it a secret until it’s time and most of all, getting on a knee and asking someone to be my spouse, in front of people. Suffice to say I guess I should shut the hell up because in each past instance, it took me months to really get the nerve and confidence to ask the question with the almost assured assurance that the answer would be yes, but in my defense, that’s the hardest part and requires the most planning so it should take time. Once that shit is done, don’t drag it out for another endless of amount of time, trying to cry, but not too hard, being legit surprised but not to the point of losing all sense of control. LOL

Can we just really have the beautiful moment. Take a little bit to soak in the specialness and uniqueness of the situation. Allow your emotions and feelings to overpower you and let the tears of happiness and joy flow. But then after all that happens within say.. 15 seconds, please say yes. Nod your head if you can’t talk or stick out your hand if you can’t move your head. But please just affirm your acceptance of the proposal so the person can get off their knee, the situation can switch from being awkward to celebratory and the planning for the next biggest day of life can begin.

I know this is meant to be funny and make a little light of a very serious situation. But in all fairness, there is nothing like being able to look someone you love in the face and ask them to take the ultimate step with you and take the step towards getting married. It’s a beautiful thing and something that should be cherished. A little secret, I have a plan to do just that later this year. I have a date in mind and a place. I have the ring I want to get and the setting already planed out. I just need Corona to cooperate or else the place will have to shift, but the plan will still move full steam ahead. Next year I plan to write a blog detailing all the details of the proposal and the plans for, if not the wedding itself. Stay tuned.

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I Have A Vision

As we continue to embark on this journey of racial equality for my people, I think it is necessary to reset this purpose. There are those out there who are trying to steer the narrative so that they can justify their reluctance or denial of the equality and justice that we’re seeking. I have been listening to people out there say they don’t see the White Privilege or the White Supremacy. They say that Black people aren’t at a disadvantage. They say that we need to be careful because there will be a fatigue factor that will set in. It sounds sad and pathetic that some of these people still just want to just think of themselves.

This post will not focus any further on that, but it will reset the narrative and hopefully provide a positive and galvanizing spotlight on the situation. In the moment that we find ourselves in, we’re in need for people to set the stage for where we are. We are in a moment in time where Black people are pushing for there to be an end to the systemic racism and prejudicial indifference given to us. We are fighting for an end to the legal and policy driven practices that have been discriminatory to the Black community more so than any other. We are looking to get the recognition and acknowledgement of the financial and socioeconomic disadvantage that we’ve been placed and suppressed into.

We as a people just want to be able to have the same fair chances and opportunities as our White and Asian and Latino counterparts. We have a vision that instead of having a future where we’re still scared to be stopped by White law enforcement, we will feel the same comforts of White people when they’re stopped. I have a vision that one day I can look at television and see stories of Black people flourishing, leading a nation reborn. I have a vision that my LGBTQ community will be free to truly be ourselves. That my Transgender women won’t have to fight for jobs and acceptance just like the rest of us. I have a vision that black men will be able to come out to their families and not be chastised or discarded because of narrow minded views. I have a vision that we will be able to welcome a Black woman as President of the United States.

I have a vision that all women will be given their equal respect and responsibility like men. I have a vision that we will be able to look at the next generation and see that they will truly have a future better than the present that we live in. I have a vision that the vitriol and bigotry and discrimination against women will end. I have vision that the movement for equality will no longer be needed. I have a vision that we will become a better nation, a more inclusive and accepting nation. I have a vision that we will accept our differences as opportunities for bonding with those are unlike us. The vision is for an America that truly reflects the beacon of light and hope. The vision is for a society that is open and honest and fair. The vision is for a community that accepts all the facets that encompass it.

We the people have to see that the vision laid forth is one that is needed. We need to have equality, peace, understanding, compassion and empathy. Today we have a chance to move forward the conversation of an America truly living up to the standards in its founding.

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Black Ignorance

I have read a couple of the social media posts of two famous black celebrities and it made me think about why this plight has been so difficult in achieving true equality for our people. Some Black people, once they get a little clout, they forget really just how real the injustice for us is. They isolate themselves to a degree from everyday America and they love to use to refrain ” I don’t care what people got to say” or “I have this with a black person, so there can’t be White Supremacy.” In this case I’m referring to Marcellus Wiley, who hosts a show on Fox Sports One, and Ice Cube. Apparently, these two men have a distorted view of what’s going on in this country at the moment. The reason why is pretty damn apparent; they have a life that doesn’t subject them to the same normalcy that we are and it shows.

Let’s take Marcellus Wiley first. I really get tired of hearing some “I’ve got a little stature” black people talking about how they don’t see White Supremacy because they host one little show with one other black person, who replaced one black person. What kind of fucking sense does that make? I think somebody hit you in the head with a stupid brick because it doesn’t make sense. Secondly, he uses the fact that he was born and living in the world prior to the Black Lives Matter movement being founded, but dumb ass, the movement is just the latest iteration of the Black Civil Rights Movement. It’s the latest organization to attach itself to the cause for the whole. The fact is the movement is a carryover from the decades and hundreds of year fight of black people seeking freedom. Which makes Wiley’s claim that he’s been fighting longer than the movement moot and fucking ignorant.

Additionally, let me take issue with his comments regarding the NBA’s decision to use their platform to keep the movement going in the national mainstream conversation. His statement that it’s going to be divisive to the country to have that displayed sounds like a Conservative line I’ve heard. I guess for Wiley, because he now has his position and money, he doesn’t want anything to upset his apple cart. Well, I’m glad that he isn’t leading this cause. I’m glad that every day folks like myself aren’t taking our cues from him. I guess for many people out there, a little agitation is enough. God forbid we want to truly make substantial change for the community for the race, not just your weak ass pockets. This common narrative seems to be very pervasive through Conservative channels and some in Black America. Because they have reached a level of success, it means that the injustices and inequalities that are obvious and blatant aren’t real. That’s how White America has remained in control.

There is no to be fair for Wiley, because when I read his entire statement, his position is based upon the face that the mission state for BLM says they want to blow up the nuclear family structure and they want to end the patriarchal dynamic that exists. For him, it makes sense right. He is the man of his house and the bread winner, so he calls the shots. I guess if a movement does want to end that thought process and make it more equal mission, that Matriarch or Patriarch is accepted and should be the model. Meaning, either man or woman can be the power and head of their households. Funny, that he doesn’t want to upset that dynamic right. Too many people are concerned with “nation fatigue” with regards to the in your face, unapologetic nature of the movement wanting to force its way to change. I guess in the 60’s when King and Malcolm were pushing for change. When the NAACP and SCLC and other organizations made protesting and lobbying for equal rights an every day issue they were bordering on nation fatigue right? If you got a weak stomach or you’re satisfied with the status quo, that’s fine, you are entitled to have your feelings and positions. But don’t bring you sponge ass on television trying to assert that a nation is going to get tired because people are forcing change, just sit you fuck ass up and let the movement reign.

Now on to Cube. I appreciate all that he’s done and is doing to advance the upward mobility of black people. With his label and basketball league and movie producing. It is something that we can’t take for granted or marginalize. However, he seems to think that he’s on the right side of the issues by aligning with Louis Farrakhan. I’m not sure what planet he walks to think that his mindset is the correct one, but that’s his right to believe it. Just don’t try to correct someone else, because they want to hold the man accountable for his homophobic and anti-Semitic views. Come to see lately, Cube has had his share of Anti-Semitic views as well. His social media has been littered a bit with his anti-Jewish dislike. His portrayals of Jewish people using Black people to their advantage needed context that he was unwilling to provide.

I took some time to research this issue and there is a fundamental issues that needs to be addressed. The Jewish people were part of the Transatlantic Slave Trade and other Slave Trades that caused Africans to wind up here in America. However, the question is did they really play such a large role in the enslavement of African people. Yes they did own slaves, much like British people and Caribbean folks and some African people, along with the French and others. Yet, when we were trying to obtain our freedom in America and Jewish people were here, they didn’t make much of effort to aid in the fight. That is a very valid point that through research has never been explained. They are a group of people that every turn make mention of their enslavement when they were in concentration camps and murdered like they were less than equal.

I think that in our rush to make points about one race versus another, we must be careful to provide the context necessary. We also need to make sure that just because one gets to eat, they don’t marginalize those fighting for all to be able to eat. That’s a problem in our community, we don’t know how to stick together for the good of the race, we just worry too much about the good of the self.

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That is a symbol of Hate

When you hear that phrase what do you think of? You think of things like a noose hanging from a tree or a cross being burned in the yard of a church or in front of someone’s house. You think of seeing the kkk garments that White people wore. See in general you think of things that are unmistakably racist or prejudiced and all things included. But you wouldnt’ necessarily attach that to having the Black Lives Matter signage painted or displayed on your street or on a billboard. Unless, you happen to be this president or some other conservatives who are looking at things beyond what people are specifically saying the cause is for.

I have a question to Conservative White America. Is this really what you all believe? Are you really that single minded and stuck on power and hierarchy that you don’t care about the lives of the people who you work with, live next to, watch play your favorite sports, care for and raise your children, help build your buildings and cars, who will till your land, who will design your office space or home. How can you really sit and tell me that seeing the racial inequality, the judicial inequality, the financial inequality doesn’t bother you? I think if that’s the case then all the bull shit that you blabber about the flag being sacred and this country being the best ever is just that.. bull shit. How can we live in this society with those thoughts?

Yes I know that that’s exactly the world that we have lived in for thousands of years. For hundreds of years, yes we have had this mentality and you wonder why so many over the years have protested against this country. You wonder why so many black people say that there is no fairness or there is no great American promise for all, because we have been and still are the most marginalized people in the country. I have written about this point many times and I will continue to reinforce it, black people are the only ethnic group that was forced to come to this country. We are the only people who came as a mass into slavery. We are the only people who didn’t get educational and financial assistance upon coming to further our people. I guess for some of you, you think that’s fair because your ancestors down the line benefitted from having black servants. You benefited from having slaves build the railroads and houses and bridges that you used and occupied.

The question that I have for some of you white people, is when you go through Black neighborhoods and you double check to make sure your doors are locked or you make sure to speed up just a little so you get through a little faster, why is that done? Are you really scared of us? Because when you pay us to wash your cars, or we take your orders at a fast food establishment, or you pay us to manicure your lawns, or you pay us to be a mechanic and fix your vehicle? Because, a good number of those individuals live in those exact same neighborhoods that you are so seemingly frightened to go through.

It is a sad commentary that as we are embarking on the next phase of the Black Civil Rights Movement, we’re still left to talk about people who see symbolisms of the movement has hatred or less than. How long do you really want a people to be held down and suffocated? Is there ever a time that you believe that the preamble of the constitution should be applied to all of it’s citizens? Is there such a time where you feel that all people should be entitled to the same opportunities as you and family that came before you? Maybe you will never reach that point. Maybe it will be up to your children and the generations after to see that equality should be for all, on all fronts and that will be the only time when you can say that American lived up to her lofty goals.

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Black Inequality

I’m guessing if you looked at the title of this blog you think I’m continuing from my prior message regarding the movement at hand. And in some ways your correct, but not exactly how you think. Right now I’ve heard a lot of commentary on social media about when the appropriate time will be to discuss the fact that the heterosexual Black community doesn’t support the LGBTQ+ community when it comes to equal rights and the injustices that are done towards us in this community. There is a fair question that was posed during the height of the protests following Mr. Floyd’s murder. It was, if this was a Gay, Black man who was killed in cold blood like that, would the entire Black community and the country at large, would be behind this movement, supporting him.

This is a situation that I’m conflicting on, because I truly have two dueling thought processes about this right now and I’m not really sure which is right, but I tend to go with the more pessimistic view point, just based upon history. On the one hand, I would like to think that seeing that level of brazen disrespect for life of a human would transcend whether or not it was a gay or straight man, in this instance, the fact that there is video footage showing a cop murdering an unarmed man in cold blood would cause us to galvanize as a race of people and attack the large picture that we see being addressed currently in this country. My logic reasons that people aren’t that cynical that if the details were to come out that he was a gay man and had a lover, that we would have turned down the volume on the level of outrage and anger we’re feeling, because it would still be an unarmed black man slain at the hands of the law.

Then, there is the more realistic, less optimistic person that says somehow the details would matter in this case. The fact that the man was gay and not a straight man, would ward off some of the hardcore ‘Straight” black people and even some of the White community that aren’t comfortable throwing their support behind the Gay community. Somewhere in the conversation would definitely come up religion and how the interpretation of the bible that says being gay is a sin would somehow justify some of the religious community that wouldn’t be advocating as strongly as they are now for change. I can see a situation where some of the older black people, that were raised with The Church, would be conflicted on whether they could give full support to something that they feel is wrong and worth condemning someone to hell for. Similarly I can see a situation where some of the countries around the world that are protesting with us, maybe being more demur and mellow, because many countries still don’t accept homosexual people as equal members of society.

There would be so many layers underneath it all for people to sit and determine what side of history they want to be on. But I can see some of the football players and coaches and professional sports teams being reluctant to endorse in full throat the movement because the figure being used as a the figurehead isn’t “typical” enough to be used as a rallying cry. Yes, I know this requires a level of pessimism that some may say is dangerous, but as an openly gay, black man who lives in this country, this community, I really don’t have a hard time reaching this conclusion. For me I see it as completely logical because lets face it, the black community hasn’t exactly rallied around those Transgender women who’ve been murdered across the nation. They don’t seem to be quick to accept abuse to gay, black men if they are “bible toting Christians” because to them the sin of being gay is the primary cause of the situation.

It is very fair for us to wonder just how much support we would be receiving from the straight community if this were a gay man. I understand those who say lets wait until we have gotten sufficient action and change for the community at large before we address the more complex issue of the black, gay man. But, I would caution that that’s exactly what we say every time we have a tragic mass shooting that murders innocent people. It’s the same thing we had been saying about police brutality and policy changes. Sometimes the lets be patient and get one thing done before the other doesn’t work. It allows the heat to die down, the passion becomes subdued and now we aren’t willing to be as fervent tackling the issue. So I think that this is a conversation worth having right now and one that we need to address within our own community. Because like it or not, it is more likely than not that this will happen again, and next time it may be a black, gay man. And what are we going to do as a community? Are we going to support him as ferociously and demanding as we are with this current set of killings or are we going to be tepid, justifying our action or inaction based upon where we fall on the religious spectrum?

Lets discuss it

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The Heart of America

Again I’ve found myself wrestling with just how to comment on everything that we’ve seen for the past three weeks. The continued murder of unarmed black people, especially men, by police across this country. It is the very essence of a hate crime, if you’re willing to expand your mind enough. These are typically White officers who are killing Black people in cold blood and with no recourse. They’re not just doing it under the cover of darkness, but because they know they can get away with it, they’re killing us in broad damn daylight. You would think they want to be more subtle, but hell when you think about it, why should they? They no reason not to. The sorry ass juries that get convened very rarely convict them. The people in power are always protecting them, so it is a surprise that all these black people are being gunned down for no reason, while our White counterparts are continued to be handled with kid gloves? The question now is, have we truly reached the end of this shit? Have we said as a people, Enough is a fucking nough?

In my opinion right now, this fight, this journey, this battle is for the heart of America, not anything else. I could sit here and recite the numbers and statistics of the black people killed by cops. I could give you the statistics of the likelihood of violence against black people versus White from law enforcement, but if you’ve watched television or read articles published, you know those numbers by now. Instead this is geared to your heart. This is my plea for you White Americans who still don’t get it, to think deeper and harder about the situation. This is for some of you who keep saying All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, to consider why now, in this moment, the nation and the world are rallying around my community to enact change and to attempt to work towards making whole, what has been broken. The Black community is broken, tired, beaten, but resilient. We are fighting back the way we know how. We are finding a way to come together from all walks and getting the rest of the world involved to stand up and say no more. To say that we have had taken this shit for far too many years and we are sick and damn tired of it.

So here is my plea to all of you out there who are still in denial or are simply attempting to divert from the reason for the protests and unrest right now. Imagine if your family was taken to a foreign country against it’s will. Weren’t given a choice to stay or go, but told that you were going to be enslaved to a master who will control everything that you do. You’re family is separated often times. Your children are taken from you and you never see them again. Imagine that your beaten over and over again simply for not being good enough in the eyes of your master. Imagine not being able to read or write. Imagine not having your freedom. You live just to please a master and nothing else. Imagine working in your owners home, but you just serve the purpose of servant and sex slave. You are there to perform whatever acts master says. If they want to fuck you and make you have their child or children, you have no choice but to accept that reality.

Now what if you were given your freedom, but nothing else. You didn’t have a place to live. You have no type of formal education. You don’t know the basics of really surviving in the world that you have been released into. What do you do? How do you decide what you will do in terms of food and survival? Even after being freed imagine that your still mistreated, beaten, spit on, disgraced. You do what you see the others doing, volunteering to defend the foreign country you live in by going to war as a solider for that nation, only to return to hate and bigotry. To be pulled of your bus and beaten because you’re wearing the uniform of US Military and you  have those people who feel you’re not human, not worthy of fighting for their freedom. Think about that for a second. Do you think that’s fair? Are you upset yet? Does it make you think about your opportunity to really make it where you live?

Imagine your kids being beaten and spit on just because they want to better themselves and have a solid education and opportunity to rise up and be better than you, which is what all parents want for their children. Imagine your child being lied on and instead of being vindicated, your child is murdered in cold blood, left to rot and be made an example of. Imagine your daughters being raped just because of who they are and justice never coming for them. Imagine your mothers and fathers being beaten and brutalized because they’re trying to stand for you. Help to make sure you and all those who are like you have a chance to have an equal shot at the dream. Think about you making a minor traffic infraction. You run the stop sign, and instead of law enforcement treating you humanly and respectfully, they treat you as hostile, as a threat. You’re always assumed to be guilty of something more salacious than just a minor driving offense. You’re always a target when you go into the store. You are passed over for the opportunities for advancement at work just because you don’t fit their culture or look.

Imagine that you’re just trying to get some food and enjoy the company of a friend. And because you fit the typical mold of a criminal your harassed, stopped and detained for questioning because of someone assuming from a distance you’re a criminal. No apology given once its proven you aren’t the suspect. No apology for the discrimination, for the embarrassment or shame. No solace in feeling safe or protected. The reality is that you are even in fear more of law enforcement after that because now you know that you will always be guilty until proven innocent. All of these instances provided to you are real. They are the plight of the Black community in relation to White America and law enforcement in this country. White people do you understand now?

Everything that you take for granted, we don’t have that luxury. We are always enemies and targets no matter how educated or professional we are. No matter what status we think we hold in any industry, facts are proven over and over that in the eyes of this nation, we are still subservient to you. We are still brutes who are intimidating and threats to you because we’re different. Yet the one thing that flows through us all that makes us even and equal is that red blood underneath your skin. It’s also that heart that beats in your chest. If you truly read this and put yourself in all those scenarios and situations, then you should be standing beside and with us. Joining in the call for real freedom and fairness from this oppressive system. It won’t hurt you, but it damn sure will help us.

Talk to me America

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Love is….

Probably one of the most difficult blanks to fill in because this topic is so varied and can be very broad or as specific as one wishes to make it. For this post I think I will attack it from three different angles. One, love is beautiful. Two, love is complicated. Three, love is disappointing. While there are definitely more words and sentences you could use for this example, I am choosing to use these three as I think they are probably the most common and the most open to discuss. Maybe after reading this you will have some thoughts of your own. So lets dive in.

One.. Love is beautiful. Make no mistake about it, there is nothing greater, in my opinion, than being in-love with someone who is in-love with you. It is one of the most beautiful things that you can have. Someone whose heart is beating just as strongly for you as yours is for them. Someone who thinks of you like you think of them. Someone who looks at you with the softness and passion that you look at them. It defies a lot of the negatives that can exist in the world and it can make even the most challenging of days seem tolerable. The beauty of love can make anything solvable because you know that someone is giving you what you desire. Companionship, love, intimacy and all the things in-between. Love like that is intoxicating, it can make you feel like you’re high without ever touching a blunt to your lips or a glass to your mouth. It makes you have butterflies sometimes when you see that special someone and it can make you feel real good about yourself. This kind of love is transcending, it allows for you to get past most any challenge set in front of you. It can take you to a place where nothing matters to you but you and the bond that you have built with that individual. Tell me if you have ever experienced a love like this.

Second, love is complicated. When you have the beautiful parts of love, sometimes you also have the challenges and the stresses of love. It can be and usually is a process to love someone. It’s not something that typically comes right away and even if you are in-love with someone, it’s likely that you’ve had some patches along the way to test and strengthen that love. It also has helped to build and grow you together with that someone. Sometimes it takes the challenges and the not so fun things for the love to truly grow and expand. Usually what’s happening is both people are staking their ground, drawing their boundaries, expressing their displeasures, as a means to grow together and figure out what are the triggers and displeasures of one another. It doesn’t mean that it’s anything bad happening, but it means that there is work to be done. And with all things, a relationship shouldn’t feel like a job or work, but for it to be the best that it can, it takes effort from both people to be as successful as possible. Learning to understand the difference between work and effort is key in having a relationship with that beautiful love. Also, sometimes a person may get weird or act out of character, it’s important to understand the root of that or at least have a full understanding of what to expect from someone in that situation.

The more in-depth and complex an issue is, the more complicated it can make the love that you share with someone. Because these complex situations require delicate and decisive actions in order to resolve them and grow from them. The worst thing that you can do when confronted with a situation like this is be timid or unsure. You also need to exercise a degree of patience. That is one thing that complicates love. Patience is something most people don’t have or are very reluctant to give because it requires them to give your time and yourself to the process of growing in love with someone. And time is one thing that we can never rebuild, grow or get back again. Once the clock changes from minute to minute, hour to hour it is lost forever, never to be repeated. It is for that reason that I believe many people are now hesitant to invest the time and energy necessary for a successful and beautiful love, because they fear their time being wasted and their energy being used for nothing. If you agree or disagree with this particular premise let me know.

Third, love is disappointing. Perhaps the most controversial and opinionated part of the this post. Love can be definitely one of the most disappointing things that happens in your life. It can break your heart. It can destroy your life, leave you fucked up, to pick up your own pieces, figure out what went wrong and try to figure out how to put yourself back together again without being too cold or bitter or black hearted about the situation. When you experience one or multiple of these disappointments, they tend to mark you. Leaving you trapped mentally in time to when the scar happened. Forcing you at some point to deal with the pain and damage. Otherwise, you will subject yourself to endless repetition with different people, until you address the situation that caused you to get stuck on pause. When you love someone with all of you and get your heart broken it can and usually will, change you forever. You aren’t the same because a piece of you is lost with that heartache, but it also gives you an opportunity to learn, rebuild yourself and become a better version of you. it can also create the space for a lot of bitterness or hardness towards people.

Love is also disappointing because you may not get the same amount of love back that you put out. Nothing is more hurtful that you showing and giving all your love to someone you think loves you, only for them to return your love half hearted or some percentage less than the 100 that you’re giving. That usually indicates to some that you aren’t being fairly treated in that relationship and you may need to get out for your own good, which is painful in that regard as well. Or maybe you’re loving someone one way and they don’t share that same love for you. It too can have an effect on you. No one will know how that will play out until or unless you come across that situation. While there are so many more situations that fit into this category, I think for now this is where I will leave you. Give me your feedback and I will pick this series back up down the line.

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Heart to Heart

Exactly as this title suggests this post will deal with matters of the heart. Why some seem to try to hide and others are willing to allow the emotions and feelings to freely flow, and what that does to people attempting to form the bond that builds towards forever. I think it’s worth sitting and attempting to understand why some people show too little concern for the time and moment that their given and why others seem to either over prioritize it or value it with a great degree of specialty. To understand that dynamic, I think, will allow for people to realize that when you take too much time worrying about protecting yourself and too much time buried in a phone, you lose the valuable time given that you will not be able to get back.

First let’s get real about the person who seems to be unwilling to really let themselves get caught up in the moment with someone they love. That person most likely has been hurt before and they don’t want to allow the next person to play with their heart strings. Or maybe they’ve been hurt and they haven’t fully recovered so they aren’t really and truly prepared to take on the necessary vulnerability needed to successfully establish the bond that’s needed for a relationship to truly form and develop. That individual also doesn’t take full advantage of the situation, and in that case constantly wants to talk about the what if’s or what they want or need or miss. Instead of truly just stopping to enjoy what the opportunity has been given. It definitely makes one question whether or not that person is forreal about their intent to build as needed. Or whether they are simply caught up in the what if’s and grandeurs of wanting something, yet unable or unwilling to achieve the objective.

Being unappreciated is something that can make anyone turn sour. It can make you feel unwanted and not truly cared for. You have to wonder if the person who is afraid is aware of that? Do they understand what it is that they’re actually hurting their own cause with person they desire. How do you really reach that individual? You have to figure out how you really get them to understand that what they’re doing isn’t actually working. You must in my mind understand that their will be a delicate dance that you must navigate. If you push too far you can ruin the positive and strong environment you have created. On the other hand, you risk losing part of your voice, and the control of the situation for as much as you can.

Now, the person who appreciates and possibly overvalues the element of time with someone. That person can be a little impatient and slightly anxious. They can feel that they’re not being given the same amount of attention and energy that they’re giving, which can lead them to feel very unappreciated and ultimately unwanted. You have to hope that it’s not the case at all. You most definitely have to move with a delicate balance. When you start to feel as though your heart isn’t being spoken to anymore, you have to take a very sensitive approach to the situation. If you are unable to see a little deeper into the situation you may risk alienating the person. It’s never an easy thing to do, primarily because you have feelings and emotions that re difficult to manage. Secondly, the person who is a little dismissive will then begin to feel slightly attacked or uncomfortable and then you must react accordingly.

Heart to heart is a difficult blog to write because it really plays on the emotional strings of someone who over thinks and has to analyze everything, risking alienating the other person, and the other individual, while highly analytical, operates from a much more reactive and present disposition. It can then become difficult for the two to go from one situation to the next because one is operating from a place of pause and catch up, while the other sits present, more flexibly able to go from one thing to the next. Allowing for situations to not be perfect and needing to pivot in order to see things through. It suggests that maybe these two individuals aren’t as compatible as one may think they are. And it could also indicate that more time and patience is needed for the two to really understand each other.

I know this is a bit scattered and disjointed, but these thoughts are hard to place right at the moment. Read and talk to me

Leave a comment Posted on lifestyle, real talk

Gone But Not Forgotten

Ten months ago, I started on another journey towards fatherhood. It was exciting, nerve-wrecking and emotional all at the same time. Because twice before I have been in this position only to have the individuals decide to terminate the pregnancy without any consultation with me. Both knowing full well that I wanted to have the child they were pregnant with at the time. So this time around I was dealing with someone that I knew would not kill our kid prematurely just because or because we went through a fall out. And to our surprise, we were supposed to be having twins. Fuckin twins!! I wasn’t expecting that you know I was happy as hell to be having two kids at one time. And so the process began of preparing for these babies to come into this world and to make sure that they were given everything they needed to grow and develop as they needed to.

Because they were twins and the person had already had one miscarriage we were cautioned about revealing too much too soon as this would be a high risk pregnancy and all the guidelines would need to be followed exactly to the letter of the law if we were going to maximize the opportunity for both of these beautiful babies to see this world. Early on things were dicey, but I thought that we had gotten out of the woods of that and was moving towards a more normal situation. And then the dominos started to fall that made things become far more uncertain and eventually to the end of another chance to be a father. The complications began to happen more frequent and sadly in mid September we had lost the twins and again the pain and aguish of dealing with the loss of unborn children I had to endure. It hurt unbelievably bad. It’s something that no one can ever prepare you for.

I’ve sat many days staring into space just wondering how so many people who don’t or didn’t want kids have them and someone who wants them and would be good to them and treat them well can’t get to the end of the race and have one or two or three, however many it is that I’m meant to have. It’s frustrating and saddening. It makes you depressed and sad. You want to cry and just block out the world, yet you know that can’t because the world doesn’t stop just because you go through misfortune. You must deal with it, with the person that you started that journey with, hope that y’all can find some semblance of support and understanding for each other while grieving on your in and in your own ways. My babies never got to breathe a breath of air. See the light of day or the dark of night. They never got to cry or laugh and feel anything of this world.

Maybe it’s a good thing in one respect with the pandemic that has crippled this nation and world, but fuck that man, I wanted them to be here. See this world, hold them, burp them, feed them, change them. Lay them on my chest and let them sleep. Wipe their little faces after they eat. All the things that a parent wants to do with their child, again I don’t get to experience. I just wonder if I will ever be given that opportunity to welcome my own kids to my life. Time will ultimately tell me if it’s meant for me to give life to kids of my own. I know that it’s tiring and hurtful to get started and be forced to stop. To my two unborn babies, this is your memorializing, your marking that you were here to a degree. You were alive inside your mother and you were loved as though you had already been here.

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle, Politics, real talk

American Arrogance, American Deaths

I’ve been watching and paying attention to the actions across this country as we battle this pandemic that has crippled our country. I’ve listened to peers who work in essential work careers and those who have been laid off and those who are working from home. It is a wide variety of responses, as to be expected, but it also shows why a pure Capitalistic society will always lend itself to dangers from health pandemics. We have people out here who are still going to barbershops and facilities of mass gatherings. We have churches that aren’t willing to follow guidelines and display their services online and not have people gathering in large groups in sanctuaries. People who are so starved for human interaction they’re flocking to parks in large numbers but not practicing social distancing. People still having block parties or house parties, large gatherings of people when there are specific orders to shelter in pace, aka keep yo ass at home.

Let me be clear I fully understand the need for everyone to be able to make a living. I know that the need for folks to make money is paramount because we live in a society that struggles with helping each other financially in times of crisis. Businesses don’t want to hold off on rent collection, mortgage collection, car payments and so on. I am happy to see that some of these things are changing. But the rental community, especially Apartment complex communities are wanting rent to be paid regardless of the state of their livelihoods, and that is sad, pathetic and unfortunate. I’m sure they have collected more than enough rent from all residents to allow for a moratorium on rent collection for a period of time.

I want to underscore though, that the kind of country we have makes it so difficult to accept the new norms that the health and science community want us to follow. Keep your space, don’t go out if you don’t have to, be more minimal in your approach to life. We as a society in this country always want big and over the top. We want freedom to do anything and everything at all times. Now we’re being told that we need to stop that and people are rejecting it. We aren’t listening to the professionals saying that if we don’t continue to stay home and stay away we’re going to have hundreds of thousands killed and if we are reckless, then millions can die. Are you really that needy to you have to go to a shop or salon to get your hair done. First off, where the fuck you going? Because you can’t take yo ass no where. Or are all of you really getting Easter ready so you can attend a service to give your money in droves to the church, or as a large number of you will do, have a brand new outfit and shoes and fake giving to the church so you look cute?

Which brings me to my biggest point of contention. Many of the leaders of the churches, are showing what great leadership is. They have suspended in person church services, and moved to online only. Allowing the word to still be preached, the gospel to still be given to its people and for folks to still get the leadership and guidance they need. You can get devotion and worship without being in the physical sanctuary. Now, as someone who has gone through the different stages of worship I understand why people have the needs or desires they do to be in the physical presence. Some are dependent on that energy and connection of souls and reverence they place on the sanctuary to give them that full experience of understanding. They need the union of spirits and bodies to enhance their takeaway of the word. They want that energy that goes with being present before God in a holy place.

While that is understandable, because I too use to be one of those individuals, there is the next step in your spiritual journey. Which is to understand that you do not need to be present in the church to be present in the spirit with God. You can listen and watch on television or on a laptop and get just as connected through that vessel as you can by being in the actual sanctuary. This is the next level of awakening. Understanding that God can be anywhere and everywhere at the same time. That you can be gathered at your home, while the pastor is gathered at their home and the parishioners are gathered at their homes and still fellowship together. Because where two or three are gathered in the midst there am I. It doesn’t say that there always has be a physical gathering. It just says where they are gathered. I also understand that to follow the text is to say that God wants you to treat each other as you would yourself to be treated. So I would imagine this definitely holds true in times of great upheaval. Your health is of the utmost importance. Worshipping God from home because you are being bountiful in your duties to God, is the most responsible thing you can do when you have a virus that is as ruthless and aggressive as this one is.

Yet, because tomorrow is Easter Sunday or Resurrection Sunday, many churches across this nation will open it’s doors to thousands of worshippers so they can have a performance, collect your money and preach a word to you. That to me is the textbook definition of a lack of leadership. It spits in the face of a bold leader. It defies what God said and Jesus preached. Many of you religious people will say that God’s got us. That God is not going to let anything happen to his or her people. But I question you this, you do know that you have been through challenges in your life that God let happen because you needed to learn and be taught for your own growth and understanding. You do know unnecessary challenges happen in your life when you go against what we know the wisdom to be. This is a situation where many are now going to be subjected to a virus that is killer and shows no sign of being contained, only controlled by distancing ourselves from each other. Now we’re going to unleash hell by many of you gathering in mass for something you can watch on your phones, laptops, desktops or tv screens. It is highly irresponsible and cowardice. Yes I’m sure of everything that I’m saying.

We as a people have a responsibility to protect ourselves and our fellow man. But so many of you are clamoring for something that your taking a chance on the things really aren’t needed to be chanced. It goes back though, to the leadership of this country and to the fabric of who we are as a nation. A leader who is all about himself and money. A country that made free enterprise and Capitalism its roots. We don’t take as adequate care of our people as we should. Our military vets are amongst the worst cared for in our healthcare system and other systems when they return from protecting and serving this nation. Our elderly are taken advantage of and thrown out to the wolves largely as they age, if they don’t have family or sufficient money to not need the government. Our youth are left to fend for themselves, if they aren’t born to a family that sees their lives as important and critical to protect, nurture and develop. We let the sick get raped by healthcare costs and lack of concern. Even healthy citizens are expected to constantly give more and more of themselves with less and less being paid to show for their hard work. So the response and handling of this pandemic by this country was predictable. We are and forever will be beholden to the dollar. We are beholden to the lifestyle of convenience, rather than the one of balance.

America is suffering from the same things that made it great, that are now making us suffer. We are also struggling with this virus because of ourselves. We don’t see our family members or loved ones being impacted so we say why we still inside, it’s not hitting us. Well, my message to you is keep being reckless and doing things your way, and it just might be you that is laid up needing the all the things that we see on tv are in supply currently but only by a thread. America, wake the fuck up, step the hell up and sit yo ass down if you don’t have to be out there right now. Church will be there, barbers will be there, all the luxurious things you want will be there. But we don’t protect and care for ourselves better, we won’t.

Give me your thoughts and feedback, I want to talk about this. #homeissafe