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Body My Way

Most time I read health conscious blogs and articles and they’re usually trying too hard to get you to change the way you live your life. This will not be one of those types of blogs. I simply want to give you some tips and insights that may help you if you want to try to naturally have a good shape and healthier lifestyle. So don’t worry as you keep reading you won’t get brainwashed.. LOL.

One of the things that makes me happy about myself, is that I’ve maintained a relatively healthy body, especially in comparison to some of the friends I have. I’ve never really tried to be the health nut freak. I don’t avoid eating things that I like, nor do I avoid having a drink or two if I want, when I want. I haven’t stopped smoking my trees either. What I did learn to do was eat and drink the things that detox my body and keep my body healthy. Now, this will not be the perfect elixir, but I promise you when you decide that you wanna have a healthy life, you find the things that will make your body have the balance that you need to. You also will put the nutrients and necessary things in your system to keep you healthy and feeling good.

For me, I’ve always tried to make sure I get my green vegetables in my diet all the time. I was once told by my doctor to make sure to have dark green leafy veggies with all your meals. Now I’m not gone tell you that I accomplish that goal all the time, but I definitely try to make sure I hit that mark when I cook, which is usually 3 to 4 times a week. So I make sure to get close to hitting that mark. Why them greens is important is because you get the health value you need. The iron and shit that keeps your body running smoothly. It also helps to turn your insides so you have regular bowel movements. We all know how important it is to be regular. Not only from a comfort point of view, but health wise when you are regular then you’re releasing the toxins in your body. For those who may not know, a majority of your illnesses come from your body not consistently releasing those harmful substances in your body and they build up, mixing with other chemicals ingested and there you have it.

Another thing that I do, and it helps for multiple purposes, is I drink high protein smoothies mixed with berries. I learned just how important berries are to the health of the body, especially blueberries. Knowing that blueberries are superfoods, you get soo much value from having a regular helping in your diet. I make every smoothie with a nice helping of blueberries, raspberries and blackberries. They clean you out, give you healthy skin, healthy heart and plenty of energy. I also don’t eat beef or pork. Now let me be fully transparent, I’m not recommending that you stop eating the cow and the pig. I made the decision and it was the best choice I could’ve made. I felt the changes to my body once I stopped and I haven’t went through many of the physical aches and pains lots of my friends have, who do still eat beef and pork. Am I saying it’s all correlated? No, I’m really not, but I do think there is some symmetry between the two.

Ironically, for years I use to try figure out how to gain weight within my old eating habits, when I ate beef and pork and had much more carefree diet, LOL. Nothing really worked, even though my grandma use to always say she was gone fatten me up one way or the other. Truth is she couldn’t do it either. My eating habit changes, and inclusion of protein drinks and bars and eating healthier actually made the difference for me. I still eat whatever I want, when I want, but my healthy weight gains happened after I stopped eating beef and pork. After I started to have healthy green veggies on a regular basis. After I started drinking my protein shakes and after I included a high fiber, high natural berries diet. I also make sure to drink plenty of water every day. That too has been one of the biggest changes over the years. I don’t like to drink cold water either, I drink room temperature water. I learned that it helps the digestive system process better. Try it out for yourself and see how you like the difference.

Now reading this blog, you shouldn’t come away with me doing anything other than giving you some tips, advice and suggestions of what to do. I just want to make sure people understand just how changing the little things, and some big things, about how you eat can change how your body breaks down food, gets rid of wastes and ultimately, may save your life. The choice is yours and the decisions are for your mind and heart to make. Ohhhh, and a quick aside, sometimes you should meet in fresh nuts. LOL, not those kind, but walnuts, sliced and whole.

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Unleashed, Unhinged, Uncontrolled

Something that I have always prided myself on being able to do was controlling my urges, and the different personalities that roamed within me. I always knew that there were different versions of me that could come out and be active, but I was pretty disciplined enough to keep them in check, until I was ready for one of them to show themselves. You know there are always different situations that happen that makes you feel as though you have to show people a different side of you. It lets them know that you ain’t the bitch they think you are. Or maybe you it to be known that you won’t be taken advantage of any longer. It could also be the case that you want your sexual freak to have his moment in the sun. All of these different personalities, and more, exist and for the longest I’ve been able to control them. Well, that’s all changed and I don’t think I have that control anymore. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I like it anymore, but I also don’t think I can control them anymore either.

As one person who has seen a lot of things, I understand that often times the personalities in our heads are created out of necessity. In order to survive, we find ways to protect our vulnerable selves or personalities from the wolves that are attacking us. Then, once those attacks are neutralized we can allow our “normal self ” to reappear. Only there are times that I feel like we never really let that person show back up. We tease it’s existence back out most times. That’s when you start seeing the representative of yourself show it’s personality more and more. You give what you want people to see and keep hidden what you don’t want people to take advantage of. I will take it multiple steps further. Once you have been exposed and hurt enough, not only do you not let the original version of you exist, you never let that person come back out. You create these different personalities of yourself to cope with the hurt, pain and anger of life and you switch from one to the next depending on the day, time and situation. Some call it losing yourself. I call it becoming unleashed. You ask me why do I use that word, because most times, the other characters you create are more sinister, devious versions of the real you.

Once the harsh realities of life start to claw away at your heart, you have to create personalities in your head in order to deal with the damage done to your mind, soul or spirit. Lose a child and see how you find ways to manage with that pain. Get your heart broken and watch how you mentally find ways to adjust to the new reality. Let someone abuse you and see the mindset you create in order to survive that ordeal and get away. Have things you worked hard to obtain taken away from you because of someone you trusted and watch how you make changes to avoid a repeat of that situation. It is the events of life that force you to create these alternate personalities to be able to handle those dark, painful moments in life. Well, what happens when you’re pushed too far or things happen too frequently and you decide that you can no longer be who you once were? Or maybe you decide that you don’t want to restrict the people who live in your head. Then maybe it’s not even a choice you consciously make. It could be that your subconscious makes the choice for you. All those thoughts and actions that you just use to think about and wonder what it would be like if you behaved in such a fashion now become reality. You are now living it out in real time. The chains that you put on the more unhinged versions of yourself are now off.

I think about how effective it has been for me to have all these personalities free roaming around now in my head. And the truth is I’m not happy with it now. There are a lot of things that have happened that have shocked me, but there are times where I feel like I’m looking down at myself and wondering what the fuck am I doing? I’m trying to figure out how the fuck did I become this reckless and disconnected from things I use to hold so true to my core? I’ve always had a high sex drive and been a freak, but damn that shit been blown of the water now. I don’t have the consistent pattern with my routine that I had before and I can’t really see why, until I think about when I was fucked over. It’s hard when the personalities are moving at once, because I feel myself thinking from those different personality points it my decisions are always so scattered as a result. And I can hear the opposing view speaking up, why don’t you get therapy or counseling? Good question, are you going to give me money to pay for that shit? Cuz them sessions are expensive as fuck and I don’t have the bank built up for that at this moment in time.

I used to think that I was just coping with life and I would get through it and allow myself to shine back through. The more time that has passed, I’m realizing that this iteration of me seems to be here to stay, and I’m actively working to find a way to change that. To control what I have unleashed is a difficult thing. Part of me wants to the genie back in the bottle, while other parts want to just continue roaring uncontrolled. I miss some of things that I now don’t seem capable of doing anymore. Finding my way back to me is tough, and the truth is, it really may never happen again.

Tell me what you think….

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Memories In Darkness

Greatness comes from failure as much as it comes from success. I’m sure someone else may have said that, but I’m the only person I know that my ears have actually heard say that. And now my eyes seeing me write that on this blog is the first time I’ve seen those words written just like that. It is my belief that true greatness in whatever it is you strive for excellence in comes from having failure in your life. It teaches you how to respond to adversity, it shows you how to recover from disappointment, it reveals if you have the character to be a survivor after going through difficulty. All of these things are needed if you are going to come through tough times, or dark moments. What happens when those dark memories don’t subside? What happens when you’ve found your way to recover from those deeply challenging situations, but your mind is still damaged and your soul is still stained?

There are things I go back to and wonder why did they happen, and then I spin forward and I ask myself, why the fuck am I still feeling so damaged by these events? In part I understand, because these events when presented separately and far enough apart, create these life altering moments that can take time to recover from, if ever. On the other hand, when you compound trauma one on top of the other for months and years, what you get is a fucked up human trying to figure out how to ground himself again in himself, let alone in society that has beaten him down like a bear mauling an animal in the wilderness. You might say that’s a strong analogy, and my response would be if you knew me and understood the extent to which some shit has happened, you would say that’s a fair comparison. All at the same time I’m not one who seeks sympathy or pity. I don’t want or need anyone to feel sorry for me and what I’ve experienced, I just wish I really had true understanding and I do wish I could openly talk about the darkness I feel with people who really can understand, relate and give the compassion and love I seek to help heal a damaged soul.

God knows all and I’ve cried my eyes out numerous time in my private talks with the creator. I’ve asked so many times why me? Why was I chosen to have these particular obstacles put in front of me? And honestly I haven’t seen anything revealed to met yet that fully helps me understand the plan or reasons why. Yes, there are people who look to me that have had similar experiences or were traveling down the road to being exposed to some of the same things I have and I was able to either talk them down to prevent it, or I was there to be able to help them through it. In that respect I understand why I was chosen to deal with some of those situations, but then I ask myself did I really need to be exposed to all of what I was just be the shepherd to protect the flock? Maybe I need to keep living life and in time more of the puzzle will be put together for me to see why I had to endure so much dark energy.

The hard part is when you feel like you’ve got all this dark memory inside you, you don’t really know how to release it so it’s not haunting you in the stillness of the night or day. So many times I’ve been listening to music or working out, times where my brain can just roam, no direction or instructions given for my thoughts and my mind carries me back to the dark places. Or it takes me back to times when I had gotten to a certain place of satisfaction, only to remind me of the destruction. Showing me the painful memories and images that I tried so hard to work past and bury. Is that what truly dark memories do to you? Do they root themselves in the deepest part of your mind, ready to resurface when you let the subconscious mind free to roam? It disturbs me so much because it just constantly reminds me of just how damaged I really am. And I know what some of you might say too.. Have you thought about it from the positive aspect? Your mind is also reminding you of just how much you have overcome and just how strong of a person you are? I thought about that too and while you have a point, I hit back with, how many times to do you need to be reminded of the dark past you left? Don’t you realize that you’re also being reminded of what you lost? It is also a perverse situation where you don’t get to move past it because it routinely is being thrown back into you memory and sight.

The darkness hurts, and more importantly than anything, it changes you to someone that you really aren’t sure how to handle. At least in my case I don’t know how to control the darker version of myself. I find myself thinking and doing that I never would have done before. I see so many unusual character traits that never showed before all the trauma. I’ve lost a sense of the light that I used to operate with and please be aware, dark light shows just like bright light. Manipulation is mother fucka and those who know how do it masterfully can control things so easily. So that leaves me to try and figure it out once again… How do you control the memories in darkness?

Talk back to me…

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Trapped In Time and Space

I awoke this morning with my mind racing as usual, wondering how the events of my life have unfolded how they have. I thought about all the major decisions I made and how they impacted me in so many different ways. I thought about what it would have been like had I stuck with one situation and not landed in other. Would my child be here, would I be married? And yes before you ask it was with a guy that I was engaged and we had decided to have a child together. That story has already been told in previous writings so I wont dig back in those details again. I also wonder, going further back in time, if I had the chance to ride with a guy with years of history where would we be today. My heart says it would be marriage that lasts a lifetime, my brain says the shit would ended tragically. My mind has been in a time warp when it comes to you for the past fifteen years, and it drives me crazy.

The beginning was as unexpected and amazing as anyone could have hoped for. Then the shit became like a major motion picture. It had all the twists and turns, the plots changing on a dime, deceit and lies that have to covered with more lies. Truths being exposed and acceptance and forward movement after a “heart to heart”. Only for there to be more lies and deceit. You rinse and repeat, change the years and the characters involved, but the main protagonist and antagonist remain the same. The issues that cause the turmoil seem to be different but ,when thought about in its totality, they revolve around the exact same narrative. It’s the shit you truly make a movie of and you see of the main characters either move on or die. See in these kinds of movies, after you’ve seen one or ten or however many you watch, you know how the story will ultimately go. One person is truly going to get tired of the shit and they will walk away forever. The one who did all the shit will realize just how fucked up they were and once they truly have changed it will be too fucking late. Because when they had the chance to be real and come to the light with the shit, they kept playing games. They truly hardened the heart of the one who loved them and for that, they have to put in the past forever.

Saying all of that it’s easy as fuck to write. It’s super easy to think of and definitely easy to act out. But doing the shit in real life is a bitch. The truth of the matter is, most people, no matter how much they want to rid themselves of someone they can’t just close them out. If the person comes back with a presentation that seems contrite and they show adequate levels of regret, usually they can get another chance. See the key is to know how to use words and the mental advantage you have over someone to get them to believe that it is different and they are the one who is holding on to the past iterations of who you were. The reality is the reason for that is because of the person who did the bullshit to begin with in the first place. See what you don’t realize is that the pattern that you created gets thought about over and over, so once it’s recognized you don’t want to hear the bullshit again. You really want to see and hear change and difference. Growth is possible for all, and yes we all can change. But really when you change it’s noticeable from the jump. Nothing really needs to be said, it’s felt and understood. Yet, you’re like the forbidden fruit hanging on the tree. You know that you shouldn’t touch and taste it, but you have a special connection and bond that sucks you in every time.

You allow the emotions and feelings to rush back to you and then you find yourself wanting more, wanting to see just how much has changed and if you can truly let yourself go and fulfil the promises y’all made all those years ago. And then, one day when you’re really just trying to move a conversation forward, you see exactly what you knew was still there all along. The shit ain’t changed at all, it just took time for it show. What do you do though after you find this out. How do you move and react? My answer is to be as legit and real as you can. Let them see that while they may be stuck playing the same games, you truly have grown and become wiser. Call it out, be direct, put the shit in his face and then give them the peace and love that you have. Show them that this is what real change looks like. And then make the decision that you know you have to make. Take your time, secure your emotions and finally walk away. Cry, smile and love yourself.

Talk to me

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Just Keep Spinning

The world mental anguish is a slippery place to be. The struggle with depression and self doubt usually permeates your mind more than a little bit. The hot stove of feeling accomplished and validated, versus wondering if it’s all a setup is so disturbing. It can be difficult to appreciate just how much the cosmic forces have brought you to a path in life that you dreamed of, that you thought about for many, many years. Hearing your thoughts and dreams as a child and young adult in your head while the movie is playing right before your very eyes. The other side of you is saying, do you really deserve this? Are you really the right person for this dream to be coming to fruition for? See that is the push and pull that one can never really escape. It seems that you are destined to walk the tight rope between believing in yourself and your own dreams, and criticizing yourself because you don’t believe that it’s meant to be for you.

The mind set that I present to you is one that is experienced my millions of people across the world. Hell, maybe even billions. People live with self doubt and confidence issues all the time. Most of times, you never see it in that person. You don’t know the extent of how deep it goes. But, if you’re really close to these individuals, you get to peek behind the curtain to see just how debilitating it really is. To actively wonder if this really real, while you’re in the middle of completing one of most productive and potentially life changing meetings in your life, is kinda normal, but also kinda insane. Who really continuously doubts themselves in the face of consistent positive changes being brought into their life? I guess it really is true that once you’ve been burned by life a number of times, the cynic in you becomes the primary character and the believer in you has to wait for further validation. Then again, maybe that’s just the mind of a person who really struggles with their own self confidence. And let me make sure I’m covering all the bases, it’s not just the professional or family issues that fuck you up. It’s the personal ones with other people that usually tend to do the most damage.

Imagine getting promoted into your first formal leadership role. One that, though you don’t have a million years of experience, you are very well qualified for. Only to be constantly disrespected, belittled, marginalized by the other newly hired manager who is an older Black woman. Your same race, with a child who is in your age range, and instead of her celebrating your accomplishment and reinforcing you at a time of some uncertainty, she is the primary person trying to tear you down and sabotage your opportunity. And to be fair, there was plenty of reinforcement else where and from people who are closer and mean more, but to have a peer that you once looked up to because of their approach dog you out after that accomplishment, it’s like being spat on. Someone taking the oxygen and cutting it off a bit, because not only do you have to fight the Black stigma in Corporate America, but you don’t even have an ally who could fully relate to that struggle.

Why is that one scenario so impactful, because throughout time you have been hit with scenarios similar to that. You have individuals who are suppose to be supporters and reinforcers, only to let you down when things change. Or to fall off, or become a critic when the changes don’t really benefit them anymore. Yes, you are confident enough to carry forward, knowing that your skills and expertise qualify you. That whatever is coming to you in that moment you have more than earned and deserve to have happening to you. But, the heat that comes to you from those you expected to be your advocates is startling and throws you. It leaves a little residual doubt that can build momentum and sit over you, casting a shadow that you must out run. Why would someone want to live with these mental scars tormenting them so frequently? Part of it is motivation and the other part is to remind you. People ain’t shit sometimes. And most times they only want you for what the fuck you can give them. And you do happen to stumble upon a real ass person. You better keep them for as long as their season is. Soak up all the resources that they provide and reciprocate that shit as hard as they give it to you.

I struggle with these demons every day. And the sad part is just as much as I felt high and in the clouds after such a dynamic and positive meeting. The minute I dropped the call my mind went racing and wandering. Questioning if what just happened was real. Wondering why the energy I’ve given in other places isn’t being returned back. Thinking if I’m leaving myself open to be fucked again and I just can’t see it yet. I know, I shouldn’t be thinking like that at this moment. But man, after being fucked over as much as I have, I can’t help but to. A madness that just keeps spinning.

Talk to me

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Black Excellence

I often wondered just how deep did White hate go for Black excellence. And while I haven’t gotten to the full extent of it, having done research for the past two months, it is crystalized in my mind that they hated Us. I mean damn, if you take some time and look into the annals of history, you find that there are sooo many successful Black entrepreneurs. You see the success of a Maggie Walker, C.C. Spaulding, Dr. Aaron Moore, John Merrick, Walter Edwards, Granville T . Woods, Henry Boyd, Francois and Julien Lacroix, Jean Baptiste and Augustin Metoyer, Lucy McWorter, Henrietta S. Duterte, Elleanor Eldridge, CeCee Macarty, Marie Thereze Coincoin and so on. I can continue to list the names of Black male and female entrepreneurs in the annals of history. So many that it disgusts me to see just how under-represented and under-reported Black business history is and has been. What it does is make crystal clear just how much White America feared and despised Black people.

I said that I was going to be writing a series of stories to promote and uplift the Black community, and in particular the Black business community. See what was known about Slavery and Jim Crow doesn’t really begin to tell the detailed story about just how perverse and intentional White America was with belittling, devaluing, embarrassing, delegitimizing, suppressing, dehumanizing and disenfranchising Black people. Did you know that back during the Antebellum South days, because of the laws on the books that didn’t recognize Blacks as people and citizens of this country, if a Black slave invented something they could not get patent credit for it. The credit for the invention went to the White Slave owner. History has shown that Blacks invented many things that we use today. Maybe, just maybe some of the credit given to White men for creating inventions we consider revolutionary, doesn’t belong to them at all. Because of the system of suppression and oppression and enslavement, Blacks never got their full credit for the things they invented.

I think back to the free Blacks and the Slaves during Colonial times in the United States and I wonder how they really felt about having to scratch and claw for everything they earned. Having their dreams and creations taken away from them. To have credit given to a White man who didn’t do a damn thing and you have to accept it because the laws and customs of the country precluded you from having your say. You couldn’t go to court, you couldn’t testify, you couldn’t hold political office. None of the levers of control you operated, you were just along for the ride. And yet, with knowing all of this they persisted. Black men and women didn’t quit when they were stripped of everything. When racist and prejudiced Whites destroyed their businesses and homes, they didn’t quit. When the Slave master raped women and forced them to have their babies, they didn’t quit. Black people kept fighting and kept finding ways to succeed in a country designed to destroy them.

Take a look at what happened in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Atlanta, Georgia, Chicago, Illinois, Harlem, New York, Durham, North Carolina. These places were epicenters of Black business ingenuity and success. Places where Blacks built significant wealth and showed themselves to be equal to their White counterparts. And places where Whites, disgusted and outraged that Black entrepreneurs were maintaining, and in most cases, significantly growing their wealth, that they had to destroy the business community. They had to try to eradicate the Black businessman and businesswomen. In Tulsa they effectively destroyed the Greenwood district. Although, little by little the descendants of that once thriving Black business district are working to try and restore the lore and prestige of that hallowed land. The Black business district in Durham, known affectionately as Hayti, is still producing quality, sustained Black business and the descendants of their once sprawling, thriving business district are working to lift it back to similar stature. After the Atlanta race riots, the city leaders didn’t back down and Black business has continued to boom in Atlanta and expand. It is thriving and continues to be a place that many potential Black entrepreneurs come to get their foot in the door. All these places Whites tried to destroy because it ran counter to the narrative they were so skilled and persistent with delivering to the masses of this country. That narrative being that Blacks were ignorant, we aren’t intelligent enough to establish and run successful businesses. That we can’t be trusted and that we are animals, barbarians that need to be contained and controlled.

These are the words used to describe us when Slavery was brought to this country and kept in tact for hundreds of years. The same refrain was used post Slavery, during Reconstruction, when Whites didn’t want to integrate freed Blacks into the economic, social, and political mainstream of America. This narration was used to justify the need for Jim Crow Laws in the South and Segregation in the North. These reasons were used when the New Deal was being crafted, made law and excluded Blacks because of Southern insistence that Whites were superior to Blacks. This refrain was used during the Civil Rights Movement to explain why it was okay to allow police dogs to maim Black people. To explain why lynching Black people wasn’t a crime and why it was humane, because we were animals with no souls and we deserved this treatment. It is used today when Whites want to try and delegitimize the push by the Black Lives Matter Movement because we refused to protest in the manner they thought we should. Because they want to change the dynamics and don’t want to accept White talking points with little action.

Let me be clear here, notice I have not separated White groups in this writing. Because all iterations of the Republican and Democratic parties have been racist, prejudicial and demeaning to the Black community. Neither party has truly followed through on the promises of full equality for the Black community. Reparations is something that needs to happen. Look at history with a clear eye and you can see that, damn what these dumb asses say. Let that Booker T Washington mind set go. Proving your success doesn’t get you shit but more challenges if you’re Black. The race can’t continue to be ran when we’re starting a mile behind. Business equality still isn’t any closer to a reality than it was at the end of Slavery, and every era that followed. Consumer equality has never existed in this country, despite the half assed laws on the books that aren’t stringently enforced. I want this to be a clear message: History has never been fully, nor correctly told by White America or by the mainstream media of America. If you want to earn the trust of the Black community and want our support, start by fully supporting us. Give us an equal bite at the apple and level the playing field. Then, you might just stand a chance at earning back the trust that has been destroyed at your own hands.

Speak to me America.

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, real talk, Sex

Raw or strapped.. Pull out or leave it in?

Ahhh… sometimes I have to go back to the topics that bring the most controversy and sparks so many different opinions. Whether you leave your opinions on the blog or you discuss with your friends, this is one of those topics where everybody has an opinion and, usually, they’re very strong in one direction or another. I know that sex is a big taboo topic that many still don’t like to talk about or even really be honest about. You know me.. I love to discuss these things. I think it makes things so much easier when you’re open and honest with yourself and others, that you want to sleep with, about your sex life. Too many people try to pretend to be one way, when often times they want to let their inner freaks be on display. I’m not one of those people. So I’m to going answer the questions put forth in the title and then pose more thought provoking questions or statements as I go.

Me personally, I prefer to have raw sex. I don’t know when that really changed for me, but there use to be a time when if someone suggested that to me I would look at them like they were crazy. The only exceptions I made to that rule was when I was in a relationship with someone. I also was very reluctant to have hookup sex with people too. I was more interested in knowing a little about the person before we got it in. But somewhere in my mid twenties that changed. I guess it was because I was use to being in a relationship with one guy and so all I had was raw sex. So that feeling just got stuck on me and I didn’t want to feel it any other way. Even after getting out of relationships I still had that desire to want to get in that ass raw and feel that warmth and tightness and wetness of the walls on me. I think in some respects being gay helps with that mindset. Yes, there are some concerns because of the std’s and HIV in the gay community, but there is the comfort of knowing that if I fuck a dude raw and nut inside him, I can’t make no baby as a result. LOL

And, I don’t like to pull out either. For some reason I feel that the big payoff after digging in some guts raw is to just bust that fat nut deep inside that hole. Now in truth I don’t mind if I have to pull out because I get it, not everyone likes to feel that nut inside them. They may like having unprotected sex but don’t want to get semen inside them. That’s not a deal breaker and usually I just shoot it all on the back and ass. No big deal still got to feel all that booty juice on my dick. It’s just something that turns me on even more every time I bet ready to put my dick in a guy knowing that I’m about feel all inside him naturally. It makes some really amazing sex moments happen when you get to feel it like that too. The orgasm the bottom gets is intense and the tension and friction on the dick is crazy good. Makes that nut so much more pleasurable.

Now I know for the straight world it’s a little more consequences that comes with gettin some cookie raw. You have to be mindful of the ease with which that woman can get pregnant and also how potent yo sperm is. I get why so many are so cautious and take all the necessary steps to prevent unwanted or unintentional pregnancies. You have so much more to think about when deciding to let that guy hit raw or to give that dick to a girl raw. Now again, there are some who don’t care and don’t mind having to do things after to make sure no babies come. You also have those women who be trying to trap guys by letting them get in it skin to skin and letting them skeet inside them so they can have they baby. Or, to get the money to abort it. I understand why those conversations are a lot harder to have and why women and men get so mad when one or the other creates a situation where they do it raw when they don’t want to.

So many choices and so many consequences no matter whether you gay or straight. You have to consider all the potential health ramifications and the medical after effects of having unprotected sex. No matter if it’s aborting or killing a pregnancy before it gets started or catching an STD or worse if you are gay. Those things can’t be taken lightly and you have to make sure that you’re okay with the outcomes of what you have to do. More importantly than anything, just be open and honest with yourself. I think more sexual relationships suffer because the two people aren’t honest with themselves. Once you accept what you like and what you don’t compromise on, then you can find better sexual matches for yourself and matches for yourself overall.

So there are the questions to be answered.. Do you like it raw or strapped? Pull out or fill that hole up? Talk about to me.. Have discussions with your friends and significant other if you have one.

Leave a comment Posted on love, real talk

A Grandmothers Love

If you know me then you know that I have no problem expressing myself. I speak my mind, and make no apologies about how controversial or unpopular my opinion or belief is. The goal is to get it out in the universe, and to provoke discussion. Sometimes though, it’s hard for me to really let out some of the more deeply personal and emotional thoughts. They push my mind to a tiring point and makes me feel like I’ve just fought in a war. Today is one of those days. This post is one of those posts, but it must be written either way. Take a seat and read along. I think many will be able to relate and feel free to respond if you like.

Today I pay tribute to one of the most important people in my life. Even though you’re gone and it’s now been two years, I am still so heavily impacted by the imprint you left on my life. I am saddened by not being able to hear your voice and call and talk to you for hours on Sunday, like we use to do. Today, and the days leading into this day, is so difficult for me. I so badly wish I could call you and make you laugh. Better yet, you making me laugh with all the stories of who’s done what and what you think about the things that some of the family is doing. I can only imagine how much fun you’re having up there. Able to see your husband and your closest friends. I know the games of Spades, Tunk and Deuces are epic. I know how much cash shit you talking too.. LOL.. especially if they’re beating you at your favorite games.

I know that you’re looking down and can see how much progress I’m making, but I wish you were here so I could call you and tell you just how much I’ve done. To hear in your voice the happiness and excitement for me because I was promoted into a management position. To know that I’m going back to school and am dedicated to continuing the journey that I’ve started. I know that if you were here and found out about these two major accomplishments, nobody would be able to tell you nothing. I’m sure different family members would be tired of hearing you talking about me and others would be just as happy as you are. You know one thing I could always count on, is you being overly excited for the things that accomplished. No matter how small it was, you always made sure to let me know that you knew about it and was proud of me for working hard to accomplish my goals. You always made me feel like I could do anything whenever we talked and you always encouraged me to keep pushing for all the things I want.

Even though sometimes we would have tense conversations, mostly because you were always a roaring lion of a Leo, and I was the stubborn, strong ram of an Aries. I would always smile when our phone calls ended. I would have never thought that they were coming to an end so soon. I don’t really want to give anyone that special gift of having a Sunday ritual talk like we use to have. It just doesn’t feel right and they wouldn’t make me feel as good as you do. I’m constantly sharing some of your classic one liners that you use to give me. Or telling fun stories that we’ve had. I’m trying to always be the man that you raised me to be. To continue to be authentic to myself and as you always told me, I’m not accepting any wooden nickels or no cardboard dimes. LOL. You never left me feeling unsure about how much you loved me. And for that I’ve always been thankful and appreciative.

Emotionally I’m all over the place. Sometimes I smile and have plenty of energy, other times I’m just spaced out and not sure that I want to do anything or be bothered by anyone. I know you wouldn’t want me to be sad and I try hard not to be, I just miss my grams and it still doesn’t feel right without you here. I’m learning to be better with it and I’m making sure I take care of my momma as much as I can, being that we’re still in different states. I miss you so much and I love you with all my heart. I hope you always knew just how much I appreciated you and was attached to you. These days are a struggle sometimes, but I am always reminded of just how strong you were and I try to let that live inside of me every day, Thank you for everything and I love you so much.

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Fears equals Failures

Try if you might to think of a time in life when you let your fears get the best of you. You were attempting to make major change in your professional career, or maybe personally you wanted to move to a completely foreign place. Perhaps you found someone you wanted to invest your time and energy into, or you wanted to take a substantial financial risk in hopes it paid off for you. Now for those of you who have always taken that leap of faith, or you found the courage to take it eventually, when you look back at it do you have a full understanding of why you let your fears make you a failure for those particular challenges that you neglected to act upon? I ask this question because when I talk to people and they tell me things they want to do or people they’re interested in, it’s amazing how quickly they will justify the reason or reasons why they didn’t go after it. Most times failing to realize that it comes down to fear. Being paralyzed by the idea of failing, made them a fail in their desire. We all know that you never get what you want if you don’t try. You also don’t find out if that thing or person is really a fit for you if you’re not putting your energy or effort into the matter.

It seems to be the most frequently talked about and known cliché thrown around and yet we still have so many folks who struggle to get out of their own way to go after that dream or goal or situation that might turn their lives from being ok, or decent, or solid and turn it into a life that is fulfilled and great. Greatness really isn’t something that you’re born with. You can be born into privilege or opportunity. You can be born into disadvantage or struggle, but it all amounts to just how much you’re willing to put yourself out there. I don’t know why this became the topic of discussion today in this post, but it just feels like I’ve come across so many people of late who have so many big dreams, goals or wants and just aren’t willing to get out of their own heads to take the risk of going for it. People who want to move out of the state they reside and move elsewhere, scared of leaving family or of being in a place they aren’t familiar. People who want to change professions that aren’t willing to push themselves and put their resume out for new opportunities. People who want to be on television, but not utilizing their resources to be discovered. People who want to sing, and instead of pursuing the goals blame others for their downfall.

I hope people really understand that it’s not about who didn’t do this or that for you. It’s not about what you don’t have that someone else does. It often comes down to who wants it the most. Who is willing to fail in order to get better. learn and go after that goal or dream again. If you want to be happy and inlove and married, you have to be willing to get your heart broken in order to get the love of your life. If you want to be a professional athlete, you have to be willing to get cut or be a backup in order to go after your dream of making it and being a main piece of the puzzle. Whatever it is you want to do, you have to be willing to make mistakes, be willing to fail, be willing to be critiqued so that you can be better and obtain what it is that you want. I will never understand why someone will let themselves settle all because you don’t want to take a chance. Or because you don’t want to be alone. If you’re giving the right energy, truth is you will never really be fully alone. Because people will continue to gravitate towards you, because you have energy that is magnetic.

Success and failure is as simple as risk versus reward. If you’re willing to risk it, you’re willing to reap all the reward of the energy and effort that you are putting into whatever it is that you’re doing. Be the next President of the United States, the next Governor of your state, the next Senator, the next astronaut or military General. Discover the cure to cancer and the cure to HIV/AIDS. All the things that are out there to achieve are only possible if you’re willing to fall and fail. If you are willing to be vulnerable in order to get people to invest in your journey. Take the chance, take the risk. Be bold, be confident and be resolved. If you do all of those things, you will get to what you want. Talent is part of it, mentality is the other part of it. Go strong and don’t let fear make you fail.

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White History, No Problem.. American History Problem!

One way to really get a Conservative White person mad.. tell them that you’re going to teach Critical Race Theory in history classrooms across this country. I mean that will “chap their ass” faster than anything. See from everything that I keep reading, and seeing on this topic, so many parents are outraged that schools want to teach real American history, and not this hyper Patriotic bull shit they taught for so many years. They make the Civil War seem so Black and White, when it wasn’t. They love to make it seem like it was a choice for us to be in this country. And conversely, they make it seem to so easy for us to just leave the country and go back to our motherland. Knowing that the resources have been depleted heavily and the access to good and quality healthcare isn’t the same. Maybe if you give us back all the gold and minerals and resources back that were taken when we were enslaved we can leave this country is peace.

I am always tickled when the discussion comes to teaching real American History just how much White folks get mad at that idea. They love to say that the way history has been taught for decades is just fine, why do we want to further divide our kids and this nation. It is my opinion that this fucking country has always been vastly divided because of the poor and distrustful way that American history has been taught in classroom through history books in this country. The fact that White people get credited with so many inventions, yet they love to tell the stories of how they had they slaves, Black people, making and building everything. If that is the case then how the fuck can they be responsible for all of these inventions? Yes, I think there is a big fuckin omission in history, as presently told, for the full contributions of Black people in this country. I also think that history is slightly distorted when discussing the Civil War. Yes, in part the war was over the North and South trying to “free” the slaves, but to be clear many of those in power in the North owned slaves as well as. There were and still are portions of the North that weren’t very friendly to Black people. Yet that doesn’t really get covered much in the telling of American history in classrooms across this nation either.

I get very annoyed when I hear so many of the supposed to be outraged parents spewing ignorance because they don’t want their children to be taught equality. They just want them to be brainwashed to thinking that how history has been told is the only way. That their people had a moral struggle to determine what was the right thing to do and in the end only they made the decision to free Black people during that Civil War. Then they casually gloss over the fact that even after being “freed” we still had to deal with Jim Crow and Segregation. We still had to deal with “separate but equal”. Which we know full damn well won’t shit equal about that time period equal. They’re satisfied with there being only that weak ass month in February for Black History. That is enough in their minds. They don’t really want the true trails and challenges put before Black people to become known. Because if we do that, then they have to accept that they were racist and prejudice. They have to answer questions from their children as to why they treated us unfairly. They would have to come to grips with the wrong doings of their Grandfathers or Grandmothers. Great grandparents that may still be living and they can’t do that.

They want to preserve their history and the place that their families have in the rich story that is America. They don’t want to look at the facts that they took the land from the Native Americans and forced them to retreat to smaller plots of land throughout the country. They don’t want to accept the fact that they brought and traded people for use and to pay off debts. Indentured Servants was something that was very pervasive and popular during and through slavery. Human Trafficking, the crime as it is today, was legal and practiced without prejudice then. Imagine having to explain to your child why their grandparents or great grandparents were selling people to each other to be used for labor and to rape in order for them to have their babies. They don’t want to discuss how because of the slave trade and the raping of the resources from Africa, how America became an even stronger power and dominant nation. Telling the full arc of American history requires busting through that façade that American has always been a place for the displaced and down trodden. That may have been the case for some ethnicities, but for Black people, this was the place where we were forced to live and be prisoners. The place where we made and developed so many things, but weren’t allowed to have ownership or possession of them. This is place where when we figured out how to run their system better than them they burned our shit to the ground. Making sure that we would have a much harder time trying establish and maintain generational wealth for our families and communities.

The thing about history is if you don’t know it and learn it, then you are doomed to repeat it. But what happens when they erase your history from the books. What happens when they take your stories and make them into their own because they control the machine. They run the system so they can always make the narrative fit into the imagination that they have planned out in their minds. Only recently has there been a movement to become more real with the history of this nation. Telling stories as the facts really bare them out. Acknowledging that race is, was and always will be a divisive force in this country until it is sufficiently acknowledged and atoned for by those who put us in this position. The day may come where we have to address these dark underbellies of American history and I hope instead of running from it or getting defensive and wanting to destroy facts and truth of history, we give the kids a chance to know the truth. We give the nation a chance to learn the truth and come together. Maybe then we can heal some of what has always ailed this nation. Accept the truth, put truth to power and then maybe American history won’t be so toxic to discuss in all it’s glory and all it’s failure.