The #MeToo Triple Standard

Yea, I’ve decided I’m going to take on this topic and the movement, but not how u necessarily think. I’m going to give the filler needed to understand the argument I’m about to make because some aren’t going to like it.

Let me begin by saying that as a human and a person with a heart, thou some say I don’t, I am all in support of and for the movement. We need this. We need to have a wreckening for women’s right and the damage that men have done to them in this country. This movement is critical to the development of a more equal America.

Now, having said that lets examine my triple standard for this movement. The first standard is for the woman who has currently or recently, let’s say the last 5 years, experienced sexual assault. There is strong and palpable appetite for their story and their experience. There is a desire to get her out there to be heard nd understood, to have her pain felt.

It goes without saying that there is still a vast under reporting of sexual assault but the numbers are increasing and bravo for that. The fact that so many women are presenting themselves and being taken credibly is amazing and needed in this country. There is little shaming being done to these women. They are the fresh blood that activists are looking for to continue the cause and the movement

Now the second standard are the old abused women. The women who have hidden their past from the world. Dealt with the shame and hurt. The betrayal and the embarrassment. These women are seen as credible but not significant. I’ve heard so many times idiots saying why did they wait so long. Why wasn’t there a report made. Why doesn’t she remember every detail. Why did she wait until now. She must want to embarrass her abuser.

We’ve heard all this before and it sounds idiotic and still out of touch. It brings back the shame and ridicule all over again. Now they have to question themselves once again. Be subject to the whims of people judging them for their silence more than supporting them for their bravery. Let’s remember that when something destructive and emotional happens to you, one either embraces it tries to bury it away from memory. Why would this be any different.

I’m tired of hearing people question the legitimacy of a woman who has come forward about being attacked years ago, because they can’t understand or have compassion for her situation. Maybe if you were violated in the most invasive way, you would understand more. That’s the world we live in. You only understand once it impacts your life. It’s a sad commentary.

The third standard is the person accused of such acts. We are such a divided nation that we don’t even apply the same standard to the men accused of assaulting these women. We will be quick to demonize and incarcerate a black attacker. We want to make an example out of them because they’re the worst kind. Their white counterparts thou, they need to be handled with care and caution. Let them disappear and attempt to rehabilitate their image.

I wonder Why as the older the woman is the more challenging it is for their to be taken serious and credible until they have someone who validates their story. Why is it for the younger women they given the benefit of the doubt so quickly but doubted if they don’t recall all details or accused of being complicit if they did anything to entice the situation, even if unintentional.

Finally, why do we still have such a disparate justice bar for the black and white man when it comes to crimes committed against women in this country. Let’s discuss it all.

Nike on the Front Line

So Nike has come with a new campaign in support of Colin Kapernick’s decision to kneel for the playing of the anthem and the other various forms of protest that NFL players have participated in over the past two plus seasons.

I’m sure by now you have either seen it or heard of it. I saw the ad and what it says. I also understand the head of Nike’s marketing campaign says the ad was designed to target 15 to 17 year old kids, to get them engaged.

The message of the ad is a simple one. Stand for something, even if it means it costs you everything. Now that’s a very strong and powerful message to send out to young people. Hell it’s a strong message to send to all people. Adults could use that line ad a method of reflection and motivation.

Now, while I understand some of the bad taste it has put in the mouths of some, I want to take a minute to break this down so there is clear understanding. The purpose of the ad is to get people active and engaged in a cause they believe in. It is strongly worded and provocative and love it. We need these types of bold messages to get thru. The point is a damn good one. Stand for something. Find a passion you have and be willing to go the distance for it. Allow yourself to be challenged and pushed for the cause of your life.

There have been protests by players that have been respectful and appropriate, yet people are trying to vilify these humans, who are athletes, because they are exercising their rights granted to them. Nike and their brass decided to join in the cause. I applaud them for deciding to stand for something.

I heard a reporter, Jason Whitlock, of Fox Sports bash the ad and the company, questioning if parents would say the same thing to their children that Nike is saying. I find Jason to be much like the other hypocritical masses that will privately tell their children to be independent and love with a purpose and passion, yet now want to berate Nike because they made an ad basically saying as such.

They just chose to be more bold in their word choice, but the message is clear and damn right it needs to be said. To answer Mr. Whitlock, yes my folks would say the same because the context of the message is what we’ve been taught for years. Damn it, I’m tired of people being cowards and bitching up when a company decides to stand with a cause that is making people uncomfortable because it’s shining a light on issues that are real and exist.

Bravo! Nike, I say stand strong behi nd athletes who take their voice and influence seriously and call attention to issues that need to be addressed. Like Serena Williams, LeBron James, Kevin Durant and many others have said, the protests work when you make people uncomfortable about things you know are injust.

America find a cause important to you. Find a cause that you’re willing to stick your neck out for and burn that bitch down making that cause, and the solutions to your cause become reality.

The Darkness Within

One of the biggest lessons behind the latest push for mental health awareness is that just because someone smiles nd looks like they have it all under control doesn’t mean there isn’t a time bomb ticking beneath the surface. It’s one of the most under appreciated illnesses in the world, much less the United States.

Someone who has depression issues or anxiety issues or struggles with bipolar disorder isn’t always taken as seriously as the illnesses nd disorders we can see. That’s the danger in all of this. If u don’t take the time to check on those u care about nd pay attention to things u see that may be out of the ordinary for that person u may be losing a friend nd never know it.

No one person has all the same reactions nd behaviors. The struggle with these issues are well documented nd they have only been magnified with the high profile suicides lately who were struggling with some of these issues. The difficulty is that these issues are deeply personal nd getting someone to open up who’s struggling is hard because there is a feeling of helplessness nd worthlessness.

The challenge is getting the person to accept that they have an issue that needs to be addressed. That’s something that takes support, love but also someone who has or is going thru it that can get on ur level nd let u know it’s ok to admit u need help nd that ur not mentally well.

There is a darkness that comes over anyone who struggled or struggles with these issues nd u can’t just assume u can handle it on ur own. Seek help, find positive outlets nd influences, learn to love urself nd day by day u can lift the darkness within.

If you need to talk then lets discuss

A tribute to Dad’s

As I sat this today trying to determine how to pin this I realized that simple nd factual will be the orders of the day. I looked up the definition of a father. And at its core it too is simple nd basic. A father means a male who created a child. I then looked up dad and that word means a father who is active present nd raises his child or children.

Today we celebrate Fathers Day. At its most basic principle we celebrate men who created children. But in reality what we are really celebrating are Dad’s. Today is really Happy Dad’s Day. And if you are fortunate enough to have that kinda figure in your life then you pay some type of tribute to him.

A dad is what many of us seek nd hope we have in the man who helped to create us. We look for that man yo guide nd lead us, mold us into young men nd then into being a grown man. We look to him to protect us and be firm yet loving during our growth in life. He is the man some want to be like.

The truth is many in the Black community nd specifically the Gay community don’t have biological dad’s. We have biological father’s nd then dad figures along the way. Be it a grandfather or a gay father or a mentor or coach or brother or cousin. Someone who treated us like a son irrespective to what sex we chose to lay with in life.

The sad truth is that for many in the community today is not necessarily a fond day like Mothers day. It’s a time where we usually have those lingering questions pop in nd out of our brains. It’s where we recommit to being a better dad than ours, if we have children, nd it’s a time where we reflect nd give thanks to whatever figure we have to call dad in our lives.

For anyone who has a real dad that they call father today honor them. Love on them, tell them you appreciate them. Make them know that they are as loved as they love u nd u are as grateful for them as they are for having the chance to raise u.

For one thing is certain the legacy of your dad, father, lives they whomever they imparted their life of devotion to. Because you become their image.

God bless every man that’s a father who is a dad. Happy Dad’s Day to you all.

The Ethos is Your Friend.. If u let it be

So many times people think that the world is against them because they’re going through some struggles. Because times are hard. When the reality is that the Ethos is designed to work in your favor but you can tilt nd alter that with your words, actions nd energy. When someone puts something negative in the air about its up to u whether or not u give it the energy to breathe. When you allow negativity to get energy then your path can change.

As I have said and will continue to say you will not be able to fully understand yourself nor the plan that is destined for you if you don’t allow urself to connect to the Earth nd let it guide u. Contrary to pessimistic belief you definitely are designed to have the Ethos in your favor.

If you take time to learn about yourself you learn that you are a compilation of the energy in the world. Affected differently by the arrangements of the stars, moons, and planets. We as a people need to learn more about ourselves. You get to have more knowledge nd love for urself. One is never perfect.

I truly think that at some point in time completion is achieved with a connection through the Earth. Think about nd tell me bout it

Roses Smell Like Boowoowoowoo

Thank u Outkast for the opening for this blog. Lol, this title to me is very important to delve into. So many people are out here living like they the best thing since electricity. They get so caught up n looking pretty or handsome nd forget that part of sex appeal is how u act.

Aint nothing worse than meeting someone who looks good but they personality be shit nd they have the nerve to act like they shit dont stank. Being attractive don’t give u a pass to be a bitch, dick, or asshole. Yes it usually mean you have more attention nd followers. People spend more time starring nd gawking at you. But does that mean you give people your ass to kiss? Does that mean u have to carry urself as though ur beyond reproach?

Even if u not cute nd u full of confidemce, thats beautiful that u are self confident nd loving of urself but that dont mean u gotta be extra nd aggy with your self praise. Roses have thorns nd they still smell like shit at the end of the day lol. Beautiful to look at but all that great to the smell.

I think we all could use a lil humility drink just to remind us all that there is a balance to life. Be confident in u. Feel great u nd ur accomplishments. Take time to appreciate urself. Just dont be a bitch about it.

Remember, I know u like to think yo shit dont stank but lean a little closer cuz roses really smell like boowoowoowoowoo. Lmao

Talk to me

The American Royal Wedding

I told my friend who asked me the other day that I was not gone wake up at 4am ET to watch the Royal Wedding. True to myself I didn’t. Yet I did find myself watching the nd the replays and commentary from the wedding on CNN.

I must admit I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the Dutchess of Essex had a Gospel Choir in attendance to serenade her and the Prince. She made such a beautiful bride. Her dress was georgous nd fitting of the occasion. They looked as happy as the ceremony was grandeous.

It was the comments of the panel assembled on CNN that stirred my mind nd thats what I’m diggin deeper into today. Leave it to my boy Don Lemon to provide wordly perspective on the most hyped wedding this year. He said it so well: At a time when the US is so divided nd the World is in chaos we have a wedding that brings hope of change because its inclusive nd focused on love.

The history of this moment is not lost on those looking beyond the fashion nd A List celebrities. An American marrying into the Royal Family. The greatest ally we have nd one of oldest Establishments in the world. And no less important that the woman marrying into this Dynastical family is a mixed race Black woman.

Let that sink in. The Royal Family has been known as an all White Privilege society. And while the Dutchess is only one we have already seen how she nd Prince Harry nd the young guard plan to operate. They are an inclusive bunch nd time will tell how much change comes to England.

During the analysis of the ceremony, the optics nd people there Don mentioned that this was change. A Black Bishop delivering lively remarks nd echoing King. A Gospel Choir delivering beautiful perfomances nd leaving that Chapel mesmorized. Things never seen at a royal wedding. One of the English pa elists said she felt the Gospel Chour, while they were quite amazing, was uncomfortable nd out of place for a Royal Wedding.

I think she is systematic of the problem in England. My question is why the fuck are they outta place. Cuz they Black. Cuz they sing music with passion nd flair? Cuz it foreign to all you Brit elite bitches? It sounds very prejudical and radically short sighted. This point was proven when about 30 minutes later when the panel was reflecting again. This same woman said the song choice, Stand By Me, was befitting for both as they’ve both had major struggles in their lives nd they found that one who will Stand by them.

It was in that moment when she reflected within nd she began to tear up thinking of the symbolism nd message of the song nd the choir singing it. And it was there she acquiesced nd said that maybe the song nd voices chosen to sing it were perfect.

Change doesn’t come over night nor does it come when we look subjectively thru what is to be an objective lens. America and the World knows inclusivity is the way nd Black is beautiful and always fits in whatever surrounding you place it in. Congratulations Prince and Dutchess party on!

Tragedy Repeated

People must know that I’m very supportive of gun rights in this country. As a licensed gun owner I don’t want to see the Right to Bear Arms taken away. Having said that the shit needs to be changed.

In having the debate over gun control in the wake of another mass killing, this time in Sante Fe, Texas I’m reminded of the position many of our gutless Republican politicians took following Parkland nd Las Vegas. When the fuck will it be time to deal with the gun control conversation. How many teenagers need to get their hands on guns nd senselessly kill their classmates before we say enough. How many perverse grown men do we need mass murdering us before we say no more.

This is not a new conversation but damn it it’s a society changing one that must be had now. We can’t just continue to sit nd wait hoping the bull shit bandaids our leaders put in place hold over. They arent working nd the wound is about to gush.

I sat nd saw the Presidents words yesterday when he learned of the shooting nd honestly it pissed me the hell off. For all of his bluster about being the best President nd not being hostage to Party lines.. Which we kno is bullshit cuz he’s already hostage to Russia.. I did think for a moment after Parkland that Trump would “Do Something” but that was not to be.

As a former High School teacher I am hurt, sad, mad and disturbed that educators can’t teach without the fear of being killed in the classroom. I’m even more disgusted that the children of today can’t learn nd develop their skills for leading without fear of being killed in the classroom. What kinda soceity are we living in nd creating. There is a major link missing from our discourse that is damaging us, the Millennial Generation.

As we now exist in the technology age, gone are the days where kids go outside nd play. Where after doing school work you wanted to be out with your friends. Instead its all computer nd cell phone based. While social media has helped spark change nd exciting new movements, it has also created an age of isolationism nd social bullying that is dismantling the confidence nd minds of young people.

Truth is that guns have been around for ages nd we never had the issues like we do now. This ain’t no foreign terrorist shit either; this is home grown Americans. Young white people nd old white people mostly on these mass killings. Black men. Young nd old in their neighborhoods needlessly killing. We must address our culture nd our system. We must address the ease with which guns are obtained. It’s time to stop sleeping on the issue nd be the leaders that we profess to be. We are the only developed nation with gun control issues of this magnitude. Yet we claim to be the most sovern.

The answer isn’t to look tp Trump nd his allies. The answer is not going silent. Keeping the movement started by those Parkland kids alive. Don’t let this go dark. Keep the light shinning.

God Bless the people of Sante Fe nd those who lost loved ones nd those injured. We are all one people.

A tribute to you

There is no greater experience in my mind than becoming a parent for the first time. To kno you have created a being that will be in your likeness. That will have your blood in its bubb veins. To see the first smile, hear the first cry, witness the first steps, hear the first words and the list goes on.

These are some of the early joys of watching a life u helped create learn the new world they exist within. To hear their little heart beat. To see the innocence in them. To hear the first time they say I love you daddy. What a special gift. To have a son for any man gay or straight is a prideful thing. To know your heir is here.

Now imagine being told you’re going to be a father and then four months later that gift is taken away. Then imagine being told the real reason why your son isn’t here.. Because the person carrying your child killed him. No notice given to you and the only explanation is its my body nd I do what I want.

Just because the relationship ends doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be an involved nd constantly present dad. Having a child is a want of mines. So to have been so close only to have it snatched away in devastating fashion has fucked with me since finding out nearly two weeks ago.

The pain is unexplainable. The hurt is paralyzing and the thoughts are debilitating. I never wanted to kno this feeling. To be on the doorstep of fatherhood only to have spite and jealousy take that away. It hurts so bad every day. It’s just one more thing that makes u question yourself. It puts u in a constant state of hurt yet the show must go on

So to you my unborn son, Jeremiah Solomon Reynolds. I wish u peace as u never got to take a breath on this Earth. Daddy loved u beyond any measure u will kno. The tears that fall don’t console my heart. My love for u is always there.

This is my tribute to u.

Drop a line nd lets talk about it

A broken soul

Damn it Im back and it feels good. My absence from my release vice has been killing me. So much to write about. So many thoughts to lay down.

The hardest thing to do when ur reviving urself from a difficult relationship is to manage the emotions and pain you feel. People will constantly try to tell u to just move past it cuz you’ve survived it but bitch do u kno what the fuck I went through? Most likely not which means fuck u saying just push past it. Ive gotta heal and restart all over again.

See there is so much emotional damage that comes from a breakup. If you had any sort of trauma or extreme challenges there’s more damage done. It all adds up. The longer you were together the harder it is too. It makes u question yourself. You have doubt and all types of thoughts eating away at you. When you experience so of the extremes of a relationship you also lose track of yourself. You find yourself searching for answers and for who you are.

You lose friendships and distance yourself to protect you and those you care for from the madness and destruction. Not knowing that you’re really tearing yourself apart in the process. Yet you find the strength from God to continue on until you find the will nd power to walk away. But the damage is already done. You are destroyed and heart broken. You’re left to pick up the pieces of your heart nd soul to put it back together again.

That’s where the doubt and disbelief set in. It’s when the depression and hatred set in. It’s where you question your existence and purpose. Its where the dark cloud rests. Trying to find the desire to move on. The levels pain fluctuate and only you can stop it.

Ask yourself can you stand and rebuild yourself again?

Speak ur mind nd lets discuss