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Trust Truth and Lies

Well.. I know that anybody who reads this has had encountered situations where these three words were front and center. Whether you had or have trust issues or you’ve been fed lies that shook your trust, or you kept getting a changing truth that made trust hard to give.

Something I can never understand is why gay niggas feel the need to lie, hide and play the role just to get acceptance from someone. To me that’s like the first rule of dealing and dating, don’t play the role just because. It makes everything become a question. It raises doubt about the legitimacy of the person and their intentions. It creates unnecessary tension, solely because you decided that you needed to have a backup plan or wanted to protect your spot somewhere.

It is a false premise and a foundation breaking situation. It makes people less likely to want to help you and to believe in what you say. I wanna question someone who chooses to operate in this manner. I want to know why do you feel that’s the best thing for you to do? Why do u think the other person shouldn’t be upset with you? Why do you feel that you should get defensive when the shit comes to light during discussion? It defies logic and reason. You lie and present a facade and think that your word should still be trusted? Who the fuck does that? It’s selfish and uncaring. It’s very disrespectful and wrong.

I get it that the world seems to think all decisions should be made to ensure self preservation and to avoid falling if you make a misstep. But the reality of the situation is that falling is part of life. Trying to mitigate that by manipulating a situation is wrong. It can cost you a good friend or more depending on how deep you play your role. It creates hard feelings, it creates distrust and usually that’s where friendships and relationships meet their grave.

I’ve always said I respect the person who tells the truth, even if it hurts or is uncomfortable. The authenticity with which we move is far more important than covering your ass with lies. Basically, it always catches back up to you too. The same way you moved to get next that individual will be the same way your shit gets exposed. No one deserves to have this happen, and when they do it’s not necessary to pay lip service either. Be a grown ass individual, own your shit and move forward. Accept your wrong and try to move forward repairing the damage you created.

Like I said, I will never fucking understand why people do this shit. If your that damn pressed for a backup, don’t do your primary option if there isnt a measure of certainty behind it. Talk to me y’all. Have u been through to it? Talk back to me

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ImpeachWhat

Yes, as with all other important topics of the day, I do have a very strong opinion on whether or not this President should be removed from office. As we are all well aware of Donald J Trump, 45th President of the United States became only the 3rd President to ever be Impeached. I’m sure Donald didn’t have this type of history in mind when he told office. Yet, here we stand.

Ironically enough I predicted this a couple years back when talking with friend about his Presidency. I said that I felt at some point in his first term he was going to be Impeached. I didn’t know what for, but just watching his first few months in office, it became clear that it was inevitable. Yes, that also means I figured that Democrats would win the house in the midterm elections in 2018, which they did. And I also saw this as the likely outcome as long as Republicans held the Senate. They would never remove Trump. Trump is too powerful a Republican figure to be taken down by mostly spineless Republican Senators.

Yes I have no problem calling a spade a spade. You all who were on the right were outraged at Clinton for lying under oath about gettin head from an intern in the Oval Office. But you’re not outraged, defiant and emboldened by a man who abused the power of his office to look up dirt on a rival? I struggle to find the differentiation except one was a Democratic President and the other a Republican President. The facts about this are clear in my opinion. If this was Barack Obama, it is my belief he would’ve been gone. Democrats would’ve understood the need to protect the democracy and Republicans would’ve salivated at the opportunity to get rid of the nation’s first black President.

We sit here and watch as the House Managers present a case that is definitive and clear. They paint the picture and leave no doubt. Yet, we know that whenever this is all done, Republicans are going to vote to acquit. Let’s have winds open eyes, open minds and clear conscious. Listen to the evidence. Listen to what is being told and be honest with your assessment. If you do, you know you must convict.

No matter where you stand or what ur affiliation is, we are truly in the midst of history. It’s something your kids and grandkids need to see and understand.

Talk to me and lets discuss

Leave a comment Posted on current events, real talk

We Are King

Today as we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I want us all to remember that we can be King. The premise of King’s legacy is that we all are capable of greatness, if we protect the basic tenants of freedom we all are entitled to. The inability for us to care for the well being of all races, nationalities and creeds is what makes King’s message still so relevant today.

We have activists and celebrities that are leading the charge forward. We have some politicians who are trying to legally advance the cause of equality and justice for all, but it’s not enough. For all of these people we have the prejudicial people, the racist people, the discriminating people. These are the things that are keeping us back as a people, as a nation.

See the reason that King’s message is so relevant is because today we have a President who spews racist, hateful, divisive rhetoric daily. We have a U.S. Senate full of individuals who refuse to take a stand against such behavior and verbal discourse. They turn a blind eye to the harmful discourse this President perpetuates because they want to keep their jobs.

We have a block of citizens who refuse to call bull shit on this President. They accept his idioms and boastful comments as him shaking up Washington D.C. and breaking from the norms, that they feel is necessary. When in reality it is a form of quiet racism and hatred that prevent us from becoming a better people. Why is it acceptable for us to allow for a political party to divide us as a nation? Is it because we are too comfortable being boxed into our circles that we can’t call out negativity.

King said Injustice anywhere is injustice everywhere. That should ring true in all walks of life. It should be true in all corners of this nation and society as a whole. King said that he had a dream that we would live in a world we won’t be judged by the color of our skin, but by the content of our character. We have not reached that dream just yet. We’re making progress but we’re still far behind.

That statement from King was momentous. We’re currently sitting in a place where we have seen the first black president, the first female candidate for president from a major party, we’ve seen the most diverse field for President by Democrats, but more work is needed. We need more inclusion in all areas, we need more accountability and empathy in this society. King wanted us to be that type of people where we move beyond the racial divisions and religious differences of people.

As we sit here today the first month of the decade of the 20’s, we’re still faced with many question from the past. Will we ever see true equality; racial, sexual, financial? I have a dream on this day.. I have a dream that we achieve the first woman president. I have a dream that we will see true equality for the LGBTQ+ community. I have a dream that black and brown people will take their place as equals, that all people from all creeds will stop being discriminated against. I have a dream that we will be able to love each other for who we are.

From whatever view you look upon. No matter if you are white or black, gay or straight, rich, poor or middle class, American, Asian, African, Muslim and all in between. Understand and know that this is still one nation. We ultimately will rise and fall on the unity amongst us all. So stop looking at the person who is different from you as a threat or challenge. Look at them as your brother and sister. Encourage, up lift and help one another. Do this and the dream of King and me and others will come true.

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An Endless Cycle

Today started as any other normal day. Wake up early, shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, start my truck, do my hair, fix my lunch and out the door I go. No matter if it’s raining, cold, windy or hot, this is my daily morning routine. In the office working, usually before most arrive, to get overtime on my check. It’s a blessing no mistaking that, but I’m tired. I work every day one job or both jobs. No rest for the weary, grinding trying to keep myself forward moving. I’m not tryna keep up wit nobody cuz that shit means nothing. Just trying to get ahead for myself.

But to me there in lies the problem and the solutions I’m just not sure how much I trust them. I have a job it pays my bills but the shit ain’t making me come up. I work a second job to me increase but them bitches bout to slice and make that pay drop. Which begs the question is it time to find another side hustle? That’s always the complicated part. A side job has restraints because it serves as a backup not primary. And yet because the money becomes good, you keep sacrificing because ur trying to find the next move to make.

In the midst of that challenge u get hit with all the other shit that life brings. Death of those close to you. Breakdowns, disappointments, lack of trust and the list goes on. It’s almost like existing to trick urself that the answer is just around the corner. It’s dealing with things just because u don’t have the energy and because u don’t call the shots, is ultimately pointless. The same shit day after day, very little variation in what the agenda is, just variety in how the mission gets accomplished.

It’s a byproduct of making bad choices and having unfortunate circumstances. Its battling back from the brink of destruction and possibly death to find parts of u that were ravished;while also accepting that ur broken and not sure if u will be fixed. It’s dealing with the demons that permeate ur thoughts at times. It’s knowing that ur labor rate is so much more than what u see twice a month and struggling to break out that box.

It’s always feeling the breakthrough near, but not quite being able to reach out nd snatch it. Feeling like the landmines continuously trip u up and u have to start from A or B again. Toiling in unnecessary situations only to get back to that point and repeat. The cycle seems relentless, wondering will it be broken. Will I ever attain the lofty goals and dreams. Not knowing which way to turn in order to make that needed, missing connection. What to do? How to do it?

Tired of hurting, feeling pain and grief. Unsure of what to do, how to move and when to move. They cycle goes on every day. It’s like a thriller, only you know the outcome and still it’s just as horrifying at times. You can see it coming from a distance. You can feel it coming like a dark, mysterious cloud. I just truly wonder how do we undue this cycle. How can the repetition be broken? I’m not sure just yet, but I’m tired and I was always told that u get sick and tired of being sick and tired, u make a change.

Stay tuned

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Justice isnt equal

I’m sure all of you who have heard of the former Dallas officer who shot and killed an unarmed, nonaggressive man in his home. I’m sure, also, you know the officer was white and female, while the victim was a black male. Asking me why this matters would ignore the obvious. We live in a world where young, black men are killed by white officers at alarming rates for just being black.

This situation to me is no different. She walked into that young man’s home, claims to have been preoccupied on the phone, startled when she saw him and shot him cold blooded in the chest. All he was doing was sitting on his couch eating ice cream. Now he is dead and she only got 10 years for her crime of Murder.

The bullshit here is if she were anywhere but his house l, I believe she would be free today. And if he were a white male or she a black female I’m sure her sentence would far more severe and punitive. Yes we all could read the tea leaves and see they were fucking. Just look at all the clues provided. There is no way a judge should have allowed a passion defense for her walking into the wrong fucking apartment and killing a man in cold blood. His house was unlocked, is that really what we do at home, expecting no one to come? He didnt mount any defense or struggle against her.

Say what want and there will be many who will. There is not sufficient justice here and until we recognize that White privilege is still an issue and cops have more mercy given than others, we will never have a fair and equal justice system. My heart bleeds for Mr. Jean’s mother, father and siblings. What happened to him and his family was a betrayal. No one thought she would get just 10 years. When you have people in jail on lesser drug charges for 20, 30 years. Wake up America we still have a major problem and we need to fix it.

Sound off. Talk back

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Sexual Trauma

Looking at that title you have no clue where this is going, and I’m pretty certain it’s not where you think it is. Buckle up and take it in.

Sexual assault is one of the most aggressive and harmful traumas one can suffer. It leaves scars, fears and pain that surface easily and lead to lots of silent suffering. When you have been violated in such a deeply personal manner it’s extremely difficult to share that experience. Primarily because there is a shame and embarrassment accompanied with the pain and hurt you feel.

If you’re a man who is sexually assulted those emotions and feelings are amplified because society doesn’t think it should happen to you. Especially if you’re an adult and if it does then you are instantly questioned to how you let it happen, or accused of wanting it initially. Well no matter man or woman, gay or straight, sexal assault is not the fault of the victim and you cannot further victimize the individual by making them feel responsible.

The truth is once you have that experience you are forever changed. You don’t have the same comfort with yourself or with people. In some cases you even more sexually promiscuous beacuse of the feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy you feel as a result. While for others, they become hyper sensitive introverts, that trust no one. Both of these conditions are reactions to pain and trauma that need care, concern and help with resolving.

As it says in the research any little altercation can trigger those memories and cause you to react, especially if you haven’t sufficently addressed those past pains. We need to be more attune to those we love and make sure to be sensitive to them when they speak. Or to anyone who asks you not to do something. We are a society that doesn’t like the word no, and when we are told no try to force our way to yes.

That behavior is destructive and dangerous. It’s very harmful and can make someone, already leary, very uncomfortable and defensive. We need more compassion and love for each other. We need to respect boundaries much more. Is fucking someone that deep that you’re willing to cause pain to someone? Whether you know the situation or not, once you are told not to do something or to wait, then you need to honor that request and that individual and wait.

There is a deep mental and emotional scar left behind after you’re assaulted. It damages you and makes you reserved about getting close with people. So take this to heart men and women. When someone says no it might not be cause they don’t you, it just might be cause they’re scared and you need to provide reassurance and security.

I myself am a victim and survivor of sexual assault. It has caused me to have a lot of wild thoughts, weird emotions and unstable reactions. People let’s be more accountable to and for each other. Always remember real love and genuine care overcomes a lot.

Talk to me

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Bitch yo breath

This will make you laugh but it will also make u say hell yea. Now there will be exceptions to what I’m about to say but in general this rule will always apply.

If you about to have sex and you know oral sex is included Bitch brush yo motha fuckin teeth. I should not smell a fuckin sewer coming out yo mouth when u giving me head. That means either you dont brush yo teeth or your mouth is just foul. Whatever the situation Fix It! That is one of the biggest turnoff ever. You can’t get in the mood if you smelling shit while getting head.

Let’s be real every person out there know if u tart asf or not. I dont think I’ve ever remembered a time like this where it was this potent or pungent. It completely ruined the whole mood and the shit was the ass was phat nice clean and pretty.

But because they wanted to suck they life away I couldn’t even keep myself into the shit. I tried to ease them off my dick so I could fuck, but they was just intent on sloppy toppy but it more like rotten toppy. And by time they finally gave it up, I was just disinterested.

So ultimately I grabbed my phone while n the middle of talking about food and slowly stroked trying to get hard, but also ok with the idea of busting to porn on Twitter while talking to this nigga. LMAO! And that’s exactly what I did. He had no knowledge of this. I was quiet, very little twitch and caught all that nut n my hand. Damn it was a lot too. I wiped it on the spread n his hotel room.

I fully re-engaged in the conversation, got dressed with him and left, disgusted and disappointed but I did get a nut lmao. Moral of this brief, funny but dead ass blog.. bitch brush yo fuckin teeth. I’m sure if anyone else went to fuck and that breath was still smelling like rotten eggs that ass went unpleased. You’re welcome. Grown ass men should never need to be told to brush you mouth. Nigga the whole damn mouth lmao. Listerine, peroxide and a salt water wash. Kill all the deadly ahit crawling n yo mouth.

Suffice to say once I got him, I scrubbed my dick wit warm water nd alcohol nd soap lmmfao. Enough said

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Bitch Grow Up

If there is one thing I really have low tolerance or patience for, it’s a whining, complaining ass individual, especially a man. Gay or not there comes a time when the babying, self pity, feel bad for me shtick grows old. And damn it the time has come.

You know being a gay father for me is something I take to heart, because they people that I accepted and grew up were young, impressionable and in need of that tough but caring love of a father. My sons are all grown men now. By grown I mean over age 25. They have been developed and now are now in more of an advisory father role. I don’t hold on too long like mothers do, lmao, I let them go to experience life with all the tools given to them.

They have all fell at different points, made mistakes and learned and grew into stronger men. Now as they are coming to the end of their twentys they’re working towards life time goals. Working on legacy building and story making. They’re doing what I always taught them, think of your goals beyond this gay world because a bigger world exists. But you know there is always that one and he has found out the hard way why his siblings always said daddy is mean sometimes.

Let’s be clear folks, I’m not mean but I just dont tolerate the bullshit and the deep self loathing. We all get put in tough situations and if you’re a black man from the inner city, well you know you good for at least 10 challenging situations before age 30. He is in the midst of these challenges and at 26 years old I expect you to have a foundation of conflict resolution and problem solving that is still missing. He has been my son since age 15. I have shielded him from some things when he was too young but let him be exposed as well as he aged. He got some very valuable life lessons and they gave him a thick skin and a humor that masks his true pain. But it also created a liar and a pity party person and an oversized child in the process. Primarily because his birth parents coddled him, giving him any and everything no matter if earned, but they didn’t really accept him as a gay man. His dad, like most black fathers, doesn’t accept it really and it shows that it bothers him. So I’ve always loves on him as much as I can so he knows he has that love he seeks. While not his real father I do my best to stand in that gap. But I need you to grow up!

Stop asking everybody for money every week and get a damn job and make some. Stop fucking around with college, that you’ve been in for 8 years and still dont have your bachelor’s degree. Stop being dumb and fucking the wrong dudes all the time. Dont get caught taking trips to other states to fuck and get stuck in that state. Stop blaming your mom and everyone else for your failures and downfalls. Accept responsibility, grow up and make changes.

Damn is it that hard for a person to realize being a child dont last a lifetime?

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Sad Motha Fuckas

Well it’s that time again for me to bring you some truth and reality from my own perspective of course ha!

You know I would like to consider myself a pretty fair dude and definitely one who doesn’t shy away from expressing my like or dislike for individuals. I’m also not shy about expressing my attraction, whether strong or marginal for you. This however, in no way should be confused with any kind of thirst. I think it’s sad that niggas who are cute have been so brainwashed to think that everyone thirsts for them. Because what it’s doing is clouding their vision and boosting they egos wayyyyy too much.

Recently I encountered a former adult male film actor. Like how I dressed that shit up don’t u, lmao. But we started out with a legit business deal, he providing massages for a fee, like all legit hand experts. To be fair it was very professional and amazing. The softest hands and the most gentle touch. But that’s where the story veers left. See while lying on the massage table n my underwear he admitted my ass attracted him. As if that was shock, I thanked him nd he continued the massage.

Next thing I know he’s pulling off my underwear saying he didn’t want any oil gettin on my drawers. I said fine nd the massage continued. He began to now caress my ass real thorough and I could tell he was a bit mesmerized by it. I was right because he had me prop my ass up in the air so he get a better “feel.” Then I feel his tongue sliding my hole. Damn this man can eat some ass!

He does this for a while and that’s where the massage ends, but not the night. After we were done and I was dressed he asked if I would take him to the smoke shop up the street from him. I agreed and we got in my car. While preparing to go nd riding he says that he wouldn’t have normally turned a massage session into a borderline fuck session. But he couldn’t resist, his words not mine. I said it’s fine and then he starts talking about chillin nd how his dick game is. Shocked nd a bit surprised I poked the subject to see where this would go. He says he fucks smooth nd slow, long nd deep. It’s like he knew he was fucking me wit my clothes on.

I said it was interesting maybe one day I could find out if he was legit wit it. This led him to say, “if you got time tonight, I’m free.” I did and so we did. No lie he was a man of his word. He ate me deeply again nd then slid his pretty dick up n me nd stroked me like a fucking king. It was amazing and yet once we finished he didnt want me to leave right away. We kicked it talked, vibedz watched Basketball Wives nd laughed. And we fucked again. Then I went home, cuz by then we were both tired.

We would text daily and we linked up two more occasions, one of which I took him to get himself food before going home. We talked about normal life shit not just let’s fuck shit and when we both were ready for sex, he said pull up and I did. But tragedy struck his life and once I learned of it from him, I asked if he was ok and if he needed anything. He asked: “anything like what?” I said normal shit, just whatever u may need while u grieve. He said he needed some eggs and sausage. I said ok after work I got u. I guess that was too long for him because he had it by time I was off.

So later he asked for something to eat from a fast food place near his house. I said cool I can do that for u. He said ok whenever I have time with a lol behind it. An hour later I asked him what exactly he wanted because he never specified and thats when the shit hit the damn fan. He said he was good because he never wants to feel like someone is doing him a favor. Then he says my response made him feel like he was a nobody and like I was beneath him. Additionally he says, I was thirsty for him but then my slow text response to his two needs made me sketchy.

Now baby battle lines were drawn and you know me I lit back into that ass. I said first off thirsty for u, nigga never. U sexy and ya dick game strong nd ur smart but I dont sweat over a dick or pretty face nd u not my man. Sketchy, as for that as I explained I work two jobs most every day. Means I’m working 12 to 13 hours a day. When I just work one I try to make time for who or what I like but, be clear, I made the extension of concern and need because I cared and wanted to make sure ur okay, knowing you use ur legs and get rides everywhere. So after that was said his response was muted just saying he didnt want talk right now.

Fine I said nd left it alone. Let me be clear, ain’t no nonemotinally invested nigga gone have me thirsty for them. I’m too good for that. I know I can and will find sex better than yours and you’re not the only cute nigga in this city. It’s sad a man been propped up so much he believes his dont stink wayyy too much and thats when I disembark off the train, because fucking with me I will give u a reality check you need. It’s sad a nigga dont know genuine interest from a fan. We talked for hours day 1 and numerous times after about ourselves, personalities and styles and yet you think I’m you’re fan, when I was actually a growing love interest.

Guess he got the lesson thou, everybody dont sweat you, nor do they wait on you and move when you say. Go find them groupies porn star. Maybe that’s just what you need.

Comment vent talk to me y’all. I talk back

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My heart is hurting…

Last year I wrote about losing my first child to abortion. And damn if a few weeks ago, I had the exact same thing happen again. I dont know how to accept this and I dont know what to do with this but wow, I can’t deal with this again. God help me to understand why i needed this a second time?

Four months after thinking that I was going to be a daddy again, it was revealed that the pregnancy was going to be terminated without my input or consultation. I dont really understand why people play around with this shit man. To have your heart torn out of your chest again is just hard to fathom. It makes you have questions about everything man. You dont kno what to believe when you’re blindsided by thwaw things.

I’m not really sure how to recover from things like this. Especially when there are so many things going on. When you lose someone so close and then have to deal with the loss of a child before they saw life, I mean damn. I dont know what to do with this and more importantly I dont know how to release this hurt and pain. I’m at a place in my life now where I have to figure out how to redevelop a sense of myself. How to grow and accept more of lifes challenges and devastations. It affects my trust and comfort of people. It makes me hesitant to want to try to have kids again. As a gay man it’s not like I can just fuck and have a child, I cant. So having had two opportunities and they both get snatched away with real reason, I’m just left to sit and question things.

I am a torn and hurt man. I’m lost in many ways and I dont really know what to make of it. But in time and with patience I will overcome this too. But damn my heart hurts