lifestyle

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In Love with the Phone

Ahhhhh, a subject that many have talked and written about and still is a destructive force today. The role that social media, phones and apps play in daily relationships, not to mention, actual relationships is probably getting worse by the day. I’ve noticed that a number of my friends who have gotten in to substantive relationships have minimized their time on social media. I don’t see the posts nearly as frequently as when they were single or when they were in the infancy stages of their relationships. It doesn’t take a scientist for me to figure out why that really is. And in reality I don’t think anybody really can’t figure it out.. Social Media and overuse of it and the phone you use, can destroy your relationship.

I don’t think I really understand the need for anyone to have their phone in their hand all day every day. it defies the logic to me of having a successful relationship, if you and your partner reside in the same state and definitely within the same household. I think people tend to forget just how important interacting with your partner is to the effectiveness of your relationship. One thing that always confuses me is how people will talk about the type of individual they are or how they don’t like this that or the other, but you will see them doing the exact thing or things they say they don’t like. Or the argument that goes, as long as their physically with their partner, whatever they’re doing doesn’t matter. That to is a like a person saying, I’m not a cheater, but I like to flirt with other people.

Temptation is a bitch and a lack of attention to the needs of your significant other, is the other bitch that bites back. I often wonder how many people find this to be problematic in their relationships. And secondly, what is it that they do to combat that so that it doesn’t really become a divisive issue. I think we all can have a bit of social media obsession. We can all keep the phone glued to our hands a little too much. But, when does it become a conscious thing of no matter what I’m going to prioritize my phone over everything. How many times can you look at the same things over and over again. How many times can you watch the same kinds of videos over and over. When does enough intake become enough? I’ve never really had the issue of overkill with my phone, because there reaches points in the day where I just really don’t care for it. Where I would rather be engaging with my boyfriend in any way rather than being on the phone.

We live in a time now where everything is available on the phone. So from that stand point I truly understand. You can watch tv, listen to music, communicate, learn, read and research any and everything with just the clicks of your fingers and it’s there for your consumption. So again, to a degree I understand and support the need to use technology for many things. But one thing I also know, is that if you put more time in the phone and on the folks who are within that world on phone, than you do with the person that shares your space.. you could be alone with you and that phone. Maybe for some that’s what they want and maybe for others they just don’t care. Some may see it as why is an issue if you’re “together”. But ask yourself this question, what kind of quality is obtained by just being together, if there ain’t no interaction between you?

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One Sided Love Affair

I think that with more than 15 years experience in relationships I have a pretty sloid understanding of how love works when its good and when its not so good. I also am very aware of when the actions of love are more one sided and they don’t show the necessary improvement of becoming mutually beneficial. I think that often times relationships start and the demonstrations of love are usually more one sided than one thinks. There is almost always one individual who is receiving more of the physical love than the other, and for that matter the verbal love as well. But most times is the action love that’s missing that causes more discomfort than the words.

When someone is so easily able to verbalize their love for you, it’s reasonable to expect that the action part of displaying it would be just as easy to show. Maybe for some it’s not and that is where you have to do your best to understand the person and the why behind the reason it’s so hard for it to be shown and figure out how you can help that person or guide them towards being more lovingly affectionate towards you so that you feel the love that you wish to feel. If this is something that can’t or won’t be done, then you have to ask yourself is this a situation that you belong in? Love develops differently for each person. One person might jump for you quicker than you jump for them and you have to be sensitive to that and accept that it may take more time for things to come, but you can’t allow yourself to be blind and miss the moment of where maybe it’s not what you it was portrayed out to be.

One thing I’ve learned over the years of being with guys is that love is something that dudes have a hard time showing and allowing to be shown if they’ve been hurt significantly in the past. It scars them and makes them less likely to want to give all of them to the next guy. That is a reasonable response, but it’s also one that should send alarm signals to the one who’s trying to get the love from them. That could be a sign that the person isn’t mentally prepared and emotionally prepared to handle the task of being in love with someone or loving them completely. It takes someone to really be ready for love. Yes, there are cases where someone has been through something devastating and the love of another helps them to complete their process and journey through recovery. But, honestly, it’s usually because that person has decided that they’re ready, be it on their own or being forced, to give up the walls and fear for someone that they don’t want to lose on account of themselves.

Establish that dynamic from an early outset. Meaning, don’t allow yourself to accept someone passively dismissing your concerns when you see them and voice them. You don’t have to be overly aggressive or too forward. A good dose of humility combined with a honest desire for love and appreciate will go a long way towards making the situation resolve itself without fireworks, name calling or animosity. If that doesn’t work and you have any of those aforementioned events occur, that could your biggest indication that it’s time to consider walking away or putting things on pause to figure out if the time is right and the environment is fertile for this relationship to be happening.

Knowing when to pull back and relax when someone is pulling away from you is just as important as pushing forward trying to reassure them of your pure and true love for them. It’s not always the wise thing to advance, sometimes retreating and gathering your thoughts is just as beneficial to the situation. Either way, one thing that can’t be lost, if you don’t communicate and have understanding for the dynamics, you will fail and the one sided love will be a no sided love. Take note

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Love That Don’t Feel Right

Sometimes I sit and wonder why did I go through some of the things that I did. I often challenge the notion that true love or happiness will find me someday. I think it is in part due to the traumatic past pain and the destructive wake that was left behind. I think it’s also due to the fact that I’m never the guy that gets appreciated in the moment. I’m not the guy who is loved in the midst or the guy that people take time to enjoy the view when we’re together. I seem to be the guy that shows what giving oneself means, only to have it be taken for granted or underappreciated. Then after time and failed relationships, people come back and reveal just how good I was, or just how much I was truly different.

These revelations, while fine on the surface, really tear away at me. It does so because I do want to be appreciated while engaged in the relationship. I want to be wanted and partner validated by the guy who has my affection. It’s not that I struggle to get people to want to be with me, but they don’t seem to have that desire for me that is shown for them. Better yet, they talk the game but the actions fail miserably. When you experience this enough, it makes you question whether or not you are doing something wrong. Maybe your energy isn’t right. Maybe your giving off a lack of confidence in self or somehow you just aren’t attracting that which you thought you were. It makes you feel a little insecure to feel the emptiness that should be filled by the one that you love.

I admit that I’ve been split and torn a lot lately. Some days I think that I’m in the most satisfying, happy and loving relationship. Then, some days I feel as though I’m really just here as a placeholder. Like I’m the stop gap to whatever is actually about to come next. It feels like I’m really just being used for knowledge and time, not really getting the full energy that I should be receiving. Not getting the full love that should be felt. Far too often I hear words spoken and at first they rang with this breath of freshness and believability, now they are starting to ring hollow and muted. Almost as if said on program and repeated lifelessly as a means to pacify my concerns or deflect from the obvious stress or lack of excitement for this relationship.

It just feels so wrong. It doesn’t feel like it’s a utopian love that is embracing the challenges and the journey head on. It feels like this love is being weighed down, battered already by outside forces that truly have nothing to do with the happiness or success of this relationship, but maybe a little unexpected blowback or unpreparedness for responses has caused things to become more tense or unsettled than imagined. Maybe the hardened exterior and polished tough words aren’t really the story at all. Maybe the reality is that inside the soul and the mind and spirit aren’t all connected on one accord. Maybe this journey is too much and the effects are starting to show. Love shouldn’t feel or be this way.

Love shouldn’t feel forced or weak, not at this stage and to me at any point. If it’s real love it might take a beating, it might become strained, it might wain a little, but that’s when the reserves kick in. That’s when the mind and most importantly, the heart, churns and reminds you of why you chose this person and this journey in the first place. I tend to think that there are many little battles fought within a relationship, amongst both the couple as a whole and the individuals themselves. It is how these battles are fought and decided that determine what direction the relationship goes and its ultimate succession or failure. I think that ignoring the physical aspect of any meaningful relationship is dangerous and is a source of weakness.

I don’t think that you have to be sexually intimate every day or all the time, but I do believe that a healthy and satisfying sex life within a relationship, coupled with a healthy joint spirit and a combined hearty love for one another builds the foundations solid and strong, so that when the inevitable challenges and obstacles arise, you have enough in the tank to withstand them, defeat and overcome them and then take the time to refill the tank. To me, when any of those elements are missing or aren’t firing on all cylinders, you are already at a disadvantage and usually likely to experience a harder time recovering, if you recover because the base isn’t firm. The foundation has cracks and the obstacles only damage that unsettled ground further.

When the love feels wrong, you have to ask yourself why. You have to be willing to look yourself in the face and ask the tough question of is it you and if so what can you do. But, you also have to have the metal strength to realize it may be your partner and you have to approach them with respect and due caution, but you must be just as blunt and direct with them as you would be with yourself. Otherwise you have no true bond or friendship, let alone a healthy relationship. Once those answers are given, you must then seek the solutions that will allow for this to resolved in a manner that both of you want the situation to go. Be it fixing the issues or dissolving the relationship. Either way, one thing you should never do is allow it to fester or boil over. When love doesn’t feel right, you better make it right or walk away.

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Are you Spiritual or Religious?

This conversation to me is one that is very intricate and detailed but one that to me should be more necessary than some like to think. When I think of these two words they can be very synonymous with each other but there are distinct differences to me that makes one more preferable to me over the other. Lets start the with big R word that makes for more divisiveness that togetherness.

Religious people in large part are more judgmental and tend to look at things through the lens of their beliefs of religion. They are more apt to try to drive a wedge through the community with their antiquated beliefs rather than really be a driving force of togetherness as taught in the bible. More specifically, within the Black community religion has always seemed to be a very tense subject to discuss. Primarily due to the fact that that hiding behind religion has torn apart families that have children or relatives that are part of the LGBTQ+ community. It has always been a source of disagreement amongst my peer group just how destructive religion in the Black community has been.

Also, that same religious rigidity seems to lead to black men not be allowed to accept or embrace all of themselves. They are taught too often to be firm and absent of emotions. Not to allow themselves to cry or be seen as “soft” because of what the Bible say. You know how religious people love to use that quote. But, the truth is the Bible doesn’t mention anything about a man not being allowed to be in touch with the softer side of himself. It doesn’t say that a has to be either warrior or mascusensitive. It is not distinguished in any part of the text, yet somehow, because of ancestry and a need for strength during slavery times, Black men have been robbed of their sensitivities, and in some ways, their humanity.

Let me focus for a minute on why I prefer the Spiritual self over the Religious self. The spirit self, to me, is of God and Jesus. The spirit is not judgmental nor does it hinder on acceptance of a theology. It allows for you to be in touch with the higher power in God and believe in Christ, while not being critical or belittling to someone who shares a different belief. Maybe their Muslim or Atheist or Hindu or Buddhist and they chose to worship a different deity but still have the fundamental in a spiritual foundation of God and love of man based upon these foundings. It does amaze me that so many run to the bible and disparage other religious texts, but if you look at the basic pillars and tenants of other faiths of spiritual belief, they have similar principles. A belief in love of self, love of fellow man, togetherness, family, building a strong community, kids being the future and a general sense of equality amongst all people regardless of status or class.

The spirit is something that you cannot quantify or judge. Because to truly be in the spirit is to be one with God and if that is the ultimate goal that one seeks, to be one with the Holy Spirit and to act in a way that would be Godly and acceptable unto the Lord, then one should tap into that love of the Spirit not the love of a text or religion that puts an emphasis on following someone’s interpretation of the text and not having a solid understanding for yourself, in order to fully be present during the service and to challenge the leader of the church it is so needed. The basic premise of blindly trusting man to lead you is something that is not preached in the text either. It is said that you need to trust Jesus and God as your leaders and that the preacher is an extension, sent to help you find that understanding, but he or she is still man and is subject to being tempted by wrongdoing or misgivings when they taste the power and influence given to a leader.

I wonder just how much Religious people truly justify their wandering belief system. See I don’t understand how you can be quick to say that God knows all and sees all and doesn’t make any mistakes. But, the minute that your child or close relative says their gay, you run and hollar God doesn’t like that, you aren’t being in touch with God, or somehow you are sinning because you are loving the same gender. That flies in the face of your initial statement. If you know that God see and knows all. If you know that God created all, then surely you know that God knew that there were Gay people in this world because God created them. Knew that they would be this way and allowed them to live and be free and flourish because we are all God’s people created in God’s image. See that’s where a Spiritual person sits in the seat of preference. A spirit filled person doesn’t look at homosexuality as a sin, it’s seen as what it is, a part of the diaspora of the world. There is not judgment for accepting your sexuality or your gender preference, rather it takes the belief that you are free to be who you are, as long as, you hold the basic tenants of life.

This post may not resonate with many and it may be controversial to some, but it’s something that is necessary to discuss. We have to get to a place where we aren’t judging people because they choose to live in their truth. That they accept God and also accept that they love the same sex or they like to drink or they like to wear mix blended clothing. That they had children prior to being married or they eat shell fish. You see all these things in the text are said to be sins, but we don’t ever focus on those do we? It’s just the most disturbing things to us that we see as not acceptable that we want to run to the bible and start throwing scripture as a weapon. What side of the ledger do you reside? Are you a Spiritual person or are you a Religious person?

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A Love Letter to my Soulmate

It’s hard to imagine after being hurt, destroyed, betrayed and left for nothing, that the heart can be so resilient and still beat and bleed for love. It’s just as unthinkable that one can go through that fire and still want to deal with the challenges and effort that comes with finding real love again. Sometimes love comes when you aren’t consciously looking for it. It will sneak up on you, grab you by the face and wrap itself around you with a armor that can be impenetrable. I am here to tell you that that feeling is a feeling that can’t be duplicated or simulated. It’s something that really only one person can bring you and once you feel it, you will never want to let it go.

Being in love with someone is like a drug. It can be so addicting and engulfing. It has the power to change you, sometimes for the good and sometimes for bad, it has the power to shape your thoughts and change your beliefs. Real, unconditional love makes you feel like you’re invincible, knowing full well that you will never be so. It takes a very special individual to deliver that type of love to someone that has been burned and heartbroken more than once. It takes someone who is willing to see past the hardened exterior to see the sweet and gentle softness that lies within you. That warmth and special feeling that you get when you’re with that person is something you never want to be without, no matter how much you know that there will be times in a day or week that you can’t have that feeling physically. I’m here to tell you though, if it’s real and strong the feeling never leaves you, even when you’re apart.

Generalization done, lets make this more personal. What you have done since coming into my life has been noting short of beautiful. Despite the fact we’re more than 10 years apart in age, your love is pure and sweet. It has a warmth and authenticity that no one can challenge. It continues to grow stronger by the day, with every passing situation that we conquer. I can only imagine how you feel, falling in-love and gaining the love of your life, while also distancing yourself from familiarity because of it. It’s hard to live in this gay life with love, because someone is always willing and seemingly ready to judge you and your relationship, without any knowledge of just how deep the connection really is.

To say that this was expected would be a lie. I knew from the moment I saw you that I wanted you, but I didn’t truly believe it would come true the way that it has. I didn’t think that your love would be so magnetic and strong like it is. You smile and it makes me feel good. You laugh and it makes me happy. You show me just how much being in love with someone can truly make an impact on the every day feelings of life. With you things feel more at peace. I feel like even though there are stresses, they will be overcome with our love and dedication to each other and our goals together. I can see eternity with you. I see the lights diming and your face the last I see before my final breath takes me away from here. I see the day I put that ring on your finger and the joy that it will bring. I see the moment that you put the ring on mines and the smiles never end. I see the day we walk down the aisle and stare into each others soul, professing our love and commitment to each other, our family and God before those we love.

All these things I see coming to pass, not that I say it lightly or without great thought, but as was said a few weeks ago, I can’t see my life without you by my side. Every day, every moment, walking together facing the unknown together. Good days and bad days, great conversations and arguments, love making and couch sleeping. Never walking away or wanting to give up, because the love that fills my heart for you, is a love that I didn’t think that I could muster anymore. I worry if I see you down, I get concerned if I know something has happened with you. I take your pain and grief on as my own, not because you’re not strong enough but because I want to be your shield and your sword. There to protect you when I can and fight with you when necessary. Building a bond so special and deep that no one can break.

It is truly a joy and a privilege to be sharing this journey in love together with you. It gives me peace and happiness to know that the future is so bright and promising. You asked the first time I said I love you to you do I love you forever? I told you yes, forever. I said it that day and every day since it’s been more engrained with each passing day. I love you baby, always and forever. You are my forever, you are my love. This I write to you today, A love letter to my soulmate.

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I Have A Vision

As we continue to embark on this journey of racial equality for my people, I think it is necessary to reset this purpose. There are those out there who are trying to steer the narrative so that they can justify their reluctance or denial of the equality and justice that we’re seeking. I have been listening to people out there say they don’t see the White Privilege or the White Supremacy. They say that Black people aren’t at a disadvantage. They say that we need to be careful because there will be a fatigue factor that will set in. It sounds sad and pathetic that some of these people still just want to just think of themselves.

This post will not focus any further on that, but it will reset the narrative and hopefully provide a positive and galvanizing spotlight on the situation. In the moment that we find ourselves in, we’re in need for people to set the stage for where we are. We are in a moment in time where Black people are pushing for there to be an end to the systemic racism and prejudicial indifference given to us. We are fighting for an end to the legal and policy driven practices that have been discriminatory to the Black community more so than any other. We are looking to get the recognition and acknowledgement of the financial and socioeconomic disadvantage that we’ve been placed and suppressed into.

We as a people just want to be able to have the same fair chances and opportunities as our White and Asian and Latino counterparts. We have a vision that instead of having a future where we’re still scared to be stopped by White law enforcement, we will feel the same comforts of White people when they’re stopped. I have a vision that one day I can look at television and see stories of Black people flourishing, leading a nation reborn. I have a vision that my LGBTQ community will be free to truly be ourselves. That my Transgender women won’t have to fight for jobs and acceptance just like the rest of us. I have a vision that black men will be able to come out to their families and not be chastised or discarded because of narrow minded views. I have a vision that we will be able to welcome a Black woman as President of the United States.

I have a vision that all women will be given their equal respect and responsibility like men. I have a vision that we will be able to look at the next generation and see that they will truly have a future better than the present that we live in. I have a vision that the vitriol and bigotry and discrimination against women will end. I have vision that the movement for equality will no longer be needed. I have a vision that we will become a better nation, a more inclusive and accepting nation. I have a vision that we will accept our differences as opportunities for bonding with those are unlike us. The vision is for an America that truly reflects the beacon of light and hope. The vision is for a society that is open and honest and fair. The vision is for a community that accepts all the facets that encompass it.

We the people have to see that the vision laid forth is one that is needed. We need to have equality, peace, understanding, compassion and empathy. Today we have a chance to move forward the conversation of an America truly living up to the standards in its founding.

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A Distraction Needed

So, the time has come for the “normalcy” to return as many people keep calling for. We are about to have sports return, television networks filming shows for the fall and for some it couldn’t have come sooner, for others it’s returning at an opportune time. We are still in the middle of a burning hot pandemic, we have a civil rights movements underway and now we’re about to interject the world of sports back into the equation. Many have talked obsessively about the need for the sports professionals to come back and entertain us. Take our minds off the Coronavirus pandemic and the civil unrest that the Black community has undertaken to further our cause for equality. As we sit and wait for the leagues to determine if they will indeed be able to have a season, we are faced with answering the question of whether this will take our eyes off the health crisis and social crisis griping this country.

I have listened to both sides of the coin and I am honestly torn as to exactly how I feel. On the one hand as a fan, yes I want to see the sports world return. To have a reason to laugh loudly, trash talk playfully, watch attentively as my favorite players and teams vie for championships. But, on the other hand, I think about just how dangerous this virus is out here. How it’s hitting people regardless of stature. But how it is disproportionally hitting the Black community. Then too, it’s the protesting and unrest being displayed by black people trying to obtain equality. Trying to get the nation to change from the racist and bigoted ways of the past four hundred plus years. I wonder if this sports return will make some forget that we are still protesting in the streets. Still out pushing and lobbying for change in state legislatures and national legislatures.

I do think that the platform that many of the black athletes will have when they return to live national television, will possibly allow for us to have the conversation furthered to a degree that maybe it still isn’t being received currently. There is something powerful about the most influential athletes openly speaking and displaying the need for reforms. Primarily, because so many white people think that the more financially well off people speaking out makes a situation more important. Also, if these athletes take the position of the community organizers and emphasize more patronage of black business and boycotting those corporations who aren’t showing with actions that they support the cause, it will be more effective.

Yet, sometimes I also feel that it’s very sad and unfortunate that we can’t have regular people be the leaders of this movement. The catalyst can be regular people, but the ignitors have to be famous individuals. This is the unfortunate reality for the Black community but necessary for change to really take hold. Primarily because White America see money as the measure of power, and that’s why black people have to use our collective dollars to continue to hold accountable corporations and white people to ensure that we don’t allow this movement to end. The dichotomy is obvious and the movement taking place hopefully will work towards ending that making this a more fair, equal fight.

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American Sadness

Don’t let the title fool you completely. This is not a bash America thing or anything of the sort. I am however, writing to provoke the minds of people to understand just how fucking stupid and pathetic we look right now. Do you realize that we are in the middle of the worst health crisis since the Spanish Flu and we have government officials who are politicizing this crisis, mostly because they are absolute morons, they lack the spine to challenge a gutless President and the sorriest reason of all, is they want to win the November election. I never thought that I would live to see the day where people care about politics over the welfare of over three hundred million people. But, then again I have to remember that this is also the same country that fought to keep black people as slaves. This is also the same country that refuses to make reparations to Black people for the free labor they got from us. So I guess, in hindsight, it all makes perfect sense right.

We are sitting here more than three months from the outbreak of this virus in the United States and the truth is we’re no better off now than we were in March when things first broke out. We have new cases surging over half of the United States. Southern States, that opened way too fucking soon, because of the ignorant, minion like mentality for following this incompetent ass President by Republican Governors across the South. We now see states rushing to roll back some of their reopenings and now trying to reinforce the Science and Medical community warnings that masks need to be mandatory and that people need to stay the fuck away from each other. Question is will it be too late?

You keep hearing the medical experts saying that if we don’t act soon, that we will not be able to get control of this virus in a meaningful way, which means we will be fucked and who knows how devastating the death toll will be. Additionally, we still have no idea what the long term effects of the virus is on the human body, but from early reports it ain’t good. Someone needs to really tell me how much longer are we going to sit here and be manipulated to thinking that being ignorant and arrogant about this virus will keep you safe? We aren’t going to just be able to overpower this infection. It has the upper hand because it’s unknown. We don’t have the medicines to stop and cure this virus, so why the fuck are people out here acting like it’s just another day in the park?

Listen I understand that to continue to be home and away from people is rough. I understand that sitting home is not the preferred method of handling this situation. True that most of us may not know anyone who has this virus, but I want you all to be mindful that at any given moment in time, it can be you or someone you love or care about infected, battling for their lives. As we have seen, it doesn’t matter if you’re famous or not. Black or White, this virus will get you. But naturally, it is more devastating to the black community, yet all I see is so many of us, especially the young ones, out in the streets or in the clubs all hugged up and close, not social distancing and not wearing masks. What the fuck is wrong with y’all? So many say they’re tired of being home and doing nothing. Tired of not being out in the streets. But what happens if you get infected with Covid?

The time really has come for us to stop thinking of the individual self and look at the collective whole. We must protect ourselves and our community. It’s hard but not impossible. If you gotta go out, be smart. Social distance, wear your mask. It ain’t hard and it won’t cost you a damn thing. If we really are that hard headed that we would rather have luxury over our health, what the fuck does that say about us as a people?

Wake the fuck up, please.

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The Heart of America

Again I’ve found myself wrestling with just how to comment on everything that we’ve seen for the past three weeks. The continued murder of unarmed black people, especially men, by police across this country. It is the very essence of a hate crime, if you’re willing to expand your mind enough. These are typically White officers who are killing Black people in cold blood and with no recourse. They’re not just doing it under the cover of darkness, but because they know they can get away with it, they’re killing us in broad damn daylight. You would think they want to be more subtle, but hell when you think about it, why should they? They no reason not to. The sorry ass juries that get convened very rarely convict them. The people in power are always protecting them, so it is a surprise that all these black people are being gunned down for no reason, while our White counterparts are continued to be handled with kid gloves? The question now is, have we truly reached the end of this shit? Have we said as a people, Enough is a fucking nough?

In my opinion right now, this fight, this journey, this battle is for the heart of America, not anything else. I could sit here and recite the numbers and statistics of the black people killed by cops. I could give you the statistics of the likelihood of violence against black people versus White from law enforcement, but if you’ve watched television or read articles published, you know those numbers by now. Instead this is geared to your heart. This is my plea for you White Americans who still don’t get it, to think deeper and harder about the situation. This is for some of you who keep saying All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, to consider why now, in this moment, the nation and the world are rallying around my community to enact change and to attempt to work towards making whole, what has been broken. The Black community is broken, tired, beaten, but resilient. We are fighting back the way we know how. We are finding a way to come together from all walks and getting the rest of the world involved to stand up and say no more. To say that we have had taken this shit for far too many years and we are sick and damn tired of it.

So here is my plea to all of you out there who are still in denial or are simply attempting to divert from the reason for the protests and unrest right now. Imagine if your family was taken to a foreign country against it’s will. Weren’t given a choice to stay or go, but told that you were going to be enslaved to a master who will control everything that you do. You’re family is separated often times. Your children are taken from you and you never see them again. Imagine that your beaten over and over again simply for not being good enough in the eyes of your master. Imagine not being able to read or write. Imagine not having your freedom. You live just to please a master and nothing else. Imagine working in your owners home, but you just serve the purpose of servant and sex slave. You are there to perform whatever acts master says. If they want to fuck you and make you have their child or children, you have no choice but to accept that reality.

Now what if you were given your freedom, but nothing else. You didn’t have a place to live. You have no type of formal education. You don’t know the basics of really surviving in the world that you have been released into. What do you do? How do you decide what you will do in terms of food and survival? Even after being freed imagine that your still mistreated, beaten, spit on, disgraced. You do what you see the others doing, volunteering to defend the foreign country you live in by going to war as a solider for that nation, only to return to hate and bigotry. To be pulled of your bus and beaten because you’re wearing the uniform of US Military and you  have those people who feel you’re not human, not worthy of fighting for their freedom. Think about that for a second. Do you think that’s fair? Are you upset yet? Does it make you think about your opportunity to really make it where you live?

Imagine your kids being beaten and spit on just because they want to better themselves and have a solid education and opportunity to rise up and be better than you, which is what all parents want for their children. Imagine your child being lied on and instead of being vindicated, your child is murdered in cold blood, left to rot and be made an example of. Imagine your daughters being raped just because of who they are and justice never coming for them. Imagine your mothers and fathers being beaten and brutalized because they’re trying to stand for you. Help to make sure you and all those who are like you have a chance to have an equal shot at the dream. Think about you making a minor traffic infraction. You run the stop sign, and instead of law enforcement treating you humanly and respectfully, they treat you as hostile, as a threat. You’re always assumed to be guilty of something more salacious than just a minor driving offense. You’re always a target when you go into the store. You are passed over for the opportunities for advancement at work just because you don’t fit their culture or look.

Imagine that you’re just trying to get some food and enjoy the company of a friend. And because you fit the typical mold of a criminal your harassed, stopped and detained for questioning because of someone assuming from a distance you’re a criminal. No apology given once its proven you aren’t the suspect. No apology for the discrimination, for the embarrassment or shame. No solace in feeling safe or protected. The reality is that you are even in fear more of law enforcement after that because now you know that you will always be guilty until proven innocent. All of these instances provided to you are real. They are the plight of the Black community in relation to White America and law enforcement in this country. White people do you understand now?

Everything that you take for granted, we don’t have that luxury. We are always enemies and targets no matter how educated or professional we are. No matter what status we think we hold in any industry, facts are proven over and over that in the eyes of this nation, we are still subservient to you. We are still brutes who are intimidating and threats to you because we’re different. Yet the one thing that flows through us all that makes us even and equal is that red blood underneath your skin. It’s also that heart that beats in your chest. If you truly read this and put yourself in all those scenarios and situations, then you should be standing beside and with us. Joining in the call for real freedom and fairness from this oppressive system. It won’t hurt you, but it damn sure will help us.

Talk to me America

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Gone But Not Forgotten

Ten months ago, I started on another journey towards fatherhood. It was exciting, nerve-wrecking and emotional all at the same time. Because twice before I have been in this position only to have the individuals decide to terminate the pregnancy without any consultation with me. Both knowing full well that I wanted to have the child they were pregnant with at the time. So this time around I was dealing with someone that I knew would not kill our kid prematurely just because or because we went through a fall out. And to our surprise, we were supposed to be having twins. Fuckin twins!! I wasn’t expecting that you know I was happy as hell to be having two kids at one time. And so the process began of preparing for these babies to come into this world and to make sure that they were given everything they needed to grow and develop as they needed to.

Because they were twins and the person had already had one miscarriage we were cautioned about revealing too much too soon as this would be a high risk pregnancy and all the guidelines would need to be followed exactly to the letter of the law if we were going to maximize the opportunity for both of these beautiful babies to see this world. Early on things were dicey, but I thought that we had gotten out of the woods of that and was moving towards a more normal situation. And then the dominos started to fall that made things become far more uncertain and eventually to the end of another chance to be a father. The complications began to happen more frequent and sadly in mid September we had lost the twins and again the pain and aguish of dealing with the loss of unborn children I had to endure. It hurt unbelievably bad. It’s something that no one can ever prepare you for.

I’ve sat many days staring into space just wondering how so many people who don’t or didn’t want kids have them and someone who wants them and would be good to them and treat them well can’t get to the end of the race and have one or two or three, however many it is that I’m meant to have. It’s frustrating and saddening. It makes you depressed and sad. You want to cry and just block out the world, yet you know that can’t because the world doesn’t stop just because you go through misfortune. You must deal with it, with the person that you started that journey with, hope that y’all can find some semblance of support and understanding for each other while grieving on your in and in your own ways. My babies never got to breathe a breath of air. See the light of day or the dark of night. They never got to cry or laugh and feel anything of this world.

Maybe it’s a good thing in one respect with the pandemic that has crippled this nation and world, but fuck that man, I wanted them to be here. See this world, hold them, burp them, feed them, change them. Lay them on my chest and let them sleep. Wipe their little faces after they eat. All the things that a parent wants to do with their child, again I don’t get to experience. I just wonder if I will ever be given that opportunity to welcome my own kids to my life. Time will ultimately tell me if it’s meant for me to give life to kids of my own. I know that it’s tiring and hurtful to get started and be forced to stop. To my two unborn babies, this is your memorializing, your marking that you were here to a degree. You were alive inside your mother and you were loved as though you had already been here.