The Heart of America

Again I’ve found myself wrestling with just how to comment on everything that we’ve seen for the past three weeks. The continued murder of unarmed black people, especially men, by police across this country. It is the very essence of a hate crime, if you’re willing to expand your mind enough. These are typically White officers who are killing Black people in cold blood and with no recourse. They’re not just doing it under the cover of darkness, but because they know they can get away with it, they’re killing us in broad damn daylight. You would think they want to be more subtle, but hell when you think about it, why should they? They no reason not to. The sorry ass juries that get convened very rarely convict them. The people in power are always protecting them, so it is a surprise that all these black people are being gunned down for no reason, while our White counterparts are continued to be handled with kid gloves? The question now is, have we truly reached the end of this shit? Have we said as a people, Enough is a fucking nough?

In my opinion right now, this fight, this journey, this battle is for the heart of America, not anything else. I could sit here and recite the numbers and statistics of the black people killed by cops. I could give you the statistics of the likelihood of violence against black people versus White from law enforcement, but if you’ve watched television or read articles published, you know those numbers by now. Instead this is geared to your heart. This is my plea for you White Americans who still don’t get it, to think deeper and harder about the situation. This is for some of you who keep saying All Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter, to consider why now, in this moment, the nation and the world are rallying around my community to enact change and to attempt to work towards making whole, what has been broken. The Black community is broken, tired, beaten, but resilient. We are fighting back the way we know how. We are finding a way to come together from all walks and getting the rest of the world involved to stand up and say no more. To say that we have had taken this shit for far too many years and we are sick and damn tired of it.

So here is my plea to all of you out there who are still in denial or are simply attempting to divert from the reason for the protests and unrest right now. Imagine if your family was taken to a foreign country against it’s will. Weren’t given a choice to stay or go, but told that you were going to be enslaved to a master who will control everything that you do. You’re family is separated often times. Your children are taken from you and you never see them again. Imagine that your beaten over and over again simply for not being good enough in the eyes of your master. Imagine not being able to read or write. Imagine not having your freedom. You live just to please a master and nothing else. Imagine working in your owners home, but you just serve the purpose of servant and sex slave. You are there to perform whatever acts master says. If they want to fuck you and make you have their child or children, you have no choice but to accept that reality.

Now what if you were given your freedom, but nothing else. You didn’t have a place to live. You have no type of formal education. You don’t know the basics of really surviving in the world that you have been released into. What do you do? How do you decide what you will do in terms of food and survival? Even after being freed imagine that your still mistreated, beaten, spit on, disgraced. You do what you see the others doing, volunteering to defend the foreign country you live in by going to war as a solider for that nation, only to return to hate and bigotry. To be pulled of your bus and beaten because you’re wearing the uniform of US Military and you  have those people who feel you’re not human, not worthy of fighting for their freedom. Think about that for a second. Do you think that’s fair? Are you upset yet? Does it make you think about your opportunity to really make it where you live?

Imagine your kids being beaten and spit on just because they want to better themselves and have a solid education and opportunity to rise up and be better than you, which is what all parents want for their children. Imagine your child being lied on and instead of being vindicated, your child is murdered in cold blood, left to rot and be made an example of. Imagine your daughters being raped just because of who they are and justice never coming for them. Imagine your mothers and fathers being beaten and brutalized because they’re trying to stand for you. Help to make sure you and all those who are like you have a chance to have an equal shot at the dream. Think about you making a minor traffic infraction. You run the stop sign, and instead of law enforcement treating you humanly and respectfully, they treat you as hostile, as a threat. You’re always assumed to be guilty of something more salacious than just a minor driving offense. You’re always a target when you go into the store. You are passed over for the opportunities for advancement at work just because you don’t fit their culture or look.

Imagine that you’re just trying to get some food and enjoy the company of a friend. And because you fit the typical mold of a criminal your harassed, stopped and detained for questioning because of someone assuming from a distance you’re a criminal. No apology given once its proven you aren’t the suspect. No apology for the discrimination, for the embarrassment or shame. No solace in feeling safe or protected. The reality is that you are even in fear more of law enforcement after that because now you know that you will always be guilty until proven innocent. All of these instances provided to you are real. They are the plight of the Black community in relation to White America and law enforcement in this country. White people do you understand now?

Everything that you take for granted, we don’t have that luxury. We are always enemies and targets no matter how educated or professional we are. No matter what status we think we hold in any industry, facts are proven over and over that in the eyes of this nation, we are still subservient to you. We are still brutes who are intimidating and threats to you because we’re different. Yet the one thing that flows through us all that makes us even and equal is that red blood underneath your skin. It’s also that heart that beats in your chest. If you truly read this and put yourself in all those scenarios and situations, then you should be standing beside and with us. Joining in the call for real freedom and fairness from this oppressive system. It won’t hurt you, but it damn sure will help us.

Talk to me America

Gone But Not Forgotten

Ten months ago, I started on another journey towards fatherhood. It was exciting, nerve-wrecking and emotional all at the same time. Because twice before I have been in this position only to have the individuals decide to terminate the pregnancy without any consultation with me. Both knowing full well that I wanted to have the child they were pregnant with at the time. So this time around I was dealing with someone that I knew would not kill our kid prematurely just because or because we went through a fall out. And to our surprise, we were supposed to be having twins. Fuckin twins!! I wasn’t expecting that you know I was happy as hell to be having two kids at one time. And so the process began of preparing for these babies to come into this world and to make sure that they were given everything they needed to grow and develop as they needed to.

Because they were twins and the person had already had one miscarriage we were cautioned about revealing too much too soon as this would be a high risk pregnancy and all the guidelines would need to be followed exactly to the letter of the law if we were going to maximize the opportunity for both of these beautiful babies to see this world. Early on things were dicey, but I thought that we had gotten out of the woods of that and was moving towards a more normal situation. And then the dominos started to fall that made things become far more uncertain and eventually to the end of another chance to be a father. The complications began to happen more frequent and sadly in mid September we had lost the twins and again the pain and aguish of dealing with the loss of unborn children I had to endure. It hurt unbelievably bad. It’s something that no one can ever prepare you for.

I’ve sat many days staring into space just wondering how so many people who don’t or didn’t want kids have them and someone who wants them and would be good to them and treat them well can’t get to the end of the race and have one or two or three, however many it is that I’m meant to have. It’s frustrating and saddening. It makes you depressed and sad. You want to cry and just block out the world, yet you know that can’t because the world doesn’t stop just because you go through misfortune. You must deal with it, with the person that you started that journey with, hope that y’all can find some semblance of support and understanding for each other while grieving on your in and in your own ways. My babies never got to breathe a breath of air. See the light of day or the dark of night. They never got to cry or laugh and feel anything of this world.

Maybe it’s a good thing in one respect with the pandemic that has crippled this nation and world, but fuck that man, I wanted them to be here. See this world, hold them, burp them, feed them, change them. Lay them on my chest and let them sleep. Wipe their little faces after they eat. All the things that a parent wants to do with their child, again I don’t get to experience. I just wonder if I will ever be given that opportunity to welcome my own kids to my life. Time will ultimately tell me if it’s meant for me to give life to kids of my own. I know that it’s tiring and hurtful to get started and be forced to stop. To my two unborn babies, this is your memorializing, your marking that you were here to a degree. You were alive inside your mother and you were loved as though you had already been here.

American Arrogance, American Deaths

I’ve been watching and paying attention to the actions across this country as we battle this pandemic that has crippled our country. I’ve listened to peers who work in essential work careers and those who have been laid off and those who are working from home. It is a wide variety of responses, as to be expected, but it also shows why a pure Capitalistic society will always lend itself to dangers from health pandemics. We have people out here who are still going to barbershops and facilities of mass gatherings. We have churches that aren’t willing to follow guidelines and display their services online and not have people gathering in large groups in sanctuaries. People who are so starved for human interaction they’re flocking to parks in large numbers but not practicing social distancing. People still having block parties or house parties, large gatherings of people when there are specific orders to shelter in pace, aka keep yo ass at home.

Let me be clear I fully understand the need for everyone to be able to make a living. I know that the need for folks to make money is paramount because we live in a society that struggles with helping each other financially in times of crisis. Businesses don’t want to hold off on rent collection, mortgage collection, car payments and so on. I am happy to see that some of these things are changing. But the rental community, especially Apartment complex communities are wanting rent to be paid regardless of the state of their livelihoods, and that is sad, pathetic and unfortunate. I’m sure they have collected more than enough rent from all residents to allow for a moratorium on rent collection for a period of time.

I want to underscore though, that the kind of country we have makes it so difficult to accept the new norms that the health and science community want us to follow. Keep your space, don’t go out if you don’t have to, be more minimal in your approach to life. We as a society in this country always want big and over the top. We want freedom to do anything and everything at all times. Now we’re being told that we need to stop that and people are rejecting it. We aren’t listening to the professionals saying that if we don’t continue to stay home and stay away we’re going to have hundreds of thousands killed and if we are reckless, then millions can die. Are you really that needy to you have to go to a shop or salon to get your hair done. First off, where the fuck you going? Because you can’t take yo ass no where. Or are all of you really getting Easter ready so you can attend a service to give your money in droves to the church, or as a large number of you will do, have a brand new outfit and shoes and fake giving to the church so you look cute?

Which brings me to my biggest point of contention. Many of the leaders of the churches, are showing what great leadership is. They have suspended in person church services, and moved to online only. Allowing the word to still be preached, the gospel to still be given to its people and for folks to still get the leadership and guidance they need. You can get devotion and worship without being in the physical sanctuary. Now, as someone who has gone through the different stages of worship I understand why people have the needs or desires they do to be in the physical presence. Some are dependent on that energy and connection of souls and reverence they place on the sanctuary to give them that full experience of understanding. They need the union of spirits and bodies to enhance their takeaway of the word. They want that energy that goes with being present before God in a holy place.

While that is understandable, because I too use to be one of those individuals, there is the next step in your spiritual journey. Which is to understand that you do not need to be present in the church to be present in the spirit with God. You can listen and watch on television or on a laptop and get just as connected through that vessel as you can by being in the actual sanctuary. This is the next level of awakening. Understanding that God can be anywhere and everywhere at the same time. That you can be gathered at your home, while the pastor is gathered at their home and the parishioners are gathered at their homes and still fellowship together. Because where two or three are gathered in the midst there am I. It doesn’t say that there always has be a physical gathering. It just says where they are gathered. I also understand that to follow the text is to say that God wants you to treat each other as you would yourself to be treated. So I would imagine this definitely holds true in times of great upheaval. Your health is of the utmost importance. Worshipping God from home because you are being bountiful in your duties to God, is the most responsible thing you can do when you have a virus that is as ruthless and aggressive as this one is.

Yet, because tomorrow is Easter Sunday or Resurrection Sunday, many churches across this nation will open it’s doors to thousands of worshippers so they can have a performance, collect your money and preach a word to you. That to me is the textbook definition of a lack of leadership. It spits in the face of a bold leader. It defies what God said and Jesus preached. Many of you religious people will say that God’s got us. That God is not going to let anything happen to his or her people. But I question you this, you do know that you have been through challenges in your life that God let happen because you needed to learn and be taught for your own growth and understanding. You do know unnecessary challenges happen in your life when you go against what we know the wisdom to be. This is a situation where many are now going to be subjected to a virus that is killer and shows no sign of being contained, only controlled by distancing ourselves from each other. Now we’re going to unleash hell by many of you gathering in mass for something you can watch on your phones, laptops, desktops or tv screens. It is highly irresponsible and cowardice. Yes I’m sure of everything that I’m saying.

We as a people have a responsibility to protect ourselves and our fellow man. But so many of you are clamoring for something that your taking a chance on the things really aren’t needed to be chanced. It goes back though, to the leadership of this country and to the fabric of who we are as a nation. A leader who is all about himself and money. A country that made free enterprise and Capitalism its roots. We don’t take as adequate care of our people as we should. Our military vets are amongst the worst cared for in our healthcare system and other systems when they return from protecting and serving this nation. Our elderly are taken advantage of and thrown out to the wolves largely as they age, if they don’t have family or sufficient money to not need the government. Our youth are left to fend for themselves, if they aren’t born to a family that sees their lives as important and critical to protect, nurture and develop. We let the sick get raped by healthcare costs and lack of concern. Even healthy citizens are expected to constantly give more and more of themselves with less and less being paid to show for their hard work. So the response and handling of this pandemic by this country was predictable. We are and forever will be beholden to the dollar. We are beholden to the lifestyle of convenience, rather than the one of balance.

America is suffering from the same things that made it great, that are now making us suffer. We are also struggling with this virus because of ourselves. We don’t see our family members or loved ones being impacted so we say why we still inside, it’s not hitting us. Well, my message to you is keep being reckless and doing things your way, and it just might be you that is laid up needing the all the things that we see on tv are in supply currently but only by a thread. America, wake the fuck up, step the hell up and sit yo ass down if you don’t have to be out there right now. Church will be there, barbers will be there, all the luxurious things you want will be there. But we don’t protect and care for ourselves better, we won’t.

Give me your thoughts and feedback, I want to talk about this. #homeissafe

Prison Abuse

One of the most underreported and not accounted for demographic of people affected with Covid 19, aka Coronavirus, is the prison population. Including the guards and medical staffs that work in these facilities and most importantly, the inmates that are at these places. It is to my understanding that not all visitations have been halted for inmates. Additionally, you have staff personnel who go home and interact with the word daily and then have to come to work and interact with inmates. That means there is high risk for infection and an even higher risk for widespread outbreak because of the close proximity that these inmates must live in day to day.

I’m learning more and more about these individuals and their situations and it’s quite sad and pathetic. There are inmates nationwide that are now catching this virus and it’s spreading and the guards and staff are contracting this virus as well. In one Clayton County, Georgia transitional center, they have had their first positive test for Covid-19, but the response is one that to me is less than humane and it’s frankly an embarrassment. These men are continued to forced to live in even tighter confines. They have a mask, and they’re still sequestered 4 to 6 per living quarters. Not to mention, because it’s Friday and it’s Good Friday prior to Easter, they have no personnel on hand for the to lodge a complaint about the living situation amid a positive Covid-19 test.

Yes, I understand many don’t have much sympathy for the inmates in prisons and transitional facilities across America, but come on man, they’re fucking humans too. They don’t deserve to be sitting ducks, waiting for this virus to just spread like wildfires. They should have the same safety and protection protocols that we’re imploring in every day society. Maybe it is time to consider letting the nonviolent, nonintrusive inmates out, under some sort of early release program. Let them be home and safe and away from the shit of the prison. And, if you have less inmates in the prison you have more room to spread out the ones who’re left that can’t go anywhere. These are extreme times and they’re calling for extreme and unusual methods to get resolved. We need to consider our prison inmates that are in harmful and dangerous situations because they aren’t being properly care for or attended to.

I know that to some this is a controversial stance to take, because many believe that they shouldn’t be treated as human equals to the outside world because they’ve committed offenses against humanity or society. And while I can completely understand and agree with that sentiment with certain individuals, they are still human beings that need their basic rights protected and one is a protection of self. I also would urge many of you who don’t see this as a human rights issues, because you see these folks as thugs or criminals or gang bangers or whatever other term you have given them, to consider for a moment that all of us are one mistake, one bad interaction away from being right where they are. We need to stop thinking of ourselves as so holier than thou, we aren’t and the moment we realized that life’s obstacles can be just as big a determinant in what we do and the choices we have to make when those obstacles hit. Lets protect us all.

Talk back to me America

Defeat In Ignorance

Far too often I’m hearing many of my peers talk about not having a clue about what is going on in our modern day political or real world. I’m more and more unsettled by this the more I hear it. When you’re in your early 30s you need to be in tune to what’s going on with the political world around you. Simply because that is the world that will be impacting you’re every day life. The discussions, laws and platforms being displayed are the rules and boundaries we will have to overcome.

It’s not enough to claim ignorance to the current president. That in itself a the recipe for failure and disaster. That is what cost this country in the last election cycle for President. Too many people not engaged and either not voting or simply following the popular trade winds. Saying you didnt vote and having no reason why is sad and shameful.

We’re living in a time where we have a White House that’s lying to us daily. We have a President who constantly lies, blisters, and bullshits the country. We are in the midst of a bruising fight for the nomination of the democratic party. Which means we need all of us to pay attention. Young, middle aged, old and everything in between, the time has been past for you to inform yourself. Yet now more than ever there can be no excuses as to why you’re not engaged and involved.

Please make no mistake about this. The more people who say they’re not informed. They say they dont keep up, the more it plays to the advantage of Trump and Republicans. If you stay home and don’t vote you’re in effect doing the same thing. You’re making it one vote easier for whomever you oppose. And for those of you who say your one vote doesn’t matter, let’s do some math.

If one million people thought the same way and stayed home and didn’t vote imagine what could happen. You realize in 2016 Hillary Clinton lost Michigan, Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania all by a total of less than a million votes. Still think your vote doesn’t matter? Every state needs your vote. Change happens when you’re informed and you make a decision using that information to affect change.

Time to stop sitting on your as and get involved. Learn about the candidates and what their positions are. Because what’s happening now shapes what the future society you live in looks like. Step up and do your part.

The Black Vote

Sadly I have to write this post again to remind people why in the Black community, the Gay, White, former Mayor of South Bend Indiana will never get the Black vote in enough numbers to become the nominee for President of the Democratic party.

See unfortunately, Black people are still socially conservative on the whole. Which means they still don’t like accepting the LGBTQ+ community. Amongst the highest number of gay teens homeless are Black. Among the highest number of adults withdrawn from their families and disparaged are Black, gay men. For whatever the reason is Black people are still operating in a black of ancient beliefs. They still cling onto the bible and the misinformed passages regarding same sex relations.

No matter how religious Mayor Pete says he is that will never allow him to be endeared to the Black community. One he is white and a little too clean cut. He’s also seen as uninspiring and privileged. He also comes from a state that has had its share of stereotyping that make it difficult for the community to support him. Couple that with the issues of his police department with a Black resident of his city and most definitely that lends itself to failing to gain traction among us.

While it’s not completely indicative of all of the Black community, in the Deep South, it is definitely the practice of many of those people to not support the gay community too steady. If you listen to his stances and policy positions, he actually would be good for the Black community. He also has the experience of being a war vet, you would think that makes him capable of handling the military, where many of our people enlist as well. His other big problem is he’s still young. Pete is only 37 years old. That too for whatever the reason scares Black people because many seem to think that you gotta be older with some grey showing to take you seriously.

So good luck Pete, but this isn’t the right time, you’re not in the right place and you aren’t the right candidate for this moment.

Game of the Gays

Listen, I’m all for the chase and the theory that you dont wanna make things too easy for someone. Easy come easy go. I get all that shit, but got damn it I’m sick of the dumb ass games gay dudes like to play. It absolutely is the most disgusting and annoying thing because it plays on the desires of gays only to extract what they want and then once it’s gotten becomes a game catch me if you can.

Never did I think this shit would get this fuckin outlandish. Guys be claiming to want to go on dates and learn you and build bond before bending over, but they can’t even get thru that lie before they’ve moved to the next story to keep them from having to be responsible for their actions, words and decisions. And lets be clear, if you don’t want to deal with a person there ain’t nothing wrong with that, but damn bruh just tell the truth and don’t bullshit someone just so you can feel better.

I say this with great fervor and vigor, time and energy are things that are never recovered. No matter how much someone can apologize to you for not being upfront and legit. No matter how sincere they seem, though I would argue that it would be bullshit, you can still never get back that which was lost. Your time and effort and energy is priceless and needs to be kept for people who fit whatever it is you want. I’m just saying if you want to just fuck say that. If you looking to get some consistent ass, then say that. Enough of the fake shit saying you want something real but it breaks down to you just want to have a classy or nonwhorelike fuck.

When you continue to play games with people or use people for your own sexual satisfaction know that you should at least give them the real business so they know how to approach. The sad part is most people won’t give a damn if they abuse your psyche to get what they want because the empathy of us in the community of color that’s gay is really lacking. Funny, people would rather ignore the decency of respect for each other all in the name of a nut.

Disgusting and pathetic.. talk back to me

Fam Letdown

Let’s discuss a topic that is needed in the black community. Why do so many black families push their kids put the house at age 18? There is a deep “tradition” parents pushing their kids out the house once they graduate high school. I’m very lost as to why this happens. Where does it come from? So many other races guide and ease their children out the house. Allowing them to attain the skills necessary to survive on their own in the real world.

Somehow we as people tend to think if you give your kid mostly what they want and all of what they need, then sending they ass packing out the door once they 18. Where the fuck did this come from? What historical context do we have for something like this? I tend to think that if you gradually go about building independce for your kids and giving them the tools they need to be successful, when they leave the house they’ll be more successful.

It’s almost as if the parents seem to forget that we never asked to be here. It was also not our decision to be spoiled by y’all, for those that are. All we did was learn and grow as we were taught to do. It will never be something that can be explained because the reality is the shit makes no sense whatsoever. What is the thought process behind this type of love? Not all tough love is necessary and certainly not effective if you don’t correctly prepare the kid for the world they’re about to embark on.

Trust Truth and Lies

Well.. I know that anybody who reads this has had encountered situations where these three words were front and center. Whether you had or have trust issues or you’ve been fed lies that shook your trust, or you kept getting a changing truth that made trust hard to give.

Something I can never understand is why gay niggas feel the need to lie, hide and play the role just to get acceptance from someone. To me that’s like the first rule of dealing and dating, don’t play the role just because. It makes everything become a question. It raises doubt about the legitimacy of the person and their intentions. It creates unnecessary tension, solely because you decided that you needed to have a backup plan or wanted to protect your spot somewhere.

It is a false premise and a foundation breaking situation. It makes people less likely to want to help you and to believe in what you say. I wanna question someone who chooses to operate in this manner. I want to know why do you feel that’s the best thing for you to do? Why do u think the other person shouldn’t be upset with you? Why do you feel that you should get defensive when the shit comes to light during discussion? It defies logic and reason. You lie and present a facade and think that your word should still be trusted? Who the fuck does that? It’s selfish and uncaring. It’s very disrespectful and wrong.

I get it that the world seems to think all decisions should be made to ensure self preservation and to avoid falling if you make a misstep. But the reality of the situation is that falling is part of life. Trying to mitigate that by manipulating a situation is wrong. It can cost you a good friend or more depending on how deep you play your role. It creates hard feelings, it creates distrust and usually that’s where friendships and relationships meet their grave.

I’ve always said I respect the person who tells the truth, even if it hurts or is uncomfortable. The authenticity with which we move is far more important than covering your ass with lies. Basically, it always catches back up to you too. The same way you moved to get next that individual will be the same way your shit gets exposed. No one deserves to have this happen, and when they do it’s not necessary to pay lip service either. Be a grown ass individual, own your shit and move forward. Accept your wrong and try to move forward repairing the damage you created.

Like I said, I will never fucking understand why people do this shit. If your that damn pressed for a backup, don’t do your primary option if there isnt a measure of certainty behind it. Talk to me y’all. Have u been through to it? Talk back to me

An Endless Cycle

Today started as any other normal day. Wake up early, shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, start my truck, do my hair, fix my lunch and out the door I go. No matter if it’s raining, cold, windy or hot, this is my daily morning routine. In the office working, usually before most arrive, to get overtime on my check. It’s a blessing no mistaking that, but I’m tired. I work every day one job or both jobs. No rest for the weary, grinding trying to keep myself forward moving. I’m not tryna keep up wit nobody cuz that shit means nothing. Just trying to get ahead for myself.

But to me there in lies the problem and the solutions I’m just not sure how much I trust them. I have a job it pays my bills but the shit ain’t making me come up. I work a second job to me increase but them bitches bout to slice and make that pay drop. Which begs the question is it time to find another side hustle? That’s always the complicated part. A side job has restraints because it serves as a backup not primary. And yet because the money becomes good, you keep sacrificing because ur trying to find the next move to make.

In the midst of that challenge u get hit with all the other shit that life brings. Death of those close to you. Breakdowns, disappointments, lack of trust and the list goes on. It’s almost like existing to trick urself that the answer is just around the corner. It’s dealing with things just because u don’t have the energy and because u don’t call the shots, is ultimately pointless. The same shit day after day, very little variation in what the agenda is, just variety in how the mission gets accomplished.

It’s a byproduct of making bad choices and having unfortunate circumstances. Its battling back from the brink of destruction and possibly death to find parts of u that were ravished;while also accepting that ur broken and not sure if u will be fixed. It’s dealing with the demons that permeate ur thoughts at times. It’s knowing that ur labor rate is so much more than what u see twice a month and struggling to break out that box.

It’s always feeling the breakthrough near, but not quite being able to reach out nd snatch it. Feeling like the landmines continuously trip u up and u have to start from A or B again. Toiling in unnecessary situations only to get back to that point and repeat. The cycle seems relentless, wondering will it be broken. Will I ever attain the lofty goals and dreams. Not knowing which way to turn in order to make that needed, missing connection. What to do? How to do it?

Tired of hurting, feeling pain and grief. Unsure of what to do, how to move and when to move. They cycle goes on every day. It’s like a thriller, only you know the outcome and still it’s just as horrifying at times. You can see it coming from a distance. You can feel it coming like a dark, mysterious cloud. I just truly wonder how do we undue this cycle. How can the repetition be broken? I’m not sure just yet, but I’m tired and I was always told that u get sick and tired of being sick and tired, u make a change.

Stay tuned