lifestyle

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A Self Reflection

One of the things that has happened as a result of the Covid pandemic is people have had lots of time to be home. A lot times alone, to think about themselves, their lives and where they are in life. Many people have talked about feelings of depression and sadness because they haven’t been able to be as socially active, not able to interact physically with friends and family. It has forced, in my opinion, people to think about things they’re happy with, but more deeply, things that they’re unhappy about. Things that may have hurt and people that have been lost. It has forced people also to look at themselves and see if they are truly happy with where their life is or are they feeling a sense of dissatisfaction.

I find myself, of late, in this position. I have been thinking a little more often about where I am in this stage of my life. I don’t see the level of personal or professional satisfaction that I expected to have at this point. Most of it is self inflicted wounds. I haven’t always allowed myself to stay focused on my goals, be it professionally or personally and it has started to really bother me. I think what also makes it more difficult is I really don’t know just yet which way to turn in order to make the changes that I really want to make. I feel a sense of being stuck and just spinning my wheels in the same type of pattern. But, there are also times where I see progress being made. I see things getting better, I see certain facets improving and I’m happy in a couple regards, but I see too much inconsistency and it bothers me still.

I’m not really sure why it is that I feel so incomplete at this point honestly. There really are good things happening but something inside tells me that it’s not enough. Some things are also telling me that it feels like I’m out of place now. I think this may be what some have talked about when they say they’ve felt despondent and listless. Like they just don’t want to anything and not feeling inspired. Then they get help to reorganize and stabilize themselves. Maybe for me I’m at that point of needing that type of assistance. The truth is though, I don’t really have anyone that I trust to really get into the depths of things like I need to and talking to a professional ain’t cheap.

For me sometimes, I just really feel like I’ve failed myself and let myself down so much. I figured that by this time in life I would be much further along in my professional career. And if I’m being honest, I would’ve been had personal issues not impeded that progress and blown up all the great work I had accomplished. At least three times that I can count where this has happened. Personally, I thought I would have been married by now and had a family started. Real shit, I was close to both things happening on a couple of occasions. I’ve been seriously engaged three times and each one failed to produce a marriage. I’ve been on the verge of having kids twice, once lost to abortion, against my will and without my knowledge. Second time, due to a miscarriage.

It just feels like for me each time I get close to things and take three steps forward, something happens and there are five steps back. It gets to a point honestly, where you feel exhausted and worn out. You think and question whether or not it’s meant for you to have it. Even though you start working on those goals again, you just wonder if you’re in the right place at the right time/ And you realize that it’s a matter of time and opportunity for those things to show themselves and that is one of the most difficult parts to it all. All I really want is a sign of some sort. Something to confirm or deny what I’m doing. I know that I never plan to stop trying to attain those goals. Time will tell if it’s going to happen.

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Heart Chronicles

I’m sure if you read down the list there are quite a few blogs written about this topic, but I’m going to write about it again because I think it is one of the most underrated and least understood concepts in relationships. Just talking about the type of person you are, just telling someone about the types of things of you like doesn’t mean that you actually do them. Nor does it mean that it’s the end of the situation and because you said it, then it’s true so there needs to be no actions to demonstrate what you said. I think people get confused because when they are approached in conversation about the things talked about not happening, too many times the response is why am I proving myself or my love to you?

The truth is we all have to prove ourselves. Yes, you do have to show that what you is real. It has always been like that in all walks of life and in all things that we do. What it does is it shows that you are not just about talking about something, it means that you do what you say. It means that it truly is your character to act that way, not just talk. It means that you are dependable to hold true to what you say you’re going to do. More than proving your love, what you’re doing is proving yourself. We always know what the old saying is.. Actions speak louder than words. It is true all the times because anybody can say anything. You can tell me that you are the best athlete in the world, but if you can’t demonstrate that in a sporting event, then it’s just simply words with no proof.

Love is a lot like that. You can say that you’re a lover, an affection person, but if you don’t show that action then what does that really say? It means that you’re just talking, you’re not really that person because you can’t show the action that verifies what you say. If you say that you are highly sexual but there is no sex life, it’s scarce at best, then what does that mean in regards to your person? It means to me, that you’re not really that person. It means that you talk about something but you have no intention on showing this to be true. Actions and words have always gone hand in hand in life and they always will. If you’re the person who tries to push back against complaints of not being genuine to your words by saying, “Why I gotta prove myself to you?” What you’re doing is telling someone that you’re a lie and you just want to ear hustle. You know, use your mouth to get what you want, but not actually do what you say.

This type of person is one that makes being in a relationship complicated. Because on the one hand, we all love to hear the things that make us feel good or the things that we relate to, or that syncs up with us. So when that person tells you these things it makes you feel good, and while you’re still in the learning phases, you are inclined to believe them and give them the chance to show that they are that person. Yet, what happens when those opportunities present themselves and the actions don’t follow is you learn they can’t be trusted, because they aren’t being real and legitimate about who they really are. Again, actions show who you really are as a person, not just the words you speak. You must be able to show that you do what you say.

What will happen over time, is you will wear out your welcome. Meaning, people will sour on you because you say one thing and do another. You don’t follow through and that makes you unreliable. I can’t explain to people how much a lack of action leads to relationships ending more times than not. Sex is the leading thing that this shows up. A person talks on the phone or through text messages about being very sexual, then when the in person action comes, there is nothing that happens that verifies that. Talking about it honestly won’t solve the issue unless it gets backed up with action. This is true also when it comes to just affection and intimacy. It’s very to say that you like affection, but when you’re together, do you actually show it? If not, it usually leads to issues because nobody wants to be in a relationship where shit is boring and mundane. Where all you do is just have simple convos, or convos about days past, yet no actions that build memories and moments in the present.

If you read this and you can relate, I wonder which end are you relating from. Are you the person who has no problem delivering the actions and your partner struggles? Or, are you the person who loves to mouth hustle? You can talk a damn good game but can’t back it up with your actions? How fair do you think it is if you want real love, that you can’t show the love you talk about?

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Heart Chronicles

Something that I urge everyone to do is to think about what the word vulnerable means to you. In more detailed words, how does you being vulnerable affect you and your decision to get into a relationship? How likely are you to take your guard down to let someone in? Because it is my belief that once you have amassed some baggage from being hurt and disappointed in relationships, you tend to restrict the level of vulnerability to show in order to protect yourself. And believe me I truly understand why you would want to do that, but the question I have is are you willing to alter yourself so much to the point that you might miss the one for you, because you don’t want to be vulnerable enough to let them in to see the true, full you?

This is a discussion that I know has many different view points and there may not be a majority opinion to be had because it’s so subjective, but I truly believe that you have to make a decision at some point after you’ve been hurt, to allow your heart to be open to being loved by someone. If you are truly a hopeless romantic then this really isn’t a problem for you. As you naturally are predisposed to allowing yourself to be open to love. It’s your nature so you will want to let someone in to see if they’re going to make you feel how you want to feel. If you’re the shy type, it will most definitely be difficult for you to open back up to love. But that is the test of your heart and your mentality.

As someone who has a significant amount of baggage in his life, I truly think that this situation is multifaceted and it can ebb and flow with the emotions that you feel and the affection that you’re receiving from people or that special someone. I feel like there is always a push pull when it comes to being vulnerable. You feel the need to let your guard down to some extent in order to go through the process of finding the one you want or letting them find you. But on the other hand, you may also feel the need to hold back and reserve some until you truly feel as though that person is going to hold you down the same way that you’re holding them down. That can sometimes be problematic as well. Consider this point.. what if both of you have some baggage and are needing to feel the stability from each other to really release that hesitation? Who takes that lead to say I’m going to pull you and you can pull me too?

I think more times than not that happens in relationships between people with a past. One of the parties recognizes that there is a need for one to pull the rope for the other to follow. And it is in that moment you find out who is true to their words. You also find out who is willing to be the alpha. the lead person in the relationship and who will be more of the submissive person. Yes, I know that may be a little controversial but I do believe that once someone steps up to take the lead role that person will hold it for a prolonged period of time, until it is necessary for the other partner to lead on something they feel comfortable carrying their partner through. The ability to show that vulnerability of leadership and support, while the other submits and follows along is critical to a relationship. Truthfully both people don’t lead at the same time, it doesn’t work, neither can both parties be submissive it doesn’t work either.

When you are truly vulnerable, you allow all of your true traits to show. And if you are compatible with your partner they will respond accordingly because they are open enough to trust what you put forth. Honestly, that is how it should and needs to work. Anything else and you’re being disingenuous and that will always lead to failure. So take the time to make sure that you are ready to be vulnerable and then you will allow yourself to be open to be found, or to find your love.

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Quality Time Versus Quantity Time

If you know anything about me then you know that I always tell people to be careful of how they describe time spent together. I believe that there is a big misconception that simply because you are around someone that it means you’re spending quality time with them, or just because you live together it means all your time is quality and that just isn’t true. In fact I believe that more people misjudge and often times neglect to have meaningful time together with their partners when they live together. Typically because one or both parties think that living together automatically means quality time together.

So here’s the thing about that. There is nothing quality about laying in bed together while one person or the both of you are just scrolling and typing away on the phone, not really interacting with each other. There is nothing quality about one person trying to be intimate or just have real quality time while the other does just sit on their phone and dismiss the offering of time from their partner. That is neglect in the purest form and something that can lead to trouble in your relationship. Just because you have a high quantity of time together, you have to make sure you get quality out of some of that time. That will and is always the key to healthy relationships, making sure you get quality time out of every day possible.

I think that when we’re younger we have a greater tendency to mix up the two because we maybe haven’t had the experience to better inform us of which one we really are performing, and we haven’t been shown or told how to really have quality time until we have had that relationship that puts a focus on it, causing us to pay more attention to just how we are spending time with the one we love. It’s a loophole that doesn’t get covered as much by parents or people who are influences to us. If it is discussed it isn’t given the requisite time it deserves in order to be properly understood. So here’s the deal.. Being on your phone all damn day and laying under your partner doesn’t equal quality time. Not focusing on each other for a period of the day without your phones is not quality time it’s just time, quantity time.

Now if you two are making a Youtube channel video while you’re online, that’s one thing, but the overwhelming majority aren’t so it wouldn’t apply. I really get tired of people trying to make the argument that all they need is to be next to the person they love and that’s quality time for them. Have you looked up the definition of the word quality. Laying there with no interaction or limited interaction isn’t a definition in the world quality. So how about if while you’re laying there y’all put the phones down and watch a couple movies or have dinner together or play video games together or get real intimate, where you fuck or not, that time is valuable. Or have a deep conversation to learn things deeper about you two and your desires together.

Do any of those activities for a bit, or sing and dance together, whatever it is there is where you have created quality time. That will make the both of you feel a lot better than just your face planted in the phone not or barely acknowledging the others presence. It is great important and value in making great use of the time you get to spend together. It is my belief that things operate on cycles. There will come time where the two of you won’t have that time to spend lots of it together. Work, children, family will intercede and require you guys to have less time together, making quality time less available and even more important. If you lack having it then, when times have gotten tighter, it could be the relationship killer.

I challenge you all to take time and think about what kind of time to you spend with your partners? Is it more quality than quantity or is it more quantity than quality?

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Friends With Benefits

Simple title, should be simple concept but apparently it’s very complicated and too many people seem to not take the nondirect clues or they want more than what it is. Now, just to give disclosure this doesn’t apply to me, but I’ve been watching some shows and know many people who this situation has happened to and I still don’t understand why people try to place blame on someone when this situation unfolds and one parties feelings gets hurt because a dynamic shifts. I’m going to explain this and try to make sure it’s understood why this type of setup should be very simple and not complicated.

If you’ve ever had a situation like this then you already know what the title of this writing means, if you haven’t well I will tell you. A friend with benefits is someone that you have a friendship with but you guys do extra and other things. Not just like going out together or having dinner, but you have a sexual, intimate component to your situation. But, it is an understanding in place that you aren’t exclusive, you aren’t building towards a relationship, it simply means that you don’t want to restrict yourself to only platonic dealings, you want to get sexual and not have to worry about feelings being caught behind it. Plain and simple that is the jest of the situation. This is what should happen in this type of arrangement, but, it’s commonly not how it goes.

In this situation what usually winds up happening is someone catches feelings. One of the parties likes all the attention and the intimacy and so on that happens, which leads to one getting feelings where it should just be fun and casual. I have been in these types of situationships before and I can say that while I do have an understanding for why one person catches feelings, I don’t agree with or accept it because when it’s clearly understood what’s going to happen, then there is no reason that blame should be assigned or angry feelings felt if the feelings aren’t mutual. If you are the type of person who can’t handle a setup like that, then I suggest you never agree with someone who says that’s all that they really want from you. Or, if you drop hints about being serious and they never really commit to it or talk about it, take that as a clue that you’re going too far and the whole situation may be called off.

If you are the person who is a hopeless romantic type person, this type of situation will never work for you. It will always leave you unfulfilled and wanting more, so don’t waste your time. If you’re the person who doesn’t like to be alone, but you also aren’t sure that you’re the relationship type this situation could be perfect for you. You have a friend that you kick it with and fuck around with, but you know that there is nothing serious between you two. Sounds like you’re getting the best of both worlds. You know the occasional sleep over and shit. Now, if you’re the person who is kinda broken and you might not be ready for a relationship then you could also be perfectly setup to benefit from this situation. But you also be setting yourself up for failure.

See the person who is trying to heal and recover from a relationship usually wants someone to keep them company and help to ease their pain. Usually they can rebound too quickly and jump into a relationship before they’re ready, but if they’re smart they also get into a friends with benefits situation and that can generally appease them until they feel they are ready to put their heart into it again. Then there is the person who doesn’t want anything serious and just wants to fuck around. This setup works for them too as long as it doesn’t seem too personal or exclusive. It’s pretty self explanatory too.

Hopefully this post will help people understand why if you aren’t a direct talker but you exhibit these actions and someone says they were misled or anything of the sort, this will clear it up. It should always be understood that physical actions work as well as actual words. Pay attention to the situation and the person. Don’t overplay the deal and you will be fine.

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Insta/Snap/Book Influencer

Yea if you on social media then you are likely to know what these apps are. Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook. And I can’t forget Twitter either. All of these social media vices are where most of the country absorbs it’s content. From news to sports to entertainment to social activities and events. Social media has become the largest influence over society. Print Media and Television media have become second and third in whatever order you want, but their importance has definitely diminished as instant news and idealist news has become the it thing in society. When you can have someone who looks like you and talks like you deliver what you think is the news. It’s usually their slant on what’s going on in the world and more specifically the country we live in.

It’s gone so far that now we have people labeling themselves as influencers. What does it mean when you call yourself that? More important what does it mean when a generation of people believe it without questioning the source or the validity of such a claim? It means that we are living is a bit of dangerous times. Social media as a whole is and has been a positive. It allows for people to unite far quicker than needing to call and get people in place. It allows for messages to be disseminated to the masses quickly and efficiently. It allows for you to find someone that you need to find, for people to memorialize themselves without having to pay lots of money to do so. It allows for people to be discovered without sacrificing their livelihoods to do so. All positives and things that have helped move us forward as a society.

However, it has also come with a great cost. It has allowed for social media thugs. People that pretend they’re hard or living a tough life, while really they are the total opposite. It allows for an alarmingly high rate of bullying, especially among teens. That has led to far too many deaths because of these hurtful actions. It had lead to pressures of having sex earlier than one wants, just to fit in with the crowd. It has led to people fighting and being killed over the go live culture. People who need to feed their egos and fan the flames rather than put them out. There are so many things that social media has been used for that is unhealthy and it has been used for many helpful things as well,

What it means is that the more that people, societies and cultures gravitate towards this vice for business and personal use, it is incumbent upon us to be more respectful and thoughtful. We all know someone who has benefited from the rise of social media and someone or people who have been hurt and as a result of social media. While we will never fully remove the negatives that are associated with social use, we can definitely control how much we allow people to attempt to tear each other down. Remember that even though you can’t be “seen” doesn’t mean you are all powerful. Consequences come with everything that we do, both good and bad. So with the rise of the influencer title, comes a rise in responsibility.

If that is something that you don’t want to assume, responsibility that is, then don’t label yourself as a influencer and don’t seek that mantle. Truth it that is millions of people out here looking for someone to believe in. Someone that will speak to them in a way they understand and can relate to. Someone who may be able to relate to their life and maybe help better their life and in some cases save their life. There is more to social media than just crystalizing a moment, or shaking ya ass for the camera or mike dropping on somebody. It is also to inform, connect, build, and inform. So choose your social media outlets wisely, Whether you know it or not, whatever you indulge in is influencing what you believe in and the view you take on things.

Be smart, be wise social media influence is on the rise.

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Religious Masters

You know I really wonder just how is it that White and Black people see God so differently and yet the same in many ways? I don’t know if it’s the theology being taught, or if it’s the history of religion that makes the two races have similar and differing places from which they come from. I thought about this because I was watching a movie yesterday and the characters were all white. The main antagonists were heavily religious zealots who felt that they were doing God’s will by abducting and killing young White women. It’s a concept that I have seen in almost every single movie where religion is the main plot and the focal characters are white.

I sat and wondered to myself why is this the case. Why is it that when I watch a Black movie about faith, there is a rigidity there but it’s also an undertone of love and compassion for following the rules of God. And then a wrath or a damning if you don’t follow what that person sees as God’s will. White people, their movies always say that one or two characters are the conduits for God. They’ve been spoken to and told to do harm to others who are devils or devil worshippers in order to please God and secure their place in heaven. When you think about that, to me that isn’t what God is all about. It shouldn’t be what religion is all about either, but unfortunately it is. Religion is suppose to be about guidance and togetherness. Bringing people the gospel and letting them decide how to incorporate it into their lives.

Both of these paths though, have tenants that I reject, and is why I am a Spiritual Christian not a Religious Christian. I believe that there is a gang like mentality to Religious people. They don’t want to accept people who aren’t like them. That don’t walk and breathe like they do when it comes to the God and scripture. I am very despondent as a Black, Gay male because people are so quick to want to take that Bible and castigate me if I don’t subscribe to some kind of Exorcism to take the gay away from me. This premise is stupid in every way to me. You know people keep saying that Gay is this major sin and so on, but there have been Gay people on this planet since the beginning of time. So what does that mean? Because to these Bible toting Christians God created it all and hates Gay people. But answer me this if God created all and knows all, then God created Gays and we should be accepted.

It is something that has split families and households apart because there is religious rigidity that seems to settle in amongst the religious folks. Like they’re the only ones who are right. Like they have all the answers. It’s as though they forget about the fact that they’re human and the only perfect being is God, who created the son Jesus. How are we to ever assume that in all situations we have the answers just because we are religious believers of Christ. If you read in the text it doesn’t say that at all. It doesn’t say that you are always correct or you always have the high ground because you base your bias or prejudice on the text. It is in times like these that we should be looking to the text for what it really is, a guide and a blueprint. It provides some structures and foundations upon which we should operate and conduct ourselves.

The Bible gives you moral and philosophical basis from which you can take lessons and grow towards. The text also preaches about love for each other and respect for each other. Yes it gives things that also shouldn’t be done and it also tells of things that shouldn’t be done when rebuilding a society and that grown men shouldn’t be sleeping with children. These are the places that we should be building from and understanding that religion is to be a common gathering ground. It’s suppose to be a way for people who believe in God and Christ to come together to bond spiritually, not act like thugs and judges and determine who is deserved of the love of God.

Some point in time we will finally realize that faith is something that should be a uniting thing and not a diving thing. From television shows to movies to real life, religion is always painted in a oxymoronic position. It serves to be the judge for some in terms of people they don’t agree with or feel represent God, but then it serves as their moral compass and compassion for when they want to try to reach out and bridge a divide created unnecessarily. How about we change the way we use religion and think about it. Use it for the purpose of love and support, growth and togetherness. Then we can possibly bring more souls closer to God.

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The Week Sports Took A Stand

As a black man, I’m so proud of the statement that was made this week by the NBA, WNBA, MLB, NHL and WTA. Due to the great courage and leadership of the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks, sports stopped and athletes said that they will not continue to be marginalized and ignored. Black athletes said that they will no longer entertain the masses on television and be killed in cold blood in the streets. I’ve heard many people say well what did that accomplish. The answer is it accomplished a lot. It made the world stop and ask why. It caused the issues of police brutality and racial inequality take forefront once again. It brought some of the families of some of these black people who have been murdered by police back into the spot light.

We got another march on Washington today. We got more actionable items by sports franchises, including voter registration and calls to legislators in their states. More conversation on the demands to be made and those demands becoming more crystal clear. Demanding new legislation to tackle the police unions, legislation to address racial inequality in the justice system, rooting out prejudicial and racist police officers. All these things are necessary if we are going to advance the cause and movement for equality. These are the things that happened as a result of the athletes taking a stand and refusing to play games on television. So if you think their boycotts did nothing, well I guess your view is a little narrow.

The women of the WNBA have taken it even a higher level and it has to be applauded. It’s a shame that because their game isn’t as popular that their messages aren’t seen as much, but they are just as powerful. They have taken a stand and refuse to not be heard. This to me is exactly what should happen. Entertainment is not more important than lives. Black lives are just as important and critical as the black athletes that entertain you night after night. They give all they have so you can be distracted from the daily grind, but you won’t respect their views and lives when they’re off the court or if they’re not entertaining you. Enough is enough. This has been a watershed week and one that will never be forgotten.

This is the time to continue to put pressure and energy on this issue. Voting in two months on November 3 is so critical. No exceptions and no excuses. No need to try and say that there is nothing in it for you because that’s a lie. Your future is at risk. Your equality and freedoms are at risk. When will we say that it can no longer be about ignoring what’s difficult. For all you people who are tired of hearing about this subject, close your damn ears, shut your eyes or just go somewhere else. You’re probably the same people that give lip service about supporting the movement but don’t really want change. Or maybe you’re the people who are happy with how things are now, because it favors you and your family and people so this struggle isn’t relevant to you.

If you can’t understand why this shouldn’t and won’t go away anytime soon, maybe you need to sit down and listen more closely. Maybe you need to find some black people and talk to them about why we’re demanding equality and justice. I will not stop writing about the issue. No matter whether it gets may clicks and views or no clicks and views, I will continue to memorialize my thoughts and feelings. So when history is written, my children and grandchildren and generations of my family yet to be born can know that I was here and that I stood for something relevant and important to my people. That I have done my part voting and engaging in the process.

The message from the week that was is stand up and stand for something. Don’t let your actions be dictated for you or to you, dictate what you do. Change is something that never happens overnight. Grand scale change happens day by day. With little steps and big steps. It starts with a call to action and ends with tangible action. We are in the midst of change, don’t stop, won’t stop.

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Remember the First times

A little bit of fun before back to the realness of the world. So I was sitting around just letting my mind wonder and I started thinking back to some of the first times that I did things. This isn’t really about sex or love, though all of those things crossed my mind. I just took a little time to think about what it was like having my firsts. The real ones and the pretend ones. LOL. We all know when we was little kids playing house or whatever you played, we had our first kisses and little grinds on each other. Then you remember your actual first time. Whether it was wanted or not. Whether it was stolen from you or you gave it willingly. Or whether it was brand new or used. Happiness or disappointment.

I remember the first real kiss I had, I was in elementary school and I really wanted to see what it was like. I kissed her and she liked it so she kissed me back. LOL, my first time kissing a man, wow. It was really nerve-wrecking to me. It felt weird but then I really liked it. But because at the time I wasn’t able to be out with it, it was a lowkey thing that I just held inside. Then I think about my first car. It was a surprise to me and one that I was geeked about. It was a brand new 2000 Pontiac Sunfire. It was red with a sunroof and it fit me just perfectly. It was very noticeable and I was always spotted by friends out and about. My mom brought my first car and she showed up to my job as I was getting off in my car. When I figured out it was mines, I couldn’t get the smile off my face.

Then I thought about the first car that I brought. It was a different feeling. It made me feel like a grown up because this was the first major thing I was buying for myself in my own name. Which then I thought about the first relationship that I was in, gay that is. It was really something unexpected. He was two years older than me. He was tall, light skin and so in control and confident. It was a two and a half year love affair, that saw so many ups and downs. Being young and trying to find myself in the gay world and in a relationship was a lot. He understood my insecurities and helped me to grow into being a man. But, it wasn’t as confident as I thought and that led to the end of the deal.

Remembering the first time I had sex is a little bit harder. I did a lot as a young child. I was very curious and my first time having sex with a girl happened when I was around 11 years old. My first time having sex with a guy was around the same age, maybe a little bit younger. It was a lot because at that time puberty hadn’t hit me, so honestly I was pretty much taking his and it hurt, but it was something that I knew that I wanted to continue feeling. Another first that I recall is the first time I tried to get someone pregnant. Wild and so irresponsible, but it was when I was 18 before I went to college. The person I dated, we was hot in the ass and tried to make it happen. It failed and it was probably for the best.

The first time I said I Love You and meant it was definitely something I don’t forget. It was with my first boyfriend and it was something I never thought I would say. But, it was something I was happy that I felt. My first ever car accident was scary as hell. It was something out of a movie. I was taking my partner home and it started to rain, a tractor trailer was coming up the country road and I was going down. Road too narrow, the tractor trailer took up half my lane. I tried to swerve to miss the truck but the slickness of the grass caught my tires and sent my car on a trip. It whipped hard across the street, into the ditch and up and over. It tumbled at least 3 times on the side and landed on the roof. The windows were smashed and I had to crawl out through the driver side window. Thankfully I was not hurt and my seatbelt definitely saved my life.

I remember the first time I was accused of being a criminal. It was here in Atlanta, and it was one of the most traumatizing times in my life. I was swarmed by police from all angles. No less than 7 marked and unmarked units. Guns drawn and police dogs were on the scene. I was scared and didn’t make any movements. I allowed the officers to find my wallet after telling them where it was. It was a call someone made saying a tall dark skin man wearing black and red was breaking into cars. I was a tall, dark man standing at the back of my car eating, talking to a friend. No apology was given, they just disappeared as quickly as they came.

All the other firsts are amazing and weren’t thought of at that time but I can surely think of them. My first apartment, The first time I traveled outside my home state of Virginia. The first time I went to college. My first time getting drunk, first time smoking weed. My first job and other firsts. I dare you to think of some of your firsts. Laugh, cry, all the things inbetween. Just take a little time to reflect and see how things have changed, how you have grown.

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Sexual Therapy

Have you waited a while to have sex with your lover for whatever reason and once you do it you feel this euphoria? You have this ease and peace about you, if they fucked you good, or you fucked them good? What is that about and why is that type of therapy such a necessary thing for the health and happiness of your relationship? I know I touch on this topic on a regular basis and that’s because I feel that it is needed. Being comfortable talking about sex, the different elements and the necessity for it should be something that is done more often.

Now back to the topic at hand. When you haven’t been fully sexually satisfied in a minute, there is nothing like getting some A1 ass, fye dick, wet ass pussy to put your minds at ease. Focusing on this is necessary for a number of reasons, one, if you have questions about the chemistry look no further than the level of sex you have. If it’s basic and usual, maybe you got problems. If it’s good and improving then you just might be on the right track. If it’s great and fulfilling then you got exactly what you need. It makes you feel like the king or queen. It gives you a sense of completion that your partner fucks you or you fuck your partner so good. If you don’t have to tell your mate how to do it, which way to do it because they know your body, how does that make you feel?

If you’ve had the foreplay leading into the sex so your always moist and the dude is already stimulated, just how much better is that sex than if it just seems set up and happens? What does it do to your mental and emotional psyche when you have sex that feels so good. That sex that makes you either hungry as fuck or fall into a slumber for awhile? These feelings that you have are important to the health of your relationship. It can provide a sense of security that you might not otherwise have if you aren’t having sex. Or if when you do have sex it isn’t good. Or if the sex feels rushed, or if one of you feels disconnected in some way.

I don’t pretend to subscribe to the notion that a healthy relationship can survive without a regular sex life. I don’t believe that you’re matched with someone to only experience parts of them. It is fully my belief that relationships are meant to have all elements involved. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. There should be levels of connectedness that make you feel like you and that person are one more times than not. Individual journeys being woven together by life experiences together, by conversations and by the best sex that each of you can provide. Tell me how does one feel that they have you if they don’t really have that deep physical intimacy that needs to be had? You can be as emotionally connected as you want, but if you don’t feel anything when it’s time to get physical, I don’t believe that you will stay together long term.

Sometimes what you really need to feel is the love of that person. To have that man feel your strength. To go through that release of tension, that rush of energy and pleasure is a feeling that nothing can compare to. There is amount of talking or cuddling that will actually replace the physical touching and tangling and mixing of bodies. I challenge you to go home and put it down on your lovers if it’s time. And even if you just recently did that tell me how did you feel when it was done? Did you just want to bask in the moment? If you’re the person that will do this today, I bet when you’re done you will enjoy that person just a little more than you did before.