Trumps Reighn of Terror

I wonder how many people are sitting to themselves thinking, what the fuck was I thinking, now in the aftermath of three years of Donald Trump as POTUS. Let me give you a quick rundown of the groups Trump is screwing with his policies. Farmers and US manufacturing with his China Trade War, that seems to have no end in sight. Remember he said this would hurt China way more than us?ask those farmers how badly they’re hurting. Ask US manufacturing companies how their profits and good have taken a hit.

Next, immigrant children. These kids are being separated from parents and family. Now they’re beng kept together is unsafe, unsanitized and unhealthy detention camps. So much for America welcoming all right. College graduates and attendees you’re next. Trumps Education Secretary just made it harder for people with student loan debt to have their debts forgiven. Great job Betsy DeVos.

The LGBTQ+ community Trumps Department of Justice is in court attempting to have right for the Transgender community stripped under Federal class protections statues. Women how about numerous states, with Trumps support moving to enact the most stringent abortion laws in history. Not to mention his administration trying to federally defund Planned Parenthood and other clinics that help provide abortions.

Car manufacturers actually dont like the environmental rollbacks from Trump because they’re trying to compete in the modern day auto market. The US Military you’re not excluded. Trumps Admin is affecting citizenship rights for some children of servicemen and women who are overseas for a long period of time.

I mean the intelligence community would take up this entire blog. You’ve only been used as the scapegoat for Russia and North Korea and Iran. The Presdient says your intelligence is not more credible than the leader of Russia.

Yet somehow many of you will still vote for him, even with your livelihoods affected deeply by his policies. Again wake up! Educate yourselves and make better chocies. We deserve better leadership.

Talk back to me

Bitch Grow Up

If there is one thing I really have low tolerance or patience for, it’s a whining, complaining ass individual, especially a man. Gay or not there comes a time when the babying, self pity, feel bad for me shtick grows old. And damn it the time has come.

You know being a gay father for me is something I take to heart, because they people that I accepted and grew up were young, impressionable and in need of that tough but caring love of a father. My sons are all grown men now. By grown I mean over age 25. They have been developed and now are now in more of an advisory father role. I don’t hold on too long like mothers do, lmao, I let them go to experience life with all the tools given to them.

They have all fell at different points, made mistakes and learned and grew into stronger men. Now as they are coming to the end of their twentys they’re working towards life time goals. Working on legacy building and story making. They’re doing what I always taught them, think of your goals beyond this gay world because a bigger world exists. But you know there is always that one and he has found out the hard way why his siblings always said daddy is mean sometimes.

Let’s be clear folks, I’m not mean but I just dont tolerate the bullshit and the deep self loathing. We all get put in tough situations and if you’re a black man from the inner city, well you know you good for at least 10 challenging situations before age 30. He is in the midst of these challenges and at 26 years old I expect you to have a foundation of conflict resolution and problem solving that is still missing. He has been my son since age 15. I have shielded him from some things when he was too young but let him be exposed as well as he aged. He got some very valuable life lessons and they gave him a thick skin and a humor that masks his true pain. But it also created a liar and a pity party person and an oversized child in the process. Primarily because his birth parents coddled him, giving him any and everything no matter if earned, but they didn’t really accept him as a gay man. His dad, like most black fathers, doesn’t accept it really and it shows that it bothers him. So I’ve always loves on him as much as I can so he knows he has that love he seeks. While not his real father I do my best to stand in that gap. But I need you to grow up!

Stop asking everybody for money every week and get a damn job and make some. Stop fucking around with college, that you’ve been in for 8 years and still dont have your bachelor’s degree. Stop being dumb and fucking the wrong dudes all the time. Dont get caught taking trips to other states to fuck and get stuck in that state. Stop blaming your mom and everyone else for your failures and downfalls. Accept responsibility, grow up and make changes.

Damn is it that hard for a person to realize being a child dont last a lifetime?

Sad Motha Fuckas

Well it’s that time again for me to bring you some truth and reality from my own perspective of course ha!

You know I would like to consider myself a pretty fair dude and definitely one who doesn’t shy away from expressing my like or dislike for individuals. I’m also not shy about expressing my attraction, whether strong or marginal for you. This however, in no way should be confused with any kind of thirst. I think it’s sad that niggas who are cute have been so brainwashed to think that everyone thirsts for them. Because what it’s doing is clouding their vision and boosting they egos wayyyyy too much.

Recently I encountered a former adult male film actor. Like how I dressed that shit up don’t u, lmao. But we started out with a legit business deal, he providing massages for a fee, like all legit hand experts. To be fair it was very professional and amazing. The softest hands and the most gentle touch. But that’s where the story veers left. See while lying on the massage table n my underwear he admitted my ass attracted him. As if that was shock, I thanked him nd he continued the massage.

Next thing I know he’s pulling off my underwear saying he didn’t want any oil gettin on my drawers. I said fine nd the massage continued. He began to now caress my ass real thorough and I could tell he was a bit mesmerized by it. I was right because he had me prop my ass up in the air so he get a better “feel.” Then I feel his tongue sliding my hole. Damn this man can eat some ass!

He does this for a while and that’s where the massage ends, but not the night. After we were done and I was dressed he asked if I would take him to the smoke shop up the street from him. I agreed and we got in my car. While preparing to go nd riding he says that he wouldn’t have normally turned a massage session into a borderline fuck session. But he couldn’t resist, his words not mine. I said it’s fine and then he starts talking about chillin nd how his dick game is. Shocked nd a bit surprised I poked the subject to see where this would go. He says he fucks smooth nd slow, long nd deep. It’s like he knew he was fucking me wit my clothes on.

I said it was interesting maybe one day I could find out if he was legit wit it. This led him to say, “if you got time tonight, I’m free.” I did and so we did. No lie he was a man of his word. He ate me deeply again nd then slid his pretty dick up n me nd stroked me like a fucking king. It was amazing and yet once we finished he didnt want me to leave right away. We kicked it talked, vibedz watched Basketball Wives nd laughed. And we fucked again. Then I went home, cuz by then we were both tired.

We would text daily and we linked up two more occasions, one of which I took him to get himself food before going home. We talked about normal life shit not just let’s fuck shit and when we both were ready for sex, he said pull up and I did. But tragedy struck his life and once I learned of it from him, I asked if he was ok and if he needed anything. He asked: “anything like what?” I said normal shit, just whatever u may need while u grieve. He said he needed some eggs and sausage. I said ok after work I got u. I guess that was too long for him because he had it by time I was off.

So later he asked for something to eat from a fast food place near his house. I said cool I can do that for u. He said ok whenever I have time with a lol behind it. An hour later I asked him what exactly he wanted because he never specified and thats when the shit hit the damn fan. He said he was good because he never wants to feel like someone is doing him a favor. Then he says my response made him feel like he was a nobody and like I was beneath him. Additionally he says, I was thirsty for him but then my slow text response to his two needs made me sketchy.

Now baby battle lines were drawn and you know me I lit back into that ass. I said first off thirsty for u, nigga never. U sexy and ya dick game strong nd ur smart but I dont sweat over a dick or pretty face nd u not my man. Sketchy, as for that as I explained I work two jobs most every day. Means I’m working 12 to 13 hours a day. When I just work one I try to make time for who or what I like but, be clear, I made the extension of concern and need because I cared and wanted to make sure ur okay, knowing you use ur legs and get rides everywhere. So after that was said his response was muted just saying he didnt want talk right now.

Fine I said nd left it alone. Let me be clear, ain’t no nonemotinally invested nigga gone have me thirsty for them. I’m too good for that. I know I can and will find sex better than yours and you’re not the only cute nigga in this city. It’s sad a man been propped up so much he believes his dont stink wayyy too much and thats when I disembark off the train, because fucking with me I will give u a reality check you need. It’s sad a nigga dont know genuine interest from a fan. We talked for hours day 1 and numerous times after about ourselves, personalities and styles and yet you think I’m you’re fan, when I was actually a growing love interest.

Guess he got the lesson thou, everybody dont sweat you, nor do they wait on you and move when you say. Go find them groupies porn star. Maybe that’s just what you need.

Comment vent talk to me y’all. I talk back

My heart is hurting…

Last year I wrote about losing my first child to abortion. And damn if a few weeks ago, I had the exact same thing happen again. I dont know how to accept this and I dont know what to do with this but wow, I can’t deal with this again. God help me to understand why i needed this a second time?

Four months after thinking that I was going to be a daddy again, it was revealed that the pregnancy was going to be terminated without my input or consultation. I dont really understand why people play around with this shit man. To have your heart torn out of your chest again is just hard to fathom. It makes you have questions about everything man. You dont kno what to believe when you’re blindsided by thwaw things.

I’m not really sure how to recover from things like this. Especially when there are so many things going on. When you lose someone so close and then have to deal with the loss of a child before they saw life, I mean damn. I dont know what to do with this and more importantly I dont know how to release this hurt and pain. I’m at a place in my life now where I have to figure out how to redevelop a sense of myself. How to grow and accept more of lifes challenges and devastations. It affects my trust and comfort of people. It makes me hesitant to want to try to have kids again. As a gay man it’s not like I can just fuck and have a child, I cant. So having had two opportunities and they both get snatched away with real reason, I’m just left to sit and question things.

I am a torn and hurt man. I’m lost in many ways and I dont really know what to make of it. But in time and with patience I will overcome this too. But damn my heart hurts

Music Is the Conductor

Many times it’s been said by people that music helped to get them through. That music helped to heal a broken heart or comfort a wounded soul. It’s also been said that music hyped them up and buoyed their anger to do some destructive shit. Music hit my thoughts and triggered me to unleash. Music set the mood and love making or fucking that night was epic.

Music has always been a conductor for life’s tragedies and stories. We use the instrumentation in a song to help our minds travel to a place of desire. Whether it be a tranquil oasis, an emotional release, a frenzied ball of fire or anything in between. Music has been that buffer to help to world understand the same message from different outlets.

Music never gets enough credit for its ability to create peace, unity, love and understanding in our society. Music can take a Wall Street guy and a street guy and create a bond that other activities can’t. Music has allowed people to release inner demons and burdens through it’s harmonious melodies or it’s fye beat with lit lyrics.

The many different varieties of music make it able to speak to you from almost any platform. It can stoke any feeling you want to feel, all you have to do is just the music play and let it move you. Music has been my vice to help get me through some very trying and emotional times. Music has expressed for me what I didn’t know how to express to someone that I needed to know how I was feeling.

If you really need to find a way to relax, to release and let go of some things bothering your soul, if you need to turn up and get down to business go to the music. The music always has the right tune for you. You don’t always have to pay someone a lot of money to heal you. Sometimes you just gotta get out your own way, relax your mind and let the music conduct it’s way through you.

What kinda music get you through? Talk to me America let’s heal through the music

The Shits Catch Up To You

We’ve all done some shit in our days that either we knew was wrong or we knew we just shouldn’t do cuz it just wasn’t a good look. And if you haven’t then just keep living and eventually you will.

Most times we do it towards someone or multiple someone’s, lmao, but nonetheless we do something to undercut someone and try to act like we don’t care when the shit hits the fan. In reality, most times we don’t, however there are a select number of people that we know if we ever did that to, we would have big regrets if it wasn’t truly warranted.

I make no bones that I’ve done this a few times along the way, Ha!! And have had to eat my words or actions a few times because I would up needing that same person in short order after showing my ass. Thankfully I had people who didn’t he grudges and were there with open arms and a smart mouth when I needed them.

As far as I go, I’m not that nice, especially if I’ve been there for you through time in ways that few or none others were. If you pull the shit wit me after I’ve been that person to you, you will get my ass to kiss permanently. No, I didn’t say I was a perfect man or Christian. I certainly never pretended to be that nice of a person. I will tell anyone this same warning, if you’re lucky enough to make it in my life for any prolonged period of time, please don’t be wit the shits cuz that will be the end.

Why am I saying all of this? Cuz yesterday one of these types of people I described, decided to try and pop the fuck up in my text messages. See ion change my number cuz I don’t like the giving my number out process, lmao, so if u knew me a decade ago I got the same damn number. All thst was said was Hey, but I was curious as to why the fuck he talking to me..?

Bitch you flaked on me and decided to be my side with my past. You stooped so low as to fuck my past, and tried to be secretive about it. Then, when I try to speak to u about it, you ignore me and tell my past. Then you had the nerve to flex and lie about the shit I did to help yo bitch made ass out so you didn’t taken advantage of. Then you dare to send me that weak shit.

The block function is a motha fucka and I use it with great joy and little hesitation. As I said, when you be on the shits, it will catch up to u. When you fuck over a good person solely so u can get what you, you rue that. You will reap it and still need that person cuz a good bitch wit you is still a good bitch without you.

The lesson, keep the shits to a minimum and never completely burn the bridge. Always leave enough to be able to repair. Cuz once the bridge is gone, you can never build it back.

The Voices In My Head

Everybody has different ways of coping with pain, stresses, hurts and disappointments of life. Depending on the severity, frequency and who causes these traumas to happen, your ability to cope may be very drastic or very easy.

When I was younger and would endure emotional or mental or physical pain, my recovery from those things was usually pretty swift and seamless. I was able to effectively erase those moments from memory and live like nothing happened.

That’s what I was leading myself to believe. However, the reality is, in truth, what was happening was I was slowly being torn nd broken with each incident. I was making multiple personalities and voices inside me in order to try and protect myself from the people and situations that led to my heartache.

The irony is every time I would do the work to recover and strengthen myself better than before, some shit would happen to blow up the progress made. And you know, it wasn’t because I kept doing the same things, I wasn’t dating the same type person. All the boxes you check, I checked every fucking one. But there I was going through anothter rebuild.

Well this time the shit was as intrusive, invasive and devastating as anything I’ve ever been through. It ripped every thing I worked for, built, sacrificed and put my effort to pieces. And with that came all the different voices and personalities rushing to try and shield me from any more pain, hurt and despair.

I have worked so hard the past 7 and a half months to rebuild myself, from head to toe. Not knowing sometimes how I’m going to eat. Sometimes worries if I’ll be able to take care of myself. Trying to understand who I am today and who I can lean on for support. And you know what, all that work and the job isn’t nearly close to complete.

The voices are strong some days. Some days they take over my brain and my thoughts are erratic and scattered. Emotions and feelings are vast and unfiltered. Raw and intense. Other times, they’re muted and aloof. Withdrawn and reclusive. Then occasionally, I realize that I have made significant progress and I feel a little good about myself.

Just read the last couple paragraphs again and it’s enough to make you feel like you’ve been in a hurricane. It’s just surreal sometimes. From a complete destruction of my personal and professional life, to the details of how I lost my son, to the betrayl of who I thought was a brother and one who was like a protege. All of it sitting on my chest and really no one to truly turn to.

It has bore a man who is sometimes truly lost. No trust in no one. No belief in anybody, no matter the title they currently hold. Sometimes I just detach myself from the world. I don’t wanna be bothered or disturbed. Sometimes to conquer this, I unlock the inner beast and fuck my way out my feelings. I know people have it worse. But trust me I can’t just explain it all and nor do I wanna try. All I know are the voices are getting louder. They are growing bigger and they are starting to take over.

The result of all of this. I have no fuckin clue. I just kno it can only lead to the unknown and that may be the scariest thing of all. I don’t really kno where it bottoms out and turns back up.

Talk to me America

Sex Pays My Bills

If you’re reading this then the title caught your eye.. Ha! Damn I’m good. No sex doesn’t actually pay my bills, but for hundreds and even thousands of people it does. This blog is not intended to undress or demean you in any fashion, it is taking on a booming industry in the gay community, primarily young, black gay men.

I never knew that prostituting yourself would become the financial windfall that it has become. Nor did I think it would become so popular and in your face as it is now. It use to be that male escorts were discreet, offering their services through vices that wouldn’t expose them while also keeping their clients low key. Now, the escorts are face front on social media and their clientele is all around literally.

The use of social media and dating apps has caused the prostitution business to flourish and it’s quite disturbing. Now a days men are content to sell their big ass dick or sweet smooth ass to pay they bills, rather than getting up going to work and puttin in work. They would instead choose to put in the work on their back or on someone’s ass to keep themselves off the clock.

When did that become the new normal practice? More importantly when did so many people participate that so many guys feels comfortable demanding you pay them for the feeling and the pleasing that you can easily get for free. Yet, room for this has been made by the fantasizing and romantasizing the definition and the girth of the male body.

It’s also very smart in some ways. Why not capitalize off the thing this community loves to do so much, Fuck. So I guess, in a lot of ways we only have ourselves to fault. I do think it’s stunning just how many folks are openly and unapologetically doing this for trade and not bothered by it. Or if they are, they aren’t letting on.

If is this is your job or 9 to 5 or whatever ur office hours are, don’t you get tired of having to fuck just to make sure u can sleep and eat? Dry spells are bound to happen right? Or is the sugar daddy and pay for play community so strong this industry will boom forever?

Tell me your thoughts America

I’ve Got the Power

There has been an interesting dynamic in the sports world the past few weeks that I wanna explore a little bit. Three examples, one from the NFL, one the NBA and the NCAA Football. Three different institutions with different power dynamics and as always, a lack of equality to a degree.

First, let’s look at Le’Veon Bell of the Pittsburgh Steelers. He has chosen to essentially boycott this season playing the game he says he loves and is passionate about because he didn’t want to accept a one year guaranteed deal for 14.5 million dollars. Instead, wanting to reset the market for his position, Running Back, and for him as a whole, as a athlete not just the leading Running Back.

Context on this requires me to tell you football players in the NFL do not have guaranteed contracts, only their bonus money is guaranteed and the rest can be terminated at any time. So Bell wants to make sure his paper is made before possible injury and/or loss of skill set causes him to not reap the financial benefits of his work.

Now his teammates, in an unusual move, to the start the season commented on his contract situation and urges him to get in and grind wit his fellas and make his money after the season, while still pocketing the 14.5 mil. He is betting on himself and that one owner wants him and the diva personality at his cost. It’s a risky proposition for Le’Veon but he is convinced he has the power and that someone wants him. Time will tell but shows you how much the owners controls the league.

Now on to the NBA, a league where clearly the players have far more power than their brotheran in the NFL. There are two examples here that show you what power is when you’re a player and when your among the stars in your league.

Kawai Leonard bet on his talent and the spectacle of a disgruntled superstar playing for a team and coach he felt no trust for. There was also the possibility that he wouldn’t report and sit out, while banking a shit load of money. The result, he was traded to a team in the opposite conference that has some pieces around them and wants to compete for a title.

Then there is the current situation, Jimmy Butler of the Minnesota Timberwolves. Apparently, he doesn’t like the current crop of young and promising talent on the roster and has decided he is now going to hold out, not report to camp and force the team to trade him. He is also demanding the team trades him to a team of his choosing.

Now here are the facts. He is going to be traded, the owner has already signaled that and is taking offers. But, he won’t go where he wants to go. He has power just not absolute power. Fascinating story how if you’re good enough and your money is guaranteed, you can tell your boss to kiss your ass and he listens.

Finally the most demonstrative show of power is the Ohio State Buckeyes and Head Coach Urban Meyer. The most most blatant and disgusting show of power. The stinch of allowing a coach to keep his job after knowing his assistant coach beat his wife more than once, is awful. But when you’re the most powerful University in the state with people attached to your success you can do what you want.

More importantly, when you’re the coach that runs the team and the powers that be feel you are the second coming and can do no wrong. Plus you keep the huge donations and revenue coming in, you can do just about anything and keep your job.

No Meyer is not responsible for his coaches actions but he is accountable for keeping him around his team. I think it is deplorable and reprehensible but we live in an arena where money can almost get you thru anything. The power is crazy and amazing. Different levels but the dynamics are startling.

In short follow the fucking money

The Ugly Truth

I know some may read this and get a little angry, but if you know me, then you know I don’t care. I’m a provocative writer so emotion is what I want, along with the facts that get written.

I watched and read yesterday as the sentencing portion of Bill Cosby’s day in court happened and I could be nothing but sickened by the entire process and proceeding. Let me explain where I’m coming from.

As previously stated, I am a #MeToo supporter. I am ten toes down for the movement, however this smells and feels like a screw job if I ever seen it. It reminds me of Tiger and how insanely ridiculed he was for doing something millions of White men have done and even been laughed at for doing. Yes I agree it appears Bill is a rapist. He sexually assaulted women in his lifetime. He needed to have justice brought no denying that. But this is bs and a reason I think the movement is jaded.

He’s the man widely regarded as America’s father. The moral compass for many years on tv as Dr Heathcliffe Hucstable. A staple on tv for decades. He delivered tough criticism of the black community and father’s and was not afraid to voice his opinions. And he is Black and now he’s gotten a taste of the biased justice system.

See people have clamored apparently to see this 81 year old man spend the rest of his natural life in jail for his crimes. Whatever side u fall on that’s your rightful opinion to express. My question is why haven’t we done the same to the powerful, rich, White men who have done the same and worse?

This is why I hate the sham that has become the justice of the legal system. Let me give you some names. Harvey Weinstein, Matt Lauer, Charlie Gibson, Les Moonvies, Donald Trump, Kevin Spacey and I can go on and on. Accused and verified stories of sexual assault against women and boys. These men have not and will not get charged or see a day in court. They will continue to live lavishly and privileged. They will get to live their lives freely.

Why is this the dynamic we are faced with in this supposed new era of accountability? Some will say they lost their high profile jobs and were pubically shamed. If that’s all that’s needed to be fair and just, then drop all charges against Bill Cosby, let him go home and never work again. Oh wait, he’s Black and famous so he has to be the example.

I am disgusted by the actions of all the men listed and not listed. They all should have their day in the sun to answer for and atone for their transgressions. But they won’t. It’s the ugly truth that still permeates any discussion. Race matters still just as much as the crime committed. Because let’s be honest, being Black in America is still a crime.

Talk to me America