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Write Your Own Novel

You know it’s one of my few founding principles in my life, and that’s to always tell your own story. I don’t think people realize how much power you lose when you allow someone else to tell your own story, when you’re still in the land of the living. I understand that we’re not always going to be comfortable telling people what we did, how we did it, or even why we chose to do it when we did. But, the one thing that I do know is that when we’re able to tell our own truth, you keep someone else from being able to write your narrative.

Power is held in the tongue. Whether you want to believe it or not, the person who is able to tell their story the best. The one who can convince others that they are the best choice and that their experiences makes them the most qualified, are the ones who get most of the opportunities. I know that everyone doesn’t agree with that principle but I dare you to put it to the test. There are people right now sitting at desks in offices and working in factories that should be running the factory or managing a staff, but because they haven’t seized the opportunity to tell their own story they can’t get to where they feel they should go.

Identically to that, when you go about your private affairs daily and you let other people out in the streets tell your story for you, you run the risk of being distorted and compromised. You run the risk of someone trying to smear your name, or give you too much credit for things when you don’t deserve it. See, the ability to control the narrative about yourself is one of the few things that you can control. And yes, while you cannot control the things people say about you out their mouth, you can control what history writes about you, by how you respond and how you tell your truth.

The biggest point here is to tell your own truth. Don’t let someone hold anything over your head. Because when you allow for someone else to dictate your direction and your outcome you have then given power to someone else. I never understand why someone will sit back and allow someone else to use their lips and mouth to tell what is an incorrect story. Yes, I do understand the theory that sometimes in order to combat a lie you have to remain still and let the lie fail, but you can’t always let your life be determined by silence.

Greatness befall those who step out on the limb. Those who allow their true story to be heard and aren’t afraid of a little heat or a few questions. I always wonder what’s in the brain of someone that just allows them to let their reputation be determined by someone else? Can anyone help me out with that?

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The Rise and Fall of Atlanta

I was listening to a local radio station earlier this week and they were discussing how much Atlanta has changed over the past decade. They talked about how so many young, black men were being killed in the streets by other Black men. They talked about the increased crime rate. They talked about how that Southern Hospitality trait had disappeared and more harder cord has been struck amongst the people of the A.

As I listened to this conversation, I had to think about my time spent in this city. For the better of a decade I’ve lived in Atlanta. Coming for college, leaving and returning for another spell. I can remember when I got here back in 2002 and the people were truly amazing. While I had some interesting run ins with Panhandlers, I was very surprised and excited to see so many people with a very helpful spirit. This type of behavior was the norm not the exception.

Despite going to the one of the most well known schools in America, we still had our dangers just outside the walls. Because as we all know, every single HBCU in America is based somewhere in or near the hood. And my school was no exception to this rule. So while I enjoyed the people when I was away from school, I easily caught a glimpse of what could be looking right outside the walls and confines of my school.

With all the fuss about the parties and late night activities in the city, there was also a robust amount of normal things to do. Sports team galore, entertainment always in and around the city. Trips to take and so many different people to meet. This city was booming and the little known secret was Hollywood was on it’s way. Already boasting numerous Spike Lee films, Drumline was shot here in Atlanta and seemed to open up another dynamic. Add to that Tyler Perry’s love for Atlanta and you could see this city was about to become something serious.

But along the way to all those things, a national tragedy happened that, if you ask me, changed the trajectory of the city and also began the downward turn we see in a number of places today in Atlanta. Hurricane Katrina happened in 2005. Many people forget that Atlanta took in more people from New Orleans and surrounding areas than any other state. There folks was the beginning of the down turn. Don’t get me wrong, I love people from the Big Easy. I got to meet quite a few who were displaced after that storm and while some were bitter and hurt, others were still upbeat and optimistic.

But you see far more became honest with themselves about what life would look like that they began to take a more pessimistic and bitter tone. Then you add to that the rapid influx of people from Northern, more rigid states coming down South and it made for the perfect storm. People displaced and struggling to find a way to make it, doing whatever it took. Even if that means lying, stealing, killing, using and abusing or just bumming their way to survival.

The overcrowding of the city, scarcity of jobs and decline in the economy further led to the hardship faced by native Atlantians and the transplants alike. The other thing that people don’t like to admit, but is very true, is that sooo many black gay men flocked to Atlanta in the latter part of the 2000’s. Seeing that cost of living was cheaper and the ease of access to other highly attractive men, the gays wanted Atlanta to be home base and it was.

One of things this city used to be known for was Black people coming to make a life and be successful. The old saying was you could come to Atlanta with a dream and leave with a career. Unfortunately because so many came with that same idea and companies started pulling out, the competition was unimaginable. Again, having a Republican Governor who decimated the Education budget made it harder for this city to continue the promise it once held.

Now, the city is climbing back out of a bad place and jobs are returning in different forms to Atlanta, but the violence and abuse and nastiness is still at an all-time high. So many people have been hurt and scared by boyfriends, girlfriends, employers who aren’t loyal to their people, the government and that’s why we still sit in the same place for the past 11 years. Stuck and not sure how to get out.

It’s not everything, but it’s a damn good synopsis for why the city rose and fell. Maybe, in this reincarnation the city’s people will remember what truly made it stand out from so many other major Metropolitan cities and bring the Southern Charm back to formally Hotlanta, now just Cruelanta.

Thoughts? Opinions? Feelings? Tell me what you think. Let’s talk about it. I’m always ready.

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, real talk

Weak Ass Bitches

You know I had to wonder if I was going to post something about this situation and after some thought I decided to do so. If it’s one thing that I truly can’t stand it’s a messy ass faggot. And if you know me well, you know that I don’t like to use the word faggot loosely. I don’t like it used referring to me and I don’t like to call anyone that name unless you have truly earned such a designation. Well there is someone out there, who will remain nameless, that truly earned that distinction.

When you don’t get what you want because you aren’t the best match or because you just don’t fit personality wise with someone, you don’t set out to destruct that person’s relationship because you’re not use to being told no. A bad bitch who truly knows that you’re not always going to be the flavor of the month all the time, won’t be fazed and will continue to  move on. One thing that you don’t is stalk what you can’t have and then speak to their partner because they don’t wanna fuck with you no more.

It’s one of the things that makes the Black Gay male community so vilified. We don’t know how to respect when someone is in a relationship, nor do we respect the individual by giving the compliment and moving forward. So many in the life want to gawk and stare at you. They continuously try to talk to you and find ways to get inside. They try to hunt the social apps and streets to see if they can find some dirt on you.

One thing I’ve always said is that if we can’t learn to accept rejection and to respect each other, how the fuck do we truly expect anyone to take us seriously? Where does it say that we have to fight to the death to get what we want all the time? What happened to believing the scripture that says if someone is for you they will be for you no matter what? I absolutely do not understand messy ass faggots who really feel like they can do what they want to do.

The one thing I say about it all is it never fails that when these situations happen they do seem to happen to the right person. Never think that just because you can’t be found at the moment that karma won’t sneak up on you and get yo ass. Because I do believe that unless you put enough positive karma into the atmosphere to offset the shit you doing, that karma will get you.

We gotta do better than this as a people. We have to respect ourselves more than what we do. More importantly we’ve gotta respect the relationship choices and decisions we make as individuals. I understand that your feelings may be hurt because you get turned down, but have some self respect and keep living your life. Ha, while I could say more.. I’ll just stop right here.

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Wake Up Tar Heels

As an avid North Carolina Tarheels college basketball fan, I’ve watched just about every game this year and I really don’t know which version of my Heels is legit. One minute they play like they’re the best team in America, the next they act like they don’t know how to defend or feed the paint. This Carolina team by far is the deepest Front Court in basketball, yet they seem to refuse to always embrace that identity in big time basketball games.

They seem to get leads feeding the post and then they abandon that attack and shoot bricks to allow opponents back into the game. Tonight is the rematch with hated rival Duke. I remember the first time they played in Chapel Hill and I was certain that down the stretch UNC would keep feeding the paint and bludgeon the Blue Devils to death. The result was that they didn’t and wound up losing the game. As I’m watching this game, they took a double figures lead against Duke only to allow them back into the game with bullshit defense.

Everyone knows that when you play at Cameron Indoor the refs are going to cheat for the Dukies because Coach K knows how to bitch his way into every single call in the book. Watching the game it seems it’s similar to the first matchup where Carolina failed to put the game away and Duke snuck out with a victory. Well, sad to say here we go again. Carolina playing like pussies down the stretch and are on the verge of letting another game get away. Just like the Texas and Northern Iowa games earlier this year.

How many times do you have to see the same thing play over and over before you make the adjustment? Then I just watched the ref call a foul on a UNC player when he got elbowed in the nose. What the fuck is that? I mean I know they don’t want Carolina to win in Durham but what the fuck truly is that?

Only time will tell if these Heels can deliver ol’ Roy his third national title in Chapel Hill but with what I’m seeing tonight, they’re not gonna make it. All I see is tight bull  shit play from Carolina. How many damn times are you gone miss from point blank range? How many times are you gone miss put backs and not close out on defense? If only this team had the chops of the 2009 Champs this would be a blow out. But that’s the beauty of the season, each team is different.

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The Obama Effect Cont’d

As I said since the end of last year, I will dedicate at least one blog a month to the effect that President Obama has had and what it has meant and will mean to this race and the country. I was just watching Election Night coverage of the states voting today and I heard something very interesting, which is also very troubling. Some folks down in the South have no idea who Bernie Sanders is and that’s just a shame.

I don’t pretend that he’s a candidate who’s perfect, but I will say that he may be a better candidate for the Black Community than Hillary Clinton, much to the dismay of those famous celebrities and regular Americans who believe she is the one. Mayor Bill Be Blasio of New York, said something very interesting in the segment before the one I watched. He said that the modern day Democrat is now a Social Democrat or a Democratic Socialist. Meaning, we’re a lot more like Bernie Sanders than we are Hillary Clinton, we just don’t like to admit it.

President Obama has set the bar as high as you can for the next Democratic President because of his policies that he’s been able to get passed through Congress. He has helped to lift the country into economic strength. He has done a very strong job of leading us out of the Empire America and back to the leader America. He has forced all of the candidates to shift their positions based on his actions, decisions and agenda. That’s why Clinton must say she is for Gay Marriage, that’s why Sanders must say he wants to extend the benefits of Obamacare.

The Obama coalition was one that had never been seen really before in Democratic circles. He gathered young people, black people, white women, women, older folks and educated folks and turned that into one hell of a base. Think that didn’t stick in folks mind? Bernie Sanders tried to do the same thing this cycle, only problem is… He’s not Black and people don’t really know who he is. Maybe if he would have given a speech to the magnitude of President Obama at the DNC in 2004, maybe we would be talking about Sanders possibly being Obama 2.0.

I still make a plea to Black people to not just hand your vote to Hillary Clinton because she is the wife of former President Bill Clinton, who was favorable to Black people. Do your research, read about the candidates and make an informed decision. If not you will just take away the power we have. And then we bitch about not being involved enough in the process. It’s because we don’t wanna read, we don’t wanna participate and don’t wanna be informed. Put it all together and you got Black people falling short.

If we learn nothing else from the Obama effect, it’s that we must build a strong coalition. We must do our homework and we gotta find a way to stick together. Otherwise, we will continue to fall by the wayside of opportunity.

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Black People Are You Ready…

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Black community, I’m a little bit shocked that we’ve so overwhelmingly decided to turn a blind eye to all of Hillary Clinton’s campaign record and solely focus on the narrative that she and the media have chosen to put out in this election cycle. While I’m not staunchly in support of either Secretary Clinton or Senator Sanders, I do have to say that I’m a little more surprised that we aren’t making these two candidates earn our vote.

Similarly, on the Republican side, Black folks are voting in that party and damn you really think Donald Trump is the best choice ehh? So far tonight in Hillary has already been given both Georgia and Virginia on the Democratic side in the nominating process and it’s assumed that she will have more than 75% of the Black vote in each state. I’m really surprised. Please remember that Hillary Clinton called pockets of Black youth tyrants that needed to be brought to heel. You know that’s an animal term. She was very supportive of the War Against Drugs legislation that her husband signed as President that led to decades of Black incarceration.

Until President Obama came out to support LGBT folks, she was still supporting her husbands signing of the Defense of Marriage Act, classifying marriage as only between a man and a woman. She has been solidly supporting the Black Community when it’s been convenient for her in an election cycle, but where has she been on the Black Lives Matter movement? I just want folks to understand that when we quickly and aimlessly throw away our vote to a candidate just because, we can marginalize our own voice.

Bill Clinton thought in 2008 that Obama was a nice token candidate when he said on the record, that since Jesse Jackson won a few primaries back when he ran for office that Obama winning a few states meant nothing. Little did he know our President would whoop his wife’s ass in the primary process. What’s my point here? Simple, Black people we have a chance to have real power and affect the outcome of a third consecutive Presidential election.

It was because so many of us, young and old, rich and poor, educated and noneducated came out in numbers to elect the first Black President of the United States. We must join together like our LGBT friends, Latino and Asian friends and make our vote count. Clinton may help us get a little bit ahead, but Donald Trump will tear our asses down. Black people, all people please pay attention and vote.

Don’t be influenced by those who may have some money and tell you that Trump is a good choice. Don’t listen to those who tell you that Rubio is the right pick, don’t listen to those who say that Cruz is the option. They are fundamentally opposite to what we in this community needs. We need a President who will continue to level the playing field, not further set it on its head.

Hillary or Bernie, pick whomever you choose, and if you decide to go Republican so be it. But if you don’t do anything else, please be smart and follow each candidate closely and vote for the one who will best help you. It’s pretty shocking when someone says they haven’t followed the election process and sides with one party and then all of sudden switches sides without any homework being done. That tells me you don’t have a voice, you don’t know where you stand and you will foolishly fall for anything. Good luck with that.

Wise up America

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The Establishment Trick

As I’ve been having conversations the past few weeks regarding the upcoming Presidential nominating and election cycle, I’ve been struck by how many people truly feel that the country is about to hit the shits if Donald J Trump is elected President of the United States. The second thing that I’ve realized is that many people are sounding the alarm that the country may be silently supporting Trump while outwardly promoting outrage.

One of my co-workers I spoke with today echoed that exact sentiment. She seemed to indicate that because of the massive amount of support Trump is receiving all across America, more people are really supporting him than what they want to admit to. I also want to submit something that many don’t want to accept or may not cop to.. the Establishment Wing of both parties are really smiling right now. Don’t believe me, lets explore.

Donald Trump is a modern day mainstream Republican if I ever saw one. Have you heard his speeches? He wants to send troops to foreign countries to war, he wants to reinstitute enhanced interrogation tactics, he wants to repeal Obamacare, he wants to double down on gun rights, he will continue tax breaks for rich people, he wants to decentralize the Federal Governments power, he wants to deport all the illegal immigrants and strip federal dollars for Planned Parenthood. These are just the stances he’s taken publically that I’m talking about. Does it sound familiar? It should.. It’s Republican 101 talking points for the past 16 years.

Hillary Clinton is right out of the Democratic Establishment Wing. I mean her husband is a former President, she is the former Secretary of State and Senator from New York. She was the first lady who tried to push Universal Healthcare in 1994. She has been apart of politics for more than two decades. She is what the Democrats look at as the polished candidate. And we as a nation have been led to believe that we are experiencing some sort of revolution. Ha! I wish that were true, but the truth is the leading candidates in both parties are as Established as you can get.

America the media has fucked you again and you didn’t even notice. I’m happy to see voter turnout is high, but I hate that we have such old, stale candidates leading these parties. More to come as we head to election day.

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The Great White Haux

Over the past few weeks there have been stories reported about one of the NFL’s most accomplished and respected players, Peyton Manning. The first story was one about Manning have HGH, an illegal drug, sent to his home under his wife’s name during a time where he was recovering from neck surgery. The second, and far more serious, was a story about Manning and a sexual abuse case while he was the Quarterback at the University of Tennessee.

Also contained in that report was the issue of Peyton plagiarizing two essays and getting caught by the same trainer that accused him of sexually assaulting her. I find it to be quite interesting that in both of these stories, the media has not given it the air to breathe and develop that they did back in 2009 when Cam Newton was being recruited out of Junior College and rampant reports of Cam being brought by one of the universities. They pushed and pushed until they thought they found something to try and punish him and his father for.

We fast forward to the story that came out about Manning and steroids, he comes out with scathing comments and threatens a lawsuit and the point man behind the story retracts it all and the story dies. Manning goes on to win his second Super Bowl title and is poised to ride off into the sunset. Then we have the UT story that comes out and finally a little more breath is given to the possibility that Peyton might not the be the squeaky clean football player he was cast out to be. It seems to be that, he too, made mistakes in college and perhaps in Pro football as well that have been covered up.

But despite all this every commentator and analyst want to give Manning a pass and let him ride off into the sunset. Consider that the steroid use was far more recent and to me, damaging than Cam’s issue in 2009 because using that substance is illegal in the eyes of the NFL and is punishable by game suspensions. Maybe even more investigations would have been done that possibly could have turned up even more stuff. I’m not saying that Peyton isn’t an all-time great QB, because he is. But, it also goes to point out that there is still a huge bias in the NFL.

Cam sulks after losing the biggest game of his career and every one wants to bitch and moan and jump all over the man for his “poor sportsmanship”. They want to say that Brady, Manning and other great QB’s wouldn’t have done that, but, excuse me every time Brady and company lost a playoff game he sulked and bitched. So did his coach. But they get a pass because they’re the epitome of greatness right? Yet, Peyton has legit allegations against him and there’s a blind eye turned to it.

These two comparisons aren’t meant to be the be all end all of this discussion, however, I use these as two of the most glaring points of contention. In every day life the same dynamics play out, just like in Corporate America and all places in between. The Great White Haux is alive and well. Whether we like it or not, being Black still means you gotta prove yourself ten times more than your White counterpart.

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The Smile That Hides

Many times people often think that just because someone has a hearty laugh, or constantly smiles that they must be living a happy life. I would submit to you that more often than not it’s a bit of the opposite. The person who’s laughing the hardest and joking the most, is the one who typically has been through the most pain and despair. But instead of letting that hardship get them down or stunt their opportunities, they choose to use it as ammunition. They let it help them develop even more character and to tell their story to someone. It helps them have that memorable, infectious smile.

You see I dare you to talk to your friends that have been through something. You will see that before they choose to wallow in their self pity, they would rather laugh and tell their story. I love it when people think that just because you smile big and you look good that must not have been through anything in your life. I think it’s the power of smiling and laughing that keeps many people from losing their sanity on a given day or time.

Give yourself a moment to reflect back on all the stories you’ve heard. Think back about all the people you’ve come across that you see smile all the time. Do you know what their story is? Do you know if they’ve been through any kind of difficult situations? The beauty of a smile is a person lets you think that their life is all good, while on the inside they may be torn apart.

I will never forget that someone once told me that by looking at me they don’t think that I’ve been through anything. I politely smiled and laughed, then said “If you only knew the half.” It’s been the story of my life for such a long time since I’ve been an adult. People only know the outer layers that I let them see and they instantaneously think that they know my story. They think that because I smile and laugh all the time and wear nice clothes that my life hasn’t been a struggle.

Anyone who knows me well would know that my life hasn’t been nearly as easy as it may seem. See that’s what happens when you let your smile control your life. So I challenge every one to take a minute and find out if someone is smiling out of shear joy or are they truly hiding the pain behind their smile. If so, then clearly it’s a case of the smile that hides.

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The Human Element

I hate Donald Trump as a Presidential candidate. But if you want to know why he resonates with the Republican electorate is because he’s showing the human element that many politicians lack. One of the reasons Senator Sanders is making Hillary Clinton’s march to the White House hell is because he has the human touch that is truly resonating with many in the Democratic electorate; while Hillary comes across as stale, emotionless, and not authentic.

I found it very odd that once the 200o Presidential race was called for 43 and Al Gore knew he wasn’t going to get by a jaded Supreme Court ruling, he showed the human mystique that was missing throughout his entire candidacy. He was harshly criticized, and rightly so, for being very stiff and robotic on the campaign trail. Yet, in that moment when he knew it was over, he showed that human quality that made people wonder what would have been had he shown just a sliver of that during the election season.

I absolutely can’t stand President 43 for his policies and what he allowed to happen to this country, but what won him two elections as President was his innate ability to relate to people and speak to that in Americans. It’s the same thing that got Bill Clinton elected President twice. He had the ability to be human and show his vulnerability. The person issues he dealt with really only made him more human because every day people could sympathize with the situation.

President Barack Obama used that human interaction and vulnerability to parlay that into two terms as President of the United States, despite all the factions against him. It truly does baffle me how many career Politicians seem to forget that they’re people first when running in these elections. They forget that we’re human not some damn polls or numbers. Their Campaign Managers and staffs seem to forget to appeal to the human element in people to get elected. And we as people don’t demand enough that they pay attention to our human feelings.

You’re seeing that wave though erupt this year in both parities. Trump, Sanders, and to a lesser extent Cruz, have tapped into the American publics human emotion. They’re showing their true selves and for better or worse people are gravitating towards that. So if you’re Hillary Clinton’s people, my one word of advice would be: Stop treating that woman like she’s a machine and let her be human. It just might win her the White House and make another piece of American history.