I’ve been a very vocal proponent over the years of allowing yourself to love and be loved. I have also said that you never know when it’s going to happen, how it will happen and where it will come from. Many times we feel like we need to have it happen the “pure” way that the older folks and mostly Church folks say it should happen. You know, meet and talk. Go on a few plutonic dates and have the night end there. No sex for a while in order to see if it’s lust or love, and then move from there.

If you know me, you know I say that’s pure bull shit in todays age. Yes, there can be harmless dates and courtship and flirting, but the reality also is that people wanna fuck and see if they like the dick or ass or pussy as much as if they like the person. Disagree with me all you want, but that’s just the truth of the matter. I don’t really care if anyone agrees with my last statement, but if you’re honest about it, most times that’s exactly how it goes. There might be a couple dates thrown in there, but I can also bet that sex will come to the front of the list sooner than later.

I get so tired of people meeting up and trying to sound the alarm of the wholesome guy who’s never done anything and they always need to know you before they fuck you, when in their minds they thinking of how can they make the sex happen before the end of the first month or two. LOL! One of the most critical elements of love is truth. Whether it’s a freak speaking their truth or a conservative person speaking their truth. Love will allow for you to be open and honest enough to express all that you want and letting the chips fall where they may.

As I like to say, you never know when love will strike and most times it happens when you truly least expect it. You can think you about to have a normal hookup. Just a nut and before you know it you and that person realize that you truly might be meant to be. That’s when you have tune out the naysayers and ignore those who say that it’s just lust that will fade. You gotta believe that things happen for a reason and what you feel is truly real. If you think it won’t be tested, you can think again. Love is always tested. Relationships are always challenged. See that’s how you find out if it’s truly real. The challenges and tests let you know if the person is really for you. If the love is truly real or just a means to survive.

Yes it’s scary and creates a vulnerability that you have to accept, but the reward is better than any fear you can have. The reason that you gotta open yourself is because no one wants to spend their life alone, and if you find someone that fits into your puzzle, why would you keep them out just because you’re afraid. Just always remember, you’re love between the two of you is just that yours. No one can tell you how to love each other nor how to show it. If you like to display your affection in public do it, if you like to please your lover do it. Because always remember they love you because who you are and what you aren’t. Open yourself and let your soul be free to get caught up in the mystery. Love, feel, breathe and enjoy. The journey will reward you if you stay true to your soul.

It’s interesting to me that I continue to come across guys that seem to think that the love of their partner has to be shown by how much money is spent on them. Whether it be them being taken on a date, or being brought clothes, shoes and so on. It’s amazing to see how many people really base their happiness off of whether or not they man or woman is willing to spend they money on them, or take care of them.

It’s been a time old tradition that the one with less feels like they gotta be given more. Or the one being chased must always get what they want in order to say that their pursuer is truly feeelin them. I’ve come to understand some of the logic behind that method of thinking, but I’m would be lying if I said it makes complete sense. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to have a couple relationships where my guy was more concerned with how much I could love on them, make them happy, do the small things that built its way to bigger things.

Maybe people have gotten use to that because that’s what t.v. says is supposed to happen. The movies are created with the high balla gettin what he wants, while the regular man is continually passed over until the end, when he’s shown to have been the best choice. I think that we have to have a real conversation as to whether or not we’re really being smart about how we teach our children and loved ones to look for and determine what love really looks like.

What happens if that person falls on hard times? Maybe they get laid off, or get sick and can’t continue to provide like they once were. They can’t buy you the hundreds of dollars of stuff you use to. Would you still be right there beside them? Would you still claim them, or just like the wind, would you blow in the direction of the next highest bidder? Sounds like a prostitute, doesn’t it? But say that out loud and baby you can get ready for a full blown argument.

While I will never tell anyone what to look for or how to go about finding love, I will always tell you the truth about why your love life is failing. I will tell you that the reason things fall apart is because you’re looking for the wrong things. Happiness should never be able to be brought. And, it should never have a time limit placed on it either. Nobody walking this Earth knows when or how they’re going to fall in love. You could think that the same random sex act you’ve set up will deliver the same results and before you know it, you’ve found someone that actually fits everything that you are and want.

The point I’m making is.. it’s not always about the money. And it ain’t always about doing things the “wholesome” way. Sometimes, you have to just live your life and let things happen as it may. The spoiling will take care of itself, as long as the love is there.

I’ve been wrestling for the past week or so with how to write this blog because I think that this dynamic could apply to most any state, however, this will focus on Atlanta, GA. I have struggled for so long to understand why is that everyone is in such a pressing urge to have this “Masculine” man when you’re gay. I can’t really wrap my mind around it.

Maybe I’ll break it down kinda like this. If you like the same sex and you’re a guy. That means you like to lay down with, cuddle, with, fuck and get your dick sucked by the same gender as you, there is already an element of Feminism attached to you. Oh, don’t get me wrong you can be big and strong and muscular and talk with a manish talk and like all the manly things, but don’t forget that the end of the night you want a man to please you.

Let me change the thought process a little and frame it like this. If you’re feminine I understand that you want someone who’s more manly than you because that’s your attraction, but do they have to be the stereotypical “Masculine” man? Essentially, the straight man wrapped in a gay mans body.

I can only imagine how defeating of the purpose it is to be an openly gay man and because you don’t watch all the manly sports, or do the manly things all the time or have the deep voice, that somehow you aren’t “Masculine enough”. I just would like for someone out there to help me understand what’s wrong with a man who knows he’s a man, but likes to embrace his entire self. I mean after all that’s why they decided to out themselves no?

Maybe I can shed a little on the situation. I tend to believe that everyone wants this “Masculine”, “Manish” man because that’s the flight of fancy in the  mind that so many gay bottoms like it. But the funny dynamic is that now you find many tops wanting the same thing and that makes me so baffled. Are you insecure wit yourself that you need another masculine presence to reinforce yourself?

Listen, I don’t knock anyone for wanting what they want, because we all have an ideal guy in mind that we want to date. The one who will compliment our personalities and lifestyles accordingly. But, I do think that in Atlanta there just seems to be this over eager feeling for a “Masculine”  man. You know if we recalibrated what we thought of as Masculine behavior, maybe it wouldn’t be soo bad.

But, that’s part of the issue with the craze. The guy has to look masculine, talk masculine, act masculine. Hell if they show any sign of an effeminate behavior immediately the person is dismissed. The truth is the guy that you just dismissed might the most masculine one you will find, but they just refuse to be boxed based on someone else’s image.

I think that we should stop trying to live in the boxes outlined for us. We should stop trying to look for the typical Masculine guy and find the guy that really fits you and has the dominant personality to match. Surprisingly to many, you might find that the guy that you dismissed because they didn’t act completely masculine, might be the one to do you exactly like you want them to.

It’s interesting too, because some folks I’ve talked to about this have seen the similar trend and laugh and mock those who think that the “Masculine” man is going to be prevalent in this city. The truth is you’re mostly likely to find a hybrid. One who carries himself with a dominant, masculine demeanor; but may have traits that are soft. And I would venture to guess that that those men will be some of the best ones to know.

Are you going to the find the traditional hard, masculine man..Yes! They exist and they’re out there without a doubt. But are you going to find them like fish in the Atlantic Ocean..No. Find yourself a good man who can give you all you need and most of what you want and I bet you will be truly happy.

What’s the message here? Accept people for who they are, stop trying to find the perfect box and expand yourself to a rectangle. You just find someone who will make you eternally happy.