love

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love, real talk

A Thief Comes In Many Forms

You know this has probably been the most challenging start to a year that has not involved money since I’ve been a grown man. I’ve had to sit back and reflect on all the relationships and friendships I’ve encountered over the years. I’ve also had to take inventory of my emotions, in addition to my clothes I’ll get back to that in a second, that made me realize that a thief can steal from you in a multitude of ways.

The first kind of thief you have, is the most common thief, is the person who steals materialistic things from you. And I’m not diminishing how difficult and emotionally draining it can be to have someone steal your possessions from you, but trust me there is another type of thief that puts this one to shame.

We all have had someone, either friend or lover, whose stolen something from us and it made you feel some kinda way. You got all in your feelings because they violated you by taking something that either you brought, or someone gave to you, and therefore it has a value that goes beyond the financial price tag.

Yet, it’s exactly this kind of thief that you can recover from relatively quickly and without much of a thought, so long as the items taken can be replaced with little effort. I do admit that the more the item holds that intrinsic value that we cannot quantify does it become more challenging to move on from this kind of thief.

The second type of thief is the one that can a lot longer effect because what they take from you is much more close to you and it cannot be brought, and in some cases, explained. This is the thief that steals your emotional and mental stability, which means they are stealing from your soul. See this is the person that winds up holding control over you to an extent because they’ve tapped into the deeper parts of you that the world doesn’t get to see.

I’m absolutely certain that once again we all have experienced this type of individual too. For most of us all we have to do is look at our former lover, spouse, or close friend that has now become estranged or completely removed from the picture. See that person is special; those types of people don’t come along often so when you have one of those types of relationships and it sours, it takes a piece of you and your soul with it. You’re left with a little void and the reality is no one knows how long it will really take to get over that emotional scar.

And then there is the final type of thief and that’s the combo thief. You guessed it, this is the thief who steals both the materialistic possessions and the emotional, mental, soulful things as well. You know my ex falls into this category. While at first I thought it was just the mental and emotional drain from him, I took a look through my closet this week and realized that during the time I allowed him to stay with me until he moved into his own spot, he stole a couple pairs of my pants and was sly as fuck about it.

See I guess that’s that problem when you have a lot in your closet and you don’t wear the same thing each week; someone can come along and pick your pockets before you realize what’s missing. But you know as I have always said, the bitch that steals from me is the bitch that’s too afraid to ask. I hope he gets good wear out those pants and while he portrays to have that manish appeal on the outside, all the shit I’ve dealt with as a result of him shows me that he really is a bitch on the inside.

So touche to him and I hope he’s happy with the thievry he’s pulled off, because if we cross paths, I’ll show him what it’s like to steal your smile. And no I’m not going to physically touch or harm him, but ask around I got that asshole like attitude that will leave you with a inner void.

Do you know who your thieves are?

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love, real talk

Scared of Lonely

You know I’ve had conversations lately with friends and fam and I must say that the theme coming out of the past few weeks is.. I don’t know how to be alone. When I say that I don’t mean to be negative or condescending, but I’ve learned that until you can learn to be ok with being by yourself, you are likely to struggle when you’re in a relationship. And the reason is because you don’t allow yourself a chance to heal from the past relationship and make the necessary changes going into the next relationship.

Now I’m pretty comfortable with saying that 99% of the world has struggled with the complex in their lives. And no there is no specific thing that can be done in order to conquer this issue. I think it just comes along with growing and learning how to be comfortable with yourself. You know I even have to admit that while I’ve become very comfortable with living by myself and comfortable with sleeping alone, I will admit I miss the daily affection of another man.

I miss coming home and being able to kiss and hug that special someone. I miss cooking dinner for one another, for going on dates with that special person. I miss telling that one special guy I love you. Yes, I know that to some I’m a cold-hearted. insensitive, uncaring bitch; but that is quite contrary to my personality and character.

While I sit back and wait for the next real relationship to arrive, and yes I got eyes on someone, I ask have to admit that thinking about you makes a little weak in the knees; hearing your voice and seeing you up close makes me wish you’d never leave. Cuddling up and holding you tight, hearing you breathe makes me think about the life we’re breathing into this bond forming.

Scared of lonely is more of a realistic norm than people know. See there are people who stay in relationships for fear of lonely; people hop from man to man or woman to woman, because they can’t or don’t want to be alone. They don’t want to face themselves and allow for the self-examination process to work itself through.

One of these days very soon the game will change. One day soon the world be revealed to someone who might just be the one to make some noise and disrupt the lonely situation. I’m learning to be patient when it comes these things and while it scares me death sometimes to think about being alone, I’m nervous because I feel my heart trying to reopen again, my feelings stand on edge again, my love start to be robust again.

Once upon a time I was scared of lonely and would never be in a situation where I didn’t have man, now I’m scared of lonely, but I’m more scared of destruction of my soul. I cherish my heart more than I cherish sharing my bed. But make no mistake about it, this complicated melody over here will soon have the perfect song writer that makes this melody harmonious.

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love, real talk

Being Rough Can Make You Go Soft..

So listen I’ve had many different experiences with people trying to be hard and firm with me in order to prove a point or teach a lesson. And to honest most people fail and fail miserably; typically because I’m just not the type of guy who really responds well to that kind of tactic and also because if I don’t really have strong feelings for you, all you gone by being a “bitch” is close the door and I’ll walk away.

However, if you have my interest, and a piece of my emotions then you really can get a lot of this tactic. But you still have to know how to correctly blend the tough love part with the sweet conversationalist part. See I try to let it be known that I am a complicated melody. In order to get the right harmony out of me you have to stroke the right keys and listen carefully. Because while you may think you’re hitting the right cords and you’re in the pocket, in reality you could off just enough to see the other side of me.

I don’t try to do things to make it necessary for the hard ass approach but I guess there are times when I need a lil tough love to make me understand why I don’t always need to be so complicated, and maybe there are times when I need to lower my guard and just let that special someone in. You know I guess it’s true what they say, that once your heart starts to turn a little black, it takes a pure form of love to turn you back.

I’ve been in some situations where I put my all out there and was the nice, sweet, harmonious melody from the beginning, only to be destroyed and left to pick up the pieces. So now I have a style that makes the melodies a little harder to reach, it makes the notes more effort to attain, but once you figure out the right style for you to tickle my chocolate ivory to get that perfect sound, well…you’ve opened Pandora’s box and the sky is the limit for what I’m willing to do for you.

It’s funny because you would think that someone who is well seasoned in the life would be able to figure out how to be the hard ass and get what they want out of me…but the funny thing is sometimes its the person that you least expect to give that hard ass love, that makes you feel like you’re right where you should be.. I laugh so many times because only a person whose really close to me would know how to use this trick.

So yea, I’ve kinda given the playbook away as to the trick that could unlock the box, but once again I say beware…because like I said earlier in this blog, if I don’t no fucks about you the hard, rough line you try to draw will be the benediction line, and I’ll be saying in my head ” May the Lord watch between me and thee, while we’re absent, one from another.”

Leave a comment Posted on dating, love, Sex

Damn That was Good…

So listen I have to be honest, there is nothing more that I like sometimes than make-up sex. I’m not sure if its the emotion, the passion, the releasing of the anger or all of the above, but there is something special about being able to have a steamy sex session after there has any type of tension, be it intentional or not. U know I know quite a few people who look forward to make-up sex because they feel it’s a time when the sex is extra special. You know the person doing the fucking puts a lil extra force in the their stroke or the person taking the dick puts a lil extra into it to make the sex more pleasureable.

My question has always been why does it take for someone to argue with you in order to have the best sex you’ve ever had. Why can’t you put it down on a consistent basis in order to make sure that your man, or woman always know how good the dick, ass, or cooch is? I mean I guess I’m the type of guy that feels like every time we get it in, I need you to make sure you know how good it is when do it. But man, I can honestly say two of best sexual encounters I’ve had have been when its after I’ve had an argument with someone. 

I also think that make-up sex and break up sex is one in the same. You have make-up sex in order to get the good vibes going. You have break up sex so you can remind the person of what it is that they will be missing. Quite frankly the best sex that I ever had was break up. It was the last time that me and my ex saw each other and slept together. And in all fairness, it did give me second thoughts about whether or not I was doing the right and I know it did the same for him because he told me so after the fact.

I think it’s so funny that most everyone living has a make-up sex and break up sex story similar to that. I’m not sure why we feel the need to do that and it’s weird to think that you would save your best for last but I guess that’s apart of our nature to leave your mark where you left.

#What do you think.. make-up sex or break up sex?

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love

If Only I Could Go Back…

One of the things that I really dislike is when people are too caught up living in the past. Now I have to be honest and say that when I was going through some of my difficult times I often said If I could only go back to when I was.. or Damn I gotta get myself back to when I was… That right there was a defeated mentality. Because, the reality of the situation is that we aren’t meant to live in the past. No matter how successful and fun and productive the past was, it is not the present nor the future. It should be used as a point of reference, a source of inspiration of it was good and a motivational point if it wasn’t so good. 

The past is something we should not want to go back to because we aren’t intended to just be content living out of or off or the past successes. I challenge everyone to take some time and evaluate yourselves to determine if you still are hanging on to parts of the past because of the memories that were created. I often find it to be the reason why so many people, especially the LGBT community, hang on to old relationships that have reached their expiration dates. It’s that feeling that if only they can recreate the time and situation that led to the happiness that existed that the relationship will thrive. 

That to me is a very flawed notion because truth is as we get older and time passes we evolve and change. We stop wanting things that we use to seek and have a desire for something more in most cases. We aspire to have a sense of happiness and satisfaction and what we realize often times is that a person who made us happy in the past doesn’t make us happy now because they haven’t evolved with us. And instead of admonishing that and moving forward, we spend so much time and effort trying to hold ourselves back or wishing for the days gone by so we can keep that person that has our hearts.

The person that you will be with is one who grows along with you. You may not reach the same points at the same time but the work and effort and time put in will reflect someone trying to grow themselves much like you. I’m very proud to say that once I figured that out a lot of things became easier. While I realized I lost some people and let some others gets away because I was stuck in an old mind set, I was thankful that I had grown to accept that the best is always in front of me and I will always be better today than I was yesterday.

#Get out of the past…Sometimes you have to be ok with giving someone the benediction. 

Leave a comment Posted on dating, love

Baby… I L*** You…

Ahhh another favorite of mines to talk about and discuss. The ability of someone to say I Love You and do you really know what it means when you say it.I don’t know if there is something that more people disagree on is how important it is tell the one you with I Love You. And then the other big debate is when should say it? Is there a certain length of time before it becomes appropriate? Is there a certain number of obstacles and challenges you’ve been through together before saying those words would be acceptable.

I guess it also depends on the context in which the words are said because in reality we have different types of love for different groups of people. Folks that are your very dear friends and family you love them too but its not the same kind of love and you probably can say it with less thought, although I would submit that you need to be fairly cautious of when you say that to friends, more so than family, because you need to make sure that that friend really does deserve the right to have your love in that way.

The real meat in this discussion is when is too soon to tell the one your with that you love them? I’ve heard some folks say that it’s not about how much time that passes, but more about what situations happen during the time that allows you to say I love you. Is there such a thing as falling in love too quickly and you really wanting to be loved so badly that you will lower the bar for being in love enough to tell the person you love them. On the flip side of the coin, if you’re the person who tends to take a long time to let those words come out why is it? Have you been hurt in your past for uttering those words too soon? Has someone taken advantage of the fact that they know you love them and exploit it to their benefit? Or could it possibly be that you just truly have a firm understanding for what it means to tell someone you in a relationship with that you love them and you don’t want to play around with those words and its meaning.

To tell your lover that you love them and to mean it, means that you are ready to make the necessary sacrifices in your relationship to make two lives merge into one. You are willing to stand by that person when they’re sitting on top of the world and when they’ve fallen to the bottom if it happens. It means that you are willing to take care of them when they sick and not run to the streets to find some dick, ass or pussy to fuck while they recover. It means that if they’re grinding to make life easier for the two of you and you are fortunate to not have to work, that you are pulling your weight around the house to make sure when they come home they’re hard efforts are appreciated.

See to say I Love You is more than just so you can fuck the night away or pull the strings of emotion of a person. It is actually the words that activate the process to work towards forever and to give yourself to your partner and them give themselves to you.

#Does love always hurt? #Real love don’t bring pain, just challenges…

3 Comments Posted on dating, love

Ooo.. I Think You’re Cute..

Is flirting considered cheating? I’ve had about as many arguments as I’ve had civil conversations about whether or not flirting constitutes cheating. This is one subject where I’m a little bit conflicted, because being a gay man, I’ve harmlessly flirted with women for years. I mean I will be extremely transparent and say that I don’t get turned on at all by a woman so flirting with them for me is just for fun. Where I have a little more of an issue however, is when it comes to flirting with another man. 

Yes gay men know how to flirt so smooth and easy, but also can be very blunt, overt and somewhat messy at times, depending on who’s doing the flirting. I have a very genuine respect for the person who says that they don’t like any kind of flirting by their significant other because they don’t like it and feel that it opens the door to all sorts of opportunities by someone else seeking that time and attention. I also respect the person who says that they are comfortable with themselves and their lover and if it’s just a little harmless flirting they don’t really care.

But I think that does beg the question: How much is too much? And this is where the whole divide begins and seems to take on a life of its own. Is it a sign of insecurity if you get caught in your feelings because someone flirts with ya boo, or if they flirt a little with someone else? Is it a sign that you or the other person aren’t really happy at home or are you just acting on your natural instinct to be engaging, personable and flirtatious? The confident man in me says that if there is a little flirting done by my dude or person I’m dating, I don’t become offended unless i feel like it crosses that threshold and becomes more intense and intimate. At no point should phone numbers or kik handles or twitter handles or Facebook handles be exchanged, because that is when I think it will carry too far and become something more than just a little flirting.

While I can honestly say that I have flirted and been flirted with while I’ve been in relationships, I have always made it clear that home is a happy place and nobody can change that unless I want them too. And to that end, I have usually held my poise when I see someone flirting with my dude, because I actually see it as a badge of honor that somebody else is tryna to get what got.. especially when they try to do it in my presence and my dude thanks them but politely says he’s not single. Being on both ends of watching it happen and having it happen I can say that as long as that trust there between the two people I think a little flirting keeps things healthy and fun.

#You look nice.. Do you flirt?

1 Comment Posted on dating, love

Settling for Less…

The most confounding thing to me is trying to understand why so many people allow themselves to be content with mediocrity and be with someone familiar, rather than step out and meet someone new and find that right one. While I have to say this happens for both sexes and in all communities, I see it happening far too often in the LGBT community. It’s like many of us think that we don’t truly deserve to be happy and that we have to settle for the person we’re with because we’re too busy latching on to the past and not focused on the today and the future.

In my view, a big part of the reason why we do this is because we second guess ourselves, don’t have the confidence in ourselves and quite honestly are very lazy and rather try to keep making a failing experiment work as oppose to allowing yourself to find someone new. Good men and women are out there and I really don’t know why people would want to waste months, years of their lives trying to make someone into who you want them to be or to make them love you, when there is someone out there who will do it all willingly.

I’ve always felt like sometimes we try too hard to follow the anecdotes of teachings from our parents and we take too literal some of the most common cliches. The reality is, yes you do have to fight for what you and want; and good things don’t necessarily come easy. But, the other reality is that you should never have to sacrifice yourself or your happiness to really have someone you want. Being able to be happy with yourself is the most critical element of knowing when it’s time to move on. 

See I feel that too many times people hide behind love, or the oh so common ” we got history” to stay in what really amounts to a dead situation. One of the things I have come to learn is that if you really want to see if that person you want wants you back, you have to be able to show that you can let them go. You have to let them chase you. One person should never do all the work in the relationship. It is true that the best relationship have elements of the unknown in the sense that at any given point in time you must be willing to chase each other until you put a ring on it and settle down.

As I will always say and believe, I never think that a successful relationship comes without great effort, some sacrifice and a willingness to take the time to learn. But, it never come at the expense of your self worth, of your ability to choose to stay or go, or on what was. The past is just that, a memory that cannot and should not be used to justify your misery with someone; yet, it should be used to form the bond and set the expectations. 

So ask yourself this question… #Are you settling for less??

1 Comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love

Do you like em hard or soft…

The great debate of masculine or feminine, hard or soft is one that rages on in the LGBT community. It’s sad to think that more than the personality of the person, the determination of whether most gay men and women talk to each other rests squarely on the fact of if the person a feminine or masculine. And while I certainly understand everyone’s right to choose who they want to date and with whatever characteristics they desire, I also think that it’s quite foolish to say that you can only date a masculine man because that’s what you are, or in most females and some males cases, I gotta date the opposite of me.

To me this theory almost certainly lends itself to not being able to really find a person that might be right for you simply because you can’t deal with parts of their personality. Again, for me I come in fairly indifferent to this one but I will say that I typically do not tend to date those who claim to be overly masculine because dealing with their attitudes doesn’t click well with me and I’m usually better served dating someone with a softer personality type to balance the aggressiveness that naturally shows through.

What I have also discovered is that for females, that fem, stud dynamic takes on a whole different meaning. But it can but much the same for men as well. For some reason we tend to assign roles to someone solely based of if they act, look, or dress hard or soft (masculine or feminine). I have thought for some time that that has to be the stupidest thing to do and the person who does it without knowing the full person is very small minded and is really trying to still fit into the heterosexual classifications of a man and woman relationship.

Something I always thought was weird was that in the aingst of the LGBT community to establish its independence and own identity, we still seem to want to run back the definitions provided by society for a traditional relationship, instead of setting our own boundaries and traditions. i often wonder if the years of fighting for our own equality and struggle to define ourselves, with the recent gains we’ve made have we actually become comfortable with being defined by someone else’s standards?

Does it really matter if you appear to be masculine or feminine? Is it really important if you’re a stud or a fem? I thought that as long as people were a match personality wise, and the sexual chemistry worked it didn’t matter. One thing I do know is some of most masculine men out there are some of most feminine in the bedroom and vice-verse with some of the feminine guys being more dominant and masculine than they appear. 

So where do you fit in on this conversation… #Does being hard matter..?

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love, Sex

On Top, Underneath, or Both…

This is probably one of my more funner blogs because it is a conversation I’m almost certain every gay man has had with someone at some point. Are you a top, bottom, or versatile? Now I can say that I know what it is to be two of these three in a relationship and quite honestly, I’ve been all three in “sex only” relationships. If you ask me which is the most fun I would definitely have to say being with someone else who is versatile is the best sex ever. There are so many things that you do, so many ways to please each other. See when both people are vers it make having sex a blast. And if you’re just having a sexual experience it opens up the possible choices for a threesome, foursome, or orgy to be tops, bottoms, or versatile just like the two people organizing the function.

Being the top i my relationships is usually where I wind up, and If not it’s just a very steamy versatile relationship. No, I don’t believe that I could ever be a bottom in a relationship because I like ass too much, and quite honestly I don’t have a small dick and I definitely like to use it. Now I got to this thought process, by experiencing all of the different labels they put on us as far as our role in the bedroom. I’ve been a top, a versatile top, fully versatile, versatile bottom and bottom. I will be honest, there are times where if the person has the right dick and knows how to use it, I can enjoy having a sexual relationship with them where I’m their bottom, however, I could never date them because again my dick has to get put to use inside a warm tight hole.

Also, I think being a top is so much easier, you have very little prep, just to make sure the dick is fresh and clean; while the bottom has to properly clean themselves, which takes time, and be prepared for a dude who might not know how to use the dick they got. At least you know that if you doing the fucking all you care about is if the bottom still has walls and is that ass squeaky clean. 

That though is where being vers make you have to prepare for it all. You gotta clean because you don’t know if you gone be fucking, getting fucked or both and no one likes to go into the nights events thinking they getting sum ass only to find out the other person isn’t fully prepared. A vers relationship also is less likely to get old and predictable, which lets be honest is a recipe for disaster sometimes too.

So take a little time and really think about what you like.. #top, bttm, or in between….