If you have ever heard an interview of a comedian most of them tell you that they learned to use comedy as a source of relief, but also to turn their pain into a manageable situation. The phrase I’ve often heard is one laughs to keep from crying. The other one is behind the biggest smile, are the biggest tears and the  most pain. I do believe that if you really want to know why so many people laugh so hard it is to keep from crying.

It goes with the territory of manhood in the traditional sense, because so many men are taught that real men don’t cry. Or you have to play it off even if you hurt, you can’t show it because it’s a sign of weakness. If you want to know why this generation of kids, and men in particular, are so insensitive at times it is because for generations all that’s been preached to them is don’t be weak, don’t be a bitch, don’t cry, crying is for girls and sissies.

I would bet that if we spent a little more time being compassionate towards one another and checking on each other to make sure we’re in a good place and if we’re not to let someone know that you care, then we would have a much more understanding and peaceful people. This is particularly true in the African American Community.

So many of the older generation and inside the Black Church have beaten into the heads of men that you cannot be anything less than a warrior. You have to have the strength to overcome anything and never show the pain and hurt when you feel it. I wonder how many men would be better if we had more influential figures who cared about how we feel and making sure that we are not only physically strong, but mentally and emotionally strong as well.

It has gotten to be ridiculous to see that so many of the generations have passed down this show no emotion mentality, that if you happen to let any kind of tear fall somehow you are less than the next man who balls up his pain, buries it in their soul and lashes out with anger and violence, or depression because they can’t freely express themselves.

I can testify so many times to having the widest smile in the world on my face, but underneath that smile was the hurt and pain of an avalanche. I allowed myself to be influenced by the customs of the community by conforming to what I was suppose to be instead of being a real man and showing those emotions, allowing myself to be vulnerable and healing because I dealt with my hurt and anger.

See to me a real man is one who is not afraid to cry when he hurts, to admit to being bruised and scared. One who can tap into his heart and allow for those close to him to see the real pain behind the smile that he cracks to mask the true feelings. I challenge you to take some time out of your day and check on someone you care for. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter, just let them know you care and are there. Because you never know when just that little reminder of someone being there can change the course of someone’s day, or even their life.

#Real shit

As we sit today on the 51st anniversary of Dr King’s “I Have A Dream Speech”, I wanted to take some time and honor him with my twist and version of his speech in today’s time. So, this blog will be longer than normal but will hopefully be more impacting.. Now, My Dream..

As I sit today reflecting on the annals of history that we have gone through, we must realize that The Dream set forth has been realized in parts and unrealized in others. While we have knocked down the barriers to many opportunities to people of color and all creeds, we still have a long way to go. Today we have a similar but  different set of challenges. While men and women can vote and Black people get an equal seat at the counter, we don’t have segregated schools and businesses, but we still don’t have an equal seat in the board room and in the executive meetings. 

Today My Dream is for the young Black men and women to be able to see their beauty for what it is and not feel as though they need to run to look like their White counterparts. I Dream of a day when we can walk hand in hand with our police departments and not walk in fear of senseless murder and stereotyping based on your skin color and gender.I Dream of the day when gay men and women will not be judged because of who they choose to love, rather on whether they are a productive member of community they reside. I Dream of a country that will care for its’ poor as much as it caters to its’ rich.

I Dream of the day when our military men and women that we send out to war and countries in turmoil to protect our freedoms and carryout the mission of our President, are taken care of with the same passion that they fight on the battlefields. I Dream of a world where the existence of HIV can be eradicated and we can begin to heal so many of the communities, countries, states and continents that hurt because of this epidemic. 

I Dream of a day when we can appreciate each other for who we are instead of what we are not. When people can go out and be themselves and not worry about being profiled, called out of their names, looked down on because they don’t dress like the Jones’ or have the best dialect. I Dream of a nation that will not deamonize Transgenders because they choose to walk in their true selves and not conform to what society says they should be.

I Dream of a day when Black people will embrace each other with the love of our ancestors, thou they did not have all the freedoms we enjoy today, they had a sense of pride and togetherness. They supported each other and tried to build things up together. I Dream of a day when stop looking at new coming immigrants as leeches, but as the new wave of the melting pot that we all know this country to be. 

I Dream of the day when religious zelots realize that there is no one way to live and one religion to profess, that you can be Muslim praise Allah, be Christian and worship God, be Buddhist and chant, be Catholic and take guidance from the Pope and you are still equal in America. I Dream of the day when the need to hide your sexuality for fear of a negative stigma is no longer and Preachers who live double lives can come out and be their true selves. I Dream of a day when parents will take more interest in their kids education and make them turn off the t.v. and get into the books. I Dream of the day when we go back to kids being outside and playing with each other and not on computers talking through a screen. 

I Dream of the day when Affirmative Action is not needed to get Black people into the best schools and best businesses and just because you the gift of being an athlete we don’t just glorify the LeBron James’ of the world but we also can spotlight the Chemist and the Engineer, the doctor who’s working to heal patients and the teacher who makes it his/her mission to develop the minds of young people and not just teach to an exam. My Dream is for America to embrace the sick and heal the diseased. My Dream is for the people to work together to end the oppression that we apply to ourselves and uplift each other. 

My Dream is for a America to stop preaching one message to other countries, while not living up to it at home. My Dream is be an inclusive society and not an exclusive fraternity. America My Dream is to fully realize the Dream of Dr. King. To bring equality to all parts of the world from the Pacific Northwest to the Land of the Rising Son. To bring equal justice to the people of this great nation and to continue to strive to become one people under God. For it is the creed of this country that All Men are created equal, that no one has the right to tell you how to live. That no matter your gender, race, sexual orientation, religious background and any other physically defining trait, we are all subject to the same rights. 

That in America the opportunity you want, you should be able to attain if you work hard and pay your dues. My Dream on this day is that we can realize that a unified America is a dangerous America. My Dream is that day by day, person by person, community by community, city by city, state by state we will see each other for magnificent the creations that we are and will work together to end the injustices and persecutions. Today My Dream is for peace and common ground, My Dream is for fairness and opportunity. My Dream is for Kings’ Dream to live forever, that we will forever be able to say that all people are “Free At Last, Free At Last, Thank God Almighty We are All Free At Last.”

Something I cannot stand in this gay versus straight dynamic is why so many straight men feel that just because they are a man that every gay man wants them. I don’t know whether it’s arrogance or paranoia that makes men feel that way, but I hope as we continue to evolve in this modern world, more straight men will be comfortable enough in their skin to accept gay men and be able to chop it up with them when there is common ground.

As a gay man, I can honestly say that I most definitely am not attracted to every man I see, regardless of whether they’re gay or straight. And to that end, there are a vast majority of men like myself that do not have a liking for every dick they see walking. While I will say that there are some men who will flock to the first dick they see and don’t matter whether whose man or woman the person is, there is an overwhelming majority of the community who have a type, and don’t want just anything. 

Let me also say that just because we like a man we see, it also doesn’t mean that you want them. I will say that many of the friends I have, including myself, enjoy looking at men and their bodies and all the parts that are on them, But the ability to watch the eye candy as it passes by is a wonderful thing. And baby the thoughts you can get in your mind about the things you see, well it’s enough to satisfy you for a little while. LOL

Whether or not a straight man is comfortable in his own skin is the only thing that will make being around a gay man uncomfortable. I am fortunate to have friends who are gay and straight and the great about my straight male friends is that they never get an uneasy feeling when I’m around. We’ve played basketball together, played football together, slept over each others house and never was it ever uncomfortable.  See when you have a firm sense of yourself it doesn’t matter who it is that’s around you. Because quite honestly, both women and men alike can be vultures when they see something that they want.

A good dick, with a hard body is enough to make anybody do a double take. And if you just so happen as to date one of those type of men, smile and lay back and take a great deal of pride in knowing that your man is eye candy to the world and bedroom satisfier for you.

#Not all the same..

After a nice day’s rest I’m back with this make you think topic.. Do you often find yourself hating to have conversations with your partner, your family or your friends? Is that reason because they don’t know how to talk to you and have a civilized conversation? One of the hardest tasks it seems to be for people to do is talk to each other with respect. Whether your talking about something serious, or having a discussion about sports, current events, politics or heaven forbid your favorite anything.

There seems to be a large number of people who have a communication issue. They seem to think that in a conversation or debate that there is one right and wrong answer or person at all times. When we forget that the purpose of a conversation is to engage and let someone know your thoughts and to share your insight and not to feel like you are the most intellectual or you are the only one who’s opinion can be right then I feel like conversation is irrelevant and needs not to happen.

Now don’t get me wrong I love a person who has an opinion and stands behind what they believe it, it makes for a very fun and spirited conversation, but in no way will I ever appreciate someone who feels like because they don’t have their opinion coddled and supported they want to attack or dismiss someone as being inept, weak, or incapable of having a real debate or discussion. I challenge people to stop thinking of everything as a challenge and start looking at things as an opportunity to share 

And let me just say for the record that just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re wiser or know more. Because at times the person who has the most age is the most immature person in the discussion. I think once you start to feeling yourself too much and feeling like you are high and mighty, remember that the oldest person walking can still be taught something new. I think it is so awful to see a person who should be able to be the most approachable person turn out to be the worst person you could have ever talked to. And my final point is, if you don’t have any type of positive input to add to a conversation, keep your comments to yourself. 

No one likes having a conversation with someone who will only bring the negatives to light and not positives to the situation, it makes you look like a weak individual. So ask yourself, are you able to hold a conversation?