Aaahhh… I’ m back.. after a much needed break to relax and recharge it’s time to get back to the business at hand.

So if you’ve ever had your heart broken before I wonder what your process is like for starting over and rebuilding yourself. Do you dwell on the pain of the breakup? Are you one who likes to wallow in your hurt and get lost in the failure? Is it possible that you are the type who moves on quickly? And you try to find the next one to develop that bond and become lovers? Or are you the pragmatic one; do you take the time to learn from what went wrong? Do you evaluate yourself and try to make sure that you clean up the areas that you know need improving?

All of these types of people and questions are very valid and they kind of tell the story as to why so many people struggle with relationships and building bonds with the next one, if they have haven’t truly gotten over the last one and allowed themselves to heal, learn, and grow. I have tried to do all three of these approaches at one time or the other. I have gotten right out of one relationship and turned to another, I’ve dwelled a bit on the end of a relationship and wallowed in my sorrow and I’ve also taken the pragmatic, systematic approach and allowed myself to recover from the emotions and things that come with ending a relationship.

I’ve always been curious though as to why so many like to land in one of the first two extremes of the breakup process. They either rush right into the next relationship or they just sit and wallow for so long that they miss the opportunity to really better themselves until the next one comes along, and by that time it’s really too late because you will wind up taking out that hurt, pain and emotion on the next one and you will lose that person. 

Could it partially be because so many people fear being along, so the minute that one relationship ends, whether it was a peaceful breakup or a painful breakup, instead of taking time to regroup and learn and grow, they just decide to charge ahead and bring in the next one who will ultimately pay the price because they’re getting an individual who is not really prepared for this relationship. I also feel like the person who spends too much time wallowing in their own sorrows doesn’t have the personal motivation to move forward and need that new interest in order to get the desire to want to do better.

All of it to me speaks to the bigger problem of: one, people not really willing to take their own responsibility for their role in the breakup and the mental fragility of people today and most importantly I think the need of people to feel like someone else loves them in order to feel good about themselves.

One thing you learn when you allow yourself to go through the process of recovering and rebuilding is that sometimes it’s truly not your fault and sometimes you are just as responsible as the other person. Another thing you learn is that your emotions can get the best of you if you don’t learn how to control them and to know that you are better than someone else validating your worth. So what does your recovery process look like when you’ve been heart broken?