The great debate of masculine or feminine, hard or soft is one that rages on in the LGBT community. It’s sad to think that more than the personality of the person, the determination of whether most gay men and women talk to each other rests squarely on the fact of if the person a feminine or masculine. And while I certainly understand everyone’s right to choose who they want to date and with whatever characteristics they desire, I also think that it’s quite foolish to say that you can only date a masculine man because that’s what you are, or in most females and some males cases, I gotta date the opposite of me.

To me this theory almost certainly lends itself to not being able to really find a person that might be right for you simply because you can’t deal with parts of their personality. Again, for me I come in fairly indifferent to this one but I will say that I typically do not tend to date those who claim to be overly masculine because dealing with their attitudes doesn’t click well with me and I’m usually better served dating someone with a softer personality type to balance the aggressiveness that naturally shows through.

What I have also discovered is that for females, that fem, stud dynamic takes on a whole different meaning. But it can but much the same for men as well. For some reason we tend to assign roles to someone solely based of if they act, look, or dress hard or soft (masculine or feminine). I have thought for some time that that has to be the stupidest thing to do and the person who does it without knowing the full person is very small minded and is really trying to still fit into the heterosexual classifications of a man and woman relationship.

Something I always thought was weird was that in the aingst of the LGBT community to establish its independence and own identity, we still seem to want to run back the definitions provided by society for a traditional relationship, instead of setting our own boundaries and traditions. i often wonder if the years of fighting for our own equality and struggle to define ourselves, with the recent gains we’ve made have we actually become comfortable with being defined by someone else’s standards?

Does it really matter if you appear to be masculine or feminine? Is it really important if you’re a stud or a fem? I thought that as long as people were a match personality wise, and the sexual chemistry worked it didn’t matter. One thing I do know is some of most masculine men out there are some of most feminine in the bedroom and vice-verse with some of the feminine guys being more dominant and masculine than they appear. 

So where do you fit in on this conversation… #Does being hard matter..?