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The Loneliness of Growth…

I’ve had to sit back and think about what growing up really means and how growth can often times leave you lonely. In talks with my best friend though, I discovered that it’s a nationwide, global situation that seems to occur in blocks of time in your life.

This seems to be one of those blocks and it’s very interesting when you realize it’s happening and the different reactions of those you associate with. From close friends, to mere acquaintances the reactions to the changes occurring are of shock and dismay a bit. And for me it’s one of volatility and uncertainty.

I’m learning what it means to grow into yourself and how to cherish the real and dismiss the imaginary. It’s ironic that when you allow yourself to be stuck in a drama filed, chaotic, messy lifestyle and being surrounded by the same people, you have more “friends” and “fun.”

Finding yourself in a world that still has a lot of prejudice towards Black men and Black, Gay Men is extremely difficult and if you don’t have a strong sense of self or a strong inner circle, you can believe it’s enough to make you question your relevance. I’ve had numerous internal conversations with myself lately trying to figure out of I’m doing the right things and making the right decisions.

Making sense out of reality can be tough. Accepting that people will use you for what you have more then they will befriend you what you share in common is a hard thing to accept. When you know that you are authentic and real, giving and honest, but that only gets you the leeches before it gets you the same type of person in return.

A big part of growth is knowing your self worth and not allowing those who are only appreciative of your physical or monetary gifts to ruin that development process. It is the hardest thing to do, because most of us as people like being accepted and moreover like being around people. But what you learn as you grow is you have to be careful of the people you are around. While all people can serve a purpose and can help you have a good time, most don’t have your best interest at heart and being in that circle can have negative consequences.

So as I sit here this morning, struggling with the loneliness and doubt of what I’m doing, I think I actually take solace in the fact that I see myself growing and I see the changes I’m making. The decisions are more rational and the outcomes are more positive. But the facts still remain, finding those friends that are truly friends and want that same success you do is tough. Leaving behind those who are stuck in the past can be trying, but it’s necessary. And growing out of usual patterns into new habits is difficult, but a requirement.

Growing up sometimes is lonely and continual growth can often lead to lonely times, but hopefully the end result makes it all worth it. Just some food for thought.

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Loss of Opportunity..

You know I have always been a supporter of The View. Yes I know it’s a bunch of middle aged women talking about current events, but listen they have very lively and engaging debate. They have cohosts with varying views and it always provides a chance to hear opposing views on the days or weeks hot topics.

Well, following last weeks historical decisions I fully expected the ladies of The View to have robust discussions about these life changing decisions. But to my surprise there was not one word uttered about these decisions in the two shows that followed the landmark cases. And that is the  most shocking thing that I’ve seen on this show.

For a show that can have Donald Trump and open discussions about the race card being used during President Obama’s presidency. From talking about all the shootings and massacres, to all of the topics in between. This show has been known to not have the same Conservative boundaries as some of their counterparts. And maybe that has changed.

Barbara Walters is still an Executive Producer of this show she created and I find it hard to imagine that she would not want the ladies to talk about Healthcare and Gay Marriage. For Whoopi and Raven to not even mention it, well that’s really shocking to me.

I guess there comes a time in everything where you are disappointed in something you thought was solid. Now, I have mines in the View. I know some may think its trivial, but when you think about how many controversial topics they’ve discussed, to miss the opportunity to deeply discuss two of the most hot button issues of our time, they took a giant pass. I guess I just want to know why.

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The Great Black Divide

Now listen most of what I’m about to say is nothing new and probably been said before. My hope that my framing of it will cause you to think a little harder, reflect a little deeper, respect each other a little better, and cause some unity, if only for a moment, to advance the cause.

I’ve seen all over social media since the historic decision on Friday, a call to arms of all different groups. From White Conservatives, to Black Conversations, to liberals of all persuasions and I can’t forget the moderates who keep the whole damn world sane..LOL

But there is a schism that exists in the Black Community that’s preventing us to really achieve more the unilateral improvements we all wish for that we see occurring for other groups. The primary reason for this is because we aren’t able to come together long enough and in large enough numbers to truly affect things and bring change.

See we are so controlled by the damn dollar and being distracted by trying to look like White people in order to beat White people that we can’t ever come together to get things done. We love to run and hide behind “traditions” as our reasoning for so much, but I challenge you to tell me what traditions you speak of that are inherent to us. Because if you take a few moments to think, what you’re really talking about are the White conditioned traditions that we have gravitated towards.

The Black Church has become a Capitalistic vessel because it decided to lay in bed with the White Mans money, rather than continue the work to uplift its people and champion the causes that lead to equality. We as a people became so fixated on the division within the Church once the pastors starting preaching exclusion instead of inclusion, that we too turned on each other and stopped looking our different skin tones, unique accents, alternative lifestyles as opportunities to learn and unite, and instead used them to divide and tear down.

We must learn that it’s not up to President Obama to make the way for us. It’s not up to Politicians, who are just trying to keep their jobs, to make the way for us. It ultimately is up to us. We have to learn how to take queues from my LGBTQ community and come together enough to affect change. Don’t think that our community is peaches and cream because we spend more damn time tearing each other down and fucking up own images than we do building them. But, we do know how to come together for a cause as well.

Black people we gotta stop being so damn gullible. We must learn that we are all beautiful and amazing despite our different skin tones and accents and choice of clothing and lovers. We must realize that we have so much power in our midst that if we just stopped fighting we could have so much power. We are our biggest detractors. We are our biggest road block. We are our own worst enemies. Instead of us embracing our differences and coming together around our commonalities, we spend time bickering about which section of us is right and which is wrong.

It’s a shame that religion has torn us apart because so many Black Christians hide behind destructive religious teachings instead of learning the text and its context and meanings for themselves. We are damaging ourselves so much that we just accept the endless hurt and killings. We kill each other over drugs, money, men and women, but won’t come together to make sure we can be power players at the table to increase our access to the money so we don’t need to kill over it.

Black people wake up, where mom or dad is there or not, you are a strong person with power in your mind and heart. There is power waiting for all of us, if we step up and just accept the call to arms instead of deferring it to those who need to profit in order to speak for us. Gay or straight, thug or geek, athlete or business person, we are all one people fighting to advance. Lets join together and make some shit happen.

Wake up

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Symbolism.. Why it’s so important

So I’ve been listening and watching about the events in Charleston, South Carolina. I had to sit back and think about all the horrific sights and the devastated hearts that followed as a result. You know now that those souls are laid to rest and the conversation is as strong as ever about race relations and the Confederate Flag, I think its time for a little more perspective.

I’ve been watching as social media has been running the constant comparisons of the decision the Supreme Court handed down on gay marriage and the inequality that still exists for Black people and White people. And make no mistake about it, there is still so much to be done but these moments need to stay separated and I will address it more in my next post. For now lets just focus on the symbolic nature of this killing and actions of the families following.

As anybody who has talked to me knows, I’m not very effusive in my praise for the Black Church, because for all it has stood for throughout history and continues to stand for today, there are so many outdated and ancient practices in the church that has kept it from continuing to be the rallying point that it once was. Not to mention the drama and histrionics of those wanting to have “stature” and “power” in the Church community. The Church has been torn apart by greed and money and it’s a shame.

But, lets still remember that the Black Church, for as long as they’ve existed in this country, has stood as a symbol of power and togetherness for the community. It was the place that launched the career of Dr. King, the church is the place Malcolm X became such a demonstrative figure. The church is where refuge was sought during slavery and slaves quest for freedom.

The Church was the place that we went to in order to recharge and hear a word to uplift you in times of struggle. The Church was the place that groomed young men and women for the world. It was the place that when the rest of the world told you that you weren’t good enough, it told you that you were. When the world told you that your pigmented skin was ugly and not humane, the Church said it was beautiful, unique and amazing.

See that radical, racist, prejudiced White man, went to the symbolic place to try and incite another Civil War. For all the bull shit that his people trying to “defend” him put out about him being mentally unstable, the reality is this man was very sane, stable and rational. He knew that if he went to that historic church and executed those people it would cause outrage and he hoped that it would lead to war and to further expose Black people, in his mind and the minds of others, to be out of control, angry, violent people; not worthy of being considered equal.

He said as much on his social media rants. He wanted to go to a place that symbolized the strength of the African American community and cause emotional and physical scars that would paralyze a community with fear and hatred, leading to violence and slaughtering of countless men, women and children of color. See for all the rush by some in White America to paint him as unstable and mentally challenged, it is the opposite in fact that’s true about him. He knew where to strike  Black America, he just didn’t expect the reaction he received.

I must applaud that Church and the parishioners and family members of those in that church for their reaction to this tragedy. Another racially charged terroristic act. Yes, I will call it that because that’s just what it is. See we have to realize that while we damage our own cause by stupidly killing each other, we also give rise to those who truly hate us to kill us and use the veil of Black on Black killing as justified comparisons for what they do.

Symbolism folks is just as strong, if not stronger at times, than the act itself. Because it’s the symbolic images and emotions that people illicit from these tragedies that spur actions. Now all across the deep South, politicians are rushing to remove the Confederate Flag because they feel convicted by this latest massacre. But maybe what really got them is they realized the negative, destructive, and contentious symbol that the Flag represents and finally they say no more.

Keep this debate up, equality comes from courage, conversation and numbers. Power is in the masses ability to come together.

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A Eulogy for the Ages

Throughout the six years the President Obama has been in office, I have been able to listen to him give some of the most riveting and emotional speeches I’ve ever heard. Make no mistake about it that this man is one of the great orators of our time. Among American Presidents is ranks right at the top of the list. His ability to touch that emotional fabric of your heart and remind you that above being President, he is a Man, a Father, a Brother, another American citizen.

On Friday, lost in the jubilation of the historic decision of the Supreme Court, was a eulogy delivered by the President for one of victims of the shooting in Charleston, SC. I must tell you that if you haven’t had the opportunity to listen to this passionate, emotional speech, then you have missed another dynamic, impactful speech delivered by this president.

Once again faced with addressing the masses after another national tragedy, President Obama did what only he could do. He reached back and got in touch with his roots. Speaking candidly, emotionally and honestly about the struggles of being Black in America. He reached back into history to help Americans understand that while this act does not in any way represent the entire White community, it does remind us that there are those factions that do not care for African Americans. He reminded us that race has been and will always be the elephant in the room. It is the contentious conversation that can break families up.

President Obama spoke passionately about the need for American hiring practices to embody the American spirit, that just because your name is Jamal and you are of color doesn’t mean you are less qualified than Johnny who is pale skinned and lacks pigment. He reminded us that the reason we didn’t see mass rage and aggression is because this person attacked what has been know as the bedrock of peaceful assembly for most Black people..the church.

While the Black church is far from perfect, it is and will forever be the rallying point for so many in the African American community. It is the place that many grew up in and learned how to become better adults. It was the place that fostered hope and opportunity for young people needing to feel loved and accepted.

The Presidents eulogy reminded us why for so long the Black Church has stood for power in the Black Community. But to me he also reminded us of what we need to do. Get back to the point of uplifting young children and continuing to promote love and acceptance, over hate and disdain. The President showed us that he is just as Black as the person riding the bus to work every day. He showed that he knows the historical context of the song Amazing Grace.

He showed us that he is just a regular guy just like us, who happens to hold the most powerful office in the free world. President Obama reminded us of where we still need to get to, be he also helped us remember that love, peace and the unrelenting Grace of God, that none of us deserve, we can become a better people. That eulogy was one of his greatest speeches because it embodied a people and a culture. It showed that above all he is the nations first Black President and one you can oh so proud of. Black Americans, support this man because he damn sure supports us,

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History We Can Be Proud Of

You know let me start by saying that never would I have thought that in the prime of my life would I be witnessing so many monumental, historical moments. Moments that when I’m old and reflecting on my life I will say, I remember when…

The landmark Supreme Court decision on Friday was a major for my community, LGBTQ, but it was also a large step forward for this country, which has had a history of marginalizing cultures and groups of people that were not in the “power” positions in America.

Do you realize that now because of this ruling, all of us homosexual Americans have the same rights as the heterosexual Americans. We can have our spouses inherit the benefits given to married couples when one passes away. Now instead of a Gay persons family making decisions when they are incapacitated, our lovers will have that ability to execute our wishes.

More importantly it levels the playing field a little bit. We aren’t looked at in the eyes of the law as less than and incomplete citizens. Because yes, I will also be honest and say the divorce rate in America is going to soar through the ruff but we now can say that across this great nation, in every nook and cranny. From the Pacific Northwest to Florida keys. From the Colorado Rockies to Appalachian Mountains in Virginia and all places in between members of the LGBTQ community can wed without fear or shame.

For those who want to continue to falsely claim that President Obama hasn’t done enough in office look at this decision. Never in American history has a sitting President come out in support of the LGBTQ community, until this man. Using the Justice Department and Congress and his office to support, promote and champion the Gay community.

America, we’ve come a long way from the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell days and the Defense of Marriage Act that was on the books. Even though we still have a long way to go in order to reach the equality dreamed about by Dr. King, we are getting there, one monumental brick at a time.

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Guzzlin’ LeBron’s Dick…

So I will be the first one to say that I’m not a big LBJ fan at all. I feel like he’s been propped up and glorified since he stepped foot in the NBA. Yes, I will give some credit where it’s due, he is one hell of a basketball player. There are not many players who can guard positions 1-4 on the floor. But that is also where I have to cut it off.

See I’m not really a guy who has ever believed in conspiracy theories or any of that, but, as it relates to LeBron I must say that I’m really sick and tired of the bullshit that goes his way. To be 6’8 and 260 pounds of solid muscle, he is one of the biggest bitches in the league. I get so sick of watching games and seeing that scrunched up face he makes, when he feels he should get a call and doesn’t. I’m also sick of watching him flop because he does the shit way too much.

Not to mention, he has the media and the officials seemingly in his ass pocket. The commentators never seem to want to admit that he has never been able to lead a built around him to the title. Yes he’s made six finals appearances, and five in a row. I will admit that’s very impressive, but lets also be honest, he made four of those trips with Dewayne Wade’s team and a super trio of players.

When the comparisons are made to the greatest ever, Michael Jordan, I have to laugh in anyone’s face who does that. What the fuck do you see that lets you make that decision? If you take today’s game and apply Jordan in it, he would fuckin these dudes up left and right. Back when Mike was the dominant man in the game he was playing in a league where the Pistons were close-lining his ass to make sure he didn’t get to the basket.

If you let someone touch LeBron too hard it’s a whistle and it sucks. So yes let me be clear I despise Kobe Bryant more than any other player, except LeBron, but I give the Black Mamba all the credit in the world. He stayed in L.A. all these years and had teams built him and his talents and won Championships. Yes he had his fair share of whining ass moments too, but the reality is he is one of the games greatest, and I respect him for it.

So here’s my thing..Maybe if the people calling games and officiating them would get out LeBrons ass and realize that while he may be one of the most talented players in the league, I don’t think he’s the best player in the league. Lets make the shit more even; I’m tired of seeing him getting drooled on by EVERYBODY.

#I’m done

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The Social Media THOT

As much as I appreciate social media and what it has done for making communication easier, I’m equally as annoyed at how many people use it to feed their THOT like habits. I mean don’t get me wrong, I think on the whole most people do not need social media to be a THOT, but the easy availability to reach the masses seems to have made a generation of Thirsty Social Media people.

I use Facebook as my primary example. I tend to limit the amount of time I spend on there because it’s so many people, A. spilling their guts on their lives, B. soliciting people for sex or C. a combination of the two. Now many will disagree with me that if you seem to spend all your time posting half naked, or naked photos of yourself, or if you are spending most of your time telling the world your problems or how much you want x, y, or z, that you are being a social media THOT, but if you take the time to actually think about it, you will see it’s true.

Lets think about it, why else would have an incessant need to keep showing the world your body if you not trying to get attention? And what kills me is when folks are called on it, the first thing that they want to say is well you know it’s my profile and if I want to show it off so what? My response to that is, you’re thirsty and you want attention. Because I’m sure there are plenty of other things you can do aside from keeping showing your half naked body or your dick print through your underwear to get attention.

Last time I checked there are A PLENTY of sites and apps out there for exposing yourself and getting the attention that you want. And I also say the same thing about people who feel oh so inclined to tell the world about why your dude or woman is the best thing on the planet every day. It’s not needed. Plus, I don’t really think people care about how much sex you having with them and what they doing that the last one didn’t. Once again, more thirst.

See what I learned a long time ago from this social media craze, is the less you share, the more interest people tend to take when you do open your curtains to the world. And, if you are one of those that shares everything, then maybe people are taking interest cuz they wanna see you fail or they just might be plotting on how to get what you got.. And please don’t that that you’re that good that it can’t happen. Remember you’re telling the world the good and bad, the do’s and don’ts of your significant other.

So my thing is this.. when did it become normal, natural, or cool to always let people see the inner most private parts of your life? I thought that it was the smart and less stressful thing to leave people out of your business. IDK maybe that urge to be the center of attention consumes folks. Either way, the social media THOTs are real and don’t seem to be slowing down any time soon.

Good luck with that, and I hope it doesn’t cost you a relationship because you’re more concerned with what the world knows, rather than what your relationship needs…minimal hands in the pot..

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The Capitalism of the Black Church

Now before I get started with the blog let me be the first to say that I love my church. I have been a faithful member for almost five years. I would also say that this church for me is unlike any other church I’ve ever attended. It operates on the same principles as other churches, which is a must for survival and to do the work of ministry, but it doesn’t pray on its members.

Now that I got that out the way.  This blog, if read by any black religious folks or hell any religious person in general, will not appease you. See I’m applying this to the Black Church because it’s the one that I know but I’m sure this could apply to many different denominations and sects of churches.

I personally believe that part of the reason that so many people today, and especially in America, are disassociating themselves from the church is because they are heavy handed and way to built around Capitalism, instead of Servitism. And yes, I did just create that word. Let me explain: Servitism is what the church was supposed to be based upon. Serving the community, its members, visitors and those who were less fortunate. It was meant to serve as a conduit between God and his teachings. See it was meant to be that bridge to understanding.

But because of the Government back during President 43, the Black Church has become nothing short of a cash cow. And I would go so far as to say to trace it further back than that. When the White Capitalists ventured down to Africa to rape the land and become the benefactors of its riches, they handed the Africans a bible and church, while they took the land and their self dignity.

What bothers me so much about today’s Secular culture is that we see so many damn churches all over the place and yet, we as a people and a nation are more fucked up, socially isolated and broken than ever before. When I try to figure out why, I look no further than those churches. In fact, lets just look at one type of church.. The Mega Church.

See this type of church is the epitome of a Capitalistic Church. All of the pastors of these churches, except one, preach a message of exclusion and demon spirits. They like to tell you that the only way to measure your success is to be rich and have lots of prosperity. They never tell you that you need to sufficiently address your personal deficiencies. They don’t like to tell you that if you love the same sex you are equal. They don’t like tell you to budget, they like to tell you to give your all to the church. Even to the point of being broke, because that’s when God will bless you.

And to me that sounds stupid. Why would God want you to not be able to sustain yourself, to prop up an institution that is thriving and booming with money and resources. Instead, shouldn’t that institution be giving back to its parishioners who have given to build their cause?

Yes there are things that these churches do in the community, but is it really enough? Are they really addressing enough people and solving enough of the problems? Maybe if the Church stop trying to pad its coffers and spent more time making sure the neighborhood and environment within which they occupy has the resources, both monetary and nonmonetary, to grow and develop into truly productive and supportive places. Maybe then we wouldn’t have so many senseless killings, so much White on Black police crime, so many domestic abuse cases, and so much rampant and needless homelessness.

Come on Black Church, ease up your reins and change your Capitalistic model, you have a community that needs you.

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The Conformity of the Black Gay Male

I have been struggling with this concept for quite some time and over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to sit back and think about how to compose this blog. What I have realized is that as much as we, Black Gay Men, love to swear up and down that we are who we are and that we shouldn’t be forced to conform to the norms of society, it’s ironically just what we’ve done. And I know this will step on a few toes but, as anybody who knows me knows, I don’t give a damn.

See we have spent so many years fighting for our equality and our rights to exist independently and separate from the Heterosexual worlds definitions of who we should be, but as we continue to reach those goals, I’m starting to see so much more that we are conforming to just that very ideology we are striving to break free from. .

We love to boast that we don’t want to be defined as masculine or feminine or any of those titles, but as soon as you get on any of the social dating apps, the first thing you get on profiles is they only want…fill in the blank. So immediately my mind starts to wonder, are we just so fuckin’ trained to the “normal” standards that we just can’t break the chains of stereotyping? See here is what I know about that dynamic. I’ve seen more “feminine” men come into their own form of “dominant” roles and become some of the best tops you will ever know.

And conversely, I’ve seen a damn army of supposed “masculine” men become top flight bottoms as well. So I think my point here is instead of worrying about how masculine or feminine someone is, why not be concerned with do they give you what you want. See it appears that middle person has become the lost love and if you blend the lines of masculinity and femininity at all, you are vilified as not being enough of one or the other. And I think that’s very damaging.

Why is it that everyone loves to live at these extreme ends of the pole? Why is it that you have to be all one way or the other? I thought the definition of being gay is that you are a man who likes men. And yes your preference is just that, but correct me if I’m wrong.. If you are fucking an ass or taking some dick, you are exhibiting some sort of feminism no? I mean think about it this way. A straight person is fucking the opposite sex. If you are fucking the same sex why do you have to put yourself in a defined role?

I think what I have enjoyed most about those men who are versatile like myself is that we blend the lines of masculinity and femininity and that to me is the point of living this lifestyle. We aren’t concerned with how deep your voice is or how e-feminit you are. I think those who try to live as just a top or just a bottom who need to have just a Masculine man or Feminine man could learn a thing or two. Who you date does not define your masculinity or femininity, it is truly based upon you and your actions.

Yea I know I’ve said a lot and I know there will be people who disagree with me and that’s fine I welcome the conversation because I think when we push ourselves and break out of traditional customs, we become an even better people. We live this Gay life and we should always be looking for ways to invite uniqueness and individualism, instead of ways to isolate and reject individuals.

#I’m back