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Still Second Class

Now that a little time has passed since all the goingson at the University of Missouri, I would be remiss if I didn’t offer my opinion and perspective on the situation. One of my co-workers and I were talking about the conflict and she is from Missouri and support all things Univ. of Mizzou; but we talking about how the reality of the situation is that if it wasn’t for the football team stepping up to support the cause and the young, Black student who was spearheading the peaceful protest, this would have gotten very little traction and you would have likely seen even similar to that in other parts of the country when there has been racial prejudice and injustice.

My honest opinion is that if it would have been the drama club or some other campus organization that was not a big time revenue generating group, then this protest would have lasted a lot longer and all the high profile resignations would not have occurred so quickly. It still remains a fact that one, Black folks are still considered second class in certain parts of the country and money will always talk. This is a lesson in peaceful protesting, but also just how powerful a football program, that generates large dollars for a school, can be when they decide to band together for a cause.

I am very proud of the actions of those athletes and of the other students in the school who stood up for what was right in the face of adversity, fear and danger to themselves. I am so excited to see that we could gather together and show the world that not only do we know how to burn shit down to get our point across, but we still know how to organize and rally support. We know how to come together and articulate ourselves, and show everybody that we aren’t second class and we’re not just to be used for our physical gifts.

But one glaring thing is still very obvious, and that is that we are still second class in the eyes of so many. Why is that in 2015 are we still having to deal with the prejudices of College or University presidents and administrations because of their beliefs that we aren’t still equal to our white counterparts. It is a very sad commentary on this country, that as much as people like to stick their chests out and say we’re post racism when you look at all the very public racial incidents within the past couple years, it’s very apparent that we have a long way to go.

Thank you Missouri students, and the football team is included in that students. Remember they are student athletes. What are your thoughts. Lets talk.

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Eccentric Doesn’t Mean Feminine

You know one of the biggest misconceptions in the gay community, especially the Black Gay community, is that if your eccentric or you have color in your hair then you must be feminine or somehow not as masculine as a dude who has muscles, or one solid, low-top hair color. So I don’t understand how that’s actually true. Because if I’m completely honest, there are sooooo many gays who have the “masculine” look in a picture or in physically, but you let them open their mouths and they are as gay and flaming as they come.

See I think once again we’ve been brainwashed by “society” to think that somehow if you have a different look that makes you stand out, you automatically have to be deemed feminine or not masculine enough. If you have pictures that aren’t just of your dick and chest or your ass and chest you aren’t manish enough. You have to either be fully clothed, or flippin the bird in the picture. You gotta be blowing smoke or displaying a gun or gun sign in the general area of your photo. You have to be a dread head or have the low cut with waves all the way through.

I wish someone in this lifestyle can help me understand why in this day in age when are in such an uproar for equality and freedom. When so many Black men who are gay want to be judged based on their content and not who they fucking, why do they still stereotype each other because one doesn’t look like what the world has said for ages must be the look of a masculine man?

Could it be possible that we still suffer from Post Traumatic Slavery Disorder? Damn right I said it. The reality of the situation is that in every cultural dynamic that exists in the black community we seem to preach this idea of a man being hard and niggerish. Having this rough exterior and talking with little respect for their fellow gay men. Why is the community so accepting of a man who sags his pants down to their kneecaps and is tatted up; but the man who is sharply dressed business professional or the eccentric musical stylist or artist is somehow not quite as manly?

I understand why so many black gay men choose to date men who are Puerto Rican or Asian or White or any other ethnic makeup; because they realize how stereotyping and cynical the Black gay community can be. We bitch and moan so much about not being treated fairly and unfair labels being placed on us, but do we ever stop and realize that we do so much damage to ourselves by always wanting to match up to what the hetero world says we should look like to be deemed “masculine”.

Tell me your thoughts America. Lets have this dialogue.

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Are You Dead…

As I continue to grow and experience things in my life, I’m beginning to understand even more just how much death, literal or figurative, can impact your life. When someone you know, especially if they were close to you, dies it makes you stop and think, in most cases. You take some time to reflect upon things that you and that person went through together. You think about what that person was like. You wonder if you will be able to find a friend that special again or did you just possibly lose an angel on Earth to watch over you in heaven.

Death is just that. It is a finality to someone’s life. It is an end of communication. Death is one of the few things that we cannot cheat nor run away from. It is inevitable for all of us on Earth. No one can escape it when your number is called. A lot of times I often wonder if those who die really know that their time is coming to an end. Do they get this sixth sense and feeling that their time is up and what about the young babies and children who die so soon.

The emotions that can come from the body when someone you love and care for dies can sometimes be enough to make you fall into a dark, depressive state. It can make you forget who you are and try to hold on to the person that has gone away to be at peace. And yet for some, those emotions can bring them alive. Make them want to live and experience life in honor of their fallen loved one.

May I also submit to you that while physical death is very difficult, figurative death can be just as debilitating and in fact, more so. How many times have you “killed” someone off in your mind that you thought was going to be around your life for a long time? That friend that you just knew you would friends until the end, only to have life or some issue make that friendship disappear and you have to move on.

How many times have you thought that you had that one person who you were going to love and marry, spend the rest of your life with. Only to have obstacles that derailed that relationship and in order for you to move on you kill them in your mind. When you do these things does apart of you actually die inside as well? Do you get somewhat recreated and altered from the person you were because you’ve had to change parts of you due to the death of a relationship in your life?

When you’re all alone because of either types of death being experienced how do you cope? How do you allow a part of you to die, while allowing something else in you to be born and be free? Does a little part of you die when you’re left alone on special occasions repeatedly and the excuses tend to come up the same? Man I can only wonder if we truly understand what death really means in all aspects.

America, tell me your thoughts.. Do you feel any of these things? Is it something that’s more in your head and heart?

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Race Baiting Is Still Alive

Before I begin let me say that this post will be very biased and extremely opinionated. I don’t care if you disagree with my opinion. In fact, I welcome the debate about this subject and I wish someone would prove me wrong.

Now that I’ve given my disclaimer let me get into the meat of what I really want to say. I have seen the videos of the White police officer physically removing the young black student from the classroom in South Carolina. First, let me say that I don’t agree with the young lady’s behavior. You cannot refuse to leave the classroom when the teacher and subsequent school administrators instruct you to do so. I’ve been a teacher at one point and I know whenever I’ve had to get a student leave my class they do so, and if they didn’t I called school officials.

That notwithstanding, I damn sure don’t agree with a grown ass man physically assaulting a teenager in order to get her out of the classroom. Now from what I understand she was on cell phone and wouldn’t get off the phone. Again, yes, she should have been asked to put the phone away and the teacher has a right to take the phone if she doesn’t want to listen, but again should this white man abuse her to get her out the classroom….NO.

I also heard the clip from the Sheriff who said he was looking at the actions of the officer, even though he feels that there could have been a partial explanation for why he was forceful because she was hitting the officer. If his dumb ass is watching the same video I’m watching, maybe she’s reacting that way because of how physically aggressive he was towards her.

I do think that this situation has no good solutions because the student chose not to be compliant with the instructions of her teacher. And for her to be disobedient towards the administration official was a little worse. I do think however, that the teacher could have done a better job of handling the situation if all she was doing was talking or texting on her phone. I’m certainly trying to see if I can see a situation where if that was a white student where the officer or teacher would have behaved in the manner that they did.

And for that Sheriff to throw in that the officer is/was dating a Black woman is laughable to me. I’m so sick and damn tired of people trying to use the one or two or three Black friends or lovers, past or present, that someone has for validating their beliefs that their actions were not race related. I mean really?? If you counting the number of people then doesn’t that clue yo dumb ass in even more that there could be something to the story.

Either way this story is very disturbing and I’m very much so looking forward to the outcome. To think that the student is currently facing criminal charges as a result of this situation is ignorant and really suspect. Maybe we should continue to pay attention to these types of issues as much as we pay attention to everything else. Students need to be protected too.

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Pride Before the Fall

You know in everything that exists in life I always struggle to understand why so many people have to be so prideful in everything that they  do. Why do men always have to feel like just because someone may be more experienced, have more diversification in their lives that they’re always trying to tell you what to do instead of wanting to help guide someone thru the pit falls of life?

As I’ve had the chance to watch different types of gay men interact with each other, and mostly my own interactions, I have come to realize that a man’s pride is his downfall as much as it’s his strength. I can only imagine what the Black community would be like if instead of rejecting help and not listening to those that came before, they took the information and used to prevent themselves from self destructing. Why can’t it be a situation that older men who date younger men truly want to give their knowledge to their younger lover, while that lover gives vibrance to the older man.

I think the relationship between my pastor and his partner is amazing. You can tell that his partner uses the knowledge and expertise that my pastor has to help him grow and continue to mature in areas where he is weak. And conversely, it’s very clear to see that my pastor’s young partner helps to keep him invigorated and youthful. If we all took that approach that young and old doesn’t have to be for just financial gain maybe we could be a better group of people.

Why is that just because the man is older than his lover, that he can’t learn some things from him pr her too? Why do we always think that just because we have friends or co-workers who are older that they are the only ones capable of giving advice to those who are younger? What I understand is that young people have a perspective. One that is unique and more common now days, is filled with very difficult challenges and in some cases dire situations.

Maybe we need to all stop being so prideful in ourselves and thinking that we are the only ones who have been through something. Maybe we need to realize that when someone is trying to give us information that can be helpful, it’s meant to be just that. It’s not meant to be antagonizing or belittling. How many times has someone you know and have respect for offers advice on something going on in your life and you jump to the defensive end of the stick, solely because your pride says no one can tell you about your story.

Even the greats of our time needed someone to help them get there. Why do we only seem to think that thought or concept applies to those figures talked about in history or seen on tv? When do we come to the light and see that we need someone sometimes to help us manage the obstacles in life? Get out your own damn way and stop fucking thinking that you have all the answers. Because the truth is if you knew every thing, you wouldn’t go through the shit that you do.

#prideful #fall

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Did He Really Say That

I know that I’m a bit behind on this story because I haven’t been able to write, but I want to go back and address Terry Bradshaw’s comments from last week about Greg Hardy of the Dallas Cowboys and his comments that he made about wanting to come out Guns Abalazing in his first game of the season following suspension.

If you don’t know his story, I will not go detail for detail, rather a brief overview and you can read the rest for yourself. When Hardy was a Carolina Panther, he had a domestic abuse charge leveled against him by his ex-girlfriend. She says he got very physical with her and had lots of guns and threw her on top of them. He says that wasn’t the case and was initially found guilty. He appealed for a trial by judge and was found not guilty afterwards, but it was determined that he did something wrong in that case.

The league suspended him 10 games, the appeal reduced it to 4 games and last Sunday was his first game back. Bradshaw, on his Sunday morning football pregame show says that the league should have a policy that would have completely removed Hardy from the league and thinks his comments were disgusting. Now, I have to wonder why all of a sudden this extreme sensitivity is being bandied about in regards to the comments Guns Ablazing, when in Nascar and other sports you hear athletes use that terminology often.

I’m guessing because he had this case out there against him for potential weapons use people think that somehow he doesn’t have the right to use colorful language when he speaks. I think that Bradshaw is an ass and those who were all up in arms in agreement need to seriously look at themselves and stop the holier than thou business.

Let me be clear, I do not support, condone nor have a large tolerance for domestic violence. Whether its man on woman, woman on man, man on man or woman on woman. It has no place and isn’t very respectful at all. What pisses me off is that all these folks in society think that just because someone made a mistake in the past that they somehow don’t have the right to continue to be themselves and make amends for their past transgressions.

God forbid that Bradshaw, who had problems in his life and others make a mistake with their words and people want to vilify them. I bet they would want to be given that grace upon the throne with which they try to sit and ask for them to be allowed to grow and develop, but to also be themselves.

Hey Terry, you’re still making mistakes so next time you want to be righteous, take a look in the mirror and then let me know ok. Mr. Hardy, just be careful and go do what you do my friend. But real talk keep your hands off people, you don’t have that right either.

Just this guys take.

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Why The Public Shouldn’t Be Shocked

You know as I’ve started to catch wind of the events that happened at the University of Louisville with the basketball program, I can’t help but to laugh at how many in the media world seem to be shocked and still a bit outraged that this activity is going on. But my mind has to say are you serious? Like have we not heard for decades about how these institutions do this for their recruits and players alike. There have been parties like this for as long as there has been recruiting in collegiate athletics.

Football players, basketball players and their family and friends have been treated to red carpet, all out love affairs because those sports are the major revenue drivers for most of these Colleges and Universities. You see what you have now is just that technology has made it such that all of these “secret” parties are now recorded and become public knowledge. So I guess you can say that is one of the drawbacks of having instant communication with the click of a button at your disposal.

I am amazed though, to see how many in the “Journalism” world seem to think that this “scandal” is somehow going to sink Rick Pitino at Louisville. If academic scandals and lack of institutional control sentences haven’t killed other big time college coaches at marquee programs, this surely will not doom Pitino. I think that there is such a knee jerk reaction because you hear the words “paid” escorts and those things that suggest impermissible benefits were extended to these recruits and student athletes while enrolled or visiting Louisville.

And then most say how could the coach not know that these parties were taking place. I would say it’s very easy. If he’s concerned with how he’s going to coach his team to a title and who the next big recruit they need to target is, making sure that all of his players and assistants are doing the right things at all times can be forgotten. The duty can be delegated to another coach on the staff and should be done. But, I’m not naïve enough to think that Rick didn’t have any idea at all. He’s the head man so I’m sure he knew something, now just how much remains to be seen.

And before I wrap this post, I would be remiss if I didn’t say why the hell is it every time a scandal breaks the person or persons who have the info get broadcast all over the television like they’re just the heroes or saints. When damnit if it wasn’t for them being complicit in the whole damn thing maybe we never know about this shit. Stop glorifying the person who keeps everything and then squeals. I’m sick of it.

What are your thoughts?

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When Love Doesn’t Seem To Be Enough

In my time away I’ve had the chance to romantically grow and develop into a much better person that I was a year ago. I’ve learned how to adjust to challenging conflicts and different personality types. I’ve learned how to let all the personality I have overflow from my workday into my relationship. All these things I try to do in order to improve the areas I think I regressed in over the years due to all the pain, hurt and strife I experienced in relationships with other Black men.

I’m trying to allow myself to not be the true Alpha Male that really sits inside my body. I try to ease myself back a bit and give the kinder, gentler side of me. I’m trying not to speak out as much as I normally do and attempt to understand the perspective of someone else with all my might. But, that still doesn’t seem to be enough. It seems that showing the love that I am still isn’t enough. It seems that I can never seem to quite get it right. There seems to be this disconnect no matter what alterations I make to how I handle my lover.

Have you ever been in that position where you know that all the hard work that you’re putting in really doesn’t mean much because the person is defeated within themselves, which means that your efforts are defeated until he comes around to getting out of his own way. Why do so many men claim to want that well-rounded man. That man that makes them question themselves at times because he presents that which they’ve always wanted and are never seemingly ready to handle.

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Love you hard or love you from afar it never seems to be right or enough. Maybe it really is me. That becomes the narrative that I have to pitch to myself. Yes I know that if I talked to any of those close to me about it, they would say that I’m crazy and it’s not really about me; that in reality it still is about the other person because they have to address their own issues and wrestle with their demons.

While that assessment may be true, I think that when you are continuously told that you are too good, or you are exactly what someone wants but they’re not ready for it, you just have to wonder if maybe you are ahead of your time, or if you need to be more selective with who you talk to because the liberalness with which you are selecting isn’t working anymore.

I’m still trying to find the answers to this quagmire and who knows if I will figure it out sooner or later, but the one thing that I do know is that I’m at the point that I’m tired of loving and feeling empty at times on the inside. That to me should never happen when you’re truly loving someone and they love you back.

What do you think?

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The Trump Bubble

So as anyone knows I am one the biggest Presidential politics junkies out there. I love getting caught up in the process and watching the process as both parties fight it out to arrive at their nominee for President. That being said, I think this is the first time I can remember that the media is practically picking the nominee from both parties. Yes, I know in the past the coverage of candidates that television media favored helped to shape the nominating process, but tell me when have you seen it be this obvious and apparent.

Donald Trump is the prime example. If he wasn’t a guy who has been all over national t.v. for the past twenty years or so, the ignorant and bombastic shit that he’s said out of his mouth would have had him completely out of the race for President by now. But because he is a Reality TV star and a fairly successful businessman, the American right seems to have fallen in-love with the idea of having a blowhort like Trump represent their party.

See how you know that many of their voters are a bit off their rocker, is this is the same man who said that President Obama was not an American citizen; he is the same man who said that we should deport ALL illegal immigrants; the same man who said that a woman should not have the right to choose what to do with her body. Let’s also not forget that he is the same guy who thinks that just because he’s done some business deals, he is equipped to go toe to toe with foreign leaders who don’t like America and hate everything we stand for. And I promise that has nothing to do with having a Black man as the President of this country.

I’ve never been a real supporter of Trump. And the only time I can remember supporting anything that he’s done is when he was on WWE feuding with Vince McMahon. LOL, I know that’s funny as hell but it’s really true. I think that he is nothing more than a cartoon character. If we thought that having President 43 was torture, if by any sheer chance Trump is the Republican nominee and gets elected, he will be the biggest puppet President in American history.

I really wish the American electorate would wake up and realize that Donald Trump is not really the man you want running this country. But the media loves him because it means ratings galore, because of the asinine things that he says. I also have to temper myself slightly because, I do remember when Sarah Palin and Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich and Michelle Bachmann were all front runners for the Republican nod in previous elections before selecting a more respectable candidate. This shit is going to interesting, sad and funny all at the same time. Have fun Republicans. Poor Jeb and John, who are the two candidates who would probably scare the shit out of Democrats.

Gotta love political season right…

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Should the Whistle blower be Punished

Please understand that I don’t care who agrees or disagrees with my opinion, it is just that.. My opinion and matter how controversial I will still give it.

I was watching Outside The Lines this morning and they were profiling former Rutgers Basketball coach Mike Rice. If you don’t know, google his name and you will see the videos that surfaced when he was coach at Rutgers. He verbally, mentally and physically abused his players. He used insensitive gay slurs and it was extremely disturbing.

But one part that really blew my mind is when they did the interview with the “Whistle blower” talked about how disturbing it was and how distraught the players were. To the point of seeing Psychologists and contemplating suicide because of the coaches harsh treatment.

Now while I don’t doubt that he was completely overbearing, in fact I’ve watched the videos and it pissed me off. Partially because I’m a gay man who hates the use of the word Faggot and also because I despise seeing those in positions of authority bully and belittle those they have the control over.

But let me be expressly clear, this “Whistle blower” is a bitch. I want him to face penalty just the same, because you were there to witness this action every day. You were the recorder of this footage and you chose to wait to make it public why? I guess you were benefiting from having you job as an assistant, right?

How much participation did you have, and caused you to finally come forward? Let me be honest, once the first instance was displayed I would have come forward, once the first kid voiced those troubling and heart breaking feelings, I would have been on the first tv show, in the Athletic Directors office with the proof, screaming to any and every one to get them to see this bull shit.

But this man didn’t do that. And once he finally did, he wants to portray himself in line with the victimized college students in this matter. I’m sorry if I seem pessimistic about this whole situation, but I feel that all of them need to be banned. Why do I want to now do an interview with a man who continually allowed this to happen, knowing the reactions of these athletes.

My opinion is blow the whole damn thing up and stop using these Whistle Blowers and heroes. If they participated in such allows long term, and allowed them to happen until their “moral compass” caught up, I say tell them thank you for your information now go away or else you will be prosecuted with the rest because after all, unless you were the mail guy or janitor that stumbled upon a conversation and told what you knew, you were and are complicit in matter.

I’m done now, I’ll let this sit here and let it marinate.