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Talkin to Black People

As the Political landscape on the Democratic Party shifts in this Presidential cycle to the South, and more specific, higher concentration of Black voters, you hear all the Media pundits and broadcast journalists talk about how much Clinton and Sanders are pandering to the needs of the community. Trying to make their case at being the best champion for the causes of Black people. It’s amazing to me to hear Hillary Clinton and her surrogates talk about her like she’s been the bastion of hope for Black Americans.

Again, I’m not saying she wouldn’t do a good job, but lets not forget that it was her husband, and also her to a large degree with her support, that put into place these sorry ass laws that disproportionally target the Black community in the war on drugs. How many young black men are in jail for minor drug charges, while so many White American are running around laughing at the justice system.

I’m not saying that Bernie Sanders has all the answers, but he is a man who has been abdicating for reform of the prison system, along with President Obama, before Secretary Clinton got on the band wagon. I heard John Lewis and other prominent leaders in Congress of the Black Community talk about how dedicated and fervent a partner Hillary and Bill Clinton have been to the community. While I do agree that they’ve done many good works for the community, I can’t forget the drug policies and the Defense of Marriage Act signed by Bill during his time as president.

I want America to hear me well, this courting of the Black vote is only because they’re about to hit the states that Black folks live in the most and have a say so in the electoral process. It has been funny watching Hillary Clinton pander to the record of President Obama; while I’ve also enjoyed Bernie Sanders try to cling to Obama and also speak to the young people who feel outrage at the current political structure.

We must realize though, that we marginalize our impact every election cycle, because we don’t truly leverage our power enough by voting. We don’t seem to be engaged truly in the process and therefore, Republicans dismiss our vote and some Democrats just put it in the automatic column when they run, because that’s who we typically vote for a vast majority of the time.

I’m a liberal Democrat and I don’t believe that the current Republican party has a damn to offer me as a Black man. They’re policies are antiquated and out dated. They are still wanting the rich to benefit more than the Middle Class. They don’t want gays to have equal rights and they still want to suppress the Black vote if possible.

We must put pressure on the Democratic Party to push for our needs. To use our power to get the Black agenda forwarded. We, just like the Latino community and the Gay community have the numbers to affect change. But, we just don’t use it enough to let the world know just how serous we are. Damn it’s time we show the world just how much of a player we are in this process.

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I Forgive You ..Is for You

One of the things that I’ve had to learn over the years is that to forgive in order to be free. For a very long time it was really hard for me to forgive someone who had hurt me. It was difficult to let go the pain a former lover caused me. And it wasn’t until the last couple of years that I realized that when you forgive someone, it’s actually not for them to feel better. In truth, it’s so that you can take back control of your life an feel at peace with things ending.

Pain in inevitable, hurt is a part of life and happiness is what we all strive for. Relationships, both sexual and plutonic, will challenge who you are as a person. They will make you think, they will make you change and ultimately, they will make you better. The only down fall is that sometimes those exact relationships will also rock you to your very core. It is no secret that many people have done many things resulting from tumultuous relationships with people.

One of the primary reasons, in my mind, that we as a people are so fucked up with how we treat one another is because we perpetuate hurt. We don’t know how to get the proper therapy needed to recover. We don’t want to forgive those who hurt us, so we stay in this dark place of pain and anger. Eventually, over time, it causes us to have poisonous relationships with every one we come in contact with. That’s why folks who get divorced are so bitter and cantankerous towards each other.

People who’ve been in long term relationships and they end, you find one or both persons are scorned and bitter. They take that frustration and anger out on the next lover or multiple lovers. They don’t know how to accept true love when it comes knocking, because they’ve been burned by the fake shit for so long. I understand how it works because I’ve been there before.

Whether it was a lover, or family, or friends I know what that feeling is like to be jilted by someone you thought truly care about you. I know how hard it can be to forgive and let go. To move on and not let it engulf who you are as a person. It’s hard not to get a black heart and become cold-hearted towards people because of the nasty shit that people do. But you have to remember that as long as you hold on to that pain, hurt, distress and anger, whomever caused you those feelings are the ones in control of you not yourself.

The remedy for this is simple, but extremely complicated to do. You must learn to forgive. Forgive the person for treating you wrong, but most importantly forgive yourself because you are allowed to let your guard down. I understand how hard that be to do. To forgive someone who broke your heart, let you down, caused you harm. But the truth of the matter is if you don’t your life will be marred by disappointment, heart break and failure.

It is not until you learn how to forgive those who have wrong you and to forgive yourself for allowing the wrong to happen, that you begin to regain control of your life. People always wonder how those who get knocked down get back up, because they have control. They may temporarily lose it, but it never is gone permanently. So the next time something happens to you and don’t know what to do, I’ve got a couple things to try.

One, wallow for a moment, because you’re allowed to do so. Then get up, brush yourself off, gather your thoughts, make a plan and go about forgiving that person or persons who wrong you. Once you’ve done all that, forgive yourself. And move on; because life won’t stop and the world won’t be waiting to lift you up. Just be strong, hold on, and know that you’ve got the power to make it through.

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle, real talk, Sex

The Ties that Bind

I came across this article on my google stories, written by a former Spelman College student that addresses one of the more unfortunate, but true dynamics across America and also on the campuses of HBCU’s and that’s sexual assault. She skirted around talking about the assaults that happened against the LGBTQ community and squarely focused on the assaults happening against the women Spelman College, by their Morehouse brethren.

This is a truly hard hitting topic because as anyone who knows me knows, I’m a proud Morehouse Man. I give a lot of credit for my development and my style to walking the halls at 830 Westview Drive. While this is not the first story to talk about the issue, I think it is one of the more intriguing because it has very vivid details of accounts of multiple women of Spelman. They span different decades and have stories that are very chilling to the ear.

Before I get deeper into the story and the issues I have with it, especially the title of the story, let me first say that I in no way condone the things mentioned in this article and I certainly am not an advocate for violence of any kind and I’m not an apologist for my fellow Morehouse brothers. Now the article is called “Our Hands Are Tied Because Of This Damn Brother-Sisterhood Thing.” Anita Badejo wrote a very well written article with great facts and details about the issues with sexual misconduct on both campuses by some students at Morehouse College.

She very honestly speaks to the dynamic of insulation and protectionism going on by the Administration at Morehouse and even to some extent at Spelman College. She speaks about how the Title IX offices at both schools were under staffed and not adequately prepared to address the Federal laws and statutes. She speaks at great length about how many student from Spelman reported the incidents to their campus police and had to go to Morehouse Police because the incident happened on the Morehouse property.

She speaks of the poor arbitration process Morehouse use to have, with a investigator who was based out of Massachusetts and not really being thorough enough with one of the reports filed. She talked of students who were coerced to submit statements indicating they wanted an internal investigation and not one performed by local Atlanta PD law enforcement. She talked of the flawed Morehouse Judicial Review panel and how some of the students felt as though they were the ones responsible for the violating acts.

She talks about how some students never came forward and also how one student had another occurrence and refused to come forward because she felt like since her first report went with no real punishment to the student who assaulted her, then why should she file another report. She also argues that part of the problem in HBCU’s across the country, and specifically between Morehouse and Spelman is because so much time and energy is spent by both school to emphasize togetherness and support for each other.

She points out how often Men of Morehouse are pumped and primed to believe that they are the elite and should always be protected as such. She speaks to tension that exists between the schools for the female student to support their male brothers and not “tarnish” the reputation of Morehouse. All of these points are very valid and I don’t take much exception to any of this. There have been many things that the shield of Morehouse has been able to protect the school from, and this controversy is not an exception.

Now, given all the credit I’ve given to this article, let me also go back and address a couple things she said that I don’t particularly care for. You know what I find interesting is that her opening sentence mentions the elite historically black women’s college of Spelman, but you don’t offer the same homage to Morehouse. I understand she’s writing from her point of view but damn like are you that jaded?

I freely admit that some Men of Morehouse are too egotistical but I absolutely feel that a majority of the women of Spelman are very self-centered and because mommy or daddy have money they feel they are entitled. There is also this feeling that because they are who they are, they’re immune to basic etiquette. They wear some very provocative and revealing clothing to class and around the AU Center.

I think we sometimes need to have the conversation as to whether or not all of these issues are just Morehouse issues or whether Spelman needs to a better job bringing some of their rhetoric down as well. I think we really need to have the discussion openly and honestly about what the boundaries are and how we should address the issues in between the HBCU schools that are suppose to be two of the crown jewels.

Maybe they also need to think before they just go to their “friends” house or room that goes to Morehouse. Maybe instead of always going to their dorm room, they should meet outside and sit and talk. Maybe there needs to be some accountability and thought to what they’re doing. From every one of the accounts in the article there was nothing so pressing about the need to see their friends that they had to go into their room and lay on their bed.

Again, I’m not saying that because you lay in the bed with your friend, that they should violate you, but you also have to know that people will have other motives besides what you may necessarily think they might. I’m a little taken aback that while Anita was dishing her truth she didn’t take her own fellow Spelmanites to task for not using a little better judgment. Any time I’ve needed to talk to friends or they needed to talk to me, they didn’t come in my place and get in my bed to talk. We sat in the living room and talked or we went out and talked outside somewhere.

Yes, I think that everyone needs to think about what could have been done differently in these types of situations to truly evaluate if they’re complicit in what happened. Sorry, I don’t really give a damn if anyone doesn’t like what I said because I feel like in some ways it’s very true. Let’s be real about the whole deal. The only folks who really know what goes on is the folks who were involved in the situation. The accounts from the article indicate that a couple of the guys did disregard No responses to their advances. But, also how many of them just didn’t say anything?

If you want to have the dialog that’s truly put it all on the table. It’s the only way to effectively handle this situation. If you want to know more take a read of the article and I’m happy to discuss any opinions that are felt.

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Leave Him Alone

I’ve heard many folks talking today and seen many Sports Columnists talking about Cam Newton’s post game behavior. They’ve talked about how unprofessional and selfish he was. They’ve talked about him sulking and not being very “graceful” in defeat. I have one major question though: When Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are sulking and groping after one of their playoff losses, do we call them poor sports? Do we say their unprofessional? The quick answer is no. We call them passionate about winning. We call them perfectionists who want to always win.

But a 26 year old Quarterback, making his first appearance in the biggest game in his sport, and his team just laid the biggest egg, short of that Atlanta Falcons game, of the season. He played poorly and so did his teammates. My response to all of you bitches is give this kid some damn slack. Fuck, how many of you at 26 were doing EVERYTHING the RIGHT way? I dare you to be honest with yourself. How many times have you thought you were going to get the promotion, only for it to go to someone else, and you sulked? Did someone tell you that you were being unprofessional? Or did they tell you they understood because you thought you earned it?

I get it, the White establishment in Football and in the Media world, want Cam to be this buttoned up guy who is always gracious in winning and in defeat. But have we not learned anything from Cam? He doesn’t play by the rules. He isn’t the Corporate persona on the football, nor off it really. He is still a very eccentric type guy whose passion shows through all the time. If Brady bitches at the media and his coaches, the Establishment call it leadership and accountability. But if Cam doesn’t smile after the biggest loss of his career, somehow, you people think he should be vilified.

As the saying goes, and this will forever be true, the black athlete must preform 10 times greater than his while counterpart and must behave 50 times better. I get it that this is business and sometimes you can’t always let your emotions show. But, the counter to that is the same thing that got Cam to this point is the same thing he’s going to do when he loses.

Give the man a chance to grow up and mature in some of his actions and behaviors. I think that there is no doubt that if Cam and company keep up the work they’re doing now, they will have another opportunity to win a Championship. I wish every one would just breathe a little bit and let Cam continue to just be Cam.

Leave a comment Posted on lifestyle, love, real talk, Uncategorized

Love is the Loser

You know as I’ve thought about my experiences and talks I’ve had with many a folks over the years, I have to say that people don’t seem to really understand why love always loses to lust. I’m gone take just a little time to break it down and help some understand why this concept is very true.

If you’ve ever been in love before or loved someone else with a passion, you know that if it didn’t work out the pain you went through was awful. The depression you felt may have been long lasting. The emotional scars you encountered were severe. Even, the physical torment may have had a lasting effect. Whether you caused the breakup or made the breakup happen, you know that love has an effect that takes time to recover from, but also takes a lot of energy to maintain.

Think about someone that you’ve been in love with before. How much effort did you put into loving them? What did you do to make sure that that person was happy and knew that you cared with all your might. The sacrifices that you made in order to keep your home happy but also to make sure that you both could grow together and coexist. Love makes you take a hard look at yourself and realize that while you might have a lot going for yourself, you can always improve, and you just might not be as good as you think you are.

Love makes you question some of things that you’ve always done because it doesn’t prove to be effective. Or, it makes you double down on what you do because you know that it works, but the person that you’re with just might not appreciate what you’re bringing to the table. Love makes you vulnerable and can expose your weaknesses and insecurities. Love makes you want to overextend yourself to make that special someone happy.

Lust disregards all of the previous things that I just said. Lust lets you enjoy the pleasures of the flesh without thinking about the consequences of your actions mostly. It allows you to go all out to get what you want and once you got it, you can either keep going back to the well or you can move on to a new quest to conquer because you’re not concerned with feelings, just the feeling of the ass or dick, pussy or mouth that’s gone give you that nut.

Lust is part of what attracts you to a person that can lead you to loving them. Lust lets you want to have the sexual encounters and play with a persons emotions because you just want to be satisfied. Lust says that you don’t need to care about what someone thinks about you or how someone will feel about you. Lust lets you put your conscious thoughts aside and really let your natural instincts and hormones take control.

See if you read this you see that lust is a lot shorter than love, because it takes so much less to make it happen. That’s why I always say that love is the most underrated thing in the world and it’s the most underappreciated feeling there is. Because to love someone is to sacrifice yourself for the greater whole and when you don’t know how that really works you find yourself mired in an endless circle of pain, hurt and fuckery. That’s why love always loses to lust in the short run, but in the long run, if you really know what it means to love someone, love will find it’s way to conquer.

Leave a comment Posted on Politics, real talk

The Media is Still In Control

I’ve been watching the latest coverage of the Presidential political cycle and I’m continuing to see what I’ve been saying for months now.. The Media is picking our candidates for us, instead of the people. If you watch the media’s coverage of this election process, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, primarily, has been skewed to where the ratings are and not where the true folks are really running. The real truth is if you shut up and stop talking about the ignorance of Trump and you really let Bernie Sanders and his abilities stand out, you will see that the other candidates are legit.

From MSNBC to FOXNEWS to CNN and all the major television networks they cover only Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Hillary Clinton. Bernice Sanders had to force his way into the mix because he had a message that Americans resonated with and made the media elites add him in their coverage. Jeb Bush was the early inevitable candidate so he got tons of coverage and when Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina had their heat they were receiving coverage. Now that they’ve cooled you can barely see them on the t.v. screen.

All the talk ahead of the Republican debate is on if Trump will decide to show up. Every show leads with coverage about Trump. Maybe if you have a major television show and you have enough ego, then you can run for President and say the most foolish things and win because you must be telling the truth because you speak with great bass and you don’t worry about the political correctness of what you say. Are we sure that’s the message and image that we want to portray about our election cycle. I think leaders around the world have to be laughing at this process. Donald Trump hasn’t put forth one tangible policy or initiative that he will govern by or from.

Hillary Clinton has only become one of the largest liars and flip floppers in American History. Was she a good Sec of State? Yes she was. Did she do a good job as the Junior Senator from New York? Yes she did. Is she the person I want to lead the country, I don’t know. Maybe she is better than Bernie on working with the other side. Maybe she has the foreign policy experience that is needed to be President, oops, never mind I forgot Barack Obama. But all the coverage is about whether or not she is doing the right things and whether or not the DNC should change the debate rules so she can show off her skills and pull away from Bernie Sanders.

I’m truly disgusted by the way the Media has taken the reigns of the Presidential nominating process and made it their personal toy. They are choosing what we talk about, who we talk about and which candidate is going to come out on top. Maybe the media is more powerful than ever and they try to say that they are the weakest. I really hope that for our sakes the other candidates really get a chance to shine and we have an election process that is robust. I’m tired of Trump and his arrogance and I’m annoyed with Hillary and her revelations of personality and independence. Please give me fresh and different, lord these old gizzers are wearing me out. Oh and so is the media.

3 Comments Posted on dating, lifestyle, real talk, Sex

Is Daytime Really the Best?

There have been some studies out that suggest that daytime sex is the best time to have sex. Now I will give my thoughts on the different times of day that sex is usually had and will give my opinion on which I think is better and maybe some of you will either talk amongst your friends, or lover or whomever and have a good time with this topic.

So, let’s start with night time sex. I consider this time frame to be generally between 6p.m and 10p.m. I think that this time of night is one of the hardest and also less pleasing times to have sex during the day. If you ask me, most people are trying to get home from work or school, unwind from their day, figure out what to eat for dinner, catch up to friends and family and do any workouts, if you have any, for the day. This is the time that if you’re lucky enough to have sex during the week, I think, is more or less a stress reliever.

Also, lets be forreal, if you’re married and you got kids, how likely are you to really get any dick or ass at that time of night anyway? And that answer is not often. So I think that the truth of the matter is that time of night is not the best time to really get it in, LOL. I freely think that it’s a nice time to enjoy some sex but unless you’re single and/or a hoe, you not really looking for that time to be the right time. HA!

Now the three most common times that folks have sex is in the morning, the afternoon, and late night. Now we know what those time frames are generally speaking. Early morning you know 6a.m. until about 11a.m. and afternoon times usually about noon until maybe 3p.m. and late night, HAHA.. creeping hours baby midnight until about 4a.m. My thoughts are that early morning sex is like the best ever!! Why not wake up to amazing sex to start your day. Why not have an awesome orgasm to help your day get off to a wonderful start.

Now that midday time, I will freely admit is like sheesh a wonderful treat to have sex. HA! I completely agree that this time of the day is a really good time of day to have sex because one, fewer neighbors are home so you can be a little bit louder than what you normally would at home. I also think that the midday sex break can be a great way to help get through the work day and even if you have the day off, why have a little spontaneous early afternoon nookie to make the both of you feel better. I’m really torn between whether or not early morning sex or early afternoon sex is better.

The late night rendezvous, now this is the kind of sex that’s usually the quickest and dirtiest, but it can sometimes be very gratifying. I think that people who are parents and the young kids who gotta sneak around or the free and easy sex feigns like getting it in late at night. It’s the time that you can generally find more options because its not a very popular time that people are working. It is generally a time when folks are looking to get into something and have all the thoughts to make something happen. Ha, I think it’s really fun to have a late night sex act cuz you can go to sleep with a smile on your face, hopefully.

So folks tell me what you think, do you prefer that early morning sex, some midday good good, the evening time relaxing loving or the late night freak neak? Have the conversation, be forreal and if you got the guts drop a line on this blog and I promise I’ll respond.

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Is The Hate that Bad

So, I saw a tweet Stephen A Smith posted a couple days ago regarding fans of the Dallas Cowboys. To paraphrase Mr. Smith, he basically said that fans of Americas team are delusional and don’t have a real sense of reality when it comes to Professional Football because we support a team that is struggling to break through. Because we believe in the Quarterback who has had more success in Dallas than other QB since Aikman retired in 2000. And I know that’s not saying a whole lot, but the truth also is there are only about six QB’s in the league I’d take over Romo.

I understand that Smith is paid to be belligerent and have an opinion, but damn are you that much of a hater that you really have to call Cowboys fan ignorant, for lack of a better word? I know that since you’re a born and bread New Yorker that you are naturally predisposed to “hate” the Dallas Cowboys, but your line of commentary at times is a bit over the damn top. Maybe I’ll complain about your constant slurping of Aaron Rodgers nut sack. Or maybe how much he is in love with LeBron James. It’s kind of pathetic that Mr. Smith’s antics are pretty pedestrian and predictable. He laments how much he despises Jerry Jones and the Cowboys all the time.

He eats up Aaron Rodgers like he’s won three championships and been the best thing ever invented at the QB position. He treats LeBron James like he is the King of all King’s every time he talks about him. I think maybe we should question Stephen A and just how much he can be unbiased in his opinions when “his guys” are playing. He is staunch in his opposition to weed smoking because it’s banned in Professional Sports, but he seems to be ok with allowing a woman beater, Greg Hardy, to return and play in the league.

I mean listen, I think that every one deserves a second chance, but just don’t think that just because you said so, or because you defended the person, that it must be so. I happen to like Stephen A Smith, because a lot of times he does have a very insightful opinion on some of today’s modern topics in Sports, but when I see some of things he’s said about Hardy and the Cowboys nation. Sorry Stephen, just because your Giants have fallen on hard times, the Yankees can’t win a title without buying all of baseball and the Knicks… well, they’re the Knicks.. that doesn’t mean you should just release all your anger on folks that have nothing against you.

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Ignorance Ain’t Always Bliss

 

In my last blog I talked about the debate about the Academy Awards and the fight within some of the elite of Black Hollywood over whether to boycott the Awards show or not. One of the most recent voices to speak is Stacey Dash decided to open her mouth and say that we don’t need anything for Black people, we should just assimilate to the White established awards and push for our people to be included. I want to ask Stacey: How has that worked the over the past 50 years or so?

I was listening to V-103 this morning and Ryan Cameron said it best, “If we don’t what our history is, how the statements that we do?” Ms. Dash, do you know Black history? We need to stop saying that we don’t need organizations, television stations, awards shows and other things for our people. We do need these things because the White society that controls the mainstream awards and programs aren’t very reticent to invite us in. This is what I mean by Black people getting a lil bit too much of the White man’s money and forgetting that we needed these platforms.

I guess she forgot that when she was having guest roles on BET’s The Game and collecting checks from the network. Or maybe, she just wants to ignore the network since she’s had roles on major motion picture studios. I much rather we use this moment to come together and show the American public that we can put on a show just as good as the Academy Awards. Let’s not forget we have the Image Awards and the NAACP Awards to recognize our people for their outstanding performances.

Maybe we could spend some time promoting these types of shows and using the talent and time of our folks in Hollywood to make these Awards rival the Oscars and Golden Globe Awards. I guess if all of these founders of HBCU’s had followed Stacey Dash’s opinion we wouldn’t have Morehouse College and Spelman College. There would be no Hampton or Howard University. We wouldn’t have had Morris Brown College or FAMU, Bethune Cookman or Southern University. There may have never been a coach Eddie Robinson at Grambling State University. The Aggies of North Carolina A & T wouldn’t be here and there would be no Honda Battle of the Bands here in Atlanta at the Dome.

I’m sorry Ms. Dash this is one time where your thoughts may have been well intended, but the reality is BET, TV One, and all the Black owned and operated businesses and educational institutions are needed and damn it I’m proud to support them and to have attended one of the finest institutions in America.. Morehouse College.

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The White Debate

So the Academy Awards nominations came out and now for the second year in a row there aren’t any Black Actors or Actresses nominated and the outrage has begun. Not like the normal window dressing though this time. Now we have A List Hollywood celebs who have decided to Boycott this event and the shows host, Chris Rock, has been extremely critical of the folks who nominate the nominees yearly. That protest has led to a couple of personal battles that have erupted beneath the surface that makes all this very interesting, but it also calls attention to one of the fundamental problems with the Black Community.

As Spike Lee and Jada Pinkett-Smith make public their intent to skip the awards show, the later doing so in a very social media plea to Black America to unite together to force change. Meanwhile, Janet Hubert, the former Aunt Vivian on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, came out and delivered a scathing rebuke of Jada and Will, who hadn’t said anything yet. She indicated that their disgust of the snub by the Academy was nothing and that there were more important prejudicial issues going on in society that really needed public rallying.

She indicated that Will declined to use his power as star of their hit t.v. show to negotiate raises for all those involved with the show, mind you this was a 20 something year old actor who was now in unfamiliar territory. This was a kid who knew nothing about that type of power and was a young kid trying to grow up. She also mentioned that the Smith’s could have used their money and production company to further more Black careers, than just using their company to produce themselves, their friends and family members.

She raped Will and Jada over the coals and made it seem as though she was still very bitter because Will didn’t take up arms with her more than 20 years ago. While I don’t disagree with her base principle, I do think that maybe it could have been done a little better as to not be as messy and distracting from a truly valid point.. Hollywood is still really white.

Why is that one, it takes for us to have these type of events before we come together as a people to revolt against the machine? Two, why is it that once we do try to take a stand, rather than band together and form the most powerful army we can, we instead beat each other up and then bitch about shit from 20 years ago. I’m sorry Janet, get yo tight draws out your ass and shut the fuck up. I’m sorry bicker when the shit is done, but right now damn it, it’s time to band together. But that’s where White people have us beat, we can’t stop fighting each other to get what we want. They know how to turn us against each other without even trying.