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The Red Ribbon Won’t Define You

I hope this topic reaches some you very well. I know that it can be a very challenging thing to talk about, but as a people we gotta confront the fact that this disease is still very prevalent and in the Black, Gay, Male community it’s still vastly out of control. HIV is something that has been around now for more than 30 years. And while there has been amazing advancement on treatment and possible cures, the facts still remain that far too many people are getting diagnosed with this illness and far too many are dying still from it.

Truth be told, we know that the medicine isn’t cheap, although there are programs that help with paying for the cost of your medicine. We know that the care for someone with the virus can be expensive. But it is also very meticulous. We must learn that in order to stamp out this virus we must do a few things: one, be cognizant of who we’re sleeping with; two, we must be comfortable with having the conversation before we lay down in bed; three, we must protect ourselves until we’ve gotten a clean bill of health together from the clinic; four, we must be ok with saying no.

I understand that it’s very easy to give in to our hormones and want to fuck some tight ass or pussy. I understand that our urges for good dick may make us a little quick to slide in the bed with someone who looks good and is packing a big wood, but maybe we need to think about the consequences of that action more before we just open us and say yes. We have to realize that we are only making life harder for us as a people when we neglect to ask the questions and when we fail to tell our sex partner, lover, or spouse that we are living with this illness.

Trust me from having folks close to me who deal with this stigma daily, I understand that it’s not always easy to admit your truth and walk in your own light, but that’s when you have to realize that the red ribbon doesn’t define who you are. I think that part of the problem is that so many folks walk around today with the thought that somehow if people know that you live with this virus, it makes you less than the person who doesn’t.

There have been some amazing people who lived with this virus and who are still living with the virus that aren’t letting the past and current stigma’s keep them having a successful life. They aren’t allowing the ribbon to dictate what they do, rather they’re letting the ribbon simply act as a compliment to their lives. You see I think that the person who embraces their illness and makes it their mission to live healthy and take care of themselves can be a role model to the world, not just those like them affected by the illness.

The red ribbon doesn’t mean that you can’t live life and enjoy it. It doesn’t mean that can’t have sex any way that you want. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have a family and be a role model to anyone who needs one. The ribbon just means you have even more character and experience. The ribbon means that you can speak to something that others can’t. Having the ribbon means that you have a chance to show the world what grace and style is.

The ribbon should not in any way define your life. You still are always in control of it. You still, ultimately, determine how long you remain on this planet after the ribbon is attached to you. If you want a long prosperous life, then act like it and live in spite of the ribbon. Millions have died and millions continue to be diagnosed, but millions also continue to live and thrive. So to close this out I ask you to do the same things that I talked about earlier in this post. One, ask the questions; two, get tested together; three, protect yourself and four, be ok with saying no.

I would love to talk to you and hear what you think.

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I Promise….

Ladies and Gentlemen, this blog is one that I truly hope you read and think about with much haste. While many of you like to believe that this life owes you something because you’ve been through hardships at some point in time of your life, I want to submit to you that the only thing life offers is a promise to give you a chance. Whether you are born with a silver spoon or a wooden one or plastic, LOL, the only thing it promises is to give you a challenge.

Please realize that while you see the opportunities of others and you like to feel that you are promised that same chance, the truth is you’re not. I know that’s a very straight forward statement but it’s very true. I often sit and talk to folks that like to say: “Oh I know this is coming my way because life owes me one.” Sorry to tell you but doesn’t owe you shit. You were born and during the course of your life you are given chances to make your impact felt. That is what your promise is all about.

Damn these people who sit around and wait for things to happen because you feel that the law of averages will apply to everything. And the truth is that’s a lie. The law of averages only applies with things that are extremely one sided. Life by design gives each of us a different path and calling. It just might be that you are designed to have a hard life as a means to help folks who come into the world after you to handle the uncertainty and hardness of life.

We need a balance in life. We have people who will be rich billionaires and those who will be the common man left to make a mark the best way you can. But let me tell you one thing about the promise of life, whether you are rich or not, whether you’re known to the world or a few hundred people, how you interact with them will determine you impact and legacy left from the promise.

I really hope people who think they’re entitled wake up and realize you’re not. I hope those who feel that they’re doomed wake up and realize you’re not. I hope anyone who thinks that life is anything but a promise of waking up and dying, will wake up and understand that in the end those are the things you are guaranteed. The promise to be born, the promise to have an opportunity, the promise to face challenges, and the promise to die.

What you do with your life and what you allow your legacy to be, are all determined by how much you take advantage of your promise.

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Write Your Own Novel

You know it’s one of my few founding principles in my life, and that’s to always tell your own story. I don’t think people realize how much power you lose when you allow someone else to tell your own story, when you’re still in the land of the living. I understand that we’re not always going to be comfortable telling people what we did, how we did it, or even why we chose to do it when we did. But, the one thing that I do know is that when we’re able to tell our own truth, you keep someone else from being able to write your narrative.

Power is held in the tongue. Whether you want to believe it or not, the person who is able to tell their story the best. The one who can convince others that they are the best choice and that their experiences makes them the most qualified, are the ones who get most of the opportunities. I know that everyone doesn’t agree with that principle but I dare you to put it to the test. There are people right now sitting at desks in offices and working in factories that should be running the factory or managing a staff, but because they haven’t seized the opportunity to tell their own story they can’t get to where they feel they should go.

Identically to that, when you go about your private affairs daily and you let other people out in the streets tell your story for you, you run the risk of being distorted and compromised. You run the risk of someone trying to smear your name, or give you too much credit for things when you don’t deserve it. See, the ability to control the narrative about yourself is one of the few things that you can control. And yes, while you cannot control the things people say about you out their mouth, you can control what history writes about you, by how you respond and how you tell your truth.

The biggest point here is to tell your own truth. Don’t let someone hold anything over your head. Because when you allow for someone else to dictate your direction and your outcome you have then given power to someone else. I never understand why someone will sit back and allow someone else to use their lips and mouth to tell what is an incorrect story. Yes, I do understand the theory that sometimes in order to combat a lie you have to remain still and let the lie fail, but you can’t always let your life be determined by silence.

Greatness befall those who step out on the limb. Those who allow their true story to be heard and aren’t afraid of a little heat or a few questions. I always wonder what’s in the brain of someone that just allows them to let their reputation be determined by someone else? Can anyone help me out with that?

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The Rise and Fall of Atlanta

I was listening to a local radio station earlier this week and they were discussing how much Atlanta has changed over the past decade. They talked about how so many young, black men were being killed in the streets by other Black men. They talked about the increased crime rate. They talked about how that Southern Hospitality trait had disappeared and more harder cord has been struck amongst the people of the A.

As I listened to this conversation, I had to think about my time spent in this city. For the better of a decade I’ve lived in Atlanta. Coming for college, leaving and returning for another spell. I can remember when I got here back in 2002 and the people were truly amazing. While I had some interesting run ins with Panhandlers, I was very surprised and excited to see so many people with a very helpful spirit. This type of behavior was the norm not the exception.

Despite going to the one of the most well known schools in America, we still had our dangers just outside the walls. Because as we all know, every single HBCU in America is based somewhere in or near the hood. And my school was no exception to this rule. So while I enjoyed the people when I was away from school, I easily caught a glimpse of what could be looking right outside the walls and confines of my school.

With all the fuss about the parties and late night activities in the city, there was also a robust amount of normal things to do. Sports team galore, entertainment always in and around the city. Trips to take and so many different people to meet. This city was booming and the little known secret was Hollywood was on it’s way. Already boasting numerous Spike Lee films, Drumline was shot here in Atlanta and seemed to open up another dynamic. Add to that Tyler Perry’s love for Atlanta and you could see this city was about to become something serious.

But along the way to all those things, a national tragedy happened that, if you ask me, changed the trajectory of the city and also began the downward turn we see in a number of places today in Atlanta. Hurricane Katrina happened in 2005. Many people forget that Atlanta took in more people from New Orleans and surrounding areas than any other state. There folks was the beginning of the down turn. Don’t get me wrong, I love people from the Big Easy. I got to meet quite a few who were displaced after that storm and while some were bitter and hurt, others were still upbeat and optimistic.

But you see far more became honest with themselves about what life would look like that they began to take a more pessimistic and bitter tone. Then you add to that the rapid influx of people from Northern, more rigid states coming down South and it made for the perfect storm. People displaced and struggling to find a way to make it, doing whatever it took. Even if that means lying, stealing, killing, using and abusing or just bumming their way to survival.

The overcrowding of the city, scarcity of jobs and decline in the economy further led to the hardship faced by native Atlantians and the transplants alike. The other thing that people don’t like to admit, but is very true, is that sooo many black gay men flocked to Atlanta in the latter part of the 2000’s. Seeing that cost of living was cheaper and the ease of access to other highly attractive men, the gays wanted Atlanta to be home base and it was.

One of things this city used to be known for was Black people coming to make a life and be successful. The old saying was you could come to Atlanta with a dream and leave with a career. Unfortunately because so many came with that same idea and companies started pulling out, the competition was unimaginable. Again, having a Republican Governor who decimated the Education budget made it harder for this city to continue the promise it once held.

Now, the city is climbing back out of a bad place and jobs are returning in different forms to Atlanta, but the violence and abuse and nastiness is still at an all-time high. So many people have been hurt and scared by boyfriends, girlfriends, employers who aren’t loyal to their people, the government and that’s why we still sit in the same place for the past 11 years. Stuck and not sure how to get out.

It’s not everything, but it’s a damn good synopsis for why the city rose and fell. Maybe, in this reincarnation the city’s people will remember what truly made it stand out from so many other major Metropolitan cities and bring the Southern Charm back to formally Hotlanta, now just Cruelanta.

Thoughts? Opinions? Feelings? Tell me what you think. Let’s talk about it. I’m always ready.

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Weak Ass Bitches

You know I had to wonder if I was going to post something about this situation and after some thought I decided to do so. If it’s one thing that I truly can’t stand it’s a messy ass faggot. And if you know me well, you know that I don’t like to use the word faggot loosely. I don’t like it used referring to me and I don’t like to call anyone that name unless you have truly earned such a designation. Well there is someone out there, who will remain nameless, that truly earned that distinction.

When you don’t get what you want because you aren’t the best match or because you just don’t fit personality wise with someone, you don’t set out to destruct that person’s relationship because you’re not use to being told no. A bad bitch who truly knows that you’re not always going to be the flavor of the month all the time, won’t be fazed and will continue to  move on. One thing that you don’t is stalk what you can’t have and then speak to their partner because they don’t wanna fuck with you no more.

It’s one of the things that makes the Black Gay male community so vilified. We don’t know how to respect when someone is in a relationship, nor do we respect the individual by giving the compliment and moving forward. So many in the life want to gawk and stare at you. They continuously try to talk to you and find ways to get inside. They try to hunt the social apps and streets to see if they can find some dirt on you.

One thing I’ve always said is that if we can’t learn to accept rejection and to respect each other, how the fuck do we truly expect anyone to take us seriously? Where does it say that we have to fight to the death to get what we want all the time? What happened to believing the scripture that says if someone is for you they will be for you no matter what? I absolutely do not understand messy ass faggots who really feel like they can do what they want to do.

The one thing I say about it all is it never fails that when these situations happen they do seem to happen to the right person. Never think that just because you can’t be found at the moment that karma won’t sneak up on you and get yo ass. Because I do believe that unless you put enough positive karma into the atmosphere to offset the shit you doing, that karma will get you.

We gotta do better than this as a people. We have to respect ourselves more than what we do. More importantly we’ve gotta respect the relationship choices and decisions we make as individuals. I understand that your feelings may be hurt because you get turned down, but have some self respect and keep living your life. Ha, while I could say more.. I’ll just stop right here.

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The Obama Effect Cont’d

As I said since the end of last year, I will dedicate at least one blog a month to the effect that President Obama has had and what it has meant and will mean to this race and the country. I was just watching Election Night coverage of the states voting today and I heard something very interesting, which is also very troubling. Some folks down in the South have no idea who Bernie Sanders is and that’s just a shame.

I don’t pretend that he’s a candidate who’s perfect, but I will say that he may be a better candidate for the Black Community than Hillary Clinton, much to the dismay of those famous celebrities and regular Americans who believe she is the one. Mayor Bill Be Blasio of New York, said something very interesting in the segment before the one I watched. He said that the modern day Democrat is now a Social Democrat or a Democratic Socialist. Meaning, we’re a lot more like Bernie Sanders than we are Hillary Clinton, we just don’t like to admit it.

President Obama has set the bar as high as you can for the next Democratic President because of his policies that he’s been able to get passed through Congress. He has helped to lift the country into economic strength. He has done a very strong job of leading us out of the Empire America and back to the leader America. He has forced all of the candidates to shift their positions based on his actions, decisions and agenda. That’s why Clinton must say she is for Gay Marriage, that’s why Sanders must say he wants to extend the benefits of Obamacare.

The Obama coalition was one that had never been seen really before in Democratic circles. He gathered young people, black people, white women, women, older folks and educated folks and turned that into one hell of a base. Think that didn’t stick in folks mind? Bernie Sanders tried to do the same thing this cycle, only problem is… He’s not Black and people don’t really know who he is. Maybe if he would have given a speech to the magnitude of President Obama at the DNC in 2004, maybe we would be talking about Sanders possibly being Obama 2.0.

I still make a plea to Black people to not just hand your vote to Hillary Clinton because she is the wife of former President Bill Clinton, who was favorable to Black people. Do your research, read about the candidates and make an informed decision. If not you will just take away the power we have. And then we bitch about not being involved enough in the process. It’s because we don’t wanna read, we don’t wanna participate and don’t wanna be informed. Put it all together and you got Black people falling short.

If we learn nothing else from the Obama effect, it’s that we must build a strong coalition. We must do our homework and we gotta find a way to stick together. Otherwise, we will continue to fall by the wayside of opportunity.

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Black People Are You Ready…

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Black community, I’m a little bit shocked that we’ve so overwhelmingly decided to turn a blind eye to all of Hillary Clinton’s campaign record and solely focus on the narrative that she and the media have chosen to put out in this election cycle. While I’m not staunchly in support of either Secretary Clinton or Senator Sanders, I do have to say that I’m a little more surprised that we aren’t making these two candidates earn our vote.

Similarly, on the Republican side, Black folks are voting in that party and damn you really think Donald Trump is the best choice ehh? So far tonight in Hillary has already been given both Georgia and Virginia on the Democratic side in the nominating process and it’s assumed that she will have more than 75% of the Black vote in each state. I’m really surprised. Please remember that Hillary Clinton called pockets of Black youth tyrants that needed to be brought to heel. You know that’s an animal term. She was very supportive of the War Against Drugs legislation that her husband signed as President that led to decades of Black incarceration.

Until President Obama came out to support LGBT folks, she was still supporting her husbands signing of the Defense of Marriage Act, classifying marriage as only between a man and a woman. She has been solidly supporting the Black Community when it’s been convenient for her in an election cycle, but where has she been on the Black Lives Matter movement? I just want folks to understand that when we quickly and aimlessly throw away our vote to a candidate just because, we can marginalize our own voice.

Bill Clinton thought in 2008 that Obama was a nice token candidate when he said on the record, that since Jesse Jackson won a few primaries back when he ran for office that Obama winning a few states meant nothing. Little did he know our President would whoop his wife’s ass in the primary process. What’s my point here? Simple, Black people we have a chance to have real power and affect the outcome of a third consecutive Presidential election.

It was because so many of us, young and old, rich and poor, educated and noneducated came out in numbers to elect the first Black President of the United States. We must join together like our LGBT friends, Latino and Asian friends and make our vote count. Clinton may help us get a little bit ahead, but Donald Trump will tear our asses down. Black people, all people please pay attention and vote.

Don’t be influenced by those who may have some money and tell you that Trump is a good choice. Don’t listen to those who tell you that Rubio is the right pick, don’t listen to those who say that Cruz is the option. They are fundamentally opposite to what we in this community needs. We need a President who will continue to level the playing field, not further set it on its head.

Hillary or Bernie, pick whomever you choose, and if you decide to go Republican so be it. But if you don’t do anything else, please be smart and follow each candidate closely and vote for the one who will best help you. It’s pretty shocking when someone says they haven’t followed the election process and sides with one party and then all of sudden switches sides without any homework being done. That tells me you don’t have a voice, you don’t know where you stand and you will foolishly fall for anything. Good luck with that.

Wise up America

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The Great White Haux

Over the past few weeks there have been stories reported about one of the NFL’s most accomplished and respected players, Peyton Manning. The first story was one about Manning have HGH, an illegal drug, sent to his home under his wife’s name during a time where he was recovering from neck surgery. The second, and far more serious, was a story about Manning and a sexual abuse case while he was the Quarterback at the University of Tennessee.

Also contained in that report was the issue of Peyton plagiarizing two essays and getting caught by the same trainer that accused him of sexually assaulting her. I find it to be quite interesting that in both of these stories, the media has not given it the air to breathe and develop that they did back in 2009 when Cam Newton was being recruited out of Junior College and rampant reports of Cam being brought by one of the universities. They pushed and pushed until they thought they found something to try and punish him and his father for.

We fast forward to the story that came out about Manning and steroids, he comes out with scathing comments and threatens a lawsuit and the point man behind the story retracts it all and the story dies. Manning goes on to win his second Super Bowl title and is poised to ride off into the sunset. Then we have the UT story that comes out and finally a little more breath is given to the possibility that Peyton might not the be the squeaky clean football player he was cast out to be. It seems to be that, he too, made mistakes in college and perhaps in Pro football as well that have been covered up.

But despite all this every commentator and analyst want to give Manning a pass and let him ride off into the sunset. Consider that the steroid use was far more recent and to me, damaging than Cam’s issue in 2009 because using that substance is illegal in the eyes of the NFL and is punishable by game suspensions. Maybe even more investigations would have been done that possibly could have turned up even more stuff. I’m not saying that Peyton isn’t an all-time great QB, because he is. But, it also goes to point out that there is still a huge bias in the NFL.

Cam sulks after losing the biggest game of his career and every one wants to bitch and moan and jump all over the man for his “poor sportsmanship”. They want to say that Brady, Manning and other great QB’s wouldn’t have done that, but, excuse me every time Brady and company lost a playoff game he sulked and bitched. So did his coach. But they get a pass because they’re the epitome of greatness right? Yet, Peyton has legit allegations against him and there’s a blind eye turned to it.

These two comparisons aren’t meant to be the be all end all of this discussion, however, I use these as two of the most glaring points of contention. In every day life the same dynamics play out, just like in Corporate America and all places in between. The Great White Haux is alive and well. Whether we like it or not, being Black still means you gotta prove yourself ten times more than your White counterpart.

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The Smile That Hides

Many times people often think that just because someone has a hearty laugh, or constantly smiles that they must be living a happy life. I would submit to you that more often than not it’s a bit of the opposite. The person who’s laughing the hardest and joking the most, is the one who typically has been through the most pain and despair. But instead of letting that hardship get them down or stunt their opportunities, they choose to use it as ammunition. They let it help them develop even more character and to tell their story to someone. It helps them have that memorable, infectious smile.

You see I dare you to talk to your friends that have been through something. You will see that before they choose to wallow in their self pity, they would rather laugh and tell their story. I love it when people think that just because you smile big and you look good that must not have been through anything in your life. I think it’s the power of smiling and laughing that keeps many people from losing their sanity on a given day or time.

Give yourself a moment to reflect back on all the stories you’ve heard. Think back about all the people you’ve come across that you see smile all the time. Do you know what their story is? Do you know if they’ve been through any kind of difficult situations? The beauty of a smile is a person lets you think that their life is all good, while on the inside they may be torn apart.

I will never forget that someone once told me that by looking at me they don’t think that I’ve been through anything. I politely smiled and laughed, then said “If you only knew the half.” It’s been the story of my life for such a long time since I’ve been an adult. People only know the outer layers that I let them see and they instantaneously think that they know my story. They think that because I smile and laugh all the time and wear nice clothes that my life hasn’t been a struggle.

Anyone who knows me well would know that my life hasn’t been nearly as easy as it may seem. See that’s what happens when you let your smile control your life. So I challenge every one to take a minute and find out if someone is smiling out of shear joy or are they truly hiding the pain behind their smile. If so, then clearly it’s a case of the smile that hides.

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The Obama Effect

As my President winds down his time occupying the White House, I’m determined to pay homage to the nations first African American President. It’s also fitting, since it’s Black History month, that I begin with this month and what we’ve seen come out of South Carolina recently, and from the nation in the wake of Supreme Court Justice Scalia passing away.

That reality is that President Barack Obama has altered the course of America forever. We have equalities in place now that didn’t exist prior to President 44 stepping into the White House. I’m sorry to all the Clinton supporters, but President Obama did what Bill and Hillary could not do. He was the President that saw Universal Healthcare become the law of the land. He was the President who pulled the trigger that allowed for Osama Bin Laden to be killed. He was the President that brought the economy from the brink of disaster and created jobs in America. He was the President who nominated the first Latina Supreme Court Justice.

His accomplishments go on and on, and while he wasn’t to get everything he wanted done; there is no question that his Presidency has been one hell of a success. Obama has made the country aware of equality for Gays and Lesbians and Transgender folks. He has helped to reshape the education discussion, he is reshaping the Justice Department and crime as we speak. Man when you just think about all the things that have happened under his watch you have to be impressed.

There have been failures and will continue to be as long as we have a two party governance system. No President gets everything they want, but he really was able to get a lot of things done, despite Republicans trying to obstruct his entire agenda. The result is what I call the Obama Effect. Hillary Clinton is wrapping herself completely in the cloth of Obama’s Presidency. What a slap in the face it must be to her husband, that she’s running the current President’s record and not to be a resurrection of the Clinton years.

Senator Sanders is trying to align himself with members of the Obama support group in Congress, but more importantly is trying to follow the Obama model, of young people, first time voters and College educated folks to rise to the top of the ticket in the Party.

Who would have thought that 7 plus years ago Barack Obama would have the effect that he’s had. Ha, all these racist, prejudice White people must be puling their hair out. Mr. President thank you for your contributions to this nation and I hope the remainder of this year the Obama Effect continues to expand and slap those who oppose it right in their faces.