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The American Royal Wedding

I told my friend who asked me the other day that I was not gone wake up at 4am ET to watch the Royal Wedding. True to myself I didn’t. Yet I did find myself watching the nd the replays and commentary from the wedding on CNN.

I must admit I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the Dutchess of Essex had a Gospel Choir in attendance to serenade her and the Prince. She made such a beautiful bride. Her dress was georgous nd fitting of the occasion. They looked as happy as the ceremony was grandeous.

It was the comments of the panel assembled on CNN that stirred my mind nd thats what I’m diggin deeper into today. Leave it to my boy Don Lemon to provide wordly perspective on the most hyped wedding this year. He said it so well: At a time when the US is so divided nd the World is in chaos we have a wedding that brings hope of change because its inclusive nd focused on love.

The history of this moment is not lost on those looking beyond the fashion nd A List celebrities. An American marrying into the Royal Family. The greatest ally we have nd one of oldest Establishments in the world. And no less important that the woman marrying into this Dynastical family is a mixed race Black woman.

Let that sink in. The Royal Family has been known as an all White Privilege society. And while the Dutchess is only one we have already seen how she nd Prince Harry nd the young guard plan to operate. They are an inclusive bunch nd time will tell how much change comes to England.

During the analysis of the ceremony, the optics nd people there Don mentioned that this was change. A Black Bishop delivering lively remarks nd echoing King. A Gospel Choir delivering beautiful perfomances nd leaving that Chapel mesmorized. Things never seen at a royal wedding. One of the English pa elists said she felt the Gospel Chour, while they were quite amazing, was uncomfortable nd out of place for a Royal Wedding.

I think she is systematic of the problem in England. My question is why the fuck are they outta place. Cuz they Black. Cuz they sing music with passion nd flair? Cuz it foreign to all you Brit elite bitches? It sounds very prejudical and radically short sighted. This point was proven when about 30 minutes later when the panel was reflecting again. This same woman said the song choice, Stand By Me, was befitting for both as they’ve both had major struggles in their lives nd they found that one who will Stand by them.

It was in that moment when she reflected within nd she began to tear up thinking of the symbolism nd message of the song nd the choir singing it. And it was there she acquiesced nd said that maybe the song nd voices chosen to sing it were perfect.

Change doesn’t come over night nor does it come when we look subjectively thru what is to be an objective lens. America and the World knows inclusivity is the way nd Black is beautiful and always fits in whatever surrounding you place it in. Congratulations Prince and Dutchess party on!

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A broken soul

Damn it Im back and it feels good. My absence from my release vice has been killing me. So much to write about. So many thoughts to lay down.

The hardest thing to do when ur reviving urself from a difficult relationship is to manage the emotions and pain you feel. People will constantly try to tell u to just move past it cuz you’ve survived it but bitch do u kno what the fuck I went through? Most likely not which means fuck u saying just push past it. Ive gotta heal and restart all over again.

See there is so much emotional damage that comes from a breakup. If you had any sort of trauma or extreme challenges there’s more damage done. It all adds up. The longer you were together the harder it is too. It makes u question yourself. You have doubt and all types of thoughts eating away at you. When you experience so of the extremes of a relationship you also lose track of yourself. You find yourself searching for answers and for who you are.

You lose friendships and distance yourself to protect you and those you care for from the madness and destruction. Not knowing that you’re really tearing yourself apart in the process. Yet you find the strength from God to continue on until you find the will nd power to walk away. But the damage is already done. You are destroyed and heart broken. You’re left to pick up the pieces of your heart nd soul to put it back together again.

That’s where the doubt and disbelief set in. It’s when the depression and hatred set in. It’s where you question your existence and purpose. Its where the dark cloud rests. Trying to find the desire to move on. The levels pain fluctuate and only you can stop it.

Ask yourself can you stand and rebuild yourself again?

Speak ur mind nd lets discuss

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The Power of Two

If you don’t like kinda sermon type blogs, then this one you might wanna skip. It’s not going to be the traditional sermon but it will sound like I’m preaching, and it might just be to you. Every once in a while something like this comes into my spirit and I feel the need to get it out. With that advanced notice, here we go.

I wanna take some time to explain why two is very powerful. Think about how many are in a marriage? What about a committed relationship?  It’s only two. Two people who learn how to come together, how to share their collective talents, how to bind their hearts as one. Two who learn how to command a room. Two who know how to be successful together. I can only imagine that for some, they don’t feel that you need two to be successful and that’s true, but how much stronger are you when you have that special one to hold on to?

When two come together and find that cohesion it can create things that weren’t thought to be possible. When two figure out how to find their commonality it’s like poetry. When two work together to get past the past hurts and pains, it’s better than any Psychologist or Therapist. When two learn how to love, my damn it’s stronger than just about anything. Two is one of the most powerful numbers in human nature, because two can create magic.

Again, let me go back to my opening statement, this blog ain’t for the person that wants to be alone, nor it is for the person who doesn’t want to settle down. Rather, this is for the hopeless romantic, this is for the broken-hearted who still has hope, this is for those lovers out there that are already working to on their two. This is for anyone who already knows what the Power of two is and can lend their testimony.

When you lay in the bed at night and you are cuddled together with your one and only, the two of you are creating chemistry, energy, and heat that feels second to none. When the two of you are working on plans for your future you see the light shining so brightly in the sky. When you two are making decisions as to how to facilitate things, it’s like creating art. See the ability to form two and make a beautiful union is extremely powerful.

When you feel down on yourself, the other picks you up. When you feel alone, the other reminds you that they’re there. When you think that you can’t do something or that you’re break ain’t coming, the other reminds you that your breakthrough is just around the other side of the corner. This ain’t to say that friends can’t help you or encourage you along the way, because they can, but that one that’s your rock their voice means just that  much more to you.

Lemme tell you this, if you’ve tried to develop a Power of two and it falters that doesn’t mean that you stop, because the energy that comes from that twosome is worth going hard after. If you trying to work on that Power of two and you encounter some hardships, don’t stop because it’s hard, just keep plowing ahead. The Power of two is just that special. The Power of two can make you feel like ten. There is not another feeling that can outlast it. If you think it ain’t real ask those folks who are happily married or been in long-term committed relationships.

 

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Good Head Good Life

Clearly my title is a little tongue in cheek, but this blog will tell you why you need a partner who knows how to give good head. Laugh now, but I bet if you think about it you’ll realize if you ever been wit someone who knows how to suck good dick, you’ve been happy pretty often.

Now the premise of this is based on you having someone who both knows how and likes to suck dick. Think about when you’ve argued with the person and then it came time to have make up sex. Ain’t it grand when they just drop to they knees and start sucking your dick? You know it makes you feel good and then it just makes you wanna fuck em that much better and more. If this ain’t you it’s cool, just thinking about what made you mad will still get the job done I’m sure. LOL

But, I want you to also think about on them mornings that you gotta get up for work and you know you don’t wanna go. If your dude or woman there wit you and know your frustration, maybe they help give you some motivation and bless you before you gotta go. Maybe they even start while you sleep so you wake up and feel like the day gone be great. If you had this happen then you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Or think about that weekend action. You off and you know you can sleep in a lil late. Bae next to you and just slide down and go to bobbin on that dick, you know that shit makes you feel like a million dollars right. Ha! Maybe you got a freak for a partner and they start sucking on you while you out driving to where eva y’all bout to go or coming from. Who don’t like driving down the road gettin a good brain session? What about that lunchtime quickie? Ain’t got time to fuck, but got time to get slobbed on. Tell me that don’t set you right.. LOL

The tension that gets released, the frustration you can let out but fucking the hell out they throat while they sucking on you. If they like it rough, you can grab they hair and pull, if they ain’t got a lot, you push they head down on ya dick and enjoy the job that they doing. You ain’t gotta admit it, but it makes your sex life that much better. If they can suck you til you bust that nut, tell me a good nut from sum head don’t make feel you relaxed.

Now all those benefits were just given, imagine if you didn’t have that. The sex might still be good, but the sex might also be a lil boring. Limited foreplay but lots of fuckin..maybe. See sometimes if bae ain’t in the mood to give up the ass or pussy, that good brain will suffice for the night. Oh and by the way, if the reason it’s not being done is because they don’t know, then you should allow them opportunity to practice on you. So maybe you that kat that boo won’t blow you cuz they don’t know how. Let them practice. Because as we all know, Practice does make Perfect! LMAO

If you dare, leave ya comments and lets have a lil chat about it.

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T.H.O.T.

I was laughably having a conversation with my boyfriend a couple weeks back and we were talking about this potential topic and I said that it was time to write it. I know that this will cause a little bit of hurt feelings but hey, if it does, then maybe that means it applies to you. Now what you do with what gets said in this blog is your choice.

First let me make sure I help those who might not know what these letters mean that I’ve used to title this blog. T.H.O.T means That Hoe Ova There. I wanted to talk about this because I’m alarmed at how many people are picking THOTS as their partners and then shocked when the relationship doesn’t work out or surprised when certain things happen. Just by rule a THOT is not a boyfriend or girlfriend, they’re a FUCK simply put.

This will focus on the men because I’ve no damn clue about properly identifying all the different type of female THOT’s but as for men, especially gay men go, baby I’m going to give you the damn book. Sit back and relax. Enjoy the read, get you a good laugh and take notes, because the next time you think you got sum good, you might have a man in disguise, they just might be a THOT.

Let me give a few characteristics of the feminine and masculine THOT. First the fem THOT. If he looks extra cute, but tells you he inbetween jobs or has lots of money but can’t tell you what he does for a living.. THOT. If his phone is constantly going off while y;all on a date and he gives you the stupid look.. he a THOT. If you go out and lots of people know him and look at you funny, he’s a THOT. If his asshole feels kinda hollow.. he a THOT. If he can slide your dick inside of him without no lube.. he a THOT. If he says that he needs 10+ inch dicks only.. he a THOT. If he expects you to pay for everything and y;all just met.. he a THOT. If he can’t talk about nothing but sex and how good he is.. he a THOT.

For the more masculine man.. if he sexy and ain’t got a job but always keep income.. he a THOT. If his phone keeps going off and has to constantly excuse himself.. he a THOT. IF y’all on a date and all the fem boys gawking at him.. he a THOT. If his dick can’t stay hard while y’all fucking.. he a THOT. If he can’t bust a nutt.. he a THOT. If he keeps condoms on him.. he a THOT. If he asks can he nut inside you on the first time.. he a THOT. If he needs to hide his phone all the time.. he a THOT.

By the way, here are a few communal traits that you might wanna look out for. If he always wants to fuck no matter when you last had sex.. he a THOT. If every time you see him at the club his shirt is always off.. he a THOT. If you constantly see him leaving with someone else.. say it.. he a THOT. Don’t let your one night stand turn into Fatal Attraction wit a THOT because you will always end up burned. LOL

Yes there can be exceptions to these character traits, but I can pretty much bet you that if you see these traits in the dude you think is your man, it’s probably a good chance that he’s a THOT. Warning: Be careful!! Because THOT’s want to be loved too and they will mask themselves very well in order to feel that love and continue to be taken care of. Watch for the street, educated THOT. Those are the ones who don’t need your money, but definitely wanna add your ass or dick to their collection plate. Yes, go on and fuck, but no don’t get your feelings attached.

Yes, I know there will people who disagree wit this and that’s fine. But after almost 14 years of experience in this lifestyle, I can say with much confidence that 99% of the THOTs in these streets exhibit these character traits. My goal is to help you notice what you gettin so that you don’t try to turn community dicks/ass into relationship dicks/ass, because for you that means disappointment.

Lemme know what you think.. How you feel. Let’s discuss. Both sides are welcome to speak.

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Open Up to Love

I’ve been a very vocal proponent over the years of allowing yourself to love and be loved. I have also said that you never know when it’s going to happen, how it will happen and where it will come from. Many times we feel like we need to have it happen the “pure” way that the older folks and mostly Church folks say it should happen. You know, meet and talk. Go on a few plutonic dates and have the night end there. No sex for a while in order to see if it’s lust or love, and then move from there.

If you know me, you know I say that’s pure bull shit in todays age. Yes, there can be harmless dates and courtship and flirting, but the reality also is that people wanna fuck and see if they like the dick or ass or pussy as much as if they like the person. Disagree with me all you want, but that’s just the truth of the matter. I don’t really care if anyone agrees with my last statement, but if you’re honest about it, most times that’s exactly how it goes. There might be a couple dates thrown in there, but I can also bet that sex will come to the front of the list sooner than later.

I get so tired of people meeting up and trying to sound the alarm of the wholesome guy who’s never done anything and they always need to know you before they fuck you, when in their minds they thinking of how can they make the sex happen before the end of the first month or two. LOL! One of the most critical elements of love is truth. Whether it’s a freak speaking their truth or a conservative person speaking their truth. Love will allow for you to be open and honest enough to express all that you want and letting the chips fall where they may.

As I like to say, you never know when love will strike and most times it happens when you truly least expect it. You can think you about to have a normal hookup. Just a nut and before you know it you and that person realize that you truly might be meant to be. That’s when you have tune out the naysayers and ignore those who say that it’s just lust that will fade. You gotta believe that things happen for a reason and what you feel is truly real. If you think it won’t be tested, you can think again. Love is always tested. Relationships are always challenged. See that’s how you find out if it’s truly real. The challenges and tests let you know if the person is really for you. If the love is truly real or just a means to survive.

Yes it’s scary and creates a vulnerability that you have to accept, but the reward is better than any fear you can have. The reason that you gotta open yourself is because no one wants to spend their life alone, and if you find someone that fits into your puzzle, why would you keep them out just because you’re afraid. Just always remember, you’re love between the two of you is just that yours. No one can tell you how to love each other nor how to show it. If you like to display your affection in public do it, if you like to please your lover do it. Because always remember they love you because who you are and what you aren’t. Open yourself and let your soul be free to get caught up in the mystery. Love, feel, breathe and enjoy. The journey will reward you if you stay true to your soul.

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If It Ain’t About Yo Money

It’s interesting to me that I continue to come across guys that seem to think that the love of their partner has to be shown by how much money is spent on them. Whether it be them being taken on a date, or being brought clothes, shoes and so on. It’s amazing to see how many people really base their happiness off of whether or not they man or woman is willing to spend they money on them, or take care of them.

It’s been a time old tradition that the one with less feels like they gotta be given more. Or the one being chased must always get what they want in order to say that their pursuer is truly feeelin them. I’ve come to understand some of the logic behind that method of thinking, but I’m would be lying if I said it makes complete sense. I’m thankful that I’ve been able to have a couple relationships where my guy was more concerned with how much I could love on them, make them happy, do the small things that built its way to bigger things.

Maybe people have gotten use to that because that’s what t.v. says is supposed to happen. The movies are created with the high balla gettin what he wants, while the regular man is continually passed over until the end, when he’s shown to have been the best choice. I think that we have to have a real conversation as to whether or not we’re really being smart about how we teach our children and loved ones to look for and determine what love really looks like.

What happens if that person falls on hard times? Maybe they get laid off, or get sick and can’t continue to provide like they once were. They can’t buy you the hundreds of dollars of stuff you use to. Would you still be right there beside them? Would you still claim them, or just like the wind, would you blow in the direction of the next highest bidder? Sounds like a prostitute, doesn’t it? But say that out loud and baby you can get ready for a full blown argument.

While I will never tell anyone what to look for or how to go about finding love, I will always tell you the truth about why your love life is failing. I will tell you that the reason things fall apart is because you’re looking for the wrong things. Happiness should never be able to be brought. And, it should never have a time limit placed on it either. Nobody walking this Earth knows when or how they’re going to fall in love. You could think that the same random sex act you’ve set up will deliver the same results and before you know it, you’ve found someone that actually fits everything that you are and want.

The point I’m making is.. it’s not always about the money. And it ain’t always about doing things the “wholesome” way. Sometimes, you have to just live your life and let things happen as it may. The spoiling will take care of itself, as long as the love is there.

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The Masculine Complex

I’ve been wrestling for the past week or so with how to write this blog because I think that this dynamic could apply to most any state, however, this will focus on Atlanta, GA. I have struggled for so long to understand why is that everyone is in such a pressing urge to have this “Masculine” man when you’re gay. I can’t really wrap my mind around it.

Maybe I’ll break it down kinda like this. If you like the same sex and you’re a guy. That means you like to lay down with, cuddle, with, fuck and get your dick sucked by the same gender as you, there is already an element of Feminism attached to you. Oh, don’t get me wrong you can be big and strong and muscular and talk with a manish talk and like all the manly things, but don’t forget that the end of the night you want a man to please you.

Let me change the thought process a little and frame it like this. If you’re feminine I understand that you want someone who’s more manly than you because that’s your attraction, but do they have to be the stereotypical “Masculine” man? Essentially, the straight man wrapped in a gay mans body.

I can only imagine how defeating of the purpose it is to be an openly gay man and because you don’t watch all the manly sports, or do the manly things all the time or have the deep voice, that somehow you aren’t “Masculine enough”. I just would like for someone out there to help me understand what’s wrong with a man who knows he’s a man, but likes to embrace his entire self. I mean after all that’s why they decided to out themselves no?

Maybe I can shed a little on the situation. I tend to believe that everyone wants this “Masculine”, “Manish” man because that’s the flight of fancy in the  mind that so many gay bottoms like it. But the funny dynamic is that now you find many tops wanting the same thing and that makes me so baffled. Are you insecure wit yourself that you need another masculine presence to reinforce yourself?

Listen, I don’t knock anyone for wanting what they want, because we all have an ideal guy in mind that we want to date. The one who will compliment our personalities and lifestyles accordingly. But, I do think that in Atlanta there just seems to be this over eager feeling for a “Masculine”  man. You know if we recalibrated what we thought of as Masculine behavior, maybe it wouldn’t be soo bad.

But, that’s part of the issue with the craze. The guy has to look masculine, talk masculine, act masculine. Hell if they show any sign of an effeminate behavior immediately the person is dismissed. The truth is the guy that you just dismissed might the most masculine one you will find, but they just refuse to be boxed based on someone else’s image.

I think that we should stop trying to live in the boxes outlined for us. We should stop trying to look for the typical Masculine guy and find the guy that really fits you and has the dominant personality to match. Surprisingly to many, you might find that the guy that you dismissed because they didn’t act completely masculine, might be the one to do you exactly like you want them to.

It’s interesting too, because some folks I’ve talked to about this have seen the similar trend and laugh and mock those who think that the “Masculine” man is going to be prevalent in this city. The truth is you’re mostly likely to find a hybrid. One who carries himself with a dominant, masculine demeanor; but may have traits that are soft. And I would venture to guess that that those men will be some of the best ones to know.

Are you going to the find the traditional hard, masculine man..Yes! They exist and they’re out there without a doubt. But are you going to find them like fish in the Atlantic Ocean..No. Find yourself a good man who can give you all you need and most of what you want and I bet you will be truly happy.

What’s the message here? Accept people for who they are, stop trying to find the perfect box and expand yourself to a rectangle. You just find someone who will make you eternally happy.

 

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A Fathers Dilemma

We are just removed from celebrating the fathers across the world for yet another year. For me, it’s my 11th such honor to be called a father and it feels like yesterday that I came into this position. No, I’ve yet to father any children biologically, but those of you out there that are surrogate parents, step-parents, true foster parents and so on, know that once you have that bond it doesn’t matter if you created the or not, you’re their parent.

I can remember back 11 years to when I first started this journey. I can remember thinking how the hell am I going to be able to give that type of influence to someone at just 21 years old. What was I going to do, how was I going to impart wisdom. And truthfully I’ve made many mistakes along the way fathering the 13 people that have come under my guidance.

I haven’t always done things the way that maybe they should have been done, but I’ve always believed that my decisions and efforts have been to protect those that I can son/daughter, and I’m proud of all the choices that I made. But you know that’s where the difficulty of being a father comes in.

Yes we all know that mothers get the glitz and glam of the honorary day. Because they carried you inside them. They nurtured you while you were inside them. They nurture you when come out and they comfort you when the father has to scold you and discipline you. If there is no father present then mother takes both roles so she has to give you tough love and comforting love.

For most fathers they are there to mostly be the stern parent. They are the one that you don’t want called up to school if you do something wrong. They’re often the parent that you go to when you want something because you know mom is gone make you go to him. Dad is the one who protects you when you go on first date, ladies. And young men, dad is the one who tells you how you should treat the girl.

But where a father struggles most is when he has to make choices when there are multiple kids involved. When he has to choose between standing firm and being consistent, but also protecting the younger child from their older, more freed siblings. He loves them both and wants the best for them both, but he knows when to step in and the result is never what he wants the outcome to be.

If you’re the father of gay children, and you’re gay yourself, you want to make sure that you provide the example that you want your kids to imitate. You show them the type of man that you hope they go after and wind up spending their lives with at some point. You make yourself vulnerable to the things you did and the mistakes you made, so you can hopefully prevent them from making the same mistakes.

The role of a father is not easy. Because you will always be that benchmark for someone or many someones. Man do I know how hard it is to be a father, because along the way I’ve made a lot of my children mad with the decisions I made. But, I look at the people they’ve become and I’m so proud because they’ve all grown up to become wonderful people. They fight their way through adversity and they never give up. All of them have pieces of me in them and it makes an eternally proud parent.

So my final thought on this is, never be afraid to talk to your kids about the things you’ve done, both good and bad. Because it will give them prospective and allow them to feel peace with making mistakes but give them comfort knowing that they can overcome. Being a father is a challenge, but it’s one that I’ve enjoyed with great fervor.

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A Heavy Heart Takes Time

It’s a really hard thing when you lose someone that you care about. No matter if it’s a lover or a friend, family or someone you consider family. It’s also really difficult when you lose a lover that you thought would be around, or the people who’ve had your heart and broken it, or return and try to take advantage of it. As I’ve grown up and matured though, I realized that each event must be taken on its own merits and you got to heal from each one to truly get better.

I lost my best friend of 10 years a year ago and my heart is still weakened from that loss because it was tragic and unexpected. He was one of those friends that always was there and never judged me for anything that I did or didn’t do. He was a special person that can never be replaced and the void from him I know will take time to heal from . Compounding that with the difficulties of failed relationships and close friendships makes it even harder.

All of these things and so much more I keep on my mind and in my heart, and yet most people never know these things because I choose not to divulge them and just make sure that the face people see is a smile and the emotions and feelings people know are those that I want you to see. Learning how to cope with a heavy heart I learned is a part of life. Learning to block out the pain in order to deal with the feelings and emotions are critical.

You know I’ve been meeting and coming across a lot of folks from my past the past few weeks and months. First thought I had was why are you coming back. But then I realized my own answer. It’s time to let go of the past hurt and pain. It’s time to heal myself from the folks that have wronged me or hurt me, and that I’ve hurt along the way also.

It’s time to find that true peace with those situations and allow myself to remove some of those burdens in order to grow some more and take the next step into my personal growth and well-being. I’m excited now that I’m releasing so much of the past and being able to embrace so much of the future and present.

Heavy hearts kill people, make them depressed and can cause them to do all kinds of things harmful to themselves. I want people to always know that you don’t have to let yourself go just because you’ve had a broken heart for whatever reason. I hope this blog reaches someone who needs to read this and hope it channels your thoughts and emotions. Come out of the dark and walk back into the light