love

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Heart Chronicles

There is something that I think many need to make sure to understand, the lack of openness or a suppression natural affection and sexual intimacy is not a reflection necessarily of both parties in a relationship. Most times it can be the result of one persons lack of transparency, but it can have a transfer effect. Meaning, that that missing or negligent action can cause doubts on both parts. Or, it can create a sense of resentment. Either way both are dangerous and need to be monitored because they can cause serious problems within a relationship.

As I’ve been saying recently, it’s not always one major thing that happens that causes change. It usually is smaller things that occur, that either lead up to the big thing happening that is obvious and noticed or the small things happen often enough, or in important enough situations that they’re noticed, at which point something must be done. It would be a mistake to just dismiss something small happening now, because it can be the catalyst that leads to something bigger down the road. If you notice these things happening you can handle it a number of ways and each carries different consequences. One way you can address the situation is to speak with intent on it. Meaning, ask why is it happening. Why is there a need to hide or feel the need to sneak if there is happiness and moving on one accord?

Be careful though because if that person isn’t use to that type of directness or bluntness it can lead to a retraction in that person. They may feel attacked and rather than engage in the conversation they may push back and attempt to disprove what it is that you’re putting forward. The other reaction you could get is a direct response. One that either you must accept or push forward if you feel that it doesn’t address the issue sufficiently. The second way you could handle it is just let it go. Don’t entertain it or any thoughts that could be associated with it. Maybe it’s just a situation that the person wanted an immediate fix and you were busy in the house and they chose to do it themselves and not involve you. Nothing against you and nothing indicating that any attraction is being lost or missing.

This is the passive approach, but it’s one that could also work. Again, it may allow for the situation to die out and not be tackled because it just may not need addressing at all. But be ware, because this could also be a flash point that needs to be marked as a sign of trouble down the line. Always remember, you have to maintain being present, which means attune to things within your relationship. A third way to deal with it combines the two approaches in a way. You address it but not questioning the deal. Speak your peace as to the necessity of your partner self pleasing themselves with you there in the house just in another room. Make it known your displeasure and let them think about why did they need to hide it and do it alone in the first place.

Now what you do after that is really up to you. If they don’t really have an answer and then ask you to join, well decide what you want to do. Maybe that was just a way for you to invite yourself, even though it was being hidden and you had to be playful and pull back the covers to see what’s happening. But maybe they wanted you to do it. Also consider, that had you not done any of that. Had you not played with person, had you not pulled the covers off none of that, you would’ve never known anything. It would’ve continued to be done and you would be in the dark. Maybe you need to leave them alone with your words and their thoughts. Nothing further to be said. No argument to have, no conversation to be debated. Just blunt words and then silence.

This has multiple ways it can turn out as well. Maybe the person thinks and talks to you about it and you clear the air and things improve. Maybe it leads to some tension and silence and nothing is really resolved. Or maybe there is some quiet, silent reflection that leads to discussion or action to ease your fears and doubts. Hopefully the outcome is the one you desire and the two of you can move forward in a peaceful and happy manner. Remember, relationships are going to have issues and obstacles. They will the most minimal of things to heavy and major things. Decide where it fits and handle it accordingly. It grows you both and makes you better if you accept it.

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Sexual Therapy

Have you waited a while to have sex with your lover for whatever reason and once you do it you feel this euphoria? You have this ease and peace about you, if they fucked you good, or you fucked them good? What is that about and why is that type of therapy such a necessary thing for the health and happiness of your relationship? I know I touch on this topic on a regular basis and that’s because I feel that it is needed. Being comfortable talking about sex, the different elements and the necessity for it should be something that is done more often.

Now back to the topic at hand. When you haven’t been fully sexually satisfied in a minute, there is nothing like getting some A1 ass, fye dick, wet ass pussy to put your minds at ease. Focusing on this is necessary for a number of reasons, one, if you have questions about the chemistry look no further than the level of sex you have. If it’s basic and usual, maybe you got problems. If it’s good and improving then you just might be on the right track. If it’s great and fulfilling then you got exactly what you need. It makes you feel like the king or queen. It gives you a sense of completion that your partner fucks you or you fuck your partner so good. If you don’t have to tell your mate how to do it, which way to do it because they know your body, how does that make you feel?

If you’ve had the foreplay leading into the sex so your always moist and the dude is already stimulated, just how much better is that sex than if it just seems set up and happens? What does it do to your mental and emotional psyche when you have sex that feels so good. That sex that makes you either hungry as fuck or fall into a slumber for awhile? These feelings that you have are important to the health of your relationship. It can provide a sense of security that you might not otherwise have if you aren’t having sex. Or if when you do have sex it isn’t good. Or if the sex feels rushed, or if one of you feels disconnected in some way.

I don’t pretend to subscribe to the notion that a healthy relationship can survive without a regular sex life. I don’t believe that you’re matched with someone to only experience parts of them. It is fully my belief that relationships are meant to have all elements involved. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. There should be levels of connectedness that make you feel like you and that person are one more times than not. Individual journeys being woven together by life experiences together, by conversations and by the best sex that each of you can provide. Tell me how does one feel that they have you if they don’t really have that deep physical intimacy that needs to be had? You can be as emotionally connected as you want, but if you don’t feel anything when it’s time to get physical, I don’t believe that you will stay together long term.

Sometimes what you really need to feel is the love of that person. To have that man feel your strength. To go through that release of tension, that rush of energy and pleasure is a feeling that nothing can compare to. There is amount of talking or cuddling that will actually replace the physical touching and tangling and mixing of bodies. I challenge you to go home and put it down on your lovers if it’s time. And even if you just recently did that tell me how did you feel when it was done? Did you just want to bask in the moment? If you’re the person that will do this today, I bet when you’re done you will enjoy that person just a little more than you did before.

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Rediscovery of Identity

Often times when you’ve gone through something traumatic, especially if it’s at the hands of a lover, you tend to lose yourself for a time while you recover and heal. And if you choose to stay in that relationship longer after the damage has been inflicted upon you, you’re further alienating yourself from you. Because you have to turn into a survivor. That’s right, the minute that you try to remain in something damaging, you are no longer really living. At that point what you’re doing is existing, surviving until you ground yourself again and find you.

Once you decide to leave that situation you start that process of rediscovery. It takes you through the highs and lows of the past. It reminds you of the person you use to be. It harkens back to better days and maybe even bad days to see just how far you’ve drifted away from yourself. It is a painful process, but ultimately one that becomes necessary in order for you to center yourself and move forward. Magnify that times ten when it comes to entering back into a relationship and defining yourself and role within the scope of that situation. If you’ve ever lost yourself in a relationship you know how hard it is to rediscover that being in the next one. Primarily because most of us really won’t take the time to examine who we became during that time and evaluate how much of that person we want to keep and how much we want to remove. Want to return to the person that we once were with some enhancements.

It is a challenge that becomes more difficult because as you evolve as a person that mark will move. There are risks to over compensating for the errors you made. Making too drastic a change because of the pain. You run the risk of changing all of you when you may only need to alter a small part. Trying to decide who you are in the current moment is hard enough without dealing with the past pains and traumas. It is also why I understand the need, usually earlier in relationships, for there to be a healthy amount of jockeying for status. Both of you trying to test your boundaries of what will be tolerated. Both trying to see just who is the more dominant person in the relationship. Both trying to re-establish their relationship identity.

Once you lose yourself, you tend to force yourself not to get too lost again. It’s a measure of control that many seek to keep because they don’t want to be hurt too much. They don’t want to be made a fool of and the normal action taken is to hold back. To present variations of yourself until you are ready and comfortable with the person you want to present and who you will giving yourself to. These awkward moments should be expected and shouldn’t be dismissed. They don’t need to be dwelled upon either. You each should take stock of the physical and emotional reactions you got. Think about what you said or did to cause it and understand the limit that your partner just placed on you. If it was something funny and joking understand that within the funny is a message.

I lost nuisances of understand that a message can be hidden in all things is something we should do a better job of. We can laugh and be joking in order to tamp down the harshness of what’s being said, but it shouldn’t be dismissed as not being serious. It should be possibly looked at as your partner wanting to restrict you without hurting you. Also, during this time don’t be afraid to address things that bother or aggravate you. This is when you should be alerting your lover to the things that you aren’t satisfied with. Again, it may be uncomfortable but it will better your relationship in the long run. Talking and understanding, giving constructive and considerate criticism is what makes relationships last. That authenticity and knowledge that you will get the truth from your partner is invaluable.

I’ve always said that until your relationship experiences that uncomfortable honest period, then you haven’t really begun reaching the deeper truths of your relationship. As long as everything is rosy and sunshiny you have nothing to really worry about. Once things become more serious and real, once there is self reflection and evaluation. Once you are asked to listen to your heart and once you have some positives and negatives of each other is when you really know whether or not you love that person deeply. That’s when you really know whether or not you have a love that is really lasting. That’s also when you really find out if you have rediscovered yourself. If you find yourself repeating the same things from before, maybe there is still substantial work to do. If you find yourself seeing the same issues, maybe you aren’t as ready as you think you are.

Always be willing to challenge yourself. Always be willing to look at yourself with a honest lens, not just the you don’t want to be alone lens. Healthy and happy people create healthy and happy relationships. A strong understanding of self and a love of that self is a big of the equation. So for all of those who may be questioning things about yourself. Wondering if you have truly found yourself, look deeper into the mirror and ask yourself if you have rediscovered yourself? If you have then hey move forward in the way that you see forth. If you still in that process, then let time finish working on you and that love will most surely follow.

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Foreplay All Day

One of the best things you can do to get and keep your romance sparked is to have a healthy dose of foreplay. Nothing gets the mood right like doing things to turn each other on and keep things fresh. If you know anything about what it does, foreplay sets the tone for how things go. It is a sort of mind fucking that stimulates the body. No matter if the sex happens the same day or the next, when you allow yourself to be turned on and teased by your lover it only makes things better.

I think that foreplay, when done right and engaged by both parties, makes the relationship keep a sense of the unexpected. It has a way of making the day better when you least expect it to be. It can also be the thing that turns a good sex session into an amazing sex session. There has to be some understanding though about how far to take it. Make sure you know the level of freak that your partner has. Have a full understanding of what they deem to be acceptable to them. Nothing can ruin a mood more than having a lover who is super freaky and kinky and one who is… more basic or traditional. This can lead to awkward sexual foreplay, which can then lead to disappointing or uninspiring sex.

Also, be open minded when you choose to have foreplay with your lover. Don’t be afraid to show some skin, or if you’re together, get naked and lay up together. More than that, use your mouth, tongue, lips and hands on each other. Let that lead into the more intense moments of sex that happen between you two. Maybe just leave it at swapping head on each other. Let that take you over into the next day. Then do something else and something after that. Let the tension and heat build until you can’t take anymore and then let it all out. Explore and enjoy all the elements and levels of sex. Fuck until you have nothing left and let that aura and vibe engulf you and your lover. Bask in the afterglow of amazing sex, inspired by great foreplay.

People, you must understand that sometimes great sex is all about what’s done leading up to the sex, as much as it is the sex. Often times if you’ve been with someone for a while, just getting right to fucking may solve the primary itch, but the foreplay keeps it spicy. It can also reinvigorate your love life it it’s gone a little sour and stale. It can also keep your sex life from getting to that point, if you’re willing to be eventful and take a few fun risks. Explore the depths of your sexuality together. Nothing brings people closer than trying new things together. Can you imagine having oral sex in your vehicle in broad daylight? Playing around with each other in the park. Just think about the rush that would give and how much fun it would be.

As I’ve sat here and written this blog, I’ve given you reasons why you should allow yourself to be adventurous and have a robust foreplay life with your partner. I’ve also given you reasons why it works and why it might not. Hopefully your mind is open and hopefully your partner has a freak streak in them too. If so, experiment and explore. Love and let love. Foreplay all day

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Heart Chronicles

So it’s fair to say that I’ve written a good bit about the need and importance of sex in relationships. In this post I will expand a little deeper into the why and what it does. How it has such an important role and what a lack of it can mean for you and your relationship. Sit back, read, relax and enjoy. As always if you have comments feel free to leave them.

The why about sex being important is more than just the obvious and face value. Yes it feels amazing and it’s a great way to release tension from you and your partner. Whether it be towards each other or the just the general ebbs and flows of life. But, there is really a tangible benefit to having sex, or better yet, making love in your relationship. When you and your partner make love, be it slow and intimate or aggressive and passionate, what you’re doing is intertwining your bodies. You’re making that connection that you have even deeper. Because you are giving your most prized possession to that person, You. It can’t be understated just how much control is relinquished in a relationship once sex becomes a normal part of the activities.

Think about it for a minute. You have that special person and y’all are happy, things are going well, the vibe is amazing, but you’ve yet to get naked and let the physical attraction take over. While there is a bond and deepness that grows and develops from the time spent, the cuddling, talking and shit, nothing sends the feelings into overdrive like giving all of you to that person. Once that happens and the two of you have made love for the first time, everything changes. It’s not the same and you can’t even try to lie about it. You have just solidified your relationship with the most special gift of all. It’s then that you really find out just how bonded the two of you are. It takes all the words you’ve spoken and promises you’ve made and made them real and actual. Because now they have a piece of you and you have a piece of them.

Now the how is a little more intricate but just as relative. If you refer back to the previous paragraphs sex is the glue that binds the two of you together. How it does that is really simple if you think about it. Most people tend to value who they give their bodies too. And if it’s relationship wise, giving of your body is really the symbolic gesture of surrendering your heart. That’s what really happens when you lay with your lover. It is the act of you giving up control. It’s the emotions being released and bound and the heart being officially being tethered to that person. You have just done what you are or aren’t ready for. Made that person in control of you and the emotions that you display towards them. No matter what is said about you always being in control of you, when you love someone we all know that doesn’t apply the same way anymore.

What it does it changes everything. It allows for there to be tension and arguments so that there can be makeup sex. The best part, to some, of sex. Being able to disagree with that person and then releasing all that heat and passion in a sexual expression. If you’re the top or the male role, then you want to pound them cheeks or puss into submission. You want to make them know that you have that dominance over the situation. You want to make them submit to you and your will. If you’re the bottom or the taker in the situation, maybe you want to be punished and pleased. You want to be dominated or you may want to dish out a little aggression of your own. Maybe you sit on top and rid your partner so you can have control of the situation. Either way it goes, the sex allows you to release the frustration and get those good feeling endorphins released.

What it also does is change the mood and tenor of the environment without needing lots of discussion or time. If the debates are relatively small in nature, however, if things are more serious, sex can have a way of greasing the skids to ease into a more difficult and complicated conversation that needs to take place. Or just remove the conversation part at all until a later time when all parties are more prepared for the conversation. What it also does is allow for you to feel that love and passion that your lover has for you. It makes you feel as good as you want to feel, and we all want to feel good because of the one we love.

Now, if your relationship is lacking in the love making department, then it can mean a few things and most all of them aren’t good. If you aren’t having sex, then you have no real release value that the two you can engage in together. You are missing that physical connection as well, which is much needed. It can be hurtful because it can cause a buildup of tension and make you feel on edge more than you should. It leads to doubts and concerns of infidelity. It can make you feel unwanted and unattractive. These are all things that you don’t want to make your lover feel and if you have this present it needs to be addressed. A lack of sex brings about feelings of uncertainty. It can also make you wonder if the person is really into the relationship. The exception to this is if the two of you have agreed to wait until marriage to have sex.

The other exception is if the person is a virgin and you’re waiting for an appropriate time that they’re comfortable to have sexy with you. In these cases the intimate time spent talking, cuddling and bonding are precious and forming the necessary groundwork for that first night.

So there you have it. My feelings on the how, what and why’s of sex. The importance and what it creates. Having it, you feel good, you’re relationship is likely in a good place. You’re environment is a good one. If the sex is bad, well that’s a whole different conversation, but at least you having it. If you lacking, well time to make some decisions and think about what you want to do. If you want to save the relationship figure out how to put that extra spark back into your love life. If you don’t let it die and get out.

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Heart Chronicles

There is one fundamental lesson that must come from allowing yourself to love again, if you’ve been heartbroken. You must learn to love yourself and more importantly, all in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone else again. I know some may think this is a no-brainer or trivial, but you would be amazed how many people skip this step or don’t fully complete this step before getting back out there. Let me tell you, if you find real love before you’ve finished doing the work on yourself, you will find yourself torn between accepting the new, while removing and disowning the past. It is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. To allow yourself to be in love with yourself again. It brings a special power with it that can’t be understated.

Falling in love with yourself again means that you have forgiven yourself for the past pain and hurt that you went through. It means that you have allowed yourself to remember just how special and deserving you are of that true and beautiful love. It also allows for the special someone to get in close to your heart. It embraces the magical moments being made, it gets caught up in the moment and doesn’t care about what happened before. It aides in removing those past memories that are taking up space in your mind, so you can make room for the amazing memories that you are currently making. What it really does is allow your soul to be replenished and your heart to feel light. Can you imagine if you are in love with someone else and not fully in love with yourself? Are you this person?

How can you be giving all of you to the next one and not appreciating the love within yourself for yourself? Honestly, this is me to a degree. The more that I find myself loving this man I’m with, the more I’m realizing my own love for myself. The more he loves on me and professes his love for me, the more I quietly profess my love for myself. The more we lay together, body to body, pulling the harmonious, loving energy from each other, the more my heart gets lighter, feels purer, embraces his unconditional love that he is providing. Sometimes, it can take for you giving all of the love you have left to someone else, and them return that love ten fold to you, for you to realize just how much you have love for the person that you are. And once you realize that, honestly it opens you up to continue to love harder and deeper. It allows you to breathe again. Enjoy the little things once more, like before.

The heart is a vessel that needs constant attention. It needs to be massaged, talked to, loved, nurtured and developed. When it gets hurt or broken, it needs to be reassured, rebuilt, comforted and protected. If all these things are done, then you have a chance at finding true love again, otherwise, you continue to falter and have false starts. Sometimes you neglect to complete all these steps before you start looking for love. Usually, that’s when that someone helps you or pushes you to want to finish the work. Because you start to feel something on the inside that you want to let blossom into the beauty that it holds. It means taking control of the fear and uncertainty and reassuring yourself that this love won’t repeat the past failed love.

Take your time, take small steps, don’t try to over do it and allow the process to follow you. When you are genuine and intentional about healing and loving, it can be accomplished at the same time. Just understand that once the veins to the heart have been opened and blood is freely flowing, you are vulnerable and no longer in control. Make sure that the man or woman that you are giving this power to and embarking on this journey with, is worth the effort. If you’re assured of that, then gear up and enjoy the journey. It just may be the last one you need to take and the one that leaves you eternally satisfied.

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Heart Chronicles

So today I come back with another situation for the heart. Think about this… What happens when you’re heart gives you mixed feelings because you get uncertain vibes from the one you love? You know I think to be honest when you’re use to having certain types of dealings with people when you get someone new that’s different it can take adjusting to. I mean when you’re heart and more so your mind is use to having certain physical actions being tied to love when it changes you get a little uncertain. There has to be a usually feeling of displacement while you figure out what other things you need to feel in order to appease the discomfort of the heart.

This is not restricted to just physical interaction. You can substitute anything there that you are use to feeling or experiencing, that changes and you wonder if that new love is the right love. I think you have to look at it a little differently. If the love of the past had worked or was correct, don’t you think you would still be with that person? I believe that you must challenge yourself sometimes when you start thinking of these things. You have to realize that you really wanted something different, which is why you ended your dealings with the last person and sought a new person. Again, lets face the facts about it. When you keep trying to get the same type of person or the same characteristics of a relationship, aren’t you being a bit insane? Some practical application of the word insane is doing the same thing and excepting a different outcome.

I write about these things because I know that I’m not the only person who has these feelings or thoughts about the emotions and dealings of the heart. I challenge you to sit and really think about it for yourself. Look at the failed relationships that you’ve had. Are you currently dating or seeking someone who is similar to who you’ve dated? Are you in the middle of the same characteristics of a past relationship? If you are, why do you think that you will have better success dating the same thing and doing the same thing over and over again? Try if you dare, to step outside the box. Do what you have never done. Feel uncomfortable and then allow yourself to go through the process of learning yourself again, but also learning new things about you and falling in love with yourself again first. Then fall in love with your partner next.

Maybe just maybe that’s the answer. Let me know what you think.

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The Heart Chronicles

I’ve decided to start this regular post because I want to speak to the truth of the matters of the heart, relationships and it all relates to the real shit of life. It can be, and usually is impossible to understand why the heart falls for certain people sometimes. It can be attributed to people being skilled wordsmiths and allowing their tongues to massage the heart, which subsequently appeases the brain for a period of time, before all the other rationales take over. It really is amazing that the heart can be such a pure beacon of goodness. It only wants to feel loved and warmth and acceptance. It wants to feel peace and happiness, and far too often people take advantage of that for their own purposes.

Additionally, people are sometimes unprepared for truly being in something that involves fully giving themselves. They use their hearts to secure the person they want, but their minds and emotions are prepared to fully engage, which usually leads to disappointment. I can’t honestly tell you what the solution to this is. Because in truth, there is no solution. You can protect yourself by having lots of guards or layers that need to be broken down before you let someone get close, but that really causes more issues than solutions. It forces someone to have to deal with red tape that could end the courtship before it even begins. It can also cause misinterpretations to be formed, because instead of getting the real person, you get numerous fake representatives.

Truth is also when you lead with the heart, you’re always going to subject yourself to heartache and trauma. When you want love and desire to have real and true love, there are always going to be people who will try and prey upon that. Yet, there will also be others who believe in that same concept, but you meet them at the wrong time and things just don’t gel well. But if that person is really meant to be yours, you will find each other. True love always wins out. Remember that the heart is a very delicate muscle. It can be very resilient, while at the same time it can also be damaged beyond repair. Be careful and choose wisely who you let get that close. Because they always take a little piece of you with them, whether it ends on good or bad terms.

If you get lucky enough to find that one early on, well then you know just how special it can make you feel. If it happens to take some time, well then you know how it feels to feel the euphoria of love and pain and hurt of failure. Speak truth to love and speak honesty to the soul. The heart will always find peace there within.

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Integrity Matters

If you know me, then you know that one thing that I stand for more than anything else is having integrity for yourself. That statement is one that should apply universally to all things and in all things that you do. Having integrity means that you should always uphold your word once you give it. It means that you should be proactive to handle matters in life and not reactive, when possible. I find it utterly amazing how many people love to talk the talk of realness and integrity, only to fall way short of those words when the actions are called for. Another thing about integrity is you can’t verbally claim it, it’s something that you must demonstrate, always and without fail.

I dare you to apply this to your life and to the people that you know, and see of the people you have kept around you, how they fit within this dynamic. Think of the folks that you have been or are in relationships with. Was integrity, or lack there of, a role in the downfall or success of the relationship. I think more now than ever, in the times we live in and with the state of the nation, people should want to be filled with as much integrity as possible. They should want to show that they are as legit and forward as can be. I will never be one to say that we will miss this mark at some point in time, because we’re all human, but the overwhelming practice should be to show this trait as often as possible.

I am one of those people who believes that when the difficult conversations and topics come to the table, that’s when you should show your integrity the most. It’s the time when you need to be the most thorough and legit as you can. Why, because just think, if you have someone who isn’t willing to be straight up or they switch up when the shit gets dicey, is that someone that you really want in the foxhole with you should things get hard in life? Do you want to have someone is only a fair weather partner? You know, someone who is great to be around when things are breezy and smooth, but flakey when things get tough? I really believe that more relationships fail due in some part to this trait lacking in its existence.

I really feel strongly about the need to talk openly and forwardly from the beginning. I think that when you show yourself to be the same no matter good days or bad, it gives a confidence, a reassurance of the stability that you can count on from someone. It also allows you to be seen as reliable and dependable. I can’t tell you how important this becomes to a relationship when times get tough or just when people try to throw trash into your space to disrupt what you’re trying to build. To be honest, your integrity is for your partner as much as it’s for yourself. What it gives them is trust in you and your word. And if that isn’t one of the most important, if not the most important thing then I don’t know what is.

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A letter to the heart

Sometimes in life you have to take a moment to be honest and real with yourself. You have to take some time to speak to your heart from your heart. I that sounds crazy or you ask how the hell can you both from your heart and to your heart. Well, I think that speaking from the heart means your speaking genuinely and without hesitation. That you’re being as honest and open as you can with yourself. Speaking to your heart means that you’re really talking to yourself. Giving yourself the honest opinion and advice as you see it from your eyes, think it from your mind, and feel it from your body. In a way it’s a sort of validation or contradiction of things felt by yourself. You give clarity, as best you can, to things that you feel.

It is imperative, in my view, that you have this kind of honest discussion with yourself on a regular basis. It is needed if you to have a full and grounded approach to life. It’s necessary for you to be able to be considerate of yourself and others. It’s a way for you to have the necessary control of yourself and emotions/feelings that’s required. Honestly, for me this is usually one of the toughest assignments that I give to myself. Sometimes, because I have so many different feelings and thoughts that I’m not sure which to really give energy and voice to and which to just ignore and let go because they really need to be let go. It is also because I have often times struggled with handing the deep emotional parts of life that are brought forward.

I also struggle with this when it comes to dealing with people because I have no real ability to know the thoughts and feelings of someone else, other than what they tell me. When trying to have appropriate rationale of someone else if you don’t really have their full, honest and open disposition you will always be wrong. You must be comfortable with making decisions that are hard even when you aren’t sure. You have to trust and rely on the knowledge built up and the feel you have amassed for people and situations to get you through this time. You can never really allow yourself to let your heart have full control a matter unless you are ready for anything that may come of it. Being vulnerable enough to let your heart be exposed is something that can lead to tremendous heartache, but it also lead to amazing reward.

The heart is something that you can never take for granted. You don’t get another one once it’s been broken beyond repair. You are always changed every time you give yourself to someone and they break your heart. You are always different with each emotional let down and disappointment. I think the fair thing to do is assess how you feel on a weekly and monthly basis. Allow yourself room to adjust as things affect you in different ways. Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you need to move past some things in order to make room for other things. Make sure you have a full understanding of the dynamics surrounding you. It is very important that you have a real life understanding of what’s going on and not simply going off the discomfort you may be feeling. Take time to breathe and allow the peace and quiet to help analyze things for yourself. Make sure you’re being fair to both parties involved.

It is an extremely scary situation once your heart is involved because you that you can’t easily pull it back. You know that once you involve all the emotions and feelings that are associated with a vulnerable heart, you will allow for mistakes to be made that need to happen in order to grow. It doesn’t mean your allowing your red lines to be crossed nor does it mean you should allow for yourself to be taken advantage of or have a feeling of being less than. It means you know that you’re going to have to deal with imbalance and inequality here and there. It means that you’re going to have to be mindful to determine whether or not the relationship is mutually beneficial as it should be. It means that you will have to be open to the possibility of things ending suddenly. It means you will have to be open to the possibility of things changing and adapting to that change.

It can also mean that you experience a level of happiness and pleasure that you’ve never felt before. It means that you have to willing to accept that pure and unconditional love can be given to you and you have to accept it. It means that you have to be willing to allow your partner to have control sometimes, in order to allow for you to feel the comfort of their protection as well. In order for you to have all the things that your heart desires and you have dreamed of, you will have to relinquish full control. You must allow for someone to love you deeply in their own way. For them to show you they love and care you for you in a way that feels comfortable for them, but is reassuring for you too. Passion and intimacy and love are things that come with time and feeling and comfort.

These are things that can’t really be defined with time. They aren’t equally or universally shown the same way. It requires a finesse of the heart. It requires you to take yourself out of the equation of satisfaction and put your partner first and allow them to satisfy you. It means telling your partner what makes you feel good and how you like to be treated, so that they can figure out how to do it in their way to you so that you feel the love. And so that you know the love is real and legitimate from them. I know that all of this seems so complicated and at times frustrating. But that is part of what love is. That is part of what leading with your heart means. It takes the thoughts from the mind filter them through your heart. There is a real solid chance that it will lead to varying degrees of happiness and sadness. You may feel disappointed and surprised. All of these things are normal and should be allowed to happen.

The goal is that with time and communication and practice, it will become normal to feel the good. Abnormal to feel the pain or disappointment and regular for the love and romance and passion to be on display. These things happening means that the love is real. That the heart is being exercised and the feelings are freely flowing. Good, bad, great, disappointment. All these words will be used at one time or another. Accept them all, embrace them all. Learn from the unhappy words, bask in the positive ones and hopefully a life full of memories and love will follow.