lifestyle

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Gays of Our Lives

This is a conversation that is near and dear to my soul, I think it’s one that all of us the LGBTQ+ community need to have and understand. Being gay in any way, whether your lesbian, bisexual, transgender or just gay doesn’t mean that you have to conform to any of the norms of society. This will focus more on men than women, but I will address that community as well.

Please understand that being gay doesn’t mean that you aren’t a man. It doesn’t mean that you are any less of a man if you aren’t the most masculine man either. It needs and should be understood that a man is not and will not be defined by how deep your voice it. Nor will it be defined by how muscular you are. It will not be defined by how straight-acting you are or how athletically gifted you are. Being a man is more a definition of what you stand for. What do you do? Are you a man who takes care of your responsibilities? Do you handle yourself with respect? Are you honest with people and do you honor the word that you give? Do you make an honest day’s work out of yourself? These are the things that are the definitions of being a man.

I get so annoyed with people both inside and outside of the community that continuously judge being a man by what you look like or how hard you act. It is a fundamental flaw and it is a stereotype that destroys the fabric the community. We aren’t heterosexual people and we should not be holding each other to those standards. But, all too often we look at each other with the same prejudgment as those who want to discredit our equality with them. Far too many times gay dudes always get caught up in wanting the thug or the trade boy. The DL hard boy or the strict top who’s overly masculine. Don’t mistake me, everyone has a right to like what they like, but damn I know everyone doesn’t want the same thing.

This urge to get the manly nigga just so that you get cred or you catch a break from others because you’re feminine or you’re too scared to live your truth so you need another manish dude in order to hide your true teas better. It’s sad and unfortunate. Truth is in this community there are so many different types of dudes and they all deserve the love and recognition for being a man just like the masculine acting man does. Being a feminine guy doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you the embodiment of a man. They live in their truth and accept all the things that come with it. Being an in between man, one who is both masculine and feminine is just as much a man too. They accept that they split tendencies are and proud of it. They are definitely a man. Being a butch queen or a bear or a twink or geek or nerd or athlete or any other description of a gay male is just as legitimate for being a man as any other description.

Instead of knocking someone for what they aren’t or who they can’t portray, support each other for who we are. For being adult and man enough to live the truth of ourselves. When we do that, then we don’t have so many men who are afraid to come out the closet. Show them that there is love for them no matter where they land on the gay man spectrum and maybe they will find the strength to face their families and friends who may not be as accepting. To that end, to the heterosexual community, stop trying to make us all be the same. Gay men are unique. We are equal and we are created, just like you, in God’s image. The bible can’t be used as a judgment text. Because all of us are guilty of something in the bible that says we shouldn’t do certain things.

When will people understand that gay people have been around since the beginning of time. We aren’t just people who popped up out the blue. We trace back to the beginning of time. There needs to be a meeting of the minds that acceptance is needed. We don’t have to agree on the merits of whether or not it’s a choice, but we should agree that we’re human and deserve the same respect that is given to you. The same needs to be said for the lesbian community.

Women aren’t just defined by who is more womanlike or who has more of a butch like quality. They should be and are defined by do they carry themselves with the style and grace of a woman? Do they have the compassion and grace and substance of a woman? Do they love and show the empathy of a woman? Just like a man struggles with the acceptance of himself because of the personality and demeanor he carries, a woman has the same issues. She should not be told that she needs to act more like a lady or woman, because she is a ton boy or because she carries herself in a more masculine fashion.

If she chooses to be more butch, more power to her. If she chooses to wear heals and fashioned down to the tea more power to her. Both iterations are women, strong and vibrant and deserve to be admonished as such. Give them their just due and stop trying to position them in a box to fit the label of the hetero world. Women deserve the room to fit on the pendulum wherever they desire and they shouldn’t be pressured to do anything else.

The beauty of being a gay man or woman is just that. We are not the baseline. We are not the norm or the standard. We are beautiful rainbows that can express ourselves any way that we see fit. We can be on one end of the spectrum today and on another tomorrow and all still be within the per view of being a man or woman. Masculine man stand tall, feminine man stand tall, butch queen stand tall, in between man stand tall, fem queen stand tall, bears, stud stand tall, fem stand tall, stem stand tall. All of these types and any that were missed stand tall together. We are the gays and proud of it. We should be celebrated for who we are and what we are. Love and peace to us all.

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Foreplay All Day

One of the best things you can do to get and keep your romance sparked is to have a healthy dose of foreplay. Nothing gets the mood right like doing things to turn each other on and keep things fresh. If you know anything about what it does, foreplay sets the tone for how things go. It is a sort of mind fucking that stimulates the body. No matter if the sex happens the same day or the next, when you allow yourself to be turned on and teased by your lover it only makes things better.

I think that foreplay, when done right and engaged by both parties, makes the relationship keep a sense of the unexpected. It has a way of making the day better when you least expect it to be. It can also be the thing that turns a good sex session into an amazing sex session. There has to be some understanding though about how far to take it. Make sure you know the level of freak that your partner has. Have a full understanding of what they deem to be acceptable to them. Nothing can ruin a mood more than having a lover who is super freaky and kinky and one who is… more basic or traditional. This can lead to awkward sexual foreplay, which can then lead to disappointing or uninspiring sex.

Also, be open minded when you choose to have foreplay with your lover. Don’t be afraid to show some skin, or if you’re together, get naked and lay up together. More than that, use your mouth, tongue, lips and hands on each other. Let that lead into the more intense moments of sex that happen between you two. Maybe just leave it at swapping head on each other. Let that take you over into the next day. Then do something else and something after that. Let the tension and heat build until you can’t take anymore and then let it all out. Explore and enjoy all the elements and levels of sex. Fuck until you have nothing left and let that aura and vibe engulf you and your lover. Bask in the afterglow of amazing sex, inspired by great foreplay.

People, you must understand that sometimes great sex is all about what’s done leading up to the sex, as much as it is the sex. Often times if you’ve been with someone for a while, just getting right to fucking may solve the primary itch, but the foreplay keeps it spicy. It can also reinvigorate your love life it it’s gone a little sour and stale. It can also keep your sex life from getting to that point, if you’re willing to be eventful and take a few fun risks. Explore the depths of your sexuality together. Nothing brings people closer than trying new things together. Can you imagine having oral sex in your vehicle in broad daylight? Playing around with each other in the park. Just think about the rush that would give and how much fun it would be.

As I’ve sat here and written this blog, I’ve given you reasons why you should allow yourself to be adventurous and have a robust foreplay life with your partner. I’ve also given you reasons why it works and why it might not. Hopefully your mind is open and hopefully your partner has a freak streak in them too. If so, experiment and explore. Love and let love. Foreplay all day

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Gay Isn’t Traditional

So, the title is meant to encompass the entire community. The LGBTQ+, but that isn’t as catchy as just the simple opening title. Now, lets get into what I mean by this and how it applies to the daily shits of life. Many relationships in the community seems to have a basis in the traditional male and female relationship. There has to be a masculine, dominant one and a submissive more feminine one. Now, most times that is going to come to pass because people are typically split as type A or Alpha people and the type B or submissive people. The natural dynamics of human interaction says that the outgoing person tends to date a more low key type person. The alpha tends to want a submissive type and fill in the blanks in between.

Why is this important? Because too many people assume that the looks of a guy determine what he is in his relationship. That’s usually the funniest and most inaccurate thing that you can judge from. Now yes, there are some guys that will openly show you who they are. But it doesn’t always mean that it follows that script all the time. For example if a feminine dressed or personality type is out in public, most people also assume that he is a bottom and submissive in his relationship. While that sometimes is true, there are more times than not, that it’s not the entire truth. Sometimes he’s the more dominant one and the bottom or the submissive one and the top and sometimes they do both and want both.

Furthermore, when it comes to getting married, there is this assumption that things go traditionally and the engagement as well. Most tend to follow this, but those that are current and present, realize that it isn’t necessary to follow a heterosexual script, because we’re gay not traditional. I’ve long since said that I am not a traditional guy. I don’t intend to have a typical wedding where only one person is being walked down the aisle. Also, I don’t want an engagement where only one of us gets to have that special moment. I think we each deserve to be proposed to and say yes to this engagement. I wish more in the community stopped thinking like we’re the same as straight couples. We have the same rights yes, but we also have the right to make our own dynamics.

One thing that I’ve appreciated so much about my current boyfriend, is that we have embraced the idea of being nontraditional. We agree that each should get their special proposal. We agree that we both should be walked down the aisle by our person of choice. While we do have some dynamics that are similar to hetero couples, such as the masculated and feminated dynamics with regards to character traits, but there can be a blend at times. We have many moments where we both exhibit feminine traits and masculine traits. It’s truly the part of this relationship that makes things unpredictable. Because for us, we both have big personalities. We embrace the fact that there is no ultra male or female here. We know what roles we typically tend to portray and we love who we are.

Being gay is awesome in my opinion. While we are still struggling for acceptance and we struggle as men to be fully accepted, for us it’s amazing. We can write our own rules. We don’t have to play by the norms for society just because someone wants to put us in a box. We have the right to determine what is normal for us and have no problem braking the molds that are predetermined. I hope that many of you out there that are in this community understand this concept. Embrace your difference, love your individualism and reject the urge to be boxed into a group or painted with a broad brush. Gay is not traditional. Gay is not a relic. It is very much so contemporary and progressive and growing. Think of yourself as a blank canvas and paint whatever portrait you want the world and those around you to see.

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Heart Chronicles

So today I come back with another situation for the heart. Think about this… What happens when you’re heart gives you mixed feelings because you get uncertain vibes from the one you love? You know I think to be honest when you’re use to having certain types of dealings with people when you get someone new that’s different it can take adjusting to. I mean when you’re heart and more so your mind is use to having certain physical actions being tied to love when it changes you get a little uncertain. There has to be a usually feeling of displacement while you figure out what other things you need to feel in order to appease the discomfort of the heart.

This is not restricted to just physical interaction. You can substitute anything there that you are use to feeling or experiencing, that changes and you wonder if that new love is the right love. I think you have to look at it a little differently. If the love of the past had worked or was correct, don’t you think you would still be with that person? I believe that you must challenge yourself sometimes when you start thinking of these things. You have to realize that you really wanted something different, which is why you ended your dealings with the last person and sought a new person. Again, lets face the facts about it. When you keep trying to get the same type of person or the same characteristics of a relationship, aren’t you being a bit insane? Some practical application of the word insane is doing the same thing and excepting a different outcome.

I write about these things because I know that I’m not the only person who has these feelings or thoughts about the emotions and dealings of the heart. I challenge you to sit and really think about it for yourself. Look at the failed relationships that you’ve had. Are you currently dating or seeking someone who is similar to who you’ve dated? Are you in the middle of the same characteristics of a past relationship? If you are, why do you think that you will have better success dating the same thing and doing the same thing over and over again? Try if you dare, to step outside the box. Do what you have never done. Feel uncomfortable and then allow yourself to go through the process of learning yourself again, but also learning new things about you and falling in love with yourself again first. Then fall in love with your partner next.

Maybe just maybe that’s the answer. Let me know what you think.

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Integrity Matters

If you know me, then you know that one thing that I stand for more than anything else is having integrity for yourself. That statement is one that should apply universally to all things and in all things that you do. Having integrity means that you should always uphold your word once you give it. It means that you should be proactive to handle matters in life and not reactive, when possible. I find it utterly amazing how many people love to talk the talk of realness and integrity, only to fall way short of those words when the actions are called for. Another thing about integrity is you can’t verbally claim it, it’s something that you must demonstrate, always and without fail.

I dare you to apply this to your life and to the people that you know, and see of the people you have kept around you, how they fit within this dynamic. Think of the folks that you have been or are in relationships with. Was integrity, or lack there of, a role in the downfall or success of the relationship. I think more now than ever, in the times we live in and with the state of the nation, people should want to be filled with as much integrity as possible. They should want to show that they are as legit and forward as can be. I will never be one to say that we will miss this mark at some point in time, because we’re all human, but the overwhelming practice should be to show this trait as often as possible.

I am one of those people who believes that when the difficult conversations and topics come to the table, that’s when you should show your integrity the most. It’s the time when you need to be the most thorough and legit as you can. Why, because just think, if you have someone who isn’t willing to be straight up or they switch up when the shit gets dicey, is that someone that you really want in the foxhole with you should things get hard in life? Do you want to have someone is only a fair weather partner? You know, someone who is great to be around when things are breezy and smooth, but flakey when things get tough? I really believe that more relationships fail due in some part to this trait lacking in its existence.

I really feel strongly about the need to talk openly and forwardly from the beginning. I think that when you show yourself to be the same no matter good days or bad, it gives a confidence, a reassurance of the stability that you can count on from someone. It also allows you to be seen as reliable and dependable. I can’t tell you how important this becomes to a relationship when times get tough or just when people try to throw trash into your space to disrupt what you’re trying to build. To be honest, your integrity is for your partner as much as it’s for yourself. What it gives them is trust in you and your word. And if that isn’t one of the most important, if not the most important thing then I don’t know what is.

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A letter to the heart

Sometimes in life you have to take a moment to be honest and real with yourself. You have to take some time to speak to your heart from your heart. I that sounds crazy or you ask how the hell can you both from your heart and to your heart. Well, I think that speaking from the heart means your speaking genuinely and without hesitation. That you’re being as honest and open as you can with yourself. Speaking to your heart means that you’re really talking to yourself. Giving yourself the honest opinion and advice as you see it from your eyes, think it from your mind, and feel it from your body. In a way it’s a sort of validation or contradiction of things felt by yourself. You give clarity, as best you can, to things that you feel.

It is imperative, in my view, that you have this kind of honest discussion with yourself on a regular basis. It is needed if you to have a full and grounded approach to life. It’s necessary for you to be able to be considerate of yourself and others. It’s a way for you to have the necessary control of yourself and emotions/feelings that’s required. Honestly, for me this is usually one of the toughest assignments that I give to myself. Sometimes, because I have so many different feelings and thoughts that I’m not sure which to really give energy and voice to and which to just ignore and let go because they really need to be let go. It is also because I have often times struggled with handing the deep emotional parts of life that are brought forward.

I also struggle with this when it comes to dealing with people because I have no real ability to know the thoughts and feelings of someone else, other than what they tell me. When trying to have appropriate rationale of someone else if you don’t really have their full, honest and open disposition you will always be wrong. You must be comfortable with making decisions that are hard even when you aren’t sure. You have to trust and rely on the knowledge built up and the feel you have amassed for people and situations to get you through this time. You can never really allow yourself to let your heart have full control a matter unless you are ready for anything that may come of it. Being vulnerable enough to let your heart be exposed is something that can lead to tremendous heartache, but it also lead to amazing reward.

The heart is something that you can never take for granted. You don’t get another one once it’s been broken beyond repair. You are always changed every time you give yourself to someone and they break your heart. You are always different with each emotional let down and disappointment. I think the fair thing to do is assess how you feel on a weekly and monthly basis. Allow yourself room to adjust as things affect you in different ways. Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you need to move past some things in order to make room for other things. Make sure you have a full understanding of the dynamics surrounding you. It is very important that you have a real life understanding of what’s going on and not simply going off the discomfort you may be feeling. Take time to breathe and allow the peace and quiet to help analyze things for yourself. Make sure you’re being fair to both parties involved.

It is an extremely scary situation once your heart is involved because you that you can’t easily pull it back. You know that once you involve all the emotions and feelings that are associated with a vulnerable heart, you will allow for mistakes to be made that need to happen in order to grow. It doesn’t mean your allowing your red lines to be crossed nor does it mean you should allow for yourself to be taken advantage of or have a feeling of being less than. It means you know that you’re going to have to deal with imbalance and inequality here and there. It means that you’re going to have to be mindful to determine whether or not the relationship is mutually beneficial as it should be. It means that you will have to be open to the possibility of things ending suddenly. It means you will have to be open to the possibility of things changing and adapting to that change.

It can also mean that you experience a level of happiness and pleasure that you’ve never felt before. It means that you have to willing to accept that pure and unconditional love can be given to you and you have to accept it. It means that you have to be willing to allow your partner to have control sometimes, in order to allow for you to feel the comfort of their protection as well. In order for you to have all the things that your heart desires and you have dreamed of, you will have to relinquish full control. You must allow for someone to love you deeply in their own way. For them to show you they love and care you for you in a way that feels comfortable for them, but is reassuring for you too. Passion and intimacy and love are things that come with time and feeling and comfort.

These are things that can’t really be defined with time. They aren’t equally or universally shown the same way. It requires a finesse of the heart. It requires you to take yourself out of the equation of satisfaction and put your partner first and allow them to satisfy you. It means telling your partner what makes you feel good and how you like to be treated, so that they can figure out how to do it in their way to you so that you feel the love. And so that you know the love is real and legitimate from them. I know that all of this seems so complicated and at times frustrating. But that is part of what love is. That is part of what leading with your heart means. It takes the thoughts from the mind filter them through your heart. There is a real solid chance that it will lead to varying degrees of happiness and sadness. You may feel disappointed and surprised. All of these things are normal and should be allowed to happen.

The goal is that with time and communication and practice, it will become normal to feel the good. Abnormal to feel the pain or disappointment and regular for the love and romance and passion to be on display. These things happening means that the love is real. That the heart is being exercised and the feelings are freely flowing. Good, bad, great, disappointment. All these words will be used at one time or another. Accept them all, embrace them all. Learn from the unhappy words, bask in the positive ones and hopefully a life full of memories and love will follow.

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To forgive don’t mean forget

This is an aged old discussion and advice that’s been given from generation to generation, but I keep hearing it come back and I’m not sure why people continue to equate the two. When someone tells you that for your sanity or your betterment you need to forgive someone, they aren’t saying that you need to forget what that person did to you as well. And, conversely if you are told to forget something, it’s saying that it needs to be forgiven either. It might just mean in order to move to the next stage of a situation you need to forget something that was done so you can focus on the healing or whatever it is that you’re trying to get through.

Lets really revisit this forgiving part. I really think it bears further discussion and understanding why you might be told to forgive someone for something that has been done. To actually forgive the person is a means for you to allow yourself to move on from a hurtful or negative action that was done against you. It has to be understood that when you allow yourself to forgive someone, you are actually taking power and control back from that person. Forgiveness says that you will no longer dwell on the situation. It says that you are allowing yourself to excuse you for allowing or permitting that person to hurt or wrong you in the first place. That in itself is where the power and control lies.

It’s my feeling that when you hold that grudge or hostility towards someone for something that they did to you, in reality what you are doing is giving them a measure of control against you. As long as that venom and disdain is allowed to fester inside you that person will be able to alter your emotional and likely mental state with their presence or words that are spoken to you. Lots of times, it impacts the personal aspects of your life. It can impact your relationship, if you’re in one, because it can allow that past person to impact your present situation. I think that’s the reason that most times when asked for advice from someone who is freshly out of a relationship, the first thing I suggest they do is take time to forgive themselves and the person who hurt them, if the relationship ended because of betrayal or hurt.

It becomes a sticking point for people when they either don’t want to, or know how to properly forgive and let go of their past. It keeps them somewhat bound to that past situation and person. It can and usually does how you interact with the current person and it usually prevents that person from being able to really get close to you and have the full understanding of you as an individual because the past is staining the present and future. Again, though it bears repeating and mentioning again, if you are ever told to forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you have to forget what they did. This is more important if you are still going to be with that person and you don’t want to lose them. You need to pay even more attention to that statement. It doesn’t mean that you disregard your feelings or ignore what was done to make you feel that way. It means you allow for change and growth to happen.

How many times have you told someone that you want to get over something they did to you, and you say you forgave them, but you didn’t really let it go? What it means to forgive is it means you let the situation pass. You move forward and look to rebuild whatever bond was damaged as a result. It means that you have to allow yourself to put the issue to the back of your mind so that it isn’t a focus. You should remember that it happened, but allow it to have a seat in the rear, only to be looked at if things don’t improve, not as a constant sword held to the other persons throat. Nor should it be your crutch that you use to enable your anger or hurt to linger. Once you’ve had time to process the hurt, have your allowed feelings and emotions, once you’re ready to move on forgive. Forgive, not forget and move on. It will be necessary. A clean break is just that, if you’re moving past something you need a clean break or else it will only make things worse. So if you want someone, forgive the deed, forgive the person, forgive yourself and remember what it felt like. That way you don’t keep going thru it over and over.

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Companionship.. You Got It?

Another one of the more overlooked and underappreciated elements within a relationship is the companionship piece. That seems to be something that people often lump together with sex, but in reality it’s its own dynamic. To have someone be your companion to me, is like having that person who sees things similarly to you. They have a personality that meshes with yours. They love being in your presence as much as you do. You can have easy and open talks. You love just hanging around and interacting with each other. You like being cuddled up and laid up together. There is an aura of bliss that seems to permeate the air when you are together bonding. These are things that bring the companionship part out of your relationship.

It generally has nothing to do with the physical acts and elements of the relationship. It can however, be a catalyst to passionate, deeply intimate sex when it happens. Don’t believe me, just try it out. Allow the day to just flow to you instead of forcing it upon you. Let the relationship have the air to breathe and the energy to thrive. If you have a true companion, you guys can have dinner together and just talk about the bullshit of the day or talk about things that you don’t know about the other. Growing closer and bonding, all while just being the others companion. Watch movies together, go take a walk in the park. Do the little things that make you want to be around each other all the time.

Can you see yourself being quarantined with the person. In the current climate that we’re living in, if you’re being safe and protecting yourself, then you and that person may be seeing a lot of each other or none of each other. If you know that you can’t be without that person, it’s very reasonable to assume that not only are they your lover, but they’re also your companion. A companion is needed in my mind for your relationship to be really successful. Many folks love their partner, but don’t always enjoy being with their partners. They love the sex they provide, they love the stability or security they provide, but not really the companionship they offer. I wonder why that is for some. Is it because you don’t have a lot in common? Is it because you have taken the time to develop that bond? Is it because you just have that strong a desire for the dynamic or do you just use your friends to fulfil that part for you? Whatever it is, I think the relationship is done a disservice if you don’t include that part.

Now, back to my previous point. If you want to know how the companionship part can make your sex life even better, try having a date night. Try just laying around with just the two of you, talking having fun, playing with each other. Then just let the night come to you. See how intimate and special it feels. Try softly kissing and touching on your partner and see how their body feels and reacts to you. I’m sure that the night will take a different feel and subsequently your sex as a whole will have more connection that you think. What do you think?

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Are They Your Forever?

One of the questions I have thought about over time is whether or not people are really legit when they say that they want someone to be their forever. In other words, they want to find that person that will be their last. Their last relationship, their last time having to date and learn someone on that level. The last time they have to lay with someone in bed. The last person that they will ever have sex with again. The last person to share those lifelong and life lasting moments with. I’m not sure that people really have an appreciate for the magnitude and weight that saying that statement carries.

I feel as though in this world there is a gross underappreciation for telling someone you want to be with them forever. That is to me the most life defining moment in terms of love and happiness. There is no more clear and definitive way to express love for someone than to say you want to be with them until you die. For some, they want that to continue to the afterlife as well. I wonder just how many people are truly ready for that which they speak out loud. I think it’s worthy of digging a little deeper to understand why people use that phrase as a ploy and manipulation, rather than actually wanting to hold to its meaning.

You know if you want to be honest, if you say that you are in love with someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you also want them to be your forever. As we know in life, love seems to be far more fleeting in this decade than it was previously. People are far more comfortable uttering that word out of their mouth to someone, even if they really aren’t prepared to act upon the seriousness of that word. It means something deeper and more powerful when you can look someone in their eyes and that I want you to be my forever. I want you to be the one that gets my everlasting love. That you can look at that person and say that my love is truly unconditional and never ending. That you want to make every decision of the rest of your life with and for that individual, along with yourself.

It is very uncharacteristic for people to say that these days. Normally, the average person will tell you they love you. Or they will say that they’re in love with you. Words that while definitely not taken lightly, again don’t have the same infinite and life changing as being called someone’s forever. I just wonder how many people have really had that person come in their lives and they realize it and accept it with the openness that is required. Do you even want to have that type of bond and relationship with someone, that you can say that they are your forever. That you will never desire another man or woman for the rest of you life. That you are happy, content, satisfied and comfortable with walking into eternal life with that person.

Honestly, I’ve thought about this a few times and while it has been a thought in my mind maybe once or twice regarding individuals, I never took it as a serious measure until now. Now, I think that for the first time I can truly say that my forever man is here and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Listening to him express that love for me and that definitiveness that he has taken his place as the one in my life for the rest of my life never made me more proud and ecstatic. I can honestly say that this is the first time that someone has said those words to me. That someone unprompted and unafraid expressed their endless and deeply personal and passionate love for me. It gave me a new understanding for what it means to truly be in love with someone and have someone be in love with me.

This man has everything I need and want in a spouse. He has given me every reassurance of his love and dedication to me. His soul seems to be connected to mines, his heart is interwoven with mines and our lives are forever linked as one. When that day comes that the official markings of this union are given, it will be something that I’ve never experienced before and something I will never experience again. This man is my forever and I am his. I challenge you to take time and think about if you want a forever partner or if you already have one. Share a story if you dare. Keep the conversation going.

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Loving Your Truth

Here we are deep into the year 2020 and we still have a very big issue within society, but more specifically, the black gay community at large, people aren’t willing to be their authentic selves and live in their truth. Listen, I understand all the different forces that are present that can make it problematic for some to do that. From family to financial to religious and on down the line, but in reality it’s all smoke and mirrors. The thing that matters the most is are you at peace and comfortable with yourself. Are you loving your truth and living in it? If you aren’t may I suggest that you find the will and courage and strength to do so, before you end up lonely or worse off dead.

There have been scores of black transgender women being slain across America. It’s sad and heartbreaking. It is tragic and in large parts avoidable. I understand that there is a section of people who don’t accept, understand or respect the transgender community, but also there are numerous transgender folks who are being honest with the tea and it costing them their lives. Let me say this for the record, I don’t give a damn how unclockable or passable you are. Just because you have the face and body to pass as a woman, if you still swinging dick between you thighs, then you need to let whatever nigga you about lay wit know that you are a man underneath it all. That is the only fair and respectable way to approach this situation.

It doesn’t matter if you think or know that the man won’t be interested in you any longer because you share the same parts that he got. The thing is, are you more worried about snatching that straight dude or are you worried about keeping your life? If you get the man but he gets your life, was it worth it in the end? There is never going to be any understanding for me on that front. I don’t like seeing my transgender brothers and sisters killed senselessly and so violently, primarily because they refuse to be upfront and tell them who they are underneath the clothes. Love is hard to come by I know. The dick you want may not be what you get by being you, I get that. But again, what do you value more? A dick that might be community or your life that only exists for you?

This love of truth is not only restricted to that either. You should embrace all the facets of you and who you are no matter be they popular or unpopular. Whether they attract or repel the crowd. Don’t be out here faking, broadcasting yourself as one type of individual, when you know that you’re something else. That too, is disingenuous and misleading. It can cause someone to like you or fall for you that really isn’t you. It allows you to draw someone in to you only for you to switch it up and give them something that they didn’t sign up for or agree to. People in this day and age have to accept that being you is far more attractive than lying about who you are only to get what you want.

If you struggle with something admit that up front. When you talk of your likes and dislikes, be honest and forward. The truth is bound to come out, the actions are bound to show the real and you can’t get upset at someone for choosing to go another direction because who they thought they were going to be with, was not who ultimately they got. I am unapologetic in the directness with which I give my character to the world. I have learned and accepted that all of me is just what it is. The good and the not so good. The flaws and all the things that come with me are just as accepting as all the things you like. I make no bones about my struggles, I don’t hide from the dark creases that part of me reside in either. I make it known that for me I like sex in my relationship early and regularly. I don’t hide the fact that I love affection and conversation. I make it clear that I’m eccentric and have a big personality too.

Conversely, it’s known that I’m bipolar and struggle with depression and anxiety. I am open about my trust issues and the hardened exterior I’ve created to protect myself. I am straightforward when I say that I don’t cut corners when speaking. I say that which I think and comes to my mind. I don’t bend the arch in favor of anyone or anything but fairness. I am not the smartest in the room, but I got plenty of intellect and my street savoy is sharp. I don’t pretend to tell you I like everything because I don’t and I will never tell you that I’m liked by or meant for anyone because I’m not. I know that I have baggage but I don’t give it to the next. I always internalize and handle with care as not to drench my partner with the stains of my past. Just know that I’m attune to it all and I pay attention to everything. I don’t speak on it all at one time, but the mind captures it all like a vault. Waiting until the appropriate time to release it’s findings and discuss.

See when you live in and love your truth you can do these things. You can be unapologetically you. You can pay attention to the people and things in your surrounding and not feel as though your hypocritical because that most of means that you have paid attention to yourself first. You are able to know what is causing you unrest and tension and you are able to seek it out and resolve that conflict to the best of your ability. Love yourself and love your truth. It may mean spending time alone with yourself resolving issues of past hurts and pains. It may mean accepting that life dealt you somethings that you have to overcome. But it will always mean that whomever you have encounters with will all have to say one. That you are real and authentic in yourself. They may not like you, and that’s ok, but they will respect you because it’s authentically you.