The Great Black Divide

Now listen most of what I’m about to say is nothing new and probably been said before. My hope that my framing of it will cause you to think a little harder, reflect a little deeper, respect each other a little better, and cause some unity, if only for a moment, to advance the cause.

I’ve seen all over social media since the historic decision on Friday, a call to arms of all different groups. From White Conservatives, to Black Conversations, to liberals of all persuasions and I can’t forget the moderates who keep the whole damn world sane..LOL

But there is a schism that exists in the Black Community that’s preventing us to really achieve more the unilateral improvements we all wish for that we see occurring for other groups. The primary reason for this is because we aren’t able to come together long enough and in large enough numbers to truly affect things and bring change.

See we are so controlled by the damn dollar and being distracted by trying to look like White people in order to beat White people that we can’t ever come together to get things done. We love to run and hide behind “traditions” as our reasoning for so much, but I challenge you to tell me what traditions you speak of that are inherent to us. Because if you take a few moments to think, what you’re really talking about are the White conditioned traditions that we have gravitated towards.

The Black Church has become a Capitalistic vessel because it decided to lay in bed with the White Mans money, rather than continue the work to uplift its people and champion the causes that lead to equality. We as a people became so fixated on the division within the Church once the pastors starting preaching exclusion instead of inclusion, that we too turned on each other and stopped looking our different skin tones, unique accents, alternative lifestyles as opportunities to learn and unite, and instead used them to divide and tear down.

We must learn that it’s not up to President Obama to make the way for us. It’s not up to Politicians, who are just trying to keep their jobs, to make the way for us. It ultimately is up to us. We have to learn how to take queues from my LGBTQ community and come together enough to affect change. Don’t think that our community is peaches and cream because we spend more damn time tearing each other down and fucking up own images than we do building them. But, we do know how to come together for a cause as well.

Black people we gotta stop being so damn gullible. We must learn that we are all beautiful and amazing despite our different skin tones and accents and choice of clothing and lovers. We must realize that we have so much power in our midst that if we just stopped fighting we could have so much power. We are our biggest detractors. We are our biggest road block. We are our own worst enemies. Instead of us embracing our differences and coming together around our commonalities, we spend time bickering about which section of us is right and which is wrong.

It’s a shame that religion has torn us apart because so many Black Christians hide behind destructive religious teachings instead of learning the text and its context and meanings for themselves. We are damaging ourselves so much that we just accept the endless hurt and killings. We kill each other over drugs, money, men and women, but won’t come together to make sure we can be power players at the table to increase our access to the money so we don’t need to kill over it.

Black people wake up, where mom or dad is there or not, you are a strong person with power in your mind and heart. There is power waiting for all of us, if we step up and just accept the call to arms instead of deferring it to those who need to profit in order to speak for us. Gay or straight, thug or geek, athlete or business person, we are all one people fighting to advance. Lets join together and make some shit happen.

Wake up

The Social Media THOT

As much as I appreciate social media and what it has done for making communication easier, I’m equally as annoyed at how many people use it to feed their THOT like habits. I mean don’t get me wrong, I think on the whole most people do not need social media to be a THOT, but the easy availability to reach the masses seems to have made a generation of Thirsty Social Media people.

I use Facebook as my primary example. I tend to limit the amount of time I spend on there because it’s so many people, A. spilling their guts on their lives, B. soliciting people for sex or C. a combination of the two. Now many will disagree with me that if you seem to spend all your time posting half naked, or naked photos of yourself, or if you are spending most of your time telling the world your problems or how much you want x, y, or z, that you are being a social media THOT, but if you take the time to actually think about it, you will see it’s true.

Lets think about it, why else would have an incessant need to keep showing the world your body if you not trying to get attention? And what kills me is when folks are called on it, the first thing that they want to say is well you know it’s my profile and if I want to show it off so what? My response to that is, you’re thirsty and you want attention. Because I’m sure there are plenty of other things you can do aside from keeping showing your half naked body or your dick print through your underwear to get attention.

Last time I checked there are A PLENTY of sites and apps out there for exposing yourself and getting the attention that you want. And I also say the same thing about people who feel oh so inclined to tell the world about why your dude or woman is the best thing on the planet every day. It’s not needed. Plus, I don’t really think people care about how much sex you having with them and what they doing that the last one didn’t. Once again, more thirst.

See what I learned a long time ago from this social media craze, is the less you share, the more interest people tend to take when you do open your curtains to the world. And, if you are one of those that shares everything, then maybe people are taking interest cuz they wanna see you fail or they just might be plotting on how to get what you got.. And please don’t that that you’re that good that it can’t happen. Remember you’re telling the world the good and bad, the do’s and don’ts of your significant other.

So my thing is this.. when did it become normal, natural, or cool to always let people see the inner most private parts of your life? I thought that it was the smart and less stressful thing to leave people out of your business. IDK maybe that urge to be the center of attention consumes folks. Either way, the social media THOTs are real and don’t seem to be slowing down any time soon.

Good luck with that, and I hope it doesn’t cost you a relationship because you’re more concerned with what the world knows, rather than what your relationship needs…minimal hands in the pot..

The Conformity of the Black Gay Male

I have been struggling with this concept for quite some time and over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to sit back and think about how to compose this blog. What I have realized is that as much as we, Black Gay Men, love to swear up and down that we are who we are and that we shouldn’t be forced to conform to the norms of society, it’s ironically just what we’ve done. And I know this will step on a few toes but, as anybody who knows me knows, I don’t give a damn.

See we have spent so many years fighting for our equality and our rights to exist independently and separate from the Heterosexual worlds definitions of who we should be, but as we continue to reach those goals, I’m starting to see so much more that we are conforming to just that very ideology we are striving to break free from. .

We love to boast that we don’t want to be defined as masculine or feminine or any of those titles, but as soon as you get on any of the social dating apps, the first thing you get on profiles is they only want…fill in the blank. So immediately my mind starts to wonder, are we just so fuckin’ trained to the “normal” standards that we just can’t break the chains of stereotyping? See here is what I know about that dynamic. I’ve seen more “feminine” men come into their own form of “dominant” roles and become some of the best tops you will ever know.

And conversely, I’ve seen a damn army of supposed “masculine” men become top flight bottoms as well. So I think my point here is instead of worrying about how masculine or feminine someone is, why not be concerned with do they give you what you want. See it appears that middle person has become the lost love and if you blend the lines of masculinity and femininity at all, you are vilified as not being enough of one or the other. And I think that’s very damaging.

Why is it that everyone loves to live at these extreme ends of the pole? Why is it that you have to be all one way or the other? I thought the definition of being gay is that you are a man who likes men. And yes your preference is just that, but correct me if I’m wrong.. If you are fucking an ass or taking some dick, you are exhibiting some sort of feminism no? I mean think about it this way. A straight person is fucking the opposite sex. If you are fucking the same sex why do you have to put yourself in a defined role?

I think what I have enjoyed most about those men who are versatile like myself is that we blend the lines of masculinity and femininity and that to me is the point of living this lifestyle. We aren’t concerned with how deep your voice is or how e-feminit you are. I think those who try to live as just a top or just a bottom who need to have just a Masculine man or Feminine man could learn a thing or two. Who you date does not define your masculinity or femininity, it is truly based upon you and your actions.

Yea I know I’ve said a lot and I know there will be people who disagree with me and that’s fine I welcome the conversation because I think when we push ourselves and break out of traditional customs, we become an even better people. We live this Gay life and we should always be looking for ways to invite uniqueness and individualism, instead of ways to isolate and reject individuals.

#I’m back

The World Stage

You know let me be clear in saying that I am biased in my opinions of the protests and grotesque actions of the police across the country, but now most specifically in Baltimore. Having my own personal experience here where I live, I will say continue the peaceful protests, continue fighting to get your voices heard. I am absolutely in full support of these folks trying to recapture their city and hold the “thugs” in the Police Department accountable.

I am so pleased to see that the Community Activists, Pastors, students, fraternities, sororities and the older guard are in place to restore the peace and order to the protesting taking place. I think we all must understand that we are now in a time where we must support the city of Baltimore and the residents that are trying to get a sliver of justice. They are trying to get their moment to show the world that things need to change. They are trying to show that it’s not always the people doing wrong, as it can be the law enforcement that is wrong.

Lets not forget why this is all happening, because once again, a man of color was needlessly beaten, dragged, ravaged inside the police van and ultimately lost his life. The cops who were responsible for this were celebrating the arrest and take down, as this young man clung to his life. The blatant disrespect and boasting was something no one should be able to look at with a smile on their faces.

As I say all of this, once again the country hinges on a verdict to come on Friday, delivering the results of the report and whether or not there will be charges for the officers who committed such a heinous crime against a defenseless man.

This is one of the few times where I feel that the President, now, needs to do more than issue a statement. I need him to come to Baltimore and tour the streets and towns affected. I need him to feel the pain of this movement and of the people affected in the movement. It is time to bring the Federal Goverments weight to this matter and in a strong and powerful way. There needs to be change as a result of this.

I am proud of the work that these folks are doing today. Lets not make this mission get detracted and turned into the typical Black thugs show. Let’s make sure the world knows that we are a race of people that are strong and can voice our outrage numerous ways and with a sustained persistence that will make change tangible and real for all citizens in the city, not just the rich.

Again I say, stay strong Baltimore, fight the good fight, keep it civil and respectful and let the world know that you will not tolerate abuse from anyone, civilian or law enforcement.

Why you single tho…

Its funny if I had a dime for each time I was asked the question: Why are you single? I would be a rich motha fucka right now. I have tried so hard to sit back and answer that question with a calm face and with some notion of respect. But as I’ve sat and just gone through another situation, it reconfirms my first thought: That single question has got to be the dumbest fuckin question in the world. If you wanna know why I’m single go ask all these niggas in these streets.

A nigga would rather get dogged by a dude that don’t give no fucks, or forces them to live a certain way, rather than accept a man who wants to give them the freedom to be themselves. They would rather hide behind their hurt and pain and fear, rather than bow their back and face the challenges head on. They take the pain inflicted upon them and pass it down to the first good dude that comes along to be real and genuine with them.

Why I’m single is cuz a nigga opens their mouth to say I got a cute face, a nice body, a fat dick and a juicy ass. I can dress my ass off and my personality is so cool and I’m this complete package, but apparently that’s not enough to get a nigga to act right. Funny that I can be this cold hearted nigga who can be bold enough to tell you I just wanna fuck or I just wanna be fuck buddies, and that gets accepted without hesitation. But, you let me try to be real and try to develop something real.. I get all the facades and manipulation just so I get lured in, only to have some excuse to fall back.

So if I choose to answer that question with the response of: “Why the fuck you wanna kno?” Would I be wrong? I guess where I’m at with the whole thing is I’m sick and tired of the question because I’m sick and tired of the selfish nature of the question. So you know in reality I’m thankful for every relationship and dealing I’ve been in because it has always taught me lessons and made me better.

Thank you cuz if it wasn’t for those experiences, I would not be the man that I am today.

Dick..Body..Ass

The thing that I start to realize as I interact with more people, is that sex is happening at a younger age and development of relationships is eroding away. It seems to across many age groups from the 20’s to the 40’s there is no sense of wanting to establish a bond and make a relationship, rather they rush to try and get to the dick and ass.

If you have a cute face, nice waist, fat dick, and smooth ass, I bet you can get your inboxes on Jack’d, Grindr, A4A, BGC and whatever other social vice you use to be full. People are chomping at the bit to get in the bed and see how much you can make them moan, scream or cream. Ha, notice there was nothing mentioned of trying to build a relationship, learning the person in that statement.

It’s a shame that even when you have a strong personality and dynamic character traits, the first thing that seems to get play is are you cute enough, tall enough, muscular enough, manish enough, and is your dick big enough or your ass fat enough to give or take some dick.

I understand why so many guys choose to abstain from having sex and remove themselves from the social sites, because so many people only care about getting a nut and nothing else. Once the climax is over, you can speak to the person and they will ignore you like you don’t exist. Maybe it’s time to stop dropping draws and making niggas moan and let them get into your mind and personality.

It’s funny how many of us in the life have a reputation for either being great head doctors, or an expert slanging the dick; while others are experts at throwing that ass back or riding the dick from the front or back. Then you have those that have a rep for being experts at it all. they can suck, eat, fuck and get fucked like a pro.

Ha, is that what it’s all come down to? And if you’re one of the ones who don’t want to be defined by that how can you be found? If you’re not on the social sites where can you be found? Maybe we need to really think about inventing a social application where those who want the whole package can meet, greet and make things work.

If you’re wondering what my reputation is I guess you’ll have to ask around. It’s a little of a mixed bag because this asshole of a personality I can have at times has rubbed a few the wrong way, and of course you know I could give two fucks. But on the whole, yes, I fit into one of the categories describe in the above paragraphs. I’ll let you try to figure it out..LOL

A Heart Without A Home

You know oft used phrase “Home is Where the Heart Is”, is a statement that rings true in so many ways, but it flawed in very demonstrative and tangible way. What happens when the heart is do torn that it doesn’t know where home is or how to find it?

I challenge this statement at it’s core because I’ve seen many people who spend time retreading relationships, hurting new people and running from the prospects of long-term happiness with one individual because their hearts have been so damaged that they don’t know how to heal it or where to start.

I will freely admit that as a consistent Church goer and seeker of inner peace, I still struggle with this dynamic quite a bit. I struggle to understand when it’s time to open up to someone and when to just exhibit that cold, uncaring spirit that just brushes off attempts at interactions with someone new.

I am a social butterfly, filled with life and energy, passion and fire, warmth and love, but at the same time, I am also beginning to understand the darker side of failed love. The abuse of the heart, the torment of the soul, the destruction of individual worth. Maybe it’s because so many in this state would rather find that dick or ass to suck or fuck, rather than find that person whose heart is genuine, intentions are good and build a life together.

Too many people run under the guise of self improvement and that is the justification they use to break off something good; when in reality, they’re scared of being hurt, afraid of losing another good thing and most importantly they don’t want to used, abused and thrown out again. I see the conflict that others wrestle with because I myself grapple with the same internal fight. Do I allow someone else to come in and potentially light up my life or shun them away because I just don’t want another cold, lonely night.

I’ve started on a journey to figure out why am I really under so much strife. I’m finding lost loves and the cleansing is an amazing one. But even as I find them, see them, talk to them and reflect, I’m still torn. The thoughts of what was and what could have been mix with the thoughts of peace and happiness that closure is coming.

Maybe that’s because there are two big pieces missing that I have yet to find. Two huge holes in my heart that I’ve struggled to move beyond and one big piece that seems to never want to commit. My goal is inner peace with these situations and I’m working as only I know how, but I also know that it’s been tormenting me for a while and I finally think I’m ready to put them all to bed.

My Personal Nativity

So I just got done watching for the time Black Nativity and I’m not ashamed to say that there were a couple parts in the movie that pulled at my emotions and brought me to tears. Yes the end of the movie was the part that opened the flood games for a multitude of reasons. Now before I dig into this blog, let me give a little more background. I have researched the word Nativity, and I am not comparing my birth to that of Christ because I am not that good, nor am I that person. I am, however, taking the definition that Nativity is the explanation of the circumstances surrounding a birth. And it is that part of the definition that brings me to this blog.

I’ve come to realize that my life has two births. One is my physical, literal birth, the day that I came out of my mother and begin to live my life on this earth. That was 30, soon to be 31, years ago and my second birth was when I was truly born into the gay life, and that was 11, soon to be 12 years ago.

See these are two distinct and different times in my life. It also is starting to help me see why, I think, there has been so much struggle in my own personal life, but also as to why so many gay people struggle once they’re born into this life.

See when I say born into the life, don’t take that as a literal meaning because I am of the belief that you do not get to choose if you are straight or gay, it is inately determined when you are born. When I say born into the life, I mean the day that you come out and begin to live your life as a homosexual individual. See the day that happens is a new birth.

My Nativity into the life is one of most gay males, but especially Black gay males. It started with my mama questioning me and not understanding why it is I chose to be this way. Her desire to try and quote scripture in her justification as to why I should not be the way that I am. As I commonly refer to it, the brain washing of Black folks from the pulpit.

It continued with the disapproval and disgust of my father. Him not wanting to accept or understand why his son is gay and would choose to live an openly gay life in America. Not really realizing that there were other children of his who walked in this taboo lifestyle. See my birth in this life was made challenging because contrary to my traditional birth where I had a mother and a father to nurture me and help me navigate the obstacles of life, I was born into this lifestyle with someone who was just two years older than me. And yes that two years meant everything because he was born into the lifestyle though many years prior, so he had experience to give but he was still just a kid really trying to learn his way.

See to me the point of the play and the movie, Black Nativity, more so than detailing the birth of Jesus, is to get us to understand that the challenges and hardships we face in life are a product of what you born into, but it does not have to be the definition of who you are. Jesus was placed on Earth to absolve us of all our missteps and wrongdoings. And God is executioner of Grace and Mercy.

So as I look back upon my birth into this life I see that all the mistakes I’ve made, the holes that exist in my development have been absolved. I’m learning and growing into what I can be because I refused to let the absence of a mother and/or father who was gay and could help guide me through this lifestyle be my failure.

That is part of the reason I decided to start my own gay family. I realized that the best way to leave a mark on this planet was to make sure that I could reach folks like me.. born into this lifestyle without biological parents who completely understand or accept who you are. I’m proud to say that I’ve been able to do just that and my prayer is that I will be able to leave an even stronger impact as I get older and am able to share more of the knowledge and experiences I’ve gained with those who are infants to this life.

My Nativity is one that has taken so many unforeseen turns and obstacles. It has challenged every thing I ever believed and molded me into a person that tries to lend that helping hand. So I hope this piece helps those who read it to understand that you will have multiple births in  your life and how you handle the deficiencies that happen during your birth will ultimately determine the end result of the life you get born into.

A Thief Comes In Many Forms

You know this has probably been the most challenging start to a year that has not involved money since I’ve been a grown man. I’ve had to sit back and reflect on all the relationships and friendships I’ve encountered over the years. I’ve also had to take inventory of my emotions, in addition to my clothes I’ll get back to that in a second, that made me realize that a thief can steal from you in a multitude of ways.

The first kind of thief you have, is the most common thief, is the person who steals materialistic things from you. And I’m not diminishing how difficult and emotionally draining it can be to have someone steal your possessions from you, but trust me there is another type of thief that puts this one to shame.

We all have had someone, either friend or lover, whose stolen something from us and it made you feel some kinda way. You got all in your feelings because they violated you by taking something that either you brought, or someone gave to you, and therefore it has a value that goes beyond the financial price tag.

Yet, it’s exactly this kind of thief that you can recover from relatively quickly and without much of a thought, so long as the items taken can be replaced with little effort. I do admit that the more the item holds that intrinsic value that we cannot quantify does it become more challenging to move on from this kind of thief.

The second type of thief is the one that can a lot longer effect because what they take from you is much more close to you and it cannot be brought, and in some cases, explained. This is the thief that steals your emotional and mental stability, which means they are stealing from your soul. See this is the person that winds up holding control over you to an extent because they’ve tapped into the deeper parts of you that the world doesn’t get to see.

I’m absolutely certain that once again we all have experienced this type of individual too. For most of us all we have to do is look at our former lover, spouse, or close friend that has now become estranged or completely removed from the picture. See that person is special; those types of people don’t come along often so when you have one of those types of relationships and it sours, it takes a piece of you and your soul with it. You’re left with a little void and the reality is no one knows how long it will really take to get over that emotional scar.

And then there is the final type of thief and that’s the combo thief. You guessed it, this is the thief who steals both the materialistic possessions and the emotional, mental, soulful things as well. You know my ex falls into this category. While at first I thought it was just the mental and emotional drain from him, I took a look through my closet this week and realized that during the time I allowed him to stay with me until he moved into his own spot, he stole a couple pairs of my pants and was sly as fuck about it.

See I guess that’s that problem when you have a lot in your closet and you don’t wear the same thing each week; someone can come along and pick your pockets before you realize what’s missing. But you know as I have always said, the bitch that steals from me is the bitch that’s too afraid to ask. I hope he gets good wear out those pants and while he portrays to have that manish appeal on the outside, all the shit I’ve dealt with as a result of him shows me that he really is a bitch on the inside.

So touche to him and I hope he’s happy with the thievry he’s pulled off, because if we cross paths, I’ll show him what it’s like to steal your smile. And no I’m not going to physically touch or harm him, but ask around I got that asshole like attitude that will leave you with a inner void.

Do you know who your thieves are?

Inside The Writers Mind

Over the past few weeks I’ve been struggling with a very personal issue, very close to my soul. I know that many who’ve read these blogs and have interacted with me throughout my life would say that I’m a very extroverted, eccentric person, who isn’t bashful about telling you how I feel. And while on the whole that is very true, there are times where I feel as though revealing those feelings at times can cause more harm than good.

I have developed into the guy who believes that your actions are worth more than your words. Because in truth, words can be manipulated and twisted but your actions are pretty concrete. I have tended to let my actions speak more that my words when I feel that I’m either unable to speak my thoughts with careful discretion, or I don’t want to cause something that makes me be in my feelings to become a front line story.

What I’ve found is that in doing this, you accomplish your goal. For me it’s to let you know that I’m not really happy with you right now, but it’s not a dagger or a gavel banging situation. I think because I’ve spent so much of my life with a smile on my face and an appearance of always being in control of my feelings and thoughts, that people tend to forget I’m human and entitled to be in my feelings, and subsequently, get out of them without being questioned or chastised.

As hard as I try to always be fair and impartial, I have to state the obvious, which is that I am inherently flawed and wrong at times because I am human and I make mistakes like anyone else. I have feelings that just don’t always go away with the flick of a wand or snap of some fingers. I am more sensitive that folks realize because I don’t let the inner softness always display on my outer core.

I always write in my blogs that I am a complicated melody, and I don’t do it just for show or to borrow lines from an artist I adore. I use those two words because it is a complete definition of who I am and what my beliefs are and the makeup of my life. I challenge anyone to take the time to learn a little about me and who I am and you will probably come away saying the same thing, but I also promise you will know why too.

There are times I feel that change is needed in order to maintain a sense of control over these feelings that float thru my mind and body, but I will freely admit most don’t understand the methods to my madness. I am very thoughtful and careful with these changes, so always know I am always a melody, just complicated in spurts.