lifestyle

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Fitted clothes..you gay???

Funny title right? But what I’m finding more often is that soo many women now a days and some men have this ignorant opinion that just because a man chooses to wear his clothes fitted to his body and don’t sag below his ass that must instantly be gay. I think that this has be another of the dumb ass stereotypes being applied to men, mostly Black men, in America because nobody wants to accept that we all have different ideas of style and fashion and that everybody don’t wanna look like a thug, or jail bait..LOL

The latest online banter was about August Alsina and his wardrobe overhaul. He has decided that the fitted look is in for him and the thug look is out. And the hounds were quick to say that he must be gay because he went to the more slim and trim look, that shows off the physique and not how low ya pants can drop. Did any of these idiots stop to realize that in the business world, Black people don’t own a lot of shit? Do we realize that white folks are still in control of a lot of the businesses and they don’t really favor the urban, thug look. They tend to favor the more fitted, business attire.

Let me be clear.. I can show you a hundred gays and of those there may be half who dress alike and the other half each will be drastically different. We are not a group of people that you can group together or paint with a broad brush. We aren’t able to be lumped into one category based upon anything that we do. So I really hope some of these stupid ass females who want to label a straight man gay because he chooses to be more professional because he’s trying to promote himself, which is his brand, will realize a smart man knows what to do.

It truly blows my mind to think that we still operate in a society where clothes are still defining what your sexual preference is and how much sex you have determines if you are gay or not. I’m just not sure when did we get to the place where these are the barometers for gay vs straight. When did having color in your hair automatically make you gay or straight. Make you a top or bottom?

All of these things that I mention tie into the fitted clothes stereotype. I am at that place where I need people to understand that you need to let people be themselves. Let the expressiveness be just that. Why are we such a judgmental group of people? Why are Black folks so anxious to label each other as one thing or the other? Why do women keep saying that there are no real men left because you can’t distinguish gay or straight because we both like to dress similarly to each other?

The problem in our culture is that all we care to do is make people equal to us. We want to say that if we do something a certain way then if someone doesn’t they must be labeled some type of black sheep or odd ball. Once we finally realize that the uniqueness of each of us makes us a very special community, we will be so much better.

Black people, stop tryna to define a nigga by what he wears or how he speaks. Stop tryna define a prep or urban boy because he wears fitted clothes. Truth is I know a lot of preppy boys who are athletes and musicians. I know a few niggas who are politics and educational type things. We are one people, split by different views and outlooks on life. Live free, be real and stop worrying about who wears what clothes.

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The Red Ribbon

I hope that after I speak about this today that there will be further dialog around tables and parks. In homes and just out in the street. There needs to be more talk about HIV/AIDS in this country. While there have been some major breakthroughs and medicines that help to stymie the virus and not destroy your internal organs at the same time, there is still the problem of too many Africans Americans, humans in general, and especially Gay men and women being infected with this virus daily, monthly and yearly.

While there is now PreP medicine that is taken by folks to prevent themselves from getting the virus, there is still the need to tell folks to be aware that there are still other sexually transmitted infections that can take you out, and at the very least make life uncomfortable for you for a while. We need to understand that there are still millions of people dying from this illness and that there are some great discoveries in medicine that have found potential cures for this disease.

As it is known I don’t have a problem with someone saying that they like having sex. Or with anyone who says they like having sex with multiple people. I have always said that’s your personal choice and it’s your right to live your life however you feel. But, what I will also tell you is that there needs to be accountability and a smartness about who you choose to lay down with. That dick or ass or pussy might be everything and you might skeet for the high heavens, but, after that nut is over are you ready for the possible consequences?

Lets be real about the situation too, raw sex has been happening since the world was created and evolved. How the hell do you think we all got here? It ain’t cause our ancestors and parents practiced wrapping it up all the damn time. In fact , it was the opposite. Back in the day there use to be women who had lots of children and proudly so because that meant their legacies were guaranteed to be carried on. Now days there are fewer women having lots of kids. We have become more modest even though our population is booming out of control.

I say all of that to say I’m not about the holier than though talk that says you should always wrap up no matter what unless you’re married. That is the ideal situation and that’s what we all hope would happen. Truth is people today are having sex at younger and younger ages; they’re having babies early and getting STI’s at really rapid rates. HIV is something we can control because we can say yes or no to fucking or getting fucked by someone.

If you keep up with lightly reported stories you will know that there are whispers and indications that there is a cure. That more traditional and holistic doctors are finding treatments that not only destroy or significantly minimize the virus, but also protect the body in the process. I hope this post starts a dialog somewhere and if I feel the need to revisit it again, if you’ve read any of my material you know that I will.

Take care of yourself America

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A Country At War

I know you think this post is about our fighting on foreign soil, but if that’s what you think.. Oh boy are you so damn wrong. I’m absolutely about to unload on the war on home soil and this will spare no rod.

Have you taken a look at what’s going on in our own backyard? Have you paid attention to the killing in the streets, by civilians and more importantly by law enforcement? Have you seen the mass murders taking place left and right in this country? Years ago we had the Newtown 26, where 26 children and school officials were killed in a mass murder.

Today, in California, we have the San Bernardino 14. Got damn it, what do we have to do in order to finally get these spineless, gutless, scared Politicians to do the damn job they were sent to Congress to do: Serve the people of the United States of America. My God, how many people have to run through the streets, cities and states of America with automatic weapons killing innocent Americans? How many damn times so we have to hear the bullshit line “Let us pray for the people affected” by Politicians so in bed with the NRA that they get fucked by them more than their spouses?

I’m so sick and damn tired of hearing Republicans speak that dumb shit about the reason these incidents take place is because they are no “no gun” zones. When the fuck will you ignorant ass people wake up and realize the reason this shit keeps happening is because there are too many fucking guns on the street? When will you realize that because we are so quick to vehemently defend gun rights, that we don’t take common sense steps to protect us from people who should not be buying guns?

Who the hell really believes that we need assault weapons in the hands of people who want to do harm to people, for whatever reason they come up with in their sick and twisted minds. We keep talking about how we need to take out ISIS and all this other shit, but we need to enact gun laws and change our ways of thinking in our society that says guns are the answer to the problem.

The freest country in the world is at war with itself because it can’t separate itself from a damn gun lobbyist that thinks if we try to remove unnecessary weapons off the streets and place sensible restrictions on who can get a gun, that somehow we are infringing on the rights of gun owners.

Damn it America get this partisan bullshit out of your head. Please realize this is not about Democrats or Republicans. This is not about Black or White, Gay or Straight. This is about America. A nation that’s suppose to pride itself on being the best but we can’t agree to take care of each other.

This is not about me railing against gun ownership, because truth is, I’m a liberal Democrat that is a supporter of an individuals right to own and carry a gun. But even saying that, I damn sure am in favor of stricter laws on who can get a gun and the background checks being needed before you can purchase a gun. America we need to band together because the time is now for us to say enough is enough.

How many times do we need to see mass shootings on t.v. before we get tired of seeing this shit? Who needs to die before there is action taken by the spineless politicians sitting in Washington D.C.? Will we ever say enough is enough damn it? Please America let’s join together with one voice and say no more. We need to stop saying it’s too soon to talk about this issue. We need to stop saying it’s not right to politicize this issue.

The honest truth is we have been too damn late for years but it’s never to late to make a change. The voice of the many need to be heard. No more silence. Let’s make sure these folks in D.C. know we won’t tolerate this anymore.

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Fears of Love

You know as I’ve had time to sit back and reflect on the recent things that I’ve gone through the past couple months, I have a new found appreciation for how much loving a person can make someone live in fear at the same time.

I know that to some that may sound crazy or may not make sense, but if you really understand what love is all about it can make anyone’s inner demons and insecurities come out because you fear that the person that you love would leave you if they know your truth. I think that this issue is a growing problem in this society because so many people aren’t comfortable enough with themselves to truly love someone.

As I look out towards the truth even surrounding folks close to me, I see how much past pains and hurt have led them to have such a fear of loving with all their might. See, they feel as if that something bad will happen or they will be heartbroken or embarrassed for loving someone with all that’s inside of them. I think that what people do is get so caught up in not only their past pains, but also the pains and trials of their friends.

Someone really needs to talk to me and tell me why what someone else went through in their own relationship is affecting you in your own personal relationship. No two people are the same and no two people go through the same experiences. While, you may experience similar things because you get treated a similar way by different folks. the truth is each relationship is its own entity and no one should be basing their love life off that of those around them. It is a falsehood that makes one think that they will truly gain their knowledge about how to handle their own affairs from hearing the issues of a friend or family members love pitfalls.

The other thing that I think is absolutely ridiculous, is that everyone wants to spend their time fixing the love life of someone else but they don’t truly take enough time to fix their love life or fix themselves. One day people will realize that when you are always trying to fix someone else’s relationship, your relationship suffers because all you do is bring the problems of their relationship to your own, if you’re not strong enough to separate the two.

Love is rough and requires the utmost attention and focus. You must realize that to love is to be selfless. To love is to give yourself to that one who you trust with all your might. To love is to understand that your home must be in lock step before you work on another home. Love means that when things happen you deal with them and let them go. Love means that you learn to compromise when needed and be firm when required. All of these things that love is and requires is what makes the fear so strong. Because we get so caught up in roles and positions and who should pay what and who should control who, that we forget about the love. Hence, the fear that always hovers over the relationship.

Are you in fear? Or are you in love?

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To Serve and Protect

Ah, we sit here again as we face another round of tragic horror stories of police officers in America, killing young, unarmed, innocent, Black men. From Illinois to Minnesota and other parts of the nation, we are again dealing with this crisis.

America, I am the first man to say that we need the police men and women whose jobs are to protect and service the members of the communities that they are sworn to protect. But the facts are the damn facts. Too many damn unarmed, black men are being shot and killed needlessly. I’m tired of hearing of how the police are ready to say, “Since people want to record and hold us accountable, we won’t do as much protecting and serving.” That is a line that has been said by many leaders within those ranks.

I am really sick and tired of Police departments covering up the injustice and wrongdoing. I really annoyed that leaders of these states aren’t forcing the police officers and precincts to release these videos of the shootings taking place. I’m tired of seeing all the disturbing videos that show police brutality and abuse.

All over this country police officers are taking things into their own hands a little too much and the people who they are suppose to protect and serve are being killed and buried. Far too often we are hearing the same fucking line of it was self defense. Since when is an unarmed man a deadly threat to you? With the ability to taze a potentially dangerous individual or the ability to shoot them and debilitate them, why are so many officers of the law just choosing death.

And before you think I don’t understand, I do. It can be very difficult to be a cop and determine what level of force is needed at times, but I’ll be damned if the only solution is to always kill someone. Fuck that, take them down and all that shit, but I’m tired of seeing cops get off for murder just because the argument is: “it was in the line of duty.”

An officer of the law is supposed to be a servant, not the judge, jury and executioner as often as we see it. Yes accountability is suppose to be at the top of the list for all people who work in America. You are suppose to be accountable to whatever the customer is that you serve. So as I said once before, damn the self defense argument. There are so many great cops who get overshadowed because the macho cop wants to be “the man.”

My response, put that ass in jail and make them do time for the crimes they commit and we will surely see less of this all powerful cop business we see so much now. Oh and by the way, if you get some responsible officials in office who are ready to be fair to all, then we can get somewhere.

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The Power of One

I know that I may have touched on this before, but you know recently my pastor preached about the ability to grow by yourself. And you know for some people that might be too much to handle, because so many folks are afraid to be alone long enough to evaluate themselves and make the necessary changes to them and in their lives to prevent from going through the same things over and over again.

It is a definite sign of maturity and strength when you can allow yourself to pull away from the world, for a time. long enough to realize that you need to grow up and become a better individual. See one thing we must all realize is that while we can seek out those who have more experience and wisdom in the world to gain knowledge and understanding of the things, but you still must be able to take the information and apply it your way and style so that you can be the best you that you can, not the best someone else.

Change must be something that you realize on your own needs to happen. You can’t be forced into making changes, nor can you be so lucid in your beliefs that you let people change you. See there is something to be said about not even allowing love to change you from the core of who you are.

Remember that real change usually occurs when your by yourself. Even if you are in a relationship, you have to know that self growth and motivation must still be the basic premise for changes, not just because you love someone and want to be with them. From this guys perspective, I’ve always made the best changes when I’ve isolated myself from people. I think that people have to have a solid understanding of yourself to know that self development is so very key.

Not a lot on this, but just a little refresher to update this. Tell me your thoughts, let me know how you feel.

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Eccentric Doesn’t Mean Feminine

You know one of the biggest misconceptions in the gay community, especially the Black Gay community, is that if your eccentric or you have color in your hair then you must be feminine or somehow not as masculine as a dude who has muscles, or one solid, low-top hair color. So I don’t understand how that’s actually true. Because if I’m completely honest, there are sooooo many gays who have the “masculine” look in a picture or in physically, but you let them open their mouths and they are as gay and flaming as they come.

See I think once again we’ve been brainwashed by “society” to think that somehow if you have a different look that makes you stand out, you automatically have to be deemed feminine or not masculine enough. If you have pictures that aren’t just of your dick and chest or your ass and chest you aren’t manish enough. You have to either be fully clothed, or flippin the bird in the picture. You gotta be blowing smoke or displaying a gun or gun sign in the general area of your photo. You have to be a dread head or have the low cut with waves all the way through.

I wish someone in this lifestyle can help me understand why in this day in age when are in such an uproar for equality and freedom. When so many Black men who are gay want to be judged based on their content and not who they fucking, why do they still stereotype each other because one doesn’t look like what the world has said for ages must be the look of a masculine man?

Could it be possible that we still suffer from Post Traumatic Slavery Disorder? Damn right I said it. The reality of the situation is that in every cultural dynamic that exists in the black community we seem to preach this idea of a man being hard and niggerish. Having this rough exterior and talking with little respect for their fellow gay men. Why is the community so accepting of a man who sags his pants down to their kneecaps and is tatted up; but the man who is sharply dressed business professional or the eccentric musical stylist or artist is somehow not quite as manly?

I understand why so many black gay men choose to date men who are Puerto Rican or Asian or White or any other ethnic makeup; because they realize how stereotyping and cynical the Black gay community can be. We bitch and moan so much about not being treated fairly and unfair labels being placed on us, but do we ever stop and realize that we do so much damage to ourselves by always wanting to match up to what the hetero world says we should look like to be deemed “masculine”.

Tell me your thoughts America. Lets have this dialogue.

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The FSU Bias

Now it’s time for me to rail against ESPN for their continued dick sucking of the SEC. Yes I know just about everyone has that opinion that doesn’t support an SEC school, but the reality is there are schools outside of that conference that are awesome and deserve to be ranked higher and given more attention.

How Alabama, who lost at home, is ranked higher than Florida State and other Power 5 teams that are undefeated is really amazing to me. I get it that the whole media universe thinks that they are the best things since slice bread and their conference is the most dynamic on the planet, but when you lose you should fall.

Also, I find it funny this season that ESPN is promoting Clemson like world beaters and when they win games that aren’t really impressive, they are amazing; but when Florida State goes out and destroys Louisville in the second half its a narrow win. I think we can see the narrative coming for this season. If Florida State manages to win all their games and the ACC title game, they will be 13-0. I dare someone to tell me that an undefeated team that beats top 5 Clemson, top 12 Florida and other Power 5 schools, should be left out of the Playoff 4 for a 1 loss team, you would be stupid.

My hope is that ESPN is not penalizing FSU for their Houdini like escapes last season getting all the way through to the Playoffs, by trying to persuade folks to believe that FSU isn’t a really good football team worthy of inclusion should they win all their games. Not to mention Dalvin Cook is like beasting it this year and yes I totally agree that Leonard Fournette of LSU is one of the most dynamic backs that I’ve ever seen in the country, but the truth is that Cook is absolutely right there on the same level as Fournette.

But if you let ESPN tell it, it’s Fournette and then everyone else who’s not even in his league. I really wonder how this will play out of FSU and LSU are both undefeated and these backs have amazing seasons. Will they consider Dalvin seriously or will it just be the coronation of Mr. Fournette this year? Half a season down and still the other half to go. And this is where the money will be made, because both schools have big time matchups coming down the line.

My hope is that these two get to decide it for themselves and not ESPN’s overt nut-hugging of the SEC’s schools.

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To The Empire

I absolutely love Empire and the first season was such an amazing masterpiece. Lee Daniels wrote a superb script, along with the other writers, and it has been absolutely refreshing to see a show about Black folks and the actual real life struggles that encompass the Black community.

As this season is starting to come together I’m glad the Lee and company have gotten back to the authenticity of the show and having amazing storylines filled with drama and action and twist and turns. I have a great appreciation for the dynamics he’s presenting. How much Lucious sees himself in Andre and nobody actually knows it. It now makes so much sense as the show continues to develop.

To see Lucious rule like a king is very intriguing and funny. He often refers to himself a God, but in a times of crisis you see him defy the stereotype portrayed and remembers that his seed is important. I was shocked that the photographer went after the boyfriend and damnit Kelly Roland is doing an amazing job portraying the mentally challenged mother of Lucious.

How this show and series will play out is anyone’s guess but I do love that they address mental issues, homosexuality and homophoebia. There is also the dynamic of the power struggle of the mother and father that want power and control of their families. But you also see how when things are rough they will always come together for the betterment and sake of the family.

All I can say is that I hope people truly understand how ground breaking this show is. Lee Daniels has managed to tackle so many of the issues confronting the Black community. From gangs and drug dealing to family turmoil and traditions, and all things inbetween. Please remember that before this show it was always the happy and pleasant Black families. We finally see the true issues: church, a gay family member, a rebellious son, a strong black woman, a crazy black man. Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone took the time to take the lessons from this show and try to put themselves in the shoes of the characters.

Would our world be better off? Hmmm…. what do you think? Drop your thoughts, I promise I’ll respond

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The Loneliness of Growth…

I’ve had to sit back and think about what growing up really means and how growth can often times leave you lonely. In talks with my best friend though, I discovered that it’s a nationwide, global situation that seems to occur in blocks of time in your life.

This seems to be one of those blocks and it’s very interesting when you realize it’s happening and the different reactions of those you associate with. From close friends, to mere acquaintances the reactions to the changes occurring are of shock and dismay a bit. And for me it’s one of volatility and uncertainty.

I’m learning what it means to grow into yourself and how to cherish the real and dismiss the imaginary. It’s ironic that when you allow yourself to be stuck in a drama filed, chaotic, messy lifestyle and being surrounded by the same people, you have more “friends” and “fun.”

Finding yourself in a world that still has a lot of prejudice towards Black men and Black, Gay Men is extremely difficult and if you don’t have a strong sense of self or a strong inner circle, you can believe it’s enough to make you question your relevance. I’ve had numerous internal conversations with myself lately trying to figure out of I’m doing the right things and making the right decisions.

Making sense out of reality can be tough. Accepting that people will use you for what you have more then they will befriend you what you share in common is a hard thing to accept. When you know that you are authentic and real, giving and honest, but that only gets you the leeches before it gets you the same type of person in return.

A big part of growth is knowing your self worth and not allowing those who are only appreciative of your physical or monetary gifts to ruin that development process. It is the hardest thing to do, because most of us as people like being accepted and moreover like being around people. But what you learn as you grow is you have to be careful of the people you are around. While all people can serve a purpose and can help you have a good time, most don’t have your best interest at heart and being in that circle can have negative consequences.

So as I sit here this morning, struggling with the loneliness and doubt of what I’m doing, I think I actually take solace in the fact that I see myself growing and I see the changes I’m making. The decisions are more rational and the outcomes are more positive. But the facts still remain, finding those friends that are truly friends and want that same success you do is tough. Leaving behind those who are stuck in the past can be trying, but it’s necessary. And growing out of usual patterns into new habits is difficult, but a requirement.

Growing up sometimes is lonely and continual growth can often lead to lonely times, but hopefully the end result makes it all worth it. Just some food for thought.