The Darkness Within

One of the biggest lessons behind the latest push for mental health awareness is that just because someone smiles nd looks like they have it all under control doesn’t mean there isn’t a time bomb ticking beneath the surface. It’s one of the most under appreciated illnesses in the world, much less the United States.

Someone who has depression issues or anxiety issues or struggles with bipolar disorder isn’t always taken as seriously as the illnesses nd disorders we can see. That’s the danger in all of this. If u don’t take the time to check on those u care about nd pay attention to things u see that may be out of the ordinary for that person u may be losing a friend nd never know it.

No one person has all the same reactions nd behaviors. The struggle with these issues are well documented nd they have only been magnified with the high profile suicides lately who were struggling with some of these issues. The difficulty is that these issues are deeply personal nd getting someone to open up who’s struggling is hard because there is a feeling of helplessness nd worthlessness.

The challenge is getting the person to accept that they have an issue that needs to be addressed. That’s something that takes support, love but also someone who has or is going thru it that can get on ur level nd let u know it’s ok to admit u need help nd that ur not mentally well.

There is a darkness that comes over anyone who struggled or struggles with these issues nd u can’t just assume u can handle it on ur own. Seek help, find positive outlets nd influences, learn to love urself nd day by day u can lift the darkness within.

If you need to talk then lets discuss

A tribute to Dad’s

As I sat this today trying to determine how to pin this I realized that simple nd factual will be the orders of the day. I looked up the definition of a father. And at its core it too is simple nd basic. A father means a male who created a child. I then looked up dad and that word means a father who is active present nd raises his child or children.

Today we celebrate Fathers Day. At its most basic principle we celebrate men who created children. But in reality what we are really celebrating are Dad’s. Today is really Happy Dad’s Day. And if you are fortunate enough to have that kinda figure in your life then you pay some type of tribute to him.

A dad is what many of us seek nd hope we have in the man who helped to create us. We look for that man yo guide nd lead us, mold us into young men nd then into being a grown man. We look to him to protect us and be firm yet loving during our growth in life. He is the man some want to be like.

The truth is many in the Black community nd specifically the Gay community don’t have biological dad’s. We have biological father’s nd then dad figures along the way. Be it a grandfather or a gay father or a mentor or coach or brother or cousin. Someone who treated us like a son irrespective to what sex we chose to lay with in life.

The sad truth is that for many in the community today is not necessarily a fond day like Mothers day. It’s a time where we usually have those lingering questions pop in nd out of our brains. It’s where we recommit to being a better dad than ours, if we have children, nd it’s a time where we reflect nd give thanks to whatever figure we have to call dad in our lives.

For anyone who has a real dad that they call father today honor them. Love on them, tell them you appreciate them. Make them know that they are as loved as they love u nd u are as grateful for them as they are for having the chance to raise u.

For one thing is certain the legacy of your dad, father, lives they whomever they imparted their life of devotion to. Because you become their image.

God bless every man that’s a father who is a dad. Happy Dad’s Day to you all.

The Ethos is Your Friend.. If u let it be

So many times people think that the world is against them because they’re going through some struggles. Because times are hard. When the reality is that the Ethos is designed to work in your favor but you can tilt nd alter that with your words, actions nd energy. When someone puts something negative in the air about its up to u whether or not u give it the energy to breathe. When you allow negativity to get energy then your path can change.

As I have said and will continue to say you will not be able to fully understand yourself nor the plan that is destined for you if you don’t allow urself to connect to the Earth nd let it guide u. Contrary to pessimistic belief you definitely are designed to have the Ethos in your favor.

If you take time to learn about yourself you learn that you are a compilation of the energy in the world. Affected differently by the arrangements of the stars, moons, and planets. We as a people need to learn more about ourselves. You get to have more knowledge nd love for urself. One is never perfect.

I truly think that at some point in time completion is achieved with a connection through the Earth. Think about nd tell me bout it

Roses Smell Like Boowoowoowoo

Thank u Outkast for the opening for this blog. Lol, this title to me is very important to delve into. So many people are out here living like they the best thing since electricity. They get so caught up n looking pretty or handsome nd forget that part of sex appeal is how u act.

Aint nothing worse than meeting someone who looks good but they personality be shit nd they have the nerve to act like they shit dont stank. Being attractive don’t give u a pass to be a bitch, dick, or asshole. Yes it usually mean you have more attention nd followers. People spend more time starring nd gawking at you. But does that mean you give people your ass to kiss? Does that mean u have to carry urself as though ur beyond reproach?

Even if u not cute nd u full of confidemce, thats beautiful that u are self confident nd loving of urself but that dont mean u gotta be extra nd aggy with your self praise. Roses have thorns nd they still smell like shit at the end of the day lol. Beautiful to look at but all that great to the smell.

I think we all could use a lil humility drink just to remind us all that there is a balance to life. Be confident in u. Feel great u nd ur accomplishments. Take time to appreciate urself. Just dont be a bitch about it.

Remember, I know u like to think yo shit dont stank but lean a little closer cuz roses really smell like boowoowoowoowoo. Lmao

Talk to me

Harnessing The Power of Love

As I’ve listened and talked to folks the past couple days regarding the Royal Wedding, I’ve come away with the perception that we are missing the mark on the great opportunity provided. These two people that wed disregarded race nd background. They found love nd they ran with it.

The public, especially large pockets of Black America, has been picking apart the Wedding nd chastising it for the reactions of the Royal Family nd some others in attendance to the Bishop’s Sermon. Pundits have said he missed an opportunity, some have said the Gospel Choir was out of place and many are questioning the Dutchesses Black card.

I for one have had enough, damn! The woman is beautiful, has pigmented skin and doesn’t have to validate herself to all the dark is better movement that exists. It makes me wonder if anyone heard the message being delivered by the Bishop. He talked about the healing power of love. He spoke of how God’s love is unique nd unifying. He talked about how we can heal a nation nd unite a people behind love.

He spoke about taking the fire and passions of life nd harnessing it to work for the good of the people. Tying it together he said if love is present with harnessed power it can’t be stopped. What was the point? Instead of using the fire to damage each other, learn to harness that power nd combine it with real love to make the world a better place

So come on man stop the fucking bickering. End the Black card games, dismiss the wrankles of the past. Tske history and learn from it. Take ur passion nd channel it into positive action. Love each other genuinely nd then we all can harness the power of love nd prevail.

The American Royal Wedding

I told my friend who asked me the other day that I was not gone wake up at 4am ET to watch the Royal Wedding. True to myself I didn’t. Yet I did find myself watching the nd the replays and commentary from the wedding on CNN.

I must admit I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the Dutchess of Essex had a Gospel Choir in attendance to serenade her and the Prince. She made such a beautiful bride. Her dress was georgous nd fitting of the occasion. They looked as happy as the ceremony was grandeous.

It was the comments of the panel assembled on CNN that stirred my mind nd thats what I’m diggin deeper into today. Leave it to my boy Don Lemon to provide wordly perspective on the most hyped wedding this year. He said it so well: At a time when the US is so divided nd the World is in chaos we have a wedding that brings hope of change because its inclusive nd focused on love.

The history of this moment is not lost on those looking beyond the fashion nd A List celebrities. An American marrying into the Royal Family. The greatest ally we have nd one of oldest Establishments in the world. And no less important that the woman marrying into this Dynastical family is a mixed race Black woman.

Let that sink in. The Royal Family has been known as an all White Privilege society. And while the Dutchess is only one we have already seen how she nd Prince Harry nd the young guard plan to operate. They are an inclusive bunch nd time will tell how much change comes to England.

During the analysis of the ceremony, the optics nd people there Don mentioned that this was change. A Black Bishop delivering lively remarks nd echoing King. A Gospel Choir delivering beautiful perfomances nd leaving that Chapel mesmorized. Things never seen at a royal wedding. One of the English pa elists said she felt the Gospel Chour, while they were quite amazing, was uncomfortable nd out of place for a Royal Wedding.

I think she is systematic of the problem in England. My question is why the fuck are they outta place. Cuz they Black. Cuz they sing music with passion nd flair? Cuz it foreign to all you Brit elite bitches? It sounds very prejudical and radically short sighted. This point was proven when about 30 minutes later when the panel was reflecting again. This same woman said the song choice, Stand By Me, was befitting for both as they’ve both had major struggles in their lives nd they found that one who will Stand by them.

It was in that moment when she reflected within nd she began to tear up thinking of the symbolism nd message of the song nd the choir singing it. And it was there she acquiesced nd said that maybe the song nd voices chosen to sing it were perfect.

Change doesn’t come over night nor does it come when we look subjectively thru what is to be an objective lens. America and the World knows inclusivity is the way nd Black is beautiful and always fits in whatever surrounding you place it in. Congratulations Prince and Dutchess party on!

A tribute to you

There is no greater experience in my mind than becoming a parent for the first time. To kno you have created a being that will be in your likeness. That will have your blood in its bubb veins. To see the first smile, hear the first cry, witness the first steps, hear the first words and the list goes on.

These are some of the early joys of watching a life u helped create learn the new world they exist within. To hear their little heart beat. To see the innocence in them. To hear the first time they say I love you daddy. What a special gift. To have a son for any man gay or straight is a prideful thing. To know your heir is here.

Now imagine being told you’re going to be a father and then four months later that gift is taken away. Then imagine being told the real reason why your son isn’t here.. Because the person carrying your child killed him. No notice given to you and the only explanation is its my body nd I do what I want.

Just because the relationship ends doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be an involved nd constantly present dad. Having a child is a want of mines. So to have been so close only to have it snatched away in devastating fashion has fucked with me since finding out nearly two weeks ago.

The pain is unexplainable. The hurt is paralyzing and the thoughts are debilitating. I never wanted to kno this feeling. To be on the doorstep of fatherhood only to have spite and jealousy take that away. It hurts so bad every day. It’s just one more thing that makes u question yourself. It puts u in a constant state of hurt yet the show must go on

So to you my unborn son, Jeremiah Solomon Reynolds. I wish u peace as u never got to take a breath on this Earth. Daddy loved u beyond any measure u will kno. The tears that fall don’t console my heart. My love for u is always there.

This is my tribute to u.

Drop a line nd lets talk about it

A broken soul

Damn it Im back and it feels good. My absence from my release vice has been killing me. So much to write about. So many thoughts to lay down.

The hardest thing to do when ur reviving urself from a difficult relationship is to manage the emotions and pain you feel. People will constantly try to tell u to just move past it cuz you’ve survived it but bitch do u kno what the fuck I went through? Most likely not which means fuck u saying just push past it. Ive gotta heal and restart all over again.

See there is so much emotional damage that comes from a breakup. If you had any sort of trauma or extreme challenges there’s more damage done. It all adds up. The longer you were together the harder it is too. It makes u question yourself. You have doubt and all types of thoughts eating away at you. When you experience so of the extremes of a relationship you also lose track of yourself. You find yourself searching for answers and for who you are.

You lose friendships and distance yourself to protect you and those you care for from the madness and destruction. Not knowing that you’re really tearing yourself apart in the process. Yet you find the strength from God to continue on until you find the will nd power to walk away. But the damage is already done. You are destroyed and heart broken. You’re left to pick up the pieces of your heart nd soul to put it back together again.

That’s where the doubt and disbelief set in. It’s when the depression and hatred set in. It’s where you question your existence and purpose. Its where the dark cloud rests. Trying to find the desire to move on. The levels pain fluctuate and only you can stop it.

Ask yourself can you stand and rebuild yourself again?

Speak ur mind nd lets discuss

When the Rains Fall

Most people have a emotional connection to the weather. That is when it’s dreary and rainy their emotions tend to be either very bland because of the lack of sunshine or their highly volatile. It is truly an interesting phenomenon to see. Something that is truly an essential part of our survival can have such an impact on the human emotion. Rain is the substance that helps the plants and grass to grow. It allows for us to see the beautiful rainbow when the sun comes out.

Rain is the substance that, for many people, puts you to sleep with it hits calmly against your window pain. But, it can also jolt you awake when it pounds heavily like bubbling volcano. Reactions are different to Earth’s natural bath. Some love to hear the rain and enjoy being in it, while others can’t wait till it’s over so they can bask in the sunlight again.

I wonder how it’s possible for so many different reactions to come from the one singular substance. Water. Some like to stand outside and drink in the rain as it falls from the sky, others run and hide to avoid messing up that outfit they just put on. Kids like to jump in the puddles and play with little care, most adults try to bundle up so they avoid the cold that over exposure can bring. There are so many different reactions one can have to the rain, but the root seems to be pretty much the same.

Either you like rain and have fun playing, dancing, or even singing in the rain. Or, you just want it to be over, so you see the sun and feel a little bit warmer. I have always wondered what causes this difference in reactions. The sleeper when it rains versus the energizer bunny. And why it is that when you’re younger you tend to enjoy the watery puddles and rain soaked clothes, but once you become an adult, well being out for sustained periods in the rain is just a huge no-no.

Either way it’s all apart of the process. And as we all know, you gotta have some rain if you want anything to grow.

T.H.O.T.

I was laughably having a conversation with my boyfriend a couple weeks back and we were talking about this potential topic and I said that it was time to write it. I know that this will cause a little bit of hurt feelings but hey, if it does, then maybe that means it applies to you. Now what you do with what gets said in this blog is your choice.

First let me make sure I help those who might not know what these letters mean that I’ve used to title this blog. T.H.O.T means That Hoe Ova There. I wanted to talk about this because I’m alarmed at how many people are picking THOTS as their partners and then shocked when the relationship doesn’t work out or surprised when certain things happen. Just by rule a THOT is not a boyfriend or girlfriend, they’re a FUCK simply put.

This will focus on the men because I’ve no damn clue about properly identifying all the different type of female THOT’s but as for men, especially gay men go, baby I’m going to give you the damn book. Sit back and relax. Enjoy the read, get you a good laugh and take notes, because the next time you think you got sum good, you might have a man in disguise, they just might be a THOT.

Let me give a few characteristics of the feminine and masculine THOT. First the fem THOT. If he looks extra cute, but tells you he inbetween jobs or has lots of money but can’t tell you what he does for a living.. THOT. If his phone is constantly going off while y;all on a date and he gives you the stupid look.. he a THOT. If you go out and lots of people know him and look at you funny, he’s a THOT. If his asshole feels kinda hollow.. he a THOT. If he can slide your dick inside of him without no lube.. he a THOT. If he says that he needs 10+ inch dicks only.. he a THOT. If he expects you to pay for everything and y;all just met.. he a THOT. If he can’t talk about nothing but sex and how good he is.. he a THOT.

For the more masculine man.. if he sexy and ain’t got a job but always keep income.. he a THOT. If his phone keeps going off and has to constantly excuse himself.. he a THOT. IF y’all on a date and all the fem boys gawking at him.. he a THOT. If his dick can’t stay hard while y’all fucking.. he a THOT. If he can’t bust a nutt.. he a THOT. If he keeps condoms on him.. he a THOT. If he asks can he nut inside you on the first time.. he a THOT. If he needs to hide his phone all the time.. he a THOT.

By the way, here are a few communal traits that you might wanna look out for. If he always wants to fuck no matter when you last had sex.. he a THOT. If every time you see him at the club his shirt is always off.. he a THOT. If you constantly see him leaving with someone else.. say it.. he a THOT. Don’t let your one night stand turn into Fatal Attraction wit a THOT because you will always end up burned. LOL

Yes there can be exceptions to these character traits, but I can pretty much bet you that if you see these traits in the dude you think is your man, it’s probably a good chance that he’s a THOT. Warning: Be careful!! Because THOT’s want to be loved too and they will mask themselves very well in order to feel that love and continue to be taken care of. Watch for the street, educated THOT. Those are the ones who don’t need your money, but definitely wanna add your ass or dick to their collection plate. Yes, go on and fuck, but no don’t get your feelings attached.

Yes, I know there will people who disagree wit this and that’s fine. But after almost 14 years of experience in this lifestyle, I can say with much confidence that 99% of the THOTs in these streets exhibit these character traits. My goal is to help you notice what you gettin so that you don’t try to turn community dicks/ass into relationship dicks/ass, because for you that means disappointment.

Lemme know what you think.. How you feel. Let’s discuss. Both sides are welcome to speak.