Heart Chronicles – My Riders

I’ve often said at times in life, you find out who your riders really are. Moments in history where people show you who they are. Understanding the challenges thrown at you by life, they lend their energy, time, and resources to ensure that you can sufficiently meet and defeat the challenges facing you.

Times where it’s required for you to have your village show up for you. Supporting you to know they care. They see you and can, to some degree, feel your pain. Understanding to varying degrees the level of angst, relief, sadness, disappointment, pride, and love you feel in these situations. They marvel at you. The maturity, clarity, and calm that you possess and display.

Some questioning why you’re here to begin with. He didn’t like you at all. He loved you without question. They don’t understand why you’re here to acknowledge him when he failed to acknowledge you. What I found out was that sometimes, a former enemy can become an ally. The same one questioning you the most. The one with the most disappointment for who you are, realized, and/or understood the position you took and now take. Loving you for you. Enjoying and delighting in conversation.

Others wondering if you came for money and not the genuine love and support for your family. Bringing drama and dirt to the table that isn’t needed. Swatting that with calm and poise calmed all. Supported by a sister who knows your heart. Never doubting your respect and loyalty to your life principles. Familiar with your thoughts and feelings about the situation. Proud of your strength and resilience. Bouyed by your firmness and compassion.

The support of a friend, 34 years in the making. Oh, to be so fortunate and blessed to have someone in my life who loves me as a human so much to use his time to show up for me. No questions asked. My heart felt so much pride and joy. Words can’t fully encapsulate the level of respect and love that grew from me to him. I pray that you find that, that level of love. My best friend.

And my family… my blood family, cousins I love and fuck with bro. Aunts that ride with me so hard. Sisters who love me and cherish me. Brothers who love me and respect me. Never perfect, always striving to learn more to be more. My chosen family checking in amdist their hustling family life. Making sure I feel their love always. My sons taking their time to talk with me. Never leaving me alone if I reach out. My chocolate 🧸 bestie, lmao. Showing his love every day. Fussing with me and all. Lol. My lil baby callin in to show me love and keep me updated on his life. Giving me the support, care, and love we always promised to show, regardless of what’s happening.

My Atlanta family, bro. I love them so much. In the fuckery of life, they still manage to show up and speak. Talking with me, seeing about me. Never forcefully, always willingly. I’m so thankful for these people. Never needing to see about me. Always desiring to support me and keep me balanced. Distracting away from the shit being handled here. Giving me their time to comfort mines. This shit is challenging, bro.

For all those who just talked, I appreciate your words. That is more than what is required of you. Thank you for your support and love. For the friends who wish more could be done, I’m truly thankful for your existence. I wouldn’t be able to continue with vigor without you. The small things matter most.

For my MHO family. Bro, you a real one fr. You randomly show up and always by choice. Never ever by coercion. I will and am always eternally grateful for your care and concern, bro. May you be forever blessed. Just know what you know. You haven’t always been thinking. It’s understandable because you simply are functioning at times. Managing so much that you lose sight of all routine. To know someone understands and offers support.

To those who choose to be voluntarily absent. May you be given the joy of life that you seek. For me, this is where our street ends. Take care in life. Know that you will not be missed. I appreciate all the contributions you made to my life. Now, it’s time to go separate ways. Life’s challenges will always reveal who’s for you and who’s against you. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and build forward.

I’m so thankful for my riders, for my village. When times are tough, who shows up? Thank you to everyone. Special you are, and I will always be grateful for your love.

Heart Chronicles – Good bye

It began for you, August 3, 1948, and the sunset for you, December 25, 2024. There comes a time when we all must take our final breath and are laid for all to view. As I prepare for your final goodbye, I have had to help plan services for you when you never wanted a relationship with your openly gay son since I came out. I am reminded that alone in the world we came and alone in the world, we die.

Since I came back to my hometown, everything has felt forced and fake. People calling who don’t call. Always offering to be here to talk. Talk about what? It’s never been a secret that me and my father didn’t have a relationship at all. Maybe that’s why there’s so much silence. Very little genuine outreach. Whatever it is, I’ve felt it from most since news broke and I arrived here.

If you understand me at my core, you know that loving you doesn’t mean I necessarily like you or carry a healthy respect for you. I love my father. In life and death, I will always love him. Simply because he helped create me. There is a biological respect there that I will always honor. Never trying to mistake it for a genuine relationship. I don’t have a void to be filled from your passing. True enough, there is someone missing. I lost part of my existence. That’s a different kinda introspection.

When my grams died, that was a void. And to this day, it has yet to be filled. With you, after I came out, your void created when you walked away was filled by the women in my life. Not that I wasn’t open to a male figure stepping into that roll, but, real shit nobody ever stepped up. Not my uncles, cousins, or brothers. All the male shit I learned myself. Through trial and error. I patterned myself after the shit U neglected to do.

My momma, your ex-wife, is quick to remind me of the traits you have that were passed to me. I always accepted that I am a mix of my parents. I’m sure others would say I have some of you in me, naturally. What’s missed is how much I’m truly nothing like you. Why would you wanna create kids and never actively take a role in raising them and preparing them for the world. Leaving your responsibilities to our mommas and other family or friends to fill. I’m more disappointed that you couldn’t be man enough to address me. I accepted that years ago, too.

This journey to the end hasn’t been usual, normal or fun. Many days filled with questions and not getting any answers. Too many times, you shut down and went to my aunts with questions about how to handle me. How pathetic is that. My grams stayed in yo ass about me, and it never moved you. You lost your oldest son and instead of embracing me when you saw me at his service, paying my respect, you looked me dead center in the face, and ignored me like a common nigga in the street. But the woman behind me, whom you didn’t know, you greeted her with a smile and a polite handshake, thanking her for coming.

I remember the days as a child when you reluctantly came out to play basketball or football with me and my friends. Even thou you loved both sports. Anyone with a brain could see you weren’t interested. I remember being like 14 or 15, you showed me sum stanky ass magazines with naked women. Then, explained to me some of your nasty ass sex stories. I never gave a fuck and I didn’t wanna know. I know you felt it. I never faked happiness or excitement. I saw yours, thou. You thought you was indoctrinating me to your ways. Wrong nigga.

You were etching in my head shit I never wanted to do or how I wanted to be. Yea, I took some of them traits. My last three relationships have been fucked up in the sense that I didn’t hold all the value to them that they deserved. Rest assured, though, I truly respected and loved my ex’s. Always present and actively engaged in the relationship.

Through all of this, my solumn prayer is when you were alone in your final hours and minutes of life, you were at peace. I pray you found the forgiveness you needed and that now your spirit and soul are at peace. James L Reynolds Sr, I love you. For everything you were and all the shit you weren’t. I don’t exist without you, and that’s a respect that lives eternally.

Life Chronicles – America’s Misogyny Problem

I’ve digested my feelings for this past week. Again, I watched as America decided it will not elect a qualified woman to be President of this racist, patriarchal, White male-led country. The White women chose to vote with their race instead of their issues. The Latin community, mostly men, sided with a dictator, over their issues. Black men decided they would stay home and protest vote, while others decided to vote for a bigoted, racist who has never supported the community in the way it asks a Black woman to do. I’ve been reading, listening, and watching all the typical people come out and bullshit the nation about how out of touch the Democratic party is with blue collar workers. That’s the biggest fuckin lie in politics. They’re very in touch. Look at the policies of the current administration. Unemployment rate at 4%, good for all, especially Blacks. Student loan debt being cancelled and reduced. Paid Family leave being made law and required for all companies to offer. Persistent push to raise minimum wage, at all levels, to at least $15/hr. That raises the floor that all people get paid. That allows for people to make a wage that is more living life worthy.

Make sure LGBTQ+ people have equal rights and protections under the law. Providing quality healthcare access to more than 50 million people, who couldn’t get covered. And lowering costs for the hundreds of millions of others who have private insurance. Wow, they really must be out of touch. All you ignorant ass motha fuckas who sit out here and bitch about how things are, but you don’t vote and when you do, your dumb ass wastes your vote on people who will never win, or on a candidate who won’t do a fucking thing to help your life. Did your dumb asses forget what America was like under Trump pre-Covid. The economy was tanking. The stock market was high, but the job market was suffering. The economy lost millions of jobs under Trump before Covid. Oh, and for you ignorant ass people who think it was Trump who was responsible for the Covid payments, let me be the last and next to educate your stupid ass.

Congress is responsible for ALL financial laws and bills that become law. You got the money because of a Democratic-led House of Representatives, under the leadership of Speaker of the House, Nanci Pelosi. Oh, that’s right a WOMAN, you stupid bitches. She and her colleagues felt that all y’all ignorant Americans needed a check to make it easier for you to live in a shutdown economy. In fact, they wanted to give you MORE money. They wanted to give you between $2500-$3500 a month, for three to six months. Do you know who rejected that idea and stalled progress on it until the amount came down to the $1200 checks you got… DONALD TRUMP and the REPUBLICANS. So, for all the stupid people that voted for Trump because of the stimmi check, dumb bitch you didn’t get the check because of him, you got the check in spite of him. And more could’ve been had if he had been willing to agree to it.

Now that we’ve established that, let’s really unpack what happened. America is still a racist nation, founded for and catering to the whims of White men, and now, old ass, nasty White men. They flexed all their muscle this week and it showed with the White women, who for the past 4 years, have been trending away from Trump, but chose to support him at a 57% clip. We will have to find the perfect woman candidate to run and win. Let’s be honest, she will probably have to be a Republican, and the chances of a woman Republican candidate getting the nomination for President is as likely as me becoming President. Notice that in multiple Presidential nominating contests, Republicans have fielded qualified women candidates who were defeated handily, by the Orange blob. Democrats were able to nominate two candidates and both times America said they weren’t going to support her. In a country where 157+ million people voted in 2020, we’ve had 18+ million fewer people vote this year. And most of them were Democrats. Now explain that to me. And don’t say the economy because I’ve already given you the data that shows you’re better off.

And yes, Imma regular nigga who knows the price of everything is high as fuck. I also understand a President saying he wants to impose 20% tariffs is only going to cause the price of shit to go through the fuckin rough. But you dumb assholes think because he plays a successful businessman on tv that he’s going to fix shit. Now his administration is going to ride the economic and fiscal policies of the current administration for their first year or so in office and take credit. All those jobs that are about to start because of the Infrastructure bill that passed under this Congress and administration, his people are gonna try and take credit for that. And you stupid-ass simpletons are going to let him. When the truth is they will be because of Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, and the Democrats in the House of Representatives that got that legislation through Congress. What is it about this nation that when faced with the opportunity to continue growth and prosperity, you always choose regression, racism, misogyny, and divisiveness? I’ve only seen this country choose togetherness, in the modern era, once. The elections of Barack Obama as our 44th President. And because he didn’t give Black people, especially men, everything they wanted, they’ve vilified him every since.

We do not live in a country of balance and equality. We have always lived in a country of tolerance. The White ruling class tolerates Black prominence to an extent. When they feel it’s reached too far into their comfort, they will pull it back and remind folks of why America is never the greatest nation in the world. But adding to that, niggas, y’all are the biggest part of the problem. We constitute enough of a population block in this country that if we truly voted as a community 85% of the time in elections, do you know how many times the candidates that supported our initiatives and causes would have been elected. Can you imagine how different the country would be if we, Black people, took our vote as seriously as our ancestors who marched, bled, cried, and died for us to have this right? Yet, we choose to create some bullshit reasons, fake ass obstacles, and ignorant ass rationales why we have to sit out or support the racist over someone who truly is trying to improve the situation.

Now let me also not be ignorant or blind. I understand that Democrats haven’t done the best job at delivering on their promises at any point in this American experiment. When the political winds have been present, they’ve always chosen a pragmatic approach that attempts to isolate none and fully satisfy none as well. That definitely hurts their case when presented to people. The reason that the Republicans rarely suffer that fate, is because they don’t expand their tent truthfully. They open the backdoor for people who will latch on to one or two of their policies that fit their beliefs and ignore the 15 others that are contradictory to their daily life survival. We continue to live in this prism of oppression and repression. Allowing nigga turncoats like Candice Owens and Ray J and others to perpetuate the hate and divisiveness coming from the racists and bigots for their gain. If you want the real answers to what happened. White people became uncomfortable with Joe Biden because he’s too fucking old. Kamala Harris was the only candidate who could use the Presidential fundraising dollars amassed by the Biden Harris team. American people said they couldn’t vote for him, and they wouldn’t vote for her. Trump knew it and so did his people.

And let’s also be clear. I don’t want a single fucking media member, talking head, political advisor or anyone else coming to the Black community and asking or begging for us to do shit. Similarly, if you’re one of the ignorant niggas who voted for Trump or didn’t vote at all because you’re dumb as fuck, shut the fuck up! I don’t wanna hear your complaints, grips, or bitching. You are the reason that we’re all having to endure another 4 years of this ignorant shit. Fuck all you who thought that this was the best course of action. America will always be for the White man. The bigoted, racist, misogynistic, prejudiced White man.

Heart Chronicles – Fatherhood is Real

In the span of 55 days life showed me just how much of father I really am. Navigating my own personal issues, an exploding professional career, and my sons needing me for dramatically different, yet equally life changing and moving moments. Getting a realization of just how demanding being a present, and active father is. I’m so thankful for it! I’m blessed that I’ve been given the chance to mentor, discipline, critique, develop, mature, mold. When you face things for the first time, there is an expectation that it could fail spectacularly. There’s also the expectation that it could succeed beyond what You could’ve imagined.

Life is never going to truly be predictable. Regardless of how much we follow the same routine, everyday there will be something different that happens that You must alter the plan to address. Sometimes the block is small, a bump you can simply drive over, or walk through. In those times, we remember how we do the familiar thing or things, and we carry on. Confidence never shaken or disturbed. Then there are the blocks that require more work and attention. That level of focus can make you waver for a moment, but you find the solutions quickly and you are unimpeded any further. And then, there are those blocks that require fuckin grit and resolve. Fuck what you thought you knew. This type of energy You’re about to put out, You ain’t seen this shit before. I don’t know if I have the ability to do this. I don’t really know what’s happening internally, death is swirling, depression is heavy like a bitch, hurt is suffocating my lungs, pain is thunderously thumping in my head, anger is spewing out my pours. How am I supposed to navigate all these emotions and the biggest one of them all, shared across all the spirits I touch and discuss with, is fear! All of those previously mentioned emotions are connected to the biggest bitch of them all. Everyone is scared of something. Living life alone, living life miserably, losing life recklessly, unsure of their survival in life.

There isn’t always a thank you at the end of these situations. The blocks come and we’re ushered in to protect, defend, support, correct, resolve the blocks for you. Getting a thank you or I love you and being satisfied knowing You just helped someone through a challenging block in life. Listening to and learning from the people chosen to be the closest to me in life is phenomenal. Supporting your kid when they a parent is a special and beautiful feeling. Through the pain, hurt, anger, sadness, disappointment, depression, and torment is a lasting bond. Built on the strength of support for, and love of one another. Crying, laughing, talking together. Hours and hours of time spent, reminding You of Your brilliance and relevance. Showing you the evolution of You and introducing You to the next levels of life. Through it all You made me so proud of You. Never quitting, always standing up for yourself. Knowing when to humble Yourself. The biggest compliment a stranger EVER gave me was the one from Your family. I am and will forever be grateful, humbled, and honored that someone viewed Us as a family unit. You allowed me into Your private space and Your personal moment. The biggest compliment I’ve ever received from You came later that day. When You told me that I am a root in Your life. I could never see my life without you kid. For all these years, You have been part of my heart and I’m so thankful and humbled for You. I’m never leaving You.

Through that shit there was some other shit happening that required my attention, and it was as personal as it gets. I had my own shit to deal with and it’s been so fuckin scary at times. I’ve never had a feeling like this before. Scared and unsure. Not understanding what the fuck is happening. Trying not to scare everyone half to death, while also raising the alarm that something not right and I need my circle. Bruh, that motha fucka responded like a boomerang. From afar questions and prayers poured into me. Love and affection for me kept being sent in waves. Allowing me to push forward and keep moving despite the pain and discomfort. How did I go through the worst of this shit, prayerfully, by myself. All the fuck niggas claiming to care this and be here for me that was doing just that… Talking and claiming to be that nigga. Well guess what bitch niggas, the moment is and has been here for You to show that and ALL You’ve shown is how much of a bitch nigga You are. In my neediest of moments, it was the guidance of my village that pushed me over. The constant check-ins and list of things to try to help me through. And it was my son, when I really needed someone who came through with no questions asked. I told him what I needed, and He delivered fully and willingly.

The moment came where I had to blend my two worlds. My blood one and my chosen one, again. It’s been a long time since my momma was introduced to someone from my chosen world. Today would be another day. She thanked him with the gratitude of a concerned mother not there for her son. He reassured her with the love of a son who was always going to be there for his daddy no matter what. As he said to her when she thanked him, “I have no choice, I have to be here.” They shared their collective concern for my well-being. Knowing that I don’t these types of life situations crawl upon me often. Knowing also that my work with my kidd isn’t done. We one more heavy lift that must be addressed. I’ve pushed it off and he’s kept it away for long enough. We must deal with his torment and pain. I have to summon that strength and energy again. To deal with the hurdles of life with him and beside him, to allow him to fully get his life back.

And then there is role of a father when the support needed is stern and unwavering. No matter how he presents himself to You, You must always maintain that consistent level of accountability and compassion. Love on him right where he is. Allow him to understand that love is never far and will always be there for him. Accountability is right at the same distance and must be taken to resume control over life. Love is just as intoxicating a drug and crack, crystal meth, weed, alcohol, and any other substance taken to control our emotions. Holding someone accountable who is barely able to hold themselves accountable is a challenge. A necessary one that must be taken to ensure that He doesn’t fully lose himself to life and his coping drugs of choice. Never forget that we’re one fucked up life event away from being just as compromised. How hard of a responsibility is that. To have them tell You that they can’t go to their blood because they can’t, don’t, and won’t understand. You are that stable beacon of reasoning, rationality, discipline, accountability, love, and protection needed.

Fatherhood is a priceless joy that comes with great responsibility. It’s a thankless job, with little celebration, but the reward is eternal. Even when you have to be critical of a son who let his lust of a man interfere with his rational judgement, and it could potentially destroy his foundation. Understanding that attentiveness and understanding of a situation is ALWAYS required when living with others. Don’t allow the fantastical dreams disrupt the settled reality created. It never ends up being worth it. Most times, you lose out on both friends because they had them before you. Understand that You can’t always help who you connect with, but You can help what house you tear down. Love is not wicked or toxic like that. It will never lead you to damage another home, no matter how fucked up its built or how weak the foundation is. Let one situation end before the next one begins. The funny shit about that is when one son was talking about this brother, he says “when he talks, I swear he sounds just like you!” Laughing the whole time. And then I remind him, You sound just like me too. And we both laugh! What a special feeling and dynamic moment it is to be a father/daddy.

Life Chronicles – Supreme Court of Hypocrisy

I’m sure anything that I pose here isn’t going to be Earth shattering, or different from what has already been written and discussed about the final legal rulings of this term given by the Supreme Court of the United States. In a week unlike any other in American history, the Supreme Court decided it was going to throw its weight around and rewrite American history, this time not in the affirmative of rights of the people, but in stripping and restricting rights, access, and advancement in this country.

If I understand this correctly, mostly White business owners, and Congressmen, who didn’t need their PPP loans forgiven, were granted that, but students who went to college and completed their education, were denied relief from the anvil that is student loans because the Supreme Court said that the Secretary of Education went too far in providing relief. Then the Justices decided that they were going to take a hypothetical case, with a hypothetical scenario, with a fictious story and ram it through the court that now allows for businesses to deny service to LGBTQ+ people because it infringes on their religious beliefs.

And if that wasn’t enough, they threw the haymaker and said that Affirmative Action in higher education is unconstitutional. All of these cases were decided along ideological lines for the justices. The 6 Conservative Justices in the majority and the 3 Liberal Justices in the dissent. The thing that I continue to find remarkable is every time Justice Clarence Thomas, a Black man, has the opportunity to decide cases of Affirmative Action, he ALWAYS sides with the Conservative Justices, either in dissent or concurrence. It’s as if he forgot that he’s a Black man, whose seat on the bench is a DIRECT result of Affirmative Action. As if he forgets that part of his privileged education came because of Affirmative Action policies in higher education. He has drank from the well for so long, that instead of being a proponent for the advancement of the Black community, he finds a way to sink further away from the community.

So, as I sit here today, I’m asking myself what this means for me, and the generations behind me that are coming up, and the generations that haven’t been born yet. I am torn in so many different ways because each of these rulings impact my life in one way or another. I am an adult with substantial student loans to pay back. That $20,000 that was going to come off the books would’ve helped immensely for me. I am a Black man, who has more educational goals than just my bachelor’s degree. How does phasing out Affirmative Action in the decision-making process impact my chances of acceptance to reputable graduate institutions. I’m a proud part of the LGBTQ+ community, and I’m really nervous about how this ruling will open the door for further removal of rights for my community.

For as many people that feel all these rulings are appropriate, ask yourselves, would you be supportive if you were one of the class of people affected? I’m sure for most of you the answer would be no. When people ask the question how did this right or that right get taken away by an Earth-shattering ruling, we look back on these major rulings that laid the groundwork for that catastrophic ruling to be made. This activist court is laying all the requisite foundation for more consequential changes to come regarding Affirmative Action, financial equality, and LGBTQ+ rights. We must be mindful and proactive to ensure we can elect officials that will select judges who will rule with an eye towards equality and true justice.

These decisions that these nine men and women are making aren’t just in a silo. They don’t just affect the country along the ideological spectrum that agrees with their rulings. They affect everyone and everything that we do in life. There is a danger that this court is reverting American policy back to the “Good Ole Days” of White majority rule. Restricting the progress of American life and democracy. The constitution granted rights to ALL citizens, not a few or the ones that have the power to control. Why are these ruling so consequential? Black people have been disenfranchised since being brought to America, Affirmative Action was a Conservative policy enacted to help level the field. Take that away in higher education, is the business world next? If that happens, do we go back to seeing even more majority White C-suite offices in Corporate America?

Why is relief so difficult to come by for everyday Americans? We let corporations, company executives, and wealthy individuals get away with debt relief and financial restructuring all the time. But when a policy is written that aids everyday people with managing finances and lightening their debt loads, the court or government, want to say that’s a bridge too far. I guess that Reganomics is still prevalent today huh. Who the fuck knew that an outdated, ineffective policy from the 1980’s would still be guiding an entire ideologies belief set. Help the rich, fuck the rest right.

And the LGBTQ+ situation, I could spend 50 blogs writing about the ramifications of what the court just did. You have a ruling that was based on a hypothetical that doesn’t exist, you lied about the man in your brief. You said he was gay, and he asked for your site to make a wedding site for him. The truth is that the man is straight and has been married for 15 years, oh and he didn’t ask the lady for anything. Bruh are we really living in a world where the government, White folks, still making up shit just to get a policy they don’t believe is just overturned. I’m not shocked, I’m just tired of the shit happening every time we turn around.

The sad truth is that as long as we live in a society where there is one class of people who still believes that they are superior to others, we will always be in a place where we have to be concerned with the courts rewriting history in a negative aspect for those in the minority and who have little to no power. Speak up, speak out, do something and advocate for and effect change.

Heart Chronicles – Commencement for Kings

It’s been a little over a month since crossed the stage and became a Morehouse Man. Cloaked in all my regalia. Stoles, cords, academic hood, dressed to the 10’s, in school colors no less, and a smile that could light even the darkest room. The energy and atmosphere on that Sunday morning, May 21, 2023, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life. I don’t know how other institutions, or HBCU’s conduct their commencement ceremonies and weekends, but what I do know is there is NOTHING like a Morehouse commencement.

For one, starting that Sunday morning was a big ass challenge, LOL! I was cross-faded, drunk, and high. That had its own share of obstacles, especially when I didn’t lay down and close my eyes until 2 something in the morning, and I had to be up at 4:45am. Yet, I plied my ass out that bed, nothing was going to stop me from living in this moment and giving my momma her moment to glow and receive all the praise she deserved from having her only child, a Black man no less, achieve something is rare in our community. Being a Black man graduating college, statistics say I have a better probability of being in jail than being a college graduate, which is an accomplishment that needed to happen. Enough pretending to be a Morehouse Man, time to step into those shoes and fly to the moon.

Second, having to be on campus by 6:30am was whew! Just so early, but again I was going to do what needed to be done. Yet once we were instructed to line up to begin our final march on campus as students, the energy and the atmosphere shot thru the roof. Everyone woke up and once we got outside, as the sun was rising over the buildings, the buzz began to grow. The alumni arrived, parents, family, and friends were showing up in numbers. The faculty and administration had gathered at the top of the hill at our student center, waiting for us to take the Tiger walk down to the Century Campus, to take our rightful place in Morehouse College history. My body was immediately infused with this energy that was dynamic. It was too positively powerful to let tears fall, I just couldn’t stop smiling. 17 years in the making, and the day had finally arrived. The moment was upon us, and it was being recorded for the world to see.

That walk I’ve taken thousands of times over the years of being on campus, but it never felt as symbolic, important, and monumental as right then at approximately 8:30am. With alumni lining the street on both sides of us as we started our walk to history. They were so lively and energetic. Clapping, smiling, recording, high fiving, congratulating and basking in the glow of another round of intelligent, dynamic, Morehouse Men ready to take this world and lead it from whatever perch we happen to land upon. Cheers, applause, hugs, shouts, handshakes, and endless banter filled the walk, space, and time as we took the slow, but continuous march to the big show. The commencement master of ceremonies talking about the attributes of our class. Priming the families and friends of the 407 graduates of the class of 2023. And once we reached the top of the hill, my God it was a sight I never saw in person. Thousands and thousands of Black folk losing their minds as we entered the arena. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends all on their feet euphoric as their loved ones marched into their destiny.

As I couldn’t do that day, but I’m doing as I write this and my mind takes me back to that fateful morning, tears are streaming down my face right now as I just think and appreciate how special that day was. In fact, that whole weekend was. As is typical of Morehouse College, we never have typical anything. So, we filled that weekend with special events and moments that allowed students and parents to being the process of preparation for that special day. Ceremonies that welcomed us into the alumni ranks, ceremonies that let us pay homage to our parents/guardians that were instrumental in helping to get us to this time. In each event, my mom allowed herself to be present and her emotions overwhelmed her as she just shined and beamed with so much pride and joy in me, her son, and my accomplishments.

I will never, ever forget that day. The emotions and pride I felt within myself. The beauty, pageantry, majesty, power, and magic of seeing hundreds of supremely talented Black men in one place, being honored and praised for our excellence. I hope that everyone is able to experience something like this in their lifetimes. You deserve to have your emotions and feelings pushed to this magnitude. The question becomes what I do with this achievement and how do I build upon it to take me to a higher level. Those plans are being crafted as we speak.

Thank you, momma, for always believing in me and loving me through my challenges. Thank you, Grams, for believing in me and pushing me to come back and finish what I started. Even though you aren’t present physically with us anymore, the way everything went off perfectly that weekend, you were clearly here with me in spirit. I am eternally grateful to everyone who pushed for me, who encouraged me, who loved on me, who understood my lack of availability while I finished this part of my journey. I fuckin’ did it!!!! Morehouse College c/o 2023!!!

Battle of the Dinosaurs

As I come back down to Earth from the most amazing weekend I’ve experienced in a long time, I’m watching what’s going on in the political world and it reinforces some narratives I’ve thought of for years and exposes America’s weaknesses even more. We are sitting on the cusp of having our next Presidential election be a redo of the last one. On the surface that isn’t the worst thing that could happen. However, when you understand that in 2020 the race was between a 78-year-old Joe Biden and a 75-year-old Donald Trump. Which means this time around, you have an 82-year-old Biden and 79-year-old Trump. What the fuck are we doing as a country that our leading candidates to lead the nation are old ass dinosaurs. Let me be clear, I have no problem with our Senior Citizens giving their wisdom and experience to the nation, but I do not believe they should in control of the “most dynamic nation in the free world”.

When you look at the men and women who have been elected leaders of their countries around the world, many leaders are significantly younger than our current American President, and his primary challenger for the position. They are more diverse in terms of race, gender, and background, than our current slate of candidates for the Presidency. Yes, some of you may say look at the Republican field. It’s diverse and has women and a Black man running for office. My response to you would be, bull shit and more bull shit. Do you really think that goof ball Tim Scott, of South Carolina, has a remote chance at winning the nomination. The dumb shit he kept saying and the weird dancing he was doing, will not endear him to anyone in the electorate. Nikki Haley, there’s another choice that realistically has not a snowballs chance in hell of becoming the nominee either. Why do I say that? Well look at the party. The modern-day Republican party is one of bigotry, misogyny, isolation, White patriarchy, and regression. Electable women do not fit in that mold, unless you’re a loudmouth, ignorant, Trump supporter. Therein lies the rub, those people can never win a Presidential election.

So, we as a nation are staring at a rematch of all the things that really should be the past of America. Instead, it is the present and future, for at least the next 6 years. When will some of you get off the notion that a younger candidate is an unprepared candidate? Do you realize that under younger Presidents America has been the most successful and innovative. Under John Kennedy we had the race to the moon, and the beginnings of the Civil Rights Movement. Under Clinton we had record surpluses in the National budget and many corporations that ran surpluses actually gave the money back to regular employees and not just the CEO or c-suite executives. Under Obama Universal healthcare became the norm. Don’t ask don’t tell went away, same gender marriage became legal, we killed the leader of the 9/11 attacks. What is the common thread amongst these men? They are all Democrats, and they were all young when elected President of the United States. Progress means accepting the youth movement and allowing it to proliferate into the realms of your businesses and institutions. That’s the only way that we move civilization forward in the ways it’s intended.

Instead of total forward progress, we find ourselves mired in another unofficial civil war. In the Conservative parts of America, Republicans are leading the charge to regress to eras gone by where old, and young, White men controlled and ruled the day. Even the White women elected as Republicans are governing blindly against their own interests. To ignore your child’s wishes because you think that they’re unable to fully understand themselves is laughable. To try and police the information that the world knows about this country’s founding and the devilish things Whites did to ascend to power is criminal. How do they do it, by restricting access to reading material that is comprehensive. By controlling school boards and local elections to restrict dynamic curriculums being created. By finding and appointing judges who will interpret the law to be in agreement with the outdated principles of their leaders. And by gerrymandering state districts to restrict and prevent true and accurate elected officials from obtaining office. In Liberal parts of the country, Democrats are trying to push the nation to become current with the times. Updated technology, modern electrical grids, dynamic school systems, upgraded tax codes that offer a shot at fair tax collection, updated public transit, and elected leaders that reflect the demographics of the areas in which they represent. Not to mention judges who don’t take a penal view of the law, but a just and redemptive approach to issuing justice to criminal offenders.

This brings me back to the two leading representatives of the political parties. Joe Biden, the Democrat, and Donald Trump, the Republican. One man reshaped his entire party to reflect the hateful, destructive views of many of his electorate, while the other capitalized on the fear of his electorate to endure years of a corrosive, damaging leader. The results were not what anyone expected but were extremely predictable. When America is uncertain about things, it turns to old White men to stabilize and reset the country. After 8 years of a Black man leading this nation, it turned to an old White man who had outdated beliefs because the new way was too dynamic for many of the old ass people living in this country. Young people wanted more and so the candidates offered in 2016 didn’t deliver on that, hence the Orange walrus being elected. In 2020, the field boasted new, fresh candidates, but none that excited the masses and none that offered a bold enough solution to remove the stench that engulfed America for 4 years, so we went with an old, White man who promised to “restore the soul of America”, and to “restore America’s place in the world”. Instead, what we’ve gotten so far is a half ass move towards progression in some ways and a regression to “Old White America” in most other ways.

As we stand just a year and a half away from the next Presidential election, we must answer the question: Do we really want to sit through another old ass geriatric election between two old farts that need to be sitting in their retirement homes enjoying the twilight years of their lives, not trying to run the most expansive country in the world. Neither Trump nor Biden are dynamic thinkers, movers, or organizers. They are writing American history that is truly dynamic, they are rewriting a narrative already written with moderate changes to the story. In Trump’s case, his party is rewriting the narrative and it’s going to destroy the nation of the other elected Republican leaders don’t break the zombie hold Trump has on the party. Buckle up, the dementia, outbursts, and rants are going to be on full display. What will also be on display is the embarrassing representation by our political leaders. Many of them are old, White, and male. Let the battle of the old White men commence.

Life Chronicles – Morehouse Man

Damn it y’all I fuckin’ did it!!! It’s been 17 years in the making, but I am officially a Morehouse Man. Back in May 2002, when I wrote my acceptance letter to Morehouse College, informing them of my intention to enroll and accepting the offer letter they sent me, I just knew that in 4 years I would graduate with a degree from one of the best college institutions in America, and the best HBCU in the land. I never expected that life would.. well life, and it would take me 17 years to complete the journey I started all those years ago.

The feeling that I felt when I realized that the journey was complete was surreal. It was on Wednesday night, around 8:30 pm, after my Marketing Management class was over. The final project for the class was complete and I knew at that moment it was done. That was the only thing that could’ve kept me from passing the course, so I had to focus and make sure that I not only finished the assignment, but that I put my A effort because I had a goal to accomplish. Knowing that I had done so after I submitted the assignment, all the emotions hit me at one time. I cried my eyes out for about 40 minutes. A Black man in America graduating college, those odds are steep. Fuck what you hear about equality. A Black man is more likely to get shot in the streets or to be locked up in jail than he is to graduate from college. Not only am I graduating from college, but it’s also one of the best colleges in America. The dream realized, a journey complete, a promise kept, a goal completed.

The emotions came from so many different places. Realizing that my journey to this point was anything but smooth. Leaving school, re-enrolling and finding out that things changed so you can’t go back without satisfying a balance that you didn’t have the money to pay. Make another attempt at returning, only to have your mother switch up on the plan y’all made together, ruined and facing the prospects of never graduating from the place you yearned for. Also, maybe not being a graduate at all. Some may say why do you even care? A college degree has been devalued in this country for a few years now. The most successful and wealthiest people do not have a degree. They don’t have that debt burdening them down. Those points are true, but for me, it was something I always wanted and aspired to accomplish. It’s challenging for Black people to earn a college degree. The failed everything that happened along the way and to finally be at the top of this mountain.

This moment was supposed to be shared in the physical presence of my gramz. She was my biggest supporter all the time. She always believed in anything I did and would always remind me that I needed to finish school. I promised her for years that I would. I never told her how my moms fucked that up in 2010 with her selfish decision. I kept my head down, hoping for the opening to go back and finish. That door opened in 2021 and I jumped at the chance. With the Morehouse Online program being launched, the opportunity was being presented and I was going to do what it took to finish. First thing was to pay off the debt still owed to the school. It still blows my mind that a damn college would hold a financial debt on it “college books” instead of sending it to collections like most businesses do when you owe a balance. Given that it had been 15 years I just knew I didn’t have to pay that $1100 back. Wrong! They made sure that they got their money.

For the better part of the last 17 years I had been living a life of a lie. Everyone in my professional world, and most in my personal life assumed that I graduated from college. Primarily because I spent 3 plus years in school. I withdrew early in the Spring semester of 2006. I was burned out, tired, and my personal life was really fucking with me. I needed a break and had come up with a plan to take a year away, re-enroll in Spring 2007 and complete my degree. Well, you know even the best plan is just that, a plan. Life did what it does, and that plan got all fucked up, so I had to adjust and pivot. Still operating under the guise of being a graduate in Corporate America. In some ways, that fear of being found out paralyzed me more than I even realized. My light shined so brightly for me at a young age in the corporate world. But not having my degree completed was always in the back of my mind. I wondered if I applied for positions that were truly a stretch would I be found out because the company would do a thorough background check and see that I was a dropout, not a graduate.

I danced around with the idea of going to another school to finish, but I knew the hassles of that. Trying to find another HBCU that would accept the majority of my credits, so I didn’t start over as a Sophomore was going to be difficult, plus, I didn’t want to finish anywhere else. I wanted to finish at Morehouse. Despite struggling with desires to change schools for a different scenery and environment during the years I was on campus, and a personal life that almost saw me attempt to transfer to Howard or Hampton to be closer to my then lover. I just felt that deep down, this school was the place that would prepare me best for the world that I was going to live in. And in truth, Morehouse did a tremendous job of that in just 3 years. These final years spent finishing have opened my eyes to new things, new understandings about myself and my heritage, and made me an even more dynamic person. Dreams do come true, you have to do the work though.

Here I find myself today, reflecting on the LONG journey that has gotten me to this point. I hope that my gramz is looking down smiling at me. Talking about me to my family that she’s with up in heaven. Proud of her grandson for finishing the journey I started. Proud that I kept the promise that I made to her. I miss you so much and my heart fills with emotion when I think about you and hearing your voice in my head. I know that if you were here, the family would be tired of you. LOL. I know that you wouldn’t stop talking about this moment. This weekend will be a celebration of me and I will be thinking about you. I cry tears of joy and tears of hurt when I think about this accomplishment and you not physically being here to celebrate in it. Know that I strive to make you proud and I know I don’t always achieve that goal, but more often than not I aim to accomplish it.

Being able to not live a lie and to confidently and boldly walk in my truth of being a graduate is so freeing. I feel like the rest of the goals and ambitions I had I can complete without fear of looking over my shoulder. Because I sealed this deal. Look me up and you will find my name with Morehouse College part of my educational background and a degree in Business Administration: Management under it. Walk in your truth and doors will be opened. As many that were opened before, when I was walking in half-truths, more will be open now that I walk in full truth. To God be the glory! My momma is preparing to slide down to Atlanta, and she is bringing some of the fam with her. Friends and my chosen family are going to be in attendance too. What a time to be alive. No time to stop though, I have and will pause to reflect, appreciate, enjoy, and celebrate this momentous achievement. Then on to pushing hard to make more goals reality, more dreams into possibilities and more opportunities to the table.

For now I’m truly allowing all of this to sink in. I gotta say it again: I am a fuckin Morehouse Man! Graduate C/O 2023. Thank you and I’m done.

I am Whoever I Say I am

One of the most challenging things about actively living with dueling personalities is that they clash so frequently that finding a happy balance is increasingly difficult to accomplish. I struggle on a, damn near, everyday basis to meet the required need of both people that control the space in my brain. Someone might read this opening and ‘What the fuck did he just say?” And someone else might read it and go “that sounds just like me.” Wherever you fit on that spectrum know that there are more people like me than unlike me, they just might be unaware of it.

Ironically enough I have no idea when these two people split and became fully independent people living within my body. I’m not sure who came first, but I do who is most dominant. Yet, I’m not really sure of the actions of which person sometimes because it’s like there are moments when they’re moving on one accord, with one mind and purpose. Then, there are times where I know these two motha fuckers are battling it out to determine who will have the final say of the day. I’m never one to make a scene of what’s going on in my mind and in my body. I prefer to quietly manage these two individuals and hope to force a balance of what they want. There was a time where I was successful in this approach. I was able to fully integrate the needs and wants of both people into a day, or a week, or a month. Now, it doesn’t work at all and I feel like sometimes I lose the fight and it scares me because I fear that one is sabotaging the other, which in the end will fuck me over and destroy all I’m working to rebuild again, from a failed attempt to appease one person more than the other.

The funny thing about me and the people that reside in my head is that they attract vastly different people when they’re in control of things. One version of me attracts the quiet, shy, reserved guy. If you met him in the streets, he’s going to steal the show because his light shines bright from the background. He’s loyal, humble and respectful. That type of guy appeals to me in so many ways. It fits the balance that needs to be had because I tend to be very eccentric and outgoing. I don’t mind walking into any room, anywhere, and owning that bitch. So, to have someone on my side who doesn’t need or want that shine on that level is a bonus. On the other side, the other person attracts the same type of personality as me. The guy is outgoing and loud in his own right. His light shines bright, and he tends to be a little more ratchet than what is comfortable for me, but I appreciate it because it shows me my abilities and my limits with people. It allows me to demonstrate my true dominant nature, because to have influence in that situation, my dominance must be consistent.

Aside from the vast difference in guys I attract when each one is in control, my actions, emotions, needs, wants, and desires shift also. One version of me is satisfied with a under the radar life. I’m not being checked for regularly. People aren’t trying to find out what I’m doing, who I’m doing it with, and where I’m doing it at. Conversely, the other man in my brain wants to live life! Have more, be more, do more. The odd thing is that I feel comfortable in both settings. When the more extroverted person is out, I can pretty comfortably ride in that space as well. More eyes become fixed on me and there are more conversations had about me, and what I’m doing. The difficult part is getting the calm, introverted person to go along with the extroverted person, that’s where all the issues begin. To slow down or to speed up, and when to do each one leads to so many interesting conversations in my head, and probably some missed opportunities along the way.

One factor that impacted the rate of growth in my life was the lack of completion of my college degree. Admitting this today is not difficult, but it comes with a little trepidation. When I chose to leave school back in February of 2006, I thought it was the wise chose given the state of my life. I needed a break and taking a semester off would be good for me. I could handle the obstacles in my life, then refocus and finish my degree the following school year. The plan was off to a great start. Then life happened and derailed everything. For the better part of the last 17 years, I continued to live the life I never finished. I was pretending to be a college graduate because I only had 1 semester to finish. In my mind, I pretty much learned everything that I was going to need to say I was a college graduate. Yet, I wasn’t and there was still more that I needed to learn from an Academic, and preparedness standpoint that would have greatly benefitted me. But, after things fell apart a second time, I felt I couldn’t wait any longer and moved forward living the persona, because I had already started to build the foundation with it, to strip it away would’ve been disastrous.

I secretly lived with that fear for all these years. Knowing that at any moment if someone wanted to do a check to verify me, if a business wanted to make sure they knew who they were hiring, all they had to do was a search and they would find out that I didn’t graduate college like I said on my resume. I was a fraud. I was pretending that I had my shit all together when the reality was, I was riding half-assed out here. Trying my hardest to be seen but not shine too bright, because at any moment my trump card could be pulled, and I wouldn’t be able to defend any of it. That is until two years ago. I took the step to go back and finish what I started all those years ago. Back to the place I began, to close that chapter the right way. Some may ask why didn’t you just go back at any point and finish? Because I wanted to finish where I started, in my mind nowhere else was sufficient for me. Morehouse College, despite all its flaws and shortcomings, is a special place that carries special meaning. The name speaks volumes in many circles, despite what others may think.

This was the dream and the vision that needed to be completed. To become a Morehouse Man was the goal I made in May 2002, when I wrote my acceptance letter to Morehouse College. Every day after that day I was striving to accomplish that goal. Living life, especially in the professional world, without my degree was tough, but I did it for 17 years. No one in my professional life knows now or knew before now that I didn’t have my degree. I climbed the latter to a point and then I would get stuck. Part of it was being in my head, not wanting to get outed and embarrassed. Part of it was not having the full training needed to grasp the opportunities and thrive with them successfully. It exacerbated the split in my personalities I believe. The introvert was content to take the modest gains and live that life. The extrovert wanted more and felt that why should those few missing hours and courses hold me back. Let’s find a way, through mentors and just hard work, to obtain the skills and knowledge needed to be an exceptional corporate professional. That way no one would want to question my background, because my work speaks for itself, and the assumption of a polished educational background would be a given.

Fast forward to the now, the fake life living is over. As of Friday, May 12, 2023, I am officially a college graduate!!! I am graduating this Sunday from the only undergraduate institution that I felt suited me. I am finally a Morehouse Man! When I cross that stage to accept my degree, what a sweet, beautiful moment that will be. Maybe that will help to make the two people work to become whole. Still needing their space to run free and control my brain, but in a more controlled and complimentary way. I guess time will tell. I also know that writing this blog just released sooo much tension and fear. Thank you for reading and hopefully this helps someone else out there.

Until next time y’all. I’m signing off this post.

Life Chronicles – The Brittney Griner Outrage

Laughing at some of the comments I’ve heard since the release of Brittney Griner seemed to be the correct approach as opposed to being upset or disgusted. I wasn’t surprised that sooo many “patriotic” Americans were outraged that the U.S. government negotiated to get an “athlete” back home over an “American patriot”. Oh, and part of the specificity for why they were so mad is because of the individual we swapped Griner for. While at first glance one might say, “damn, why the fuck did we trade this guy for her?” A closer and more educated analysis would bring to light the consciousness needed in this matter. You’re trading with an enemy, who has despised you for decades, why would you think they’re going to accept a nominal, low level person in return. Consider the facts, if B.G. was a man, she would be world known far more than what she is. Her resume is unquestioned in terms of its greatness, yet, she has to hoop in Russia to make the money she should make in the States because of the devaluing of the WNBA game.

Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing. You have an American asset that is high value, and very notable who has broken one of your laws. You throw the hammer and demand a kings’ ransom to get her back. That’s what they did and that’s what we did. Stop pretending for this ignorant ass outrage and cries of make it make sense. An arms dealer for a basketball player. That underscores your lack in political and international understanding. It was always going to be a high price to pay for her release because of who she is. And true to American nature, we couldn’t resist gas lighting the situation at against the urging of the top officials. The more you show your hand how valuable an asset is, the higher the price you pay. That’s negotiation 101. The moral argument that her name needed to stay in the news so that no one forgets is nice, but highly unnecessary. She was never going to be forgotten, and while in the end the same price may have been paid to extract her freedom, I have to wonder if we could’ve gotten Paul Whalen and B.G. for the dealer if the gas lighters had kept quiet.

Understanding the story of Whalen and many other Americans held captive by Russia accused of crimes that seem so farfetched, until you understand the chess moves these countries make against each other on a daily basis. Could Whalen truly be an American spy, hell yea he could. And to sit and try to say otherwise just because the government says so is stupid. We know that these countries use mundane, simple covert covers for their spies in other countries. The Americans do it all over the world and so do all other powerful governments. I have no information to support Russia and their claims, nor do I have any knowledge to support the U.S. and its claims. What I do know is that the freedom of B.G. should not have any attachment to Whalen, unless it’s truly known that he’s innocent and we really had a chance at a swap realistically. You bargain from a position of strength, and if you can’t do that you at least try to make the strongest hand possible.

What we now know is that these governments are enthralled in a fabulous game of chess. The pieces are Americans and Russians who are innocent and guilty. We know that Russia is a dirty adversary who wants its knights, rooks, and bishops back to reassemble a strong chess board. For the U.S., at this point, it seems we are just trying to get pawns back, while our rooks, knights, and bishops are safely being deployed. High powered pawns sucking up the oxygen reserved for more valuable chess pieces is a weakness that the U.S. gets exploited on because of the “moral values” expounded upon by the President and rest of the government. Do your homework, read up on these things and obtain a better understanding, then return to this discussion.

Love and respect