I’ve often said at times in life, you find out who your riders really are. Moments in history where people show you who they are. Understanding the challenges thrown at you by life, they lend their energy, time, and resources to ensure that you can sufficiently meet and defeat the challenges facing you.

Times where it’s required for you to have your village show up for you. Supporting you to know they care. They see you and can, to some degree, feel your pain. Understanding to varying degrees the level of angst, relief, sadness, disappointment, pride, and love you feel in these situations. They marvel at you. The maturity, clarity, and calm that you possess and display.

Some questioning why you’re here to begin with. He didn’t like you at all. He loved you without question. They don’t understand why you’re here to acknowledge him when he failed to acknowledge you. What I found out was that sometimes, a former enemy can become an ally. The same one questioning you the most. The one with the most disappointment for who you are, realized, and/or understood the position you took and now take. Loving you for you. Enjoying and delighting in conversation.

Others wondering if you came for money and not the genuine love and support for your family. Bringing drama and dirt to the table that isn’t needed. Swatting that with calm and poise calmed all. Supported by a sister who knows your heart. Never doubting your respect and loyalty to your life principles. Familiar with your thoughts and feelings about the situation. Proud of your strength and resilience. Bouyed by your firmness and compassion.

The support of a friend, 34 years in the making. Oh, to be so fortunate and blessed to have someone in my life who loves me as a human so much to use his time to show up for me. No questions asked. My heart felt so much pride and joy. Words can’t fully encapsulate the level of respect and love that grew from me to him. I pray that you find that, that level of love. My best friend.

And my family… my blood family, cousins I love and fuck with bro. Aunts that ride with me so hard. Sisters who love me and cherish me. Brothers who love me and respect me. Never perfect, always striving to learn more to be more. My chosen family checking in amdist their hustling family life. Making sure I feel their love always. My sons taking their time to talk with me. Never leaving me alone if I reach out. My chocolate 🧸 bestie, lmao. Showing his love every day. Fussing with me and all. Lol. My lil baby callin in to show me love and keep me updated on his life. Giving me the support, care, and love we always promised to show, regardless of what’s happening.

My Atlanta family, bro. I love them so much. In the fuckery of life, they still manage to show up and speak. Talking with me, seeing about me. Never forcefully, always willingly. I’m so thankful for these people. Never needing to see about me. Always desiring to support me and keep me balanced. Distracting away from the shit being handled here. Giving me their time to comfort mines. This shit is challenging, bro.

For all those who just talked, I appreciate your words. That is more than what is required of you. Thank you for your support and love. For the friends who wish more could be done, I’m truly thankful for your existence. I wouldn’t be able to continue with vigor without you. The small things matter most.

For my MHO family. Bro, you a real one fr. You randomly show up and always by choice. Never ever by coercion. I will and am always eternally grateful for your care and concern, bro. May you be forever blessed. Just know what you know. You haven’t always been thinking. It’s understandable because you simply are functioning at times. Managing so much that you lose sight of all routine. To know someone understands and offers support.

To those who choose to be voluntarily absent. May you be given the joy of life that you seek. For me, this is where our street ends. Take care in life. Know that you will not be missed. I appreciate all the contributions you made to my life. Now, it’s time to go separate ways. Life’s challenges will always reveal who’s for you and who’s against you. Love yourself, forgive yourself, and build forward.

I’m so thankful for my riders, for my village. When times are tough, who shows up? Thank you to everyone. Special you are, and I will always be grateful for your love.

It began for you, August 3, 1948, and the sunset for you, December 25, 2024. There comes a time when we all must take our final breath and are laid for all to view. As I prepare for your final goodbye, I have had to help plan services for you when you never wanted a relationship with your openly gay son since I came out. I am reminded that alone in the world we came and alone in the world, we die.

Since I came back to my hometown, everything has felt forced and fake. People calling who don’t call. Always offering to be here to talk. Talk about what? It’s never been a secret that me and my father didn’t have a relationship at all. Maybe that’s why there’s so much silence. Very little genuine outreach. Whatever it is, I’ve felt it from most since news broke and I arrived here.

If you understand me at my core, you know that loving you doesn’t mean I necessarily like you or carry a healthy respect for you. I love my father. In life and death, I will always love him. Simply because he helped create me. There is a biological respect there that I will always honor. Never trying to mistake it for a genuine relationship. I don’t have a void to be filled from your passing. True enough, there is someone missing. I lost part of my existence. That’s a different kinda introspection.

When my grams died, that was a void. And to this day, it has yet to be filled. With you, after I came out, your void created when you walked away was filled by the women in my life. Not that I wasn’t open to a male figure stepping into that roll, but, real shit nobody ever stepped up. Not my uncles, cousins, or brothers. All the male shit I learned myself. Through trial and error. I patterned myself after the shit U neglected to do.

My momma, your ex-wife, is quick to remind me of the traits you have that were passed to me. I always accepted that I am a mix of my parents. I’m sure others would say I have some of you in me, naturally. What’s missed is how much I’m truly nothing like you. Why would you wanna create kids and never actively take a role in raising them and preparing them for the world. Leaving your responsibilities to our mommas and other family or friends to fill. I’m more disappointed that you couldn’t be man enough to address me. I accepted that years ago, too.

This journey to the end hasn’t been usual, normal or fun. Many days filled with questions and not getting any answers. Too many times, you shut down and went to my aunts with questions about how to handle me. How pathetic is that. My grams stayed in yo ass about me, and it never moved you. You lost your oldest son and instead of embracing me when you saw me at his service, paying my respect, you looked me dead center in the face, and ignored me like a common nigga in the street. But the woman behind me, whom you didn’t know, you greeted her with a smile and a polite handshake, thanking her for coming.

I remember the days as a child when you reluctantly came out to play basketball or football with me and my friends. Even thou you loved both sports. Anyone with a brain could see you weren’t interested. I remember being like 14 or 15, you showed me sum stanky ass magazines with naked women. Then, explained to me some of your nasty ass sex stories. I never gave a fuck and I didn’t wanna know. I know you felt it. I never faked happiness or excitement. I saw yours, thou. You thought you was indoctrinating me to your ways. Wrong nigga.

You were etching in my head shit I never wanted to do or how I wanted to be. Yea, I took some of them traits. My last three relationships have been fucked up in the sense that I didn’t hold all the value to them that they deserved. Rest assured, though, I truly respected and loved my ex’s. Always present and actively engaged in the relationship.

Through all of this, my solumn prayer is when you were alone in your final hours and minutes of life, you were at peace. I pray you found the forgiveness you needed and that now your spirit and soul are at peace. James L Reynolds Sr, I love you. For everything you were and all the shit you weren’t. I don’t exist without you, and that’s a respect that lives eternally.