The night I came face to face with my reality wasn’t a surprise. It was definitely accidental and not intentionally done. Vocal deception aside, lol, I didn’t know that my life would change that night. Also, it wasn’t like I was going to truly run from it. Once I started developing, it was easy to see that the male body had my attention way more than the female body. Credit given, women are gorgeous. Black women are amazing. Black men though… WHEW!! The male body is magnificent. The shapes, contours, complexions, firmness, and softness are mind-blowing. The skills that men have using their bodies are special. When all of my friends began developing, we were all curious as to what parts grew faster than others. LMFAO. Well, I know I was, and there were a few others who were too. Who had the biggest dick? Was it long and thick? Was it just long or just thick? Who was growing hair and how much? LOL. Dumb shit that kids sometimes care about.

To get to that night when I was bold enough to hold and develop the conversation with him beyond just the typical teenage attraction was scary. It was built on the foundation that I already had though. As I grew up, I was experimenting and exploring with those who I trusted and felt comfortable with. I understood what I liked and what I didn’t. I was well capable of saying what made me feel good and what I wasn’t sure of. Being young and curious worked in my favor. Those who remember those days probably kept quiet all these years later because it would expose them too. And I’m not in the business of putting someone else’s business in the street. That’s their story to tell and I would be wrong and disrespectful to take that from them. But knowing that I’ve always been attracted to men since we were boys and grew into men has always been reassuring to me. The outside world never knew, my world always was aware. Anyone who explored with me, was always a willing participant too. What did you think would happen? Teenage boys, with hormones, watching porn together? LMAO. That’s like taking a thief into a store and telling them you only have $5 to get food. We both know by the time y’all leave that store, more than $5 worth of food gone be leaving with y’all. LMFAO.

Gym class was always like the biggest fuckin tease in the world. Having to change clothes in front of all these handsome ass people. Most of them I know well because we grew up together. If they only knew what I was really thinking when we were dressing out in the locker room every gym class day. Middle school was when it started, high school was when it just went into hyperdrive. Knowing that so many of my friends had meat that just deserved to be serviced and asses that needed to be played in. LOL! I knew back then that my real attraction was a male, not a female. Living in an era when being yourself, was not fully accepted made it difficult to ever openly make advances to see if you can experience what you see. The key was to find the nonverbal cues that served as your opening. That’s what happened with one person in particular. We found our bond, and then we found our moment. From 9th grade, until we graduated, we was each other’s sneaky link. Sneaking off when the squad was over playing basketball. Pulling up on him when he was home alone. Coming over even when people were home and ducking off into the basement for a lil quicky. LOL. We acted like teenagers who found their long-lost love and enjoyed every chance we had to feel and taste each other. To this day, no one knows that we had our secret love affair.

Before him, there was another. One who the circle would never believe was down for sword fighting or throat goat activity. But if you know, then you definitely know. The freedom and the pureness with which we allowed ourselves to learn about our bodies and what we liked was an experience I’m so thankful that I got to experience. We never discuss these moments today, but we both fondly remember them. Shaping us and allowing our bond to be stronger on a level few may ever know. The truth about yourself must always be accepted by you. I knew I was curious about guys. I also knew that if I ever spoke it openly in public, I would be the black sheep for life. I imagine if we were able to have phones in school as freely and openly as they do now, we all would’ve been exposed so much earlier in life. Just because it’s not on a camera, doesn’t mean it wasn’t happening. So many moments were allowed to remain anonymous and sacred between young people figuring themselves out. No pressure, no eyes, no outside opinions. I was always piqued.

What’s unhealthy is trying to force someone to oppress their feelings and desires. If your child has an interest in something foreign to you, it doesn’t mean that you shun them or try to force them to change. Listen to them and try to understand them. Give them the room and freedom to explore themselves and understand what they feel. Give support and offer your ear, even if you don’t think you can. That’s what is required today. We don’t need to be suppressed. Dismissing a child’s curiousness to them being young and not understanding is stupid and harmful. We know as children what makes us happy. It evolves over time as we learn more, but we still know. Playing with boys from a young age was something I always did. I was always interested. Kissing them at a young age and liking how it felt. Another story for another day. The point is, when you’re young, you do know what you want. It may change or develop into something different as we experience it more and see what it really entails, but it doesn’t change the fact that we know.

Part of the reason we have so many DL/curious guys is because they want to be free to explore the feelings inside. They don’t just want to give in to the “norm” of being with a woman, but their families discourage them or they’re unapproving of it. Usually because of a bible written by men, interpreted by humans, who are biased to what they believe. Rather than allowing your child to be openly able to explore who they are as people. In the year 2024, people still live and breathe by the bible and the gospel preached by a human being, over common sense and the laws of nature. You love your child but you’re willing to put them in the streets as a minor because you disagree with their life choices. Because you don’t understand why your child would choose to embrace a way of living that is more difficult for them. That’s where you lose the game before it starts. It’s not a choice. Loving a man isn’t something I chose over a woman. It’s who I am. I am a man who loves being with men. Women who love being with women don’t choose that. It is who they are. Acceptance rather than betrayal is needed. Curiosity started a lot of things in life.