You ever had one of those moments where You’ve just come inside from working out, Your mind is flowing, Your muscles are stimulated, Your senses are heightened, and You just have an emotional and spiritual breakthrough??? Well, both hands raised high as fuck in the air. Today was a good Friday. Work was smooth and accomplished. After was well… after. LOL. Dumb shit from dumb asses. Then to the workout. Music thumping in my ears, zoned out enjoying the cool but humid air. Seeing the people go about their work to better themselves. The pure energy used and absorbed while lifting weights, strengthening my calves and cheeks, gaining lung and heart strength exercising. Melding physical excursion with mental peace. Brining the music home though and changing the vibe… Well, that’s when things turned, and I had to let my heart be open and my words become action.

Finding yourself also involves healing those wounds that were damaged along the way. When we lost our pillar and standard bearer, it fucked up the whole dynamic and won’t nobody really prepared for it. I love the responses of people who have a specific purpose. I am someone who has struggled in this world with myself, for various reasons. But when I accept my truth of life, I am as dynamic as I choose to be. I work on myself, and seeing the hurt still left in my family from her loss, and I just pray we can find and figure the way to unite together. Seeing and understanding Your pain and hurt, sadness and anguish, destruction and anger is so fucking difficult. You can and will rage at the world. Doing some unimaginable things because I wanted to and I was vengeful. I had so much heat to spew and never knew how or which way to let it out. The desire to be solo dolo, independent of, needing none but You. We do acquire this perception that for us to be as successful as we are, it must be done Alone. On Your Own without needing to depend on a sole. Forgetting that to live in this world, You must rely and depend on other EVERY FUCKIN DAY!!! How else do You think that You survive? When You drive Your car, or take Marta, or Uber/Lyft, You rely on others to make sure You arrive to Your destination on time. Understand that simple concept for just One fuckin second.

When You allow Yourself to find the peace and love of who You are, it becomes infectious, and You spread it wherever You can. Never trying to overpower or overstep, just offer the same feelings and energy that have permeated You since You allowed the past to end. Because You are who You are, everyone saw Your fall. It was humbling and humiliating. You were destroyed from the core of the inside of You. You went through the toughest times, and You saw that the village You have is strong, supportive, and resilient when it comes to You. Now, You feel that sense of purpose to return the favor. Understanding that healing is a powerful drug. It has the ability to restore what was lost. So, to go through life ACTUALLY thinking that You alone, have just moved life is stupid and ignorant. You never ordered food out? You never drove on a road with other people? You never went to school or work? You never dated? Had sex? The most arrogant and narcissistic thing You can do is assume that You never needed help in life. The understanding though, is that we’re self-sufficient and aren’t in need of assistance to function in life. However, there is a segment of the population that really thinks they do it ALL themselves with NO help.

Realizing just how devastated everyone is, has been hard. Primarily because I love these women and while some have moved forward, found happiness and shit, others have struggled mightily and continue flounder. Temporary happiness aside. Our family is so fractured. This set not talking to this set. Them over there staying away from those over here unless it’s a big fuckin deal. Two people over here talk to 2 or 3 people over there, so there’s some crossover, but not fuckin much. Group and family functions doing exist. Coming together for one event, doesn’t make shit solved. Especially, when the factions was on display the whole time. Only the guys could maneuver through the crowd. I know all families have bullshit and are splintered and shit, but we don’t have be just like them, do we? I don’t know how this will end. I’m prayerful that with my shove, these beautifully dynamic people can find full healing. We need it.