What happens when you continue to pour into the lives of those you care about, but very few, if any, pour back into you? That sense and feeling of being taken for granted, feeling unappreciated heightens. Now, to be clear, I’m not the guy who does things for people or to people just to get adulation or praise. Nor am I attempting to be rewarded in excess of what I’ve given. What I do want is for there to be acknowledgement and appreciation for the efforts and output that I provide.
It’s not about giving me, sending me, funding me. It is about showing me, remembering me, reciprocating to me what was done to you. As someone who has been in the fatherhood role since, I was 19, I understand how sacrificing it is to take people into your world, into your home and give of yourself without expecting anything in return. What you do expect, is to be given the proper respect and treatment as someone who occupies that role in someone’s life. What do I mean then, if I’m not looking for financial reward or anything in that vein. Well, how about remembering my birthday. Maybe taking me to a nice meal or cooking one for me to show your appreciation. You could buy me flowers, or my favorite sweets or snacks.
It has not and will not be able how much you spent, or how grand the gesture was/is. Yes, a big, fancy something is nice, and I will always appreciate those gestures. But sometimes the small things make an even bigger impact because it shows that you know me, and that you care. Here is an example, one of my closest friends decided he wanted to thank me for all that I had done for him over the years. He decided that one year for Father’s Day, he was going to come and cook and spread for me and my closest friends. I already had the food in my house, so what he brought was his time and talents. It took him hours to prepare, cook and serve the meal. That was so special to me. I was moved and appreciative because that showed me his true love and appreciation for me. It wasn’t that he spent lots of time, he spent his precious time. You can get money back, time you cannot.
The truth of the matter is I’ve never had a grand gesture done for me by anyone that I’ve poured into. All that I know is the small, but powerful, selfless acts of giving of time and talents to show love and appreciation for me. Maybe that’s a good thing, and maybe it’s not. I really don’t know that answer. What I do know, however, is even those small acts have been missing in action for years now. There are so many people that I’ve chosen to give my time, talents, knowledge, money, and home, to ensure advancement of themselves. Not so that they return the favor, but to see them grow. And to hopefully, one day, be shown a modicum of appreciation for the opportunities or doors opened.
Some may say your speaking hypocritically, because you say you don’t do things to receive things, but you’re speaking about feeling unappreciated because no one has done anything for you. My response to that is this… if all you do is pour out and no one is pouring into you, eventually you will run out of juice. Balance in life is something that is required. Giving too much and receiving too little, that runs you down. Taking too much and sharing too little, makes you look selfish, and can eventually run you down. When there is a healthy give and take, it keeps the balance that is needed to pour out and to be poured into.
So right now, I feel unappreciated. There has been too much pouring and not enough poured. I’m not going to go around asking for appreciation. I believe that all people know when someone has been significant in their lives. We know the people that go above and beyond, that are there for us when there is no one else. You know that you should treat me with the special care that is deserved. If you don’t when you have the chance, what does that say about you? What should it say to that individual? Should they stop being that vessel? Or should they limit the resources they provide?
I wrestle with this issue because honestly, I am and have always been a giver. I don’t look for people to return to me the way I give to them. But I do, at times, think about why people are so resistant to showing the affection that they receive from me. I guess when I’m unable to pour into them because I’m not able to, or because I’m no longer alive to do so, they will appreciate what was done for them. It sucks that people really won’t appreciate you until your dead.
thaweeklyt 
Also I understand that he’s been though so many trial and tribulation with life itself. But I want him to understand that I’m here for him!!!!! and there has been so many people that has hurt him and I know for him it feels like he doesn’t even know who to trust but I’m here for him I don’t care how long it take for him to understand.
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Thats something that all you can do is continue to show up and show that affection and care. When someone has been hurt and damaged by the tribulations of the past they recover when they’ve resolved their own demons. It may not be anything you can do. Im sure if you’re consistent he sees it, you just have to let him come around to fully trust u. Again, also make sure your actions are pure and you don’t send mixed signals that makes him question your motives.
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I definitely agree to what you have spoked on pertaining to love. I’ve been going through it for some time now. My man and I have been together for about a year now we actually just hit a year and I don’t know if it has something to do with the honey phase but I don’t feel the same affection that I’ve felt way before. I used to feel loved, cared, adored etc. And it’s like everything is like crashing down we’ve had multiple dry encounters. Now granted I understand that he works hard each and everyday so obviously he’s going to be exhausted but I’ve seen so many people work hard just like him like me I’m in college I’ve have essay’s I have to write math hundred maths assignments that need to be turned in presentations, like the list goes on and on. But when others see their partner everything lights up or they will hug them and smile at them and look them in the eye and say to themselves you mean so much to me. And again I understand that he doesn’t have to be fully energize every time but damn he is always tired. So now that makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong because he doesn’t show me any type of affection at all there’a no cuddling after sex he’s so quick to get up and clean his self off and while we have intercourse I feel like he just does it to get a nut. Granted I’m not saying every time sex isn’t suppose to be romantic sometimes we need that aggressiveness and quick sex like no time for music or any of that you just want to get right into it. But he’s not as romantic anymore like before he was so romantic and didn’t mind when I play music but I remember there was a time that when I tried to set the tone he was a little annoyed that I wanted to play music. All these signs are giving me that he is not interested in me anymore but my things is if you aren’t feeling this anymore just let me know and I can move on with my life because I’m just constantly trying to pouring more and more and more I have feel like it can be ones sided also feels like I’m annoying my partner so I just back off you know? I definitely agree to what you have spoked on pertaining to love. I’ve been going through it for some time now. My man and I have been together for about a year now we actually just hit a year and I don’t know if it has something to do with the honey phase but I don’t feel the same affection that I’ve felt way before. I used to feel loved, cared, adored etc. And it’s like everything is like crashing down we’ve had multiple dry encounters. Now granted I understand that he works hard each and everyday so obviously he’s going to be exhausted but I’ve seen so many people work hard just like him like me I’m in college I’ve have essay’s I have to write math hundred maths assignments that need to be turned in presentations, like the list goes on and on. But when others see their partner everything lights up or they will hug them and smile at them and look them in the eye and say to themselves you mean so much to me. And again I understand that he doesn’t have to be fully energize every time but damn he is always tired. So now that makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong because he doesn’t show me any type of affection at all there’a no cuddling after sex he’s so quick to get up and clean his self off and while we have intercourse I feel like he just does it to get a nut. Granted I’m not saying every time sex isn’t suppose to be romantic sometimes we need that aggressiveness and quick sex like no time for music or any of that you just want to get right into it. But he’s not as romantic anymore like before he was so romantic and didn’t mind when I play music but I remember there was a time that when I tried to set the tone he was a little annoyed that I wanted to play music. All these signs are giving me that he is not interested in me anymore but my things is if you aren’t feeling this anymore just let me know and I can move on with my life because I’m just constantly trying to pouring more and more and more I have feel like it can be ones sided also feels like I’m annoying my partner so I just back off you know?
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I understand the thoughts and feelings you have. Have the two of yall sat and had this full discussion. Have you expressed yourself fully in the way you’re expressing in response to this blog? If not, you need to have that conversation with him. If you have, you need to think deeply about his response to you and make sure you realize and understand whatever his points may be. I also encourage you to look in the mirror when you say you are constantly pouring into him. What exactly are you pouring and is what you’re doing actually meeting his needs. Are there things you have or haven’t done that maybe make him feel like things have shifted? Sounds like what is needed is an open, honest, heartfelt dialog. You have to be willing to open urself to him like you did in this response to my post. And then let the pieces fall as they will.
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Thank you, for that but whenever I think about talking about these issues with him I feel like he so quick to get aggravated and aggressive towards what I’m trying to explain to him.
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And my actions are always pure I’m always loving and caring for him and very affectionate it just seems like he doesn’t want anything to do with me sometimes.
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And that feeling of being unwanted is tiresome because it’s like he wants nothing to do with me. And it’s like let me know if you don’t want to be with me anymore because rather just do my own thing then feel unwanted and unhappy.
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Yes I understand. Maybe the both of you need to say so. Seems like ur at the point too. And again u must make sure u have truly done ur best nd given ur all the way u expect him. If not don’t be quick to place all blame accept urs and find ur peaceful end.
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I mean right now I’m just taking some time to think and focus on self more. Because I don’t want to end things at all I love him dearly but I just feel like I need some time to think to myself if this is really what I want to go through in the future. All I want to see is effort from the loving, caring, and affection. But I thank you, for taking the time out to talk to me greatly appreciate that have a good one.
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I understand that completely and that’s one of the best places to start is with yourself. Make sure you present the best version of you. If thats what you want then let the love lead and guide you. Maybe try giving more of that yourself. You’re welcome. Glad my post could provide therapeutic for you.
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