Month: May 2023

Leave a comment Posted on current events, Politics

Battle of the Dinosaurs

As I come back down to Earth from the most amazing weekend I’ve experienced in a long time, I’m watching what’s going on in the political world and it reinforces some narratives I’ve thought of for years and exposes America’s weaknesses even more. We are sitting on the cusp of having our next Presidential election be a redo of the last one. On the surface that isn’t the worst thing that could happen. However, when you understand that in 2020 the race was between a 78-year-old Joe Biden and a 75-year-old Donald Trump. Which means this time around, you have an 82-year-old Biden and 79-year-old Trump. What the fuck are we doing as a country that our leading candidates to lead the nation are old ass dinosaurs. Let me be clear, I have no problem with our Senior Citizens giving their wisdom and experience to the nation, but I do not believe they should in control of the “most dynamic nation in the free world”.

When you look at the men and women who have been elected leaders of their countries around the world, many leaders are significantly younger than our current American President, and his primary challenger for the position. They are more diverse in terms of race, gender, and background, than our current slate of candidates for the Presidency. Yes, some of you may say look at the Republican field. It’s diverse and has women and a Black man running for office. My response to you would be, bull shit and more bull shit. Do you really think that goof ball Tim Scott, of South Carolina, has a remote chance at winning the nomination. The dumb shit he kept saying and the weird dancing he was doing, will not endear him to anyone in the electorate. Nikki Haley, there’s another choice that realistically has not a snowballs chance in hell of becoming the nominee either. Why do I say that? Well look at the party. The modern-day Republican party is one of bigotry, misogyny, isolation, White patriarchy, and regression. Electable women do not fit in that mold, unless you’re a loudmouth, ignorant, Trump supporter. Therein lies the rub, those people can never win a Presidential election.

So, we as a nation are staring at a rematch of all the things that really should be the past of America. Instead, it is the present and future, for at least the next 6 years. When will some of you get off the notion that a younger candidate is an unprepared candidate? Do you realize that under younger Presidents America has been the most successful and innovative. Under John Kennedy we had the race to the moon, and the beginnings of the Civil Rights Movement. Under Clinton we had record surpluses in the National budget and many corporations that ran surpluses actually gave the money back to regular employees and not just the CEO or c-suite executives. Under Obama Universal healthcare became the norm. Don’t ask don’t tell went away, same gender marriage became legal, we killed the leader of the 9/11 attacks. What is the common thread amongst these men? They are all Democrats, and they were all young when elected President of the United States. Progress means accepting the youth movement and allowing it to proliferate into the realms of your businesses and institutions. That’s the only way that we move civilization forward in the ways it’s intended.

Instead of total forward progress, we find ourselves mired in another unofficial civil war. In the Conservative parts of America, Republicans are leading the charge to regress to eras gone by where old, and young, White men controlled and ruled the day. Even the White women elected as Republicans are governing blindly against their own interests. To ignore your child’s wishes because you think that they’re unable to fully understand themselves is laughable. To try and police the information that the world knows about this country’s founding and the devilish things Whites did to ascend to power is criminal. How do they do it, by restricting access to reading material that is comprehensive. By controlling school boards and local elections to restrict dynamic curriculums being created. By finding and appointing judges who will interpret the law to be in agreement with the outdated principles of their leaders. And by gerrymandering state districts to restrict and prevent true and accurate elected officials from obtaining office. In Liberal parts of the country, Democrats are trying to push the nation to become current with the times. Updated technology, modern electrical grids, dynamic school systems, upgraded tax codes that offer a shot at fair tax collection, updated public transit, and elected leaders that reflect the demographics of the areas in which they represent. Not to mention judges who don’t take a penal view of the law, but a just and redemptive approach to issuing justice to criminal offenders.

This brings me back to the two leading representatives of the political parties. Joe Biden, the Democrat, and Donald Trump, the Republican. One man reshaped his entire party to reflect the hateful, destructive views of many of his electorate, while the other capitalized on the fear of his electorate to endure years of a corrosive, damaging leader. The results were not what anyone expected but were extremely predictable. When America is uncertain about things, it turns to old White men to stabilize and reset the country. After 8 years of a Black man leading this nation, it turned to an old White man who had outdated beliefs because the new way was too dynamic for many of the old ass people living in this country. Young people wanted more and so the candidates offered in 2016 didn’t deliver on that, hence the Orange walrus being elected. In 2020, the field boasted new, fresh candidates, but none that excited the masses and none that offered a bold enough solution to remove the stench that engulfed America for 4 years, so we went with an old, White man who promised to “restore the soul of America”, and to “restore America’s place in the world”. Instead, what we’ve gotten so far is a half ass move towards progression in some ways and a regression to “Old White America” in most other ways.

As we stand just a year and a half away from the next Presidential election, we must answer the question: Do we really want to sit through another old ass geriatric election between two old farts that need to be sitting in their retirement homes enjoying the twilight years of their lives, not trying to run the most expansive country in the world. Neither Trump nor Biden are dynamic thinkers, movers, or organizers. They are writing American history that is truly dynamic, they are rewriting a narrative already written with moderate changes to the story. In Trump’s case, his party is rewriting the narrative and it’s going to destroy the nation of the other elected Republican leaders don’t break the zombie hold Trump has on the party. Buckle up, the dementia, outbursts, and rants are going to be on full display. What will also be on display is the embarrassing representation by our political leaders. Many of them are old, White, and male. Let the battle of the old White men commence.

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Life Chronicles – Morehouse Man

Damn it y’all I fuckin’ did it!!! It’s been 17 years in the making, but I am officially a Morehouse Man. Back in May 2002, when I wrote my acceptance letter to Morehouse College, informing them of my intention to enroll and accepting the offer letter they sent me, I just knew that in 4 years I would graduate with a degree from one of the best college institutions in America, and the best HBCU in the land. I never expected that life would.. well life, and it would take me 17 years to complete the journey I started all those years ago.

The feeling that I felt when I realized that the journey was complete was surreal. It was on Wednesday night, around 8:30 pm, after my Marketing Management class was over. The final project for the class was complete and I knew at that moment it was done. That was the only thing that could’ve kept me from passing the course, so I had to focus and make sure that I not only finished the assignment, but that I put my A effort because I had a goal to accomplish. Knowing that I had done so after I submitted the assignment, all the emotions hit me at one time. I cried my eyes out for about 40 minutes. A Black man in America graduating college, those odds are steep. Fuck what you hear about equality. A Black man is more likely to get shot in the streets or to be locked up in jail than he is to graduate from college. Not only am I graduating from college, but it’s also one of the best colleges in America. The dream realized, a journey complete, a promise kept, a goal completed.

The emotions came from so many different places. Realizing that my journey to this point was anything but smooth. Leaving school, re-enrolling and finding out that things changed so you can’t go back without satisfying a balance that you didn’t have the money to pay. Make another attempt at returning, only to have your mother switch up on the plan y’all made together, ruined and facing the prospects of never graduating from the place you yearned for. Also, maybe not being a graduate at all. Some may say why do you even care? A college degree has been devalued in this country for a few years now. The most successful and wealthiest people do not have a degree. They don’t have that debt burdening them down. Those points are true, but for me, it was something I always wanted and aspired to accomplish. It’s challenging for Black people to earn a college degree. The failed everything that happened along the way and to finally be at the top of this mountain.

This moment was supposed to be shared in the physical presence of my gramz. She was my biggest supporter all the time. She always believed in anything I did and would always remind me that I needed to finish school. I promised her for years that I would. I never told her how my moms fucked that up in 2010 with her selfish decision. I kept my head down, hoping for the opening to go back and finish. That door opened in 2021 and I jumped at the chance. With the Morehouse Online program being launched, the opportunity was being presented and I was going to do what it took to finish. First thing was to pay off the debt still owed to the school. It still blows my mind that a damn college would hold a financial debt on it “college books” instead of sending it to collections like most businesses do when you owe a balance. Given that it had been 15 years I just knew I didn’t have to pay that $1100 back. Wrong! They made sure that they got their money.

For the better part of the last 17 years I had been living a life of a lie. Everyone in my professional world, and most in my personal life assumed that I graduated from college. Primarily because I spent 3 plus years in school. I withdrew early in the Spring semester of 2006. I was burned out, tired, and my personal life was really fucking with me. I needed a break and had come up with a plan to take a year away, re-enroll in Spring 2007 and complete my degree. Well, you know even the best plan is just that, a plan. Life did what it does, and that plan got all fucked up, so I had to adjust and pivot. Still operating under the guise of being a graduate in Corporate America. In some ways, that fear of being found out paralyzed me more than I even realized. My light shined so brightly for me at a young age in the corporate world. But not having my degree completed was always in the back of my mind. I wondered if I applied for positions that were truly a stretch would I be found out because the company would do a thorough background check and see that I was a dropout, not a graduate.

I danced around with the idea of going to another school to finish, but I knew the hassles of that. Trying to find another HBCU that would accept the majority of my credits, so I didn’t start over as a Sophomore was going to be difficult, plus, I didn’t want to finish anywhere else. I wanted to finish at Morehouse. Despite struggling with desires to change schools for a different scenery and environment during the years I was on campus, and a personal life that almost saw me attempt to transfer to Howard or Hampton to be closer to my then lover. I just felt that deep down, this school was the place that would prepare me best for the world that I was going to live in. And in truth, Morehouse did a tremendous job of that in just 3 years. These final years spent finishing have opened my eyes to new things, new understandings about myself and my heritage, and made me an even more dynamic person. Dreams do come true, you have to do the work though.

Here I find myself today, reflecting on the LONG journey that has gotten me to this point. I hope that my gramz is looking down smiling at me. Talking about me to my family that she’s with up in heaven. Proud of her grandson for finishing the journey I started. Proud that I kept the promise that I made to her. I miss you so much and my heart fills with emotion when I think about you and hearing your voice in my head. I know that if you were here, the family would be tired of you. LOL. I know that you wouldn’t stop talking about this moment. This weekend will be a celebration of me and I will be thinking about you. I cry tears of joy and tears of hurt when I think about this accomplishment and you not physically being here to celebrate in it. Know that I strive to make you proud and I know I don’t always achieve that goal, but more often than not I aim to accomplish it.

Being able to not live a lie and to confidently and boldly walk in my truth of being a graduate is so freeing. I feel like the rest of the goals and ambitions I had I can complete without fear of looking over my shoulder. Because I sealed this deal. Look me up and you will find my name with Morehouse College part of my educational background and a degree in Business Administration: Management under it. Walk in your truth and doors will be opened. As many that were opened before, when I was walking in half-truths, more will be open now that I walk in full truth. To God be the glory! My momma is preparing to slide down to Atlanta, and she is bringing some of the fam with her. Friends and my chosen family are going to be in attendance too. What a time to be alive. No time to stop though, I have and will pause to reflect, appreciate, enjoy, and celebrate this momentous achievement. Then on to pushing hard to make more goals reality, more dreams into possibilities and more opportunities to the table.

For now I’m truly allowing all of this to sink in. I gotta say it again: I am a fuckin Morehouse Man! Graduate C/O 2023. Thank you and I’m done.

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I am Whoever I Say I am

One of the most challenging things about actively living with dueling personalities is that they clash so frequently that finding a happy balance is increasingly difficult to accomplish. I struggle on a, damn near, everyday basis to meet the required need of both people that control the space in my brain. Someone might read this opening and ‘What the fuck did he just say?” And someone else might read it and go “that sounds just like me.” Wherever you fit on that spectrum know that there are more people like me than unlike me, they just might be unaware of it.

Ironically enough I have no idea when these two people split and became fully independent people living within my body. I’m not sure who came first, but I do who is most dominant. Yet, I’m not really sure of the actions of which person sometimes because it’s like there are moments when they’re moving on one accord, with one mind and purpose. Then, there are times where I know these two motha fuckers are battling it out to determine who will have the final say of the day. I’m never one to make a scene of what’s going on in my mind and in my body. I prefer to quietly manage these two individuals and hope to force a balance of what they want. There was a time where I was successful in this approach. I was able to fully integrate the needs and wants of both people into a day, or a week, or a month. Now, it doesn’t work at all and I feel like sometimes I lose the fight and it scares me because I fear that one is sabotaging the other, which in the end will fuck me over and destroy all I’m working to rebuild again, from a failed attempt to appease one person more than the other.

The funny thing about me and the people that reside in my head is that they attract vastly different people when they’re in control of things. One version of me attracts the quiet, shy, reserved guy. If you met him in the streets, he’s going to steal the show because his light shines bright from the background. He’s loyal, humble and respectful. That type of guy appeals to me in so many ways. It fits the balance that needs to be had because I tend to be very eccentric and outgoing. I don’t mind walking into any room, anywhere, and owning that bitch. So, to have someone on my side who doesn’t need or want that shine on that level is a bonus. On the other side, the other person attracts the same type of personality as me. The guy is outgoing and loud in his own right. His light shines bright, and he tends to be a little more ratchet than what is comfortable for me, but I appreciate it because it shows me my abilities and my limits with people. It allows me to demonstrate my true dominant nature, because to have influence in that situation, my dominance must be consistent.

Aside from the vast difference in guys I attract when each one is in control, my actions, emotions, needs, wants, and desires shift also. One version of me is satisfied with a under the radar life. I’m not being checked for regularly. People aren’t trying to find out what I’m doing, who I’m doing it with, and where I’m doing it at. Conversely, the other man in my brain wants to live life! Have more, be more, do more. The odd thing is that I feel comfortable in both settings. When the more extroverted person is out, I can pretty comfortably ride in that space as well. More eyes become fixed on me and there are more conversations had about me, and what I’m doing. The difficult part is getting the calm, introverted person to go along with the extroverted person, that’s where all the issues begin. To slow down or to speed up, and when to do each one leads to so many interesting conversations in my head, and probably some missed opportunities along the way.

One factor that impacted the rate of growth in my life was the lack of completion of my college degree. Admitting this today is not difficult, but it comes with a little trepidation. When I chose to leave school back in February of 2006, I thought it was the wise chose given the state of my life. I needed a break and taking a semester off would be good for me. I could handle the obstacles in my life, then refocus and finish my degree the following school year. The plan was off to a great start. Then life happened and derailed everything. For the better part of the last 17 years, I continued to live the life I never finished. I was pretending to be a college graduate because I only had 1 semester to finish. In my mind, I pretty much learned everything that I was going to need to say I was a college graduate. Yet, I wasn’t and there was still more that I needed to learn from an Academic, and preparedness standpoint that would have greatly benefitted me. But, after things fell apart a second time, I felt I couldn’t wait any longer and moved forward living the persona, because I had already started to build the foundation with it, to strip it away would’ve been disastrous.

I secretly lived with that fear for all these years. Knowing that at any moment if someone wanted to do a check to verify me, if a business wanted to make sure they knew who they were hiring, all they had to do was a search and they would find out that I didn’t graduate college like I said on my resume. I was a fraud. I was pretending that I had my shit all together when the reality was, I was riding half-assed out here. Trying my hardest to be seen but not shine too bright, because at any moment my trump card could be pulled, and I wouldn’t be able to defend any of it. That is until two years ago. I took the step to go back and finish what I started all those years ago. Back to the place I began, to close that chapter the right way. Some may ask why didn’t you just go back at any point and finish? Because I wanted to finish where I started, in my mind nowhere else was sufficient for me. Morehouse College, despite all its flaws and shortcomings, is a special place that carries special meaning. The name speaks volumes in many circles, despite what others may think.

This was the dream and the vision that needed to be completed. To become a Morehouse Man was the goal I made in May 2002, when I wrote my acceptance letter to Morehouse College. Every day after that day I was striving to accomplish that goal. Living life, especially in the professional world, without my degree was tough, but I did it for 17 years. No one in my professional life knows now or knew before now that I didn’t have my degree. I climbed the latter to a point and then I would get stuck. Part of it was being in my head, not wanting to get outed and embarrassed. Part of it was not having the full training needed to grasp the opportunities and thrive with them successfully. It exacerbated the split in my personalities I believe. The introvert was content to take the modest gains and live that life. The extrovert wanted more and felt that why should those few missing hours and courses hold me back. Let’s find a way, through mentors and just hard work, to obtain the skills and knowledge needed to be an exceptional corporate professional. That way no one would want to question my background, because my work speaks for itself, and the assumption of a polished educational background would be a given.

Fast forward to the now, the fake life living is over. As of Friday, May 12, 2023, I am officially a college graduate!!! I am graduating this Sunday from the only undergraduate institution that I felt suited me. I am finally a Morehouse Man! When I cross that stage to accept my degree, what a sweet, beautiful moment that will be. Maybe that will help to make the two people work to become whole. Still needing their space to run free and control my brain, but in a more controlled and complimentary way. I guess time will tell. I also know that writing this blog just released sooo much tension and fear. Thank you for reading and hopefully this helps someone else out there.

Until next time y’all. I’m signing off this post.