Sometimes the love that brings you together will be the love that brings you disappointment. In the arch of a love story there is always the reveal of true character that tests how much the foundation you built is sustainable. What really happens is the representative that you met and loved so much goes away and the true personality and actions of the individual began to apply to you too. Often times when someone is courting you and you court them, you put your best foot forward. The things you show that person differs from the things you show everyone else. And then the shoe drops. You begin to tell truths that will make smoother transitions and instead of them being honored as norms and customs, it begins the slow decline out of the honeymoon phase of that new love.

I never know how long that phase will last. Some say it lasts for months, others have said it can last a year, and yet there are still others who say it only lasts days. Wherever you fit on the pendulum, you know when it starts to feel different, and you have to adjust. The truth also is that’s when you have to have a conversation. In my opinion when you can see and feel the shift the worst thing that you can do is ignore it. Yes, you know that it always will happen, but knowing the why and when should help to ease into the transition better than just watching it happen and changing along with your partner just because you don’t want to be on the limb by yourself. Sadly, for me that time has come much sooner than I thought. It hit me from the blind side in a way I didn’t expect and the catch 22 on display was both hurtful and angering. I didn’t think that I would see the indifferent, immature, petulance that I saw and felt. And now I must follow my own guidance and speak on it.

I’ve never witnessed someone change so swiftly in front of my eyes before. I didn’t think that I would this man become so nonchalant and distant within the same night. How do you go from hugging and kissing and romancing, to moving me off you and removing your metaphorical presence from me, only to just be present in the flesh but not the soul and spirit like you usually are? As I went in and out of sleep I saw and felt something that was foreign to me and yet oddly familiar as well. I felt the change starting to happen and it infuriated me. Because what I now know is that thing dynamics are changing and things, I thought I didn’t need to concern myself with for a while, are now here and how much longer this journey lasts is anyone’s guess. It’s as if one forgets their own actions and the reactions they receive when similar events occur, and they want to feel their jilted feelings when they aren’t called for.

Waking up this morning I feel a sense of disbelief and anger that I haven’t felt in a while. I felt something that shouldn’t be there and my anxiousness to discuss the situation is eating at my patience that I really do not have much of. I want to know why it happened, what caused it and why was it felt to show your ass the way that you did. In learning your lover, you must understand their bitch levels. It is critical in understanding how you will handle certain situations. Talking and gaining insight into their thinking will only assist in maneuvering through this time period. And it can possibly aid in removing this unnecessary shift before it’s time, and giving you back to that effortless, but intentional love that you share. What to say and how to say it is so difficult to know. Waking up with these feelings is even worse. So as this morning progresses, I will figure out the way to address him directly, but with love. The point of this conversation isn’t to stoke further division, it’s to understand why and hopefully bring the closeness back and take away the disappointment.

Love and respect to all who read this.