Sometimes in life you have to be alone with your thoughts, your mind, your heart and you have to find your way to understand what life has given to you. Often times I’ve sat and thought to myself why am I going through the things that I am and have? When I’m alone with my thoughts and feelings, I struggle to make sense of it all. Trying to get the understanding of why am I so often chosen to experience things more than I’m ready to handle? Is this really part of life, that you have to go through so many difficult times and situations, and often times alone? The variance of those you call family and the ones who show themselves to be your friends, is often times hard to comprehend as well. Life happens and paths diverge, and you see who was meant to travel on the next part of your journey with you.

See, one of things I’m struggling with at this time is why does it seem like no one wants me. I know that I don’t have it all. I’m not the wealthiest or most connected. I know that I’m no Adonis or the most gifted or talented individual, but I know that I am more than enough. I understand that I’m a damn good catch. I’m a sexy, chocolate, tall, fit, Black man. I’m highly intelligent and can mix and mingle in any environment, at any time. I work my ass off, have always taken care of home, made sure mines don’t know no lack, yet the shit still seems not to be enough. And don’t play yourself, I can fuck with the best of em. No matter if it’s slangin’ dick or being stuffed, I always make sure home is satisfied. I have a personality that is inviting, fun and a whole fuck vibe, but again people seem to only want to use that for their advantage. Yet, I see niggas that are out here doggin’ niggas and still got them on they nuts.

Even beyond the personal, professionally life isn’t where I thought it would be, and that’s mostly due to me. Because while I know that my ex really fucked up my set up, I decided to be with him, so I own part the of the responsibility as well. It’s a difficult thing not to wonder if you’re dooming yourself or if life just continues to offer situations where you don’t always make the right choices, and you have to start over again and again. Mixing in that with a suck ass personal life at times and it’s enough to make you question yourself more than once. Lies get told to you so you will let your guard down, only to be used to take from you and not give back. How many times should someone allow for these things to happen before they push back, enough being enough. Hearing enough times that it’s nothing wrong with you but niggas keep flaking, enough times that happens and it becomes about you mentally and emotionally. Top notch ass, fire dick, all around sex game lit, dynamic personality, smart ass brain and still the results circle around the same.

More than you know I want to hear I love you; I appreciate you, I’m proud of you, I support you. I want the right one for the moment, be it a minute, a month or eternity, to hold me and just make me feel the physical support I mentally need to hear. I don’t just want to share the intimate nature of holding and being held, by another man with just anyone. I know to some they may not understand, but for me sex has devolved into something that I know how to separate feelings from just sex, and I still feel this strong urge to fuck or get fuck. LOL, but being intimate, passionate and so wrapped up in someone is something that I miss and want to share with just one. Yet, it seems the one I want to share it with never seems to want to share it back. And I don’t dwell on it or wait for them to show, I move forward and live life as it comes. Hoping and yearning for that feeling sooner than later.

Even the greatest warrior needed help along the way. And there are times where I feel like it’s been forgotten that I’m not superhuman. I’m not above the need to be loved on and feel the love and appreciation of those who matter to me. Another day passes, another day spent alone, without someone to really enjoy it with. Without my best of friends and my closest of confidants to do something with. I believe it’s all for a purpose and the journey I’m taking will be for the better, but damn I would love to have an amen corner right now.