Still one of the most touchy subjects in Gay community is people being open and honest about their status. Even though we’re in the year 2021 and the medical advances are substantial, it is still the forbidden fruit for many to be honest about their medical situation. The irony about that is we now have medicines that make someone who does have HIV, be able to not pass the virus to a partner, once they’re undetectable for longer than six consecutive months. Additionally, for those who are negative who like that skin to skin, or raw, action, there is Prep that helps to protect people against catching the virus if they’re fucking people and aren’t fully certain of their status. After all these years, why is it that the community at large, still seems to be so paralyzed by someone who has HIV but takes care of himself. Why is it that a person will far more readily accept someone simply saying their negative, as opposed to taking someone who is being honest saying they’re positive and undetectable?

The concern for health in the Black Gay community is real, but it also is misrepresented also. It is really interesting just how stigmatizing people are still with someone who tells their truth about their health status. I think it’s honorable for someone to come clean and tell the truth about that. What it does it give the other person the opportunity to make a fully informed decision as to whether or not they want to sexually lay with you. And to that end, I honestly feel like the reason most don’t want to accept someone who is positive is because so many gay men love to have raw sex. They like how it feels and the like to be freaky with their sex lives. They usually like having multiple sex partners and group sex links. Things that aren’t really conducive to safe sex practices or healthy sex practices. To me, the truth about that is so many people are afraid of living their true selves. They live the double persona and want to portray an image of being extra careful and cautious, while on the other side, they’re a bedroom freak.

The stigma associated with HIV and the lying done by people trying to portray the “good boy” I think has led to so many people feeling ashamed to be open about who they are. Now, for those who are taking their medicine daily and taking care of their bodies, they pose very little to no threat to those who are negative. It’s the guys who are positive and aren’t taking their medicine and taking care of themselves that are the challenge. Because they feel a sense of shame and lack of self-esteem, they tend to hide their truth and those are the ones who are continuing to spread this disease hand over fist in the community. There is such this lack of compassion and empathy for someone who has an illness that can be contained. The missing links are education and compassion. If you ask someone to tell the truth about their status, be real and mature enough to accept the answer and not make them feel like shit. You never know what they went through to get the virus. You never know if they were raped or abused or anything that led to it happening.

Now don’t get me mistaken, I’m not saying that you have to accept them and keep talking to or dating them. That is each individual’s choice and you have to decide how much you want to take different precautions to protect yourself and your partner. To be fair, there are many people in the community who are open minded and compassionate and welcoming. If you find one of these type people, appreciate them and don’t abuse their love and compassion for you. It’s also my belief that people who do accept positive men, get done wrong by them so often because that positive person usually expect that equal treatment, so they abuse it. Which we all know friends talk to their friends and it leads even more so to the divide in the community. Living in this community for as long as I have, I’ve seen all sides of the spectrum. I fully believe that when we have people being open and honest, and we have compassion we can make any issue a learning and bonding moment and not a dividing moment.

The Gay community has the potential to be amazing and it can be such a fun and loving place. But, it can also be a place that tears you down and destroys your self esteem. No matter what issue you’re dealing with, you have to always remember that the illness is part of you, it doesn’t define you. Take care of yourself, love yourself, take care of your mental and you can be as accepted as you desire. Not all will open their arms to you, but they don’t need to. Love hard on those who genuinely love on you and the rest will fall into place. Know your status and have a plan.