Part of the problem with dating in the gay community, particularly the Black Gay community, is that no one really wants to be real and open with themselves and their feelings. Clearly this doesn’t apply to all people and in all places, but it is especially for folks who live in major metropolitan cities that are highly attractive tourist cities. There is this seemingly invisible, but very noticeable, atmosphere of fakeness. In short, so many niggas feel like they either have to stunt, pretend or manipulate their way through relationships. Willing to do emotional, mental and in some cases, physical trauma to a person in order to get what they want. Or to make sure that they’re never “missing out” on the next hot thing they see. It is the sad truth, that more often than not, gays like to be hoes. They like to feel like they’re the shit because they can get lots of dick or ass at any time, rather than feeling great knowing that that’s out there, but someone wants to take the time to know them and try to build something special and meaningful with them.

I think part of that struggle to get real and be real is because so many guys now are willing to have long term friends with benefits, and there is now a huge increase of open relationships, or polyamorous relationships. Essentially creating the space for a man to have what he wants. To be able to have more than one guy that they are dating and fucking and it all be above board. It allows the hoe to be a hoe, while also giving himself a little sense of security, because they have one or multiple that are their consistent sex and emotionally connected person. Missing are the days where guys really want to have something consistent. Something that takes time and effort and makes you have to show your true self in order to get what it is that you want. It is truly my opinion that because so many guys who want something real, come across all these liars and fakes, they eventually grow tired and allow themselves to just have casual interests, while waiting for the real one to come along. The tricky thing about that though is if you aren’t careful you become just what it is that you didn’t want.

The reality of what I notice is that it’s hard to come across people who are willing to tell you the truth and let that stand for itself. They rather tell a room full of lies and misrepresentations, when the simple truth will do. If all you want is sex with no strings say that from jump. If you’re looking for friends with sex privileges, then let that be known from jump as well. Don’t sit and give the lip service, you know you want to find someone special or you not trying to rush into anything; knowing that what you really mean is you just want to fuck and leave the emotions and attachments for another day if ever. The truth of the matter is you will attract what it is that your energy gives off. You can say all day long that you want the real thing, but if you’re vibes and energy don’t say that, you’re likely to come across mostly people who just want to fuck . Or those who to fuck and get financial benefits from you. It is very interesting just how many people say they want a guy but really they want the perks of the guy without really putting themselves into the situation.

The other unfortunate thing that comes from these currents dealings in a lot of places across the country is guys taking advantage of the getting to know you process. You know how that goes, you get a bottom who says they don’t want the usual shit. They don’t wanna Netflix and chill or nothing, they want to be takes on a date or dates. They want more than just the typical interaction. And while that can be true at times, it’s also true that usually means they’re going to use the person for what they can get. if they’re willing to spend a little money to make them feel special, they will try to ride that out for as long as they can. Or the reverse can be true as well. Guys now give the sob story of how they have no one to help them. That they work hard but are always broke. Never having money of their own for anything because they always spend it on “bills”. And again, this can be a logical and reasonable situation, but all too often it’s not. It’s just the latest scheme for a guy to get money out of people for their own benefit. And if the guy is real, he will peep that bull shit and just simply walk away, if he’s not or he’s desperate, well… ya pockets gone get touched up a little bit.

I don’t judge anybody for what they choose to do because it’s not my business to judge how you make your life choices. In this case, I’m just issuing words of advice… if you want to be a hoe be that, if you want to fuck around with a couple people do that, if you want to be a hopeless romantic lover, be that. No matter which path you choose and how you choose to operate in your personal life, just be authentic. Be real about your shit. It’s the thing that separates respect from disgust. I’m easy to admit that I can be a hoe, I can let you be my friend with benefits or I can cuff you. It’s all subject to what energy you give me. It depends on what you show me, more than what you tell me. As I told someone earlier, I do whatever I want whenever I want, until such time that someone decides they want to have my time and I feel they are worth it. They give me honesty and transparency that entices me to want to know more, have more, be more. I’m sure many of you feel the same way and once you announce that to the world, then you allow for all of your options to present themselves transparent and open, the choice then becomes yours.