Simple title, should be simple concept but apparently it’s very complicated and too many people seem to not take the nondirect clues or they want more than what it is. Now, just to give disclosure this doesn’t apply to me, but I’ve been watching some shows and know many people who this situation has happened to and I still don’t understand why people try to place blame on someone when this situation unfolds and one parties feelings gets hurt because a dynamic shifts. I’m going to explain this and try to make sure it’s understood why this type of setup should be very simple and not complicated.

If you’ve ever had a situation like this then you already know what the title of this writing means, if you haven’t well I will tell you. A friend with benefits is someone that you have a friendship with but you guys do extra and other things. Not just like going out together or having dinner, but you have a sexual, intimate component to your situation. But, it is an understanding in place that you aren’t exclusive, you aren’t building towards a relationship, it simply means that you don’t want to restrict yourself to only platonic dealings, you want to get sexual and not have to worry about feelings being caught behind it. Plain and simple that is the jest of the situation. This is what should happen in this type of arrangement, but, it’s commonly not how it goes.

In this situation what usually winds up happening is someone catches feelings. One of the parties likes all the attention and the intimacy and so on that happens, which leads to one getting feelings where it should just be fun and casual. I have been in these types of situationships before and I can say that while I do have an understanding for why one person catches feelings, I don’t agree with or accept it because when it’s clearly understood what’s going to happen, then there is no reason that blame should be assigned or angry feelings felt if the feelings aren’t mutual. If you are the type of person who can’t handle a setup like that, then I suggest you never agree with someone who says that’s all that they really want from you. Or, if you drop hints about being serious and they never really commit to it or talk about it, take that as a clue that you’re going too far and the whole situation may be called off.

If you are the person who is a hopeless romantic type person, this type of situation will never work for you. It will always leave you unfulfilled and wanting more, so don’t waste your time. If you’re the person who doesn’t like to be alone, but you also aren’t sure that you’re the relationship type this situation could be perfect for you. You have a friend that you kick it with and fuck around with, but you know that there is nothing serious between you two. Sounds like you’re getting the best of both worlds. You know the occasional sleep over and shit. Now, if you’re the person who is kinda broken and you might not be ready for a relationship then you could also be perfectly setup to benefit from this situation. But you also be setting yourself up for failure.

See the person who is trying to heal and recover from a relationship usually wants someone to keep them company and help to ease their pain. Usually they can rebound too quickly and jump into a relationship before they’re ready, but if they’re smart they also get into a friends with benefits situation and that can generally appease them until they feel they are ready to put their heart into it again. Then there is the person who doesn’t want anything serious and just wants to fuck around. This setup works for them too as long as it doesn’t seem too personal or exclusive. It’s pretty self explanatory too.

Hopefully this post will help people understand why if you aren’t a direct talker but you exhibit these actions and someone says they were misled or anything of the sort, this will clear it up. It should always be understood that physical actions work as well as actual words. Pay attention to the situation and the person. Don’t overplay the deal and you will be fine.