Month: August 2020

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, real talk

Gay Isn’t Traditional

So, the title is meant to encompass the entire community. The LGBTQ+, but that isn’t as catchy as just the simple opening title. Now, lets get into what I mean by this and how it applies to the daily shits of life. Many relationships in the community seems to have a basis in the traditional male and female relationship. There has to be a masculine, dominant one and a submissive more feminine one. Now, most times that is going to come to pass because people are typically split as type A or Alpha people and the type B or submissive people. The natural dynamics of human interaction says that the outgoing person tends to date a more low key type person. The alpha tends to want a submissive type and fill in the blanks in between.

Why is this important? Because too many people assume that the looks of a guy determine what he is in his relationship. That’s usually the funniest and most inaccurate thing that you can judge from. Now yes, there are some guys that will openly show you who they are. But it doesn’t always mean that it follows that script all the time. For example if a feminine dressed or personality type is out in public, most people also assume that he is a bottom and submissive in his relationship. While that sometimes is true, there are more times than not, that it’s not the entire truth. Sometimes he’s the more dominant one and the bottom or the submissive one and the top and sometimes they do both and want both.

Furthermore, when it comes to getting married, there is this assumption that things go traditionally and the engagement as well. Most tend to follow this, but those that are current and present, realize that it isn’t necessary to follow a heterosexual script, because we’re gay not traditional. I’ve long since said that I am not a traditional guy. I don’t intend to have a typical wedding where only one person is being walked down the aisle. Also, I don’t want an engagement where only one of us gets to have that special moment. I think we each deserve to be proposed to and say yes to this engagement. I wish more in the community stopped thinking like we’re the same as straight couples. We have the same rights yes, but we also have the right to make our own dynamics.

One thing that I’ve appreciated so much about my current boyfriend, is that we have embraced the idea of being nontraditional. We agree that each should get their special proposal. We agree that we both should be walked down the aisle by our person of choice. While we do have some dynamics that are similar to hetero couples, such as the masculated and feminated dynamics with regards to character traits, but there can be a blend at times. We have many moments where we both exhibit feminine traits and masculine traits. It’s truly the part of this relationship that makes things unpredictable. Because for us, we both have big personalities. We embrace the fact that there is no ultra male or female here. We know what roles we typically tend to portray and we love who we are.

Being gay is awesome in my opinion. While we are still struggling for acceptance and we struggle as men to be fully accepted, for us it’s amazing. We can write our own rules. We don’t have to play by the norms for society just because someone wants to put us in a box. We have the right to determine what is normal for us and have no problem braking the molds that are predetermined. I hope that many of you out there that are in this community understand this concept. Embrace your difference, love your individualism and reject the urge to be boxed into a group or painted with a broad brush. Gay is not traditional. Gay is not a relic. It is very much so contemporary and progressive and growing. Think of yourself as a blank canvas and paint whatever portrait you want the world and those around you to see.

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Heart Chronicles

There is one fundamental lesson that must come from allowing yourself to love again, if you’ve been heartbroken. You must learn to love yourself and more importantly, all in love with yourself before you fall in love with someone else again. I know some may think this is a no-brainer or trivial, but you would be amazed how many people skip this step or don’t fully complete this step before getting back out there. Let me tell you, if you find real love before you’ve finished doing the work on yourself, you will find yourself torn between accepting the new, while removing and disowning the past. It is one of the most important things that you can do for yourself. To allow yourself to be in love with yourself again. It brings a special power with it that can’t be understated.

Falling in love with yourself again means that you have forgiven yourself for the past pain and hurt that you went through. It means that you have allowed yourself to remember just how special and deserving you are of that true and beautiful love. It also allows for the special someone to get in close to your heart. It embraces the magical moments being made, it gets caught up in the moment and doesn’t care about what happened before. It aides in removing those past memories that are taking up space in your mind, so you can make room for the amazing memories that you are currently making. What it really does is allow your soul to be replenished and your heart to feel light. Can you imagine if you are in love with someone else and not fully in love with yourself? Are you this person?

How can you be giving all of you to the next one and not appreciating the love within yourself for yourself? Honestly, this is me to a degree. The more that I find myself loving this man I’m with, the more I’m realizing my own love for myself. The more he loves on me and professes his love for me, the more I quietly profess my love for myself. The more we lay together, body to body, pulling the harmonious, loving energy from each other, the more my heart gets lighter, feels purer, embraces his unconditional love that he is providing. Sometimes, it can take for you giving all of the love you have left to someone else, and them return that love ten fold to you, for you to realize just how much you have love for the person that you are. And once you realize that, honestly it opens you up to continue to love harder and deeper. It allows you to breathe again. Enjoy the little things once more, like before.

The heart is a vessel that needs constant attention. It needs to be massaged, talked to, loved, nurtured and developed. When it gets hurt or broken, it needs to be reassured, rebuilt, comforted and protected. If all these things are done, then you have a chance at finding true love again, otherwise, you continue to falter and have false starts. Sometimes you neglect to complete all these steps before you start looking for love. Usually, that’s when that someone helps you or pushes you to want to finish the work. Because you start to feel something on the inside that you want to let blossom into the beauty that it holds. It means taking control of the fear and uncertainty and reassuring yourself that this love won’t repeat the past failed love.

Take your time, take small steps, don’t try to over do it and allow the process to follow you. When you are genuine and intentional about healing and loving, it can be accomplished at the same time. Just understand that once the veins to the heart have been opened and blood is freely flowing, you are vulnerable and no longer in control. Make sure that the man or woman that you are giving this power to and embarking on this journey with, is worth the effort. If you’re assured of that, then gear up and enjoy the journey. It just may be the last one you need to take and the one that leaves you eternally satisfied.

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Unquestioned Trust

I was watching a documentary on Netflix yesterday and something that was said by one of the folks really stuck in my brain and caused me to really ponder this question.. Why do so many people blindly trust law enforcement? The court system blindly trusts that all cops are good and are going to honorably represent the shield that they wear. They assume that all cops will protect and serve as their creed states, when in reality, they are human and some have other motives, and some very vicious. You have some who are secret Klansmen and others who are private racists or prejudicial. You have people who have a superiority complex and feel that others are beneath them. These traits are not conducive to good policing. Yet, they are tasked with running investigations when crimes are committed, assuming they will be fair and unbaised.

Why also, are we so trusting of judges as well? They too are human beings, capable of being brought or having predetermined notions that are not upholding to the judicial code of ethics or the oaths they take to blindly execute the laws of the land. We place unchecked trust in these individuals, and when things happen that are overt against the intentions of the laws and justice, we don’t seem to have an efficient and effective system in place to correct the errors and mistakes made. Primarily, because that human element kicks in and those same judges and cops don’t want to admit they were wrong. That they erred in judgment. Which leaves innocent people trapped in the system locked away. It can lead to innocent men and women being convicted of crimes.

This post is calling out the 10 percent. Not the ninety percent. Yes, it is my belief that 10 percent of judges and cops are crooked, in one way or the other. They don’t have the best intentions of their residents in mind, they have their own agendas in mind. They have ax’s they want to grind and they do so, under the guise of justice, under the premise of the law. It is difficult enough to just be a person and not have trouble find you. But imagine being someone that the law officials deem beneath them. Imagine being a race or class of people that they don’t respect. What do you do then? One wrong step, one coincidence that goes against you and you could be giving up the rest of your freedom or your life.

Why don’t we have a system in place to review judicial actions? That will review police activity to ensure that the communities that these people serve are being evenly and justly represented? Would it require time and effort? Yes it would, But isn’t that the point. Things that you care about and mean something to you, you’re willing to devote the time and effort needed for it to be right. Reform is complicated but it is also kind of simple. You can appoint or elect people to provide a check and balance on authority. Elections need to be every two years, to make sure that no one gets too comfortable. Qualifications need to be simple and easy to attain, as to not leave anyone out. Common sense things that will make people feel safer and more valued in their communities. Would bring a sense of trust and nobility to the process of enforcing justice.

Again, I really want people to think about this and just have some conversations within your circle or even on this comment section. Why do you blindly trust police? Why do you blindly trust the courts?

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Black Women Magic

If you’ve read my posts you know that I’m unapologetically political and proudly pro Black people. I have ventured away from that a little because it seems the viewership dips when I deal with those real issues so I’ve dealt with matters of love, the heart and relationships because I think that too, is just a big a part of the dynamic playing out across the country and world as politics. But with todays historic announcement, I’m back in bed with devil that brought me here.. LOL. Politics and black people!!

Congratulations Kamala Harris, and damn good job Joe Biden!! For the first time in American history we have a Black woman on the ticket as Vice President nominee for a major party. Do you understand what that means? For only the third time in history, there will be a woman nominated on the VP slot and again, the very first time that a woman of color is on the ballot for this high post. That a woman who looks like my momma and grand mothers and all my aunts and cousins and ancestors, is on the ballot to be the Vice President of the United States is monumental. It is damn near identical to 2008, when the nation nominated and elected Barack Obama, the first Black President of this country.

I am so overjoyed and excited that Joe Biden had the nuts and the foresight to nominate Kamala for this position. Not because she’s a Black woman, but because she is most certainly a qualified woman. She has the record as an Attorney General and DA from the biggest and most diverse state in the country, California. She is also the junior Senator from California. She was a candidate for President this year as well. She has worked hard to get to this position. She is an HBCU grad and AKA alum. She represents so many firsts for this country. But her skills as a tactical debater and skilled wordsmith will serve her well. Her in depth knowledge of the law will aid her case in prosecuting Trumps unfitness for office. She is not someone who was given the spot as a token or just to get a demographic, she is here because she earned it and is definitely prepared and qualified for the job.

I know that many will try to smear her. Use the typical misogynistic behavior. That she is too ambitious or that she is too unapproachable or too rigid. That she is too angry, or being the angry black woman, when she attacks Trump and Pence for their records. But be clear she is none of those things. She is a woman, tasked with taking this current administration to task for it’s failings, because there are many, many failings. It is refreshing that we will get to see this play out in front of all America. I pray that the best of this country shows. I pray we can have truly substantive discussions regarding her positions and her politics, not the superficial bullshit. Good luck and lets go. Lets discuss

Leave a comment Posted on lifestyle, love

Heart Chronicles

So today I come back with another situation for the heart. Think about this… What happens when you’re heart gives you mixed feelings because you get uncertain vibes from the one you love? You know I think to be honest when you’re use to having certain types of dealings with people when you get someone new that’s different it can take adjusting to. I mean when you’re heart and more so your mind is use to having certain physical actions being tied to love when it changes you get a little uncertain. There has to be a usually feeling of displacement while you figure out what other things you need to feel in order to appease the discomfort of the heart.

This is not restricted to just physical interaction. You can substitute anything there that you are use to feeling or experiencing, that changes and you wonder if that new love is the right love. I think you have to look at it a little differently. If the love of the past had worked or was correct, don’t you think you would still be with that person? I believe that you must challenge yourself sometimes when you start thinking of these things. You have to realize that you really wanted something different, which is why you ended your dealings with the last person and sought a new person. Again, lets face the facts about it. When you keep trying to get the same type of person or the same characteristics of a relationship, aren’t you being a bit insane? Some practical application of the word insane is doing the same thing and excepting a different outcome.

I write about these things because I know that I’m not the only person who has these feelings or thoughts about the emotions and dealings of the heart. I challenge you to sit and really think about it for yourself. Look at the failed relationships that you’ve had. Are you currently dating or seeking someone who is similar to who you’ve dated? Are you in the middle of the same characteristics of a past relationship? If you are, why do you think that you will have better success dating the same thing and doing the same thing over and over again? Try if you dare, to step outside the box. Do what you have never done. Feel uncomfortable and then allow yourself to go through the process of learning yourself again, but also learning new things about you and falling in love with yourself again first. Then fall in love with your partner next.

Maybe just maybe that’s the answer. Let me know what you think.

Leave a comment Posted on love, real talk

The Heart Chronicles

I’ve decided to start this regular post because I want to speak to the truth of the matters of the heart, relationships and it all relates to the real shit of life. It can be, and usually is impossible to understand why the heart falls for certain people sometimes. It can be attributed to people being skilled wordsmiths and allowing their tongues to massage the heart, which subsequently appeases the brain for a period of time, before all the other rationales take over. It really is amazing that the heart can be such a pure beacon of goodness. It only wants to feel loved and warmth and acceptance. It wants to feel peace and happiness, and far too often people take advantage of that for their own purposes.

Additionally, people are sometimes unprepared for truly being in something that involves fully giving themselves. They use their hearts to secure the person they want, but their minds and emotions are prepared to fully engage, which usually leads to disappointment. I can’t honestly tell you what the solution to this is. Because in truth, there is no solution. You can protect yourself by having lots of guards or layers that need to be broken down before you let someone get close, but that really causes more issues than solutions. It forces someone to have to deal with red tape that could end the courtship before it even begins. It can also cause misinterpretations to be formed, because instead of getting the real person, you get numerous fake representatives.

Truth is also when you lead with the heart, you’re always going to subject yourself to heartache and trauma. When you want love and desire to have real and true love, there are always going to be people who will try and prey upon that. Yet, there will also be others who believe in that same concept, but you meet them at the wrong time and things just don’t gel well. But if that person is really meant to be yours, you will find each other. True love always wins out. Remember that the heart is a very delicate muscle. It can be very resilient, while at the same time it can also be damaged beyond repair. Be careful and choose wisely who you let get that close. Because they always take a little piece of you with them, whether it ends on good or bad terms.

If you get lucky enough to find that one early on, well then you know just how special it can make you feel. If it happens to take some time, well then you know how it feels to feel the euphoria of love and pain and hurt of failure. Speak truth to love and speak honesty to the soul. The heart will always find peace there within.

Leave a comment Posted on dating, lifestyle, love

Integrity Matters

If you know me, then you know that one thing that I stand for more than anything else is having integrity for yourself. That statement is one that should apply universally to all things and in all things that you do. Having integrity means that you should always uphold your word once you give it. It means that you should be proactive to handle matters in life and not reactive, when possible. I find it utterly amazing how many people love to talk the talk of realness and integrity, only to fall way short of those words when the actions are called for. Another thing about integrity is you can’t verbally claim it, it’s something that you must demonstrate, always and without fail.

I dare you to apply this to your life and to the people that you know, and see of the people you have kept around you, how they fit within this dynamic. Think of the folks that you have been or are in relationships with. Was integrity, or lack there of, a role in the downfall or success of the relationship. I think more now than ever, in the times we live in and with the state of the nation, people should want to be filled with as much integrity as possible. They should want to show that they are as legit and forward as can be. I will never be one to say that we will miss this mark at some point in time, because we’re all human, but the overwhelming practice should be to show this trait as often as possible.

I am one of those people who believes that when the difficult conversations and topics come to the table, that’s when you should show your integrity the most. It’s the time when you need to be the most thorough and legit as you can. Why, because just think, if you have someone who isn’t willing to be straight up or they switch up when the shit gets dicey, is that someone that you really want in the foxhole with you should things get hard in life? Do you want to have someone is only a fair weather partner? You know, someone who is great to be around when things are breezy and smooth, but flakey when things get tough? I really believe that more relationships fail due in some part to this trait lacking in its existence.

I really feel strongly about the need to talk openly and forwardly from the beginning. I think that when you show yourself to be the same no matter good days or bad, it gives a confidence, a reassurance of the stability that you can count on from someone. It also allows you to be seen as reliable and dependable. I can’t tell you how important this becomes to a relationship when times get tough or just when people try to throw trash into your space to disrupt what you’re trying to build. To be honest, your integrity is for your partner as much as it’s for yourself. What it gives them is trust in you and your word. And if that isn’t one of the most important, if not the most important thing then I don’t know what is.