Month: August 2020

Leave a comment Posted on current events, Politics, real talk

Say Their Names

As we sit here a little more than 60 days out from the election I’m concerned that people are forgetting what happened 4 years ago. Many people wrote off Donald Trump and elitist Democrats took too many states for granted and we got the worst President of a lifetime in the White House. Four years later it seems that a little has been learned but not much. We still don’t see the candidate pushing hard enough on the issues that will help them win. Pushing that there is abuse in the policing, the justice system is biased, racism is still present and systemic, the economy is in the shits for most people and this pandemic is fucking this nation up.

All these things are issues that should be pressed on a daily basis and they aren’t being done. We need to step up the attack lines and remind people just how terrible it has been and how much worse it will get if he gets four more years in office. Lets focus a little more on this Black Lives Matter situation. I said in my title to say their names. It’s serious because I want you to be able to understand just how horrible this situation is. There was a March on Washington this weekend, there are protests in Wisconsin, still protests in Portland, there were protests here in Atlanta this weekend. It’s coming quickly and over and over but Jesus this isn’t enough. So right now I want to say their names.. Philando Castile, Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, George Floyd, Jacob Blake, Admaud Arbery, Eric Garner, Trayvon Martin, Mike Brown, Trayford Pellerin. The list is far longer than this. The names just as important as these. But these are the names that have energized movements more and more because of the videos seen. Because of the outright disbelief in the stories told. Innocent black people, not being violent, not being criminal, and yet they were killed.

Justice for my brothers and sisters still hasn’t come and it appears it never will. This is the thing that continues to be talked about and action continues to be demanded for. We are looking for equality in the system. We are looking for police to be held accountable. we are looking for justice to equate to what we expect to see. Time and time again we sit here and we wonder when will it end. When will we get equal justice under the law for us. When will we get police held accountable for their brutality and misuse of force. Amber Guyger, one of the few officers held to account for murdering a black man in cold blood, when she went into Botham Jean’s apartment and shot him dead, he was unarmed by the way. She still only got a ten year sentence for her crime.

Can you imagine if that were reversed. If that was a black officer who killed a white man. That officer wouldn’t have been given mercy or leniency. They would have been sentenced to life without parole. They would have been crucified by the media and White America. But here she was with people begging for grace and mercy for her. Botham’s brother forgiving her as we are always asked to do, when our people are killed. Injustice that should be corrected. You wonder why we are outraged and tired of the system. All of these situations aren’t necessary. You have white people that have killed innocent black people taken to get food. You have a White teenager who kills people and he was not vilified. Why is this the case in this country still?

Stand for this movement, stand for decency. Stand for change. It is time to put leaders in positions that will help the cause. Leaders that will pass legislation to rewrite the penal code to be more fair and just. Change the rules for law enforcement so brutality isn’t permitted and accountability will be held. Time for change. Time to remove the status quo. Trump and all need to go. New President, different congressional leaders. Stand up and make a demand for change. So I say again.. Say Their Names. Justice must be done.

#BLM#change#saytheirnames

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Heart Chronicles

There is something that I think many need to make sure to understand, the lack of openness or a suppression natural affection and sexual intimacy is not a reflection necessarily of both parties in a relationship. Most times it can be the result of one persons lack of transparency, but it can have a transfer effect. Meaning, that that missing or negligent action can cause doubts on both parts. Or, it can create a sense of resentment. Either way both are dangerous and need to be monitored because they can cause serious problems within a relationship.

As I’ve been saying recently, it’s not always one major thing that happens that causes change. It usually is smaller things that occur, that either lead up to the big thing happening that is obvious and noticed or the small things happen often enough, or in important enough situations that they’re noticed, at which point something must be done. It would be a mistake to just dismiss something small happening now, because it can be the catalyst that leads to something bigger down the road. If you notice these things happening you can handle it a number of ways and each carries different consequences. One way you can address the situation is to speak with intent on it. Meaning, ask why is it happening. Why is there a need to hide or feel the need to sneak if there is happiness and moving on one accord?

Be careful though because if that person isn’t use to that type of directness or bluntness it can lead to a retraction in that person. They may feel attacked and rather than engage in the conversation they may push back and attempt to disprove what it is that you’re putting forward. The other reaction you could get is a direct response. One that either you must accept or push forward if you feel that it doesn’t address the issue sufficiently. The second way you could handle it is just let it go. Don’t entertain it or any thoughts that could be associated with it. Maybe it’s just a situation that the person wanted an immediate fix and you were busy in the house and they chose to do it themselves and not involve you. Nothing against you and nothing indicating that any attraction is being lost or missing.

This is the passive approach, but it’s one that could also work. Again, it may allow for the situation to die out and not be tackled because it just may not need addressing at all. But be ware, because this could also be a flash point that needs to be marked as a sign of trouble down the line. Always remember, you have to maintain being present, which means attune to things within your relationship. A third way to deal with it combines the two approaches in a way. You address it but not questioning the deal. Speak your peace as to the necessity of your partner self pleasing themselves with you there in the house just in another room. Make it known your displeasure and let them think about why did they need to hide it and do it alone in the first place.

Now what you do after that is really up to you. If they don’t really have an answer and then ask you to join, well decide what you want to do. Maybe that was just a way for you to invite yourself, even though it was being hidden and you had to be playful and pull back the covers to see what’s happening. But maybe they wanted you to do it. Also consider, that had you not done any of that. Had you not played with person, had you not pulled the covers off none of that, you would’ve never known anything. It would’ve continued to be done and you would be in the dark. Maybe you need to leave them alone with your words and their thoughts. Nothing further to be said. No argument to have, no conversation to be debated. Just blunt words and then silence.

This has multiple ways it can turn out as well. Maybe the person thinks and talks to you about it and you clear the air and things improve. Maybe it leads to some tension and silence and nothing is really resolved. Or maybe there is some quiet, silent reflection that leads to discussion or action to ease your fears and doubts. Hopefully the outcome is the one you desire and the two of you can move forward in a peaceful and happy manner. Remember, relationships are going to have issues and obstacles. They will the most minimal of things to heavy and major things. Decide where it fits and handle it accordingly. It grows you both and makes you better if you accept it.

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The Week Sports Took A Stand

As a black man, I’m so proud of the statement that was made this week by the NBA, WNBA, MLB, NHL and WTA. Due to the great courage and leadership of the NBA’s Milwaukee Bucks, sports stopped and athletes said that they will not continue to be marginalized and ignored. Black athletes said that they will no longer entertain the masses on television and be killed in cold blood in the streets. I’ve heard many people say well what did that accomplish. The answer is it accomplished a lot. It made the world stop and ask why. It caused the issues of police brutality and racial inequality take forefront once again. It brought some of the families of some of these black people who have been murdered by police back into the spot light.

We got another march on Washington today. We got more actionable items by sports franchises, including voter registration and calls to legislators in their states. More conversation on the demands to be made and those demands becoming more crystal clear. Demanding new legislation to tackle the police unions, legislation to address racial inequality in the justice system, rooting out prejudicial and racist police officers. All these things are necessary if we are going to advance the cause and movement for equality. These are the things that happened as a result of the athletes taking a stand and refusing to play games on television. So if you think their boycotts did nothing, well I guess your view is a little narrow.

The women of the WNBA have taken it even a higher level and it has to be applauded. It’s a shame that because their game isn’t as popular that their messages aren’t seen as much, but they are just as powerful. They have taken a stand and refuse to not be heard. This to me is exactly what should happen. Entertainment is not more important than lives. Black lives are just as important and critical as the black athletes that entertain you night after night. They give all they have so you can be distracted from the daily grind, but you won’t respect their views and lives when they’re off the court or if they’re not entertaining you. Enough is enough. This has been a watershed week and one that will never be forgotten.

This is the time to continue to put pressure and energy on this issue. Voting in two months on November 3 is so critical. No exceptions and no excuses. No need to try and say that there is nothing in it for you because that’s a lie. Your future is at risk. Your equality and freedoms are at risk. When will we say that it can no longer be about ignoring what’s difficult. For all you people who are tired of hearing about this subject, close your damn ears, shut your eyes or just go somewhere else. You’re probably the same people that give lip service about supporting the movement but don’t really want change. Or maybe you’re the people who are happy with how things are now, because it favors you and your family and people so this struggle isn’t relevant to you.

If you can’t understand why this shouldn’t and won’t go away anytime soon, maybe you need to sit down and listen more closely. Maybe you need to find some black people and talk to them about why we’re demanding equality and justice. I will not stop writing about the issue. No matter whether it gets may clicks and views or no clicks and views, I will continue to memorialize my thoughts and feelings. So when history is written, my children and grandchildren and generations of my family yet to be born can know that I was here and that I stood for something relevant and important to my people. That I have done my part voting and engaging in the process.

The message from the week that was is stand up and stand for something. Don’t let your actions be dictated for you or to you, dictate what you do. Change is something that never happens overnight. Grand scale change happens day by day. With little steps and big steps. It starts with a call to action and ends with tangible action. We are in the midst of change, don’t stop, won’t stop.

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I Wish I Would’ve

This headline says it all in my opinion. It’s a blog I’ve written about a little before but not really giving too much insight towards. Things that I have regrets about. It’s something that can be small to some and large to others. There are also some people who say that they have no regrets because they don’t live life with regret. I think for me there are a couple things that I have regrets about and I will dig deeper into these two things and lay it on the alter.

One of the biggest regrets that I have is not being as present during the pregnancy of what would have been my first born son. The person that I was with at the time, we were having major issues and we broke up right before I was told that they were pregnant. It was something that was not planned and I didn’t expect. It caught me off guard and once I was able to find out about it, I tried hard to be attentive and give what was needed, but when I really look back on it, I was not as present nor as sensitive as I needed to be. I can honestly say that it was in large part due to the fact that the relationship had crumbled and I was trying to find the air to breathe, while also trying to be the supportive co-parent to be as well.

Over time I was able to see how my lack of compassion for them led to a premature termination of our child. It hurt so bad because I didn’t get to have a say so in it at all. I wasn’t consulted or anything. Also, I was lied to as well because I was told my child was lost in a fight. It wasn’t until a year and a half ago that my child was actually aborted. It’s something that I live with forever. I truly wonder if I would’ve been able to separate the feelings of disappointment and anger from the joys and happiness then I think my three year old would be here now. Definitely something that I have major regrets about.

The second regret was not taking more time after a very destructive and hurtful end to a relationship. I was in my mid twenties and I thought that I was superhuman. You know, thinking that I just needed a little time and I needed to get back on the horse sooner than later. That with the love of the next guy, mixed with a fresh start I would be able to move on quickly. That was the absolute wrong thing. It turned out that I really needed years. For the better part of 4 years I ran through people. Being with people but never really giving all of myself. Because the truth was I was torn and in shatters. I was attempting to rebuild myself and give my heart to someone. Something that was never going to work.

I wound up being very mean and dismissive of so many people, who could’ve been good people. But because I felt such a pain and distaste for what happened, I felt pushed towards men and it led t some unfortunate, life altering things happening to me. Things that would take years to deal with and work through. It was the textbook definition of spiraling. I couldn’t stop myself. I had no control it felt like. I was building myself back up in some ways and still tearing it down in others. I never really understood why that was. I still really don’t understand it today, but I learned from that mistake. I applied the things I should’ve then and made for a much better result after having a second very traumatic, life changing relationship.

The burden I lived with back then that I finally released years ago caused me to apologize to some of the people I was still in contact with. I finally was able to get a handle on it all. I learned how to be a better me without needing to have someone in order to do it. It was a challenge and it may have cost me a lot, but I accept all the fallout that has happened.

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Remember the First times

A little bit of fun before back to the realness of the world. So I was sitting around just letting my mind wonder and I started thinking back to some of the first times that I did things. This isn’t really about sex or love, though all of those things crossed my mind. I just took a little time to think about what it was like having my firsts. The real ones and the pretend ones. LOL. We all know when we was little kids playing house or whatever you played, we had our first kisses and little grinds on each other. Then you remember your actual first time. Whether it was wanted or not. Whether it was stolen from you or you gave it willingly. Or whether it was brand new or used. Happiness or disappointment.

I remember the first real kiss I had, I was in elementary school and I really wanted to see what it was like. I kissed her and she liked it so she kissed me back. LOL, my first time kissing a man, wow. It was really nerve-wrecking to me. It felt weird but then I really liked it. But because at the time I wasn’t able to be out with it, it was a lowkey thing that I just held inside. Then I think about my first car. It was a surprise to me and one that I was geeked about. It was a brand new 2000 Pontiac Sunfire. It was red with a sunroof and it fit me just perfectly. It was very noticeable and I was always spotted by friends out and about. My mom brought my first car and she showed up to my job as I was getting off in my car. When I figured out it was mines, I couldn’t get the smile off my face.

Then I thought about the first car that I brought. It was a different feeling. It made me feel like a grown up because this was the first major thing I was buying for myself in my own name. Which then I thought about the first relationship that I was in, gay that is. It was really something unexpected. He was two years older than me. He was tall, light skin and so in control and confident. It was a two and a half year love affair, that saw so many ups and downs. Being young and trying to find myself in the gay world and in a relationship was a lot. He understood my insecurities and helped me to grow into being a man. But, it wasn’t as confident as I thought and that led to the end of the deal.

Remembering the first time I had sex is a little bit harder. I did a lot as a young child. I was very curious and my first time having sex with a girl happened when I was around 11 years old. My first time having sex with a guy was around the same age, maybe a little bit younger. It was a lot because at that time puberty hadn’t hit me, so honestly I was pretty much taking his and it hurt, but it was something that I knew that I wanted to continue feeling. Another first that I recall is the first time I tried to get someone pregnant. Wild and so irresponsible, but it was when I was 18 before I went to college. The person I dated, we was hot in the ass and tried to make it happen. It failed and it was probably for the best.

The first time I said I Love You and meant it was definitely something I don’t forget. It was with my first boyfriend and it was something I never thought I would say. But, it was something I was happy that I felt. My first ever car accident was scary as hell. It was something out of a movie. I was taking my partner home and it started to rain, a tractor trailer was coming up the country road and I was going down. Road too narrow, the tractor trailer took up half my lane. I tried to swerve to miss the truck but the slickness of the grass caught my tires and sent my car on a trip. It whipped hard across the street, into the ditch and up and over. It tumbled at least 3 times on the side and landed on the roof. The windows were smashed and I had to crawl out through the driver side window. Thankfully I was not hurt and my seatbelt definitely saved my life.

I remember the first time I was accused of being a criminal. It was here in Atlanta, and it was one of the most traumatizing times in my life. I was swarmed by police from all angles. No less than 7 marked and unmarked units. Guns drawn and police dogs were on the scene. I was scared and didn’t make any movements. I allowed the officers to find my wallet after telling them where it was. It was a call someone made saying a tall dark skin man wearing black and red was breaking into cars. I was a tall, dark man standing at the back of my car eating, talking to a friend. No apology was given, they just disappeared as quickly as they came.

All the other firsts are amazing and weren’t thought of at that time but I can surely think of them. My first apartment, The first time I traveled outside my home state of Virginia. The first time I went to college. My first time getting drunk, first time smoking weed. My first job and other firsts. I dare you to think of some of your firsts. Laugh, cry, all the things inbetween. Just take a little time to reflect and see how things have changed, how you have grown.

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Sexual Therapy

Have you waited a while to have sex with your lover for whatever reason and once you do it you feel this euphoria? You have this ease and peace about you, if they fucked you good, or you fucked them good? What is that about and why is that type of therapy such a necessary thing for the health and happiness of your relationship? I know I touch on this topic on a regular basis and that’s because I feel that it is needed. Being comfortable talking about sex, the different elements and the necessity for it should be something that is done more often.

Now back to the topic at hand. When you haven’t been fully sexually satisfied in a minute, there is nothing like getting some A1 ass, fye dick, wet ass pussy to put your minds at ease. Focusing on this is necessary for a number of reasons, one, if you have questions about the chemistry look no further than the level of sex you have. If it’s basic and usual, maybe you got problems. If it’s good and improving then you just might be on the right track. If it’s great and fulfilling then you got exactly what you need. It makes you feel like the king or queen. It gives you a sense of completion that your partner fucks you or you fuck your partner so good. If you don’t have to tell your mate how to do it, which way to do it because they know your body, how does that make you feel?

If you’ve had the foreplay leading into the sex so your always moist and the dude is already stimulated, just how much better is that sex than if it just seems set up and happens? What does it do to your mental and emotional psyche when you have sex that feels so good. That sex that makes you either hungry as fuck or fall into a slumber for awhile? These feelings that you have are important to the health of your relationship. It can provide a sense of security that you might not otherwise have if you aren’t having sex. Or if when you do have sex it isn’t good. Or if the sex feels rushed, or if one of you feels disconnected in some way.

I don’t pretend to subscribe to the notion that a healthy relationship can survive without a regular sex life. I don’t believe that you’re matched with someone to only experience parts of them. It is fully my belief that relationships are meant to have all elements involved. Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. There should be levels of connectedness that make you feel like you and that person are one more times than not. Individual journeys being woven together by life experiences together, by conversations and by the best sex that each of you can provide. Tell me how does one feel that they have you if they don’t really have that deep physical intimacy that needs to be had? You can be as emotionally connected as you want, but if you don’t feel anything when it’s time to get physical, I don’t believe that you will stay together long term.

Sometimes what you really need to feel is the love of that person. To have that man feel your strength. To go through that release of tension, that rush of energy and pleasure is a feeling that nothing can compare to. There is amount of talking or cuddling that will actually replace the physical touching and tangling and mixing of bodies. I challenge you to go home and put it down on your lovers if it’s time. And even if you just recently did that tell me how did you feel when it was done? Did you just want to bask in the moment? If you’re the person that will do this today, I bet when you’re done you will enjoy that person just a little more than you did before.

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Rediscovery of Identity

Often times when you’ve gone through something traumatic, especially if it’s at the hands of a lover, you tend to lose yourself for a time while you recover and heal. And if you choose to stay in that relationship longer after the damage has been inflicted upon you, you’re further alienating yourself from you. Because you have to turn into a survivor. That’s right, the minute that you try to remain in something damaging, you are no longer really living. At that point what you’re doing is existing, surviving until you ground yourself again and find you.

Once you decide to leave that situation you start that process of rediscovery. It takes you through the highs and lows of the past. It reminds you of the person you use to be. It harkens back to better days and maybe even bad days to see just how far you’ve drifted away from yourself. It is a painful process, but ultimately one that becomes necessary in order for you to center yourself and move forward. Magnify that times ten when it comes to entering back into a relationship and defining yourself and role within the scope of that situation. If you’ve ever lost yourself in a relationship you know how hard it is to rediscover that being in the next one. Primarily because most of us really won’t take the time to examine who we became during that time and evaluate how much of that person we want to keep and how much we want to remove. Want to return to the person that we once were with some enhancements.

It is a challenge that becomes more difficult because as you evolve as a person that mark will move. There are risks to over compensating for the errors you made. Making too drastic a change because of the pain. You run the risk of changing all of you when you may only need to alter a small part. Trying to decide who you are in the current moment is hard enough without dealing with the past pains and traumas. It is also why I understand the need, usually earlier in relationships, for there to be a healthy amount of jockeying for status. Both of you trying to test your boundaries of what will be tolerated. Both trying to see just who is the more dominant person in the relationship. Both trying to re-establish their relationship identity.

Once you lose yourself, you tend to force yourself not to get too lost again. It’s a measure of control that many seek to keep because they don’t want to be hurt too much. They don’t want to be made a fool of and the normal action taken is to hold back. To present variations of yourself until you are ready and comfortable with the person you want to present and who you will giving yourself to. These awkward moments should be expected and shouldn’t be dismissed. They don’t need to be dwelled upon either. You each should take stock of the physical and emotional reactions you got. Think about what you said or did to cause it and understand the limit that your partner just placed on you. If it was something funny and joking understand that within the funny is a message.

I lost nuisances of understand that a message can be hidden in all things is something we should do a better job of. We can laugh and be joking in order to tamp down the harshness of what’s being said, but it shouldn’t be dismissed as not being serious. It should be possibly looked at as your partner wanting to restrict you without hurting you. Also, during this time don’t be afraid to address things that bother or aggravate you. This is when you should be alerting your lover to the things that you aren’t satisfied with. Again, it may be uncomfortable but it will better your relationship in the long run. Talking and understanding, giving constructive and considerate criticism is what makes relationships last. That authenticity and knowledge that you will get the truth from your partner is invaluable.

I’ve always said that until your relationship experiences that uncomfortable honest period, then you haven’t really begun reaching the deeper truths of your relationship. As long as everything is rosy and sunshiny you have nothing to really worry about. Once things become more serious and real, once there is self reflection and evaluation. Once you are asked to listen to your heart and once you have some positives and negatives of each other is when you really know whether or not you love that person deeply. That’s when you really know whether or not you have a love that is really lasting. That’s also when you really find out if you have rediscovered yourself. If you find yourself repeating the same things from before, maybe there is still substantial work to do. If you find yourself seeing the same issues, maybe you aren’t as ready as you think you are.

Always be willing to challenge yourself. Always be willing to look at yourself with a honest lens, not just the you don’t want to be alone lens. Healthy and happy people create healthy and happy relationships. A strong understanding of self and a love of that self is a big of the equation. So for all of those who may be questioning things about yourself. Wondering if you have truly found yourself, look deeper into the mirror and ask yourself if you have rediscovered yourself? If you have then hey move forward in the way that you see forth. If you still in that process, then let time finish working on you and that love will most surely follow.

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Gays of Our Lives

This is a conversation that is near and dear to my soul, I think it’s one that all of us the LGBTQ+ community need to have and understand. Being gay in any way, whether your lesbian, bisexual, transgender or just gay doesn’t mean that you have to conform to any of the norms of society. This will focus more on men than women, but I will address that community as well.

Please understand that being gay doesn’t mean that you aren’t a man. It doesn’t mean that you are any less of a man if you aren’t the most masculine man either. It needs and should be understood that a man is not and will not be defined by how deep your voice it. Nor will it be defined by how muscular you are. It will not be defined by how straight-acting you are or how athletically gifted you are. Being a man is more a definition of what you stand for. What do you do? Are you a man who takes care of your responsibilities? Do you handle yourself with respect? Are you honest with people and do you honor the word that you give? Do you make an honest day’s work out of yourself? These are the things that are the definitions of being a man.

I get so annoyed with people both inside and outside of the community that continuously judge being a man by what you look like or how hard you act. It is a fundamental flaw and it is a stereotype that destroys the fabric the community. We aren’t heterosexual people and we should not be holding each other to those standards. But, all too often we look at each other with the same prejudgment as those who want to discredit our equality with them. Far too many times gay dudes always get caught up in wanting the thug or the trade boy. The DL hard boy or the strict top who’s overly masculine. Don’t mistake me, everyone has a right to like what they like, but damn I know everyone doesn’t want the same thing.

This urge to get the manly nigga just so that you get cred or you catch a break from others because you’re feminine or you’re too scared to live your truth so you need another manish dude in order to hide your true teas better. It’s sad and unfortunate. Truth is in this community there are so many different types of dudes and they all deserve the love and recognition for being a man just like the masculine acting man does. Being a feminine guy doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you the embodiment of a man. They live in their truth and accept all the things that come with it. Being an in between man, one who is both masculine and feminine is just as much a man too. They accept that they split tendencies are and proud of it. They are definitely a man. Being a butch queen or a bear or a twink or geek or nerd or athlete or any other description of a gay male is just as legitimate for being a man as any other description.

Instead of knocking someone for what they aren’t or who they can’t portray, support each other for who we are. For being adult and man enough to live the truth of ourselves. When we do that, then we don’t have so many men who are afraid to come out the closet. Show them that there is love for them no matter where they land on the gay man spectrum and maybe they will find the strength to face their families and friends who may not be as accepting. To that end, to the heterosexual community, stop trying to make us all be the same. Gay men are unique. We are equal and we are created, just like you, in God’s image. The bible can’t be used as a judgment text. Because all of us are guilty of something in the bible that says we shouldn’t do certain things.

When will people understand that gay people have been around since the beginning of time. We aren’t just people who popped up out the blue. We trace back to the beginning of time. There needs to be a meeting of the minds that acceptance is needed. We don’t have to agree on the merits of whether or not it’s a choice, but we should agree that we’re human and deserve the same respect that is given to you. The same needs to be said for the lesbian community.

Women aren’t just defined by who is more womanlike or who has more of a butch like quality. They should be and are defined by do they carry themselves with the style and grace of a woman? Do they have the compassion and grace and substance of a woman? Do they love and show the empathy of a woman? Just like a man struggles with the acceptance of himself because of the personality and demeanor he carries, a woman has the same issues. She should not be told that she needs to act more like a lady or woman, because she is a ton boy or because she carries herself in a more masculine fashion.

If she chooses to be more butch, more power to her. If she chooses to wear heals and fashioned down to the tea more power to her. Both iterations are women, strong and vibrant and deserve to be admonished as such. Give them their just due and stop trying to position them in a box to fit the label of the hetero world. Women deserve the room to fit on the pendulum wherever they desire and they shouldn’t be pressured to do anything else.

The beauty of being a gay man or woman is just that. We are not the baseline. We are not the norm or the standard. We are beautiful rainbows that can express ourselves any way that we see fit. We can be on one end of the spectrum today and on another tomorrow and all still be within the per view of being a man or woman. Masculine man stand tall, feminine man stand tall, butch queen stand tall, in between man stand tall, fem queen stand tall, bears, stud stand tall, fem stand tall, stem stand tall. All of these types and any that were missed stand tall together. We are the gays and proud of it. We should be celebrated for who we are and what we are. Love and peace to us all.

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Foreplay All Day

One of the best things you can do to get and keep your romance sparked is to have a healthy dose of foreplay. Nothing gets the mood right like doing things to turn each other on and keep things fresh. If you know anything about what it does, foreplay sets the tone for how things go. It is a sort of mind fucking that stimulates the body. No matter if the sex happens the same day or the next, when you allow yourself to be turned on and teased by your lover it only makes things better.

I think that foreplay, when done right and engaged by both parties, makes the relationship keep a sense of the unexpected. It has a way of making the day better when you least expect it to be. It can also be the thing that turns a good sex session into an amazing sex session. There has to be some understanding though about how far to take it. Make sure you know the level of freak that your partner has. Have a full understanding of what they deem to be acceptable to them. Nothing can ruin a mood more than having a lover who is super freaky and kinky and one who is… more basic or traditional. This can lead to awkward sexual foreplay, which can then lead to disappointing or uninspiring sex.

Also, be open minded when you choose to have foreplay with your lover. Don’t be afraid to show some skin, or if you’re together, get naked and lay up together. More than that, use your mouth, tongue, lips and hands on each other. Let that lead into the more intense moments of sex that happen between you two. Maybe just leave it at swapping head on each other. Let that take you over into the next day. Then do something else and something after that. Let the tension and heat build until you can’t take anymore and then let it all out. Explore and enjoy all the elements and levels of sex. Fuck until you have nothing left and let that aura and vibe engulf you and your lover. Bask in the afterglow of amazing sex, inspired by great foreplay.

People, you must understand that sometimes great sex is all about what’s done leading up to the sex, as much as it is the sex. Often times if you’ve been with someone for a while, just getting right to fucking may solve the primary itch, but the foreplay keeps it spicy. It can also reinvigorate your love life it it’s gone a little sour and stale. It can also keep your sex life from getting to that point, if you’re willing to be eventful and take a few fun risks. Explore the depths of your sexuality together. Nothing brings people closer than trying new things together. Can you imagine having oral sex in your vehicle in broad daylight? Playing around with each other in the park. Just think about the rush that would give and how much fun it would be.

As I’ve sat here and written this blog, I’ve given you reasons why you should allow yourself to be adventurous and have a robust foreplay life with your partner. I’ve also given you reasons why it works and why it might not. Hopefully your mind is open and hopefully your partner has a freak streak in them too. If so, experiment and explore. Love and let love. Foreplay all day

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Heart Chronicles

So it’s fair to say that I’ve written a good bit about the need and importance of sex in relationships. In this post I will expand a little deeper into the why and what it does. How it has such an important role and what a lack of it can mean for you and your relationship. Sit back, read, relax and enjoy. As always if you have comments feel free to leave them.

The why about sex being important is more than just the obvious and face value. Yes it feels amazing and it’s a great way to release tension from you and your partner. Whether it be towards each other or the just the general ebbs and flows of life. But, there is really a tangible benefit to having sex, or better yet, making love in your relationship. When you and your partner make love, be it slow and intimate or aggressive and passionate, what you’re doing is intertwining your bodies. You’re making that connection that you have even deeper. Because you are giving your most prized possession to that person, You. It can’t be understated just how much control is relinquished in a relationship once sex becomes a normal part of the activities.

Think about it for a minute. You have that special person and y’all are happy, things are going well, the vibe is amazing, but you’ve yet to get naked and let the physical attraction take over. While there is a bond and deepness that grows and develops from the time spent, the cuddling, talking and shit, nothing sends the feelings into overdrive like giving all of you to that person. Once that happens and the two of you have made love for the first time, everything changes. It’s not the same and you can’t even try to lie about it. You have just solidified your relationship with the most special gift of all. It’s then that you really find out just how bonded the two of you are. It takes all the words you’ve spoken and promises you’ve made and made them real and actual. Because now they have a piece of you and you have a piece of them.

Now the how is a little more intricate but just as relative. If you refer back to the previous paragraphs sex is the glue that binds the two of you together. How it does that is really simple if you think about it. Most people tend to value who they give their bodies too. And if it’s relationship wise, giving of your body is really the symbolic gesture of surrendering your heart. That’s what really happens when you lay with your lover. It is the act of you giving up control. It’s the emotions being released and bound and the heart being officially being tethered to that person. You have just done what you are or aren’t ready for. Made that person in control of you and the emotions that you display towards them. No matter what is said about you always being in control of you, when you love someone we all know that doesn’t apply the same way anymore.

What it does it changes everything. It allows for there to be tension and arguments so that there can be makeup sex. The best part, to some, of sex. Being able to disagree with that person and then releasing all that heat and passion in a sexual expression. If you’re the top or the male role, then you want to pound them cheeks or puss into submission. You want to make them know that you have that dominance over the situation. You want to make them submit to you and your will. If you’re the bottom or the taker in the situation, maybe you want to be punished and pleased. You want to be dominated or you may want to dish out a little aggression of your own. Maybe you sit on top and rid your partner so you can have control of the situation. Either way it goes, the sex allows you to release the frustration and get those good feeling endorphins released.

What it also does is change the mood and tenor of the environment without needing lots of discussion or time. If the debates are relatively small in nature, however, if things are more serious, sex can have a way of greasing the skids to ease into a more difficult and complicated conversation that needs to take place. Or just remove the conversation part at all until a later time when all parties are more prepared for the conversation. What it also does is allow for you to feel that love and passion that your lover has for you. It makes you feel as good as you want to feel, and we all want to feel good because of the one we love.

Now, if your relationship is lacking in the love making department, then it can mean a few things and most all of them aren’t good. If you aren’t having sex, then you have no real release value that the two you can engage in together. You are missing that physical connection as well, which is much needed. It can be hurtful because it can cause a buildup of tension and make you feel on edge more than you should. It leads to doubts and concerns of infidelity. It can make you feel unwanted and unattractive. These are all things that you don’t want to make your lover feel and if you have this present it needs to be addressed. A lack of sex brings about feelings of uncertainty. It can also make you wonder if the person is really into the relationship. The exception to this is if the two of you have agreed to wait until marriage to have sex.

The other exception is if the person is a virgin and you’re waiting for an appropriate time that they’re comfortable to have sexy with you. In these cases the intimate time spent talking, cuddling and bonding are precious and forming the necessary groundwork for that first night.

So there you have it. My feelings on the how, what and why’s of sex. The importance and what it creates. Having it, you feel good, you’re relationship is likely in a good place. You’re environment is a good one. If the sex is bad, well that’s a whole different conversation, but at least you having it. If you lacking, well time to make some decisions and think about what you want to do. If you want to save the relationship figure out how to put that extra spark back into your love life. If you don’t let it die and get out.