Do you ever stop to consider that in most situations, your mind is your biggest hurdle? It is just as fragile and sensitive as the heart, but the difference is it has the ability to deceive you as well. See, I believe because we have both the conscious and subconscious thoughts that travel through us constantly, that our mind becomes the fertile ground for which doubt and insecurity can dwell. I am a firm believer that once you take control of the thoughts you allow yourself to entertain on a daily basis, you really have won 70 percent of the battle. If you have your heart broken, what do you do in order to recover? Some they jump right to the next, ready to put the negative thoughts, energy and feelings out of their minds. Others, they sit and take time to reflect, learn from whatever mistakes or missed signs that were present to alert you to the possible hurt to come.

In truth, I think both choices work, depends on who you are and how you look at the world and people. Some folks who look at life with a positive outlook, tend to want to get back on the horse quickly. They don’t want to allow the negative vibes and energy to fester in their minds and spirits. And will often times decide that the next person will be able to help as they remove the bad and hopefully replace it with the good. Sometimes that’s exactly what it takes. Let go of what was and embrace what will be and what is. But, the question is do you really just wipe that bad experience away that quickly? Does your mind block it from its existence, or does it sit back in the recesses of your mind, toiling in the subconscious, waiting for you to have time to yourself for your to playback the things that may have caused you grief? See it is my belief that even the optimistic person has this period where their minds wonder about what was, even if nothing more than to bring the needed closure for the situation.

I am also of the mind however, that most people, while they try their might to move on without looking back, spend far too much time in their down time or thought time, thinking about just that. The yesterday; more precisely the things that went wrong. The damage that was done and the feelings that they felt after it all happened. They try to bury those feelings with the next person, but it doesn’t really work as smoothly as they believe. In fact, what is created is this kinda false dichotomy. What happens is in order to mask whatever warts were created as a result of that past failure, a substitute personality is created. It can be a hybrid of the real self mixed with the fronting self, in order to give someone the impression that all is well while you try to work through some things. Or, it just is a completely alternate version of yourself. One that focuses solely on making positive memories and moments and rejects any type of negativity, often times neglecting the fact that you just may be the cause of the rift because your too busy trying to be agreeable and upbeat, while behind the scenes emotions or feelings may be whopping your ass.

It can be such a tricky balance. The heart is getting mixed signals because on the one hand, you have opened it up to someone else, while on the other hand, you’re still a little damaged from the last and it has a little hesitation because it’s unsure if it is ready to handle the uncertainty and excitement of the new challenge. The mind to me is fifty times worse. It creates the alternate universe that allows you to walk into the next endeavor, while still dealing with the true realities of what you may be feeling. It is this imprisonment of the mind that to me leads to the conflicts that cause relationships to actually end. See, your mind may not be strong enough to handle all that’s coming its way. While the heart is far more resilient that we think, it is the mind that is far more fragile and more unpredictable. For the person who thinks they can withstand any and everything, and for the person who knows they may be one heart break or tragedy away from destruction.

It is my belief that just like we treat our bodies to relaxation and regeneration with massages and rest, the mind is in need of the same thing. When it has incurred too much stress and trauma, it needs a rest. It needs time to breathe, refresh, recharge and prepare itself fully for the next set of situations to present itself. If you don’t allow your mind to fully close one old chapter before opening a new chapter, you make the journey doubly difficult for you as well as whomever you chose to share the journey with. And ask yourself is that really fair? Does someone deserve for you to randomly shutdown for no logical reason? Does someone deserve to not have a full openness and understanding to you? Are you just that self absorbed and self centered that you would rather make someone feel uncertain of you and your love, all because you are so yearning to feel the love that was lost? Because you don’t want to be stuck in the misery that you may feel and think about?

Let’s be honest, that is part of your recovery. If you have been through a difficult breakup you need time to experience all the feelings and emotions that go along with that breakup. And just as important, you need time to have the thoughts and perceptions of it too. Your brain needs to be able to blow off all the steam it may have built up over the course of that past relationship. It needs time to fix its thought process so that the next person doesn’t get saddled with unnecessary doubts and obstacles or for you to be distracted because you haven’t fully released the past. And let me help with something else related to this. If you mind is that distracted or if it can become that detached that you need to isolate yourself from the one your with, maybe you need to leave them alone and get yourself together first. If that isn’t an option, then you need to include them fully in your healing. Let them be what you seem to lack; a guide to give you direction to move past the old pains and the vessel to come forward into current happiness and sustain that mindset.

Don’t fool yourself, you can lose your soulmate if you aren’t prepared to handle them. Sometimes, the right one comes at the wrong time; and if that happens you have to decide if you want that ride now and risk losing it because you’re not ready to be fully committed. Or, do you trust in the fact that if someone is meant to be, they will be and time will allow for the two of you to have what you are meant to. Either way, it’s a tough decision that requires selfless thought. You can’t be absorbed in yourself and make that decision honestly, because you are already compromised. Your mind is already weakened because it isn’t thinking of both sides.

See what I mean. The mind is far more sensitive than we think. It stores everything. It consumes too much and most times it’s the wrong things. If you cut out some of the noise, focus on you and healing. Consciously make decisions with the best intent for you and the one you love, I promise it may still be hard and a little uncomfortable, but you will have control. Most importantly, you will have clarity of mind to do what needs to be done.