Having a pretty vast memory of experiences and conversations with people, including myself, I have come to understand that feelings are the emotions that our words aren’t able to grasp or willing to express. Maybe we don’t know how to verbalize what it is or we’re have some fear or anxiety about expressing it outwardly to someone we care about. This is particularly true in relationships. Couples have disagreements about feelings that one or the other may feel. This is prevalent in friendships too. You and a friends have differences over a subject matter and the feelings it creates can sometimes foster an environment of negativity or hostility because no one is willing or knows how to share those feelings with words for concern out hurting someone else.

Let me tell you that there is more than one way to get those feelings on display than just saying what you feel. Maybe it will be easier for you if you show what you feel. I know it’s a novel concept but one that people seem reluctant to try as well. You know if you don’t really know what to say with the feelings that you have, then show it with your actions. I find that people really understand body language or physical action or inaction when it comes to expressing themselves. If you’ve been in a particularly challenging situation and you feel something strong, having a declarative physical reaction lets everyone know that you are feeling something potent and powerful. That it could be negative or positive depending on the action that you choose to display.

If someone is “in their feelings”, it often means that they are emotional. It means that they are having a moment of self loathing, where they don’t feel good about themselves or their emotions at the moment. There are a number of actions that people take to show you that this is case without them ever having to fully explain why, but sometimes that may not be enough. If someone becomes reclusive or acts in a manner of distance from you, after telling you this, it is likely because they are feelings things that they don’t want you to know, don’t know how to express or don’t want to burden you with their feelings. This is usually because the feelings are attached to the past. It most likely is tied to someone from the past, usually a lover, and they don’t want to put that on you, without realizing that they already did.

It is these situations that usually cause the most tension amongst relationships. Because what has now happened is the atmosphere has become negative and it’s at the control of one person over something that has no relevance to the relationship. Due to the fact that the person isn’t willing or doesn’t have the ability to fully discuss what is causing this change, it has made questions come about the fitness or the presentness of someone in the relationship. If this is where you find yourself, try to get your partner to express themselves with their actions more openly. Maybe once they’ve come out of their feelings, have them express through their actions what they are feeling. Or, if you really need to have better understanding, ask them to be more open and forthcoming. Understanding that it takes a toll on anyone to have someone just randomly and unexpectedly become caught up in their feelings for no good reason.

If they only show this to you and are able to interact with the rest of the world, then you really need to get clarity there. You need actions to explain and words to justify. It will take you being willing to be creative. Maybe let them dance for you or draw. These artistic forms of expression can usually paint a very clear picture of what the problem is. Maybe have them write poetry for you. See through actions and words you are obtaining insight as to why your partner is struggling. Remember that through the work of the two of you, all things should be able to be resolved. If you have the trust, belief and love between you two, nothing should stop the progress you make. Understand that sometimes space and time is needed for the person to find the words or actions to explain where it all comes from. Be willing to give the space needed, but also have the fortitude to push back it becomes too frequent or happens too often. You don’t get infinite opportunities to address potential pitfalls in your relationship.

Just remember if your friend or lover says they don’t know how to explain what they feel, give them the option to display an action that will show you or possibly show and tell you what the deal is.