Yeah, I know the title sounds like an oxymoron right? Why you have fear in being redeemed? I think it depends on what you’re getting redemption from or for. Sometimes when you’re the person that giving some redemption for something that they did to you it can be among the most scariest and uncomfortable things to do. Usually, it means in some form or fashion that you are giving that person a second change at something of value or important to you. If it’s a former love interest or lover, then what you’re doing is turning back on those emotions and feelings that you once carried. It also means that you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable again to that someone who has hurt you and caused you great disappointment and probably pain. Why is it that when we allow that to occur we feel this feeling of uncertainty? The answer is simple and obvious but not always accepted.

The reality of the situation is once you allow someone to be forgiven and taken back, what you are doing is taking responsibility now for anything else that happens to you as a result of dealing with that individual again. It does stand to reason that for some it’s very unnerving because people don’t always like taking responsibility for their actions or the actions of others when you have the choice to choose not to allow someone back into your space, or to allow your emotions or your heart to be involved again. The other part of this is that once you reopen that box, you can’t necessarily control how strongly those emotions come out until you have a feel for exactly what it is you want from that person. Your also fear the unknown and honestly the known. Because this is someone that you have history with your mind will think about whatever it is that caused you to remove them from your life until you see that whatever it is has truly changed and you can allow yourself to feel as comfortable as you would like.

This doesn’t pertain to a certain group of people or race or gender of people. This situation is a universally experienced situation. It’s one that sometimes you have to sit back once you’ve made that decision and just wonder to yourself did you make the right decision? Is that something you see as being as productive and fruitful as you hope. Or is it a case of being tempted by that “forbidden” fruit once again? Is it a situation where you’re going to put yourself out there only to get burned again by that person. It is the most confounding and difficult thing to actually express to someone that you have just given that second chance to. Because the reality also is that if you’re going to agree with the decision to try again, you kind of have to remove the stain of the past. You can’t forget it because that would dumb and reckless, but you must be fair and allow that person the room and space to show you that they really aren’t that same individual that they once were.

If you find yourself in this position it can be so difficult. You want to allow that person in to truly reclaim the space that they once occupied and are trying to or are occupying again. But, the fact is part of you is scared, afraid to allow yourself to get close to them fully because you don’t want to be made to look foolish and stupid again. It does in some way hamper the comfort you have with that person in different ways, without you really showing that you still are cautious with them. Yes, it is normal to feel that way. It’s normal initially have a bit of hesitation, but why would you want to live like that towards someone that you truly care for? It makes you wonder if you made the right decision? Enough time has passed to where you could make this decision with full understanding and not being jaded by what happened prior. But the feelings are just so strong. The emotion you just want to let out and be felt unharnessed and unhinged. You want to open up and just allow the moment to overcome you and the interaction. But the truth is you pull back just a little, you become a little uncertain exactly to move because you really don’t know what the person is about to show you.

I guess in the end it does come down to a few key elements that are often times at the root of most relationships and circumstances surrounding the relationships: Control, comfort, trust and emotion. Are you okay with releasing that grip on the emotions and situations surrounding what you allow to happen; can you be comfortable knowing that the more you show yourself to that person they’re going to respond to you accordingly; do you trust them to walk down the path that y’all are heading down and; are you emotionally prepared for it happen again if it does, and conversely are you prepared for the payoff if what he says is true and you two get the fairytale that you’ve talked about from the beginning? It is my belief that if you can answer these questions positively and affirmatively then you will won’t carry the fear of redemption anymore, instead you will be welcoming the redeemed.

Talk back to me, let me know what you think.