Last year I wrote about losing my first child to abortion. And damn if a few weeks ago, I had the exact same thing happen again. I dont know how to accept this and I dont know what to do with this but wow, I can’t deal with this again. God help me to understand why i needed this a second time?

Four months after thinking that I was going to be a daddy again, it was revealed that the pregnancy was going to be terminated without my input or consultation. I dont really understand why people play around with this shit man. To have your heart torn out of your chest again is just hard to fathom. It makes you have questions about everything man. You dont kno what to believe when you’re blindsided by thwaw things.

I’m not really sure how to recover from things like this. Especially when there are so many things going on. When you lose someone so close and then have to deal with the loss of a child before they saw life, I mean damn. I dont know what to do with this and more importantly I dont know how to release this hurt and pain. I’m at a place in my life now where I have to figure out how to redevelop a sense of myself. How to grow and accept more of lifes challenges and devastations. It affects my trust and comfort of people. It makes me hesitant to want to try to have kids again. As a gay man it’s not like I can just fuck and have a child, I cant. So having had two opportunities and they both get snatched away with real reason, I’m just left to sit and question things.

I am a torn and hurt man. I’m lost in many ways and I dont really know what to make of it. But in time and with patience I will overcome this too. But damn my heart hurts