This is the first time that I’ve posted or talked really in depth about this. On Memorial Day this year I lost my most ardent supporter. I lost my shield, my blanket and my second mother. My grandmother Mary Ellen Trapp passed away at the age of 87. I thank God that I was able to have her for 35 years and it hurts that I dont have her anymore.

She lived a long life and left one hell of a legacy behind. She left 6 beautiful girls and a big huge family of grand, great grand and great great grands behind. She was stern but soft. She was real and maybe too much so. She always spoke her mind and even if you didnt want to hear what she has to say she gone say it.

She carried such a large presence and she loved her family no matter what. Her best moments were being with her family always. Because she didnt have any boys, the first born grandsons got away with everything. And I was definitely at the top of that list.

We would always talk om Sundays. It was our time to just sit and talk. To laugh and catch up, for her to tell me about all the shit that was going on. She always made me laugh and would always end the call letting me know how much she loved me. I miss so much being able to call her and talk to her on Sunday. It’s just not the same.

When she died my heart broke. Nearly 3 months later I’m still shattered. I think so much about all the things she’s said to me. All the tipsy moments we shared. All the heartfelt moments we shared. She was to me a one of a kind woman that will never be duplicated and I dont know that I will ever be the same again.

I always think about the memories. There are so many we shared that I can do nothing but smile. I hear her voice in my head, I see her imposing physique and just smile. In my dreams I know shes still there, but not having her here just still isnt so real. I just dont know how to navigate this challenge. I’m doing it the best I can day by day. Some days I talk some days I dont.

I carry her with me every day. I move forward with the spirit of my grandma in my heart. As she said dont take no wooden nickles and dont accept no cardboard dimes. Lmao, which means take no shit and dont accept just anything. Grandma I promise you I wont. I love you and i miss you.

Rest in heaven queen