Month: July 2016

6 Comments Posted on dating, lifestyle, love, real talk

The Masculine Complex

I’ve been wrestling for the past week or so with how to write this blog because I think that this dynamic could apply to most any state, however, this will focus on Atlanta, GA. I have struggled for so long to understand why is that everyone is in such a pressing urge to have this “Masculine” man when you’re gay. I can’t really wrap my mind around it.

Maybe I’ll break it down kinda like this. If you like the same sex and you’re a guy. That means you like to lay down with, cuddle, with, fuck and get your dick sucked by the same gender as you, there is already an element of Feminism attached to you. Oh, don’t get me wrong you can be big and strong and muscular and talk with a manish talk and like all the manly things, but don’t forget that the end of the night you want a man to please you.

Let me change the thought process a little and frame it like this. If you’re feminine I understand that you want someone who’s more manly than you because that’s your attraction, but do they have to be the stereotypical “Masculine” man? Essentially, the straight man wrapped in a gay mans body.

I can only imagine how defeating of the purpose it is to be an openly gay man and because you don’t watch all the manly sports, or do the manly things all the time or have the deep voice, that somehow you aren’t “Masculine enough”. I just would like for someone out there to help me understand what’s wrong with a man who knows he’s a man, but likes to embrace his entire self. I mean after all that’s why they decided to out themselves no?

Maybe I can shed a little on the situation. I tend to believe that everyone wants this “Masculine”, “Manish” man because that’s the flight of fancy in the  mind that so many gay bottoms like it. But the funny dynamic is that now you find many tops wanting the same thing and that makes me so baffled. Are you insecure wit yourself that you need another masculine presence to reinforce yourself?

Listen, I don’t knock anyone for wanting what they want, because we all have an ideal guy in mind that we want to date. The one who will compliment our personalities and lifestyles accordingly. But, I do think that in Atlanta there just seems to be this over eager feeling for a “Masculine”  man. You know if we recalibrated what we thought of as Masculine behavior, maybe it wouldn’t be soo bad.

But, that’s part of the issue with the craze. The guy has to look masculine, talk masculine, act masculine. Hell if they show any sign of an effeminate behavior immediately the person is dismissed. The truth is the guy that you just dismissed might the most masculine one you will find, but they just refuse to be boxed based on someone else’s image.

I think that we should stop trying to live in the boxes outlined for us. We should stop trying to look for the typical Masculine guy and find the guy that really fits you and has the dominant personality to match. Surprisingly to many, you might find that the guy that you dismissed because they didn’t act completely masculine, might be the one to do you exactly like you want them to.

It’s interesting too, because some folks I’ve talked to about this have seen the similar trend and laugh and mock those who think that the “Masculine” man is going to be prevalent in this city. The truth is you’re mostly likely to find a hybrid. One who carries himself with a dominant, masculine demeanor; but may have traits that are soft. And I would venture to guess that that those men will be some of the best ones to know.

Are you going to the find the traditional hard, masculine man..Yes! They exist and they’re out there without a doubt. But are you going to find them like fish in the Atlantic Ocean..No. Find yourself a good man who can give you all you need and most of what you want and I bet you will be truly happy.

What’s the message here? Accept people for who they are, stop trying to find the perfect box and expand yourself to a rectangle. You just find someone who will make you eternally happy.

 

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Racism vs Terrorism

You know I’ve been listening to the conversation being had this past week since the tragedies that occurred across America, and there’s narrative I’m coming away with from one side of the spectrum: The desire to use the word”Racist” to describe those dirty cops is damn near like pulling teeth. Yet, these are the same folks who want us to label an entire group of people Islamic Terrorists.

Indulge me for a minute because I’m going to be using the words of sorry ass Politicians who have the hateful rhetoric still and those who have risen above their dumb ass ideology and realized that there is a problem to prove a point.

Lets look at the ignorant, former New York City Mayor, Rudy G. and see what he’s said on the airwaves since the killings. His commentary is that the Black Lives Matter Movement is somehow inherently racist and that they’re the ones responsible for the violence against those Dallas officers and the protesters. If that ain’t some of the most ignorant shit I’ve ever heard.

Let’s move forward to the current New York City Police Commissioner, Commissioner Bratton. Now this dick had the audacity to say that Black mothers and fathers need to have a conversation with their sons to make sure they’re more respectful and nice to police. Sir, get the fuck outta here with that. Are you serious. Did he watch those videos? Did he see what happened with the others who were innocently killed?

The Texas Lt. Governor who said that Black Lives Matter protests were responsible for the deaths of the Police Officers, and went so far as to say that it was un-American for them to do what their doing, protesting for what they believe is right. Are you really trying to sell that bullshit to somebody?

There is no doubt that this country is still as divided as ever on the question of race because many on the Right don’t want to admit there is a problem. Or let me bring it home this way, many in the White Elite class that have no fucking clue as to what a Black person goes through, let alone a Black man. That’s where the problem starts, see no one wants to sit down and have the conversation.

Listen to the athletes, Serena Williams, the Minnesota Lynx basketball team, the President of the United States. There is truly a desire to bring people together and have the conversation on why Black America, and Latino America feel so isolated and unequal in America. It’s time to do two things: One, admit that Racism is still alive and well in this country and two, we must confront the dynamic of Racist Policemen.

The Right is quick to want to label ISIS as Islamic Terrorists, but they don’t want to bring the label of Racist Policemen to light. I’m also disappointed that more don’t want to admit that you have both good and bad cops and in so doing, that’s not being supportive to the Law Enforcement community, it’s actually trying to clean it up.

The Governor of Minnesota said if the man had been White the cop would not have killed him. There have been stories of off duty Black cops who say they fear for their safety in the areas they live if they’re not in uniform. What statement does that make? Let’s be very clear the overwhelming majority of Cops are amazing and do their jobs without blinking an eye. But, there are those that takes the law into their own hands and feels no sense of accountability because the Justice System doesn’t punish them.

America, we must wake up to save our country or there will be no country. We are dangerously close to losing our peace to this debate about Race and Police brutality. The world is watching what we do, and those people are paying attention to see if we can offer solutions. Let’s tamp down the heated rhetoric, let’s slide back on the labels and lets get real and talk.

By the way, President Obama is about to have a National forum on this tomorrow night on live television. Bringing together all cross sections, Sports, regular folks, the media and the Police. Many other cities across the country are doing the same thing. It’s time America, let’s talk to each other and not at each other. Let’s try to understand one another and not ostracize one another. Healing comes with communication. It’s time to heal.

#PoliceLivesMatter #BrownLivesMatter #BlackMenMatter #Healing #Peace #Justice

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A Nation On The Brink

What we’ve been watching the past week has been a nation that is close to going over the edge. As I’ve heard political leaders, party enthusiasts and law enforcement talk about what’s going on I’m reminded that we are truly a divided nation. What I’ve seen and heard has been a tragedy and if we’re not careful, we about to see the tension bubble bust, and it’s going to unleash violence unlike anything seen before.

The Governor of the State of Minnesota said on national t.v. the other night that if the man stopped would have been a White man, instead of a Black man, he didn’t believe that he would’ve been shot and killed. He even went so far as to say that racism is still alive and very present in this country. Conversely, after last night’s deadly attack in Dallas, Texas, the states Lt. Governor said that the reason the violent outburst happened was because of the Black Lives Matter movement. He said that people expressing their discontent with the crookedness of the system and of some cops was the reason.

We hear the Political right dumb asses, Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin, talking about the Black Lives Matter organization are terrorists and inciting the violence against the police. How fucking dumb can you really be. But I guess when you’re as stupid as Palin and as self absorbed as Limbaugh, you say what you want because there’s a section of the American public that will believe that shit.

You wonder why we’re at the dangerous tipping point? Maybe we need to realize that there is truly a national conversation that needs to be had. We need to talk about the racial tensions and discomfort. We need to talk about the injustice and disproportionate violence against Black people in relation to our White counterparts. We need to talk about how there is still an oppression of the Black community. How we are still very marginalized and picked over for job opportunities.

We need to have the conversation about how when Black folks are murdered by those crooked cops, the first response is well what did they do wrong, or why did they resist. It’s time to talk about all of these topics because the marginalization of the African American community is reaching it’s limits, and a repeat of 1968 may be closer than we realize.

After all of the rash of murders and killings there have been protests. After Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray, Eric Gardner, and both murders this week, protests. But the truth is after those murders what happens? The answer is nothing. We go back to fighting to have the discussion. The White elite class in this country has doubled down. The White prejudiced class in this country has risen up and we are at a very dangerous point.

Lets talk to our Political leaders too. Donald Trump and your Republican Party need to really dial it back. You talk about going back to the days of civil policing of themselves. We hear talks of building walls, deporting millions, blocking millions from entering the country. We hear how disgusting and disrespectful the tone is towards the nations only Black President and First Lady.

To show you that I’m current in the moment, in my city right now, Atlanta, GA, were are experiencing a protest that could become violent and completely distort the purpose for the movement. We don’t need to have another display of peaceful protesting turn violent because we’re trying to make a point. The point can be made by making your voice heard, protesting and then letting the next day come to do it again.

Please Atlanta, New York, Dallas and everywhere else, don’t let this truly become the tip over point. Hold together, band together and become one voice and one body. Man when I tell you that the moment is coming in America when we have to face the reality that we are in need of change. God America we need to discuss the issues. We need to find solutions and we need to make change a reality.

We must understand that violence begetting violence is not the solution, rather it is another problem that damages the good will of those trying to make things better. I know that there is outrage and believe me, in all my discussions I’ve had I’ve been very adamant and vocal about my disdain and in some cases, hate for the senseless killing and bull shit we see in this country. But please know I don’t think this is the answer.

Make your position known. Make your voice heard. Get arrested in a civil stand. Do what you think in a safe manner that you need to in order to make the point. But remember the more dangerous and violent you get with it, the more you lessen the message. It’s time to be smart and realize that we need to use our voice, money and might to affect change.

Big ups to TIP and all the other folks who are taking themselves into the movement, one nation one fight. I want everyone to realize that this is how we take our country back. One protest, one rally, one movement, one sit in, one boycott at a time. Hold our dollars, hold our support and change will come. America, tell the Politicians we want change. Tell big business we want change.

#BlackMenMatter #ViolenceWon’tWork #PeacefulProtest #ATLPride

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Anerica’s Racial Stain

Once again Americans are out in the streets protesting the senseless, tragic, bombastic, and God-like killing of two innocent, unarmed Black men in the past 48 hours. One in Louisiana, an animalistic style killing; and the other in Minnesota, a cop taking life in his hands and killing a man who open admitted he was licensed to carry and was reaching to get his wallet as instructed.

The details of both killings are sickening and damn right inhumane. We keeping hearing there is outrage and disgust. We keep hearing how things need to change, but the truth is there is change. The change is that the crooked and corrupt cops, which are not all of them, are destroying any confidence that people have in them. See for each picture we see of cops helping people and playing ball in the neighborhood, we get these situations.

Mike Brown, Freddie Gray, Eric Gardner, the list goes on and on and on. We keep adding young, Black men to the number shot dead by White cops and just Cops in general. Why is it that there is a small minority of officers who feel that they’re Gods? Maybe part of the problem is that the so-called Justice system is really only designed to make regular Americans pay, not those that swear an oath.

Maybe part of the problem is that no one wants to accept that there really needs to be oversight for law enforcement officials. Yes it’s very true that all lives do matter, because I’m not going to separate a life taken. But let me be very, very clear when I say that Damn it Black Lives Matter! More important Black Male Lives Matter.

I’m so sick and tired of seeing cops decide when they wanna take our lives because they know they can get autonomy. I’m tired of people thinking that just because we are a minority that we don’t deserve equal treatment under the damn law. Why is it that the amount of violence towards Black people by police is on the rise? No can explain that shit huh?

Maybe it’s time that we put some financial pressure on these communities by not freely spending our dollars. Maybe we need to truly show solidarity and stop being mad for the moment and lets build a coalition that will sustain a movement. It is time that we as a people realize that in order to truly affect change we have to go after the things that mean the most. Money!

When the LGBT community wanted to assert itself into the picture you saw a financial element, an organization element that made those in power pay attention. We wouldn’t settle for second class citizen status. The Black community needs to come together and stop beating each other up.

We need to stop being sideline cause supports, and become full participants. It’s nice to post a status or two on social media talking about the issues and the cause. But the question is what are you doing to help the cause? Are you trying to “each one, teach one?” Translation: are you trying to help your young, black people who are out here struggling? Are you trying to set the example and make sure that you are in tune with the movement?

Stand up damn it. Stop waiting for a celebrity to take the first step. Stop waiting for someone else to organize. Gather your friends, and let them gather their friends, who gather their friends and before you know it, you have a ground swell, and a movement that will take you somewhere special. Come on America we need to take a stand.

#TheCause #BlackMen