We are just removed from celebrating the fathers across the world for yet another year. For me, it’s my 11th such honor to be called a father and it feels like yesterday that I came into this position. No, I’ve yet to father any children biologically, but those of you out there that are surrogate parents, step-parents, true foster parents and so on, know that once you have that bond it doesn’t matter if you created the or not, you’re their parent.

I can remember back 11 years to when I first started this journey. I can remember thinking how the hell am I going to be able to give that type of influence to someone at just 21 years old. What was I going to do, how was I going to impart wisdom. And truthfully I’ve made many mistakes along the way fathering the 13 people that have come under my guidance.

I haven’t always done things the way that maybe they should have been done, but I’ve always believed that my decisions and efforts have been to protect those that I can son/daughter, and I’m proud of all the choices that I made. But you know that’s where the difficulty of being a father comes in.

Yes we all know that mothers get the glitz and glam of the honorary day. Because they carried you inside them. They nurtured you while you were inside them. They nurture you when come out and they comfort you when the father has to scold you and discipline you. If there is no father present then mother takes both roles so she has to give you tough love and comforting love.

For most fathers they are there to mostly be the stern parent. They are the one that you don’t want called up to school if you do something wrong. They’re often the parent that you go to when you want something because you know mom is gone make you go to him. Dad is the one who protects you when you go on first date, ladies. And young men, dad is the one who tells you how you should treat the girl.

But where a father struggles most is when he has to make choices when there are multiple kids involved. When he has to choose between standing firm and being consistent, but also protecting the younger child from their older, more freed siblings. He loves them both and wants the best for them both, but he knows when to step in and the result is never what he wants the outcome to be.

If you’re the father of gay children, and you’re gay yourself, you want to make sure that you provide the example that you want your kids to imitate. You show them the type of man that you hope they go after and wind up spending their lives with at some point. You make yourself vulnerable to the things you did and the mistakes you made, so you can hopefully prevent them from making the same mistakes.

The role of a father is not easy. Because you will always be that benchmark for someone or many someones. Man do I know how hard it is to be a father, because along the way I’ve made a lot of my children mad with the decisions I made. But, I look at the people they’ve become and I’m so proud because they’ve all grown up to become wonderful people. They fight their way through adversity and they never give up. All of them have pieces of me in them and it makes an eternally proud parent.

So my final thought on this is, never be afraid to talk to your kids about the things you’ve done, both good and bad. Because it will give them prospective and allow them to feel peace with making mistakes but give them comfort knowing that they can overcome. Being a father is a challenge, but it’s one that I’ve enjoyed with great fervor.