Month: June 2016

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A Swift Transition

It’s funny that my pastor touched today on transition in life, because I’ve been deep in thought over my upcoming transitions and the ones that I’ve already gone through. It’s amazing to sit and look back at who I was 6 plus years ago when I made my return to this state and the man I’ve transitioned to today.

Subsequently, it’s been very humbling as well, to see how the relationships I’ve had have transitioned over the years as well. Both long and short term relationships have changed so much. I think it’s really hard for people to accept that transitions have to happen because we associate negativity with transition so many times, when in truth that’s not always the case.

We look at the transition in relationship status from taken to single. We take the transition of losing a job and the transition of losing a loved one as a negative or a loss. Maybe the problem is we need to reinterpret how we look at it. Transitions mean to cross over. Well if you’re relationship status is crossing over to single, maybe it’s a good thing, because while you loved that person, it clearly wasn’t a healthy situation.

If you’re fired from a job it hurts, if you quit for another one your happy, but there is still a transition. And you have to take the same lens, in saying that both provide you the opportunity to cross over into a new arena of professional development and growth. If you lose a loved one who transitions or your family transitions, you have to realize that you’re crossing over into a new situation that requires some development.

Transitions in life happen all the time. Whether we like it or not, and most of us rebel against these changes in life. Either because it causes us to cut folks off, change how we do things, move into a different place, space or situation. We have to remember that many times we will go through our transitions alone and without someone to hold our hand. Accept it and move on.

If the relationship fails, let your bitterness go before you get into your transition because it will only affect you and the one who comes after that relationship ends. If you leave a job, let the bitterness go when you walk out the door, don’t let your new employer pay for the old employers shit. No matter what, walk into your transition with a positive mind because you’re only being directed to your next great come up.

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A Fathers Dilemma

We are just removed from celebrating the fathers across the world for yet another year. For me, it’s my 11th such honor to be called a father and it feels like yesterday that I came into this position. No, I’ve yet to father any children biologically, but those of you out there that are surrogate parents, step-parents, true foster parents and so on, know that once you have that bond it doesn’t matter if you created the or not, you’re their parent.

I can remember back 11 years to when I first started this journey. I can remember thinking how the hell am I going to be able to give that type of influence to someone at just 21 years old. What was I going to do, how was I going to impart wisdom. And truthfully I’ve made many mistakes along the way fathering the 13 people that have come under my guidance.

I haven’t always done things the way that maybe they should have been done, but I’ve always believed that my decisions and efforts have been to protect those that I can son/daughter, and I’m proud of all the choices that I made. But you know that’s where the difficulty of being a father comes in.

Yes we all know that mothers get the glitz and glam of the honorary day. Because they carried you inside them. They nurtured you while you were inside them. They nurture you when come out and they comfort you when the father has to scold you and discipline you. If there is no father present then mother takes both roles so she has to give you tough love and comforting love.

For most fathers they are there to mostly be the stern parent. They are the one that you don’t want called up to school if you do something wrong. They’re often the parent that you go to when you want something because you know mom is gone make you go to him. Dad is the one who protects you when you go on first date, ladies. And young men, dad is the one who tells you how you should treat the girl.

But where a father struggles most is when he has to make choices when there are multiple kids involved. When he has to choose between standing firm and being consistent, but also protecting the younger child from their older, more freed siblings. He loves them both and wants the best for them both, but he knows when to step in and the result is never what he wants the outcome to be.

If you’re the father of gay children, and you’re gay yourself, you want to make sure that you provide the example that you want your kids to imitate. You show them the type of man that you hope they go after and wind up spending their lives with at some point. You make yourself vulnerable to the things you did and the mistakes you made, so you can hopefully prevent them from making the same mistakes.

The role of a father is not easy. Because you will always be that benchmark for someone or many someones. Man do I know how hard it is to be a father, because along the way I’ve made a lot of my children mad with the decisions I made. But, I look at the people they’ve become and I’m so proud because they’ve all grown up to become wonderful people. They fight their way through adversity and they never give up. All of them have pieces of me in them and it makes an eternally proud parent.

So my final thought on this is, never be afraid to talk to your kids about the things you’ve done, both good and bad. Because it will give them prospective and allow them to feel peace with making mistakes but give them comfort knowing that they can overcome. Being a father is a challenge, but it’s one that I’ve enjoyed with great fervor.

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Look In The Mirror

What I’ve commonly began to learn about people is that not many really have the ability to look themselves in the mirror without being forced to do so. I think that one of the greatest problems of our generation is being current with our lives and the ability to be alone with ourselves to bring about change.

You know many people love to tell me that I’m mean, or evil. That I’m a bitch or an asshole. I hear how much I’m stubborn and stuck in the way I see it. The list can go on and on about my negatives that I’m constantly told about. Yet, when the shit drops I hear how loyal I am, how much I truly go out my way to help someone. Maybe the truth is that I can be all of these things because while I’m going be the former to protect myself, I’m also the latter because I gotta look at myself every day.

Make no mistake about it, I think we would be a better people if instead of pointing the finger at someone else all the time when things go wrong, we stop and evaluate ourselves first and acknowledge that we had some part of the failure too. You know I get so tired of hearing or seeing people say they’re going back to their old way, like that shit was any better.

The truth is if your old ways were so damn good, you wouldn’t have tried to change them in the first place. What happens most times is that we try something out for a brief moment thinking that it’s going to yield instant results, and when it doesn’t we give up too quickly and run back to what we know. Which means we’re not really looking in the mirror and certainly not trying to grow.

I would implore folks to stop trying to dictate change and let the changes we need to make take the time it requires to become realized. I often wonder why it is we think that changing ourselves happens overnight, when we spent years becoming that kinda person. Changes need months, years to become reality, and when it gets hard isn’t the time to abandon those efforts, that’s when you double down and really give your all because the payoff is coming.

My hope to anyone who reads this, is that if you’re struggling with the ability to look yourself in the mirror, you realize that doing so only brings clarity to your life. It helps you grow and it will allow you to more quickly get over the pitfalls of failed endeavors in your life.

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A Final Farewell

As America has wrestled again with the debate about gun safety and the vulnerability of the LGBT community, I’ve sat and been arrested by the disgusting and divisive language coming from the pulpits across America. I’ve been extremely disappointed that many on the “Christian” Right, are still using hate filled interpretations of the Bible to condemn the victims in Orlando. And for a few extreme preachers, going so far as to want God to kill the victims that survived with injuries.

If there was ever a time to abandon being a Christian it could be now. When so many are so bound to the outdated and ill-conceived notions in the bible to crucify a group of people that are already marginalized because of who we are. But, you know I take solace in the fact that churches like mines, Tabernacle Baptist Church, and other affirming churches and inclusive churches across this country are preaching messages of love and compassion for those who lost loved ones.

That tragedy hits so close to home for me because Orlando use to be my home. I’ve been in that night club before on a Saturday night at 2a.m. and God knows the last thing on my damn mind was being shot up by whatever the fuck they wanna call that asshole. I struggle to understand why when things happen to certain groups of people, instead of everyone rallying around to support that group of folks, it exposes the underlying prejudices that remain in certain circles.

I’m tired of hearing some people say that they’re tired of hearing about that massacre. I guess if it’s not affecting them directly they don’t care. They would rather be as bitter as they can be because their lives are miserable, so they don’t care or can’t empathize with those families. But, I bet if happened to their loves ones, they’re the first who want someone to understand their pain.

Thank you to those who refused to leave friends and family behind in that club and sadly lost your life. Thank you to those businesses that have stuck their necks out to pay tributes to, raise money for those victims. So many have rallied around this tragedy to bring another awareness to gun violence and extreme prejudices.

Thank you to all those who really are trying to make the conversation a lasting one. Orlando will not be left alone in their time of sorrow and the world will never forget this horrible tragedy. Stand strong and stand proud.

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Deception Doesn’t Pay Off

I was in church today and my pastor said something that verified exactly what I’ve always thought: “Deception in a relationship doesn’t work”. When you lie to the one you’re suppose to be with, it doesn’t protect the relationship, it actually sets the groundwork for cracks in the foundation, which leads to failure.

One must realize that the old saying that you lie to protect those you love, is definitely misleading. Maybe, you keep certain things from them so that they don’t have to be concerned with things that might be harmful, but to purposefully lie or be deceptive about who you are is not helpful.

I think people do it to try and manipulate a situation or individual. There is control in deception, because as long as someone doesn’t know who you truly are, or what you’re truly all about, then there is the opportunity to frame the narrative the way you want it to be.

The only problem with that is usually the reason for the deception is to hide those shadows, or skeletons that you don’t want to be known about. And you know, I guess if you got the money or enough time you can make them disappear without them actually being handled, but I find it to be that those skeletons rear their ugly head when you’re least prepared for them to.

It also leads me to one of my next thoughts, maybe instead of having to be deceptive about the negative choices you made, you might want to think about the choice before you make it. That way you won’t feel so embarrassed as to not to want to tell the truth about your past.

Maybe we should also remember that the past is also just that. Many people have done things in their past that they aren’t proud of, and as long as they’ve moved on from those things nobody should never try to convict them of things they’ve done in the past. I believe sometimes that people hide in the dark because they don’t want their demons to come into the light and be convicted of them.

Here is my solution: everybody mind your own damn business and stop tryna worry about people’s past. And those who have a past, don’t feel so ashamed, we all do things, make mistakes and learn. Let the light shine on it and grow. Help someone else to prevent them from that situation you were in. Maybe then the deception that people feel the need to display can fade away and we call be our own authentic selves.

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Orlando Pride

Once again we’re faced with a horrible, disgusting, senseless, hateful tragedy in America. A ISIS supporter, homophobic ass hole decided that he was gone take lives in his hands and shoot up a landmark Gay Club in Orlando, Florida in the wee hours of the morning.

It’s been said that the motive for this massacre was him seeing two gay men kissing while on vacation in Miami with his family. To this I say, Bullshit! and Fuck you! You are the kind of person that makes this country less safe and that terrorists around the world seek and applaud.

You decided that what you thought was correct was sufficient reason to go into this night club and take 50 lives, injuring another 53. And like the bitch you are, you allowed yourself to be killed rather than have this sit on your conscious, you sorry coward. I’m so sick and tired of seeing people kill in the name of hate.

You kill because you hate a religion, you kill because you hate a cultural group of people, you kill because you hate yourself. Whatever the damn reason I’m just sick and tired of the senseless, hate-filled killings. You can’t go anywhere these days and be safe can you? Church, school, the church, the club, the movies, no damn where.

As a former resident of Orlando, I have visited that club many times before and never before did I have a concern that I something like this would happen. It just goes to show how crazy people are. One thing I do know though, is that that city is extremely resilient and the people there will bounce back from this devastating event.

The one thing I do know is that no matter what, we need to get these Assault Weapons off the fucking streets. I’m tired of watching these stories and it’s always someone with an assault rifle. What the fuck do we need these for? Let’s make a change, if not for the sake of the 103 people affected, then by an entire Community in mourning.

Stand with Orlando, stand with the LGBT Community and damn it, stand for peace and removal of these heinous Assault Weapons. Guns are fine, but these assault weapons are killers, especially in the hands of those who mean people harm. #Pulse #Orlando #United

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A Heavy Heart Takes Time

It’s a really hard thing when you lose someone that you care about. No matter if it’s a lover or a friend, family or someone you consider family. It’s also really difficult when you lose a lover that you thought would be around, or the people who’ve had your heart and broken it, or return and try to take advantage of it. As I’ve grown up and matured though, I realized that each event must be taken on its own merits and you got to heal from each one to truly get better.

I lost my best friend of 10 years a year ago and my heart is still weakened from that loss because it was tragic and unexpected. He was one of those friends that always was there and never judged me for anything that I did or didn’t do. He was a special person that can never be replaced and the void from him I know will take time to heal from . Compounding that with the difficulties of failed relationships and close friendships makes it even harder.

All of these things and so much more I keep on my mind and in my heart, and yet most people never know these things because I choose not to divulge them and just make sure that the face people see is a smile and the emotions and feelings people know are those that I want you to see. Learning how to cope with a heavy heart I learned is a part of life. Learning to block out the pain in order to deal with the feelings and emotions are critical.

You know I’ve been meeting and coming across a lot of folks from my past the past few weeks and months. First thought I had was why are you coming back. But then I realized my own answer. It’s time to let go of the past hurt and pain. It’s time to heal myself from the folks that have wronged me or hurt me, and that I’ve hurt along the way also.

It’s time to find that true peace with those situations and allow myself to remove some of those burdens in order to grow some more and take the next step into my personal growth and well-being. I’m excited now that I’m releasing so much of the past and being able to embrace so much of the future and present.

Heavy hearts kill people, make them depressed and can cause them to do all kinds of things harmful to themselves. I want people to always know that you don’t have to let yourself go just because you’ve had a broken heart for whatever reason. I hope this blog reaches someone who needs to read this and hope it channels your thoughts and emotions. Come out of the dark and walk back into the light

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The Light Will Always Shine

You know I never understand why people think that I’m not going to figure out when bull shit is being thrown at me. Don’t think that you can show up out the blue, “spend” a few hours of time, pay for one damn meal and think that you’ve accomplished something in my mind. That is absolutely false and you will certainly get your feelings hurt.

See when you try to portray one thing in my face, but then you show me something totally different when you not in my presence, you should always understand that I’m going to pay attention to the differences and pry myself into the situation to figure out why. I think that truly goes for any person that really knows how to read people. When someone shows you conflicting personalities and they have shaddy dealings, one would be wise to pay attention.

Something that I figured out a long time ago, was that if a person has to starting hiding the simple things, and being discreet with when they and how they contact you at times, chances are there is another dick, ass, or pussy waiting in the wings. Ha, the funny part is that some people actually believe that they can pull it off and not think that someone has noticed.

Be careful of how much you show someone, because if they’re truly attentive they will always be able to call your bluff. The ones who think that they’re good at it, might want to take inventory of themselves. The light always shines when you’re trying to fool a fool. LOL, if you don’t what I mean, ask me here or find someone you know and ask them. The nostalgia of days gone by, don’t get you a pass, if anything it makes the process more difficult.

Smiles and niceness always work for a temporary minute, the grind and the daily shifting makes all the difference. I will and forever say, that the person who tries for the quick fix and haymaker, will be the first one to get knocked out. LOL, I dare you to pay attention to your latest “interest” and see if they show you signs that you might just need to keep them a “fling” or just something fun to deal with on the side.. HEHE